Questions and Answers

little_bird

Story Summary:
What happens when the past collides with the present and threatens to cast the Potters' and Weasleys' lives into disarray...

Chapter 06 - To Sleep, Perchance To Dream

Posted:
03/27/2010
Hits:
3,207


Harry shooed the four grumbling children upstairs. 'But, Dad, I'm not sleepy!' protested Lily, even as she yawned wide enough to split her face.

'Of course you're not,' Harry said, as he tucked Lily into bed.

'Dad?'

'Yes, Lily?'

'I don't understand all that stuff you and Uncle Ron, Mum, and Aunt Hermione said today.'

'I know. But if you want to ask me or your mum about anything, I promise, we'll try to answer it.'

Harry smoothed the vibrant hair away from Lily's face. 'But not right now,' he said, seeing the question come into Lily's head. 'It's late, and I know somebody who needs to go to sleep.'

'Really? Who?' Lily's eyes were creased with mischievous laughter.

'Someone named Lily Potter,' came Ginny's voice. 'You know her?'

'Never heard of her,' was Lily's automatic answer, followed by a giggle.

'Good night, Lils,' Ginny said, kissing Lily on the cheek.

'G'night, Mum.' Lily was already burrowing into her pillow, half asleep.

'Night, Lily.'

'Night, Dad,' Lily mumbled.

Harry closed the door, and he and Ginny went across the hall to Al's room. Scorpius looked up from his place in a camp bed, surprised to see Harry and Ginny in the doorway. Al jumped off his bed and embraced both Harry and Ginny in turn. 'Night, Mum. Night, Dad,' he told them, before climbing back into bed.

Ginny looked at Scorpius. 'Are you warm enough? Need an extra blanket?'

'No, thank you. I'm fine.'

Ginny nodded. 'All right, but if you need anything, we're just down the hall.' Scorpius gave a brief nod and began to methodically smooth the quilt over his legs. She smiled gently at him, and ran her hand over his head. 'Good night.'

Scorpius nodded again, not trusting himself to speak. He slid down and stretched out when Harry and Ginny closed the door. He had spent his life hearing about the Weasleys and Harry Potter, and not nice things, either. Mostly from his father and grandfather, but the way he had been treated by every Weasley and/or Potter at school, not to mention the rest of the family that afternoon, as well as the way Harry and Ginny themselves had treated him, made him doubt what he had learned as a small child. His stomach churned with the realization that one day, he might have to leave everything he knew behind and start all over again.

Scorpius rolled over and curled up, on the edge of sleep. The last conscious thought he had was to wonder why Lily didn't smell like other girls her age. Most nine-year old girls he knew smelled like jam. She smelled like sage and lavender. What was it about her hair?

Harry peeked into James' room. He'd been so touchy lately about anybody going into his room. But then again, he was thirteen. 'Hey, James,' he called softly into the room. James' head jerked up from the book he was reading.

'Hey.'

Harry went to sit on the edge of James' bed. 'James, I owe you an apology.'

'What for?' James' face bore a puzzled expression.

'I should have talked to you before you went to school.' Harry took in a deep breath. 'I made the same mistake with you that Dumbledore made with me. There was so much he didn't tell me about my parents or Riddle until I was almost sixteen. And he should have told me before that.' Harry's hand rose and brushed some of the fringe from James' dark blue eyes. 'I should have trusted that you were old enough to know about me, and that you could handle it.'

James looked at his father in shock. 'No worries, Dad,' he managed to stammer. James looked down at his book for a moment, and then leaned forward to hug Harry, much to Harry's surprise. James had been touchy about that, too.

Harry squeezed James tighter for a moment. 'Night, son.'

'G'night, Dad,' James mumbled into Harry's shoulder.

'Don't stay up too late, okay?'

'Thirty more minutes?'

'Okay. Then lights out.' Harry ruffled James' hair, then got up and left the room, closing the door. He smiled to himself. James always asked for thirty more minutes, and always fell asleep after roughly ten. The lamp was charmed to turn itself off at eleven because of that.

Harry went into his own bedroom, and brushed his teeth. He tiredly pulled off his clothes and left his jumper, shirt, and jeans in a heap on the floor next to his side of the bed. Wearing only his boxers and a t-shirt, Harry slid into bed, replaying the afternoon in the Burrow's kitchen. He opened his eyes when he felt Ginny get into bed next to him. Harry watched her finish the loose plait and throw the end over her shoulder. 'I don't know why you do that,' he commented. 'You know I'm just going to undo at some point in the middle of the night.'

Ginny put her head on his shoulder, draping herself over his body. 'It gives you something to do when you wake up at night.' She shifted her position slightly, so she could see his face. 'I heard what you said to James.'

'Oh?'

'Yes.' Ginny ran her hand down Harry's arm, and laced her fingers through his. 'It was a nice thing to say.'

'I meant it, too.' Harry brought their interlaced hands up to his mouth, and he kissed Ginny's fingertips. 'We should have told them before they started school,' he admitted. 'We should have said something a long time ago...'

'Well, perhaps not everything,' Ginny murmured, stifiling a yawn in Haryr's shoulder. 'At least they know now.' Ginny reached up and captured Harry's mouth with her own. 'Are you going to be able to sleep?' Her brow furrowed in a frown. Harry was still prone to nightmares, even after nearly two decades after the end of the war.

'I think I'll be all right.' Harry's hands crept to Ginny's back, and he slid the hair elastic off the end of the plait, and undid the loose weave, spreading the auburn ripples over her back. He grinned crookedly at her. 'Thought I'd get started early tonight.'

'Silly boy.'

'G'night, Gin.'

*****

Quirrell unwrapping that turban, revealing a face on the back of his head... Ron lying motionless on the chessboard, after the white queen captured him...Hermione Petrified... The Acromantulas... Ginny lying on the damp dirty floor of the Chamber, her long flaming hair trailing in the water that trickled down the center of the walkway... Sirius in the filthy Azkaban robes, teeth bared in a grimace holding a wand over Wormtail... Remus transforming before his eyes... Cedric's body in the graveyard... his parents coming out of Riddle's wand... Cedric begging him to take his body back to school... Mad-Eye, not Mad-Eye, turning into Barty Crouch, Jr.... Umbridge's quill slicing "I must not tell lies" into the back of his hand... The prophecy... Sirius falling through the Veil... Riddle attempting to possess his body... The Sectumsempra spell slashing across Malfoy, blood blossoming on the dirty tile of Moaning Myrtle's bathroom... Dumbledore in the cave, the Inferi rising out of the water... The Dark Mark over Hogwarts... Dumbledore's lifeless body falling over the parapet to the ground... Snape's face as he sent the Killing Curse at a weakened Dumbledore... The flight from Privet Drive... George's ear... Hedwig's death... Mad-Eye's disappearance and death... Death Eaters invading the wedding... The Atrium at the Ministry after Riddle took over... All those months on the run... Nagini coming out of Bathilda's body... The locket and Ron's expression of horror and revulsion before he finally stabbed it... Snape's body lying in an ever-widening pool of blood in the Shrieking Shack... Dobby... Fred... Remus... Tonks... Colin...

Faster and faster the images blurred through Harry's mind. He wasn't aware of Ginny trying to shake him awake, or his body thrashing, pulling the bedclothes awry. It was only when he fell out of the bed did he wake. Harry's eyes opened and instead of the sight of the bodies in the Great Hall, he saw his crumpled jeans under his nose. Panting, he sat up and looked around the dark bedroom, disoriented. 'Harry?' Ginny crouched in front of him, her hand touching his hand. He jerked his hand away as if burned.

'Don't touch me, Ginny,' he rasped. Ginny bit back a sharp retort and sat back on her heels.

Harry pushed himself to his feet and unsteadily walked to a window. He stared out at the snowy hills, hands braced on the sill.

'Harry?' The concern in Ginny's voice deepened. He hadn't had a nightmare this bad since before James was born. She reached out a tentative hand to his shoulder.

'I said, don't touch me!' Harry rounded on her, eyes burning. Ginny's eyes rounded in shock. She took a step back. Harry's shoulders slumped. 'I'm sorry, Gin,' he whispered. 'I can't... not right now.' He turned back to the silent dark countryside outside the window. 'Go back to bed.'

Ginny ran a hand through her hair, and picked up her wand. She used it to put the bedding back on the bed and climbed into it. She sat up against the headboard, and watched Harry deal with the guilt. It had never really healed completely. He had nightmares for weeks after the last battle and struggled with insomnia. Working with Shacklebolt had turned his focus from the aftermath of the war to the struggle to put things back to rights and that had helped. Living at the Burrow had helped, too. Arthur and Molly had sat him down before she had gone back to school that autumn and had a long talk with him. It helped with the guilt that simmered under the surface. But Ginny knew it was still there and prone to well up at unexpected moments. The last time had been over two years ago when Teddy finished school.

Harry only turned around when he heard Ginny's even breathing, announcing she had gone back to sleep. He dropped into the old armchair in the corner, and conjured a blanket for himself. After tucking it around his bare legs, he leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest. He usually didn't speak so harshly to Ginny, but if he had touched her when he woke up -

Harry squeezed his eyes shut. He had never told her why he sometimes woke her up in the middle of the night to make love to her. She was his antidote. She was real. And he needed something real to banish the nightmarish images. It hadn't been this bad since he was eighteen. Every time he had had a nightmare like this since then, he'd woken up achingly hard. And Harry had to admit to himself he would have been mindlessly rough with Ginny, had he taken her when he first surfaced from the nightmare.

And God help him -- that was what he wanted.

*****

Ginny woke up, automatically reaching for Harry. His side of the bed was cold and empty. She sat up, shoving her hair away from her face. Harry had dozed off in the armchair, snoring lightly. Ginny looked at the clock, and saw that it was only three in the morning. She quietly got up and found her dressing gown. She pulled it on and softly opened the door of their bedroom, closing it with a muted click.

James first. His room was closest. She opened the door a crack, and peeped in at her oldest child. He slept like Harry did, sprawled across the bed. He also slept like the dead. Nothing except an explosion could wake him up. Ginny truly felt sorry for the other boys in his dorm. She recalled with astounding clarity all those mornings they had to try to wake him up for school before he went to Hogwarts. Ginny silently closed the door, and went across the hall to Al's room.

Al slept like Harry. A sound sleeper, he could wake up at the slightest noise. He was the main reason they had to put Silencing charms on their bedroom door. Ginny smiled to herself. Al had been three when he had heard them one night and burst into the room, stuffed dragon raised high, ready to battle whatever horrible beast that was making those terrible groaning noises. But tonight, he was sleeping soundly. Ginny glanced at Scorpius. He was curled into a tight ball, a worn teddy peeking over the edge of the quilt. Ginny smiled and closed the door. Lily next, then.

Lily didn't move much when she slept. Once she settled to sleep, she pretty much stayed there. Lily reminded her so much of herself at that age. Impatient, bright, chatty, and dear Merlin, more willful than a roomful of Weasleys. Ginny knew Lily had Harry wrapped around her little finger the moment she'd been born. That had happened so fast, Harry had to deliver her. Ginny closed the door and padded back down to her bedroom.

Harry was still sleeping in the armchair. Ginny stood and watched him, torn between leaving him be, or waking him and urging him back into bed. They relied so much on each other. She didn't realize how much until Al was born six weeks too early, and they spent a week sitting next to him, watching every breath he took, until they had been assured by the Healers he would be all right. She and Harry had forced each other to eat, and if not sleep in a bed, sleep in the rocker next to Al's cot at St. Mungo's.

Ginny knelt next to the chair, and gently touched Harry on the arm. 'Harry?' she whispered. His eyes flew open, and he pulled Ginny onto his lap.

'I'm sorry, Gin. I'm so sorry,' he said, his voice grainy with sleep.

'Shhhh.' Ginny stroked the back of his neck. 'Come to bed with me?' He jerked slightly, and she deepened the gentle massage to his neck. 'Please? It's cold, and I don't sleep well without you,' she pleaded.

Harry nodded mutely. Ginny slid off his lap and Harry stood up. Ginny took his hand to lead him back to bed, but he stopped her. 'Ginny, wait.' She turned with a questioning look on her face. He pulled his t-shirt over his head and dropped it in the chair, then took off his boxers. Completely nude, he tugged the belt of Ginny's dressing gown until it came untied, and he pushed it off her shoulders. Swallowing audibly, he pulled her closer and inched the nightdress up until he could lift it over her head. 'Okay,' he whispered.

Ginny tucked him into bed, like he was Lily, and then slipped into her side. She had no more than lay down when he reached for her. Hungrily, he kissed her, his tongue tracing the outline of her lips. Harry needed to feel her under him, around him. He shifted so one knee rested between Ginny's thighs and his fingers wove into her hair. Driven by the need to touch her, he slid one hand down her body, and between them. Ginny moaned softly in his ear, her teeth nibbling the slightly stubbly skin under his jaw. 'Ginny... I...' Harry kissed her shoulder. 'I can't promise it won't be...' Sighing, Harry pressed his forehead to Ginny's and met her wide brown eyes. 'It might be...' Harry wildly fished for an appropriate word, swearing softly when he couldn't find one. 'It won't be like last night,' he finally finished, his cheeks reddening slightly.

Ginny's only reply was to pull his head back down for a kiss, and to wrap her legs around his hips. Harry thrust into her, gathering her wrists together in one hand, holding them over her head. He knew he was probably hurting her, but at that point, he didn't care. He felt Ginny's mouth on his neck, and that only urged him to make it harder. Dimly, he was aware of Ginny meeting him, thrust for thrust. He let go of her wrists and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, holding her tightly to him. Clenching his teeth against the inevitable, he found Ginny's mouth, and kissed her, wondering who on earth was making those whimpering sounds. He climaxed with a guttural shout, muffled by Ginny's lips. Harry lowered his head to Ginny's shoulder, unable to move just yet. As the blood singing in his ears slowed, he was aware of dampness on his cheeks that had nothing to do with his recent activity. Ginny's hand floated up from the darkness and brushed the tears from his face.

Harry fell asleep draped over Ginny. She lay awake, one hand twirling a lock of hair, the other entwined in one of Harry's that rested on her breast. She turned her head carefully, so as not to wake him. He looked like he was no more than seventeen or eighteen when he was sleeping. The moonlight poured through the window, highlighting the faded scar on his forehead, and the ones his body still bore from the months trying to find the Horcruxes. 'It's not your fault,' she whispered, nearly soundlessly. Ginny eventually fell asleep inhaling the scent of Harry's body.

*****

'Mum? Dad?' James' voice called through the heavy wooden door. Ginny and Harry both bolted upright, the bedding twisted around their bodies.

'Damn,' Ginny swore softly looking at the clock. It was after nine. She was late.

'What is it, James?' Harry's voice was thick with sleep.

'Is it okay if we go sledding?'

'Have you eaten breakfast?' Ginny asked, rubbing her hands over her face.

'Yes, Mum. We had toast and cereal.' James replied, getting slightly annoyed at the inquisition. 'We're not all ickle firsties,' he said under his breath.

'Fine, go. Just be back by lunch,' Harry said, flopping back into his pillow and curling on his side, facing Ginny.

Ginny mimicked his actions and closed her eyes. 'I think I'm going to stay here today. I can write my piece just as well here as I can in London. I'll just owl it over. It's not going in the paper until later this week anyway.' Ginny opened one eye to find Harry staring at her. 'Do I have something on my face?'

'I'm sorry about last night.'

'What part?'

'Erm... the part where we went back to bed.' He gently touched her shoulder where a clearly defined bite showed on her pale skin. 'I didn't mean to hurt you.'

'You didn't hurt me. If you recall, I was a willing participant.' Ginny touched his collarbone. 'You didn't come out of it unscathed, either, my lad,' she stated, tracing the purplish mark that flowed over it. 'Want to tell me about it?'

Harry's eyes drifted shut. 'It was everything. From my first year until the last battle.' His throat constricted around the words. 'Images, like Muggle photographs.' He toyed with the ends of Ginny's hair. 'It's not always like that, when I get them,' he confessed. 'It's not everything like that.' He passed a hand over his eyes tiredly. 'The last time I dreamed like that was when Teddy finished school,' he murmured. 'Then it was just seeing Remus and Tonks in the Hall.'

Ginny traced the contours of his face with her fingertips, attempting to soothe the lines of strain away. 'It's just a dream,' she said. 'Nobody will ever be able to hurt you again.' She drew his mouth to hers. 'Not if I have anything to say about it,' she added. 'Go back to sleep. I'm going to get some work done while the heathens are outside.'

Harry nodded and burrowed into the pillows. Ginny swung out of bed and quickly dressed. She ran a hand down the back of Harry's head, bending to kiss his temple before heading downstairs.

*****

Harry pulled the quilt around his shoulders, bringing it up to his nose. It smelled like Ginny. Sighing, he closed his eyes and forced himself to relax. It was rather like trying to empty his mind for Occlumency.

Waking up in his bed in the Gryffindor dormitory to find Ginny curled in a chair, watching him sleep, almost like she was guarding him... Ginny standing in front of him in his flat, wearing that nightdress with the violets embroidered on it... The first time he felt James kick when Ginny was pregnant with him... The first time Albus grabbed his finger the week he'd been born... Being the first person to touch Lily as she shot into the world, a head full of flame-bright hair, squalling angrily at her change in situation... Taking Teddy to Diagon Alley to buy his school things... Doing the same thing with James and Albus... Hearing each of the children call him 'Da' for the first time... Ginny on her broom, her dark-green-and-gold robes streaming behind her, as she hurled the Quaffle into the goalpost... Ginny standing next to him on their wedding day, with tiny white flowers woven into her hair, sliding the ring on his finger... Slipping away from the reception to the old tree house in the oak tree at the bottom of the paddock to make love to his wife...

The images slowly stopped flickering, and Harry's body relaxed in sleep.