Remember You

Remember You
Chapter Seven
~~~~~

Wednesday night found Harry, Ron, and Hermione sitting around the Common room fire. Hermione was lying down with her head in Ron's lap and Harry was sitting in a chair by himself. He was pretending to read the third book in The Chronicles of Narnia, while looking at his piece of parchment, hoping for Draco to write something. The past two nights, Draco had merely written Harry's name and nothing else. The Gryffindor began to wonder if Draco actually wanted to continue writing, or if he was just seeing if Harry would answer. Harry sighed deeply, as the waiting grew longer and longer. Ron looked over at him.

"Hey, mate, I haven't seen you turn the page once since you opened that thing," he commented, sounding a little concerned. "Is there something wrong?"

"No. I'm just thinking."

"About what?" Hermione inquired, not raising her head from Ron's lap.

"Erm - just Draco. He's been acting a little strange lately."

"Really?" Hermione's interest had been piqued and she sat up and looked at her friend intently.

"Yeah," Harry sighed as he let his eyes fall to the parchment. He spoke slowly as he read the message that was slowly appearing. "It's nothing that I should worry about..."

"Yeah?" Ron prodded.

"He's just... been... nice to me."

Harry, I know you probably have this stuffed under your things in your trunk...

"Has he been speaking to you again?" Ron asked.

...and that's why I'm taking the chance at writing this. I know this will disappear before you see what I'm writing. You know well enough that I would never say these things out loud. I'm not good at the whole tell-how-I'm-feeling sort of business.

"No. He... just doesn't glare or sneer anymore..."

I hate what you did to me. I really do. When I saw you and him together, I wanted to kill both of you. I hated that feeling you evoked in me. I've never felt anything stronger in my entire life, and it was terrible.

"He's been talking about you more," Hermione said brightly. "Every time we have to do something together, he says something about you."

Jealousy is a terrible thing. I can say that because on that day, I almost killed you without realising it. I've had a lot of time to think, and a lot of time to talk to people about this. The more I think, and the more I talk, the more I realise something....

"Oh?" Harry finally replied, glancing up at his friends quickly.

I don't know if I'll ever say this out loud to anybody... not even you. And you're the person that deserves to hear it the most. But... it's not really my style to say things like this. Hell, I'm probably breaking every Malfoy code of conduct there is just by writing all this mushy crap. I'm probably breaking one of Draco's laws right now.... I wonder if you ever figured that out, or if Hermione ever told you about that. I hope not. I definitely don't want to kill you.

Anyway, I've realised, that I love you. I know what you're thinking; you've already told me that before, Draco. I have said it. But I didn't truly know what it meant. I knew that I cared for you more than I've ever cared for anybody before. I knew that I liked being with you. I knew that I wanted to protect you. But I didn't realise that I could ever really love you.

Since we've been apart, I think I've come to a better understanding of what love is. I can't say I understand it completely, because it's so complex and has so many meanings. But I think I have figured out what that word means to me. To me, it means having somebody in your life that you care about so much, that a fire burns within your soul every time you look at him. You hear his voice, touch him, talk about him; anything that has to do with that person sets the flames higher. God, I sound like such a milksop, but it's the honest truth. It's when you care about somebody so completely, that you can't imagine yourself living without him, you can't stop thinking about him for even one minute of the day. The very idea of him engulfs your entire being, strangles, suffocates you. It's something so entirely... beautiful and so ugly at the same time. It's addicting. You want more hits, but then suddenly, you find yourself without him and everything falls apart. You go through withdrawals. You can't sleep, you can't eat, you can't think. You'd do anything for another fix. You'd do anything to turn back time and take back what you didn't tell him. You'd do anything to change the fact that you pushed him away, and that this whole ordeal is entirely your fault

. I'd do anything to change this. I want to tell you what I wouldn't before. I want to tell you why I pushed you away. I want you. But I want to stop seeing you and him together. .... I miss you, Harry. I can't get more honest than this. I wish I could get the courage to tell you this to your face or write you a real letter because I know you're not reading this now. Most of all, I wish I didn't have to sound like such a bloody fool while writing all of this. But I can't think of any other way to say it. Someday, I want to be with you again. I just hope that we'll be able to forgive each other for the things we've done. I don't have much else to say except... I love you.

Draco

Harry let out a breath and glanced up at his friends. They were both staring at him strangely. "Are you all right, Harry?" Ron asked. "You seemed like you weren't breathing there for a minute."

"Yes," Hermione agreed. "We have been trying to talk to you for the past ten minutes, but you were in another world."

Harry swallowed and mentally shook his head. "I... I'm sorry." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I think I need to be alone."

The boy hurriedly stood up and ran to his dorm, in search of his backpack. He did not know where he was going, but he needed to be alone, and why not do homework while he was at it? It would be a means of keeping his added angst away. After grabbing his bag, Harry moved quickly through the Common Room, earning some curious stares. But he did not care. He needed a quiet place to think. The Gryffindor did not realise where his feet were taking him until he reached the door. He looked up at it and hesitated. "Slyfferin," he whispered at last. The door opened quietly and Harry pushed through, closed it, threw his bag on the floor and dropped into a cushy chair. He had finally got the courage to come back to the classroom that Draco and Snape had prepared for him in sixth year. Had he been more aware of his surroundings, he would have realised that there were candles already lit around the couch. But Harry had closed his eyes and was breathing deeply. A small smile crossed his face when a familiar scent tickled his nose. It was a musky scent with a hint of vanilla and cinnamon. It was Draco's cologne. Harry would recognise it anywhere.

A light clicked on in his brain and he tensed his body, just as the other person in the room cleared his throat. Harry's green eyes snapped open and looked at Draco. The boys stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity before Harry cleared his own throat. "Oh. I... I didn't know you were in here, Dr... Malfoy," he stuttered, incredibly aware that this situation was the most awkward that he had ever been in. Of course, Draco did not know that Harry had read the parchment. He began to stand up. "I'll... I'll just leave then."

"Sit down, Potter," Draco drawled, obviously trying to keep irritation out of his voice. "Don't let me stop you from doing what you want to do." Harry sat, but only because he was surprised at the invitation to stay.

"Well, I..." Draco smirked. "Articulate tonight, aren't we?"

Harry scowled. "I just didn't want to bother you, that's all."

"How thoughtful of you, Potter. I'm touched," he replied sarcastically.

Harry decided to change the subject so that he would not get angry and take it out on Draco. He thought a little and suddenly realised that he should not feel uncomfortable as it was Draco who was being a prat. "So... are you still planning on carrying out your punishment, Malfoy?"

Draco was silent, but then he seemed to figure out about what Harry was speaking about. "You still don't even know what the punishment is, do you?" he asked superiorly.

"Sure. You're planning on killing me, right?"

Draco flinched. "Granger told you, didn't she?"

"No," Harry lied. He did not want Draco to know that he had been showing Hermione his letters. "I knew about Draco already."

"Bollocks. Granger told you about him."

"How do you figure?" Draco hesitated, and even almost smiled, but he quickly turned it into a smirk. "Because she's the one who told me about him. It's Muggle history. I don't know a thing about that. Come to think of it, I don't know a thing about wizarding history either. It's bloody boring."

Harry laughed. "Neither do I. All I know is that there were hundreds upon hundreds of goblin rebellions. What more do I need to know?" He stopped and shook his head, silently laughing. "It figures she told you that. That was probably why she was trying to keep from smiling when I was asking about it after I read your last letter to me -"

Draco paled and he stiffened in his seat. "What letter?"

"Well, the last one in that little letter war we were having. That was the one where you mentioned Draco's law."

Draco blinked, nonplussed. "Letter war... I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about, Potter."

"How can you not remember that?" Harry asked incredulously. "We were sending letters to each other, and you kept saying how lame my come backs were."

A slow, dawning comprehension crossed Draco's face. "So that's what Granger was on about," he said slowly.

"What do you mean?"

"She kept asking me what my reply would be if somebody sent me a letter saying things like, 'here's a thought, you sod off.' You know, things like that. I never asked her what she was doing though. I thought she was completely mad. So... you were getting letters from me, which I never wrote, and I kept getting roses..." Draco trailed off thoughtfully.

"Roses?" Harry squeaked, "from who?"

"The note always said from you. It was in your handwriting."

Harry huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. "So you get something that is kind of nice, but I get letters that belittle my ego. That's real nice. If Ron and Hermione were behind all of this, they're going to be sorry."

Draco waved him off. "Don't bother with them, Potter. They're just trying to get us back together."

Draco looked down at his lap, biting his lip, and Harry took the time to stare at the blond sadly. The pair sat in silence for a few minutes. "So, I assume Hermione told you of Draco's law to get your reaction to it, did she?" Harry asked.

"I suppose she did."

Harry nodded. "Were you going to follow through?"

Draco smirked again before answering. "Now where would the fun be if I just came right out and told you? Where's the fun when there's no torture involved?"

Harry shrugged nonchalantly and turned so that he could drape his legs over the arm of the chair and laid his head on the other arm. The boys fell into silence again, and Harry fought the urge over and over again to go and curl up beside Draco. He could feel the Slytherin's stare boring into his head and his body. But he did not care. It felt good to know that Draco loved him.

As Harry began to drift to sleep, Draco spoke. "Big game next month, right?"

"Uh huh," Harry replied sleepily. "You and Weasley are the captains?"

"Yeah.... I didn't want to be."

"You didn't?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Too much on my mind."

"Like what?"

Harry sighed tiredly, on the very edges of falling asleep. "I..." He got felt lazy and did not want to speak. "...Don't know."

Draco was silent for a few minutes, letting Harry drift further into sleep. "Harry? Do you fancy Charlie Weasley?"

"No," came the mumbled reply.

"Who do you fancy?"

Harry was silent for a while, and Draco began to stand, thinking that he had fallen asleep. "I love Draco," he mumbled, "only him."

With those last words, Harry fell into a deep sleep.

Harry woke the next morning, tucked away in the large silver four-poster in nothing but his boxers, and his glasses folded neatly on the table. The room was empty, but the smell of vanilla and cinnamon was lingering on the pillow next to Harry. Harry could not help but notice that the spot was still warm, and that his skin was tingling pleasantly as if he had been held all night. Harry did not need to start his day by watching the orb. He already felt good.

**

Almost two weeks later, when Halloween was just two nights away, Harry was sitting on the couch and Draco at the table. They had been coming to the room every night, even on weekends. During the weekdays, they would busy themselves with homework, but on weekends, they would stretch out on different chairs or the couch and read quietly. Anybody observing them would have thought that they did not even know that the other was there. Harry was always second into the room; Draco would acknowledge his presence by stating 'Potter' and Harry would return it with, 'Malfoy.' Then they would sit in silence, doing whatever work they had.

Presently, Harry was struggling through his Potions homework. The class had gradually become more difficult than it had ever been before, and Harry found it increasingly difficult to finish the assigned homework to Snape's standards. Harry did consider going to Hermione but she was so busy with her own homework, Ron, and exceeding the expectations of her Head Girl duties, that Harry highly suspected that she did not leave any room for sleep. The dark-haired boy sighed with exasperation and threw his quill down. "It's bloody impossible," he muttered to himself as he thread his fingers through his hair.

"Problems, Potter?" Draco asked suddenly, making Harry jump in his seat. Draco smirked and Harry hesitated. He was not sure if he wanted to give Draco more ammunition for insults to make fun of him with. Draco sighed. "What class are you working on right now?"

"Potions," Harry finally muttered.

"The one that's due tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"I just finished that. It was pretty difficult but..." Harry finally wrenched his gaze from his book to look up at the Slytherin during his hesitation. Draco was shifting awkwardly in his chair like he was debating whether to stand up or not. "I... could help you. I mean, if you want," he added hastily. Harry stared at him blankly. Draco swallowed and looked at his just-completed Potions essay.

"You don't mind?" Harry finally asked uncertainly.

"Actually, I do mind, Potter," Draco smirked again, his confidence coming back. "But what kind of Head Boy would I be if I neglected helping my fellow students out?"

The Slytherin stood, walked to Harry and sat to the right of him. "So, how far are you?" Harry felt a lump form rapidly in his throat. It had been some time since he had been this close to Draco. Their bodies were so close that their body heat was intermingling with each other, creating a tingling sensation on Harry's right side. "Well?" Draco asked impatiently, shooting his silver gaze into Harry's head.

Harry cleared his throat. "Not very far. I just don't get the whole concept of how the ingredients interact in the Glamour potion."

"Oh, well, that's the easiest part of the potion. All you really have to know is which order to put in the ingredients in because otherwise they won't interact correctly. For instance, if you put essence of unicorn in before thyme, you'll create a deadly poison."

"Okay..." Harry said slowly. "But what about this thing with boomslang skin? That part doesn't make sense."

Draco moved forward so that he was sitting on the edge of the couch and leaned towards Harry so that he could read the book. Harry's breath caught as Draco's thigh pressed against his knee. The Gryffindor was not able to look anywhere but at the blond beauty right next to him. The only thing on his mind was to take Draco and kiss him softly, and apologise for everything he did. Then they could lie in each other's arms and talk everything through. Draco started to speak again, bringing Harry sharply back to reality. The darker boy ripped his eyes from Draco and looked to the book. Draco was pointing his long, slender finger at the text that spoke about boomslang skin.

"See here, Har... Potter?" He stopped and seemed to be cursing himself for his slip. "They say exactly what boomslang skin is for," he continued, and then turned his head to look at Harry. "You remember learning about Glamour charms in fifth year?" Harry nodded. "Do you remember how to cast it?"

"You say, 'glamourie' and imagine what you want the person to look like. If you do it correctly, the person will look like what you imagined."

"Right. Boomslang skin takes the place of the wand. It's the active ingredient, just as the wand is for the charm. When you add the skin to the potion, you have to imagine what the drinker will look like after they consume it. If I were to make the potion and imagine Crabbe while adding the skin, and you drank it, assuming I did the potion correctly, you'd turn into Crabbe. Get it?"

They locked eyes, and they both swallowed. "I think so. But... isn't this like a different form of the polyjuice potion? I mean, boomslang skin is also in that."

Draco raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't know. Polyjuice isn't even taught here because it's considered a Dark Art."

Harry flushed and turned from Draco's gaze. "Well, you... you know what Polyjuice does though, surely?" Harry asked, keeping his eyes riveted on the floor.

"Yes," Draco admitted after a lengthy pause. "Glamour potion is like it, only it hasn't been outlawed because it's a lot like the Glamour charm. There are differences though. I believe the Polyjuice gives you another person's voice, along with their DNA. The Glamour charm and potion don't do that. You can make and cast Glamour that will transform your voice but it's extremely difficult. You have to know exactly what that person's voice sounds like. I've never heard of anybody trying it but I can't imagine it would work very well. I'm sure the voice would end up being a slightly different pitch than the actual person's voice. You can also keep the physical form for as long as you want. You have to drink the antidote to change back, unlike the Polyjuice."

"Okay, I think I get it now. But I may have some more questions."

Draco let a small smile cross his face. "Of course. I'll go get my homework and work here then. I mean, just in case you need help again." The Slytherin looked uncertainly at Harry, but Harry nodded and also allowed himself a hesitant smile. Draco grabbed his work, returned to the couch, and started his work again next to Harry. Harry did not get much done for the remainder of the night.

**

Halloween finally came, finding Harry sitting in the Great Hall amongst his closest friends, eating, and generally having a good time. For a few moments, he remembered Halloween one year earlier. That had been the day when Ron, Seamus, and Dean had tried to beat up Harry up. It had also been one of the first times when Harry had felt that thing flutter around excitedly in his stomach when he was with Draco. As Harry thought of Draco tending to Harry's wounds on his face, his stomach fluttered again, and his gaze lifted to glance over the Slytherin table. Draco was looking steadily back, and licked his lips. Whether he did it intentionally or not was anybody's guess. Harry swallowed thickly.

"Are you feeling all right, Harry?" Seamus asked.

"What?" Harry asked, bewildered as he tore his gaze from the Slytherin. "Oh, er - yeah, I think so. I've just never noticed how noticeable Neville's presence was until now," Harry said, truly missing his classmate.

He had been thinking about the disappearance a lot for the past couple weeks. Neville's presence had always seemed to be taken for granted by everybody in Gryffindor. But now that the pleasant boy was gone, everybody seemed to notice the aura that Neville brought to their house.

Seamus, Dean, Ron, and Hermione all nodded their heads in agreement. "I miss hearing his snores at night," Dean admitted. "I never realised that I always waited to hear it before I allowed myself to go to sleep. Now, I can rarely fall asleep until nearly three in the morning. It just doesn't feel right." All the boys agreed with this. Harry did not realise that he did the same, until now that Dean mentioned it. Ever since the forgetful boy's disappearance, he had not been sleeping until hours later than he normally did. The small group of seventh years fell silent among the noisy Gryffindors and continued to eat their feast of sweets.

After Harry was finished, he excused himself from the table and hurried to the classroom to be alone. Before the feast, he had dropped off his bag with the orb inside, just in case he might want to use it. And after the short, but depressing conversation about Neville, he felt he needed something to cheer him up. The Gryffindor placed the orb in the middle of the bed and sat a few feet from it. With the whispered incantation, invisible curtains rolled over the windows, and a wind blew out the candles, immersing Harry in darkness before James and Lily Potter illuminated the room. They were standing in the bed, but did not seem to notice. Their legs were hidden beneath the mattress, letting just their torsos and head show. They smiled down at Harry and at various points in the room when they were looking at people who were supposed to be there. For the next twenty minutes Harry indulged himself with his parents' voices, touches, and smells. When they faded, he waited expectantly for the red light. The orb cracked, the red light shot out of it, hitting Harry square in the chest, pushing him back into the bed.

The dark-haired boy lay still for a few moments, enjoying the peace. But it did not last for long. "Goddammit, Potter! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" Harry turned his head slightly to see that Draco was standing at the edge of the bed, glaring down furiously.

"Watching my parents," he replied lazily. "They're nice, aren't they?"

"Yes, I remember that. I don't need to see it again." Draco angrily heaved the orb off of the bed and set it on the table where the Slytherin's homework lay.

"I think you're the one who shouldn't be touching it anymore. What did Dumbledore say about that red light?"

Harry sat up again just as Draco sat next to him. "I was checked over by Madam Pomfrey and she said that there was nothing wrong with me. Dumbledore is the only one who knows anything about that thing, and he says that there is no danger in letting me watch my parents."

Draco clenched his jaw angrily. "If there's nothing wrong with that orb, then how come Dumbledore won't tell you anything about it?"

"He has told me things about it!"

"Oh, really? Like what?" Harry faltered.

"Er - that it's very valuable because it is the only one of its kind in the world, so I have to keep it safe."

"Wow. Interesting information, that," Draco drawled. " I bet you could get an entire book out of that."

"Look," Harry grit out, starting to feel annoyed. "Maybe there just isn't anything interesting about it. Maybe he's afraid I'll die of boredom if he does tell me."

"How could there not be anything interesting about it? I mean, there has to be more of a reason why you have to keep it safe. Have you ever thought of that? No," Draco scoffed. "I suppose your brain is at full capacity as it is, isn't it? It would fail from overload if it put anymore work into what you already know."

Harry let out a low animal growl in the back of his throat and pounced on Draco. Unluckily for both of them, Draco was sitting on the edge of the bed, and Harry ended up tackling Draco off of the bed. The blond let out a very undignified grunt as Harry landed on top of him. Harry immediately lifted himself so that he was holding Draco's shoulders down and brought his right knee in between Draco's thighs.

"Why do you do that?" Harry yelled in anger. "Why do you put me down all the time? I'm bloody sick of it, Draco! Just tell me what you really think of me! Tell me how you really feel about me!" he demanded.

Draco, who had had the breath knocked out of him, took a deep breath, shifting under Harry's weight. "What are you talking about, Potter?" he gasped out. Harry faintly noticed the alarmed, almost panicked look in Draco's eyes.

Harry's face collapsed. "Stop calling me that."

Draco took a deep breath and swallowed. "It's not like I'm calling you a bloody, cheating bastard. I'm calling you by name, which I suppose I should be calling you a bloody, cheating bastard."

"I said I was sorry!" Harry cried out. "I know you still want to be with me, and you know damn well that I still want to be with you, you prick! I'm sorry! I never meant anything like that to happen. Damn it, Draco," Harry sighed, as he removed himself from the other boy and propped his back against the bed. He watched tiredly as Draco moved himself to lean against the wall a couple feet from him. "Just... just tell me what you wrote to me before." Draco's face had been pink from his previous activity, but now it turned as white as it had been pink.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Draco whispered.

"Don't say that. I know you do, and you knew that I would be watching that damn piece of parchment. What made you think otherwise?"

"You were supposed to have it hidden in your trunk somewhere."

"I did until a couple weeks before you wrote that. I don't know how it got into my bag, but somehow it did, and when I dropped a whole stack of parchment on the floor in the Common room, I saw it. You had written, I miss you. After that, I watched it every night."

"Then how did you know to come here after you read it?"

Harry shrugged. "I didn't. I just knew I needed to get away from the Common room and my feet just carried me here. It must have been a coincidence that you were already here. Admit it, Draco... you knew I had read it."

"I had a feeling," Draco admitted. "Especially when you asked me about Draco and if I was still planning on killing you."

Harry grinned. "Are you?"

Draco glared and kicked out his foot, hitting Harry's thigh. "Hey!" Harry exclaimed laughing.

"You're making fun of me, you arse. You have no idea what it took to actually write that damn letter. I wrote about a ton of different versions before I wrote it onto that parchment."

"I'm not making fun of you. I just... don't know what else to talk about. It seemed like relatively safe ground. If you don't want to feel like I'm making fun of you, go ahead and start up a topic of your own. Say or ask anything."

Draco looked at the floor for such a long time that Harry thought that their brief conversation was already coming to an end. But finally, "tell me, in three sentences, just so it doesn't get long, why... why you cheated on me. I mean, I think I know the reason, but I want to know."

"Three sentences?" Harry asked incredulously. Draco stared at him sternly. Harry relented. "All right, three sentences it is. Let me think of the best way to put it then.... Sentence one," Harry grinned cheekily when Draco glared at him. "Sentence one: you began pushing me away, and made me feel unwanted. Sentence two: I became unsure of myself, of your feelings for me, and I wanted to feel wanted. Sentence three," Harry paused briefly and looked away towards the door. "That's where Charlie comes in."

"Oh," Draco replied after a short silence. "Then it is my fault."

"No!" Harry exclaimed, whipping his head to lock eyes with Draco. "I obviously did something to make you feel like the only way to fix whatever I screwed up, was to push me away. Yes, you had a part in it. Of course, you did because you were in our relationship just as much as I was. But I had the biggest part. I'm the one who allowed myself to kiss Charlie. I'm the one who cheated, not you."

"But if I would have told you, Harry. You don't understand why I pushed you away!"

"I'll give you that. I have an idea, but I'm not sure."

"What do you think it is?" Draco asked, an honest curiousity in his silver eyes.

"Well, I think it has something to do with sex, or something. You decided to keep Ron and Hermione around after we were kissing in the kitchen. I don't want to offend you or anything, but you seem almost scared."

Draco broke their gaze, and let out a humourless laugh. "Well, I suppose I should tell you that you've been right in that assumption all along." Draco looked back up with so much pain apparent in his face that Harry could feel his heart breaking. "I want to tell you, Harry. I want to so bad, but I hate thinking about it. I don't know if I could speak about it. I've never even told Severus about it."

"You have to start somewhere."

"I know."

"You don't have to start with me though, if you don't want to. You can start with Snape."

"No. I don't want him to know. It might sound crazy that I don't want him to know now, but it might make more sense once I do tell you."

"How are you so sure that it's me that you want to tell?" Draco paused. "Remember what my main topic was in that letter?"

"Love?"

"Yeah. I want it to be you because of that, Harry. I don't want to hide this from you anymore. We should be together, and it broke us up once already. I can't let it happen again."

Harry swallowed. "Draco... are you saying that you're... you're willing to give me another chance?"

"Someday. I don't know when though. It might be tonight, for all I know. That's if you don't hate me after I tell you this."

"I don't know what you could say that could do that," Harry replied honestly.

"This might," Draco whispered. There was a lengthy silence while Draco summoned the willpower to speak again. Harry hesitantly placed a hand on Draco's ankle, and rubbed circles with his thumb, attempting to comfort. "I don't know if you remember this particular aspect of the night that you were supposed to get initiated, but when Voldemort was walking around the circle, he stopped at me."

Harry nodded. "I remember."

"He had found out about our detention together when we were snogging, and I'm sure you noticed that he was angry enough about this to put the Cruciatus on me. I'm sure everybody else thought it was just because I chose you to snog during detention. I don't know what you thought, because, well, you were supposedly on Voldemort's side then. Why would he have been mad about two of his followers getting along, right? What you don't know, is that when a new person is initiated into the group, they are assigned a duty to fulfill. If you don't fulfill it, you are killed."

"You mean like when Voldemort wanted me to torture Ron and kill Sirius?"

"No. That's just to get in. I'm talking about when you're already in. I'm sure you would have been assigned something really easy, and not so traumatising since you were meant to be Voldemort's right-hand man. Anyway, most men get assigned to do something that they have to do once and then they forget about it, like raping and killing a Muggle or something."

When Draco paused, Harry marvelled at his skill to be able to talk about something like that so easily. It made him sad. "The problem was, was that I had hesitated to join. I took too long to decide what I wanted, so I was given the worse job possible. It was a job that never ended as long as I was a faithful Death Eater."

Harry felt bile rising in his throat, but he willed it down, because his worst fear had not yet been realised.... Draco just had to say it; he had not yet. "It was a job where I had to submit completely to whoever it was." The blond looked at Harry with wide, wet eyes. "I can't even tell you how many times... how many times I was... used, tortured... raped. It was sex more often than not." Draco let out a low, dry sob and covered his face with his hands, pressing the tips of his fingers into his eyes. "Oh, God, I'd rather take the Cruciatus all night than what they put me through." Draco's body shuddered, and he brought his knees to his chest, and wrapped his arms around his legs, pulling his body as tightly together as he could. The blond sat in silence for a few minutes, staring straight ahead at the bed. He began rocking back and forth slightly, but stopped when he realised what he was doing.

Draco took a breath and began speaking again. "I never knew what my assignment was until that first night. I was told to go into a bedroom and wait for somebody to come. When somebody did come, he just... started ripping my clothes off... and he..." Draco swallowed thickly and looked away. "I had thought that I was going to get a lecture on what I was to do. I thought I was going to have to do something to a Muggle. I never... never thought that...." Harry stared in horrified silence as for the second time in his life, he saw Draco Malfoy cry. Fat tears rolled down his face and the blond made no effort to swipe them away. The tears seemed to have no end. "I never even wanted to be a Death Eater. I never wanted any of it, and I certainly never wanted that."

Harry began to feel his own eyes prickle. "Draco," he choked out. "You don't have to go on."

"I'll never admit being scared of anything before in my life," Draco continued as if Harry had not spoken. "But I was scared every time I was called. I knew what would happen... over and over again, every night. At first, there were a lot of them who came to me, but then there was just one. They... they were always so rough, Harry. It hurt so bad every time, no matter how many times they did it. I was always bleeding so much whenever they finally let me go.... It hurt so bad."

"Oh, god... Draco, how did you keep this a secret?"

Draco turned his bloodshot eyes to Harry. "One of the lessons that my father taught me, is my acting skills. I learned a few healing spells to stop the bleeding. And I doubt anybody could beat my cushioning charms."

"I saw the bruises," Harry whispered. "I'll kill those bastards," he said venomously. "I'll kill all of them."

"Leave it to me, Harry. You're not the one who's going to be an Auror. You're the one who's either going to be a famous Quidditch player, or something else. You're meant to live a normal life after Voldemort is gone, and out of Hogwarts. After he's gone, you won't have to fight evil anymore."

Harry furrowed his brow. Being an Auror was all he wanted to do after Hogwarts, but he decided to let it slide for now. Draco's confession was more important than a possible career. "You're going to be an Auror?" he said instead.

"Yes. I forgot that I haven't told you yet. Not like I've had the chance... but yes, I am."

Harry smiled a little. "That's wonderful, Draco. I think you'll be great at it."

Draco's eyes were still glistening with tears. Harry moved towards him and hesitantly gathered the Slytherin into his arms. Draco exhaled slowly and pulled Harry to him as close as he could. "I still want to kill them though," Harry whispered into Draco's silky hair.

Draco's deep laugh vibrated in Harry's chest. "You'll get your chance soon enough. But that last battle is all I'm allowing you. After that, it's a quiet retirement from Dark Arts for you."

"You're telling me what I can do?" Harry asked, chuckling softly.

"Damn straight." The boys sat in silence for a few moments, each left to their own thoughts. Harry rubbed Draco's back soothingly, and they held each other tighter. Just as Harry was about to ask Draco where they stood, a sudden jolt went through the Gryffindor's body, startling both of them.

Draco pulled back a little and looked curiously at the darker boy. "What was that all about?"

"I don't know. It happened once before a little more than a month ago. It's probably nothing."

Harry pulled the blond into his body once more and lightly traced invisible lines in Draco's hair with his nose, taking in the pleasant scent. Before he realised what he was doing, he had placed his lips at Draco's temple and kissed him softly. "Draco?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't get why Voldemort was angry with you for kissing me during detention. Why should it have mattered to him who you kissed?"

"For one, we both lied to him and said that we weren't friends. For another, he didn't want me being with anybody else outside of the inner circle."

"Oh god... Voldemort didn't... he wasn't one of them, was he?" Harry asked, dreading the answer.

Draco hesitated for a long moment and Harry felt his heart drop into his stomach. "Yes," he whispered. "Of course he was. That was the main reason he was angry. After a while, he didn't want the Death Eaters to have me anymore because he wanted me to himself. I think you would understand that I dreaded him the most. His fingers were always so cold, and he was the most brutal." Draco shivered violently and burrowed himself further into Harry's warmth.

"I don't understand," Harry said, kissing Draco's cheek. "I thought he would be a bigot concerning homosexuals like he is with Muggles."

"Are you kidding me? He was always talking about how Purebloods should be allowed to do whatever they want. If they want to take pleasure in the same sex, then so be it. He always said how beautiful Purebloods are and that I was the luckiest of the lot, because I was just so beautiful. He claimed that rich Purebloods had more of a right to do the sort of things that we..." Draco choked. "That he did to me." The blond sniffed lightly and buried his forehead in Harry's neck. "Even if what he said was true, which it's not, and I was consenting to have sex with him, he wouldn't be allowed to have sex with another man. He's a filthy hypocrite. He's not even a pureblood. Did you know that? His father was a Muggle."

"Yeah. I did know that," Harry said quietly. Harry bit his lip to keep himself from saying something stupid. Nevertheless, he did say something stupid before he could stop himself. "Didn't your father know about what was happening? Wouldn't he have stopped it?"

Draco pulled back harshly and glared at Harry. "Of course he knew about it! Even if he had wanted to put a stop to it, he wouldn't have because he wouldn't have been able to! That's why I never told Severus, because he would feel guilty about not being able to do anything about it. You don't stop things that Voldemort personally orders. Hell, you don't try to stop things that Death Eaters themselves do, unless you know for a fact that Voldemort wouldn't approve of them doing it. Severus would have gotten himself killed. Lucius would never have done it because of that... too worried about his own skin. He never would have helped me anyway."

Harry noticed that Draco was trembling again. "I'm sorry, Draco. I didn't mean to make you upset again.... Come here." Harry opened his arms again as an invitation. Draco hesitated for a moment but then let himself be comforted. The Gryffindor held the other boy gently but fiercely. Draco was still trembling from the memories that were no doubt flooding his mind. They did not know how long they sat there, but when Harry next looked up, it was to see that Hermione and Ron had poked their head into the door, and had just spotted the two on the floor, holding each other. They walked in cautiously and closed the door behind them. "Ron, Hermione? How did you know I was here?" Draco tensed, but as Harry began rubbing his back again, he relaxed, but did not look at their visitors.

"We didn't know," Hermione replied, looking worriedly at Draco. "We've been looking for you two."

"Yeah, Dumbledore told us to look for you two," Ron added. "He seemed to know that you were together for some reason." Harry cracked a small smile. "What doesn't he know?"

"He doesn't know that he should tell you about that orb," Draco replied, his voice slightly muffled since his face was buried in Harry's neck.

"Shut up, you," Harry replied affectionately.

"Er - are we interrupting something?" Hermione asked uncertainly.

"No. We were just talking," Harry said quickly.

"Just talking? Then why is Malfoy all curled up with you like that? Show us your face, Malfoy. Were you crying?" Ron sneered.

Harry clenched his jaw as Hermione elbowed her boyfriend in the ribs. "Hermione, do that again for me, please," Harry grit out. Hermione only too happily complied and Harry felt Draco smile against his neck as Ron let out a second grunt. "What we were talking about and whether Draco was crying or not, is not for me to say. It is Draco's business... it's Draco's and my business--"

"It's not your business, Potter!" Draco interrupted. He looked up at Harry so that he was the only one who could see his tear-stained face. "It's mine to deal with alone."

"Don't call me Potter, Draco. And yes, it is my business. If you had wanted to keep it your business and yours alone, then you damn well shouldn't have told me. Whether you like it or not, it is my business just as much as it is yours." Harry stopped, but then continued in a low voice so that his friends could not hear. "You told me and you can't take it back. I don't care if you hate it, you're mine, and you're stuck with me forever."

Draco continued to glare angrily at Harry, but slowly his face began to melt as he glared into Harry's sincere eyes. Much to Harry's delight, a small smile eventually formed on the Slytherin's lips and Draco brought a hand and placed it gently on Harry's cheek. "I belong to nobody, Harry." Harry reveled in the fact that Draco had not protested to being stuck with Harry forever, before he gently shook his head, a teasing smile on his face.

"You're mine, Draco." Draco did not reply. He mock-glared, and began to lean up. Harry's heart began beating fast, and he quickly wet his lips, already feeling the Slytherin's breath brushing on his lips. Draco pulled Harry's head down further. Their lips just managed to brush lightly together.

"Oh, come on!" Ron exclaimed loudly. "Get a room!"

Harry looked up angrily at the redhead, and found that Hermione had at least turned her back on them to give them privacy, but Ron was staring at them with a curled lip. Much to Harry's relief, Hermione elbowed Ron even harder this time. "Ron!" she admonished. "I told you to turn around to give them some privacy, but do you listen? You could be more supportive of Harry's decisions, now couldn't you? Now you went and ruined a nice moment between them!"

Draco had finally turned to Ron and was glaring daggers. "Anyway, Weasley, I was under the impression that we were already in a room, so there shouldn't be any problem with us kissing here."

"Look, I'm sorry, all right? Just let it go. Kiss, get it over with already!"

Draco scowled at Ron and much to Harry's disappointment, got up and sat on the bed. "If you don't mind my asking," Hermione asked quietly. "Did you two get back together tonight?"

Harry's mind went blank. They had certainly talked a lot, but there was more to be talked about. And he was not even sure if Draco wanted to get back together with him. The blond could have been just caught up in the moment and almost kissed Harry. Harry was not at all sure what Draco really wanted. He put his thoughts the best way he knew how to. "Er."

Draco smirked at Harry, his silver eyes shining at the Gryffindor. "No. We still have more to talk about. I just kind of got carried away there."

"Er - yeah. Well, you said that Dumbledore wanted you two to find us?" Harry asked, successfully changing the subject.

"Yeah." Hermione glanced at Ron who looked oddly sober suddenly. "Do you two know who Terry Boot is?"

"Sure," Draco replied. "He's Ravenclaw's seventh year prefect, right?"

Hermione nodded solemnly. "We've been asked to tell both of you that Terry Boot disappeared tonight... The same way that Neville did."