The Hogwarts Show!

THE HOGWARTS SHOW

Some Director Guy: 3...2...1 aaaand ACTION!

Dumbledore: Hello, and welcome to the Hogwarts show. I'm your host, Professor Dumbledore...*some audience member raises their hand* Yes?

Some Audience Member #1: What is this show about?

Dumbledore: It is a talk show, reality show, and game show. Basically it's entertainment. So pipe down!

Some Audience Member #1: Yes, thank you, sir...

Dumbledore: Today we'll have a challenge between three Slytherins and three Gryffindors. Any suggestions for a challenge?

Some Audience Member #2: How about they...go into the Chamber of Secrets, the pipe disappears--but there's a hole going into the bathroom--and they have to use their surroundings to find away to climb up and get out?

Dumbledore: Yes, yes, a mix of intellect and physical strength. Thank you. So that is our challenge. Let's meet our vict--I mean, contestants from Slytherin. Draco Malfoy, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle!

Audience: *dully* Hurray.

Dumbledore: How do you feel about this challenge?

Draco: I'm gonna mess up my hair.

Crabbe: Duh...

Goyle: Four?

Dumbledore: You won't survive a second. At least, not with Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle, Mr. Malfoy.

Draco: They're strong.

Dumbledore: Uh-huh. Anyway, from Gryffindor, we have...Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, and Ron Weasley!

Audience: HURRAY!! PAR-TAY! *start dancing*

Dumbledore: How do you feel about this challenge?

Hermione: I'msureit'llbefunandnotthathardImeanhowhardcanachallengebe? We'vefacedalotbeforeespeciallyHarrysoit'llbequiteeasyIhope.

Harry: It'll be okay. Hermione's smart, Ron and I can build (I've snuck Lego's from Dudley--don't tell the Dursley's.) So we'll be fine.

Ron: I'm sure we can do it.

Dumbledore: Well, we hope you can! The winning team gets a life-time pass to Hogsmeade and 500 points to their House! Let's meet our reporter, who will be telling us what's going on down in the Chamber of Secrets! Everyone, meet eleven-year-old Tori Brown!

Tori: Hello! If the contestants will follow me, please, to the Chamber.

_~^*^~_

Tori: Hello, everyone, here we are in the Chamber of Secrets with our contestants. They've already started and it looks like Gryffindor's team is in the league, building like crazy out of SALAZAR SLYTHERIN'S STATUE?! Wow, they are really using their reasources. In this challenge, wands are only used to cut things down and stick pieces together.

Hermione: Got the statue? Good. Miss Tori ma'am, may we use a levitating charm? This'll crush us flat.

Tori: Okay, then!

Harry: Wingardium Leviosa!

Hermione: It's not tall enough! The pillars! Knock down the pillars!

Ron: Yes, that brilliant! Don't forget the Sticking Charm. Gumio!

Tori: Everyone's working hard. The other team can't climb up their opposing team's escape route, or they're disqualified. The Slytherins are sticking and hardening the animal bones.

Crabbe: And the hip bone's connected to the--knee cap! And the knee cap's connected to the, tibia!

Tori: What a marvelous day! Crabbe actually remembered the scientific name for one of our leg bones!

*Some twelve hours later*

Tori: The Gryffindors have started climbing! Go, go, go!!

Draco: Hurry up! We've still got 1, 239, 937, 826 bones to connect and harden!

Tori: The Gryffindors are more than ¼ there! Go, go, Gryffindor! Go, go, Gryffindor!

Goyle: Duh, Draco, look! Those Grifin--Gry--non-Slyht--non-Sli--not us are almost half-way there!

Draco: Damn. Work, work, woooork!

Harry: Keep climbing!

Ron: Almost there!

Hermione: In your FACE, Malfoy!

Crabbe: Hello, Mr. Skelly Rat. Do you want to be my friend?

Tori: Pathetic. The only thing that'll be his friend are a bunch of animal bones. Look! Harry's out! Now Ron, and now...Hermione!! Gryffindor wins! Go, go, Gryffindor!

_~^*^~_

Dumbledore: Congratulations on a great performance. Here our you passes and 500 points to Gryffindor. Answer this following question, and you'll get an additional 500 points. Each group will have a chance. The Polyjuice Potion cannot be used for what?

Crabbe: Grapes?

Goyle: Crayons?

Draco: Idiots?

Dumbledore: No, I'm sorry. Good night, and thanks for playing. Hermione, Harry, Ron?

Ron: Um...we should know this.

Harry: Yeah we should. Hermione=cat, Hermione=cat...

Hermione: Animal transformations.

Dumbledore: Correct! Congratulations! Thank you for watching this week's episode of The Hogwarts Show. I'm Professor Dumbledore, and my brother can't read! Good night!

Audience: *cheers and claps*

Some Director Guy: And...cut! Where's my Expresso? Oh, here it is. Now, go practice your lines for next week.

Harry: Can't we use a teleprompter?

Some Director Guy: No, there's too much magic. Hey, are we still on screen? You dolt, shut it off!

Dumb Camera Dude: Oh, sorry, man.