In the Least Likely of Places

I got proof of my embarrassment when I tried to flee the country. I mean.. when I was leaving on my 'vacation'.

After I had cried for a good long time, I pulled myself together and tried to look at least a little happy. I didn't pull it off, but at least I tried. My eyes were swollen and red, my face was blotchy, and the little mascara I had put on in the morning was running. The truth? I looked like complete crap and if Harry had seen me that morning, I wouldn't have blamed him for dumping me.

So after I attempted to fix my face, which I also failed to do, I put everything in my car. Yes, it was a boring car too, just like everything else I owned. It was a tan Camry that was a few years old and not at all the kind of flashy car that I could afford. Just looking at it made me wince.

Okay, so after I loaded my car I went by the post office to drop off my letter to Melissa, after which, I drove to the airport.

Yes, the airport. I had decided not to go by an International Portkey because if I had, I would have had to go to an International Portkey Station. The Station, of course, would be filled with magical people, all of whom probably read the Daily Prophet this morning, meaning they all would have read about me being jilted by The-Boy-Who-Lied. So being my intelligent self, I decided to avoid all the whispers behind the hands and the blatantly curious looks by traveling the muggle way.

Before leaving, I had called my parents' travel agent and scheduled a first class seat on American Airlines to Washington D.C, America. I had to explain my intentions to the travel agent, who my parents told her much about me. She basically thought I was a boring workaholic, which I was, until now.

No, I didn't want a travel package since I wasn't staying in any certain hotel. No this wasn't a business trip either, this was for fun. Well I hoped it would turn out fun, but I didn't really have high hopes.

My plan was to take a nice long road trip to LA. I figured there was no better way to discover myself than being in a car with my own company for fun. Either I discovered myself or I drove myself crazy. If I managed to drive myself insane, it'd be a large improvement over how I was feeling right now.

So after I finished scheduling my flight, which would leave in two hours, I drove myself to the airport in London.

Airplanes. They take longer, they're loud, and they're full of muggles, but it wasn't as if I was Draco Malfoy, so I didn't have a problem with them. I actually happen to like traveling in airplanes. When I was still going to Hogwarts, over the vacations my parents would take me to places such as France and Austria by airplanes, and I always enjoyed the sensation of flying in a secure vehicle so unlike a broomstick. Really, I could never understand Harry and Ron's fascination with the things; they were dangerous and unreliable looking to me.

I know that most wizards and witches think that traveling through the sky in a great big metal machine shaped like a bird is abominable, but I've never been a regular witch. I've never been a regular anything. I've always been more of a boring everything. Boring car, boring clothes, boring personality, well I could go on forever, but I won't, because that would be boring, and of course I was trying to stop being boring and well... Okay I'm babbling. On with the story.

So I was at the airport and of course, with my atrocious luck, my flight had been delayed an hour. So I had nothing to do at the airport but wait and twiddle my thumbs for an hour. I hadn't even brought a book with me.

Well being the smart witch that I am, I walked over to the shops in the airport and began browsing. My luck made a 180 degree turn when I found...... an ice cream shop! And yes, they had Ben and Jerry's Phish Food! So of course I picked up a carton of that and a cheesy romance novel. Hey, if I couldn't have a happily ever after romance, I was determined to at least read about other people having them.

I brought my purchases back to my seat near the airplane entrance and sat down and prepared for a nice long reading and eating ice cream session.

Okay, so I knew that I shouldn't have eaten ice cream. As Harry already said to me before, I had plenty of love handles to hold onto. The bastard. I wasn't ever as rail thin as Ginny was, but instead I had a curvy body that I cursed daily. Boyish bodies were in, curvy womanly bodies were out. Unfortunately I was out, and Ginny was in. Harry that bastard, I think I could curse him until my dying day. But anyway.

So there I was enjoying my corny book and my fattening ice cream when the most HORRIBLE thing possible happened to me.

Harry ran up to me looking handsome and mussed and kneeled in front of me and proclaimed his undying love.

HA. HA. HA. That my friends, was an example of dry wit. Yeah, it wasn't funny, but you know what? I'm not really in a mood to be funny. I'm in a more sardonic mood because you know what? This one bastard who I could just.... Oops. I'm off on a tangent again.

Okay so the Harry thing was a joke. A very un-funny joke, albeit, but a joke nonetheless.

What actually happened to me was the next worst thing possible that shouldn't have happened to me since I was in a MUGGLE airport.

I was sitting there wallowing in self-pity and minding my own business when a high, screechy voice interrupts my spoon's journey to my mouth.

"HERMIONE?!"

I glanced furtively around and caught a glimpse of perky brown hair. I quickly looked into my depleted tub of ice cream and considered trying to drown myself in it. It would take a miracle but I was definitely willing to try.

"HERMIONE GRANGER?!"

'Yes, that's right', I thought sourly. 'Announce it to the whole damn world, why don't you.' I finally gave up on my notion of drowning myself in the ice cream since I had eaten most of it and there wasn't much left to drown in.

Instead, I looked up towards the heavens that were obscured by the terminal's roof, and prayed the ground would open up and swallow me and spare me from the embarrassment I knew was coming. It was a long shot, but if it could happen to Marie Sheffield, it could happen to me too.

"HERMIONE GRANGER, IS THAT YOU!? IT IS YOU!"

NOOOOOOOOOOO, I thought in anguish. I had been recognized! I was doomed! I was forsaken! I was cursed! I was ruined! I was... over-reacting....

I took a deep, fortifying breath and tried to gather all my Gryffindor courage. Gryffindor courage, I kept telling myself. When I felt the light tap on the shoulder, I pasted a huge, fake smile on my face and stiffened my Gryffindor backbone as I turned around.

"Lavender! How... erm... surprising to see you... here...!" I exclaimed as brightly as I could.

My old school-mate looked at my strangely. "Didn't you hear me calling you, Hermione?"

"Oh.. I.. uh... couldn't hear you..?" I scooped a big spoonful of ice-cream into my mouth to keep myself from talking, which was a big mistake because it was REALLY cold. I began making strange faces at Lavender as the ice cream froze the inside of my mouth. She began to look at me as if was demented.

"You couldn't..? Well that odd.. I thought I had been pretty loud..."

I gurgled slightly in response.

Lavender began to look at me with concern as well as if I was demented. I finally swallowed my ice cream; after all, I didn't want her to call the paramedics. I was going through an identity crisis but it wasn't as if I was demented. At least, I didn't think I was... but then again.. I couldn't be sure.

"Oh.. er was that you calling me? I thought perhaps someone else was calling... erm.. another Hermione.." I began to feel really stupid after that lame excuse. So to make up for it, I smiled widely. Maybe a bit too widely because she began to look at me suspiciously.

"Yes.. right.. of course.."

And to my complete horror her eyes flickered over me and right before she pulled her ingratiating shades over them, I saw a layer of disgust for my choice in clothing and my horrible appearance in general.

It infuriated me. I mean, wasn't it enough that I realized I had awful taste in clothing, but now she had to look down her enormous nose at me as if I was worth less than her! My hand clenched around my plastic spoon and my abnormal smile became more of a baring of teeth. I almost growled at her. But I managed to reign in my anger.

As I began to bring myself under control, I almost gasped in realization. I had felt a horrible amount of anger towards someone! I was making progress! I had felt intense anger before but only on behalf of others, not for myself! But I had just gotten violently angry at Lavender on my own behalf! I almost smiled normally.

"So.. what are you doing here Lavender?" I asked pleasantly. To my elation, I didn't have to fake it either because my mood was much improved by my discovery.

"I have a muggle cousin who is flying in today from Scotland. I'm here to pick her up." Then she slid in real casually, "And you? What are you doing here?"

Damn. She'd thrown a fast one at me and I hadn't ducked in time. Damn damn damn.

As I began to panic, my smile dimmed slightly at her sneaky question. I mean, how was I supposed to answer that? Lavender is dumb, but she's not a Hufflepuff by any means. The only person who I could fool would be Pansy Parkinson, but even that would take effort and Lavender is definitely no Pansy Parkinson. If she had already read the Daily Prophet today and if I told her I was going to America, she'd think I was running away, which I was, but I didn't want her to know. But then I'm a very bad liar so if I tried to lie, she would know that I was lying and if she already read the Daily Prophet she would jump to the conclusion that I was running away, which I was, but I STILL didn't want her to know.

Lavender shifted slightly and I saw the Daily Prophet, all rolled up and sticking out of her garish and over large handbag. I was doomed. I knew it. I had no options left but to be utterly embarrassed. She had already read the newspaper this morning and obviously knew about my predicament.

I was staring as if mesmerized at the Daily Prophet when she waved a hand in front of my face rudely.

"....Hermione....? Yoo hoo.. Hermione... you in there..?"

I started and glared at her. "I - I -" Merlin! She was making me stammer! "Um... I - I'm going.. I mean.. I'm taking.. erm.. I'm taking a short trip to.. America.."

Lavender gasped in delight and then tried to mask it as surprise. "No! Really?!"

"Er.. yes.. that's right.." I began to blush.

And the little bitch smiled so knowingly that I knew she was delighting in my embarrassment. She now had a confirmation that I was running away and the first chance she got she was going to spread it around. She'd be the toast of busybodies for a while since she'll have been the last person to talk to me before I left.

As if that wasn't enough for her, she had the nerve, the AUDACITY, to pat my clenched hand comfortingly and say, "It's quite all right, Hermione. I understand. I can't BELIEVE what Harry did, but I want you to know that I understand what you're going through."

I bared my teeth at her and didn't even try to make it resemble a smile.

"I'm sure you do." I growled. It took all my self-control to not rip my hand from hers and HIT her with it! After all, how could she possibly say she understood, when even I didn't even understand what I was going through! Especially since she knew that I knew that she was going to be the spreading word of my fleeing the country at the first chance she got and that it would be rotating the rumor mill for years to come! Because of her nosiness and spitefulness I would have to return to England with a new identity AND a new face, if I could come back at all! She had ruined my chances of leaving without too much embarrassment and she was positively reveling in the fact that she could tell everybody about this. I swear to Merlin she was glowing with an unholy light! I was dying with the urge to punch her so hard I put out her light.

But despite my very violent urges, I had enormous restraint, so I didn't end up hexing her into oblivion.

I calmly slid my hand out from beneath her and said coldly, "Look, Lavender, its nice of you to say you understand even though you're obviously lying between your teeth." I took a moment to savor her shocked expression before going on. "But you don't understand and you couldn't understand because your level of intelligence is extremely low. Not that I have anything against you for being dumb, after all, some are born smart and some are born not so smart, and you just fall into the latter category through no fault of your own." Lavender's jaw was inches from the ground. "But, I don't want to keep rambling so... go away.. I have a flight to take and you're beginning to annoy me."

And luckily, oh Merlin luckily, my flight number was called. So I picked up my carry-on bag and my tub of ice cream and started walking to the entrance. And right before I went through the door, I turned around, wiggled my fingers in an insulting imitation of a wave, and swept through the door.

I was grinning the entire way to the plane.

As I sat in my seat I took a moment to appreciate Lavender's stunned face. She hadn't expected such an attack from me, and her utterly surprised face cheered me up considerably.

Step 1 of the Create A New Hermione project had been completed. I had been utterly rude and I couldn't bring myself to care. But as I went over the conversation, I frowned somewhat sadly. If Lavender couldn't understand me, and I couldn't understand me, would there be anyone who could?

I could only hope that going on this trip would help me find who the real Hermione was supposed to be, because I honestly didn't know.

~*~

I jolted awake as the plane began descending for landing. The plane ride had been boring and monotonous, and since I hadn't brought any work with me, I had had nothing to do but read my cheesy romance novel.

During the part where the heroine risked her life to save the hero and almost died, I started to cry. I mean, after she saved him from certain death they had a very lusty reunion where he declared his everlasting love and in the epilogue they were married and had kids and were happy.

Magic was supposed to be a fairytale right? So since I've got magic, my life should be a fairytale too. But I've saved Harry's stupid hide more times than I can count on two hands but he's never declared his everlasting love for me. It wasn't fair. Why did the plain one in those romance novels ever get a happy ending? Why was it always the skinny, beautiful one with big blue eyes who got the hero?

Maybe I was cursed.

Hey, curses happen all the time. Maybe I was cursed with unattractiveness.

When I started to cry while reading my book the really quite handsome guy next to me gave me this weird look and started scooting closer to the window. That made me cry even harder as a realization came to me.

I didn't get the window seat.

I ALWAYS get the window seat. Maybe I really was cursed with unattractiveness as well as bad luck. So maybe not getting the window seat doesn't seem like a big deal now, but at the time I was distraught and everything was a big deal, so not getting the window seat was like a sign from God. I obviously wasn't destined to have what I wanted in life.

What did I want?

Just somebody who'd love plain, old Hermione. I mean really, is that so much to ask for? I just wanted someone who thought I was interesting, even though I'm not, who thought I was beautiful, even though I'm definitely not, and thought I was the greatest person in the world, even though I obviously am not. Maybe I just had too high standards. And I also definitely wanted the window seat.

So in my despair of my unfair life and windowless seat, I fell asleep and slept the rest of the eight hours to America.

When I woke up, I could look over my neighbor's shoulder and catch my first glimpse of America. My eyes almost popped out.

Washington D.C. was.... Fast. That's the only word I can come up with to describe it. As we went lower, the cars were zipping along at an incredibly fast rate and as we descended even lower the people seemed to be moving along almost as quickly as the cars! It was an amazing site. The buildings looked old and grand, and Merlin! They were large!

At any other time in my life I would have traveled to Washington D.C. for a learning experience, but since I planned on driving straight across America, I had no time to spend in D.C. going to museums.

So after taking a glance out the window I went to the bathroom and did a variety of makeup spells that I was now coherent enough to do. I fixed my hair somewhat, wiped off smudges of extremely old mascara, and iced my puffy eyes down. I also did an anti wrinkle spell for my ugly blouse and that helped it, slightly.

As I sat back down in my seat, looking marginally better I began to feel a prickling sensation on the back of my neck 15 minutes later after I took my carry on bag out of the bin to get some muggle makeup. I turned my head and my gaze immediately caught onto the gaze of the man sitting next to me, who before hadn't payed much attention to me.

"Er.. Hello.." I stammered. We hadn't talked to each other the entire time, but now all of a sudden he was staring.

His voice was deep and as smooth as syrup. "Hi. I didn't catch your name." My surprised eyes flew to his hand, which he held out. I took it tentatively. To my great surprise, instead of shaking it like I expected him to do, he brought it up to his mouth and brushed a kiss lightly over it. To my great horror, my palms began to sweat.

"Her-Hermione. Hermione Granger." I squeaked. Holy cricket, I thought. The man was hitting on me!

"You have a very nice name, Hermione." He said still not releasing my sweaty hand. I blushed and took back my hand, which I discreetly wiped onto my jeans.

"Oh.. Erm.. thanks.. uh.. Who're you?" I almost winced as soon as that came out. Who're you? Could I have sounded any ruder?

To my relief, instead of getting offended at my direct question he chuckled, "Zachary Casto the Third. My family owns Casto Industries, the shipping business."

Casto Industries? I never heard of it before. "Oh.. I see.. Yes.. I've heard of Casto Industries. Quite a successful business." So it was a little white lie. Who cares? The man was hitting on me and I was definitely not going to be uncooperative.

He laughed modestly. "Well this makes it so much easier."

Easier, this makes what easier?

"You see, we plan on opening a headquarters in London and I noticed that your carry on bag happened to say 'God bless the Queen.'" He smiled charmingly. "So I was wondering if I could pick you're brain about some prospective places to open at in London and a little about the people there. I know I had just traveled there, but well.. I met this woman.. she kept me quite distracted..." He winked flirtatiously.

I sat there and gaped at him. Disappointment speared through me. He hadn't wanted to get my phone number after all. He wanted to pick my brain. That didn't sound very loverlike. He already HAD a woman in London. NO doubt she was rail thin with red hair and freckles. Men. I hated the lot.

"Ohh.. erm.." No wonder he hadn't minded my sweaty hand. "Yes well.. I'm sure that-" The intercom which I had been ignoring the entire time came on.

"Please be careful while collecting your bag from the over-head bin. Have a nice trip in America." The plane had landed? I hadn't even noticed.

So I had been saved by the intercom before I got the chance to tell Mr. Zachary bloody Casto where he could shove it. I quickly unbelted myself and scrambled up to get my carry on. The damn man who was too handsome for his own good, flowed up and gracefully extended his hand, which was holding a crème colored card.

"I'd appreciate if you'd give me a call sometime, Hermione. It was nice meeting you."

"Hmm.. Yes, I'll try." I murmured noncommittally as I moved hastily down the aisle. Merlin, I had never been so embarrassed in my life. I had actually thought he was hitting on me! At least I hadn't twittered or anything.

Men, why must they always be planting the wrong ideas in a woman's head? Or more specifically, my head? First, Harry makes me think he ACTUALLY wants to marry me, what a laugh. Then Ron makes me think he's actually my best friend, what another laugh. And now this Casto man makes me think he was hitting on me! Do men in America who just want to pick a woman's brain, kiss said woman's hand? I sincerely hoped not. The next man who kissed my hand was getting his lips sewn together. That was a promise.

I hurried to the baggage terminal where I proceeded to shoot hostile glares at any hapless man to catch my gaze. After I collected my bags, I went to the front desk of the airport and began looking for a rental car. I had to find an agency that rented cars here in D.C. and also had a place in Los Angeles where I could drop off the car once I met up with Melanie. After 10 minutes of asking around I came to a desk manned by Auto Rental Plus.

As I came up to the desk, the dark brown-haired woman looked me up and down and sneered. I almost took a step back in shock. I hadn't done anything to her so why the bloody hell was she sneering at me?

"Hello." I said stiffly.

"Yes, what can I do for you?" The woman drawled.

"I'd like to rent a car." I wished I could look down my nose at her but she towered over me by at least five inches. Being only 5'5 was a distinct disadvantage when the woman looking down at you was 5'10 plus heels.

"Honey, that would be why you're here." She said condescendingly.

I darted a glance at her nametag. "Alicia, I don't see what I've done to so offend you so if you could please drop the act and do you're job, that'd be greatly appreciated." I said in my snottiest voice.

Alicia looked at me with surprise. Apparently she hadn't guessed me for the assertive type, and I myself was surprised. I didn't even know I had such a snotty voice. "Yes, Ms.."

"Granger, Hermione Granger."

The woman cleared her throat, "What kind of car would you like to rent Ms. Granger? We have newest models of Toyota, Hondas, SUV's. I'm sure you're taste runs towards the more sedate cars." A bit of sarcasm leaked into her voice. "How about a nice, SAFE Camry? Tan?"

I gaped at her. Did I truly look that boring? Sedate? And most mortifying of all she had named a car she thought boring and it was the car that I currently owned! Good God, how utterly mortifying.

"Erm.." I coughed. "I don't think..." I paused as I watched her smirk at me. Where had I seen that smirk before?

I straightened my back and said in my calmest voice. "Actually I think I'll for the sports cars. Are there any you recommend?"

"Yes, well..." She eyed my battered, old clothes that had wrinkles in the wrinkles. "Are you sure... we don't have any used ones..."

I smiled knowingly. "I can assure you, Alicia, that money is no problem."

She sniffed. "Then I suggest you go for the Porsche Boxter Convertible. It's $1674.00 per week plus tax and distance as well as damage fees. How long will you be renting?"

I didn't even flinch. "A month."

"To where?"

"I'll be driving to Los Angeles."

She smiled smugly. "The distance plus all the fees I mentioned will cost you around 11 thousand dollars. Perhaps you'd like something else?"

My only answer was to slide my ATM card across the desk. "Do you have the car in blue?"

The brown-haired woman eyed me suspiciously. "We'll see." She slid my card into the scanner and her eyes widened when the card went through. She finished the transaction and handed me my receipt. "If you'll please wait over there." She indicated the sitting area where numerous others were sitting. "Someone will be driving your car over shortly." Alicia grimaced. "Have a nice day."

I smiled happily and put my card and receipt back in my wallet without looking at it, "I'm sure I will. Thank you ever so much, Alicia, for you're WONDERFUL help."

I sat down and 10 minutes later found myself standing over a beautiful, deep blue car. The driver smiled at me.

I looked at him questioningly. "How will you get back?"

He grinned. "We have a shuttle that we use."

I grinned back. "I see. Thank you for driving the car over so quickly. I got to get away from that Alicia woman faster all because of you."

"Yup, Alicia's a bitch all right. When she called in the order she was complaining about some snooty Brit, but you seem all right to me."

"Thank you." I winked. "I couldn't agree with you more." I then tipped him heavily and got into the car. He had already put my bags in and I was ready to go. I turned the engine on and it began to purr. I zipped out of the airport and drove Southwest. I was on my way. Today I had been rude, polite, and funny, and maybe I had flirted a little bit. Mission accomplished. I was even almost over my embarrassment with that Zachary Casto man.

I was driving into the sunset and I was well onto my way of finding out who I was and who I wanted to be.

What could possibly mar my day?