If Love is a Game...

Chapter Thirty-Six

Burn, Baby, Burn

Krystyna lie in her bed, staring at the ceiling, not thinking anything at the moment. She then interrupted her non-thinking phase to briefly wonder when she had taken up the habit of staring at the ceiling while lying on her bed every day at this exact time. It was only after another few minutes did she realize that she would probably never know the exact day. After all, she'd been doing this for a while now.

You could say that after a month of being in the same position she had been a month ago, you would get over it and move on. That was not so for Krystyna. She wasn't a dweller--she didn't dwell on things--but it was a constant thing surrounding her. Being miserable was like breathing to her; she had no choice but to do it--she had no choice but to be miserable. Even after a month of being separated from Sirius she could not forget how much she loved him.

She rolled onto her side silently and began to stare out of the window at the darkening sky. She always related herself to the sky, now especially at twilight. Her life was slowly growing dimmer by the day and she was beginning to think that she might lose the ability to laugh. She hadn't laughed for... thirty-two days, was it? She didn't quite know. She didn't know much of anything nowadays.

Krystyna always found it mildly interesting that James could come up with so many different snide comments each day, every single one of them unlike the other. It was more like a cold interest to her though, if that made any sense at all. She realized that she wasn't making much sense either at the present time. She was, as Krystyna liked to call it, starting to pull a "Lorena". She thought she might snort at what she had just thought, but then remembered that it wasn't worth it.

She hadn't heard from her family for a month now. She supposed that was a good thing. She guessed that they knew she was living a terrible time here at Hogwarts and might be all smug about it. She wondered what Catherine, Samuel's pregnant wife, might be thinking now if she knew. In a way, Krystyna always felt sorry that such a lovely woman had married her older brother--she probably didn't know the real him because she was too nice.

Krystyna speculated on how many "Hate Lists" she was on at the moment. She was sure that she was probably on almost every girls' list, except Lorena and maybe the First and Second Years. She knew that she was on James's for sure. Lorena constantly told her that James was just a prat by nature and that she wasn't on Sirius's. She wondered if Lorena was telling the truth or not. Maybe she thought that she couldn't handle the truth. Well, she had news for Lorena; nothing could hurt her in these days now. She didn't know how numb she could feel when she was in such desolation.

Lorena had stayed true to her word. She was a truthful liar--such an oxymoron. She had stayed her friend through thick and thin; she had stopped James from doing his worse--and they somehow managed to stay good friends--to her; she talked Sirius out of saying anything really cruel; and she was just there. She was still close to Remus and she continued to parade hints everywhere. She had been beginning to wonder if they were just idiots or what. Krystyna at least still had somebody to talk to.

Lorena had been acting... very differently, though Krystyna could not quite remember what her "normal" was exactly. Krystyna remembered a moment when Lucius Malfoy had passed them with a leer on his face and said something to her and then a window suddenly shattered. Lorena turned scarlet--whether from embarrassment or anger, she didn't know--and then took off quickly. Krystyna had surmised that she had lost control of her temper in a subtle way and her emotions got the best of her magic.

James had taken to be the new "Lucius Malfoy" of Gryffindor to her. He was cold and full of malice. But as dreadful as it was when he started saying all those mean things to her, she couldn't help but feel that he was right. Lily was looking very torn. She wanted to help and talk to Krystyna, but she didn't think that she would allow it. She was just lost in what had happened. She wanted her best friend back.

Remus--well, she didn't quite know about him. He was usually thinking or talking to his friends or to Lorena. He was usually looking worried about Lorena, as she was getting more reclusive every day that passed. Krystyna wanted to ask her about it, but she didn't really know how to. She seemed to have lost the ability to communicate well.

Peter--she could tell easily--was puzzled by the entire situation. He was not a boy that you would give a huge, intricate problem to solve. He liked easy puzzles. Without Sirius, James, and Remus to help him, he was at a loss, but with this, they were also at a loss.

Sara was tired; she was tired of all of the havoc this mess had caused on the entire school. She was tired of James acting like a git--of Sirius walking around like he had no place to go or screaming for no reason at all--of Lily looking so desperately worried--of Remus trying to figure everything out of his own--of Peter being befuddled by it all--of Lorena looking desolate or furious or empty--of Krystyna looking dejected or like a lost child--of herself being tired of everything--just everything. She was exhausted with being fed up.

Krystyna was also exhausted. She also seemed to have lost the ability to sleep. Even though she was more lethargic than ever, she couldn't sleep. There were too many things on her mind. There had only been one thing on her mind during the day--school and work. She supposed that it helped her stay busy and not think about how she hated her life. After all, that did get boring after thinking about it a lot.

She closed her eyes, but immediately saw flashes of every face that she had hurt. She saw how rejected Sirius looked still--how empty Lorena looked--how worn-out Sara looked--how torn in the middle Lily looked--how angry James looked--how brooding Remus looked--how confused Peter looked--how cheerful and sneering Lucius looked--how so very disappointed Andrew looked--

Krystyna suddenly opened her eyes at that last face. Andrew, her brother, was disappointed with her, you could say. He thought she was different than the rest of their family. He thought she was good. Well, she just tarnished those expectations. She supposed he felt quite alone now. He still had friends; maybe a few had questioned his loyalty to them after what she had "done", but that was all. He had looked up to her and basically, he now thought that she had looked down at him. He didn't know. He didn't know that his own parents--and older siblings--had forced her to do this. He thought it was just her fault. He thought she was a backstabbing cheater, who was no good. He thought she was more like a Slytherin--more like a Melanie.

She clenched her fists so tightly that her nails pierced her skin. But pain was nothing knew to her, she supposed. After all, it was only physical pain and the cuts would heal. She figured that after being in so much emotional pain--that's cuts would never heal--she could deal with physical pain easily. She had to admit; she was right.

She sat up straight abruptly. She had homework to do and she couldn't waste her time thinking on things that would never come true. She would never be happy again. What was she thinking? She must be out of her own mind. She grabbed her Defense Against the Dark Arts book and began to read before starting her essay.

'Page 140: All there is to Know about Dementors-Dementors are the foulest of creatures that are in the Wizarding community...'

Hm, sounds like my family, Krystyna thought serenely, looking at an illustration of a Dementor in her book. Maybe they're a bunch of Dementors in disguise.

'Dementors are commonly used to guard Azkaban, the Wizard prison that stands on a lone rocky island, which no one has escaped from. They are usually positioned outside of the prisoner's cells or bring in a prisoner when they are to be questioned...'

Sounds like my parents have been getting lessons from Dementors, Krystyna thought calmly. They guard the house and I'd say it's an Azkaban all on its own. I haven't been able to escape it.

'When near a Dementor, a wizard/witch is drained of their magical powers and is therefore lowered to a weakened state so that they cannot fight against the Dementor. The only way to protect yourself against a Dementor is if you are to conjure a Corporal Patronus, in which the Patronus will take a bodily figure that ranges with the castor of the Patronus Charm...'

Ah, yes, I have been drained of my ability to fight against them now, Krystyna thought evenly. But what they need is a good hex and punch to the face.

'Dementors feed on the happiness of people; they literally suck the cheerfulness out of you, which, in cause, leaves you with nothing but the painful memories of your past. You are left to drown in your darkest and most terrifying memories. That is why most prisoners in Azkaban go crazy...'

Wow, I think my parents are Dementors, after all! I mean, they've sucked all of the happiness out of me and have made me a very sullen and miserable girl. I'll probably go crazy too, Krystyna mused in her mind as she flipped the page languidly with her wand and then returned it back to page 140. I thought I was going to write an essay on Dementors and it turns out to be my family. Oh, the incongruous of it all.

Krystyna continued to read more, bored stiff.

88

Andrew Melanie figured that it was a disease. Yes, there was a disease that was passed down from generation to generation in the Melanie family. That's why all people born to the Melanie family were evil and just plain dumb.

He glared at some pumpkin pie while sitting at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall four days later at dinner. MD--a.k.a. the "Melanie Disorder"--didn't really affect people until they were about seventeen, he supposed. After all, that's when Krystyna started dating Sirius Black after hating him for six years. And that's when she... um... she did that "thing".

It was the only reasonable explanation for all this madness at Hogwarts this year. And since he was still normal, he supposed that it didn't affect you until you were seventeen. He hoped against hope that he had dodged the disorder and was still going to live a normal life. Maybe he'd been adopted. He thought that he might be the only kid in the world who hoped to have been adopted.

But something didn't add up to Andrew. That... wasn't his sister. No, this new, despondent, dejected looking girl couldn't possibly be his big sister, Krystyna. She was strong--always--she was brilliant--all of the time--she was pretty--he had to admit it--she was good--never bad. This couldn't be his sister. His Quidditch loving sister wasn't here anymore. She was gone--missing--and he felt like it was his duty to find her again.

But he didn't want to talk to this "new" girl. He didn't want to look at her, in all honesty. He didn't want to think about her. His sister wouldn't have done such a terrible thing to Sirius. His sister wouldn't just ignore the people who used to be her best friends. His big sister wouldn't be looking like this.

His sister was such a kind and sweet girl and he knew she cared about Sirius a lot. His sister was almost inseparable from her best friends--ignoring their parents' demands to ditch them for six years straight. His big sister always looked brave, courageous, and bright; no matter how dark the situation was. This just wasn't Krystyna at all. That just wasn't her.

Then, there was that little voice in the back of his head, telling him things that he had believed to just be dreams. It was a dream; he had been sleeping. He woke up in his bed that morning. But it just kept reminding him: Samuel said something about February Sixteenth.

And that's when this all started. It spread throughout the school February Seventeenth, but it happened the night before. Then, he'd start to think. Samuel most definitely had MD. He probably had it almost just as bad as their father and mother--Marlena wasn't that bad. And his father had been in the Study too that night...

But it was just a dream, Andrew reasoned in his mind.

Then maybe you're beginning to become a Seer, the voice--he'd labeled it "Doubt (or his conscience)--said sarcastically. You begin to doubt in your sanity when your conscience is angry with you. He scratched his head bemusedly. Your father and Samuel have done something. You remember how teed off Krystyna looked when she stormed out of that room. They told her something--

"They threatened her?" Andrew muttered to himself out loud, still glaring at the pumpkin pie. "But how could they do that? What did they threaten her with?"

"Um... Andrew, what are you talking about and who are you talking to?" one of his friends asked, bringing him out of his thoughts abruptly. He suddenly realized that he had started talking out loud to himself again--a habit he had acquired as of two weeks ago.

"No one, Dan," Andrew replied thickly, looking embarrassed. His friend, Dan, shook his head at him and continued to eat his dessert. Andrew wasn't feeling hungry anymore. He decided to glower at some peach cobbler next.

Bloody conscience... I don't know how something that supposed to tell me how to differ between right and wrong gets me in trouble all of the time, Andrew thought sourly. But then, it decided to come haunt him one last time tonight to try to get the point across with him.

She's being blackmailed or threatened and that's why this is happening, his conscience told him.

Andrew rolled his eyes and took a sip of his pumpkin juice. It didn't taste that well anymore and he briefly wondered if that was a sign that he was getting MD. He sat the goblet down and frowned when he saw a certain blond haired git from Slytherin stand up to leave.

No one in their right minds would kiss him on purpose, knowing full well that they'd ruin their life. Krystyna would never throw her life away for that idiot. She's not like that, Andrew thought while he saw his sister just playing with her food on her plate and her friend, Lorena, reprimanding her. This isn't right. I have got to tell someone. But who? Maybe that Lorena girl knows something since she's still being nice to Krystyna. But then again, she is Malfoy's cousin, after all. Should I talk to her? I can't tell Dumbledore... or can I?

88

Lily sat on the couch in the Head Boy and Girl's common room. With her legs curled up underneath her and a blanket over her, she was contently reading a Muggle novel with just the firelight. Or so she wished to be. To be frank, Lily was not content at all--she was unhappy, to say the least. She remembered all of those nights she had stayed up late, just talking to Krystyna about pointless things.

She sighed and closed up the book in her hands. She couldn't read right now. She just couldn't read tonight. She sat it down on the ground and laid her head onto her arms on the armrest, gazing into the fire. She couldn't read right now because she had too many things on her mind. As of late, she had not been having the best concentration, which was starting to irritate her. She always had concentration; no matter what. So why was she beginning to lose it now?

Lily usually found out that she could place the blame on Krystyna for this. Not an angry blame; just an irritated blame. She usually popped up in Lily's mind when she was trying to think about something because hard thinking kept reminding her that she still couldn't figure out what had happened between them yet. It was frustrating.

They had been best friends through thick and thin. They had gone through similar problems with boys because of James and Sirius. They both had a fascination with learning and they had just stuck together like glue in their First Year. A memory in her Third Year was very fresh still.

88

It was late at night. It was probably around one in the morning. They had classes tomorrow and Lily knew that she should be sleeping right now, but she couldn't. After all, thirteen year-old girls have a lot of things on their minds. And right now, her mind was tossing and turning just like what Lorena was doing in her bed--except maybe a little less noisy.

"Lily? Lily?! Are you asleep?"

Oh, so she wasn't alone in the escapade to fall asleep before the sun rises. She rolled to her other side to see Krystyna sitting upright in her bed, squinting at her in the dark, the quarter moon reflecting off of her dark eyes.

"Yeah, I'm still awake," she answered quietly. She sat up too and didn't need to rub her eyes. It was odd to find that she wasn't tired a bit. She supposed that your regular sleep schedule changes when you turn into a teenager. "What's up?"

"I've been doing some thinking," Krystyna whispered uneasily.

"About what?" Lily asked hastily, anxious to quickly find out what had kept her awake all this time. She certainly knew why she was still awake.

"Well, something happened in Ancient Runes today and it was so embarrassing," Krystyna muttered softly, shaking her head. "I think I know why we Gryffindors are so courageous; we're bold enough to turn into stranger scarlet colors than normal."

Lily snorted, but covered her mouth quickly so that it was muffled and wouldn't wake anyone up. She sat her hand down, an enthusiastic grin on her face. "What happened?" she questioned eagerly.

"Promise you won't laugh?" Krystyna replied uneasily. She nodded her head almost automatically. Her friend took a deep breath and sighed. "Black gave me a rose and then began to sing to me."

Lily couldn't help herself. She burst into thirteen year-old girlish giggles and fell backwards on her bed, stuffing her pillow over her face so it would muffle her laughter and not awake anybody. Krystyna frowned at her and her brow furrowed.

"You promised me you wouldn't laugh!" she hissed, embarrassed once again. Lily just continued to laugh and roll on her bed cheerfully. Now she would never get to sleep.

88

Lily smiled at the memory. They had always talked at odd hours while sitting in their beds. Usually, they just landed up getting less sleep than if they would have been silent. But it had still been great fun and good "girl bondage" time, Lily reckoned. She sighed and then frowned.

She heard the door swing open and then heard James stumble in sounding like a heard of elephants. Honestly, she didn't know how much noise one boy could possibly make. He collapsed onto the couch next to her in his Quidditch uniform, not faking exhaustion. She looked over at him with a light smile.

"How did Quidditch practice go?" Lily asked him serenely.

"Ugh, horrible, Melanie showed up still," James groaned, rubbing his shoulder. Lily frowned at him and he heaved a great big groan. "And Sloper accidentally hit me with his club." He peered out at her with one of his eyes when she did nothing. She rolled her eyes at him.

"Oh, alright, just sit down on the floor right here," Lily sighed. He grinned and hopped on the floor as she had commanded while she began to massage his shoulders. A huge lopsided grin spread across his face with a sigh of relief. "I'll take that as a thank you and you're welcome."

They were silent with each other for a minute until James broke it again. "Why do you suppose Lorena still sticks up for Melanie and hangs out with her a bit?" he blurted out softly. It was rather odd hearing him speak that lightly of Krystyna so she paid him attention. "I mean, she's the only reason Melanie is still on the Quidditch team because she won't let her resign."

Lily thought about this for what seemed like the millionth time--and most likely was. When she came up with something, she looked down at him from the fire. "James, think about this. Imagine Krystyna and Sirius were still happily dating, okay?" she said tranquilly. He nodded his head. "Imagine you have a cousin in Slytherin that you despise." He nodded his head. "Now imagine that she caught him snogging that cousin of yours one night. What would you do?"

"Well, I would stick beside him!" James exclaimed without a hint of doubt. "Sirius is like my twin brother! It'd be wrong to just abandon him!"

"But imagine that he hurt Krystyna beyond all belief and she was just torn up--like she is now--and he stopped talking to the rest of us," Lily reasoned quickly. "What would you do?"

"I would... well... I would... Alright, so I don't know what I would do," James replied in frustration, "but this is Malfoy we're talking about! He's different than if that happened!"

"No, he's no different than if it were the other way around," Lily told him firmly. "Lorena may feel that it is her... duty to keep Krystyna still--I wouldn't call it cheerful--on the bright side, if just a speck. It was her cousin and she may feel that it is her fault. I'm not sure and I probably never will be. I'm not able to delve into the mind of Lorena and I don't think anyone will be."

"Maybe she's told Remus something?" James pointed out rather hopefully. "I mean, they're practically joined at the hip nowadays."

Lily shrugged her shoulders and paused for a second. "I don't know," she sighed regretfully. "I wish I did, but I don't. Something... just doesn't feel right."

"I know what you mean," James mumbled moodily. She sighed and started back up, as he was beginning to rub his shoulder impatiently again. Boys--can't live with them, wish you could live without them, Lily mused.

88

Lucius Malfoy lounged on the couch in the Slytherin common room, a smirk spread across his face with his eyes closed. Life was going great for him. He was a Pure Blood, rich, smart, and had Krystyna. Sure, she hadn't warmed up to him like some had wished, but it didn't matter. What did matter was that Sirius Black didn't have her anymore and he could tell that the Gryffindor was tearing himself apart.

There was just one blemish in his perfect life: Lorena. He knew that even if Krystyna warmed up to him, she never would. He frowned, his eyes still closed. How someone of his own blood could hate him was beyond his belief. To think, they had been best friends before their First Year. She had withdrawn from him and became cold to the rest of the world. Now, she had become an angry person. And he knew that she knew what was happening. He didn't know how she found out, but she did.

He'd try to talk to Krystyna, who would ignore him blankly, and then Lorena would come along and snap at him--maybe even hex him if she felt like it. He could see it in her eyes. So, in some way, his family got him the girl of his dreams and also got him a nemesis of his own family. He never knew what to do with the girl. He knew that the Fawcett's, her parents, were not happy with her. He'd see her review over letters she'd gotten from her parents in the morning at the Gryffindor table, then she would walk outside with them, and light them up, dropping them to the ground and watching them burn to ashes. She'd walk away like nothing had happened.

Lucius opened his eyes and looked around the common room. Bellatrix was telling Nott something and he was nodding his head quickly. That was normal. She had a huge sadistic grin on her face; she either had something planned to do or was telling him what she had done. Nate Zambini was biting his quill, looking at an essay he was writing, only to realize that his mouth was now full of ink. That was usual. Narcissa Black was looking frantic, chewing on her nails, tears in her eyes. Nowadays, that was normal. He still didn't know why she was always sniveling. Crabbe and Goyle were... staring at their books, perhaps? He wasn't sure if they could read or not. It was until his Second Year had he learned that they could actually talk and not only grunt; he had been clearly astonished.

"L-Lucius...?"

Lucius looked over to his left to see a cowering, sickly looking Regulus Black standing there, looking as if he had just swallowed a few flobberworms. He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, Regulus, what is it?" Lucius drawled aloofly. He looked nervous, but then again, he always looked uneasy when around older students and such prominent ones as him.

"It's something about m-my brother..." Regulus looked down at his shoes quickly while Lucius wondered why he always sounding like he was trailing off. But, as much as an idiot he was, Regulus did give him good information about Sirius Black.

"What is it?" Lucius repeated, sounding unconcernedly. The younger boy bit his lip and didn't bother to look back up at him. He rubbed his foot in circles on the carpet.

"He's not angry anymore," Regulus muttered under his breath. "He's just frustrated. I heard him talking to Lupin a few minutes ago. It sounded as though she is still not talking to him, but he is not angry with her anymore. I think he might have accepted it. I think he's still mad at you though."

"Bah, it doesn't matter anymore," Lucius shrugged off. He waved his hand in the air dismissively. "Now, if that is all you have for me, you can leave--"

"No, I have one more thing!" Regulus said in a high-pitched tone. Lucius raised his eyebrow again and saw that the boy was looking at him this time. "Your cousin, she--"

"Lorena?" Lucius interrupted quickly. He hesitated and then nodded his head.

"Yes, s-she's looking for you. I think she might be fed up," Regulus told him hastily. "And she doesn't look like she's in a happy or tired mood. She's really snappish. She grabbed me by my collar and questioned me for where you were?"

"And you said...?"

"I said that I didn't know and she told me to go find you or she'd... do something really nasty to me," he explained lowly, paling and looking back down at the floor. Lucius thought about this and then waved him off. Regulus gladly scampered away. He sank in the couch. So Lorena was looking for him--probably to kill him or something, he supposed. Well, he just was going to stay in the safety of the Slytherin common room--that was for sure.

88

"Lorena, please tell me, what's wrong?" Remus asked for what could possibly be the ten millionth time in one month. She snapped out of her trance and looked over at him with those frighteningly empty grey eyes again. He sat his book and other things to the side and sat down beside her. "Don't you dare lie to me because I can see right through it."

He saw Lorena hesitate and then take a deep breath. Her head fell against his shoulder, her eyes closed again. She didn't stir and he wondered if she had fallen asleep. "If I can't lie, then I can't say," she replied vaguely. He raised his eyebrows. That was more of an answer than before. That was the truth. He sighed and put his arm around her.

"Why not?" Remus asked her. She looked up at him with tearful eyes.

"Listen; what I tell you cannot be repeated and if it doesn't make sense now, try to make sense of it later," Lorena whispered. She knew she should just close her mouth now. She had already said too much, but it was her fault. It was her family. She was going to fix this even if Krystyna hated her for not keeping her promise to stay silent about it. After all, she wouldn't tell everything.

"Alright," Remus muttered suspiciously, looking at her skeptically. Her eyes darted around the room to find that it was not as empty as she would like it to be. Therefore, she got to her feet and dragged him up to the boys' Seventh Year dormitory. Startled, he let her guide him there. Once they did, she locked it and put a Silencing Shield Charm on it. Nobody would be able to hear them talk. She sat down on the bed across from him--James's old bed. "What's all this about, Lorena?"

"Okay, I can't tell you everything exactly so listen very carefully and you can't tell anyone," Lorena told him seriously. He nodded his head slowly. She took a deep breath and prepared herself. "Krystyna had not been cheating on Sirius for a few weeks. It wasn't real. It's because of my uncle and cousin. This is not her fault. She has to get married to him this summer.

"There can only be one explanation for this and I'm not repeating it ever again. Why would Krystyna dash everything she has worked for in her life, her dreams, and her happiness away? Who did she care about the most before this happened? What happens if someone could get... injured fatally on--er--accident? Don't tell anyone I told you this. Krystyna would hurt me if she found out I was telling you this."

"Um... Lorena, none of this makes sense," Remus informed her, wondering if he might die from confusion one of these days. He scratched his head. She rolled her eyes and stood up quickly.

"That's the point; you have to piece it all together because I can't do it for you," Lorena said pensively, walking away and taking the Charm off of the room. A sudden clicking stopped her. They both looked at the window and saw a black owl.

She scowled and stalked back to the window. He raised his eyebrows interestedly. She took the letter from the owl and shooed it away. After scanning it, she glared at it and then crumple it up, walking away without another word. He followed her down the stairs and saw her toss it into the fire, watching it curl up and burn.

Remus sat down and put his head in his hands. Now he was even more confused than before. Even when he got information, he was still confused. He now felt like he had a huge puzzle with a few big pieces, but missing the most vital of smaller pieces to it. And it was like that.