In All the Thunder

Chapter Eighteen: A Reunion of Revelations

Lorena peered over the Muggle book Narcissa had given her a few weeks ago when there was a knock on her office door. She shot the clock on her wall a quick glance and saw that it was exactly 3:00 p.m.; she'd remembered that Remus liked to be on time, but this almost felt ridiculous after all these years. Instead, dread filled up Lorena. After ten years, she would finally see Remus Lupin again; ten years was far too long for her taste. But now, she was worried that maybe this wasn't such a good idea. She felt nauseous, which was not a very good sign. Maybe she should've just let the past be the past.

"Come in," Lorena called out, her firm voice never betraying her uneasiness. In the back of her mind, she reprimanded herself. What was she doing, sitting at the edge of her seat and biting at her nails and her decisions nervously? She shouldn't be so worried, she told herself; no, she shouldn't have let him in her office. She wanted to see him, but she was so scared. Why? He was an old friend--an old boyfriend that she was still head-over-heels for.

The doorknob began to twist. Lorena bolted out of her seat like she'd been electrocuted. Merlin, she'd missed him; and yet, sweet bloody hell, she didn't know if she could stop herself from kissing him and then yelling at him for screwing her up even more in the past. Of course, the most important, personal moment for her in years had to be when her "Let the past be the past" mantra began to fail her. She rounded the edge of her desk and calmly walked towards the door, resolute to keep a collected appearance and not completely go mad at the sight of him. Any moment now and Remus would be right in front of her.

Bloody hell, what am I supposed to do? Shake his hand? Hug him? Kiss him on the cheek? Lorena thought. Oh, why did I do this? What do I do? What did I ever do to deserve this kind of torture? Karma hates me.

The door finally opened and there in front of her was the Remus Lupin, still looking handsome yet older as that was what time happened to do to people. His brown hair was longer, and she saw that the werewolf in him was giving him specks of grey hair at a young age. He had bags under his eyes, looking tired - just like he did right after a full moon when they'd been teenagers - but there was a nervous smile on his face.

Lorena seriously considered fainting. There was only a second of awkward silence before Lorena's senses kicked in.

"Remus! It's so great to see you again!" Lorena greeted, throwing her arms around his neck. Yes, she picked the right choice, all right. She was an extrovert, which meant she could easily get away with throwing her arms around her ex-boyfriend; they had split on amicable terms - sort of, kind of, not really. He even hugged her back; she thought she might melt. Instead (and thankfully), she pulled away and smiled at him warmly. He closed the office door.

"Wow," was all Remus could say as he gawked at Lorena. He had missed her so much. Unlike her, he had heard a lot about Lorena. She was in the news a lot for a certain case or something to do with her singing talent. He knew she was very attractive, but he hadn't expected to get blown out of the water by her looking to be in her early twenties.

"I guess," Lorena replied, blushing faintly.

"You look...great." Remus turned red at this statement, but he maintained a straight face. She grinned at him and then fell back into her seat behind her desk. She then waved her wand around; another chair appeared in front of her desk. Remus smiled at her and sat down in the chair. It was comfortable.

"I try," Lorena laughed. The grin on her face only made her glow even more.

"So...how's life been treating you?" Remus asked somewhat awkwardly. Lorena knew that he'd feel awkward, although she felt the same way. He'd always been that way, especially when they were teenagers and first started hanging out. Now it felt the same way - with her rambunctious and him shy. She'd been afraid that he would have changed so much or that he would think she had changed too much. It felt nice to settle back into a comfortable state with an old friend - old boyfriend. She really had to stop thinking about that.

"You want to know if I'm dating or not, right?" Lorena replied, cutting straight to the point. Remus' smile turned into something close to a grin, telling her all she needed to know; it was a slight surprise that he hadn't blushed like a schoolboy (oh, it was cute), but she liked to see the grin on his face. She smiled back at him. Yes, he was still that Remus Lupin all right; and she was still that Lorena... Well, she wasn't a Fawcett, now, was she? "Well, if you read that article on me Rita Skeeter did two years ago-"

"I did," Remus cut in.

As much as she tried not to, Lorena blushed. He hadn't sounded angry or sad; he'd said it without any feeling in his voice whatsoever, which made her feel worse about it. That had always been a bad sign. She gulped and tried to retain her composure.

"Er... Well, it's not true, of course, but - uh - many people came to the conclusion that I was - um, you know, er... Oh, bloody hell to it all!" Lorena had turned pink, even though she'd practically trained herself to never blush. That just exasperated her even more. How was she supposed to tell the man that she still loved that she'd gone on dates with way too many other blokes whom she didn't even like? He looked a tad bit startled by her outburst, but he put on an emotionless façade quickly enough. "I should've strangled Riley when I had the chance. And Williams!" Williams had been her music manager before she'd left the business completely; she still cursed him under her breath from time to time again. "This is their entire bloody fault!"

"Riley... Is she that young woman sitting at her desk outside your office?" Remus asked curiously. Lorena nodded her head. "She's your secretary?"

"No - well, kind of, I just don't like that word - she's my assistant," Lorena answered. "Why do you ask?"

Remus squirmed in his seat and rubbed the back of his neck. He looked uncomfortable. "She asked me what I was doing Friday."

Lorena blushed furiously, not even attempting to stop herself. "Just ignore anything she says and stay far, far away from her!" she ordered in a strict voice. Riley had crossed the line on this one. Remus was Lorena's former long-term boyfriend, not her date for the week! She stopped herself. Maybe she should just let Riley do her own thing and then it wouldn't look so suspicious.

Eat a sock, Lorena, she told herself in her mind. You're supposed to be getting over him - not hoping that Riley sets you up with him! You're hopeless.

"Was she...?" Remus queried.

"No!" Lorena nearly shouted. Whether Remus thought Riley had been asking him out on a date or asking him out on a date for Lorena, she wasn't sure. He gave her a grin and she blushed again. She lowered herself in her seat and tried to look calm. It didn't work. "Oh, this is so bad. This is so Riley's and Williams's fault!"

"And why would that be?" Remus asked, grinning at her. He appeared to be enjoying her moment of self humiliation; it hadn't been very often that she'd blushed when he hadn't been, too. Normally, she'd be the one grinning and he the one flushing; the tables were turning now, she supposed. She glowered at him, which seemed to surprise him. This was not going according to plan, but since when did she ever have a plan to meet up with him again? She was supposed to be over him by now. Curse his stupid handsome looks and the wonderful person that was Remus John Lupin - he still drove her mad.

"Let's take a direct quote from Riley: 'You're like Quidditch to men! They can't take their eyes off you!' Can you believe her? Ever since, she has been trying to hook with up with the perfect man," Lorena explained in her most dry voice. She sulked in her seat.

The problem is that the perfect man is now sitting in front of me, looking amused that I'm having a hissy fit because blokes think my looks are decent, Lorena thought sourly. My life is a black hole - self-destructing. Merlin, Karma despises me more than I thought.

"Well," Remus said boldly, clearing his throat, "I think that would sum your outward appearance up quite nicely if I were a Quidditch fanatic."

"Um...thanks." Lorena blushed and so did he. Suddenly, her frustration and anger disappeared and was replaced by confusion and happiness. Had Remus just complimented her? Had he just hit on her? She tried not to dwell on those facts as she leaned back in. "Well, that pretty much sums up my life. I've been working non-stop forever."

"You're a workaholic." Remus snorted and shook his head at her. She smiled embarrassedly. "I never thought I'd see the day when that happened."

"What else am I supposed to do?" Lorena sighed, leaning back in her chair. She put her feet on top of her desk; he didn't look perturbed by it at all. In fact, he smiled. She was acting like herself around him, which he was glad for. "I mean, I'm not one for dating and I stopped singing a few years back. And, well, since Voldemort rose again, this place has been a bloody mad house."

"Ah, yes, him," Remus simply said, more sombre-sounding.

Lorena raised one eyebrow. "Yes, him," she replied slowly, not sure where he was going with this. He gave her an odd look. "Well, now that I've told you all about my boring life, let's hear about yours."

Remus looked away from her quickly, like he couldn't look her in the eyes or face her. He got to his feet and started walking around her office. Lorena raised her other eyebrow. He was...nervous? Embarrassed? She couldn't tell. He started fingering a few books that were on her bookcase. After a few more seconds, she came to the conclusion that he was determinedly not looking at her. She felt a little frustrated with him, but kept that to herself.

"Jobs here and there - had to move out of my old house to a little shack six years ago," Remus explained in a flippant voice. Her eyebrows fell, and she frowned. He had loved that old house a lot. It must have been hard on him; it had been close to Godric's Hollow. "Became the Defence Against the Dark Arts professor three years ago."

"Wicked," Lorena interjected, grinning. He turned his head around to look at her; he was also grinning weakly. "You remember when I always told you'd get that job one day. You loved that class, and I know you really enjoyed teaching."

"Mmhm, it was Harry's third year at Hogwarts," Remus said distantly, looking away from her again. Lorena stared at him for a few minutes. He had taught Harry, Lily's and James's son. She bit her lip, hard, and felt the usual guilt rise up inside her every time she thought of Harry. She should've been there for him all these years, but she had been too selfish - only thinking about herself and having her own pity parties while the boy had grown parentless with those Muggle pigs he had to call relatives. It sounded...pureblood of her to call them that, but out of all the times she'd met Petunia or Dursley, they hadn't been exactly nice to her either.

"Oh," was all Lorena could manage.

"It - it was hard at first, honestly, but after a while I got used to it," Remus said quietly. "He looks exactly like James - except with Lily's eyes and that scar."

"Yes, I saw him last year at the Wizengamot when Fudge tried to press charges against him," Lorena replied, trying to keep the awkward silences out of the conversation. Two should have plenty to talk about after not hearing from each other for eight years and not seeing each other for ten years. Now that she looked back on it, she wondered why they had had such a fall out. Things would have been so much better if they had stayed in contact.

"Harry is something we need to talk about," Remus blurted out, turning back around to face her.

"And Padfoot and Wormtail - yes, I read the letter, despite what you may think," Lorena added. He nodded his head and cast a Silencing Charm on the room. Although she never liked Silencing Charms and they made her nervous (she'd had many different bad experiences with the spell), she kept her mouth shut about it; this matter was personal, and she knew that other people would be attempting to eavesdrop. She'd gotten used to that around here, too. He then locked the door magically, which caused a twinge of uneasiness that was dropped before it could evolve. Lorena took her feet off of the desk. This must be something terribly important. She felt a nauseous wave overtake her.

'Krystyna was right.' That's what Remus had said in his letter.

Remus returned to his seat in front of her desk. He gave her a hard look that made Lorena feel like she was being read. She returned the look, feeling like she was being challenged to see whether she was strong enough to handle any new information. After gnawing on his bottom lip and bouncing his foot for a few second, he opened his mouth and then shut it again; he appeared unsure of what to say. Perhaps he needed a little coaxing to come out of his shell? After all, she remembered what he was like.

"Remus, something happened, I know that much," Lorena prompted in the silence. Remus opened his mouth to reply and then quickly closed it again, like a fish out of water floundered. He simply nodded his head. "Sirius was...telling the truth then?" Once again, Remus nodded his head. Lorena could feel emotions rising inside her, as she thought back to the day of his trial and recounted everything that had happened there; tears burned her eyes, but she batted them away like she'd done for the past seven years. "Remus, what happened? Does this have something to do with the attack in the Department of Mysteries last week?"

"Lorena," Remus began slowly, sounding betrayed, "when was the last time you saw Sirius?"

"When he was-"

Remus lifted a hand up that silenced Lorena very quickly. She slowly closed her mouth and gave him a hurt look; he'd never interrupted her before. He looked tired now. "Please stop it, Lorena," he said. "I know you're lying about that. The last time you saw Sirius was not when he was carted off to Azkaban. Neither was it mine."

Lorena bit her lip and looked away from him. She hadn't told anyone about this. How did he know?

"Lorena, when was the last time you saw him?" Remus repeated in a calm voice.

Lorena rubbed her eyes and took a deep breath. The memory had been strange and frightening. It had also been a sad one. "It was around a month after Krystyna died," she began quietly, "when I began to recuperate..."

~*~

Clap. Clap. Clap.

The corridor was almost pitch black; it had barely enough light to see down the hall. It was freezing cold, too, but the cold not only gave you the chills, but froze your heart. She could see her breath in front of her as she walked towards what felt like her certain doom. She kept her eyes straight ahead so that they would not stray from her objective. Besides, she didn't want to see anyone else here that she used to know. She had come here for one thing and one thing only. She was not going to do anything else.

Clap. Clap. Clap.

Perhaps she shouldn't have worn high heels; she had difficulty walking in them, they hurt her feet, and they made a lot of noise. But then again, she had a meeting to go to right after she left this wretched place, and there was no time to change. Her clean, black robes hung loose onto her scrawny form; she had lost a bit more weight than what was healthy. However, instead of bowing her head like she saw the other Aurors and workers do when in here, she held her head up straight and stared forward. She'd actually grown used to the cold, lifelessness.

The Dementors didn't bother her much, honestly. They just sort of stared after her and were probably a tad bit disappointed with her arrival. No doubt they had been eager to suck the happiness out of her - only to find that they could find none whatsoever inside the empty shell that she was right now. Maybe she would get better one of these days. Maybe she would be able to live again. But for now, she stuck with what she had - her emptiness - and figured that it was for the best since the Dementors couldn't do much to her. In the back of her mind, she could hear the tortured screams and cruel laughs of a distant, painful memory, but she tried not to pay it much attention.

Lorena Fawcett was twenty-two. It was early in the month of June. Lorena was grateful than June had come as she hated the month of May with a passion, almost as much as she despised October. She used to like both months, but now, it couldn't end any sooner or come any later. Nothing good ever came out of May or October, she'd decided a while back. Besides, walking through Azkaban couldn't possibly make you feel any better about anything, especially the awful times she'd been through in the past few years of her life.

But as they say, curiosity killed the cat; and that curiosity always got the best of Lorena. She glanced to her right and looked at the prisoners sitting behind in their cells, Dementors floating right outside of them. They all looked horrible and frightening. What she was really afraid of was that she'd see Marcus or that her destination would be next to Uncle Cassius' cell. It was only when she saw someone that she recognized that she stopped to stare at them, realizing that there were other people in her she knew besides her family. The person stared back.

"Lorena, is that you?" a raspy, yet familiar voice called out from a dark cell. She didn't respond. Her throat was too dry to do that. The person walked into the little light they had to look at her, his abnormally pale face gaunt and eyes alive with a manic glint in his eyes; it looked so unnatural for him. He wrapped his hands around the cold bars. "It's me - Antonin."

"No, not you Dolohov," Lorena muttered. He nodded his head. How time in Azkaban had changed her former friend. He looked worse for wear. The dark bags under his eyes did him no good; his black hair was long, matted, and had the an oily sheen that reminded her of Severus Snape; and it appeared as if his Azkaban robes were hanging on by a thread to his skinny body. He looked like he needed a few hearty meals. "I - I...I have to go - now."

"Lorena, wait; don't leave yet! Get me out of here! NO!"

Lorena backed away from him, staggering in her heels, and then took off down the next corridor. She wished her eyes hadn't strayed. The shock had been an unpleasant one for sure, and the knot in her stomach tightened. She rounded a corner and felt an uncomfortable cold chill run down her spine. There were more Dementors here than in the other hall; these were the high security cells where the worst of the worst were held prisoner. She slowed her pace as she walked to the one cell that she'd seen in her nightmares since that November morning.

"Lorena?" another familiar, quiet voice came.

Lorena stopped in front of the cell. The Dementors stayed in their spots and didn't move at all, neither turning their heads to suck any joy of seeing an old friend again or giving any indication that they noticed her presence at all.

"Sirius," Lorena replied stiffly as a greeting.

Sirius Black was not looking his best either and although he was looking a lot better off than Antonin Dolohov, Sirius couldn't really brag about anything. His once neat black hair was longer and in tangles; he looked like he saw a ghost; and his dark grey eyes were looking haunted. A mental picture of Dahlia with those same haunted eyes flashed in Lorena's mind; and she looked away from him.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius asked in a cold voice. "Don't you think I'm guilty?"

Lorena bit her lip. She had to remind herself that this was not about her.

"Sirius," Lorena began slowly, ignoring what he had just said, "something happened last month. I'm sure no one told you about it since you've been locked in here for so long, but I thought you needed to know so please cut out with the attitude. Honestly, I'm in no mood either. I would've told you earlier, but...certain things came up, and I was unable to...pull myself together properly for a meeting with you."

"What happened to Krystyna and Dahlia?" Sirius demanded bluntly. So he knew that it involved them. Of course, that had been obvious, she reprimanded herself.

Lorena looked him square in the eyes, sure that his haunted look would rub off on her one day, when she answered him: "Krystyna is dead."

"What? No, no, no...you're lying!" Sirius blanched, looking whiter than parchment. He backed away from her and bumped into the stone wall of his small cell.

Lorena shook her head. "I wish I was, Sirius," she replied miserably. "She was murdered."

"No, no, no, no!" Sirius moaned, holding his head and walking around his cell. She looked away from him quickly; she'd hoped that his being in Azkaban for so long would have made him close to emotionless or that his being a Death Eater (totally untrue, by the way he was acting now) would've made him heartless. "She was supposed to live and have a wonderful life with Dahlia! She wasn't supposed to ever get hurt again! This is my fault. If I wouldn't have been so stupid-"

"Shut up," Lorena said quietly. Merlin, she couldn't take this right now, not after she'd just started recuperating from Krystyna's death herself.

"-none of this would have happened. I can't believe it! If I was out there, I could've protected her, but no, I'm stuck inside this bloody cell while she's getting murdered-"

"Please, Sirius, shut up," Lorena groaned.

"-by bloody Death Eaters! I hate this stupid Ministry! I hate this stupid world! I hate my stupid life! She was not supposed to die-"

"Shut up!" Lorena snapped. Sirius closed his mouth and gave her a sullen look, like she'd just slapped him in the face. She tore her eyes away from his again and closed her eyes. Now was not the time to lose her temper, she reminded herself; Sirius was grieving, and she'd done her time. He'd done his time. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. "I'm sorry..."

"Krystyna was too good for this earth. She was like an angel sent from above." Sirius rubbed his eyes, like he'd been crying, although he never would've admitted it in a million years; at least...the Sirius she knew wouldn't. The Dementors were getting nothing now but grief. "I guess she's with Lily and James now, where she can smile and laugh with her best friend again..."

"I guess so," Lorena whispered.

"What about Dahlia?" Sirius breathed.

The mere mention of the young girl renewed the old, angry spark within her. "The Ministry won't let me see her; they took her away from me, and I don't know why," she told him, sounding tired. The Ministry was being a pain; and she was being a pain right back. That was what her next meeting was about : whether or not they would give her custody of Dahlia when Lorena was rightly Dahlia's godmother.

"But she's alive and safe?" Sirius asked, any hope left in him quivering in his voice. Lorena nodded her head. Dahlia was alive, healthy, and as safe as she could possibly be. The only thing Dahlia wasn't safe from was from her own misery and pain that she was going through; Lorena was afraid that the Ministry official watching over the young girl wasn't doing a proper job handling the girl's grief. "What's happening with Remus? How has he taken the news?" Lorena didn't want to answer that. She didn't want to answer that Remus had broken up with her a month ago. It was still too raw - still too fresh of a wound. The tears began to attack her eyes and she wiped at them thickly, refusing to let them shine through. He looked up at her to see her attempt was going sour. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know how Remus is, Sirius," Lorena told him. She sniffed.

Sirius groaned. "Please say he isn't..."

"No, he's alive," Lorena said bitterly, "but I don't know how he's doing since he split with me last month."

"He - what?!" Sirius sounded astonished. "But he...he loves you!"

Lorena gave a bitter laugh. "He used to love me, I suppose, but now, it's over. The war does funny things to people; I suppose we grew apart or something equally as stupid as that." She glowered at a Dementor very heatedly. "He left me. He wasn't happy anymore. He's gone - out of my life."

"I'm...sorry," Sirius muttered.

"No, Sirius," Lorena sighed, looking at him softly, "I'm sorry. I'm trying, but it's so hard for me to... Krystyna never stopped telling me that you were innocent. I'm doing this for her, you know."

Sirius nodded his head. "I know."

"I'm sorry, Sirius, but I don't think there's anything else I can do to help you out," Lorena told him truthfully. "I'm doing everything I can in my power, which isn't much anymore." Ever since she'd earned a reputation as an alcoholic, her career had faltered and was currently at a stand still, but she wasn't about to tell Sirius that since he probably already knew from his experiences with her in the past - if he counted those anymore. "Right now, I'm just trying to find out who did this to Krystyna."

"Will you tell me if you find out?" Sirius implored. "I...I need to know."

Lorena thought about it. Undoubtedly, Sirius wanted to know who had done such a thing to his wife and daughter. Lorena was reminded again; those were not the eyes of a guilty murderer. She had seen those types of eyes before; she'd seen killers' eyes since she was a little girl. She knew exactly what they looked like (she saw them every day in the mirror, but she only told one person about that, and she was dead now); and those were not it. Sirius had the eyes of an innocent man.

"Yes, I'll tell you," Lorena said quietly, and then glanced nervously at her watch. She nearly gasped when she saw the time. "Damn, I'm going to be late for that bloody meeting; that definitely won't make a good impression on those bloody Ministry officials. Sirius, I-" She looked up at him and found that she didn't know what to say; she had to go - and leave him in this hell hole forever. She bit her lip. "I have to go now. I have a meeting on whether or not I'll be able to gain the rightful custody of Dahlia. I'm so sorry, Sirius, but..."

How could she do this? How could she possibly say goodbye and not know that she'd most likely never see him again? He'd be in here forever - the boy who had once glued her fingers together before Hogwarts - the teenager who had attempted to flirt with her by means of getting to Krystyna - the man who had saved countless of lives...and killed thirteen others years later. None of it made sense; this whole place was a madhouse. Lorena wiped at her eyes again and walked away from him, her bottom lip trembling so hard she thought it might fall off. She walked away from a friend.

She walked right into a different life.

~*~

"And that, Remus, was the last I saw of our dear friend, Sirius," Lorena concluded. She'd been looking everywhere around the room but at him, feeling strangely guilty and unsure if what she'd done was right or wrong. After a minute of silence, she forced herself to look up at Remus, who had been silent throughout her entire tale, hard in the eyes--those warm amber eyes of his that never ceased to capture her attention. Curse his good looks once again.

"Eyes of an innocent man, eh?" Remus said suddenly, startling her out of her reverie. His hard look didn't waver, and she felt like he was checking to see if there was anything wrong with her; the feeling made her uneasy, which was weird, considering who he was. He sighed resignedly and then leaned back into his chair, looking awfully tired. She softened her expression, maybe to make him more at ease. "So you believed Krystyna?"

"Well...sort of," Lorena mumbled, glancing away from him sheepishly. "I wasn't sure who or what to believe, to be honest. I wanted to believe her - I'm sure we all did - but, you know, all of the evidence was pointed straight to him, and my job basically says, Evidence is evidence. I suppose maybe the interpretation of the evidence could've been wrong, but..."

"So you rode the fence."

"Yeah, that's about exactly what I did," Lorena sighed. "I wanted to believe her and I wanted to believe him, but I was always told that he was guilty - and even you hadn't believed that he was innocent. It's just...I never thought that Sirius could do something so...so..." She shuddered. "I saw the pictures of the scene. It was...It was terrible - awful - horrendous. I had nightmares of that place blowing up and could almost hear Sirius' bark-like laughter." She gave a bitter chuckle. "But Krystyna was persistent about Sirius' innocence until the day she died and that always stuck with me - her loyalty, determination, and never-ending supply of strength and love for her daughter and even Sirius, too."

"Peter was our friend," Remus commented.

"And so was Sirius."

"Sirius blew Peter up," Remus pointed out.

"But Sirius loved Krystyna to no end; he lived to see her and Dahlia everyday after work. I just don't see how it can be! I mean, sometimes, people can be fooled into believing lies to be evidence. I know how Dark wizards work, and I for sure as hell knew then! Sirius just didn't cut it, in my opinion."

"I don't believe you," Remus told her flatly.

"Well I do!" Lorena retorted, glaring at Remus. Why was he being so difficult with her about this? It was almost like he was frustrating her on purpose, which was absolutely ridiculous. What kind of barmy purpose would it hold? "Did you look him in the eyes when he was sentenced to life in Azkaban? Did you see the dedication he had to Krystyna, even then? You should've seen the look in his eyes when I told him that Krystyna had been murdered! You should've seen him when I told him that. That was not a guilty man standing behind bars in Azkaban; that was a broken man. He lost more than his freedom that Halloween night in '81; he also lost his life!"

"Do you really believe Sirius is innocent?" Remus questioned her quietly.

"Yes!" Lorena nearly shouted, jumping out of her seat. The look in his eyes - utter disbelief - shook her, and she turned around on her heels. No, she was getting far too emotional about this. It had been years since she'd gotten so riled up about something; it had been so long since she'd become so passionate about something, too afraid that she'd get attached and hurt again like she had been then. She wasn't going to look at him; she didn't think she could look back at him - far too embarrassed. Things were definitely not going according to plan. It hadn't even been two hours and she was fighting with him already, the old hurt coming back to haunt her like a ghost. She was still angry with him for abandoning her in her time of need. Surely he had needed help then, too; being alone could've only made matters worse. Then why had he left her?

"Because he didn't love you anymore" just didn't cut it for Lorena any longer. There had been something else in his eyes that day - something he wouldn't dare tell her because he'd also been too afraid of everything that had happened to them in the years before then. But what had it been? She'd tried to block the memory out and couldn't exactly remember all the details, but the passive look on his face - like he didn't care - still grated her.

When Lorena finally looked back at Remus, she saw that a faint smile had spread across his face. Curious, she slowly turned back around to face him. His eyes were glowing.

"Then you guessed correctly," Remus told her, switching immediately. Her brow furrowed. "Sirius was innocent."

"Honestly?" Lorena demanded, slowly returning back to her seat. What in the world was going on? The world was spinning upside down and falling right into that black hole the Ministry of Magic had already fallen into! What could possibly be next? Remus nodded his head. "But...how?"

"Without telling us, Sirius switched Secret Keeping positions with Peter because he knew that he would be the likely Secret Keeper while Peter wouldn't be," Remus explained. "I mean, I never guessed it. Everyone would come after Sirius, not Peter. James and Lily would be perfectly safe. It was the most ideal plan, simple, logical, and a trick that would take Voldemort by surprise if he went after Sirius."

"But why not you?" Lorena asked. "You would've been a better Secret Keeper."

"Maybe, maybe not," Remus said with a wan smile, "but Sirius was suspicious about me."

"Sirius thought you were the spy?" Lorena exclaimed in a shrill voice. Remus nodded his head. "That's unbelievable! I had never even thought about that, and they knew you far longer than I had. You'd been best friends with him for almost nine years at the time; I'd expect he would've thought better of you."

"Well, even so, when someone's a werewolf like me, that is the most logical solution," Remus replied. She still wasn't buying what he was telling her; it didn't seem logical to her, and she'd dated the man, which was probably a lot more intimate than friends were. Why hadn't Sirius asked her about it? "But before I go off topic, let me say the most important thing you'll need to know; it's the reason I came and the reason I probed a bit farther than what was needed." Lorena blinked, confused. That hadn't been "probing" a few minutes ago; it had been downright exasperating. Nevertheless, she let him continue without an ounce of complaints. "Sirius was not a Death Eater or the spy for Voldemort. It was Peter who was a Death Eater and the spy."

Lorena's jaw dropped and her eyes widened in shock. "Peter Pettigrew? You can't be - no that's impossible - Peter couldn't possibly - but... Ugh, it just doesn't make any sense! I can't see Peter doing anything like that" - she frowned at a thought - "or, at least, being capable of doing something like that right under our noses. But what about all the evidence against Sirius? We can't deny any of that."

"Didn't you say it once yourself? Haven't you thought about it more than a few times?" Remus asked. Lorena kept her mouth shut on this one. True, she had spit out that Peter was a fool and a Death Eater once to the former Minister of Magic, Daniel Jacobs, at Sirius' trial. But she had been in shock, confused, hurt, and miserable; she hadn't really been in her right mind at the time and had yelled out the first thing that would prove Sirius was innocent. She hadn't really thought it was true, had she? Just because she spent half her time analyzing what had happened that night, trying to rationalize why Sirius would do something like that or how he could be innocent... "Peter did all of those things."

"He...He didn't organize the attack on me or Sara's kidnapping," Lorena said quietly. Remus frowned deeply at her, making his brow crease. Then, she began to shake her head. "No, that wasn't him. I hadn't told him anything about the Rookwood case and Rookwood's only visitor was..."

Lorena gave an involuntary shudder as Rodolphus Lestrange's face popped into her mind.

"Who was it?" Remus questioned.

Lorena brought her eyes up to his and then quickly looked away, worried that he would see the fear in her eyes. "You don't know him," she dismissed hastily without a second thought. It was better that he not know; there were some things she'd kept to herself or trusted Lily with, but she couldn't stand the shame of telling Remus some things. She looked back at him and straightened herself up again, trying to look as calm as she could be. "Now, continue on. Peter was James and Lily's Secret Keeper and the spy in the Order. What else?"

"He's an Animagus; they all were," Remus admitted. Lorena raised her eyebrows; being brilliant was one thing, but becoming Animagi was quite another. "They trained to be them after James found out about my 'furry, little problem'." It was hard to suppress a smile, but the memory of hearing James call Remus' condition brought happiness to Lorena, despite what they were talking about. "It was spectacular; they were all fully trained Animagi by fifth year - James a stag, of course; Sirius a big, black dog; and Peter...a rat."

"Like the snitch he is," Lorena grumbled bitterly. "How appropriate."

Remus grinned. "Ah, yes, well, I should have known then; we should've seen him as the rat he was!" he said sarcastically. He shook his head. "But we were so young then and couldn't possibly understand such things; although we weren't innocent, we were but students willing to learn and so enthused about the possible abilities. They kept me company when I was a werewolf; we had tons of adventures together. And you remember our nicknames for each other: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. It was all fun and games...until we left Hogwarts. Then, they could use their talents for many other things.

"Sirius proved to be a nice little information gatherer in his Animagus form, but Peter, ah, now he was the one who could do the real job - the real spying. It felt so appropriate to us, like an inside joke. Too bad he was spying for the Dark side and the joke was on us." Remus paused to remember something, staring at an open book on her desk. Lorena waited for him to continue, impatiently as she tapped her foot on the floor and watched him intently. "I think he liked you." Lorena leaned back in her seat and raised her eyebrows at this, her mouth forming a questioning word. "As more than a friend, I mean."

"And what gives you that idea?" Lorena demanded, finally in control of her mouth again. She'd never heard of that before. It had been so random. What did it matter now? It didn't matter anything now or then. She and Peter had just been friends. What made Remus think that Peter had wanted any different? Peter had known that she was not going to leave Remus for anything or anyone - and she had stuck true to that.

"Just...the way he had looked at you - like there was longing in his eyes - like there was something that he wanted," Remus said, mostly to himself. Lorena's cheeks burned, and she was sure that they were red; this was utterly embarrassing for her, never mind the fact that he was having no reaction whatsoever. He suddenly smiled and shook his head. "But those days are over, aren't they? Let's continue on, shall we?"

"I - uh - okay..." Lorena still wanted to know why Remus thought that Peter had like her as more than a friend. Now it would bother her until she found an exact answer, which would only come from Peter himself; she sighed, wishing that Remus had left the subject untouched and had not opened a new can of flobberworms. She was reminded of something in the back of her mind, but was too busy trying to switch back onto the original track. She'd think about that later. "How did Peter frame Sirius?"

"Well, after Lily and James were killed by Voldemort, naturally, Sirius went after Peter; he was the only one who knew what had truly happened," Remus explained. "But when Sirius found Peter, things went downhill from there. Before Sirius could do anything, Peter shouted all those lies about Sirius betraying Lily and James and then blew up the street behind him since his wand was already out. After he'd blown everything up, Peter changed into his Animagus form and escaped into the sewer system. Sirius, just having gone mad from everything that had happened, must have cracked and started laughing."

The faint, memory of Sirius' bark-like laughter popped into Lorena's head, and she could hear it so well, like he was sitting or standing next to her. "Then what's Peter been doing for the past decade?"

"He lived as a pet rat in the Weasley family, of course," Remus answered, as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. Lorena gawked at him in disbelief. There was no way that this could possibly be true; none of that could have happened. Yet, here Remus was, sitting right in front of her and telling her that it was all very true.

"The Weasleys?" Lorena repeated doubtfully. She gave him a dubious look that he just waved off with a nod of his head. "As a pet rat?" Remus nodded his head again. "That's barking mad, and you know it."

"Yes, but very true," Remus replied. "I saw it for myself. You remember the Marauder's Map, don't you?"

"You know, I still feel really guilty for having that map getting filched," Lorena admitted. "James was so steamed at me for an entire week."

"Well, it was hard work, but now, I'm thankful that it got taken away," Remus replied. Lorena gave him an odd look, cocking her head to one side with a curious expression on her pale face. "Somehow, Fred and George Weasley - being the devoted followers of the Marauder way that they are - nicked the Map from Filch in their first year; in their fifth year - Harry's third year - they passed the Marauder's Map down to Harry. I acquired the Map after confiscating it from Harry later on when he used it to sneak into Hogsmeade."

That's the James in him! Lorena thought with a small ounce of pride.

Remus continued, not having known her thoughts: "At the end of the school year, I saw something on the Marauder's Map that startled me - two dots with the labels Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. I chased after them and found that Harry and his friends had chased after Sirius. After plenty of explanations and far too many interruptions, Sirius and I took the rat - Ron Weasley's pet, Scabbers, at the time - and returned Wormtail to his human form. Needless to say, Peter escaped and you know the rest - except the part that Sirius was actually innocent."

"I can't...Merlin, I never thought Peter could do such things," Lorena said, feeling light-headed and shocked. "I used to think he was so innocent." She gave a short, bitter laugh. "I kept telling Sirius and James that they were corrupting him."

Remus nodded his head, agreeing with her. "It's understandably hard to believe," he confessed, "but it gets worse."

"That's brilliant," Lorena muttered.

"You remember two years ago well, I'm sure," Remus began. Lorena nodded her head and rolled her eyes at that. 1994 and 1995 had been a complete pain in the arse. Work had been tripled since then with crimes doubling here and there. "The Triwizard Tournament was the perfect opportunity for Voldemort to begin his little operation. After the Quidditch World Cup, he had a spy set in Hogwarts and everything was going smoothly for him. When Harry disappeared in the Third Task, he was supposed to remain gone, but Harry came back with Cedric Diggory's dead body. Peter had helped nurse Voldemort back to health and had then helped the resurrection of Voldemort - in other words, he gave Voldemort his new body." Remus shook his head. "The spy was Barty Crouch, Junior, who I'm sure you also remember."

"Please, don't remind me," Lorena groaned, rubbing her temples because of the oncoming headache. That had been a disaster waiting to happen. Mr. Bartimus Crouch, Senior, Head of the Magical Law Enforcement Department at the time, had been riding everyone's arses to get cases concerning Death Eaters done and out of the way. He had devoted his entire life to have them all put away in Azkaban forever - and then his own son happened to be a Death Eater. She remembered the young wizard vaguely, stumbling into one of their little spats; while he was handsome, she couldn't quite forget the rage etched onto the young man's face that day. Blinking and shaking her head, she returned to the present day and looked up Remus.

"Well, now you know that Peter is the guilty one and Sirius was the innocent one," he said, sounding and looking tired again. "It's all over now."

Lorena looked at him oddly. She thought about what he had said, furrowing her brow in concentration, when it hit her like a ton of bricks; her eyes widened. "What do you mean that it's over now?" she demanded.

"Lorena," Remus began slowly, biting his lip and looking even more hurt now, "Sirius died last week."

Bile rose up in her throat, but she held it down, begging to be released as the thought of throwing up came to mind; it was all so sick. Gradually, she took her eyes away from his and looked down at the ground, shock filling her up and freezing her. For a minute, she couldn't speak, move, or even think; all she did was sit still. After the shock wore off some, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She sat there in her seat for a few minutes, not saying anything nor doing anything. Remus just watched her carefully; he knew she was letting it sink in.

"How did he die?" Lorena asked quietly.

"When he heard that Harry had gone to the Department of Mysteries, he wouldn't stay hiding; he begged me to let him come and wouldn't relent until I let him," Remus answered, trying to keep his voice unemotional, but she heard the cracks in his steady tone. He rubbed his face with his hands and gave a tired, exasperated sigh. "Merlin, I wish I wouldn't have let him; I wish I would've been just as stubborn as him - as you. He would have still been alive then."

Feeling too tired to argue with him about where the guilt lie, Lorena continued to ask questions. "Who killed him?"

"Bellatrix Lestrange, his own cousin - his own blood," he replied. He gave a short, heartless laugh that made Lorena want to shiver and then shook his head. "I never would have guessed it would be her to take Sirius down. After he escaped Azkaban, I thought him almost invincible, like nothing in the world could possibly happen to him; after all, lighten doesn't strike twice and he'd already went away once." There was a pause, and then Remus continued: "He died protecting Harry, just as he would've wanted to."

"I don't think he wanted to die," Lorena retorted in a soft voice.

"No, I don't think he wanted to leave Harry at all," Remus sighed. "He'd just gotten out of Azkaban, and he was getting a little better, too, I think, after being in that horrific place for so long. I could see what used to be the old Sirius coming out finally; I'd been so excited."

"Did he...? Did he ever talk about Krystyna or Dahlia?" Lorena asked quietly.

"Yes," Remus told her, "but never when Harry or anyone else was around. No one else besides me and one or two others knew that Sirius had been...married before and had a child. No one talked about it because he never brought it up; we thought he'd talk about it when he was ready. That was Sirius' life, and I wasn't about to do something to mess it up and tell Harry if Sirius didn't want him to know."

"How was he when he was out of that madhouse? Was he any different?"

"A little...crazy, but every time Harry was around, he was like his old self again." Remus smiled at a memory that suddenly came to him. "He sang songs at Christmas when Harry was around; he looked happy then."

"That's..." Lorena nodded her head and took another deep breath, keeping the tears at bay. "That's good. Yeah, that's great; that's wonderful."

Remus suddenly took her hands in his and rubbed them, like it would somehow comfort her. She looked back up and connected eyes with him; he gave her a soft look with those amber eyes of his that spoke millions of soothing words that he could not say aloud. Yet she could feel the tears stinging her eyes even worse now; so badly, she wanted to cry, but she was too ashamed to admit it. He squeezed her hands.

"He's with Krystyna now - and James, Lily, and Sara," he told her softly. "He's with his family again. I'm sure he's happy - I'm sure he wished could have seen Dahlia and you again - but we can't go back and changed that. He's in heaven with the people he loves."

"I just wish I could've told him...that I...that I believed him," Lorena whispered. A few tears slipped out of her eyes and ran down her face; she did nothing to wipe them away. Remus instinctively got out of his seat and walked around the desk, still holding her hands. He kneeled to her side and squeezed her hands again. She moved to face him, keeping her eyes on his, and wished that he would be able to relieve some of the guilt that she still held onto.

"He already knew that you believed him," Remus said softly. More tears fell silently down her face. "He wanted to see you again, too - trust me, he did. But we couldn't just yet."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Lorena demanded, her bottom lip trembling. She had wanted to let Sirius know so badly that she believed him; she had wanted to let him know that she was on his side when she hadn't been able to do so the last time she'd seen him. And when he'd gotten out of Azkaban, she knew that she had her chance, but things had become even worse around the Ministry. In fact, she'd attempted to seek out Remus again, but had been too afraid to do so out of shame.

"You were in the public eye too much," Remus tried to explain. "Anyone that talked to you would have been immediately looked up. And we couldn't likely go up to your door and tell you that we had Sirius Black with us and he wanted to talk to you. Things were too dangerous. He wanted to contact you; we all got into so many fights with him about it."

"I never got to tell him," Lorena cried, more tears coming out now and hating herself for showing so much emotion.

"But he already knew, Lorena," Remus said in an imploring voice. She began to cry softly. He straightened up when she leaned down and put her head on his shoulder. By letting go of her hands, she was able to put her arms around his neck and grasp onto him as she softly cried for Sirius. "He already knew that you believed him before he died. Just think, he's happy now and always will be."

Those comforting words did nothing to help her. For now, Lorena cried for Sirius.