In All the Thunder

Chapter Seventeen: A Forgotten Friendship

December 28^th, 1970

Nose almost touching the parchment of the book, Lorena read her Potions book for the fifth time in two months - and it was huge, too. She knew everything about the book in and out (it wasn't as exciting as the books her Uncle Cassius had in his Study), but she had to make sure that her essay was perfect. How would it look if she got less than an O on a Potions essay? Even if she was in Gryffindor and not Slytherin, everyone knew that she was a Potions genius, making even Severus Snape look like a second-best in that class. It was her pride - her only source of dignity - her only friend.

Everyone in the Gryffindor common room passed her up without even noticing her, which she preferred, because the ones who did notice her were the older students - and they glared at the back of her chair as they went. Lorena knew they didn't hate her necessarily; they hated where came from: neither the Fawcett lineage nor Malfoy lineage had ever had a child in Gryffindor before - until now. They were usually in Slytherin or Ravenclaw. No Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs ever - until she came along.

But Lorena wasn't only hiding away in her Potions textbook to get an O on her essay and to keep away from the mean glares of the older Gryffindor students. She was also hiding a nice shiner - a blossoming black eye. Not that anyone cared about her, but she didn't want anyone to notice that. She had raced to the common room safely by ducking her head and hiding it behind her blond hair, but the common room was filled to capacity. Her Potions textbook had been the only thing in her hands at the time and her only escape.

Her hands were stiff, and her knees hurt from falling onto the stone floor after the shiner was acquired. She bit her lip, trying to stop her hands from trembling, and remembered the taste of metallic when she tasted blood from her lip. Realizing that she looked ridiculous, she stopped, hoping that no one would take notice of the book trembling in her hands.

She didn't want anyone to notice or they'd ask her about it. Questions just made Lorena even more uncomfortable. They'd see that pretty black eye and get worried over nothing. No one had ever worried over her before; there was no reason to start now. Then, they'd tell the Head of House, Professor McGonagall, or worse, Albus Dumbledore. Another thought occurred to her. She didn't even want to think about what would happen if he found out. It was only after she shot the portrait door a frightened look that she remembered that no one but Gryffindors could get inside. She sighed with relief that was cut short on supply quickly.

"Are you okay?" a voice asked her, startling her out of her reverie. Lorena jumped and peered over the top of her book cautiously. She saw a sandy-haired boy with amber eyes standing in front of her, looking back at her with a concerned look on his face. He was a first year, too, just like her: Remus Lupin, a half blood.

Gryffindor and Hufflepuff were filled with the most impure blooded students; she remembered all the time because her parents had told her more than once before she'd started Hogwarts. But it didn't matter now that she was in Gryffindor, pure blood and all. People shouldn't be categorized by the pureness of their blood; that had crossed her mind plenty. It didn't seem right to her.

"I'm fine," she replied in a muffled voice. He gave her a look that clearly told her that he didn't believe her a single bit at all. She hid behind her book again and her eyes became watery as she told him, "Go away."

"You are not fine," Lupin said matter-of-factly. She didn't move at all; she just sat behind her book and tried her best to ignore him. People would probably do better if they ignored her. They'd be safer and in less danger and less inclined to get hurt. People always got hurt when they tried to help her. She had come to that conclusion over many events in the past few months.

"I'm fine," she told him more firmly. "Leave me alone."

"Then why are your hands shaking?" he demanded, sounding miffed. Eleven year-olds were neither the wisest nor the best at controlling their temper; in fact, they usually acted like two year-olds.

"I'm cold," she merely answered.

"You're sitting beside the fire," he pointed out. She didn't look over to check, although she knew he was right. People were so nosy and oblivious to the problems of others. She had completely forgotten about the fireplace; she hadn't felt the comforting heat tonight. "It's burning up in here."

"Well, I have the chills," Lorena lied smoothly. She knew how to lie and how to lie well. "I don't feel too well, you know; I think I'm sick."

"Then why are you reading that boring old Potions book instead of sleeping or going to the Hospital Wing?" Lupin questioned. It was none of this is his business, but eleven year-olds didn't care about that. Lorena could tell that he was getting agitated with her for not answering him - truthfully - but she was getting agitated with him for not leaving her alone.

He can sense my lies, she thought worriedly.

"Because I can't sleep when I'm sick," Lorena told him. "And reading always makes me sleepy."

"You've been at it for an hour!" Lupin exclaimed exasperatedly. "Potions can't be that exciting! You should've been asleep by now."

Lorena peered over her book at him this time and gave him a deadly glower. "Because I happen to find Potions that exciting, is that all right with you?"

Lupin paled slightly and sat down on a red adoman. She had always had the power to scare someone with a simple glare. Lucius had once told her that her eyes were almost as powerful as Crucio; it was an exaggeration, of course, but she sometimes wished it was true. However, by looking at Lupin now, someone might've thought it was true.

"I...just thought that..."

"But it's not your business, now is it?" Lorena said coldly, irritated and frightened at the same time. "Leave me alone, Lupin. Go back over to your little friends." She pulled her hand off her book and made a wide gesture to his friends, James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew. Lupin looked hurt and confused. "I'm just fine here by myself."

Best leave me alone if you don't want to get hurt, Lorena added mentally.

Finally, Lupin nodded his head slowly and stood up. He still looked hurt, but Lorena decided it was for his own good. The problem was that he didn't leave right away; instead, he stood there and watched her. She stared back, knowing in the back of her mind that staring was inappropriate but not stopping.

He has the warmest eyes, Lorena found herself thinking dreamily in the way eleven year-old girls did. The amber color is really nice... What am I thinking? Tell him to leave!

"Leave," Lorena said out loud in a frosty voice. Yet, much to her dismay, she hinted a bit of sadness in her own voice that he was sure to detect. He gave her another one of his concerned looks that make her hide behind her book again. She suddenly squealed when Lupin took the book right out of her hands. She jumped to her feet.

"Give that back!" Lorena demanded. But Lupin wasn't looking at the book or giving her a teasing smirk like what all the other boys do to her. He gaped at her in horror. Her glare disappeared and she suddenly felt very bare to everyone. She wanted to disappear; she desperately wished she knew how to Apparate, even if it was impossible to do at Hogwarts. Soon, he wasn't the only one staring at her Because of her unusual outburst, the entire common room was gawking at her.

Lorena touched her face and felt that her cheeks were still wet from tears. Then, she touched the area around her left eye and found that it still felt swollen and sore. Suddenly, she remembered her black eye and ducked her head to hide it again. She looked around at everyone else and wanted to cry so much; no matter how much her parents and Marcus would rebuke her, she wanted to sob on the spot. Total silence filled the room. Potter looked surprised; Pettigrew looked shocked; Black gave her a look of understanding; Lily Evans looked awfully worried, more than Lorena was comfortable with; and Krystyna looked angry.

But Lorena didn't really care. All she could see was Remus Lupin giving her the most concerned look she had ever been given in her life. She tried to recompose herself, but failed, and then took off out of the Gryffindor common room. She couldn't face them - or him. Instead, she raced down the steep stairs and through the dark, cold corridors. She ran and ran and ran until she found herself outside. It was snowing and freezing and she was without a coat or cloak, but she didn't care. She didn't even care that she had nowhere to go. It was not embarrassment she was feeling but sheer horror.

She didn't want them to get hurt, honestly.

Lorena wrapped her arms around thin waist and trudged through the snow, shivering. She swayed in the wind and groaned, tears slipping rapidly down her pale face. No one cared about her, of course. They'd just say that she'd picked a fight and got a shiner out of it. No one would worry about her. No one even liked her; she had no friends to worry about her.

"Hey, hey, get back in here! You're going to catch a cold or pneumonia!"

"That's what I'm hoping for!" Lorena shouted back. There was a noise behind her - someone was running out after her - and she tried to run through the snow to get away but couldn't. The snow was too deep; and she landed up tripping, falling into the snow. It was so cold.

"I'm sure you don't want to die," the same person said, scoffing at her; and Lorena recognized the voice as Remus Lupin again. She felt someone pull her to her feet and wrap a huge cloak around her. She turned her head around to see that it was, indeed, Lupin. Immediately, she looked away. He began to guide her back to the castle, although she felt stupid and silly for running out here in the first place. She didn't know what had come over her. "Now, c'mon, let's go back inside, all right? Someone's gone to get Professor McGonagall."

"No!" Lorena suddenly burst. She stopped walking toward the castle abruptly and jerked out of his soothing hold, giving him a frightened look. He looked confused; his brow was furrowed and a frown was on his face. "I don't want her to-"

"You don't want her to know about that shiner?" Lupin cut in. She turned away quickly. He used his thumb and his forefinger to grab her chin and turn her face back to look toward him. "Who gave it to you?"

Lorena didn't answer. He didn't need to know. He shouldn't know. He wouldn't know.

"Who gave it to you?" Lupin demanded in a firm voice. It was the voice her father, uncle, and Marcus used on her all of the time - the voice that left you no possible way out. She felt trapped; her grey eyes showed that she was afraid.

Her mouth formed a name and she whispered it, but Lorena wasn't sure that Lupin heard her. He stared at her for a few minutes. She was not about to repeat it either. Suddenly, he pulled her into an awkward hug, but it was a very calming and soothing hug. She was in shock because she had never been hugged before that many times, much less by a boy. Her mother hadn't even hugged her when she left for Hogwarts for the first time. She found strange more than anything.

"I'm sorry," Remus told her quietly. He pulled away, pink in the face and looking slightly embarrassed for hugging a girl. "I saw him dragging you down the corridor this afternoon. I didn't know..."

"Please don't tell anyone!" Lorena begged with imploring eyes. "I don't want anyone to find out that this happens! He'll get so angry at me! An-and he'll owl my parents and everything. Please, don't make me see McGonagall or Dumbledore!"

Remus gulped. She knew that he is deciding between what was right and what was easy. It would be so easy just to let McGonagall see her and it seemed so right, too. But this "right" would cause her even more pain and that wasn't right. Remus growled, angry at him. Lorena felt scared now, afraid that she'd get caught. He took a deep breath.

"Fine, I'll get Professor McGonagall to go away," Remus replied, "but only if you promise to tell someone if this happens again."

Lorena thought about it. "Does it have to be a teacher? Please, I can't tell any of them."

"No," Remus sighed, "you can just tell..."

"You?" Lorena inquired timidly. He raised an eyebrow. They were both unaware that they were now inside the warmth of the castle. "You're the only one who knows who, you know, gave me this." She pointed at her blossoming black eye. "The less people that know, the better."

"I'm not sure," Remus replied. "I just don't think that it's right not to tell a professor about something important like this."

"It's not important!" Lorena squealed. "I'm not important."

"You are too important," Remus told her in that firm voice again, but his voice cracked this time. She kept her mouth shut on this one and could see the fire in his eyes. The helpless look she gave him calmed him down. "I guess it's all right. If he does anything else, you can tell me."

"I don't see how much good that'll do," Lorena grumbled.

"You won't be alone," Remus pointed out. She looked up into his eyes and saw he was being truthful. Lorena managed a feeble smile and he grins back at her. The idea of not being alone sounded so appeasing to her right now. They walked back to the Gryffindor common room together in companionable silence.