In All the Thunder

Chapter Twelve: Say Goodbye

Lorena had been enjoying a nice sleep, for once, on the couch next to Remus, who was snoring once again, when she learned of what had happened. The first thing she heard was a loud wail, and Lorena bolted up, shouting and disoriented. She grabbed her wand as fast as she could, accidentally pushing Remus off of the couch in the process, who had started yelling when she had started shouting.

"What's happening?!" Remus yelled at Lorena, not meaning to but because he'd already been yelling. They both heard another cry, and they turned their heads. Krystyna's head was bobbing in the fire, tears sliding down her cheeks at a rapid rate. Lorena jumped to her feet. "What's wrong?" Remus asked in a much calmer voice.

Krystyna choked on a sob and shook her head. Lorena looked at the clock and saw that it was around eight o'clock in the morning. She looked back at Krystyna, who had come fully and was standing in the living room; Krystyna was now sobbing.

"Krystyna..." Lorena suddenly knew what had happened. She suddenly knew why Krystyna was crying because there were only three things in the world that would break Krystyna down nowadays. She began to back up until she hit the wall, growing more deathly pale by the second. Her bottom lip began to tremble as she shook her head. "Krystyna, no, please tell me I'm not...please tell me they're not..."

Krystyna nodded her head and wailed. "V-Voldemort attacked their house last night. L-Lily and James are d-d-dead!"

Lorena put her hands to her mouth and slowly began to rock back and forth on the couch, whimpering. Tears were filling her eyes. Not Lily - not James - they couldn't be dead. It was just...impossible. Lily had...no, they weren't dead. This was a lie. This was a dream. This was a joke. A very bad lie - a very bad dream - a very horrible joke.

"No, no, no, no, no..." Lorena moaned, beginning to sob. James couldn't be dead because he was supposed to tease her and laugh at her. Lily couldn't be dead because she was supposed to comfort her and laugh with her. She shook her head, but Krystyna nodded her head. Lorena began to pace around the room. "No, they aren't dead! This is not true! They're alive! You're lying! They are alive. Voldemort didn't attack them last night. James and Lily are alive...Lily and James are...alive..."

"No, I'm sorry; it's true!" Krystyna cried out. "They're gone."

"No!" Lorena screamed, not wanting to believe Krystyna. She grabbed the closest thing she could get her hands on - a vase - and threw it at the Krystyna blindly. It hit the wall instead. Why was Krystyna telling her these lies? It was cruel and mean. What had she done to deserve this? "You're lying!" Lorena began to sink to the ground. Remus, tears freely falling down his face, got to his feet and walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. They both sank to the ground, and Lorena buried her face in his shirt. "No, no, no, this isn't happening. James and Lily...are...not...dead...they're...they're alive..."

"They've left us," Remus said quietly, pure despair filling up his voice and throat. Lorena didn't want to believe it; she just couldn't believe it. Sobs wreaked havoc on her chest and she shook. She just sobbed madly. She could feel something else in the way Remus held her - he felt angry, she could tell. Sirius had been James and Lily's...

"And Peter's dead, too." Krystyna's weak voice was soft, but Lorena heard it anyway. She tore away from Remus, who was staring at Krystyna, and she gaped at Krystyna with him, horrified. What had happened last night? Krystyna suddenly broke down. "Oh! Aurors took Sirius away, and they're going to put him on trial, but...you know it's not going to be fair! They keep saying he's a Death Eater! I don't know what to do! I don't what to do..." She trailed off into sobs.

"No, not Sirius," Remus pleaded.

Krystyna nodded her head." I watched him go last night - he said he was going to see Peter! And then, Scrimgeour came over earlier this morning to tell me what had happened. He said that Sirius b-blew up Peter! My gods - he couldn't do such a thing! I took Dahlia to Catherine's immediately and then-" She gestured wildly to the room around her.

"He betrayed them," Remus murmured softly to the floor. "He betrayed us."

"No!" Krystyna shrieked at him. Remus flinched; Lorena began to cry again. "He didn't do it! Sirius would die before he betrayed James, Lily, and Harry! He'd never do it in a million years! He wouldn't do it for the world!" Remus frowned at her and stood up. Lorena fell onto the ground and let her tears soak into the carpet. She grasped at the carpet, as if it would keep her grounded and wouldn't let her slip off of what little foundation she had beneath her. "Sirius loved them! He did not do this! He is not a Death Eater; he is not a spy; he did not betray anyone; and he did not kill anyone!"

"So I suppose the information just popped into Voldemort's head one night; and he killed them and Peter just died for no apparent reason?" Remus retorted viciously. How could Sirius do such a thing? They had trusted him. He had been their friend! Krystyna glared at him heatedly. "Maybe Peter's heart just stopped all of a sudden or he just imploded, is that it?! No, Krystyna, it didn't; and you know exactly what has happened. Face it: Sirius is a Death Eater; and he's going to spend the rest of his life rotting in Azkaban!"

"No!" Krystyna shouted. "Sirius didn't do anything! He was framed!"

"There's no possible way he could have been framed!" Remus declared angrily. Sirius had done this; it was his fault. He had lied to them all; he had deceived them all. Krystyna should be the angriest of them all, but here she was, defending him. He had tricked her the most--and they had a daughter, Dahlia, at home. "I don't want to believe it either - Sirius was one of my best friends! But there's no denying now that this has happened. Sirius is a Dark wizard."

"Never!" Krystyna shouted. "He would never do this!"

"Well, I'm sorry to tell you, but he did!"

"STOP IT, PLEASE!" Lorena screamed, sobbing horribly. She felt really sick. This was all too much for her right now. Lily, James, and Peter were dead; and Sirius was a Death Eater. She pulled herself to her feet with the help of the back of the couch. Her head was pounding. When? How? Why? She put her hand to her mouth, but it didn't help any. She dashed to the bathroom and threw up until there was nothing left in her stomach. She collapsed onto her knees with her hands on the rim of the toilet. She was shaking; she felt so sick, so desolate, and so angry.

Remus walked up behind her (she saw his reflection in the mirror); he looked decidedly guilty. He put his hands on her shoulder, and she began to cry again. Krystyna leaned against the threshold and wiped her eyes again, sniffing. She took a deep, shuddering breath.

"We have to meet Dumbledore in Courtroom Ten at the Ministry of Magic," Krystyna said, sounding miserable. Krystyna put a hand on her head and turned away. She broke down once again and walked away. Lorena tried to refrain herself from crying as she pulled her head up. She combed her fingers through her hair and tried to compose herself.

"Let's g-go," Lorena stammered. "We h-have to get there as s-soon as p-possible."

Lorena pulled herself to her feet, and Remus hugged her tightly, like he needed some confirmation that she wouldn't just leave him, too. He was crying; Lorena could hear him as they swayed back and forth. He pulled away - just a little - and looked her in the eyes.

"Do you think...Sirius...betrayed us?" Remus asked her softly. Lorena bit her lip and pulled away from Remus. She turned around and wrapped her arms around herself securely. She looked down at the floor and realized that it wasn't that interesting after all.

Was Krystyna right? Or was she just saying Sirius was innocent because she loved him so much? Had Sirius betrayed them? Was Sirius a Death Eater? Lorena shuddered involuntarily. If he was a Death Eater, had he been in on the ambush or Sara's kidnapping? Would he have stopped...? Lorena closed her eyes and tears seeped out from underneath her eyelids. She didn't know what to think, honestly.

"I...don't know," Lorena answered him. She felt him wrap his arms around her waist and lay his head on the back of her shoulder. She laid her head against his. "Maybe Sirius, you know, told Krystyna something that makes her believe in his innocence."

"I can't believe..."

"James and Lily are gone." Lorena realized that this realization hurt worse than any Cruciatus Curse she had ever experienced. It hurt even worse than what had happened that night eight months ago. That was just a memory and felt like nothing compared to this. She'd been hurt that night, but today, people had been lost to them forever.

Harry had no parents. Krystyna had no husband. Dahlia had no father. Lorena lost her conscience, her sister, and her great friend. Remus had lost all of his schoolboy friends, his brothers, all of them in one night. Deep down, Lorena felt as if she had lost herself, too.

They Apparated to the Ministry of Magic, Krystyna set on saving Sirius from his inevitable doom; Remus fuming with anger, misery, and confusion; and Lorena just trying to figure out what went wrong.

To Lorena, it felt as if the world was falling apart piece by piece.

~*~

It was a monster; that's what it was. This entire thing was a monster; and here she was, smack dab in the middle of it all. She could feel herself being pushed and pulled, grabbed at and backed away from. She fought a scream in her throat and then a sob in her chest. It was all too much. The monster was taking her away, and she couldn't fight it. She just kept falling, deeper and deeper until she could go no more. It was not her; yet it was inside of her. And it was fighting to get out - the anger and grief - all at once.

"On the charges of the murder of twelve innocent Muggle bystanders, the horrendous murder of Peter Pettigrew, and being a Death Eater in You-Know-Who's council, Sirius Thomas Black, I hereby declare that you are sentenced to life in Azkaban!"

Bartemius Crouch was the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Lorena knew him because she'd been personally reviewed by him before she was allowed into the WADA. She'd been told that he didn't normally do such things because it took time out of his already busy schedule, but Lorena supposed it was because she came from a family that spit out Dark wizards and witches left and right, also her uncle and cousin. She knew that Crouch was cruel when dishing punishments for Death Eaters and any type of Voldemort supporters, but this - no, this was much too close for her to handle this time. She'd seen what had happened to Rookwood; before she'd even had the chance to prosecute him, Crouch had thrown him into Azkaban (not that that bothered her much). But this was Sirius, and it just couldn't be right this time around.

From somewhere, Lorena heard a high-pitched scream: "NO!" And then a loud sob was carried throughout the entire room. Only a few reporters paid attention to the scream and sobs; they turned their heads to the source. No lawyers or law enforcement officials paid any attention to it.

Lorena did, however, and she swivelled her head around to see Krystyna collapsing against Remus. But Remus didn't stop her fall very well - he gave a panicked yelp - and she appeared to have fallen to the ground, though her sobs were still heard very clearly. Lorena felt as if her heart had been torn right out of her chest. She shouldn't be here; she should be up there, comforting a broken Krystyna. Instead, Lorena was standing underneath them.

All people that had something to do with the Magical Law Enforcement Department were forced to stand on the first floor where Sirius was being held and where his hasty and deafening trial was being held. All "spectators" had been forced to stand and watch from the above level that looked over the room. It was horrible, the way they had set the place up, Lorena had always thought.

"He's innocent! He's innocent!" Krystyna's voice was loud and shaking with sobs, but it seemed so clear to Lorena, who had begun to shake. It was too much. "Don't take him away! Don't take him away!"

"Who is Sirius Black to you, ma'am? Did you know him personally?" The obnoxious voice of a reporter danced through Lorena's ears, and she felt a wave of fury flow through her. Didn't they know who they were talking to? That was Sirius's wife! That was her friend! That was one of the best women alive they were talking to, prodding her with their heartless questions when she was so heartbroken now! She felt like punching them until they had some sense knocked into them.

"LEAVE HER ALONE!"

Lorena's mouth was open, but the voice was not her own. She closed her mouth and blinked, confused. It was only when she turned around did she realize that Sirius had been the one to shout it. An unidentifiable emotion flowed through Lorena. Sirius was struggling with a pair of Aurors that were dragging him away; he was kicking and screaming, but his eyes were locked on the spot where Krystyna and Remus stood. Lorena could see the love, fear, and grief in them, and doubt filled her mind.

Where those the eyes of a heartless Death Eater who was about to be thrown into Azkaban for life?

No, they aren't, Lorena thought, despite herself. Sirius was being hauled away to Azkaban for the rest of his life, but he was not thinking of himself; he was thinking of Krystyna, his wife and mother of his child. Suddenly, it felt as if two giant hands shoved Lorena through the crowd as she pushed her way up to the front, snapping at anyone who tried to stop her. She knew without a doubt that Crouch would never deter from his decision no matter what; he was a cruel man that dealt harsh punishments without a second thought ever again. She only had one faint chance; she had to go higher up, somehow overrule Crouch. A constricting feeling in her chest told her to stop, told her that she'd lose her job, but it didn't matter anymore; her life was already being demolished. She couldn't let Krystyna live like this.

When Lorena reached the front, people were clawing at her robes to pull her back, but she swung her fist around at them furiously. She spun around and jumped over the barriers. The Aurors leaped at her, but having been accustomed to dodging these days, she slipped passed and reached the Minister of Magic, Daniel Jacobs.

"Minister, Sirius Black needs a decent trial! This is totally biased and out of the question!" Lorena gasped loudly. Jacobs turned around to face her with cold black eyes. She stumbled back a little, startled by this new look of his. "You're the only one that can stop this indecency."

"Sirius Black is a cold-blooded murderer," Jacobs said calmly. Lorena's rage got the best of her. It suddenly didn't matter that he was the Minister of Magic - that she would probably get thrown in Azkaban for harassing him - or that she was only making the situation worse for herself; right now, all that mattered was Krystyna and Sirius. She grabbed Jacobs by his collar and jerked him towards her. He did nothing but wave his Aurors off. He was mocking her! Well, she'd show him. She put her face an inch from his.

"Have you rolled up his sleeve? Is the Dark Mark there?" Lorena demanded. Jacobs pursed his lips, but the look in his eyes betrayed him. She knew he hadn't done a single thing except watch Crouch condemn Sirius to a life of imprisonment. "A Death Eater must have the Dark Mark on their arm. That is the only way; Voldemort wouldn't have it any other way!"

Everyone around her that heard her say "Voldemort" winced at the name. Jacobs winced, but he put a tight hand on Lorena's wrist, glaring at her right back. "And how, my dear, would you know that?" he asked her coolly. That was definitely an interesting question. Reporters twirled around to face them; there was a shine of greedy eager in all of their eyes.

"I think you know already; I have grown up in a society where children are bred to be Death Eaters," Lorena hissed. Her grip on his collar tightened. Her eyes narrowed dangerously at her, as if she was the true Death Eater, not Sirius. "The best way to be able to distinguish a Dark wizard is if you are one or if you were taught by them. My family is full of Dark wizards and Death Eaters. It was my duty to know such things. It is only because I refused them that I have been targeted too many times by Voldemort's bloody Death Eaters. I've seen their Marks plenty of times myself."

"Firsthand experience is the best," Jacobs said without a hint of emotion in his voice.

"Exactly, and I have to know your decision is very wrong," Lorena said coldly. "Sirius Black" - she jabbed her finger at Sirius, who was still being dragged away and putting up a great fight - "is not a Death Eater. He is innocent. He deserves a fair trial. Everyone deserves a fair trial."

Jacobs got even closer to her. "Tell me," he said in barely a whisper, "did the countless of Death Eaters we caught deserve fair trials? Did your uncle and cousin deserve a fair trial?"

He knew! How did he know?

"You know!" Lorena gasped, letting go of him and backing away from him. Her eyes were wide with shock. This was just so much for her to handle at one time. Jacobs gave her a look that appeared to be a sneer. He was mocking her again? They all were mocking her - mocking the Truth of it all. "How do you-?"

"Lucius told me," Jacobs explained, interrupting her. She returned her hard glare.

"You stupid man," Lorena spat. He raised his eyebrows. He was obviously not used to being defied and fought with now that he was the Minister. "You consort with the guilty, yet you throw away the innocent? Would you rather associate with a Dark wizard than save a Light wizard?" When Jacobs said nothing, she clenched her fists tightly around her wand. "Malfoy is no longer my cousin; he's nothing but a troublesome Dark wizard - he's a Death Eater."

"You obviously don't know him well enough," Jacobs had the gall to comment. "You have separated from him. How would you know?"

"I lived with him my entire life! I have to know him well!" Lorena hissed furiously. She knew she was red in the face by now. This man that called himself the Minister of Magic was a stupid idiot. Who did he think she was? He didn't know her! He didn't know anyone! He didn't care about anyone but himself. She had tears in her eyes by now.

"I know that man out there; and he is not the man that you are accusing him to be!" she exclaimed, her voice cracking with emotion. She tried to calm herself down, but it didn't work. He gave her an appraising look, but that was all. She growled in frustration. "Sirius Black is innocent. Please, sir, I beg of you, tell Crouch to give him a fair trial! Sirius deserves a fair trial; I know him. You're breaking a woman! You're making a poor girl live a life without the father she'll never know - but she deserves to know! This is not fair of Crouch or you!"

"Life is not fair, Miss Malfoy!"

"I don't care if life is not fair or not! This trial should be fair! This is a place of justice, but this is so...corrupt that it makes me sick. You are not only letting Crouch send an innocent man to Azkaban, but you are letting him destroy lives, too! Think about his wife and child and not your stupid politics!" Lorena screamed right back. "And my name is not and never will be Malfoy! It is..."

"Lost everything you have, haven't you?" Jacobs sneered. Lorena gaped at him; she wanted to punch him so badly as of this moment. This was beyond mocking. He didn't care about Sirius, Krystyna, or Dahlia. All he cared about was himself and to keep his position as Minister of Magic. Lorena cursed the greed of the world and silently thought that this bloke would fit quite nicely with Voldemort. "You've lost almost everything; and now, you don't want your friend to lose everything, too. Are you willing to sacrifice your job? I won't lie; I feel no pity for you. Sirius Black will go to Azkaban and that is that."

"Curse you!" Lorena shouted exasperatedly. "You disgust me! A Minister of Magic should be given that title because the he or she is willing to do whatever it takes to better this world for all Wizarding folk and make sure that everyone is treated fairly! You are not supposed to deal with things because of your own bias towards certain things, such as this! You sicken me! All of you sicken me!"

Jacobs just sneered at her. He'd been around Lucius Malfoy far too long for his own good. It was just all too much for Lorena to handle, and she lost it. She slapped him with all her might and couldn't help but feel guilty that she didn't punch him instead. He swore at her, but when the Aurors advanced on her (she could care less about them right now), he waved them off yet again. He was holding a hand to his cheek.

Then, abruptly, Jacobs grabbed her front. He jerked her, and she bumped into him. Lorena didn't even hear herself gasp; she was so startled. She stared at him in horror; he looked terrifying. He gave her the distinct impression of Rodolphus Lestrange, and Lorena bowed her head and whimpered in his grip now. There were too many similarities between now and then.

"You shouldn't have done that," Jacobs growled. "Do you want to go to Azkaban with Sirius Black? I can arrange it, if you like. The Dementors would love to suck that spunk and remaining happiness out of you."

Lorena tried to get away, but couldn't. It was too much again. She wanted out - out of this chaos - out of this mess - out of this monster that was taking them all away from good - out of his grip - out of the memory - out of this depression that was slowly setting in on her heart - out of her guilt - out of just every problem she had right now. Lorena pulled her head up and looked into Jacobs's cold eyes.

"What happiness?" she choked out. He stared at her. She could feel tears stinging her eyes and she did not do anything to stop them this time. "He's innocent," she whispered, now pleading with him. "Please, allow a fair trial. I-I'll cover all of the costs; I'll even defend Sirius Black myself. I'll do everything to set this up. Just - please - allow this for his wife and for his little girl, override Crouch for once only. They deserve the Truth."

"The Truth is that Sirius Black is a Death Eater for You-Know-Who and will spend the rest of his life behind the bars of Azkaban," Jacobs told her flatly.

"But that is not the Truth!" Lorena protested stubbornly. He glared at her. He still had a hold on her, but she didn't care anymore. This was not about her. This was about Sirius's freedom, Krystyna's joy, Dahlia's life, and Remus's misery. She could care less about herself at this moment. It was not about her. It was not about Jacobs. It was about them.

"There is no other way!" Jacobs told her. "That horrendous man out there killed thirteen people; we have witnesses! He murdered a friend of yours, too! Or do you not remember that either? He killed Peter Pettigrew in cold blood!"

"Maybe Peter framed him!" Lorena retorted, half in mind to say she was crazy and the other half to believe herself. Anything could be right and the Truth today.

"How could he have? That mad man blew him up to pieces! We only have a finger left!"

"He could've cut it off and then - and then blown up the street behind him and Disapparated! He could've done just that!" Lorena cried out, thinking herself halfway insane by now. "Sirius Black was anything but a Dark wizard! He grew up the same way I did! He detested it all! He would not become something he so greatly disgusted! He would not follow in his worst enemies' footsteps!"

"And Peter Pettigrew would?" Jacobs challenged.

"Peter was a fool!" Lorena cried, tears streaked down her face. "I don't want to believe that either, but even if he was all that, I'd want him to have a fair trial, too. But he worshipped James Potter and Sirius. He would do anything for them, but he was tired of living in their shadows. He wanted more than being known as the boy that followed James and Sirius. He wanted to be known. He wanted money. He wanted power."

Lorena knew that she sounded pathetic, but she continued anyway. She again pointed a finger at Sirius, who had escaped his Auror captors once and was now being cornered by Dementors. Everyone moved back and Lorena was yanked away from them by Jacobs.

"That is not what Sirius wanted. Sirius had everything he wanted. He was known. He had the best friend any bloke could have. He had great friends. He had a loving wife and a beautiful daughter. He had a warm home and a very good-paying job. He had everything anyone could have wanted. He was the happiest man on earth." Lorena sniffed and looked up at where Krystyna and Remus were. Reporters were still bugging them, but Remus was now effectively shooing them away. Krystyna was sobbing like mad, and it appeared as if she could not stop. "He wouldn't have given all that away to Voldemort. He wouldn't have done something like that and leave everything he worked for behind. Sirius was not that. Sirius is not who you say he is."

"You were friends with him," Jacobs pointed out calmly. "This factor blinds you. You just don't know what to think because you were so close to him. You thought you knew him."

"I know who Sirius Black is!" Lorena bit back. "And the Sirius Black I know deserves a fair trial! For his wife and child, please, I beg of you, please!"

Jacobs thought about it, and then, "No." Lorena opened her mouth to berate him, when he lifted his hand up and continued, "Black is the worst criminal of his kind. I have never heard of such a thing. You did not see the pictures of the scene. He laughed all the way here. He did this. He's a Death Eater. You're going to have to admit it sooner or later, Miss...Lorena."

Lorena jerked herself out of his grip and stared at him in terror and in fury, shaking. His calm voice just reminded her way too much of the way Rodolphus Lestrange had talked to her. Jacobs didn't realize what he had done, but he had released way too many things all at once. She'd forced herself to forget, but it all came back when she was told of Sirius's impending doom.

Lorena backed away from Jacobs more and more, and he watched her leave. She heard a choked scream, and she swivelled around to see that the Dementors grabbed hold of Sirius by his arms. Krystyna gave one more piercing shriek; Remus shouted something loudly. Krystyna had nearly fallen off the balcony (Sirius had yelled her name, even under the Dementors' draining power), but Remus had caught her. Sirius turned his head and locked eyes with Lorena. She suddenly felt very bare.

And everything was going in slow motion. Lorena could see Sirius mouthing the words, "Take care of Krystyna and Dahlia for me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't do it."

Lorena couldn't help but nod her head with tears in her eyes and also mouth, "I'm sorry I can't do anything. I'm sorry I'm so lousy. I will take care of them. I'm sorry. I'm sorry James is gone." And though neither could be exactly sure what the other had mouthed, there was an understanding in the air between them. It was an understanding that would haunt Lorena for the rest of her life, one that she didn't exactly want or welcome with open arms.

Sirius had tears slipping out of his dark green eyes. Those were not the eyes of a guilty Death Eater or of an evil murderer or of a terrible betrayer of trust. Those were grief-ridden innocent eyes. Lorena could hear Krystyna groaning Sirius's name over and over again, even with all the noise. Lorena put her hands on the side of her head and looked down; her head was pounding with all this noise and disarray. She wished it would just all stop and leave her alone.

"I'm innocent! I'm innocent!" Sirius was moaning, the Dementors' draining power getting the better of him now. "I didn't do those things! It was Peter! It was Peter! I would never do such a thing! I would never betray James and Lily! It was Peter! He did it!" He was being dragged through double doors. "Krystyna, please, believe me! I love you and I'd never want to leave you or Dahlia! Believe me! Peter's a--"

And Sirius Black was gone. The double doors shut and sealed themselves magically.

"No, no, no, Sirius!" Krystyna moaned loudly. She stopped screaming and started to sob very loudly. She rubbed her face into Remus's robes and cried as he stood there, gaping at the doors, shocked. Lorena looked up at them with tears in her eyes. She saw that Albus Dumbledore stood beside them now. He was saying something, and Krystyna wailed, throwing herself at him and crying into his robes. Dumbledore patted her on the back and said something else.

Their great number of seven friends had been diminished to a meek three in a matter of hours. It had been the four of them - Lily Evans, Krystyna Melanie, Sara Whitefield, and Lorena Fawcett. Lily was the genius in Charms and so pretty and sweet. Krystyna was the calculating and cheering up one. Sara was the calm and collected one that kept them all in line. And she, Lorena, was the irrational, temperamental, and stubborn one that kept them all on their toes. They were four of a kind.

It had been four of them - James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. James was the genius of pranks and egotistic prat at times. Sirius was the handsome, charming and mischievous boy that made girls swoon and faint. Remus was the studious, quiet one that kept them in line to a point and had a soft heart. And Peter was the quiet, feeble one that needed help sometimes, but reminded all three boys that they had to help others and be kind. They were four of a kind.

Who knew that one day they would be the perfect pair? Was it fate that brought the two groups - that had seemed to dislike each other - together? Or was it something much deeper than that? Was it something that would one day save this world from the sure destruction it was heading to - from the Darkness it was falling into? Perhaps they had all become one group, one family, to form a new generation that would one day save the world from everything that it had became and would become.

Remus looked down and connected eyes with Lorena. There was raw pain in Remus's amber eyes, and she felt a deep remorse flow through her. Reporters were yelling questions at her, pushing quills to parchment, but she paid them no mind; she couldn't even hear them now. This was wrong. Everything that had happened right now was wrong. She turned around and connected eyes with Barty Crouch. She glared at him, but she saw no regret or shame in his eyes. It sickened her.

"Get out of my way," Lorena snapped, shoving her way through the mob of reporters, Aurors, and lawyers to head for the two large doors that gave her freedom from this room at least. They allowed her to pass through them, but they followed her, questioning after her relentlessly. She ignored them all easily, too worn down to yell or swear at them to stop and leave her alone.

In the back of Lorena's mind, she knew that she was going to go through more than just that one bottle of Firewhiskey in the drawer of her desk. She pushed the doors open and ran out of the room. She needed fresh air; that's what she needed. She needed the freedom Sirius had been so wrongly denied.

She ran right passed the elevator and dashed up the stairs instead. She didn't hear Remus shouting after her or Dumbledore telling him that she needed to be alone for a while to come to grips with all of this. All she could hear was the blood thumping in her eardrum. She ran through the Atrium, ignoring a few other people asking her what was wrong (she had tears streaking down her face now). She Apparated and collapsed onto the grass as soon as she felt ground underneath her feet.

Nothing mattered right now. She didn't even know where she was, but she didn't care anymore. She lay on the ground, crying loudly and grabbing at the grass. She pulled some up and shouted, "He's innocent! He doesn't deserve this! Krystyna needs her caring husband! Dahlia needs her wonderful father! I need my friend back... I need my friends back..."

Lorena never noticed that she'd Apparated to Hogsmeade, somewhere close to the Shrieking Shack.

~*~

Lorena had always hated funerals. She'd been to her share over the years.

She remembered being punished after she'd cried that she hadn't wanted to see her grandfather's old, stinky body at the visitation. She remembered people bursting into tears or blowing into their white handkerchiefs randomly, almost making her jump out of her shoes and socks; she especially remembered the heavy feeling of depression. The last funeral she had been to had not been any more pleasant than the first she'd attended at the young age of six.

And it wasn't like she wanted to go. If anything, Lorena wanted to stay in bed and sleep the hours and pain away. She hadn't wanted to get up this morning. She'd woken up at five in the morning, thinking of how she never wanted to get out of bed or eat ever again. But this wasn't her day. Never was it her day anymore. She had to be there for Krystyna.

So Lorena had dragged herself out of bed and thrown herself in a cold shower. No matter how much she turned on the handle, the water never seemed to be able to get hot. She had just let the water splash against her and thought about how much she wished Lily could be here to slap her out of this pathetic state. Lily had helped her cope with the attack eight months ago; if it hadn't been for Lily, Lorena was sure that she would never have made it. She couldn't be more grateful.

And so, as Lorena stared at her reflection in the mirror while she slowly brushed her hair, she wondered how everyone else was coping with the deaths of James, Lily, and Peter and the incarceration of Sirius in less than one day's time.

{I call upon the angels to hear my crying voice.}

Krystyna had already had a mental breakdown. Luckily, Lorena hadn't been there to see it; she was sure that she would've gone into shock or would've also had a breakdown if she saw it. Remus had been there; and it had shaken him very badly. Now, Krystyna and Dahlia were staying at Lorena's house because none of them could stand the thought of Krystyna staying at her home alone. She couldn't sleep in that bed; she had been betrayed the most, but she still remained in that shred of hopeful light. She stuck to her story that Sirius was innocent, but as the weeks had passed, Lorena had been feeling less and less sure of his innocence.

Remus was grieving by himself. He never said anything about it to Lorena and never did any crying around her, but she knew he was doing it. He'd never grieve in public yet, not yet. She could see it in his eyes that he was miserable, but he kept silent about it. He was always over, comforting Krystyna. He kept telling Lorena that he'd be there for her if she ever felt the need to cry, but...she never did.

Lorena had long ago accepted the fact that she was unlike other girls. She didn't cry much. There had only been four instances where she had cried in her life. She had never cried when she got punished, even though everyone in the family had always cried when punished. She bottled up her emotions and kept them to herself, or she numbed the pain by withdrawing herself from the world. At the moment, she was doing both, it seemed. She had been waiting to burst into tears any day now, but there hadn't been so much as a hint yet that she was going to start sobbing on the spot. Not a single hint.

She was crying on the inside, that's what she told herself. She could feel herself unravelling, but she never did anything about it. All she did was simply let it be; that's how it would always be. Sure, she supposed she was crying - just not out loud for everyone to hear.

In a bathrobe, Lorena had sat on her bed with combed, wet hair. She had just sat on her bed, trying to think about the good days. She sometimes smiled when she remembered a particularly funny memory with Lily and James. And then she remembered how James had been after Lily for so long, and it had nearly driven Lily to the brink of insanity sometimes.

Lorena remembered the way Sirius would start to become nervous when talking to Krystyna when he could remain in a cool composure with any other girl and how Krystyna would swell with anger when she saw him teasing some other student. Lorena smiled sadly when she remembered Krystyna practically tackling James when he almost took Severus Snape's underwear off in their fifth year. Sirius had been rolling on the ground with laughter, and poor Snape had been left hanging upside down, shouting a string of curses. She had been with Sirius, guffawing, not at Snape but at James, while Lily seethed; Sara rolled her eyes; Peter looked worried; and Remus merely continued reading his book.

But most of all, Lorena remembered the first she time had ever met Sirius Black when he was seven and she six. It had been a dinner meeting with her father and his father; her father had forced her and Allen to go with him. Sirius had been well-mannered; although he had shot his father glares a few times, while she had accidentally fallen asleep at the table, causing uproar from her father. Sirius had laughed when she had unknowingly stuck her elbow in her mashed potatoes.

Lorena could remember the first time she met Krystyna. Lorena had been six and at the Malfoy Manor, playing tag with Lucius and Antonin Dolohov when Mr. Melanie and Mrs. Melanie had come to the Manor with a seven year-old Krystyna and a five year-old Andrew for dinner. Lorena had excitedly run over to Krystyna, asking her to play tag with them (she'd never had another girl around to play with). Krystyna had been shocked at the sight of Lorena bouncing up and down and had reprimanded her on such behaviour. She, being the rowdy girl she was, had shrugged her shoulders, grabbed her wrist, and pulled her away. Lorena remembered being punished later that night and the next day.

The first time Lorena had met Lily was on the Hogwarts Express for her first year. It was still a very clear memory and had been permanently stuck in her mind for all eternity. That had been the day she had decided that she would never be able to be like Marcus and the rest of her family.

~*~

Lorena was still ten and felt very nervous about that. Would she be the only ten year-old in Hogwarts, besides her twin? Her cousin, Lucius, was eleven and said that you were supposed to get your letters when you were eleven. Her parents had said she and Allen were exceptions, but had refused to tell her why. What House would she get sorted into? Would she get into Slytherin like everyone wanted? That's all they told her about. They had all said that that was the House to be in - "Slytherin this and Slytherin that." She was half in mind to want to get into Gryffindor just to peeve them. They were driving her insane. What would they do if she did get sorted into Gryffindor? She began to panic.

The compartment door suddenly opened. Lorena looked that way sharply. She'd been alone for the past ten minutes and had liked the silence very much. She'd just now started to like being alone. There, in the doorway, stood a small red-haired girl, toting a small pack. She looked tired.

"May I sit in here?" the red-haired girl asked politely. The redhead seemed nice enough to Lorena. "There aren't any more compartments, and I just got thrown out of one..."

"You got thrown out of one?" Lorena asked quickly. She'd never heard of such a thing. Marcus hadn't told her about people getting thrown out of compartments on the Hogwarts Express. The redhead just nodded her head, and Lorena beckoned her inside the compartment. The redhead shut the door and sat down from across Lorena. "Do you know who they were?"

The girl shook her red-haired head. "No, but I think I saw a green patch on their robes," she said, sounding like it didn't matter. She even shrugged her shoulders after sitting down across from Lorena. "They called me - um, what was it? - a Mudblood, I think, and then threw me out."

"Slytherins," Lorena mumbled. And suddenly, Lorena felt a dislike of Slytherins and didn't want to get sorted into their House. While the redhead seemed confused, Lorena knew what the word Mudblood meant, and it sickened her. Her entire family used it flippantly, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. Her parents had called it a weakness, some sort of soft spot, in her. She had gotten punished after she'd retorted, saying it was her humanity.

"Oh, you think?" the redhead replied curiously. "That's right; aren't their House colours green and silver? I read it in a book I saw at Diagon Alley. That's a very fascinating place!"

"I heard Hogsmeade is better, but we won't get to go there until third year," Lorena sighed. There was a bout of silence, but Lorena was used to that.

"I'm Lily Evans, by the way," the redhead blurted, holding out her hand. Lorena looked at the redhead's hand and then thought of what she should do. Her parents would lock her up if they saw her now. She knew that this Lily Evans girl was a Muggle-born; and it was against every rule that Lorena had been brought up upon to consort with Lily. She'd break everything she'd been taught if she shook Lily's hand. This seemed to resolve the problem.

"Lorena Fawcett." And Lorena shook Lily's hand with a vengeance as she thought, Take that, mum! I hope I get contaminated, dad!

~*~

Lorena smiled at the memory. By just shaking Lily's hand, Lorena's life had been changed. Lily had made a gigantic impact on Lorena's life and had changed her life permanently. If it had not been for Lily, Lorena was sure that she would've been a Death Eater right now and married to Severus Snape (which her parents had tried to do). Lily had changed the course of Lorena's life.

Lorena's first encounter with James had been a humorous one. She had been five and he had been six. She was with her mother in Diagon Alley, shopping, and he had been with his mother, also shopping. He'd been running around the store when he'd bumped into her. He had wanted to explore the store, but had wanted her to come, too. After a bit of convincing, she had snuck away from her mother to explore with him. It had been loads of fun, sneaking around both of their parents until the manager had caught them and taken them back to their mothers. Her mother had nearly died of shock when she found out that her little girl had been cavorting around the store with none other than James Potter.

Lorena took a deep shuddering deep breath. She hadn't met Peter until after they'd both been sorted into Gryffindor. They'd both got lost on their first night at Hogwarts together after getting separated from the rest of the Gryffindors and then had been chased around the castle by a few older Slytherins, only escaping because Lorena already knew a few hexes. Marcus, already furious that she was in Gryffindor, had dealt with her the next morning on hearing this bit of news.

{Knowing that leaving here was not even your choice.}

Lorena collapsed onto her bed. She didn't want to go to this funeral. What was point of just saying goodbye to someone that was already dead and couldn't hear you? What was the point of complimenting a person and talking about a person that would never hear what you had to say? It was meaningless. Whoever came up with the idea of a funeral was an idiot; she was sure about it.

However, hours later, Lorena found herself at the cramped funeral home. Everyone was crying or sniffing. Lorena felt really out of place. Remus had a few tears falling down his face, and he wiped at them; he was trying his best to stay strong and keep a steady voice as he talked to Frank Longbottom, an Auror and good friend that had worked with James and Krystyna. Krystyna's older sister-in-law, Catherine Banks-Melanie, was in the corner, trying to soothe and holding a whimpering Krystyna, who had begun to cry as soon as she had woke up. Both of the women had tears slipping down their faces. Everyone was so sad and crying. Lorena felt awkward; she was the only one that appeared to not be crying. She didn't even have teary eyes.

So Lorena walked into the silent restroom. She sighed and took her robe off. She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. What was she doing here? She couldn't possibly help Krystyna or Remus any; she would just be a hindrance in their recuperation. She wanted to cry - she really did - but she just couldn't. She couldn't cry right now for the life of her. Other emotions were getting in the way.

{A world flooded by tears.}

She wasn't the only one that wasn't crying, really. But she was the only one that actually cared about Lily and James that wasn't crying. Lily's sister, Petunia, had come to the funeral without her husband, son, and most noted, without young Harry. Lorena felt a rush of resentment towards Petunia Dursley. The wretched woman had not brought Harry. It was Harry's parents! Lorena fumed like a child, but she could care less right now. Petunia wasn't crying, but she wasn't looking remarkably upset either. She wasn't even trying to look distressed by her sister's death! She had a look that read "I knew it" all over her face. Why was Miss High and Dry here anyway if she didn't have any respect for the people that had passed away?

This brought up something else in Lorena: Helplessness. She felt powerless when it came to young Harry's position at the moment. She'd heard from the gossip train at work that Harry was now living under the Dursley household, a Muggle household. Lorena didn't want Harry to be raised by Petunia and her Muggle husband, What's-His-Name Dursley. She knew they weren't the nicest of people, especially towards Magic folk and poor Harry was just that. He'd be treated like a house elf for sure.

Harry didn't deserve it. Lily and James hadn't deserved this. They had all deserved wonderful, happy lives. Harry ought to have had his parents with him before he went off to Hogwarts. He was supposed to be taught Quidditch by James; humbleness and logic by Lily; how to deal with girls by Sirius; how to keep your chin up by Sara; how to read huge books by Remus; why you shouldn't hex people by Krystyna; and a few good hexes by herself. James was supposed to be one of the greatest Aurors in history, and Lily was supposed to do something wonderful and great in her mysterious work as an Unspeakable. That was how it was supposed to be, but that had been shattered as of a few weeks ago. And now, Harry would never know his parents.

{A child crying at night, not knowing that he lost his parents.}

Voldemort had murdered Lily and James Potter and then had disappeared. The world had come off its hinges and had been tossed around like a bouncy ball. Suddenly, chaos had arisen. Death Eaters were in a frenzy and being caught easily. Others were coming out, saying they were under the Imperius Curse, one of which Lorena noted with disgust was Lucius Malfoy. The last fight of this war between Dark and Light had been the worst of them all, it seemed.

{In the last painful fight.}

The bells of the old church suddenly chimed, signalling that it was time. It was time to put them to rest forever. Lorena slipped out of the restroom and found Remus almost immediately. He was rubbing at his eyes again. She hugged him tightly without saying anything to him; and he knew that she needed comfort right now.

Dumbledore was the one who was giving a speech on James and Lily as the caskets were being lowered into the hole in the ground. Lorena always found it ironic that they put people underground - down - when their spirits went to heaven - up. She said nothing of this though and barely listened to the most likely great speech Dumbledore was giving.

{And the angels are crying.}

It was windy and leaves were blowing around them everywhere. Lorena tugged on her coat and wrapped her arms around herself. Her head was cold because Remus had his face in her hair, and he had tears now rapidly flowing out of his eyes; he was getting her hair soaked, but she could care less. He also had his arms wrapped around Lorena comfortingly; he squeezed her tightly when the caskets were set fully into their permanent graves.

Lorena felt her throat tightening. She didn't want to say goodbye; she couldn't say goodbye. This wasn't right; it was all so wrong. She wasn't ready to let them go. This shouldn't be happening. She couldn't do this to them. She simply stared down at Lily's white coffin. Lorena could feel Remus shaking a little now, and it was not from the biting wind. His tears were coming out more now; and she grabbed his hand, squeezing it.

Lorena took something out of her pocket. She held it out in front of her, and the wind nearly took it out of her hands. Lorena grasped it more tightly and ignored the pain. In her hand was a single dark pink rose. She bent down slowly and set it on the coffin. A dark pink rose meant admiration and appreciation. Lorena would always admire Lily for her brilliance, strength, ability to love with all her heart. She would always appreciate Lily for saving her - for redeeming her before it was too late. She had never had the chance to get out of debt for that with Lily.

Lorena didn't want to say goodbye. She just couldn't bring herself to it. James had teased her, but he had made her laugh so much. He had brightened the dark days of her seventh year and after that. She never wanted to say goodbye to them.

{And you know I would be lying if I said I was over you two.}

Lorena looked over at Krystyna and felt guilt and remorse attack her soul. Krystyna was wearing the black coat that Sirius had bought her when they were in their seventh year; it still fit her perfectly, and it was her favourite coat. She was standing alone and away from everyone, as if no one wanted to stand beside her. Lorena had tried, but Krystyna had pushed her away, telling her to stay beside Remus. Still, Lorena felt the urge to hug Krystyna, who was looking so forlorn and hurt. She had her arms wrapped around her waist, strands of her black hair whipping her in the face, and silent tears sliding down her face as she looked onward. She looked beautiful, like a fragile porcelain doll, really.

{He's choking on a sob. She's weeping and so frail.}

And Lily and James were lost to them forever.

~*~

Lorena drained the last bit of the flask of Firewhiskey that same night. She tossed it in the trash and made it. It was a loud noise, but it only caused a slight stir from Remus, who was sleeping on the couch again. He'd had a little too much; he couldn't really handle Firewhiskey that well. He'd had near ten tiny sips of it and then passed out onto the couch.

It's not like he was going to go home tonight anyways, Lorena thought with a shrug. She had gone through two bottles of it tonight. She stood up calmly and walked through the hall.

{The last is draining a drink. We're reaping from betrayal.}

When Lorena was in front of the guest bedroom door, she stopped. She looked at the door. Krystyna was inside, sleeping, with Dahlia sound asleep in her crib. Daniel Jacobs's voice was still ricocheting off and on in Lorena's mind, especially when she saw Krystyna: "Sirius Black is the worst criminal of his kind. I have never heard of such a thing. You did not see the pictures of the scene. He laughed all the way here. He did this. He's a Death Eater. You're going to have to admit it sooner or later, Miss...Lorena."

"He's not," Lorena said out loud to reassure her of it, but she could feel doubt sinking in. The only thing that kept her from believing the Minister of Magic's words were Sirius's eyes. Those were not the eyes of a cold-blooded murderer.

Or were they? Was he lying to them there, too? Was he putting up a façade there, too? Was Sirius trying to feign innocence--feign pure love? Lorena hoped not. She thought of those eyes and what Sirius's last words were. She closed her eyes. What had happened to them all? Was it Sirius? Was it Peter? Was it Voldemort? Was it anyone? Was it her?

{We've been deceived by a deceitful front. I wonder how I missed the lie. The blame's been shifting for a while.}

Lorena took a deep breath and combed her fingers through her hair. She fell against the wall and tried to take another deep breath. She could suddenly feel tears for the first time now. Tears finally began to pour out of Lorena's eyes as she slid down the wall, her face in her hands. Soon, she was sitting against the wall with her knees brought up to her chest, crying for Lily and James.

"Why? Why did you do this?" Lorena sobbed softly. She didn't get it. She didn't know why they had to die in the first place. There was absolutely no excuse or reason why they had to die. It was so bloody pointless that it stung.

{And I ask God why. I ask God why.}

Lorena laid her arms on her knees and sniffed. She had finally stopped crying again. She knew the feeling would swoop over her once again, but not right now. She dragged herself into the living room and sat on the ground, leaning against the couch. She closed her eyes and felt around with her hands. When she finally found what she was looking for, she grabbed it. She unscrewed the cap off and poured its little remaining contents into her mouth. When she was finished with it, she dropped it and the cap on the ground. She brought her knees up to her chest again and laid her arms on them. She put her head in her arms and took a deep breath.

Life shouldn't be like this, Lorena decided. It shouldn't be this way.

{At night we toss back a drink. Remembering, we bow our heads.}

After nearly half an hour of sitting in a numb silence, she realized that she was very sleepy. She didn't want to fall asleep here. Remus would wake up first and be really worried about her. He'd never seen her hit the bottle with such force before. Krystyna had locked herself up in the guest bedroom, too, so that would increase his worry. Lorena pulled herself to her feet with the help of the couch. She stretched and yawned.

Calmly, she walked to her bedroom. Firewhiskey never affected Lorena, really. She always had bad breath afterwards, but that was it. She walked into her bedroom and shut the door. She didn't lock it, but that's only because she didn't want Remus to get scared that she did something she wouldn't. She didn't even bother with pyjamas. She just crashed into her bed and slipped under the covers.

{In hours our guard will sink. Then we crash to bed.}

Lorena closed her eyes and thought about what had happened today. She hadn't really said goodbye to James and Lily; she hadn't wanted to. She'd said goodbye to Peter; Krystyna had left when his funeral started and most people assumed that it was because Sirius had killed him. But that wasn't it. Lorena knew why Krystyna had left.

Krystyna believed that Peter was still alive and had framed Sirius somehow. Lorena didn't know what to believe herself. She wanted to believe Krystyna, but...all of the evidence pointed to Sirius. Surely an Auror, one such as Krystyna, could see that. There was absolutely nothing that had given evidence to the contrary.

{In the silence, we hear what's been lost.}

Lorena was beginning to lose her faith in a lot of things these days. She just sat there, lost inside herself like she normally was these past few weeks. She began to drift off...

"Hush, little baby, don't say a word; mummy's gonna buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird don't sing, mummy's gonna buy you an emerald ring..." Lily sang softly. It was in the middle of the night and Harry was wide awake, crying as if his life depended on it. James was holding Harry in his arms, swaying him side to side.

Slowly, Harry began to calm down as Lily started singing him yet another song, "Fara a Jacque, fara a Jacque. Do me vue. Do me vue...."

Finally, Harry dozed off in James's arms. James's eyelids weren't even halfway open as he gazed down at his first son. Lily smiled sleepily at her boy and swept her fingertips across his little forehead. She leaned against James.

"He's amazing," she whispered.

"He's my little Harry," James said back. He kissed Lily on the cheek, and she closed her eyes. "He's our little boy."

{There are a little boy's cries. And his father holds him while his mother sings him a lullaby.}