Save Yourself

Save Yourself, Chapter Twenty-Five

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I spent the entire day hiding from Professors Snape and Dumbledore, roaming the mostly deserted
Hogwarts corridors in a fog. I hadn’t planned on my outburst, nor had the notion of being the defender crossed my mind. After it was all said and done, however, I felt proud of my reaction, rather than feeling shame for disrespecting a powerful wizard and the Headmaster, and I knew Draco would be as well.

It was nearing ten at night when I finally made my way back to the Slytherin dormitories, after a trip to the kitchens for leftovers from the meals I had skipped. As I slipped into the Common Room, I immediately noticed it was almost deserted—peculiar for a Saturday night. Quickly, I looked around at the few faces, not immediately recognizing any. I made my way up to the boy’s dormitory slowly, counting the twenty-three steps individually on my way up. Everything around me seemed surreal; it was hard to believe everything had changed with one foul swoop of a wand.

When I finally reached the boy’s dormitory, I immediately noticed it too was abandoned—save Draco, who was leaning up against the headboard on his bed, hair mussed and book in hand.

“Hi,” I said softly, knowing he could hear me even from five meters away.

He looked up from his novel, a shocked expression quickly covered with one of expectancy. “You’re back.”

“I am,” I nodded, making my way slowly over toward the bed he lay on. “What are you reading?”

Draco quickly took a look at the cover, as if he hadn’t a clue as to what the title or subject matter was. “Potions book,” he shrugged, his features giving away nothing.

“Interesting,” I said quietly as I reached the bed. Draco immediately moved over to make room for me, his lithe figure allowing more than plenty of room for my bulging form.

After what looked like a moment’s hesitation, he reached around and grabbed what looked to be an envelope from off his bedside table.

“Here,” he said coolly, his eyes following the path of the parchment. “Blaise wrote this for you.”

I raised an eyebrow, looking from the letter to my husband and back to the parchment, not quite sure what to make of it all. After a gesture of encouragement, I took the envelope and carefully opened it, exposing a few pieces of heavy parchment folded together in thirds.

I glanced over toward Draco, whose eyes were then closed and formed was supported by the headboard. Without a word, I opened the letter, prepared to read the words it held.

Dear Pansy,

I don’t really know how to begin. I’m not going to start off with an apology, because quite honestly, I don’t’ regret my actions. It was how I was raised and how I’m going to live my life; no regrets.

Draco’s sitting on your bed now, watching me as I write this. He asked—no, told me to give you an apology, so here I am, merely fulfilling his wishes. I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to start from the beginning—it’s where most good stories begin anyway.

You know I was attracted to Draco. I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t, because quite frankly, that just isn’t true. When it finally came out that the two of you were dating, I was so unbelievably shocked and jealous of you, it was all I could do from poisoning you in your sleep. I hated you for such a long time, Pansy. I still do.

We slept together about a week or two before the Yule Ball, and I promise you, it was nothing. He was nervous as sin and all I was interested in was catching the only prize I could have of his—the one thing you’d never have.

After all, how many girls can claim they have a Malfoy’s virginity?

It was crude, it was messy, and it wasn’t at all as I had pictured it to be, but it happened. There’s no getting around the initial fact. He left immediately afterward and made me swear I wouldn’t tell a soul. I kept my word, even when I realized I was pregnant. The only other person I ever told was Professor Snape, and that was because it was an absolute necessity. I tried everything I could think of to get rid of it before I went to Draco, but nothing worked; eventually, he tried a spell or two, but in the end those didn’t work either. I didn’t tell him; instead, I went to Snape in hopes of a potion that would help me out.

Needless to say, it worked. After two weeks of knowingly carrying a child while still a child myself, I was rid of it. I don’t know how you do it, Pansy; you’re seventeen and about to be a mother.

What amazes me even more is how you waited. How did you save yourself for him? He didn’t return the favor—why did you go through all that pain and waiting just so he could have the satisfaction of knowing he was your first and quite possibly your only?

I didn’t know you two were married when I said the things I did, and that I will say I am sorry for. I don’t care how awful you really think I am; I’d never get between a man and his wife, I swear to that. If I had known, none of this would have ever happened.

I don’t know what else to say. There isn’t anything else, I suppose, just make sure you hold on to him; if he’s willing to go to such drastic measures to protect you, he must really love you, even underneath all that Malfoy bullshit.

Draco promised me that if I told the whole truth, he’d let it go and that’d be the end. I hope this clears anything up for you, Pansy. For the first time in my life, I’m afraid of what’s going to happen. I don’t know; I don’t want to be the enemy of a Malfoy or a Parkinson, but I know it’s almost inevitable.

If you tell anyone, I'll kill you.

Blaise

I placed the letter on the edge of the bed, my mind whirling after being inside of her psyche, even if it was only for a few minutes. After taking the time to collect myself for a moment, I turned toward Draco, not at all surprised to see he had finally relented and took off the mask of indifference he always wore.

“Thank you.”

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