Save Yourself

Save Yourself, Chapter Fourteen

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Less than a quarter of an hour later, Draco walked solemnly into my chamber carrying a large, leather-bound book carefully. Silently, he set the volume on the edge of the bed where I lay, turning it’s yellowed pages to a pre-marked page.

”The spell is ‘Infantia Trucido,’” he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper and his eyes not quite meeting mine.

I eyed the boy—the man?—standing in front of me, nervously tapping his index fingers on the old book’s pages. My eyes narrowed as I leaned forward, looking at the words written before him myself.

Without a word, he snapped the book shut and drew it to his chest, almost as he would something precious. It was the final signal to me that something was wrong.

”You’re lying,” I said slowly, gaze locked onto his pale features.

”Why do you think that?” he asked, still clutching the book.

”Because I know you, Draco—I know how you work. Has it occurred to you that if I use that spell while I’m not carrying a child, there’s a fair possibility I’ll never be able to bear children?” I leaned back onto the pile of pillows at the head of my bed, watching Draco’s eyes widen ever so slightly.

”How?” he asked, forming the word slowly and stupidly.

”All of eggs I have would be void—all of the possibilities of life within them would be destroyed. Do you want an heir or do you want to be the last Malfoy in the dynasty?”

With a sigh, he opened the book back up and turned to another marked page, this time walking around the bed to sit next to me so we could both see the words on the page.

”’Gravida Auctorizo’ this time,” he read, pointing to the words on the page. “There should be a light shining through if—” he paused, taking time to collect himself. “The

color of the light should indicate what gender the child will be—gold for female, red for male.”

I made a face, “Even in a Dark Arts book, the stench of Gryffindor reeks.”

He smiled feebly at my attempt at humor, reaching out to touch my hand lightly. “I just want you to know that if it does come down to—this—” he gestured towards my midsection with his free hand, “—I’ll be here. Even if it seems I’m not—I’m just scared, you know…” he fumbled for the right words to say. “I just don’t want to be a failure as a husband and a father.”

I didn’t respond to his words; instead, I pulled my top of halfway and took my wand, pointing it at the soft flesh of my stomach. “Gravida Auctorizo.”

The moment between the words leaving my lips and the light hitting my body was one of the longest in my life. Time seemed to stand still, only the hush of silence and smell of fear filled my senses as Draco gripped my hand with his, his own anxiousness shining through like a beacon.

Slowly, once my body had absorbed the beam of magic, a pulsating sensation started within the depths of my belly. My eyes widened with fear as I stared down towards my navel, too frightened to say anything.

The sensation grew stronger with each breath I took, and after what could have been an hour but what was probably only a few moments, I tugged at Draco’s hand, leading him to place it over the very spot I felt the pulse. His own eyes widened, his mouth forming a perfect ‘o’.

As we laid there next to each other, his hand on my stomach, fear gripping our systems, a red light shone through my skin, lighting up the dark room with a redish cast I remembered for the rest of my life.

”You’ll be a great husband,” I whispered, “and an even greater father.”

He sighed, placing the book on the table next to the bed and enveloping me in his limp arms. With a flick of my wand, the heavy blankets covered both of us, and I reached out to place my wand on the edge of the bed, where it often stayed when I slept.

”I can’t believe this is happening,” I whispered, staring up at the top of my canopy bed.

”Neither can I,” Draco admitted softly, lying absolutely still, his cheek lightly touching my own. “It’s amazing how life can fuck everything up in one foul swoop.”

”You never know,” I said shakily, not believing the words I was speaking. “There just may be something good to come out of all of this.”

He didn’t respond; instead, he simply pulled me closer, placing one hand over my hip. As the minutes ticked by, he slowly slid his hand down to where the pulsing had occurred, placing the palm of his hand over my navel and closing his eyes sedately.

”I’m going to be a father,” he whispered, his tone soft and filled with awe. “We’re going to have a baby.”

”We are,” I confirmed gently, “And we’re going to have the best little boy in the world.”

”I’m going to have a son,” Draco whispered once more. “A son.”

Tears welled up in my eyes, but before they could spill over, the words I had remained so faithful to for so many years flashed before my eyes once more:

Don’t Break.

Blinking back my tears, I nuzzled Draco’s face, surprised to find a trail of his own tears running down his cheek.

He was crying.