Talk Show

Talk Show

(Twins Lisa and Linda Pherelli are sitting in their living room, trying to decide what to watch on T.V.)

Linda: Aw, it's just Jenny Jones.

(She changes the channel.)

Lisa: Turn it back. Rude Jude might be in this episode. He's cute.

(Lisa giggles. Linda turns it back.)

Jenny: Today we have some exciting guests. Three kids who are out of control...and so much more.

Everyone, the woman sitting in front of me is Molly. Molly is at her wits end because she has not one, but two out of control teens. First, we'll start with Harry. Here's Harry on tape.

Harry: My name is Harry and I'm 16-years-old. When people make me mad, I get dangerous, so you'd better watch out. One time, I got so mad that I trashed my headmaster's office, and I'm his favorite student. He watched me do it and didn't say a word.

Jenny: Ok, everyone, here's Harry.

(Audience boos as Harry walks out.)

Harry: Shut up!

(Harry walks to his seat next to Molly, but he doesn't sit down.)

Jenny: Hi, Harry.

Harry: 'Sup.

Jenny: You say that people make you mad?

Harry: Yup, all the time.

Jenny: And what do you do about it?

Harry: I hurt them.

Jenny: What did you do to your cousin?

Harry: I locked him in a freezer for five hours.

Jenny: What did he do to you?

Harry: He talked about my parents.

Jenny: Where are your parents?

Harry: Dead. They were murdered.

Jenny: Do you think maybe that's why you have so much anger?

Harry: I don't know.

Jenny: Stick around for more after the break.

* * *

Jenny: Welcome back. For those of you who are just joining us, we're here with Molly and her out of control teens. Next, we have 15-year-old Ginny. Here's Ginny on tape.

Ginny: My name is Ginny and I'm 15 years old. I love wearing tight little sweaters and short little skirts. When my mum and dad try to take my clothes away, I just buy more. Nobody can make me change, not even my older brothers who I look up to.

Jenny: Everyone, here's 15-year-old Ginny.

Audience: Boooooo!

Ginny: Don't hate! Shut up! You don't know me!

Jenny: How long have you been dressing like this?

Ginny: Ever since I started liking Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.

Jenny: Where's your father?

Ginny: At home.

Jenny: What happens when your parents take your sexy clothes away?

Ginny: I just buy more.

Jenny: Where do you get the money?

Ginny: From my older brothers.

Jenny: Well, later in the show, we'll see if we can't change your attitude. We'll be right back.

* * *

Jenny: Welcome back. Everyone, this is Narcissa. Narcissa has had it with her 15-year-old son, Draco. Draco is an out of control, spoiled brat. Here's Draco on tape.

Draco: My name is Draco and I'm 15. I always get anything I want. If I don't, I hurt people. My dad used to give me anything I wanted. One time, I beat up this kid because he talked about my mum. He had a black eye for a week. That kid it coming, ha ha.

Jenny: Everyone, here's Draco.

Audience: Booooooo!

Jenny: So Draco, what happened with the gun?

Draco: I got hold of a gun and shot the neighbor's dog with it.

Jenny: That's cruelty to animals, you know.

Draco: Yeah, so?

Jenny: Where's your father?

Draco: In jail.

Jenny: We'll be right back.

* * *

Harry: Hey, Malfoy, how's jail treating your dad?

Draco: Sod off, Potter!

Harry: What's wrong? Did I offend you? Why don't you get 'father' to take care of me?

(Draco jumps at Harry. Molly steps between them.)

Molly: Both of you, stop it! Harry, sit!

(Harry and Draco sit down.)

Jenny: Today we have a mixture of guests. Next, please welcome Ron.

Audience: Yeaaaaaaa!

Jenny: So, Ron, why don't you tell everyone why you're here?

Ron: I'm here to tell my best friend Hermione that I'm in love with her.

Audience: Awwwwwwwwww.

Jenny: Why don't you go backstage, and we'll bring Hermione out and have a little fun with her before you tell her.

Ron: Alright.

(He leaves.)

Jenny: Everyone, please welcome Hermione.

Audience: Yeaaaaaaaa!

Jenny: So, Hermione, do you know why you're here?

Hermione: No, I have no idea why I'm here?

Jenny: Well, you're here because someone has a crush on you.

Hermione: Really? Who?

Jenny: Maybe you can guess. We have some clues, and we want to see if you can figure out who the mystery person is.

Hermione: (chuckles nervously) Alright.

Jenny: Clue#1: He goes to school with you.

Hermione: Well, that could be anyone.

Jenny: Clue#2: He's an athlete.

Hermione: That narrows it down to about 25 guys.

Jenny: And the last clue is: He's one of your best friends.

Hermione: Well, now I have an idea of who it is.

Jenny: Who do you think it is?

Hermione: I'm not saying. I don't want to jinx it.

Jenny: Well, why don't we bring him out? Then you can see if you're right.

Hermione: Alright, then.

Jenny: Hermione's secret crush, come on out!

(Gregory Goyle walks out; Hermione screams; Draco, Harry and Ginny laugh.)

Hermione: Oh no! Oh God, oh God, oh God...

Jenny: Do you think you two could go on a date?

Hermione: (Hysterical) Are you crazy? I'd rather kill myself!

Jenny: Hermione, we have something else to tell you.

Hermione: What?

Jenny: That's not really your secret crush.

Hermione: Oh, thank God.

Jenny: Hermione's real secret crush, come on out!

(Ron comes out. Hermione's jaw drops.)

Jenny: Ron, tell Hermione what you wanted to tell her.

Ron: Hermione, I brought you here to tell you that I've been in love with you for two years now. Will you be my girlfriend?

Hermione: Yes!

(She jumps into his arms.)

Audience: Yeaaaaaaaaa!

Jenny: We'll be right back.

* * *

Jenny: Our next guests say they're sick and tired of looking identical, and they want a makeover. Please welcome Fred and George.

Audience: Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Jenny: Can anyone tell you guys apart?

Fred: Just our parents...

George: our friends...

Fred: and our brothers and sister.

Jenny: Why do you want a makeover?

Twins: Look at us!

Fred: We don't want to look alike anymore.

George: We want a change.

Jenny: Ok, why don't you head backstage and get started.

(The twins leave.)

Jenny: Next, we'll see if our backstage boot camp can tame our wild teens. We'll be right back.

* * *

Jenny: Now our Quizmaster Jude is going to ask the wild teens some questions to see how much they know. Jude, are you ready?

Jude: I'm ready like Freddy.

Jenny: Who do want to talk to first?

Jude: The little blonde boy.

Jenny: You mean Draco?

Jude: Yeah, him.

Jenny: Draco, are you ready?

Draco: Yeah, whatever.

Jenny: Ask him a question, Jude.

Jude: Can I get my music?

(Quizmaster music plays.)

Jude: In what month do we celebrate Christmas?

Draco: Gee, I don't know. Could it be December?

Jude: Don't get smart.

Draco: Don't get knocked out.

Jude: Boy, I will rip out all your bleach blonde hair.

Draco: Try it.

Jenny: Jude, just ask Harry a question.

Jude: Let me get the music.

(Quizmaster music plays again.)

Jude: How many days are in a year?

Harry: 365.

Jenny: Alright, he got it right. Now ask Ginny a question.

(Quizmaster music plays once again.)

Jude: What is the most popular restaurant in America?

Ginny: Er...Kool-Aid?

(Audience roars with laughter.)

Jude: You stupid, stupid girl!

Ginny: So what?! I don't need to know that kind of stuff anyway!

Jenny: We're going to send Harry, Draco, and Ginny to our backstage boot camp and see if they need to go to real boot camp.

* * *

Jenny: Draco, Harry, and Ginny have spent all day at backstage boot camp, and Raymond Moses is going to tell us if any of them need to go to boot camp for a while. Raymond, come on out!

(Audience cheers.)

Jenny: So, Raymond, how'd they do?

Raymond: Well, Ginny seems to have made a complete turnaround. She's very respectful, and she says she's going to stop dressing sexy. Harry and Draco, however, still have a lot of attitude. They're both going to spend a month at boot camp.

(Audience claps.)

Jenny: Next, we're going to reveal Fred and George's new looks. We'll be right back.

* * *

Jenny: Welcome back. Earlier in the show, we gave identical twins Fred and George makeovers. It's time to see their new looks. First, here's Fred.

(Fred comes out. His hair is tied back in a shoulder-length ponytail, dyed brown. He is wearing jeans and a muscle shirt.)

Jenny: How do you like it, Fred?

Fred: I love it. I can't wait to see how George looks.

Jenny: Alright then. George, come on out!

(George comes out. He had short, spiky blonde hair. He's wearing khakis and a polo.)

Fred: Wow, you look totally different.

George: So do you.

Jenny: Does this mean you like your new look, George?

George: I love it!

Fred: Yeah, wait 'till Katie sees it.

George: Shut up!

Jenny: Well, that's our show for today. I'd like to thank our makeover crew, Rude Jude, and Raymond Moses. See you next time everybody.

(Linda Pherelli turns off the T.V.)

Linda: Well, that was interesting.

Lisa: Yeah, and that Fred was hot.

Linda: Is that all you think about?

Lisa: Yeah!

(They both get up and leave.)