Too Wise to Woo

"You are coming to the ball tonight, and that is that!" Minerva glared at Severus, daring him to contradict her. He, of course, did.

"Have you lost your bloody mind, woman? When have you ever seen me in a costume? Dancing?" Snape questioned, feeling he had a very strong argument. "Besides, people won't even notice if I am not there."

"Severus Snape, you exasperate me!" she said, throwing her hands in the air.

"Maybe if you left me alone, you wouldn't have this problem," he kindly pointed out, raising an eyebrow.

"Severus, it's time to let go, to move on. You've given up so much of yourself to this war that you scarcely know who you are anymore. Don't you want to get out there and reclaim your life?"

"And how is dressing in a ridiculous costume and twirling around a floor reclaiming my life?" He knew he was just goading her now, but it was too much fun to stop. While he appreciated that he could still count her as a friend after all that had happened, he did sometimes wish she would remember that he had a mother, and it wasn't her.

"It's not about the dancing or the costume, Severus," she said calmly before taking his hand. Much to his own surprise, he let her. "It's about rejoining the world you blocked out in order to survive your spying years. You are too young to waste away the rest of your life in your lab or library."

He was touched by her caring, but he would never let her know that. "Minerva, if you are expecting a few social engagements to turn me into some sort of nice," he spat out the word as if it left a bad taste in his mouth, "man, you will be sorely disappointed."

"I'm not expecting a miracle," she assured him, "just an appearance."

"If I agree to make an appearance at the blasted ball, will you agree to get out of my house so that I may finish my potion in peace?"

"Slytherins," she rolled her eyes, "always wanting quid pro quo."

"Nothing comes for free," he reminded her. "Now get out of my lab," he ordered sternly, but the affection peeked through in his voice.

~*~

Hermione Apparated a few yards away from the banquet hall Luna's father had rented, wanting to take a leisurely walk in the cool spring night before entering what she was sure would be a hot and crowded ballroom. Everyone would already be there. She had gotten caught up in her research at the Ministry and ended up getting home just as the others were leaving.

She didn't mind arriving alone. In fact, as she hadn't told anyone what her costume would be, she was hoping this would work to her advantage. Tonight might be a good night for a little fun at Snape's expense. A hell cat, hmm? I'll show him. Her smile widened as she walked inside.

Scanning the room, she laughed out loud when she spotted him in a corner, alone. Dressed as pirate. He had obviously tried to cast a glamour to look like someone else, but the waist-length, curly hair, goatee, and tanned skin wasn't fooling her; she would recognize his stance and demeanor anywhere. She wondered what Minerva had done to convince him to leave his house while wearing black leather pants, a white shirt with ruffles and an eye patch. And, oh my, is that eyeliner? Oh this is going to be fun!

"That's a lovely dress, Hermione!" Luna came to greet her, dressed as, well Hermione wasn't really sure what, but it involved lots of layers of chiffon.

"Happy birthday, Luna!" Hermione said, hugging the girl. "How did you know it was me?"

"I recognized your laughter," Luna said. "Are you dressed as Lethifold attacking a vampire?"

"Huh?" Hermione looked down at her costume and then removed her black traveling cloak. "Ah, no. Queen Elizabeth."

"The Queen was a vampire?"

Hermione was spared an explanation as a sequined-adorned body appeared before them.

"Hermione, is that you?"

Hermione nodded and hugged her friend. Ginny Potter was simply glowing, as she had been ever since her wedding two months ago. She was dressed as Jessica Rabbit, ample evidence that introducing the Weasleys to DVDs was a mistake. Hermione was sure nothing but magic was keeping Ginny's dress in place.

"Wow, Gin! You weren't kidding when you said you were going for an exact replica," Hermione said.

"Harry likes it," the redhead responded with a wicked grin.

"I am sure he does," she said, looking for him in the crowd. He and Ron were easy to spot in their non-descript Muggle suits and black sunglasses. "Wizards in Black" was how they had been referring to themselves as they offered to Obliviate people who had seen the notorious Crumpled Horn Snorkack. Yet another example of Hollywood corrupting the Weasleys.

"Good lord! Is that Tonks dressed like Little Red Riding Hood?" Hermione said giggling and pointing to the woman in a red robe carrying a basket.

Ginny shrugged. "She said it was a Muggle fairy tale."

"It is, and it's perfect for her," Hermione assured her. "Only this time, I think the Big Bad Wolf has other things on his mind than Grandma."

The other two just stared at her. She shook her head. "Never mind. Muggle reference."

"I'm surprised you didn't choose something a little more revealing, Hermione."

"That's never been my style, Gin."

"But tonight is all about being something you're not," Ginny insisted. "Besides, how do you plan on attracting a man if you don't show them what you have to offer?"

"Ginevra Potter! Women have more to offer men then their bodies!" Hermione snapped. "Besides, who says I even want a man?"

"Come on, 'Mione. Everyone wants to be with someone," Ginny persisted.

Hermione felt anger begin to well inside of her. She never was a girly girl, and she never thought she needed a man to feel fulfilled, and she hated when people implied otherwise. "I am not everybody."

"No. You are a war hero. A young war hero who is incredibly powerful and intelligent. And who has a good body, if she'd ever decide to show it."

"What do you propose I do? Strip down to my Skivvies and say I'm a lingerie model?" Her sarcasm was wasted on Ginny who was looking at Hermione like she just solved all the problems of the world. Hermione glared.

"Well, it was a thought," Ginny shrugged. "Really, Hermione, if you don't learn to loosen up, you'll never stand a chance at finding someone to marry."

"If I could only be so lucky!" Hermione sighed.

"Mark my words. Someday you will find a man and fall madly in love with him and want to get married and have lots of babies!"

Hermione looked truly horrified. "Babies? Husband? Not until men are made of some other substance than earth."

"Maybe we shall just have to trick you."

"My eyesight is very good; I can spot a church just fine."

~*~

Snape watched as Hermione walked toward him. When she had first entered the room, he had caught his breath at the sight of such an elegant woman. He may not be a man of love, but he was definitely not above lust. But then he realized who was behind the mask, and the allure quickly dissolved. He was still smarting from her last barb about his looks. That was part of the reason he allowed Minerva to talk him into this ridiculous getup. He was hoping that Hermione might find his new appearance attractive so that he could drop his glamour at the end of the night and show her just who she had been flirting with. Improved face, indeed!

"Hello, milady," Snape said softly but silkily. He didn't want his voice to give him away.

"Captain," she said with a nod, allowing him to take her hand as she flashed him what he was sure she thought was a brilliant smile. This is going to be easier than I though!

They chatted amicably about inane things such as the weather, the decorations and the costumes of the others. No wonder she's single, Snape thought, smirking to himself. She's an utter bore. Deciding taunting her was more fun then tempting her, he changed is tactic for the evening.

"I must say," he interrupted her. "You truly are not the obnoxious know-it-all I was lead to believe."

She paused, appearing caught off guard at the sudden change of topic. "And who told you that?"

"I don't know the gentleman's name, but he was quite adamant that I should avoid you, because you were quite insufferable, constantly correcting others and spewing forth information that no one wants to hear."

"An insufferable know-it-all, hmm? It had to be Severus Snape. Though I would think after all these years, he'd come up with a better insult than that."

"Who is this Snape?"

"I am sure you know him," she said, flashing that grin again, a knowing look in her eye. "His name is, after all, known throughout the wizarding world."

"Really? I don't believe I've met anyone by such a name."

She looked at him oddly and then grinned evilly. "Severus Snape, war hero he may be, is the most caustic, unsociable, nasty man you're likely to meet. The poor thing prides himself on his snarky comments and sharp tongue. But the truth is, we all just pretend to be intimidated in hopes that he'll go away and bother another. Oh, and he tends to spit in your face when he's angry. It's most uncouth." She searched the sea of people. "I am sure he is here somewhere."

Snape was taken aback. Did she really see him that way? "If I meet this man you speak of, I'll be sure to tell him what you said."

"Oh, please do!" she said before walking away with a laugh.

Snape stared at her receding back in wonder. Did she recognize him? Uncouth? Me? Hardly. He downed his Firewhisky as he watched her accept that imbecile Neville Longbottom's offer for a dance. This isn't over, Granger! he thought, already plotting for their next encounter.