Too Wise to Woo

Hermione, feeling much better after her nap, entered the living room just as the flames in the hearth turned green and Minerva McGonagall stepped out.

"Minerva! How are they?" Molly immediately began to question the prim professor who emerged from the fireplace.

"They will be fine. Just a little more patching up and they will be returning here," said Minerva, taking the proffered cup of tea from Molly with a curt nod.

"They are so lucky! Anything could have happened to any of them - " Molly stopped and took a breath. "They need to have some sense knocked into their thick heads!"

"Well, when I left, Tonks was giving them a lecture that would rival one of yours, Molly," Minerva said with a hint of pride in her eyes.

"Good!"

"Are they really okay?" Hermione asked, afraid the older women were holding back on her account.

"Truly, Hermione," Minerva assured her. "Harry admitted that they all took some Felix Felicis that Severus brewed before they left. That is how they managed to capture the Lestranges and suffer nothing worse then a couple of bumps and bruises."

"They did what?" bellowed Molly. "Just you wait until they get here!"

Hermione decided to cut off Molly before her rant hit full stride. "Are you sure that Snape is okay, Minerva?"

"Of course." She looked at Hermione questioningly.

"It's just that the last time we talked, I deprived him of most of his wits, and I wondered if the curse he had received today had left him with enough to keep him warm on those cold, lonely nights in Spinner's End," she said tartly.

Molly burst out laughing. "Well, you are definitely feeling better!"

"Concerned for Severus, are you, Hermione?" Minerva asked.

"Hardly," Hermione said, rolling her eyes. "But if he were to die, then who would I sharpen my tongue against?"

"Are you two still at each other? I would have thought that by now you would have allowed him to be in your good books," Minerva said.

"If he did, I would have to burn down my library, and I'd dearly hate to part with my books." Hermione shuddered exaggeratedly. "No, it's much better if he keeps his big nose out of my books altogether, thank you!"

Minerva let out a sigh of exasperation and shook her head as Molly laughed. The door opened and the hallway was suddenly crammed with people: Ginny entered with arms firmly around Harry's waist; Remus was leaning on Tonks, limping slightly; Luna and Ron's hands were clasped tightly; and Snape took up the rear, alone and, from all outward appearances, unscathed. The house was alive with noise as the rest of the Weasleys and several Order members emerged from the hearth or Apparated just outside the front door. Congratulations were mingled with chastisements as people helped themselves to elf-made wine and Firewhisky to mark the impromptu celebration.

Hermione made her way into the sitting room to find that Snape had taken the corner seat that looked out over the gardens. It was her seat and he knew it. That git! She scowled and then schooled her face into a pleasant façade before sauntering coolly over to him.

"So I see you are still living," she said, her voice heavy with mock disappointment.

He looked up at her and smirked. "How could I die when you give me such a reason to live? It is my duty to wizardkind to prove to you that, despite your belief to the contrary, you do not in fact know everything. A task I take great joy in."

"Admit it, Snape," she said with a teasing grin, "you love me."

He looked affronted. "To love implies I have a heart. I assure you, that is not the case. The Great Git has no heart and therefore cannot love anyone."

"However shall womankind survive such a loss?" She sighed dramatically. "Maybe I should start a support group. How about W.U.S.S - Women Under Snape's Spell?"

"Don't you have some young man yet to bestow such affections on or am I to continue to be granted the privilege of being the sharpening stone for your dull wit?"

"My wit is as sharp as yours. And unlike some women here," she glanced at Ginny who kept touching Harry as if needing reassurance he was there and then to Tonks, who was apparently trying to examine Remus' tonsils with her tongue, "I would rather fly starkers over London on a Thestral than turn into that!"

"Then I think the men of the wizarding world can likewise rejoice for not having to face a hell cat like you. They'd not survive without a scratched face."

"Oh, but scratches could only improve a face such as yours," she said sweetly, batting her eyes.

"If only Potter's wand had the speed of your tongue, then maybe he wouldn't have set off the wards, and we would have avoided the trip to St. Mungo's," he said blandly.

"Harry is - " she started, indignity making her put all games aside.

Snape held up his hand. "Enough! I believe Molly is about to serve dinner, and I could use another drink." He gave her a nod and walked away, leaving her in a huff behind.

I hate that! She fumed. Why must he always run off when I am obviously winning?

~*~

Dinner was a festive affair as everyone had their fill of wine and food. Even with the slight twitching of his left arm from a curse, Snape found himself in a good mood. With the Lestranges now in Azkaban, all known Death Eaters were now accounted for. Most were dead or had received the Dementor's Kiss, so fear of escape was minimal. The world could be at peace, finally. Until the next Dark Lord decides to rise, he thought. But, Merlin willing, that would be a war for the younger generation. He had been involved in enough battles to last twelve lifetimes. For the first time in his adult life, he found himself free of all masters and all debt. As of today, his life was truly his own, and the past could be buried. He drained his Firewhisky and poured another glass before following the others back into the living room.

"Hey, Snape! You coming to Luna's birthday party tomorrow night?" Harry yelled across the room.

Snape tried not to roll his eyes. He knew Potter wanted him there only because he knew how uncomfortable it would make him; it had nothing to do with their friendship. He was about to decline when a sharp elbow dug into his ribs. He looked down at Minerva who glared back expectantly. "I suppose I have no choice," he sighed. Really! What was it about his former teacher and coworker that always made him feel the need to obey her?

Before he could lose himself in thoughts of how to escape going to the bloody masquerade ball, Lupin leaned over to whisper, "Isn't she something?"

Snape was about to answer regarding Minerva when he realized Lupin's eyes were following Tonks as she made her way over to Hermione, Ginny and Luna.

"Something is one word for it," he said, wanting nothing to do with this conversation. He thought Lupin was making a fool of himself with such a younger woman. The sound of glass shattering as Tonks tripped and dropped her cup made him amend that to "younger, clumsy woman." He repressed a chuckle at the thought of how awful it must be to bed someone so accident-prone. And here was Lupin, practically drooling over her. In fact, he looked around the room to find nearly all the men had women attached to their sides. He shook his head. Chalking up the sudden relationships as a reaction to the war and being faced with one's own mortality, Snape was glad that he didn't feel the need to pair off and multiply. He had given up on that path long ago; spying and relationships weren't necessarily compatible.

Lupin was relentless however. "Come now, Severus," he chided. "Even you can appreciate a beautiful woman. Tell me, what do you think?"

"What does it matter what I think? I am not the one sleeping with her." The "thank God" went unsaid. See! I can be civil, he thought.

"Is it just her or do you not like women in general, Severus?" Lupin chided.

His sexuality called into question, Snape reacted like most men would. "She's a loud, messy, purple-haired, addlepated, butterfingered blunderer. The only thing going for her is that she is a Metamorphmagus," he said with a leer.

"You really can't appreciate her beauty at all, Severus?"

"Are you dating her or trying to sell her, Lupin?"

"Could the world buy such a jewel?" he said almost dreamily.

Snape sneered. "Yes, a whole Gringott's vault-full in fact. I can give you directions to a place in Knockturn Alley where you can get a good deal, even if you are a werewolf."

Lupin was too lost in his argument to convince Snape of Tonks' worthiness to react to the half-hearted insult. "She is the sweetest thing I've ever seen," he positively gushed.

"I can see perfectly fine, yet I see no such thing," Snape huffed before pausing to consider that maybe Tonks slipped Lupin a lust potion or put him under the Imperius. What else could explain the sloppily besotted man beside him? He expected this sort of behavior from Potter and Weasley, but Lupin was a grown man, for Merlin's sake! "Are you really going to marry her?" he asked contemptuously.

"If she'll have me. I'm thinking of asking her tomorrow night at the party."

Bill Weasley strode over to them, leaving his young, pregnant wife in the hands of Molly.

There's another one! Snape thought. Can these men really find no woman in the world their own age?

"I have to know what discussion is causing such a reaction in Snape. What did you tell him, Remus?"

"He is in love with Tonks!" Snape spat out as if that explained everything.

"Well that's not exactly new," Bill said, eyeing the other men. "You're considering proposing, aren't you?"

Lupin grinned. "If she'll have me."

"Of course she will!" Bill said, giving Remus a light punch in the shoulder.

"I suppose she would," Snape agreed, sneering at Lupin. "After all, who else would have either of you?"

"Are you just anti-marriage, anti-women or anti-Tonks, Severus?" Lupin asked.

"Do I have to choose just one?"

Bill laughed. "You should watch what you say, Snape. Someday, there will be a witch who will catch your eye, and we shall all see you a fool for love."

"I may make a fool out of myself in anger, hatred or even fear, but never love," Snape swore adamantly. "I would rather die than be love's jester!"

"We shall see, Severus," Lupin said. "We're still relatively young and the years may hold many things."

"They may bring war, pestilence and the invariable new crop of Weasleys, but they shall never bring Severus Snape, the Married Man. I trust no woman that much. You can lose more blood to a woman than to war, Lupin. It would serve you well to remember that, especially if you plan on marrying one so graceless as Miss Tonks."

As if on cue, the violet-haired woman tripped and, if it weren't for Hermione, she would have ended up sprawled on the floor yet again.