Every Six Seconds

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Chapter 1:

Dumbledore's Announcement

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Hogwarts Great Hall

8:49 A.M.

Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, stood in the Great Hall, proud of himself. He had succeeded in coming up with an idea to scare the students into not participating in such "activities" that Cho Chang and Cedric Diggory had. As a bonus, it would improve inter-house relationships.

'It is BRILLIANT, if I do say so myself...' He thought.

He looked around the room and listened to the buzzing of the students. He caught parts of conversations.

"...She's such a slut..."

"...That's horrible..."

"...You're kidding..."

The Headmaster stood up from his seat. The hushed voices began to get quieter, until they stopped all together.

"Well, I guess you already know of the most recent event that has occurred here. Everyone knows that the news here at Hogwarts spreads as fast as you can say Avada Kedav-"

He was cut off as an audible gasp spread throughout the room.

He apologized and continued on. "To prevent this from happening again, I am to inform you that fifth years and up will be participating in a six-week long project."

The students in the room shot him inquisitive looks. They either wanted to know what the "project" was about, or why they had to participate.

"You will get more information from Professor Mercurius, whom has been so kind as to volunteer to lead you in this assignment." He sent her a wink.

The Great Hall resumed to its usual chatter as Dumbledore sat back down, smiling widely. His attention became focused on Professor Mercurius.

She was a former teacher from Hogwarts who came back as a favor from the always-smiling and fun-loving Professor. She was a petite forty-something year old with gray-silver hair, which sometimes had a blue gleam to it. Her surname fit her well, as her hair resembled Mercury. She had eyes that rivaled Dumbledore's. She was a stern teacher, but had a mischievous streak in her. One of her previous classes "swore to Merlin" that she gave them a lecture on the positive effects of the Jelly-Legs Curse, and how it stimulated some parts, if you know what I mean... She, to this day, denies it, but still has a twinkle in her eye.

As breakfast came to an end, the students filed out of the Great Hall, wanting to know more about this crazy "project" Dumbledore had in mind...

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Chapter 2:

The Project Revealed

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Mercurius' Classroom

9:02 A.M.

Upon entering the classroom, Hermione, Ron, and Harry struck up a conversation about Dumbledore's "project".

"I think that it will be a wonderful learning experience," Hermione stated excitedly while reaching in her bag for a quill.

"Bite your tongue!" Ron exclaimed exhaustedly. "Now we have to do even more work!"

"Come on, guys," Harry pleaded, becoming the voice of reason.

"I just happen to be a girl, Harry," Hermione pointed out.

"You know what I mean!" Harry said, almost as exhaustedly as Ron. "I just want to know what this project is about..."

"You and everyone else, Potter," a voice butted in.

"Malfoy, can't you just leave us be for ONE day?" Hermione said, getting annoyed.

"Just stating the facts, Granger," Malfoy said coolly.

The "Wonder Trio", as Draco Malfoy and the rest of the Slytherins called them, continued on into the classroom. They didn't feel like getting into a full-fledged argument with Malfoy and his cronies today. Now, maybe tomorrow was a different story...

Harry, Hermione, and Ron took their seats on the side of the room opposite the Slytherins and patiently awaited the entrance of Professor Mercurius.

___________

Several Minutes Later

Everybody's attention was suddenly focused to the front of the room when Professor Mercurius suddenly appeared out of thin air.

"How'd she do that?" Harry inquired. "I thought you couldn't Apparate on Hogwarts grounds."

"That's what I thought," Ron replied.

"Before you start asking me a thousand questions at once, let me say one word: Portkey," the professor said, holding up a paperweight that had been turned into a Portkey.

A wave of Oh's and Ah's flooded throughout the classroom, which indicated surprise and understanding.

"Everyone in this room is probably wondering the some thing: 'What's this project about?'" She continued. "I will explain everything after I hand out the parchment that states the requirements."

She pulled out her birch wand and pointed it at the stack of parchments. She muttered "diditum" and they automatically distributed themselves to all the students. He began reading the assignment requirements aloud.

Project of Life

About

Each pair of students will be required to care for a sac of flour that has been transfigured into a child. It shall be treated as a child for six weeks with extreme care. If you don't, your grade will suffer.

(Prof. M's note: If this happens, I'll know. I have eyes everywhere.)

Requirements

-Each pair of students (boy/girl) will be chosen by the Sorting Hat- No exceptions.

- You will have to write a journal entry each day recording your thoughts and feelings for your "child". Make this neat and realistic! You will be graded on the realism of the journal.

-Bring your child to life! Give it a story!

-And lastly, have fun!

Professor Mercurius

"Going back on treating this child as one," Professor Mercurius began, "I am going to enforce this rule in all seriousness: you must keep it with you at all times. No buts. As I said before, I have eyes everywhere. I'll know if you left little Junior in your dorm all day."

She glanced around the room, seeing horrified looks on all the males' faces. She smirked at the loving and excited looks on all the future mothers' faces.

"Without further adieu, let me proudly introduce the Sorting Hat!" She exclaimed, pulling it off her desk. It began to sing.

"I am the lovely Sorting Hat,

The best of them all-"

"Let's get on with this," an exasperated Draco Malfoy stated, interrupting the song.

"Thank you for volunteering, Mr. Malfoy," Professor Mercurius said scornfully, putting the hat on him.

"Hmm... Malfoy... Parkinson, maybe... no, you interrupted my song... it'd best be GRANGER!" the Sorting Hat said, satisfied with getting him back. Draco just stared forward, flabbergasted.

"I OBJECT!" Hermione said angrily, rising from her sear.

"If I did not read correctly, Miss Granger," Professor Mercurius spoke up, "there are no exceptions."

Hermione sat back down, giving up. The professor pulled a pink sac of flour from the box beside her desk.

"May I have a hair from each of you, Miss Granger and Mr. Malfoy?" She inquired, not looking for a yes or no answer. After getting them (with great protest from both), she put them into the sac and pointed her wand at it. It formed into a baby before their eyes. It had Hermione's dark auburn hair and Draco's icy blue eyes. She handed it to Hermione. "Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy, it's a girl!"

Hermione and Draco froze in shock, mouths agape.

___________

After she was finished with the pairings (which ended with the pair of Zabini and Parkinson) and passed out the children, she put the Sorting Hat down daintily on her desk.

"May I have all the couples stand together?" Professor Mercurius asked, once again not anticipating an answer. When that was settled, she continued. "I would like to welcome all of you to a wedding!"

The whole class shot murderous looks at her. Once again, she continued with all the "repeat after me" vows, followed by an "I do".

Professor Mercurius, feeling extra daring, decided to take it a step further by saying, "You may kiss the bride."

While others in the class gladly kissed their brides, Draco and Hermione just stared at the professor, angry as hell.

Professor Mercurius, in return, said with a devilish grin on her face, "Well, what are you waiting for?"

____________

Author's Note: this chapter is written by Jilly.

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Chapter 3: What Happens Now?

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Mercurius' Classroom

Hermione looked at Draco in astonished horror. They were broken from the idea of kissing when the baby in Hermione's arms squirmed, apparently wanting the much-needed attention she was not giving.

Motherly instincts, as grudging as they were, stirred in Hermione as she looked into the pale blue eyes of her new "daughter".

"What does it want?" Draco wondered.

Hermione glared at him. "SHE wants attention from her parents," she growled. "Ferret boy."

"Look mudblood," Draco started.

"Now, now," Professor Mercurius said disapprovingly. "Such language around your daughter, Mister Malfoy." Draco snorted. "And I do believe you owe your bride a kiss."

"I am not kissing that," Draco said, motioning to Hermione.

"You don't have a choice," Professor Mercurius said. "Kiss your wife, Mister Malfoy."

Draco grit his teeth and leaned down, pecking Hermione softly on the lips. Hermione blushed a deep red color and buried her burning cheeks in the baby's neck. "That's better," Professor Mercurius said with a sly smile. She turned and went to some of the other couples.

"I think I need to go brush my teeth now," Draco mumbled.

Hermione glared at him and thrust the baby into his arms. Draco stumbled and fumbled with her, making the baby let out an ear splitting wail, startling him. "Take care of your daughter," Hermione growled.

Draco held the baby out in front of him as if he didn't know what to do. "What so I--?" he said in a panicked tone. He looked at the baby's face, meeting his own eyes. A part of his crystal heart began to crack as he straightened her and brought her to his chest.

"See--," Hermione started but was cut off by the sound of class ending.

"What do we do now?"

"Um, can I take her until lunch?" Draco suggested.

"What are we going to name her?" Hermione asked. It was hard to imagine that she was getting along with Draco Malfoy at this moment in time. In this realm they were thrust into.

Draco frowned. "I don't know," he said. "Tell you what, you come up with a list, and so will I. We'll go over it and decide from there?"

Hermione nodded. "We can decide at lunch," she confirmed. "Meet you outside in the courtyard?"

"Do you think it's okay outside for her?" he asked, gazing down at the tiny bundle in his arms.

"I-I don't know," Hermione said. "Maybe we should meet here?"

"Okay," Draco said, hoisting the baby to his shoulder. He put his bag and the diaper bag that had appeared at their side to the other shoulder. "See you at lunch." Hermione nodded, and the two separated.

An odd truce had forged between them, no words spoken at all.

___________

Chapter 4:

Let's Play "Name that Baby"!

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Hermione Granger trudged angrily down the halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, baby in arms. Malfoy had come running back to her only several minutes later ('He obviously can't handle the responsibility' she'd thought). She was somewhat relieved he gave the child back, though; she didn't want his lack of liability to ruin her grade.

Her face still wore the look of pure aggravation from their encounter. It softened as she looked down at the precious child that lay in her arms.

'I hope you don't turn out like your father,' She thought, stifling a guffaw. The thought of Draco Malfoy, model Slytherin student, acting like a maternal figure towards their "child". That was definitely not something she pictured. The thought of him changing a diaper was just too much...

Hermione was pulled out of her thoughts by her house's portrait, the Fat Lady, waving her hands slowly in front of her face.

"Are you okay?" the jolly woman inquired, looking truly concerned.

"Oh! Yes, I'm fine... Just thinking..." Hermione trailed off reassuringly. "Fred and George are gods." The Fat Lady winked and opened the portrait hole.

Upon entering the Common Room, she glared jokingly at the twins, whom were displaying their Prefect badges proudly.

"You're changing that password, boys," she declared. "You're too full of yourselves! I swear to Merlin himself that if your egos got any bigger..." She trailed off and laughed. It was a wonder why they were Prefects in the first place. It didn't really make sense if you thought about it. They were the biggest pranksters in school, after all.

"We've got a good reason to be," Fred replied, flexing his "muscles", "We're irresistible."

Hermione laughed, once again, rocking the baby in her arm. 'Irresistible, I think not.' It reminded her of a muggle song she had heard during the summer. She began to hum silently to the words in her head. 'He's irresistible, up close and personal-'

"Aw... what's its name?" George interrupted, talking in a babyish voice.

"She doesn't have a name yet," She replied. "You have any ideas?"

"We could call her Fredricia," Fred suggested.

"Or Georgia," George butted in.

"I shouldn't have asked," Hermione giggled. "Seriously..."

"Who'd you get paired with?" George asked. Hermione frowned and screwed up her face. "It can't be that bad, can it? I mean, you didn't get Crabbe or Goyle, or, even worse, Malfoy, did you?"

Hermione bowed her head in shame. "Malfoy- stupid git that he is- interrupted the Sorting Hat's song," She sighed. "The bloody hat got revenge on him and now he's paired up with me!"

"Oh..." Snicker. "I'm sorry, Hermione..." Snicker. "It's just that-"

Hermione cut the twins off. "Laugh all you want!" She exclaimed hotly. "I'll get you back later!" And with that she stormed out of the Common Room and went upstairs into the girl's dormitories.

___________

"He's irresistible, up close and personal, so inescapable I can hardly breathe, more than just physical, deeper than spiritual, his ways are powerful and irresistible to me- UGH!!!" Hermione was so going to get the Weasley twins back later. That "absolutely horrid" (as Hermione had put it) song had been plaguing her mind for the past half hour. She was going to make a fool out of herself if she didn't stop singing so loudly. She still had to think of a name for the adorable little baby in her arms. So what if it was only a bag of transfigured flour... It was still her first "child" in her opinion.

Hermione busied herself by writing possible names down on a piece of parchment. She still had to narrow the list down, but she would deal with that later. It began as follows:

"Allison (Ally)

Gina (for Ginny)

Victoria (Vicky or Tori)

Andrea (Andie)

Rose

Isabella (Belle or Bella)

Alexandra (Alex)

Farah

Melody-"

'Wait, scratch that,' she thought. Anything to do with music was definitely out.

"Hermione!!! We know you're in there! Come out! We need to talk to you!"

Harry and Ron. Why was it that they bothered her only when she was busy? She will never know.

Hermione opened the door to find a very angry pair of friends. "Yes?" She asked, feigning sweetness.

"Don't 'yes?' us! We've been looking for you for the past forty-five minutes!" That was Ron. He was always being protective over her.

"You could have easily tapped your wand on the Marauder's Map, said, 'I solemnly swear that I am up to no good', and found out where I was, Ron, so don't get your panties in a bunch about it," Oops. She guessed that was the wrong thing to say. His ears turned as red as his hair; he looked like a volcano that was about to erupt. She could imagine his head exploding, causing molten lava to spew (no pun intended) everywhere, scorching everything in sight.

Thank Merlin that Harry was there. "Calm down, Ron," He said, "It's just an expression."

"Expression, my ass-" Hermione clamped a hand over Ron's mouth as he said this, motioning to the child-that-had-not-been-named-yet.

"I don't want you corrupting my child, Ron," Hermione said teasingly, loosening the tension.

Ron's reply was a disgusted mumble that sounded surprisingly like "Yours and Malfoy's".

"So, who did both of you guys get paired up with?" Hermione asked.

"You should know! You were there!" Ron obviously hadn't calmed down yet. "You were just too busy snogging the ferret!"

"RON!!!" Came Harry and Hermione's reply.

"I wasn't snogging him! He kissed me!" Hermione explained. "That professor- if that's what you call her- has some serious problems, forcing us to kiss..."

"Excuses, excuses, Hermione," Fred and George had somehow weaseled (once again, no pun intended) their way into the conversation.

"Do you want me to tell Professor McGonagall that you for were up in the girls' dormitories, do you?" Hermione threatened. The boys made their way out of the room, muttering things like, "teacher's pet" and "snitcher".

Hermione smirked, started humming, and took out a fresh piece of parchment to start writing on.

"Get Revenge on:

Fred and George, for being themselves,

Ron, for being such a hothead,

Malfoy, for reasons that are self-explanatory,

Harry, (maybe) in case he does something stupid later,

Professor Mercurius, for having major problems,

Sorting Hat, for bringing me into this bloody mess in the first place,"

"He's irresistible, up close and personal -DAMMIT!!!"

"Jessica Simpson, for singing that damned song..."

___________

[Song credit: "Irresistible" by Jessica Simpson, off the album "Irresistible".]

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Chapter 5:

Draco's Account

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Draco watched as Hermione out of Mercurius' classroom, leaving him with their unnamed child. He looked down at the baby girl in his arms and smiled genuinely. As fast as it appeared, Draco masked it with his usual cold smirk.

'No,' he scolded himself mentally, 'this is not real, so don't even think that.'

He collected himself and ran after Hermione. There was no way he could function normally with that child around. He had to stay strong and act natural- show no emotion and be neutral.

"Granger--" He started, only to be cut off the brunette.

"I knew you couldn't handle it..." Hermione stated smugly.

"Can you take her?" He asked, ignoring her comment. "I forgot that I had something to do." Malfoys usually prided themselves on their ability to lie to peoples' faces, but Draco wasn't doing too well at that moment in time.

"Okay..." Hermione replied skeptically, "Fine." She, too, was masking what she really felt. In reality, she wanted their child back; it gave her a sense of security.

Hermione retrieved the diaper bag form Draco, draping it over her shoulder. He gently placed the baby-without-a-name in her mother's arms, never breaking eye contact.

She could tell that there was something more to him that no one else knew about. It was just one of those gut feelings. Before she could inquire about it, Draco had spun on his heel and left the corridor, leaving her wondering.

___________

Draco chided himself again as he walked to the Slytherin Common Room, which was located in the must dungeons. He couldn't believe he let that sac of flour get to him! It was unacceptable; the wall he had worked so hard--for so long--to put up had been broken down with one--just one--glimpse at that child. His child. His and Hermione's child. 'Damn it!'

"Stupid Mudblood."

___________

"Cunctus consaluto Draco," [A/N: All hail Draco... tehe... I know I would!] Draco said as he approached to Portrait hole. That was one of the reasons he--well, partially--loved being a Malfoy. It definitely had its perks. He had bribed this year's Slytherin Prefect to change to password to whatever he wanted.

He glanced around the common room. To his left were Crabbe and Goyle, who, as usual, had blank expressions on their faces, and to his right were Pansy and Millicent, pointing at him and giggling like fools.

'They're probably gossiping about Granger and I,' he thought disgustedly, making his way up the stairs to the boys' dormitories, 'Damned Sorting Hat..."

___________

Draco sat on his green and silver bedspread, forehead contorted in deep thought. In his hands were a piece of parchment and a quill. He never thought naming a baby would be so difficult.

"Serenity (Serena)

Myá

Kerri

Lola

Trisana (Ana or Tris)

Kayla"

'Lily, maybe...' Draco thought, 'Potter's mother's name... might as well score Brownie points with Granger...'

He scribbled the name haphazardly on the parchment and continued on with the search for names.

___________

After several minutes of searching for the "perfect baby name", Draco gave up, completely convinced that he had no imagination whatsoever.

Draco looked around the room, curious as to why no one else was in the dorm with him.

"Damn it!" He swore aloud, focusing his vision on the large grandfather clock that lay flush against the wall.Its long, aged hands now pointed to the section of the clock that read, "GO TO LUNCH!"

Draco couldn't believe he had just blown off all of his classes thinking up names. He swore once again, grabbed his book bag, and stormed imperiously out of the room.

___________

"Yes, I know I'm late," Draco confirmed hurriedly as he approached Mercurius' classroom for the second time, displaying the parchment that contained his limited choice of names, "I skipped classes today just to work on this!"

"Aw, Malfoy, I didn't know you cared," Hermione, who now donned muggle clothes, teased.

"For your information, Malfoy, I just don't want my kid ending up with some name like Fredricia or Georgia..." Draco paused as he saw Hermione giggle then snort, "You didn't write thase down, did you?"

"Oh, Gods NO!" She squealed, "I just think it is a bit ironic that those were the exact names George and Fred suggested... weird..."

...isn't it ironic, don't you think?

"DAMN!"

"Such language for our poor, innocent baby to hear, Malfoy," Draco kidded, his gray eyes turning slightly blue.

Hermione chose to ignore his comment. She retrieved a quill from her book bag, pulled a perfectly folded piece of parchment out of her pocket, and began writing.

Alanis Morissette, for being so damned obsessed with irony,

"What's that, honey?" He inquired, referring to the piece of parchment she had just re-folded. He snatched it out of her hands and read it. He looked at her, confusion clear on his face.

"Never mind, honey," She said, attempting to take both pieces of parchment out of his hands, which was slightly hard to do with only one arm. She placed the baby in her carriage and returned to the task at hand.

"Come and get it, Malfoy," Draco beckoned, holding the parchments over his head. She reached up, hoping that she would be tall enough.

Nope.

She jumped up and down, still trying to get them. She looked at Draco, whose eyes were now glued to her bouncing assets. Her eyes opened wide as a flash startled their little "flirt-fest".

If looks could kill, Collin Creevey was as good as dead.

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[Song credit: "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette, off the album "Jagged Little Pill"]

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Chapter 6:

Baby Malfoy Finally Gets a Name

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Hermione and Draco stood in the middle of the hall, wands out and ready to fire.

Today obviously wasn't their lucky day. As luck would have it, their "professor with major problems", as Hermione had written earlier, chose to exit her classroom at that exact moment. Upon seeing them in the current position they were in, Professor Mercurius shouted, "Don't even think about it!" [A/N: Don't you just hate it when that happens?]

This gave Colin the perfect opportunity to run off (as fast as he could, I might add), camera in hands.

Draco panicked and did the first thing that came to mind. He spun around, pointed his wand at the educator, and shouted, "Petrificus totalus!"

"MALFOY!" Hermione exclaimed angrily, her brown eyes blazing. "What did you do that for? You're going to be expelled and I'll be stuck with the baby [A/N: Who, surprisingly, hadn't even as much as cried during this whole scene] and I'll have to do this project all by myself and--"

"Shut up, Malfoy," Draco joked once again. Even in his current state of mind, she still managed to give him something to laugh about. He could get used to this... then again, maybe not. "I won't get expelled. Go wait near the Gryffindor portrait hole and I'll be there in a little while."

"How do you know where it is?" Hermione inquired. This could be interesting...

"Potter isn't the only one in this school with an invisibility cloak," He replied, digging himself into an even bigger hole.

"Wait, how'd you know that?" Hermione pried further.

'I should have known she'd ask a million questions,' He rolled his eyes. "Just go there. No more questions until later." He motioned to the professor that was out cold on the floor. Hermione understood and giggled. She smiled as she walked down the hall with their baby.

___________

Hermione had waited for a solid five minutes before Draco finally arrived at the portrait hole. "Fred and George are Gods," she whispered into the Fat Lady's ear. The portrait, in return, winked and opened the hole. "I don't know if I should let you in, Malfoy," she continued, "You know what they say about you sneaky Slytherins..."

"Hey! I resemble that!" Draco said in a flirting tone. "Which way is your bedroom?" He bobbed his eyebrows.

"Sorry to disappoint you, honey, but I don't think that's allowed..." She giggled innocently. 'Maybe I should let him... Malfoy and me alone in my dorm room= perfect revenge on Ron...' The little devil on her shoulder hinted. "To hell with it! This way!" She grabbed Draco's hand playfully and dragged him upstairs to her dorm room.

___________

"What took you so long to catch up with me, Malfoy?" Hermione started questioning, motioning him to sit on the bed with her.

"Let the interrogation begin..." Draco sighed. "What's with this whole 'calling each other by our surnames' thing, Honey? We are married, after all."

"Okay, Draco," She said, drawing out his name, "Sounds nice. Kind of strange to say for the first time, though. Your turn, sweetie."

"Fine. Herm-own-ninny," he joked, "Just kidding. I heard you and that oaf they call a quidditch player talking that one time." Hermione rolled her eyes. "Hard to believe that he couldn't get your name right. Let me test it out for real--Hermione." It rolled off his tongue nicely. "Nope. That's not going to work." Saying this resulted in a slap on the arm from Hermione. "Back to the original question--It took a while to perform a memory charm on that bloody git you call a professor."

"Nice touch," His "wife" commented.

"You would have done better in Slytherin," He said, resulting in another slap from Hermione. "Ooh... a violent one... I like that..." Another slap. "Okay, okay... I'll stop..."

"You do realize that it was all your fault that all got started," Her eyes flew open, "WAIT! Colin [A/N: Oops... I spelt that wrong last chapter...] still has the camera!"

"We'll deal with that later, Hun," Draco said reassuringly, "I'll take care of it."

"But what if--"

"No 'what if's. I'll deal with it." He thought back to the picture and realized something. "You could have gotten the papers back with a summoning charm, you know."

She blushed and stayed silent.

"What was that whole "revenge list" about, anyway?" Draco asked, "I could help you with them--I'm the king of revenge!" He laughed.

"Then I must be your queen, Draco," She said seductively, moving closer to him. "I've got a proposition for you."

"Depends what it is," Draco replied, his eyes getting darker by the second.

Hermione switched out of her "vixen" self, startling Draco. "You help e get revenge on some people, and I'll take you off the list. Deal?"

"How'd you do that?"

"Deal?"

"Fine, deal."

___________

Somewhere between fighting and flirting, they realized that they'd missed half of potions.

"I'll talk to Snape," Draco said, shifting his weight on the bed, "It'll be fine."

"I'm not even going to ask how you are going to do that," Hermione stated, "So, our baby still needs a name, Draco."

"I'm letting you know ahead of time that my names aren't that great..." he trailed off.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, honey," she assured him, "They can't be that bad... I mean--you didn't choose Fredricia or Georgia, right?" She referred to their joke.

They both pulled out their lists and began crossing off names ("There's no way in HELL my daughter is going to have a porn star's name, Draco!" Hermione had declared, referring to the name "Lola"), finally coming down to Kerri and Serenity [A/N: Thank you all for voting! There's a tie between the two, so I asked my sister's opinion. Didn't tell her what for, but she helped nevertheless.].

"Serenity sounds more exotic," Draco reasoned.

"I agree. I love it," Hermione squealed, resulting in covering his ears and cringing. She handed Serenity to Draco and said, "Welcome to the world, Serenity."

___________

Chapter 7:

Fortune Cookies, Ferrets, and the Green-Eyed Monster

___________

'I must be going mad,' Hermione thought, her gaze fixed on Draco and Baby Serenity, 'either that, or Malfoy's extremely bipolar.' She never thought that Draco Malfoy, the Slytherin boy that had officially dubbed her as "Mudblood Granger", would ever act civil, let alone nicely, toward her. Maybe there was something underneath that rough exterior, after all. What was it that fortune cookie said? Oh--Not everything is what it seems.

"Tell me about it," Hermione muttered absentmindedly.

"Tell you about what, sweetie?" Draco smirked, his attention now focused on her.

"Nothing, Tough Boy [A/N: Brownie points to those who know where I stole this nickname from...]," she replied, going slightly pink in the cheeks. 'Good one, Granger... Give him another reason to embarrass you...'

'Tough Boy, eh? Talk about stereotyping,' "Always thought you were mental..." He drawled, resulting in yet another violent slap on Hermione's part.

"I liked you better as a ferret... No talk, just action..." she remarked. Draco shrunk back, recalling being bounced numerous times by faux-Moody.

"That was the most horrible experience of my life," he replied, shuddering slightly.

"Poor baby," she cooed, "do you want mommy to kiss it?"

Truth be told, he wouldn't mind it. "Promise?" He asked hopefully.

She leaned forward on the bed and whispered seductively in his ear. "We'll see... it depends if whether you are a good boy or not." She had no idea where this newfound confidence was coming from.

'Ignore tightness in pants...' He thought, shifting his weight slightly. How could he be good if she made him wanna be so bad? He couldn't stand it anymore. He desperately needed to get out of that room. It was just too much to handle. He stood up and placed Serenity in the cradle that was located on the left side of Hermione's bed.

"I should be going," Draco glanced at the clock again, "Potions ended several minutes ago."

She pouted. "So? Why in such a hurry? I don't want you to leave yet..."

"Is that so?" He inquired cockily.

"Yes, it is." She showed no embarrassment. "Serenity doesn't want you to leave, either." As if on cue, Serenity let out a huge wail. Draco rushed over to her with a worried expression on his face. He picked her up and started rocking her.

"Daddy's not leaving forever, baby," he reassured her.

That was the sweetest thing she had ever heard him say. 'Daddy? He calls himself Daddy? Oh gods, open the floodgates...'

"You know that the wonder twins will be looking for you," He continued, his eyes not leaving his daughter's, "After all, you did just skip a whole class to be with m--What's wrong?" He'd finally looked up and saw the evidence of his touching words.

"Nothing. I'm fine." She pulled her wand out and used a charm to stop her tears. "Let's get onto business, shall we? This is the perfect opportunity to start our little side project. Ron and Harry will be here any minute now." She scooted back until she lay in the center of the bed. "So, come hither, you sexy boy!"

He cocked an eyebrow. How do girls do that? One minute they're sad; the next they're happy. They're way too confusing.

He saw that she had put on her best vixen face. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. She looked absolutely irresistible. He happily obliged after returning Serenity to her cradle.

He approached her with wanting eyes. He pulled off his shoes. Hermione looked at him quizzically.

"I'm not going to get your bed dirty with my shoes," he explained. Hermione understood and pulled hers off as well.

As he crawled nearer to her, he heard the footsteps of someone coming upstairs. The rattling of the doorknob ("You locked the door?" Draco asked, his eyes shining devilishly. Hermione only nodded and blushed in reply.) and a muttered "Alohomora!" followed them.

'I shouldn't have taught him that.' Hermione thought.

They knew exactly the footsteps belonged to even before they had entered the room.

Ron [A/N: Aw, how'd you know?] swung the door open with full force. Draco turned his head around, and, being the arrogant prick he was, asked, "Is there something you wanted, Weasel? We're kind of in the middle of something..." Ron's eyes diverted to the position they were in: Draco was on top of Hermione, straddling her.

A voice disrupted Ron's state of shock. "Jeez, Ron!" Harry exclaimed, clearly out of breath from the dash from Potions, "What's up with you--Whoa!" He had just caught a glimpse of the "couple" on the bed.

Hermione decided to add her two cents to the conversation. "Now, when you boys finally stop gawking, can you leave? We're busy, as you can see." Harry and Ron's eyes got even wider, if possible, at that statement. "I'll talk to you when we're finished. Now OUT!" She pointed her wand at the door and it slammed closed.

With that said, Draco turned his head back around and looked her straight in the eye. He let out a huge laugh and collapsed on top of her. Hermione started giggling like mad. "Gerroff!!!"

"What if I don't feel like it?" Draco challenged, grabbing her wrists and holding them above her head. "We have several hours to finish what we started, you know..." He raised an eyebrow.

"I think I might take you up on that offer..." She suggested, "If you're a good boy..."

I, I wanna be bad... [A/N: Bwahahaha...]

___________

Harry and Ron sat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, playing Wizard's Chess.

"How are things with the wife?" Harry asked, trying to ease the tension that had been in the air since they left the Girls' Dormitories.

"Obviously not as good as Hermione and the ferret!" Ron answered spitefully.

'...And the Green-Eyed Monster rears its ugly head...' Harry thought. It was useless to even try to talk to either Ron or Hermione about apologizing. They were both way too thickheaded to admit their faults. Why did he even try? He sighed and put his elbow on the table, resting his head in his hand.

___________

Chapter 8:

Just like Daddy

___________

"You're such a tease." Draco laughed and released his grip on her. "Are you always like that, or is it just for me?"

"That's my little secret," She replied, pushing him off her. "I'm a great actress." Draco feigned a hurt look. "Oh, come on, you know it was fun!"

He agreed and laughed again, picturing Harry and Ron's faces.

___________

After three games of wizard's chess (and three losses added to Harry's record) Ron's temper still hadn't cooled down. Harry was first to break the deafening silence.

"Umm, Ron? I'm going back to the common room to get ready for dinner; its getting late." He lied. Ron's aura was too depressing. That kind of tension isn't good for people. Maybe if he had some time alone, he'd get over it.

"All right. I'm just going to stay here... and think." His voice didn't carry the angry tone like Harry had expected; it was more devoid of emotion, dejected, even. He just hoped to Merlin that Ron wasn't plotting anything too horrible, even if Malfoy did deserve everything that was coming to him.

___________

"You know," Hermione reasoned, "my mum said that I hardly cried as a baby... I guess she takes after me."

Draco cradled Serenity in his arms. "Well, my mum said I only cried when I didn't get something I wanted... So, she takes after me."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Think what you want, Malfoy."

"I think I will, Malfoy."

Well, that was definitely the last of the "she takes after me" arguments.

___________

Harry was sick of avoiding the dormitories. He'd been in the library for over an hour. He was bored. If Ron had just taken his chance when he saw it, they'd never be in this mess.

Someone sitting down next to him broke his concentration.

"Hi Harry," she greeted shyly, her pale cheeks going slightly pink.

He turned and said, "Hi Hannah, Hi Amy." He took the baby's hand and smiled when she grabbed his finger.

"If she could talk, I bet she'd say, 'Hi, Daddy'," Hannah giggled nervously.

"Can I..." Harry motioned to his daughter.

"Of course!" She replied, gently placing Amy into his arms. "She's been crying all day... Seems like she's calm with you."

"I've never really held a baby before..."

"Really? Do you want her for the rest of the day? To get to know her and stuff..."

"Actually, would it be okay if I got to know you?" Harry stumbled over his words, mentally smacking himself in the forehead. "I mean, we know each other from Herbology and all..."

"That'd be okay? Walk with me?" She asked.

And as they made their way outside, they would have never guessed what the future had in store for them.

___________

"Sorry to cut this little chit-chat short," Draco said, glancing at the clock on the wall, "but I've got a Potions Master to bribe." He turned to the door.

"Hey, Malfoy," Hermione called. "Thanks. It's been fun."

He turned around and winked. "Anytime, babe, anytime."

As soon as he grabbed the doorknob, Serenity let out a whimper. Draco rushed over to her and reiterated. "Now, baby, Daddy's going to see you tomorrow, so don't cry... Be good for Mommy, okay?" He leaned down and kissed her on the head. Draco went to the door again.

He peeked his head through the door and made a last comment before he left. "You know, she really does take after me..."

Hermione scoffed and threw an overstuffed pillow at the door. She could hear his evil laughter through the door.

Good luck getting out of here alive, Hermione thought, then decided that he deserved it for being such a prat.

___________

"So, tell me about yourself... It's weird, you know, how we've been in the same class all these years and never had a real conversation," Harry commented, sitting down on a large rock by the lake.

"My birthday's December 7, I'm a Sagittarius, my mum's a Mediwitch, Dad works for the Ministry of Magic, and I have an older brother named Jason." She took a breath. "How about you?"

"Well, what do you want to know?" Harry asked.

"I don't want to know about the Harry Potter who is famous because of You-Know-Who, but the Harry Potter who is just a normal Hogwarts student."

Harry looked at her as if she'd said the most beautiful words. No one had really cared about that, save several people including, but not limited to, Hermione and Ron.

Hannah had no clue that she would learn more about Harry Potter than any of his friends knew.

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Chapter 9: Sign-Ups

___________

The next week was mostly uneventful. Neville had melted yet another cauldron in Potions, Snape took an insane amount of points from Gryffindor, and Ron was still not talking to Hermione. Yep, it was pretty normal, all right.

As the students filed into Professor Mercurius' classroom for the second time, Hermione could feel somebody watching her. She turned to see Ron glaring holes into the back of her head. Hermione rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. You'd think he would be over it by now, if he were normal. Then she recalled the numerous times little arguments had thrown them into the same situation. 'It'll blow over,' she reassured herself.

She continued on to her seat nest to Draco, who was having a quite in-depth conversation with Serenity.

"I really think this project is just giving you an excuse to talk to yourself," Hermione teased, placing her book bag on the floor and taking her seat.

Draco turned and gave her a look full of his usual sarcasm. "Ha, ha. Very funny, Malfoy."

"I've learned from the best, haven't I?" She and Draco had been together a lot since her altercation with Ron. Draco was really starting to rub off on her.

Draco's snide reply (well, it would have been) was cut off by Professor Mercurius addressing the class.

"Good Morning, everyone!" She looked to see that everyone showed up. "How was everyone's first week with the children?" Lavender Brown raised her hand eagerly. "Mrs. Weasley?" Lavender grinned at her new name.

"Well," Lavender said as though she had one too many cups of coffee, "Ron and I are going to Hogsmeade this weekend to get baby clothes at the new shop down there! Baby Ronnie is going to look so cute in his new clothes, don't cha think, honey?" She looked at Ron, who looked absolutely mortified as he lowered his head onto the desk.

"Thank you for sharing, Mrs. Weasley. Anyone else?" She called. Noticing no hands were raised, she called on the first person who was not paying attention. "Mrs. Zabini?" Pansy was too engrossed in her conversation with Millicent Bulstrode to answer. "Mrs. Zabini?" She said with a little more volume. "Mrs. Zabini, If you do not answer when your name is called, I will mark you absent."

Pansy turned toward Mercurius in her seat. "I want an emergency divorce." She said in a whiny, high-pitched voice. The class laughed.

"As I said earlier, no exceptions, Mrs. Zabini." Mercurius replied. Pansy scoffed.

"Now, Mrs. Zabini, how was your wee with your child?"

Pansy lied in a murmur, "I-It was okay... I just got to, you know, know it and stuff."

"Professor Mercurius?" Came an inquiry form Pansy's "husband". "I would just like to let you know that Pansy hasn't helped me at all with this so far."

Pansy interrupted, "Yes I did!"

"Oh, come on, you don't even know his name!" He shot back.

"I do too! It's Einstein or some stupid name like that!" She guessed. The class laughed again.

Mercurius glowered at her. "Mrs. Zabini, If you do not participate, I will fail you."

Pansy looked as though she could have thrown something at her.

___________

As Mercurius launched herself into the lesson (the importance of supporting babies' necks), Hermione leaned over and whispered into Draco's ear. "Memory charm was definitely a nice touch."

"See, I knew what I was doing..." He replied egotistically. Hermione rolled her eyes once more.

"I'm not even going to ask." She declared before starting to take notes.

___________

Ten minutes before class was over, Professor Mercurius announced, "Oh, yes... Before I forget, Professor McGonagall will be taking the names of those leaving for the holidays at lunch. You may, but are not forced to, bring your partner home with you, but if you are not, one of you have to take the child. I would prefer both parents together, but it is not a must."

In the midst of all the excitement that was going on, most people had forgotten that the holidays were only a week and a half away. Draco looked at Hermione pointedly as they made their way to the Great Hall for lunch and said, "You're not coming home with me."

Hermione scoffed and retorted, "Like I would want to! Your Death Eater father would probably kill me!"

Draco stared at her and replied sarcastically, "Oh yes, my incredibly evil father will kill you in an instant." He sighed and switched tones. "Snape isn't the only one who made mistakes when the war was going on, Hermione."

Hermione bit her lip and apologized.

"It's nothing. I'm sorry for blowing up like that. Kinda touchy subject, if you know what I mean." Draco changed subjects. "So, am I going to meet the in-laws, or what?"

Hermione laughed out loud.

___________

Chapter 10: Dig a Bigger Hole...

__________

The devil and angel on each of Hermione's shoulders were in an all-out war with each other. The angel was trying to convince her to apologize to Ron, but the devil was egging her on, telling her to let him sweat it out for a little while more. As tempting as the latter was, Hermione found herself approaching him in the common room after dinner.

"Hullo, Ron," she said in a small, mouse-like voice. He looked at her as if to say, 'you've got to be kidding me'. She noticed his expression and changed her tone. "Oh, come on. Would you rather have us not talking at all?" Ron, now characteristically, glared at her. "I was going to apologize, but now, never mind." She sighed heavily and started briskly out of the room, up the stairs to her dormitory.

As he saw her retreating figure, he could have kicked himself. Hard.

__________

Some time later, after a good walk around the school grounds, Hermione decided to go to her favorite place in the castle: the library.

She sat in her normal spot, near the section dedicated to Charms, took out the list that had been nagging at her since she started it, and furrowed her brow in thought. A number of people had already been crossed off, and she had a pretty good idea on how she was going to deal with the others.

She grabbed a fairly heavy book, which she had picked up for "light reading" the year before, from her book bag and skimmed the pages. When she found what she was looking for, her eyes lighted up with delight. She leant over to her side to gather the twin teddy bears, which she had taken from her room earlier, off the stone floor of the library. Upon coming up, she jumped slightly in her seat and squeaked in surprise.

"Malfoy," she growled as he looked at her with a smug look on his face.

"Malfoy," he shot back routinely. "A little jumpy tonight, aren't we? What's wrong; have another falling out with the wonder twins?" Her expression hadn't changed, so he laughed out loud. "You did, didn't you?" He snickered. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry... actually, I'm not, but..." he trailed off, and started laughing again.

Hermione looked at him quizzically. "Are you on something? I mean, it's not that funny..." He was still howling. "Okay, now you're scaring me. Seriously. I don't trust you holding my daughter, going on like that... What if you drop her?" He roared even louder, if possible.

"Draco, I'm serious. Give me Serenity," She gave him her best stern look. "NOW." He handed her their child and resumed his laughter, pounding his fist on the table.

Hermione peered over his shoulder and spotted a pair of heads covered in flame-red hair peeking out from behind the bookcase. Draco followed her gaze. She pointed her wand at him, said, "Finite Incantem", and returned the baby to him. She resumed her work, sprinkling various potions ingredients on the twin teddy bears.

Draco stood up and made his way to behind to bookcases. He leaned up against the shelf and glared at the twins. Fred and George rolled their eyes simultaneously and busied themselves with their Defense Against the Dark Arts homework.

Draco sat back down at this spot across from Hermione and inquired, "What are you up to? That doesn't look like what Professor Snape assigned..."

"That is none of your business, Malfoy." He glared at her in reply. "But if you absolutely have to know, I'm just working on a little bit of vengeance."

He raised an eyebrow. "And what might that be, my dear?"

"I'm filling these bears with a potion that will make the holder grow acne that no amount of cortisone injections can cure." She looked up from her work and noticed Draco's confused look. "Muggle reference. Anyways, don't touch the bears. The spots won't go away for a week. We wouldn't want to blemish your perfect skin now, do we?"

"Very true," he nodded. "I'll just leave you to your work, then."

"Is there something you wanted?" She put down all of the things in her hands and gave her full attention to Draco. "I know you didn't come down here just for a nice little chat."

"Now, you don't know that. For all you know, Serenity could have just wanted her mum." He said innocently.

"She never wants me. It's all about Daddy. I know for a fact that she only cries when she misses you. 'I want Daddy'," Hermione said in a baby voice, "Traitor." Serenity squealed in response. "See? Figures. Now, what did you really want?"

Draco sounded like a child trying to get his way, "Hermione, do I really have to wear Muggle clothes?"

Hermione laughed in response. "We've already discussed this, Draco. Of course you do! Do you really expect to greet my parents in Wizard's Robes? I don't think so. You need to make a good impression!" She conjured two cardboard boxes to place the blemish-bears in.

"Hermione... Please? I really don't like Muggle clothes! They are so confining!"

"Too bad. You will wear normal clothes. There will be consequences to pay if you don't. Believe me." She gave him the evil eye.

Draco sighed and threw his hands up in frustration. "Please? I'll do anything!"

Hermione's eyes lit up naughtily as she levitated the bears into the two boxes. "Anything?"

"Anything. Just don't make me wear those!"

"All right." She grinned, putting the tops on the vials of ingredients and placing them back into her satchel. This is just too good to pass up... "I want a striptease."

Draco looked at her blankly. Oh shit.

Hermione stood up and slung her bag over her shoulder. She scooped the boxes into her arms, threw a wink in his direction, and walked casually out the library door.

___________

Hermione grinned like a Cheshire cat as she made her way down to the Owlery. I'd really like to see how Malfoy tries to get out of this one...

She held her breath as she entered the cold, foul-smelling room. She picked a random school owl and tied the identical packages to them.

As she watched the medium-sized barn owl fly into the cold winter sky, she pulled the list out of her pocket and crossed out the names "Alanis Morissette" and "Jessica Simpson". She smiled a cruel smile and sauntered out the room, quite pleased with herself.

___________