Harry Potter and the Slytherin Connection

Chapter 10

Voldemort's plan and Snape's Secret

You were a bit harsh, weren't you, Sirius? Look at the words Harry wrote to me after what you did. Can you hear the bitterness? How much has the boy been deprived of growing up? How much more misery can be inflicted on him?

He takes it from me because he still considers me his enemy. But how much longer will he consider me his enemy when he is forced to accept the misery from you, someone he loves.

And I believe he loves you, Sirius, although I'm sure he hasn't told you. Does he even know how to say the words, Sirius? Has anyone taught him, shown him how? Have the words ever even been spoken to him?

Harry is coming to me now for answers. How long will it take?

Harry stared at the note. Sirius was right. Voldemort was trying to turn Harry away from Sirius and in essence, his own parents. Voldemort was manipulating every aspect of Harry's life to force Harry to keep going back to him. And Harry was letting him.

He looked up Sirius. There was an unreadable expression on his face, but his eyes were filled with tears.

"Don't let him take you from me, Harry. I couldn't bear it."

"Oh, Sirius," Harry cried as he flung himself back into Sirius' arms. "I'm so sorry." Harry was crying now too. "I do love you. I swear I do."

"I know, Harry." Sirius arms were strong around him and he let Harry cry. More grief and more guilt poured out of him.

How was he supposed to fight Voldemort now?

Harry returned to common room feeling worse than he had ever felt in his life. Apparently, it showed in his expression because no one said a word to him. Even Ron looked afraid to speak.

Ron helped Harry re-dye his hair black and Hermione put it back to its normal length and untidiness with a spell. Harry had decided to keep wearing the lenses. They were so convenient and he could actually see better with them in than he could with his glasses.

But when he washed the make-up off his face and looked into the mirror, the face that stared back still looked like a stranger to Harry.

Not surprisingly, Harry found himself standing outside Snape's office. The door was open and the light was on, but Harry hesitated. Harry's relationship with Severus Snape had become very obscure. In public, well in school that is, it was the same, but in private or in context with anything connected with Voldemort, Snape had almost assumed the role of his personal body guard.

"The heir can't sleep," said Peeves, wizzing down the hallway toward Harry.

"Shut up, Peeves," whispered Harry

"What's going on out there," Harry heard Snape from inside.

But Peeves continued to taunt Harry and bang things around. When Harry turned around again, Snape was standing before him.

"What is it, Potter?"

"I - er - can't sleep," said Harry.

"So you came here to steal ingredients to make a potion?" sneered Snape, apparently back to his nasty self.

"Ah, no, sir," said Harry. "I was going to ask you to make me one. I don't know how to make one for dreamless sleep."

"Bad dreams, is it?" said Snape, considering Harry thoughtfully. "Well come in then."

Harry followed Snape inside his office. Harry's experiences inside this particular office weren't pleasant so Harry moved within it cautiously.

"Sit down, before you fall down, Potter," said Snape as he collected several items from his case and set them on his desk beside a cauldron. "You look exhausted. It surprises me that you aren't comatose."

Harry sat down in one of the chairs in front of Snape's desk.

"And you really should stop torturing yourself over this," said Snape. "This whole thing doesn't revolve solely on you and Voldemort. There are many factors involved. Anything could happen."

Harry considered Snape's words. It was true. Voldemort could get sick or die of natural causes (sort of a stretch, but it could happen), the aurors could find them and take care of everything without him, Harry could fall off his broom during the next Quidditch match and die.

"And stop looking at me like that," snapped Snape. "Where are your glasses?"

Harry looked at him with some surprise. "I see better with the lenses," said Harry. "How was I looking at you?"

"Never-" Snape stopped himself. He threw a couple more things into the pot, his expression one of concentration. As if he were struggling with himself. "Harry," he said, still looking into the cauldron. "There was a lot more than jealousy of your father's talent on the Quidditch field which led to our animosity towards one another."

"Oh," said Harry. Harry wasn't sure he was going to like this. If Snape started disparaging his father, Harry knew he would loose his temper.

"Yes," said Snape. "It was mostly because of your mother."

"So you did know my mother, too."

"Oh, yes," said Snape. "Lily Evans was the most charming girl in the school back then. As well as the kindest."

"So why did you hate her?" said Harry, becoming confused.

"Hate her?" said Snape and he finally turned to Harry. "I didn't hate her, Harry, I was in love with her."

Harry felt his jaw drop open.

"She liked me as well," Snape went on. "Bugged the hell out of James. But Lily used to help me with Charms and Arithmancy and I helped her in Curses and Potions. Of course she was totally devoted to your father and I never told her how I felt, but that damned Sirius found out. That's when he started playing all his little jokes on me. James laughed at them but your mother used to explode." He looked at Harry. "That's were you got that temper of yours, Potter, from your mother. As sweet as she was, she had a very short fuse. It never lasted and was always directed at James or Sirius, she never lost it with me, but it was nasty. It was that last trick that clinched it for her. After James saved me from the tree and from Remus, she didn't speak to any of us for about a month. Of course she went back to James, but she didn't resume our friendship." Snape went on bitterly, "She considered that it would be safer for me, if she didn't."

Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Lily is also the reason I became a Death Eater," admitted Snape. "And why I became a double agent."

"What?!" Now Harry was astounded.

Snape continued to monitor the potion, throwing in various ingredients at specific moments. "Oh, yes," he continued, still not looking at Harry, as if the sight of him repelled him. "I knew they were after the Potters. I had to do something to save Lily, so I joined them. Voldemort was extremely pleased with me too, because, all modesty aside, I was one of the strongest wizards of our class."

Since in all honesty, Snape was an incredible teacher, Harry didn't doubt it.

"I didn't know who the spy in their circle was though. Everyone was convinced it was Sirius. I half doubted it, but I wanted it to be true, so I believed it too."

"But everyone was wrong," said Harry.

"Well, be that as it may, I'll always hate Sirius Black," said Snape.

"Because it was his fault you couldn't stay friends with my mother?" said Harry.

Snape went on, "And even though I begged Voldemort not to kill Lily, that she didn't need to die. That just the heirs were the target, he killed her any way."

"And everyone thought that Sirius had betrayed them."

"Yes," said Snape.

"But it wasn't the betrayal that killer her," said Harry with dawning. "It was me. She was protecting me," he said in a small voice. Harry looked up at Snape. Snape was leaning on the desk looking down at Harry with his arms crossed and a condemning look on his face. "That's why you hate me?"

Snape sighed and turned back to the cauldron. "I don't hate you, Harry," said Snape. "But that is why I keep you angry with me."

"I don't understand."

"Lily was never angry with me," said Snape, dipping a goblet into the cauldron to fill it. "So I prefer to see you glaring at me through those glasses of yours rather than seeing her eyes looking at me they way they used to when I was explaining potions to her."

Snape moved in front of him and held the goblet out to Harry. Harry took the cup without looking up and drained it in one gulp.

Snape took the cup back but didn't move away. Harry started to feel the effects of the potion and looked up.

"She'd be proud of you, by the way," said Snape.

Harry had felt a bit better after talking to Snape but still needed potions to eat and to sleep for the next week. Ron and Hermione had been fascinated by Snape's story. Hermione looked as if she were going to cry at one point, she thought it was so sad.

The next Quidditch match was almost a joke. Harry had caught the Snitch so fast he thought the team would kill him because they barely had the chance to play but since no one had scored, Gryffindor was so far ahead on points Harry considered that it made up for it.

Harry and Ron left Trelawney's classroom and started toward the Gryffindor tower. Ron stopped Harry when Harry made a wrong turn.

"Harry, where are you going?"

"I have to go to the library and look something up," said Harry. "Voldemort's been signaling me all morning."

"He's calling you?" said Ron. "How?"

"I'll explain later," said Harry. "But as far as I know, the only things I have to do under the contract is write to him once a week and return to his camp at the Christmas break. I shouldn't have to go running every time he calls. I want to make sure that I'm right though."

"Oh."

"And ask Hermione if she could eat fast and give me hand."

"Ok, Harry," said Ron. "Go on. We'll be right up."

To her credit, Hermione found the exact section, article and paragraph that Harry needed. They were still feeling smug about it as they made their way down to Snape's dungeon for double potions.

Harry's hand hit his forehead.

"Another signal?" said Hermione.

Since the pain had been brief, Harry nodded.

"Maybe you should go," said Hermione. "Isn't the plan to make You-Know-Who think the plan is working?"

"The plan was working," said Harry. "I'm not willing to participate in his games anymore."

"So, what are you going to do?" said Ron.

"I'm going to class and hope that I don't poison myself again," said Harry.

Ron and Hermione followed him in.

Harry was half way down his list of ingredients when he found one he didn't know. He looked over at Ron's list and saw that Ron had a completely different list. Great, Harry thought.

"Problem, Mr. Potter?" said Snape.

Harry was beginning to think that Snape kept one eye on him at all times in his class.

"Er, yes, Professor," admitted Harry. "I don't recognize this ingredient and I noticed that Ron's list is different again." Across the room, he spotted Draco looking over at Crabbe's list with alarm. "I don't particularly feel like poisoning myself again."

"Either do I," said Draco.

Snape actually laughed and the whole class stared at him. "This is a test of course," said Snape. "You all have different potions. Now finish up so we can begin." He turned to Harry. "If you don't recognize an ingredient, look it up, Potter."

Snape looked back at his papers and Harry automatically reached out his hand. The reference book flew off the shelf into Harry's hand.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for Mr. Potter's silly wand waving," said Snape without looking up.

Harry looked down at his hands. He didn't have his wand out. Ron noticed it too.

"But Professor," said Ron, obviously not being able to help himself. "Harry doesn't have his wand out."

Snape looked up at Harry. Harry bit his lip and shrugged apologetically. Then he turned to Ron. "Then we'll have to make them for Mr. Weasley's smugness and simply give Potter detention for showing off."

"Sorry, Harry," whispered Ron.

Harry didn't respond because pain exploded in his head. It didn't go away.

"Hello, Severus," said Voldemort.