Rating:
R
House:
Schnoogle
Characters:
Draco Malfoy Harry Potter
Genres:
Romance Slash
Era:
Multiple Eras
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix Quidditch Through the Ages Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
Stats:
Published: 06/17/2003
Updated: 07/25/2005
Words: 99,146
Chapters: 29
Hits: 317,001

Second Chances

kishijoten

Story Summary:
For the first time in over a decade, Harry Potter crosses paths with Draco Malfoy. Both have changed a great deal, but what do those changes mean to them - and to each other? **slash**

Chapter 13

Chapter Summary:
For the first time in over a decade, Harry Potter crosses paths with Draco Malfoy. Both have changed a great deal, but what do those changes mean to them - and to each other? **slash**
Posted:
10/22/2003
Hits:
9,645

After dinner, Draco made his excuses and headed for home. As soon as he was gone, Harry retired to his room and Remus put in a fire call to Nymphadora Tonks, asking her to dinner the next day. Tonks accepted cheerfully; if the unexpected offer surprised her at all, she didn't show it.

Tonks arrived only slightly behind schedule the next afternoon. She was dressed in Muggle jeans and a close-fitting t-shirt, which Harry was certain she had worn for effect. Her hair was gathered back into twin pale pink plaits which lay flat along either side of her neck.

Somehow, miraculously, she managed to get through the meal with only one minor accident.

As soon as the tea things were cleared away, Harry turned serious. "I'd like to talk to you, if you have time," he said.

Tonks let Harry lead her into the parlour and sank down onto the sofa with one leg curled beneath her. "You look too serious, Harry, even for you," she noted.

"Yes, well," Harry stammered. "It's a serious matter I wanted to discuss with you." After a couple of false starts, Harry managed to tell his story to Tonks, emphasising the bit where he had put her life in danger.

When Harry was done with the retelling, the room fell silent as Tonks let his words sink in.

"So you're the one who tracked down Lestrange," she said at last. "I was rather disappointed at the time to learn someone had beaten me to her. I was looking forward with dealing with her myself. As for the rest, don't go feeling bad about what happened with me. I don't hold you responsible, and you shouldn't either. I can see why you're troubled about the other, but honestly, Harry, it would be so much worse if they'd been alive and free. And Harry...thank you. If things hadn't happened as they did, Remus would have ended up going after Pettigrew himself. Thank you for sparing him that much."

Harry, dumbfounded, simply stared at Tonks for a moment. Slowly, a tired but relieved smile spread across his face. Tonks smiled brightly back at him and sprang up from her seat to straddle his lap and wrap him in a fond embrace.

"I've missed you, Harry," she told him. "The thing you should be apologising for is letting all of this keep you away for so long."

Harry looked slightly shamefaced. "I am sorry about that," he assured her. "I just..."

Tonks poked him hard in the ribs to shut him up. "You don't have to explain," she said.

"Good," Harry replied. "I'm not certain I could explain if I wanted to."

"You still haven't apologised," Tonks reminded him.

Harry smirked, knowing that Tonks was trying to lure him into an ages old game they had often played in his Auror days. It had been a wonderful way to relieve stress then, and he was certain it would be the same now. He took the bait, and let himself be lured in.

"What if I don't apologise?" he asked with a smirk.

"Then I shall be forced to do something drastic," she replied.

Crossing his arms across his chest, Harry arranged his face into what he hoped was a defiant glare. "I should like to see you try," he challenged.

Tonks stared at him thoughtfully for a moment before moving as if to tickle his ribs. Harry dodged her fingers easily, but Tonks ducked her head to lick the bridge of his nose. Making a noise of disgust, Harry tossed Tonks onto the sofa, flat of her back, and began to tickle her mercilessly. Her shrieks of protest and their combined raucous laughter brought the other occupants of the house to investigate.

"Should I be jealous?" Draco drawled, lounging in the doorway.

Harry looked up in surprise at the unexpected sound of Draco's voice, wondering absently when he had arrived. The sharp, silly retort he had at the ready died on his lips at the hint of jealous anger flitting across Draco's face.

"Your latest conquest?" Tonks asked, shoving Harry off of her and struggling to regain her composure.

Draco raised an eyebrow, and Harry flushed.

"Not exactly," Harry mumbled, chagrined.

"Sorry, Harry. It was meant to be a joke. I forgot who I was talking to," Tonks apologised clumsily.

Remus chuckled. "You've such a talent for putting your foot in it," he said.

"Yes, well, one must be good at something, right?" Tonks replied cheekily.

"Erm...this is Tonks," Harry said, thinking that a brief introduction might be a good way to draw the conversation to less embarrassing topics. "Tonks and I used to work together. She's one of my closest friends. Tonks, this is..."

"My cousin," Tonks interjected, sounding perplexed.

Draco stared at the pink-haired woman in confusion.

"You are Narcissa's boy aren't you?" she asked, looking at him critically. "You must be. You look just like...."

Harry clapped his hand over Tonks' mouth to keep her from pointing out how much Draco looked like his father. He really didn't want her putting her foot in it again where Draco was concerned.

Draco smirked. "Andromeda's whelp," he said. "Obviously, not all of the bad things I've heard about you are true," he added, extending his hand for her to shake.

After a brief hesitation, Tonks shook Draco's hand.

"My name's Draco, by the way," he added. Turning to Harry he asked, "Aren't you going to say hello?"

Harry stepped forward, intending to hug Draco and kiss his cheek. Draco tangled his fingers in Harry's hair and covered his mouth with his own, kissing him long, hard, and possessively.

Tonks and Remus grinned at one another, approving, and stepped into the kitchen to give the lovers a bit of privacy.

*********************

Once Remus and Tonks were safely out of the room, Harry pulled a little away from Draco and looked up into his eyes.

"You really were jealous, weren't you?" Harry asked, bemused.

"Not in the way you mean," Draco admitted quietly. He pulled Harry's head to his shoulder, nuzzling his hair. "The two of you were just so...comfortable together."

"I should be comfortable around Tonks. I've known her half my life. More than, actually," Harry replied.

"I've never had that with anyone, except my children," Draco said quietly.

Harry responded automatically to the sadness in Draco's voice, tightening his arms around the other's waist and pressing closer to him. The movement managed to knock his glasses askew, and he huffed in annoyance as he backed away again to straighten them.

Trying to distance himself from the unexpected longing swelling in his chest, Draco drew away from Harry. He arranged himself on the sofa and gestured for Harry to join him. Once Harry was snuggled against his side, Draco pointedly turned the conversation in a new direction.

"What was that about 'conquests'?" he asked. He could feel Harry tense, but his curiosity demanded satiation. "Whatever my cousin meant by that comment, it seemed to get under your skin."

"She meant it as a joke," Harry explained. "The kind of thing she'd say to any of her friends. Only she forgot that I...well, I have a bit of a reputation." He hid his face against Draco's shoulder, sure that the other man could feel the heat of his blush, even through his tailored robes.

Draco felt a strange chill run through his body and settle in the pit of his stomach. Harry's statement was doing nothing to calm his doubts. The last thing he wanted was to be another notch in anyone's bedpost. "I see," was all he said.

"I don't think that you do," Harry replied quietly. He sat up then and looked Draco in the eye.

"Then make me understand," Draco said. He didn't want to hear the details of Harry's past lovers, but he knew that he needed to hear what Harry had to say. Some part of him hoped desperately that Harry's words would somehow set his mind at ease.

Harry looked away almost shyly. "Back at school, I never understood why all the other boys raved about snogging. I kissed a few girls, but I never thought much of it. My last year at Hogwarts, I finally realised that it was the blokes who were catching my eye. I talked to my therapist about it, and - like I told you before - the stupid cow told me that what I was feeling was immoral and that I would burn in hell. I told her that I had grown up in hell and didn't fancy going back. After that, I wasn't really sure who I could discuss this discovery with."

Draco chuckled. He took Harry's hand in his. "It's not exactly the kind of thing you want to talk to your head of house about, is it?" he asked rhetorically.

The thought of discussing his sexual preferences with Professor McGonagall, even now, made Harry feel slightly ill. "No, not at all," he agreed. "I ended up talking to the one person I thought might be able to analyze the situation objectively."

"Miss Know-It-All?" Draco asked with a gentle smile.

Harry grinned. "Right in one. I went to Hermione, and she wanted me to read about a million books on homosexuality and 'coming out of the closet' and such-like. I didn't want to draw any attention to myself with those sorts of books, but she managed to talk me into reading one with a non-descript cover and a vague title."

"And it helped?"

"Not a bit," Harry said, laughing. "The book was utter rubbish. However, as I was sitting on my bed one evening glancing through it one last time to be sure I hadn't missed anything that might prove useful, Ron came in. He asked me why I was reading that particular book, and when I glanced up, he looked gobsmacked. Turns out he had seen that book before and knew exactly what it was about, vague title or not."

"That must have been a real kick in the arse, having him find out that way. How did he take it? Tell me he wasn't a complete prat about it."

"Actually, he was surprisingly calm about the whole thing. Of course, he was also not so surprisingly indiscreet while discussing it with Hermione, and the information spread to a few of the other Gryffindors. One of those Gryffindors gambled on what he had overheard and kissed me. Neville. My first boyfriend."

"Oh god," Draco whispered. Although he hadn't been particularly fond of Longbottom back at school, Neville had proved himself in his last moments, facing death bravely. Draco knew what had happened to Longbottom in the war because he had heard the man responsible for Neville's death bragging about the murder to his father not long before he and the children fled the country. "You were still together when...when he was killed, weren't you?"

Harry nodded solemnly. "It was really difficult to get close to anyone after that, knowing that either of us could be killed at any moment. It didn't help that I never knew who I could trust and that I had to hide important parts of my life. Of course, anytime I found someone I could trust and care about, they walked away," he said bitterly.

"Sometimes you're surprised to find that you never really knew a person at all," Draco mused. He was thinking of his former lover, Adrian. The man hadn't been at all what Draco had thought him to be. He could understand perfectly how Harry must have felt, being tossed aside by someone he trusted.

Harry didn't respond. After a moment, Draco took Harry's chin in his hand and turned his face so that their eyes met. Harry looked as if he was holding back tears, but he also looked incredibly angry.

"Tell me about it," Draco prompted gently.

"A friend of mine invited me to one of his Quidditch games - he played for Puddlemere at the time. Even though things seemed relatively peaceful to the public, the Order still had its hands full dealing with Voldemort. I ended up missing the game, but I made it to the celebration afterward. Puddlemere had won the game, and were in good shape to take the championship. This was shortly after I had found Lestrange, and I...I was stupid. I drank entirely too much in an attempt to drown my guilt, and I got a bit friendly with my friend Oliver. I don't really remember much, but apparently someone got pictures of us kissing. I do remember his suggesting that we 'take it somewhere more private' and doing unspeakable thing to one another...."

"Spare me the details," Draco requested.

Harry blushed slightly. "Sorry. Anyway, when the story and the pictures hit the Prophet, Oliver denied that anything had happened between us. He issued a statement that my advances had been unprovoked and unwanted. He issued that statement just a few hours after leaving my bed."

"And you thought you could trust him. You thought he was your friend," Draco murmured, moving to wrap an arm protectively around the smaller man.

"I was incredibly naïve and vulnerable. I felt that I had to do something to protect myself, and the way I saw it, I had two choices: I could stop risking my heart and be alone, or I could stop caring and enjoy myself. I believed I was two steps from my grave and decided that I should live my life as fully as possible. For some reason, that translated to giving myself to anyone who would have me." Harry paused and looked up at Draco uncertainly. "I'm not proud of it. I'd take it all back if I could. There are so many things I'd do differently, given the chance," he confessed.

"I wouldn't," Draco said after a moment of contemplation. "I used to think that if I could go back, I wouldn't marry Pansy. But if I hadn't married Pansy, I wouldn't have my children."

"I think I see what you're saying. Still..."

"Harry," Draco interrupted. "Let it go. That's all in the past....isn't it?" He hoped he didn't sound as uncertain as he felt.

"I want to think so," Harry replied quietly.

Draco took Harry's face in his hand again. "Whatever happens, or doesn't happen, between the two of us, I want you to promise me you'll never go back to that. It's self-destructive, and it will bring you nothing but hurt in the long run."

"I can't imagine that celibacy would be any better. Seclusion is hurtful as well," Harry replied defensively.

"Are you being deliberately obtuse? There are a lot of options that fall between 'celibacy' and...what was it? 'giving yourself to anyone who would have you'? Sex can't be that important. I've managed to live without it for...god, since the children were small."

Harry's eyes went wide. "You've not been involved with anyone since your children were small," he repeated, unbelieving.

Draco shrugged. "I had a brief affair with Pucey right after I left Pansy," he said. "She had appointed him as her go-between in dealing with me, which suited me just fine. We had a tailor-made excuse for spending a lot of time alone together. Pucey, of course, was married, and I knew the situation wouldn't last. What I didn't know was how much of a pompous bore Pucey had become. Maybe 'become, and' I had conveniently forgotten how selfish and demanding he was in bed. I was glad to be rid of him, and I haven't had time for anyone since. Raising three children on your own doesn't leave much room in your schedule for dalliances," he explained, smirking slightly.

Harry stared at Draco in shock for a moment and then began to laugh. "And to think I was worried that I wasn't worldly and experienced enough to satisfy you sexually," Harry managed to gasp out. "What a pair we make," he added. "The whore and the virgin. Good Merlin, who would believe it?"

"You shouldn't say things like that," Draco admonished, trying and failing to repress a smile. "Besides being degrading, it isn't even true. I'm not..."

"Oh, do stop preaching at me," Harry cut him off teasingly. Just to be certain that Draco did indeed stop, he covered Draco's mouth with his own. A moment later, Harry pulled away.

"That's why you practically threw me out of your house that night," Harry said.

Draco, whose brain refused to switch easily from snogging to conversation, simply stared.

"The night when I first kissed you - you acted like...I don't know what. You...panicked when I suggested staying the night with you. That's because it's been...because you've been celibate for so long. Isn't it?"

One corner of Draco's lip twitched up in a self-deprecating half-smile. "I wasn't sure I could even remember what sex was, much less how to go about it. But, no, that wasn't it. Not exactly."

"Then what was it?" Harry wanted to know.

"Partly, I was afraid that sex was all that you wanted, and that you'd disappear once you had gotten it. Mostly, though, I was terrified by the thought of waking up next to you," Draco admitted.

"The first I can understand, especially since I've been through it a few times, but why be afraid of waking up next to me?"

"Since I turned nine, the only people I've ever woken up next to are my children. I wouldn't have known what to say to you, or how to act, or what to feel...."

Harry curled up against Draco's side again. "I think I understand." He thought for a moment. "Do you still feel that way?"

"Maybe a little," Draco replied, pulling Harry closer to him.

"When you're comfortable with it, I'd like to find out what it's like to wake up next to you."

"I could accompany you back to Hogwarts," Draco replied. He still wasn't entirely sure he'd know what to say to Harry after waking beside him, but he found that he very much wanted to know what it was like to fall asleep in another man's arms.

Harry looked up at Draco, certain that he was joking, but Draco was completely serious. "Do you think that's wise?" he asked cautiously.

"I believe that we both understand discretion, Harry, and if anyone is curious as to why I am at Hogwarts, I do have an airtight alibi," Draco replied, smirking.

"The children," Harry said.

"Not only the children," Draco explained. "I will be working rather closely with the headmistress for the next little while, preparing to teach classes next term."

A smile spread across Harry's face. "Transfiguration?" he asked. At Draco's nod, his smile broadened. "Congratulations," he said, beaming. "Well, I guess that's settled then. If we're going, we should tell Remus goodbye," he added.

*

On the threshold of the kitchen, Harry paused and gestured for Draco to stay still and quiet behind him. Tonks was wiping tears from her eyes, and Harry didn't want to intrude on what obviously was an emotional moment.

"I wouldn't marry you, even if I could," Tonks said defiantly as she turned to face Remus. "I simply refuse to have the general public calling me 'Nymphadora,' and having two 'Lupins' about would be far too confusing. So if not being able to marry is the only downside, then there isn't really a downside at all, is there?"

Remus laughed softly and pulled her into his arms. "So we're going to see where this leads, then?" he asked. He looked apprehensive, as if he expected her to say 'no' in spite of her earlier words.

Tonks gave Remus a watery smile. She answered his question by pressing her lips to his.

Harry felt a soft, cool hand cover his eyes. He made an involuntary sound of protest as he pried Draco's fingers away from his face. At the unexpected noise, Remus looked up from kissing Tonks.

"We were coming to say goodbye," Harry explained. "We didn't mean to interrupt."

"You're not going already, are you?" Tonks asked, looking disappointed.

"I need to get back to the school. I've some things to catch up on before bed," Harry replied, not untruthfully.

Remus smiled knowingly. "Will you be back on the weekend, Harry?" he asked.

"No, I don't think so. I've that bloody staff meeting and about a million essays to grade."

The older man nodded, but there was a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"Oh god, I ballsed up my schedule again, didn't I? Remus, I'm so sorry..."

"Don't apologise, Harry. It isn't your job to look after me," Remus said. "I've managed most of my life without you here to play nursemaid. I'll be fine," he insisted.

"Full moon this weekend?" Draco asked.

Harry nodded. "Remus always feels a bit off-colour afterward, and I usually try to make certain I can be with him...."

"I'll look after him," Tonks volunteered. Remus looked as if he was about to protest, but her next words stopped him. "If this is ever going to work between us, you're going to have to get used to it," she said, settling the matter.

Harry beamed at the two of them. "Thanks, Tonks," he said. "We should really be going." He hugged Remus and then embraced Tonks and kissed her on the mouth in the way that very small children kiss their parents. "I'll see you soon," he promised.

Draco watched the proceedings impassively. He briefly pressed Remus' hand, warmed by the older man's smile and the gentle pressure applied to his own hand. He then moved to engage Tonks in a handshake, but, to his surprise, she hugged him instead. She took advantage of the nearness to whisper in his ear: "If you hurt him, I will hex you to hell and back."

Straightening, Draco looked Tonks in the eye. "Same goes, cousin," he said smoothly.

And then he was gone, ducking out the door in a swirl of robes, with a slightly bewildered Harry following behind.


Author notes: For those of you requesting more bits involving Draco's kids, it's coming I promise :)