The Trouble With Being Perfect

Perfection is finally attained not when there is no longer anything to add but when there is no longer anything to take away, when a body has been stripped down to its nakedness.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

The Trouble With Being Perfect

Chapter Six-The Kindness of James Potter

Day One-Being Perfectly Charming

I am really good at being a wonderful young man that is polite to all. I opened the door for Bertha Jorkins today; I'm hoping to make up for that forest comment. I even chased Peeves away from some first years.

This is going to be the easiest date I ever got. I should have done this years ago.

*~*~*

Day Seven-Being Nice

Do you know how hard it is to be nice?

I do.

It is really, really, really, beyond belief, indescribably, and insurmountably impossible! You know all those imbeciles you have to talk to each day...the people who cannot seem to figure out normal life events? And you know how you generally make snotty remarks or say they have the IQ of a giant toddler? Well, I can't do that anymore. I can't tell the people who ask to copy my homework what to do with themselves anymore. I can't get back at the Slytherins for their nasty comments. I can't even do anything to Snivellus.

I've lost all the good things in life.

Everything except Quidditch, and that is pretty much my only activity outside of classes right now. As soon as four o'clock comes, I have to get out of the castle before I can make a rude comment. Do I ever run.

This always makes Sirius laugh. He thinks the whole situation is funny, but he roots me on. He'll even say the mean stuff for me some of the time.

Evans is, of course, furious that I've made it for a whole week. She watches me as if I'll suddenly explode and start cursing at the teachers or something.

She'll be fit to be tied when next Sunday rolls around.

I have even more surprises for her. I'll be really nice to her.

*~*~*

Day Nine-Still Being Nice

"Hi, Lily, can I help you with that?" I asked rather gallantly.

She got a strange look on her face, looking between me and her stack of textbooks. "Why not?" she asked and shrugged. I found a dozen books piled in my arms. "Is the being nice thing working out for you?"

I gave her a withering glare, and she started laughing. "I guess not! It is funny to see you try, though."

"I think you just like to see me suffering."

"Perhaps that's true, but you do it so well."

"You think so?"

"Definitely."

"Are you flirting with you?

"I believe I am. I like you a lot more when you're being nice."

"Unfortunately, it isn't possible to remain this way for the rest of my life. I think it would pull a muscle or something."

"That's too bad."

"Where do you want to eat when we go to Hogsmeade? The Hog's Head?"

"Oh? Do I get to select the place? How lovely!" Lily gushed and I became scared. "I would love to get some tea at Madame Puddifoot's. You know, it's that new shop that isn't directly on High Street."

"I know." I knew all too well. The place was loaded with what I could only describe as frilly crap. Lace practically strangled you as you walked in. "Uhh, that will be...wonderful."

"Won't it?" she asked, her eyes glinting dangerously. I was worried. By now the two of us had made it to the common room, and I relinquished her books quite readily.

"Wanna put those away and then maybe go for a walk?"

"I would love to walk in the freezing cold with my one true love." I heard snickers burst out from the people surrounding us, and I could only scowl. She turned to look at them, and very deliberately turned back to me, saying, "I would actually go for a walk with you."

I raised my eyebrows, but the people around us started grasping their chests and collapsing onto the floor. "Honestly?"

"Sure, why not? You pretty much have to be nice for another week, so something amusing might happen. Let me put these away."

I won't delude my audience into believing she suddenly jumped me and snogged me with years of pent up passions; she didn't so much as hold my hand. Then again, even I can see through my arrogance now and again to notice she doesn't care much for me. I'm weakening her, though. She doesn't know, or maybe she doesn't want to admit it, but one day, Lily Evans will be mine.

*~*~*

Day Eleven-Dying a Painful Death

Have I mentioned how hard being nice is?

My God, I'm losing my bloody, adolescent-boy mind. I would love to run through the halls screaming and cursing.

The worst part is that everyone can see me cracking; I know they can, especially Lily. She gives me these looks with a smirk, and she knows I'm dying.

Snape isn't helping things either. He knows I'm over the barrel. He can say anything to me, but I can't say anything in return. He loves this.

*~*~*

Day Thirteen-Developing Nervous Habits to Replace My Genetically Inalterable Urge to Shred the Masses of Fools, Idiots, Dimwits, Morons, and Slytherins

HELP ME!

*~*~*

Day Fourteen-Thinking Lily Better Be One Hell of a Girl

I made it. I've sweated, thrown up, and nearly went mad in my quest to be kind for fourteen consecutive days, but by God, I did it.

I am James Potter-A God.

Next Hogsmeade weekend...week after next, I get two hours with Lily Evans, Hogwarts Head Girl, at Harry's Diner.

I have done something to please the gods.

*~*~*

Possibly the only thing harder than being nice is waiting for that date with Lily. Of course, she says it isn't a date, but we both know better.

The whole school knows better; I am continually being asked where we're going and what we're going to do, and if we're an official couple. Since she refuses to speak to me most of the time, I am assuming the last question can be answered with a no.

Sirius wrote my mother to say I finally got Lily to go out with me, and I considered killing him for that. She wrote a mushy, utterly disgusting letter back saying her 'little boy is growing up and making a big hit with the girls'. It was so embarrassing; I torched that letter quickly.

I'm not going to let anything get me down, though. No matter what, I was successful in earning a date from Lily Evans, and it was before Christmas holidays! Now I only needed to convince her she was wildly in love with me.

*~*~*

Finally, the eve of the big date arrived. I laid out the clothes I would wear the next day and put some special stuff on my hair when I went to bed that was supposed to make it lie flat. I have the distinct impression Lily doesn't like it messy. She is a strange girl sometimes.

Earlier, she had made plans for our date with me. I need some sort of written record of it. If I ever get a Pensieve, I'll put that in there for sure. She came up and asked me what time I wanted to meet her.

Meet HER for a DATE!

Anyway, she didn't seem too thrilled. One would almost think she didn't actually want to go with me. Then again, girls love to play hard to get, don't they? Fascinating creatures.

But tomorrow is the big day; Lily Evans will finally get to see the appealing side of me. Two hours alone at a diner with her. This ought to be good.

That night I only had nightmares. The first involved me showing up without clothes on. The second involved her shoving ice cream down my shirt in a manner that wasn't kinky...just cold. And then the last one was the worst. Lily morphed into Snape.

When I awoke, I was drenched in sweat and terrified.

The Trouble With Being Perfect

Chapter Seven - The Success of James Potter

Friendship is the perfection of love, and superior to love; it is love purified, exalted, proved by experience and a consent of minds. -Samuel Richardson

Then the big day arrived, and I really didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like I was going to blow up.or throw up. My whole life had boiled down to that point, and all my thoughts and emotions were roiling around inside my head as if they were suddenly going to start pouring out my ears and very possibly my eyes.

I couldn't sleep the night before, couldn't eat that morning, and was barely able to get myself dressed for the big day. I started shaking so badly Sirius had to tie my shoes before shooting a jet of water from his wand to thoroughly startle me. That really settled me back into my own skin. Until I started hoping I wouldn't screw up my big chance.

That's what started me thinking about all I have gone through to get her. I have made a complete ass of myself on numerous occasions just to gain her attention. All this time I have done nothing productive. All my lovely little jokes and stunts in front of her had all been unsuccessful. Nothing had made her go out with me until I did something completely uncharacteristic.

That said something to me, and it wasn't necessarily something I liked.

I'm not what she's looking for, but she is everything I've ever wanted.

She is everything anybody would want. She is nice and smart and pretty. And I have done nothing to deserve her. I have been rude and immature and mean and generally awful to her.

No wonder she had refused to go out with me. Now that was a sobering thought.

All at once my huge ego, my stacked arrogance, my layers of perfection cracked and crumbled and it hurt.

A thousand doubts came rushing to me, and I nearly crawled back under my nice and toasty blankets. There was something to be said for a nap on a cold winter morning.

My good pal Sirius quickly showed me the error in this.

So basically, I wouldn't have gone on this date if Sirius hadn't been there to drag me through the preliminary steps. Don't be fooled though, Sirius didn't hold my hand through this. He cursed, prodded, and generally made a huge ass of himself in the process. If I would've had time, I very likely would've killed the idiot.

In any case, he pushed me out of the dorm looking presentable, but that was all me. I am a naturally beautiful young man. Actually, I am naturally gorgeous. Once I'm old enough, I could definitely with the Witch Weekly Most Charming Smile Award.

Even if I was scared, I was still looking forward to going out with Lily. Something about her just makes me want to smile. That's why I like her so much. I met her in the common room, and amidst a great amount of comments, we went outside and clamored into a carriage that would whisk us off to Hogsmeade and my big break.

Any person who has ever been out with someone he or she really likes knows what happens next. Yes, that horrible, suffocating silence came, making me want to start babbling just to make it end. To make things even worse, Lily started laughing. I wanted to throw up. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Were the carriages supposed to be going this fast? We couldn't die on our first date! I hadn't even kissed her yet!

"You've been asking me out for five years, but now that we're finally going to Hogsmeade together, you can't string two words together to say to me?"

"I-uh." I wanted to cry. But then, I thought about what I was doing. This would be my only chance if I didn't straighten up. This was just like sitting next to her in Transfiguration. "I am overwhelmed by your incredible beauty and amazing wit."

"You are so weird. Anyway, what are our plans for today?"

"You mentioned you wanted to go to Madame Puddifoot's, so I figured we could eat an early lunch there. If you need to do any shopping, we could go do that. Then I was sort of thinking you might like to go ice skating. The pond on the south side of town is always frozen."

"I've never been ice skating before."

I contemplated lying in front of the carriage wheels. I was never more relieved than when she said that she would give it a try anyway. The only bump in the road was the whole Madame Puddifoot's thing. I had only been in there once before, and, well.it wasn't pretty.

"Do you go to Madame Puddifoot's much," I asked as we walked down High Street.

"Only on rainy days or when you're being particularly annoying. I've never seen you venture to this part of town before, so it was safe. I found someplace else to go, so it's safe to bring you here."

"Oh really? Where?"

"Only threats of a Dementor could drag it out of me."

"Well, uh, here we are." I opened the door for her and tried to sneak in behind her, hoping the proprietress wouldn't recognize me. I was immediately engulfed with lace and all things pink. "This is, uh..pretty."

Lily hid her face behind a menu, but I think she was laughing. I did the same as the portly Madame Puddifoot waddled her way to our table. "What will the two of you be having today?"

Lily ordered first, and then I addressed her without lowering the menu. I felt Lily start to tug it from my hands, but I held on tight.

"James, give her the menu so she can get our orders." I've heard that tone before. It's the one my mum uses when she thinks I'm acting up. Since it was Lily, I gave in and handed Madame Puddifoot the menu.

"I'll be bringing your drink still in the can," she said sharply. "Mind you don't touch anything."

"How can she remember one poor boy that accidentally broke a few glasses two years ago?"

"My guess would be that she remembered the boy that broke 183 glasses when his charm for a Slytherin missed," Lily said, laughing at me. I suddenly had a nasty feeling of realization.

"You remembered, and that's why chose to come here?"

"Why of course! Look at the atmosphere.who would actually want to spend time here? You're at risk of eating lace with every bite. It was worth it, though, to see you hide behind the menu."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"You have absolutely no idea, James."

I smiled and she smiled in return. There was something in that moment that made it ours. To me, it seemed like everything around us was swirling and diving, but we were the center of it all. She was still laughing at my menu disguise, and I don't think I had ever longed for her more.

"Let's get our food to go and eat at the pond. We can check out our competition," she suggested. I naturally agreed and we were soon on our way. The trip to the pond on the edge of town seemed to blur by while the blood in my ears roared. I must've been saying something amusing, because Lily smiled or laughed for most of the walk, and she did refrain from her awful comments.

"You look terribly serious."

I jumped at her sudden comment to me; it was right in the middle of her telling me about wanting to write for the Daily Prophet

"I was just thinking I am having a great time."

"You know what? I am too."

*~*~*

I became so wrapped up in everything we were doing that I didn't have time to carry on one of my inner reflections until we settled into a return carriage to Hogwarts. There's only one way that I have to describe the day.unmatchable. I've never had such a great time with anybody except Sirius, and that isn't really the same thing. Before, I might've been just a bit obsessed with Lily, but I've taken that up a step. That day with her made me feel happy and excited and amazed all at the same time. I was me only magnified. I have no idea what wrought the change in her. Maybe she saw me how I am without other people (Snivellus). Admittedly, I was incredibly charming and nice.

"I'm supposed to meet Pat at the lake now that we're back. I, uh, I had a nice time today, Potter."

"Me too," I said, wincing slightly as I spoke. My face was becoming a bit stiff after I slid halfway across the pond on it. Ouch. "Um, would you, er, want to, well-."

"Yes, I would. If you sit by me tomorrow in Charms, I promise not to call you a moron."

"I don't think I can resist an offer like that."

"Good." Lily smiled so that her eyes started crinkling at the edges, and I knew she was laughing at me, but I couldn't care less. She tucked her hair back and walked away. I watched her and I knew that no matter what, I would be sitting next to her in Charms the next morning.

The Trouble With Being Perfect

Chapter Eight - That's How Life Goes

No one ever approaches perfection except by stealth, and unknown to themselves.-Hazlitt

Umm, well, uh, tomorrow was a Sunday, so that invitation didn't quite work out. However, I did sit next to her on Monday. I sat next to her in every Charms class except for one the rest of the year. I worked up class period by class period until we sat together in almost every class. Transfiguration was the exception because I will always have a loyalty to the Marauders, and let's face the facts; it's great to pull McGonagall's strings. Every class period since first year has started with, "You there, settle down in the back!" Why would I want to change that?

Our relationship progressed from there, but Lily rarely made the first move. I think she was always waiting to see what I would do, and more than a little expecting I would suddenly explode like a lunatic. I admit though, being with Lily has made me different. I hesitate to say it has made me a bit nicer, but it has. When I am with her, it just isn't worth it to torment a random Slytherin. It will always be worth it, though, to taunt Snape. I love tormenting Snape, but I don't think I'll ever get tired of that. It really is a shame I don't see so much of him as I used to.

All Snapes aside, I have a great time when I'm with her. She just makes everything better by bringing a sort of sparkle and glow to things. She laughs with and at me and treats me like we've been friends all of our lives. She told me once that she saw something that day to dim all the terrible things I've done. Can you imagine that? One day out of our entire lives changed what she thought of me enough to just cut me a little slack and just give me a chance. I don't understand what I did to make her change her mind, but I am sure glad I did it.

For awhile, we were just friends. No matter how much I was near her, though, I just wanted more. I wanted more of her time, her attention, her thoughts, her everything. It was incredibly reassuring to realize that even when we became a couple, we were still great friends. We could do homework together without losing our minds or throw rocks in the lake and make it a game. Life with Lily is fun.

That is basically what it amounts to...fun. Everything was intensified when I was near her.

I had a lot to learn about Lily, despite my superior, er, research. She wasn't as social as I thought she was. I was incredibly shocked to find out she was more than happy to sit on the floor of the Gryffindor common room reading a book by herself or stare out the window. I'm a rather friendly person, so that was kind of hard to get used to, but at the same time, it was really, really nice. It was sort of a relief to be able to be near someone without going through the hassle of making a conversation when you actually want to think.

Lily's got the thinking thing down. Inside of her head there is apparently a whole little world where she can analyze every little detail and work out alternate scenarios and endings. Sometimes it's weird because I can see her thinking because it is obvious she isn't really with me. Her little anecdotes are priceless. When Sirius got stuck in the stairs, she commented it would have been funny if all the cats in the school would have started climbing on him. She always has something running through her mind, and a lot of times I sit and watch her think, just waiting to hear what she'll say next. Sad, isn't it?

Anybody could observe I was besotted with Lily from the start, but I could honestly say that I fell in love with her. I mean the real her, not the girl I was chasing around, but the one that I sat next to in class and sat in the old oak tree with. That was my Lily. I just knew it one day when I saw her sitting with a couple friends by the lake and I could say she was my girlfriend and I was extraordinarily proud of that. I lived to see her smile at me or have her hold my hand.

Yes, I know, all levels of pathetic.

But the thing is, she is it for me. My mum even likes her, what more could a good looking wizard such as me ask for? When I invited her home to meet them, they were shocked out of their bloody minds. They thought Sirius and I were planning a joke or something. So, they were speechless when they opened the door to a beautiful red-haired, green-eyed girl that went by the name of Lily. Mum squealed and looked around like she had lost grip on the world. Dad loved her.

Honestly, if I would've had any intention of letting her go, he would have adopted her. He has a scary fascination with Muggles, and since she was Muggle-born, he pumped her full of questions. She also fixed a curlinron for him. Muggles have crazy things.

Mum was a bit skeptical at first, but then she saw that Lily was a good dresser. Mum has this awful prejudice that involves clothes. She apparently thinks that if a girl can't match a skirt and blouse she can't be decent.

There are some things I just won't ever understand about women.

Lily and I did reach a terrifying point in our relationship three years after Hogwarts. The world has been scary for a long time, so that was only a small influence.

She had been a journalist for The Evening Prophet and a columnist for Witch Weekly for the past two years. She is honestly good at writing; I'd say that weird little world in her head helps her out. She regularly had front page articles and she even did interviews and reports for the Wizarding Wireless Network. Her charisma could be turned on like a sink and people all across England could hear her the way I do...when she is just bursting with excitement and life. Most importantly, Lily loved her job. And then she got the chance to move to Russia. Our Ministry of Magic was forming some sort of huge alliance with Russia, and The Prophet wanted a reporter installed as a foreign correspondent. Of course, they wanted Lily.

It was a huge break for her career; I couldn't help but be happy for her. She would be writing articles for Witch Weekly, The Prophet, and WWN News. Hell, I would be thrilled if I was her.

But I was scared for me. I wanted to scream and throw stuff, and I honestly felt out of control. I was at the point where the rage just boils and bubbles inside of you and you just shake with fury. Everything was great, but now my whole world could be blown to smithereens with one international Floo permit. If there was any way I could do it, I would quit the Ministry and move to Russia with her. Unfortunately, intelligence officials can't just switch countries. I was in a seriously bad spot. Even worse was that I didn't know exactly where I stood with her. We had flats on the same floor in Dover, but we didn't live together. I mentioned it once every six months, but she always had some sort of excuse not to. Her job kept her up at odd hours, she was messy, I was messy, Sirius would never leave us alone. She kept saying she loved me, but sometimes I wondered.

And then for the first time, she made the first move in our relationship.

We went to see a play in London one night and we had some really great balcony seats, procured by a family friend. I can't ever understand those things, so I was wallowing in my despair, trying desperately to solve my Lily problem. There seemed no way to win. I wouldn't be allowed to leave my job, and any way I could persuade her into staying would lead to her eternal regret and my eternal feelings of shoe scum.

Just as I was ready to ask Argentina to cry for me, Lily threw me for a first class loop. "James, would you marry me?"

I stared and simultaneously felt the room start spinning and blood start rushing in my ears.

She propped her elbow on my arm rest and I suddenly felt ready to laugh. She was going to be the rest of my life. "I would love to marry you."

We smiled, and of course, snogged until we were politely told to either take it outside or settle down. That was when a dejecting thought jumped into my head. "Whatever happened to Russia?"

"I was only going to take it if you said no. I want to be here with you." She took my hand, "Forever."

*~*~*

That's how I got Lily Evans to be mine. She is mine, you know. We got married and now we have Harry. Harry is mine too, and I'm not sure of which one I'm prouder to have. There's no doubt my little boy is going to grow up to be every bit as charming and handsome as me. After all, someone as perfect as me has to have a perfect baby, right? Besides that, he has the perfect mother, so the lucky boy is destined for uber-perfection.

What's the moral of this story? You are responsible for your own life. I was, and it turned out rather nicely. Some people believe in fate, but I definitely don't. Perhaps people are given goals, but no life is ever concretely planned. Just imagine being given a hand of cards and being told that this was what you've got and nothing else. No chance to draw, discard, or trade. Each person's life is their own, and it is their own responsibility to make it what they want. Everybody should set their sights on what they want and dedicate themselves to achieving it.

That's what life is about...working to get what you want. Just think of it as a trip and getting there is half the fun because life is short and you have to enjoy every day you have. I worked for years to get Lily to like me, but I didn't stop living just because she told me to get lost. In a way, that makes it even better, because I can see how much happier I am with her.

The most important thing, though, is be happy. Sometimes life is just a big pain in the arse, and your whole being screams to just throw in the towel and conform, but you can't do that. Life is about being happy and laughing and talking and thinking and crying. Tears and sadness are inevitable and they are little detours to your goal, but what matters is how fast you can get back up and on your way again. And when you get back on, you remember how it was to fall down and try to avoid it again, but don't let it dictate life from that point. Then you finally reach your goal, and you discover the work isn't over. You have to hang on and never let go. That's what I did, and that is just how life goes. Do you know how I know I am right about this?

I am James Potter, and I am perfect.

Perfection itself is imperfection. -Horowitz

The End