Every Time I Close My Eyes

Chapter 7

A New Alliance

Hermione was so very, very confused. Why couldn't things be simple like they used to be? Now, she loved Harry!

It had been two days since Harry left and Hermione had no idea where Harry had gone to and she wasn't so sure that she'd try to contact him even if she found him. What on earth would she say?

Hermione pulled a book off the library shelf only to replace it again. She was trying to distract herself but she just couldn't. She sat down huffily in a leather chair by the window. Closing her eyes against the sunlight, she made a half-hearted attempt to sort out her feelings.

Hermione was sure that she loved Harry. It's hard to explain. Since their fifth year at Hogwarts, Hermione had had this strange feeling in the pit of her heart whenever conversation turned to Harry or if she saw him walking around. The feeling in her heart only got stronger over the years and these last couple weeks it had felt the strongest. In all her waking hours he was all she thought about, it never ceased. She'd be teaching a class and wondering what Harry was doing at that very moment. She'd sadly ponder how long he'd loved her. She'd have flashbacks all day long to periods of time when she'd felt that weird feeling in her heart got stronger. Times like the time when she kissed him on the cheek at Platform 9 ¾, or the time when she and Harry had been running around the living room when he wanted to tie her down and ended up hurting her by accident. The scene that played itself in her head most, however, was the last time she'd seen Harry. She would sometimes bring her fingers to her lips, recalling how his had felt against hers. Thinking about Harry made her feel like crying but she couldn't stop herself.

Recently Harry had invaded the sanctity of her dreams that she had only reserved for Ron since fourth year. The dreams with Harry were not like the dreams she had had with Ron. In Ron dreams he would take her on some sort of romantic date like a movie or dinner and always ended with a goodnight kiss at her door. Harry's dreams were strange romantic adventures where she would be some sort of damsel in distress and Harry, of course, would be the hero to save her. There were also a lot of Ron-like dreams only Harry was substituted for Ron.

When Hermione was not sleeping at night she was normally crying. How could she have let Harry go? How could she let him leave? She needed him more than ever. She'd spend entire nights in tearful silence, thinking back to when Harry would hold her close and whisper consoling things in her ears. Into the waking hours of the dawn she'd remember all the things that made Harry dear to her. Now that he was gone she didn't know what to do. She had never thought of a day without Harry. It had always been too scary to think about, but now she had to face reality and the fact that Harry was gone. She was terrified. Terrified beyond all reasoning. The thought that she might never see him again settled in and she felt ill. Those she worked with noticed that she had stopped eating and she was developing dark circles under her eyes. She would fall asleep at her desk and moan in her sleep, "Where are you Harry?"

It's just a crush. It isn't real. Hermione had reasoned with herself at the beginning. Her subconscious knew that this was a lie, however. Still not satisfied with this reasoning, she got up and left the library and crossed the town, headed home to Harry and Hermione's flat.

Hermione turned the keys so that the lock slid back into the door and tossed them down on the side table. She almost called out, "I'm home!" but remembered with a heavy heart that there'd be no one to respond.

Hermione looked up and gasped, clutching a hand to her chest. She closed the door silently and walked to the couch.

Rachel was perched on the back of the couch, her arms folded over her chest and an expression on her face like that a cat wears when awaiting a mouse.

"About time you got home," she spat venomously. Hermione, still shocked, stuttered,

"H-how did you get in here?"

Rachel rolled her eyes and held up her wand. Hermione flushed. Of course... Rachel got slowly to her feet and strolled casually over to where Hermione stood gawking. Rachel put her hands on her hips and glanced at Hermione disapprovingly.

"What is it you want, Rachel?" Hermione asked nervously, not having the faintest idea why Rachel might be here.

"I wanted to have a chat with you," she replied, saying the word "chat" somewhat sarcastically. Hermione nodded, not knowing what to do next. Rachel stood, still thin-lipped, and walked over and sat down on Harry and Hermione's couch. Hermione took the hint and did the same.

"You love Ron don't you?" Rachel said suddenly as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Hermione was so taken aback that she sat with her mouth hanging open. She regained her composure slightly, although still too shocked to speak.

Rachel's expression was one of mingled smugness and rage. She stood up and crossed her arms over her chest and exclaimed loudly,

"I knew it!"

Hermione stood up, too. Rachel glared at her.

"I suspected it from the moment I met you. I knew it from the way you looked at him. Immediately I knew it and I knew that I must not let you have him!"

Hermione's mouth fell open again. She made a sort of gagging noise but Rachel cut her off.

"I know why you wanted to do our wedding! You're trying to sabotage it, don't deny it!"

Hermione regained her senses at this outburst and glared angrily at Rachel. Then she softened.

"Yes..."

"What?!?" Rachel exclaimed, amazed that Hermione actually admitted it. Hermione looked down at the ground.

"Yes, I did want to sabotage it," she said sadly.

"-I knew it!" Rachel interrupted again. Hermione looked up at her in indignation.

"But I don't anymore!" She said rather defiantly.

"Oh, and why's that?" Rachel asked skeptically. Hermione looked down at the floor again, knowing the reason but being very reluctant to speak it to Rachel.

"Because..."

"Because what?" Rachel snapped impatiently.

"Because he loves you!!!" Hermione shot back, equally as agitated as Rachel. Now it was Rachel's turn to look taken aback.

"I know Ron loves you and you make him happy. I've tried to learn to accept that and I think I have."

Rachel sat down on the couch again, staring at Hermione in open-mouthed disbelief. Hermione sat down next to her. As Hermione closed her eyes, a flashback entered into her mind's eye.

~

"You'll just have to become her friend."

Hermione looked at him in disbelief.

"What?!?!"

She snapped. He shrugged.

"You'll have to make friends."

She sat down next to him and began to attempt to reason with him.

"Make friends with her? You're kidding! Do you not remember what she's like?"

~

Hermione decided it was time to take Harry's advice. She opened her eyes and looked at Rachel surprised to find that she had dropped her angry demeanor and suddenly looked to Hermione for the first time like a normal human being.

"Rachel, I did love Ron, but I don't anymore. Two days ago I went to Scotland to tell Ron that I loved him," Hermione held up a hand to Rachel who was about to interrupt.

"But I didn't tell him. I couldn't. I looked into his eyes and saw how very happy he is and I would rather die than take that away. Besides, I love someone else as well who loves me too, but..." Hermione's voice trailed off.

Rachel's big brown eyes were suddenly soft and sympathetic, something that looked alien on her. She said, in a lower tone of voice,

"Harry?"

Hermione looked up at her in shock.

"How did you know?"

"It was almost as obvious that he loved you as it was obvious how you loved Ron."

Hermione looked down in embarrassment. She sniffed.

"I've really screwed things up," Hermione said sadly. Then Rachel said something that Hermione would never forget, even until her dying day.

"I'm sorry."

Hermione looked up at her, amazed to see tears forming in the corners of Rachel's eyes. Rachel's long dark brown hair was falling into her face and she brushed it away.

"I'm sorry, Hermione."

Hermione was once again numb with disbelief. Hermione watched as Rachel began to break down crying.

"I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. You must have been hurting so badly already and I just made it all worse! I was so jealous that I wanted to hurt you and show you that Ron was mine! I love him so much and I couldn't bear to even think that someone else might take him away! I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!"

In Hermione's mind she recalled a quote from the wise young girl Anne Frank, whose diary Hermione had read over summer vacation in sixth year. "...Yet I cling to them because I still believe, is spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart." Now she really understood what that meant.

"You really do love Ron?" was all Hermione could think of to say. Rachel blinked up at her through her tears.

"With all my heart."

And for some reason Hermione could not explain, she hugged Rachel. She threw her arms around her and hugged her. Rachel, stunned, sat there for a moment and then hugged her back. Hermione pulled back.

"I'm happy for you. Don't be so hard on yourself. I hated you out of jealousy too, I was just too much of a coward to do anything," Hermione said. Rachel laughed. The two of them sat there on the couch in embarrassed silence for a while.

"Rachel, I would like nothing better than to be your friend," Hermione said, and she wasn't lying either. She really meant it. Rachel smiled.

"I would like that very much."

Hermione felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted off of her. She looked over at Rachel. Now that Hermione was not blinded by jealousy, she was able to look at her for the first time and actually see her as a human being. Rachel had been a jealous girl, and acted just like Hermione would have if their situations had been switched. Rachel was a very pretty girl and when she wasn't insanely jealous of Hermione, she had a very pleasant demeanor. Deep in her heart Hermione briefly hoped that Harry would be proud of what she did that day.

_-_-_

"I'm sorry for all the mean things I said to you, Hermione, about your dress for the wedding. I was so jealous that I could not think of anything else!"

"-Stop apologizing already and hold still!" Hermione laughed. They were just making sure that the wedding dress that Rachel had picked out fit the way she wanted it to. It was a day before the wedding and finally Hermione was ok with everything. Well, almost everything. Harry had still not contacted her and nobody seemed to know where he was.

Since Rachel and Hermione had become friends, Rachel had tried her hardest to make up for everything she'd done to Hermione. Once Rachel and Hermione stopped hating each other, they found out that they got along splendidly. Rachel took Hermione to the mall right after the scene in Hermione's flat and they'd gotten an ice cream cone. This morning Rachel had popped over to Hermione's flat and taken her out to breakfast, from which they had stopped to pick up the dresses from David's Bridal.

"You'll knock him out of his socks," Hermione said, smiling. It was true; Rachel did look stunning in the dress that she'd picked out. Rachel blushed. The man behind the counter came out from behind a veil in the back and had a long white box in his hand. He handed it to Rachel and said,

"The dress you requested, ma'am."

"Thank you," Rachel said and anxiously opened the lid of the box. She looked over at Hermione and motioned to her to come closer. Hermione took a few curious steps closer and was surprised when Rachel thrust the box enthusiastically at her.

Hermione took the box cautiously and opened the lid. Inside was a beautiful deep blue dress with embroidered roses along the edges of the sleeves, the hem of the skirt, and the low cut neckline of the top. The material was silky and the skirt of the dress was covered in sparkles that gave the appearance of the night sky.

"Will you be my Maid of Honor?" Rachel asked, grinning so big all her pearly white teeth showed. Hermione was stunned.

"W-w-what? Shouldn't your best friend be your maid of honor? I mean, why me?"

"That's just it," Rachel said as she hopped down from the platform she'd been standing on. "Ron is my best friend and I'm sure he'd be ecstatic if you were my maid of honor. And besides, I want you to be."

Hermione was so deeply touched that she just stood and stared at the dress. She gingerly extracted it.

"It's beautiful."

"I thought you'd like it."

"Like it? I love it!"

"Go try it on."

"Now?"

"Of course now!"

Hermione smiled and ran excitedly to the dressing room. She came out a few minutes later looking absolutely fabulous in the dress. She stood up on the platform that Rachel had previously occupied and looked at her reflection. It was perfect, absolutely perfect.

"Now who's going to knock the socks off of who?" Rachel exclaimed happily. Hermione was confused.

"What do you mean?"

Rachel rolled her eyes.

"After the husband and wife dance they always have a dance for all the bridesmaids and groom's men."

"So?"

Rachel grinned at Hermione's stupidity.

"The maid of honor, that's you, always dances with the Best Man."

"Who's that going to be?"

Rachel looked at Hermione in shock. Hermione was completely dumbfounded.

"Who is Ron's best friend in the world?"

Hermione gasped, realization suddenly dawning on her.

"Harry!"

"Bingo!"

Hermione looked back at her reflection. She had forgotten that Harry was going to be in the wedding. All this time she had been afraid that she would never see him again. An anxious feeling came over her as she looked at herself in the mirror. I'll tell him during the dance. She thought to herself, smiling as she turned to see all of the dress. She grinned at Rachel.

"Watch out Harry, 'cause Hermione's comin'!" Rachel exclaimed, clapping her hands together excitedly as Hermione stepped down from the platform and headed back to the dressing room to take off the dress.