After You Fall

After You Fall

By: Kinoryo

He stood there in silence. There were so many things he wanted to say but he found himself at a loss for words. For so long he had loved her and wanted to tell. They had tried being together for two months in seventh year, but he pushed her away and their relationship failed. At first he said that he couldn't because it would put her in danger. Then after the threat was gone, he said that he didn't want to chance jeopardizing their friendship like they'd almost done in seventh year. Now he knew that the only reason he hadn't told her was because he'd been afraid. He was more afraid of telling her that he loved her than he'd ever been of Lord Voldermort.

Now he stood in the dressing room for the groom and groomsmen. It was the day he'd been dreading since he'd found out about the wedding four months ago. Ron was getting married. It was sad enough just to think about his best friend getting married and starting his life. What really killed Harry more than anything was that Ron was getting married to Hermione.

For years upon years Harry had loved Hermione. He had watched her when she wasn't looking and loved her so much that he'd forget to breathe. He'd been so happy when they'd been going out in seventh year. But then the threat of Voldermort caused him to worry about her safety and he broke up with her. That was the worst thing he'd ever done in his entire life and although it caused him more pain than he'd ever felt, he'd do it again if he thought it would keep her safe. Right now, however, he was regretting that move. He kept wondering if things would have turned out differently if he'd never broken up with her.

"Are you all right, Harry?"

Harry snapped out of his trance and looked up. Fred (or maybe George, he couldn't tell) was fixing his tie in the mirror, looking at Harry in the reflection. Ron was pacing the floor so much that a faint trail had appeared where he had trod. Ron kept muttering things and wringing his hands in anticipation.

Harry walked slowly over to his best friend and put a comforting hand on his shoulder to stop him from walking. Ron looked at him. His expression was one of fear and excitement, but mostly fear.

"I don't think I can do this!" he exclaimed, putting his face in his hands. He sat down on a chair and Harry knelt down next to him so that he could look him in the face. Harry, in spite of the misery he was feeling, smiled at his friend.

"You can, Ron. You've loved her since fourth year, besides," Harry said, a sudden feeling of sadness stabbing him in the chest, "she loves you."

"You really think so?" Ron asked hopefully, lookin reassured. Harry smiled, his eyes getting ever so slightly moist.

"Yeah," Harry said quietly. "I know she does."

~

So now love is gone

And I can't go on

Love is gone

I want to say - now it's just too late

~

Harry was standing at the front of the church next to Ron. He looked out at the sea of faces. Mrs. Weasley was crying in the front row on the groom's side and Mrs. Granger was crying on the bride's side. Most of the witches and wizards on the groom's side had fiery red hair.

Harry tried to concentrate on something, but found him mind slipping away, away to times that seemed so long ago.

*~*~*

Harry was walking down the halls of Hogwarts, hand in hand with Hermione. She was wearing the silver heart necklace Harry'd given her for Christmas and a smile on her face. She looked over at him, her eyes shinning with admiration that he knew was reflected in his own.

"What are you thinking about?" Hermione asked softly. Harry smiled and brought her hand to his lips.

"About how beautiful you are," he said plainly. Hermione blushed which, in Harry's opinion, made her even more beautiful.

"Stop that," she giggled, swatting at his arm as he kissed the back of her hand, making loud, slurpy noises. Harry smiled and kissed her lightly on the lips.

*~*~*

You would think that two teenagers dating would have told each other that they loved each other at one point or another, but they didn't. When Harry and Hermione had broken up, each was convinced that their relationship hadn't been real, that they hadn't really been in love. It had only been a crush, a simply matter of infatuation. Maybe that had been the case for Hermione, but not for Harry.

*~*~*

"I think we should see other people, Hermione," Harry said, not bringing his eyes up to meet hers. Hermione's heartbreak was evident on her face.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that this isn't... This isn't working."

"What do you mean? I thought we were doing great!" she exclaimed, putting a hand on his shoulder. He jerked away. Hermione had no idea how hard she was making this for him.

"Well... Well maybe it's only you who thinks that!" he said quietly, not meaning what he was saying at all.

"But... I don't... I mean that I never thought..." Hermione's voice trailed off. Harry sat there quietly as she stood up and ran back to the castle, leaving Harry alone under their tree. Her sobs reached his ears and stung him like thorns.

He sat there for a minute, watching the ebb and flow of the water on the shore as the giant squid lashed about, and then he began to cry as well.

*~*~*

If you would ask Harry Potter what his worst memory was, he'd say that it would be the final battle against Voldermort where Lupin and Hagrid were killed. In truth, it was this memory. The memory where he broke up with Hermione when he wanted nothing more than to keep her safe; was the worst one by far.

*~*~*

Harry walked into his, Ron, and Hermione's flat. He tossed his keys on the side table and walked into the living room. Hermione was sitting casually on the sofa, a bowl of popcorn in her hand. She looked up as he entered and smiled.

"What's up? Ron's working late tonight and he said he won't be home until around midnight," Hermione said. She took a bite of popcorn. Harry walked over to where she sat on the couch and sat down.

"What are you watching?" he asked, taking a handful of popcorn and looking at the TV screen. It was some sort of old black and white movie. Hermione smiled.

"An Affair to Remember. It's one of my favorites. I love Cary Grant."

Harry smiled as Hermione settled herself closer to him. It turned out that they were having a Cary Grant marathon. Harry and Hermione sat there on the couch together late into the night.

They were sitting there in silence, watching My Favorite Wife, when Hermione scooted herself closer to him and let her head fall onto his chest. Harry froze for a moment, enjoying the feel of her so near to him. Harry looked down at her head.

"H-Hermione?"

"Uh-huh?"

"I-I love..."

Harry stopped and inhaled deeply to steady himself.

"I love you."

There was no response. Harry sat up a little straighter. Hermione sat up.

"Oh," she yawned. "I must have dozed off. I'm sorry, Harry, did you say something?"

"No, Hermione. Let's go to bed, it's late."

And he sadly turned off the television and headed off to bed.

*~*~*

~

Waited far too long

Should have told you then I knew

Should have told you right from the start - yeah

But the words didn't come out right

So I'll tell you straight from my heart

You meant more to me

Than I let you see

~

Harry looked up as the congregation rose. Hermione would soon be coming down that aisle. Sure enough, there she was. She looked breathtakingly beautiful. It hurt Harry too much to look at her.

*~*~*

"Harry," Ron said, "I have a question for you."

Harry looked up at him from the cheeseburger he was eating. He choked down what was in his mouth.

"Yeah, what is it?"

Ron and Hermione exchanged excited glances.

"Will you be my best man?"

Harry was so glad that he was not drinking anything at that moment or he would have sprayed the pair of them with it.

"Your-your-"

"-Best man!" Ron finished for him, smiling. Hermione smiled and held out her hand to show Harry the glittering ring.

"We wanted you to be the first to know. We're getting married!"

*~*~*

~

You held on somehow

All your tenderness and your sweet caress

I miss you now

But a head strong stubborn man

Only works it out the best he can

Valentines he never sent

There's not enough time he's a workingman

~

Hermione was smiling, but Harry could see the tears on her cheeks as her father kissed her and gave her away. Harry felt the urge to run over to her and brush those tears away, but he remained rooted to where he was by some outside force.

Harry watched with a heavy heart as Hermione took her place next to Ron at the front. Harry didn't know if he'd be able to take it. He looked away, tears now threatening his own eyes.

~

Can't stop falling

Heartaches calling

Finds you after the fall

Saints or sinners

Take no prisoners

What's left - after you fall?

~

Harry watched as if outside his own body as the minister married his two friends. The words came out of the minister's mouth as if at the other end of a tunnel. Harry felt himself floating away. He heard faintly as the minister said,

"Do you Ron, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Ron turned to Hermione and looked her lovingly in the eyes.

"I do."

"And do you Hermione, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Harry inhaled deeply. He didn't know if he could watch. Hermione turned to Ron.

~

No not much no

I said love is gone

I can't go on

Now love is gone

I want to say but it's just too late

Waited far too long

Should have told you then I knew

Should have told you right from the start - yeah

But the words didn't come out right

So I'll tell you straight from my heart

~

It was the reception now. The lanterns were dimly lit around the dance floor as Ron and Hermione shared their first dance as husband and wife. Harry was barely paying attention. Around him spirits were high and laughter rang out every once and a while. Harry sat in his seat at the head table and watched the stars twinkling beyond the canopy above them. He hadn't even noticed that the music had changed.

"Harry."

The soft voice made him jump. Hermione was standing in front of him, smiling gently.

"Can I have this dance?"

Harry nodded and got up from his seat for the first time since he sat down in it. He walked around the table. Harry took her hand and the two of them stepped onto the dance floor.

Harry put a hand on her waist and took her hand in his as she laid her other hand on his shoulder. He was careful not to hold her too close as the revolved slowly on the spot. He was vaguely aware of Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk playing in the background.

"Nothing is going to change, Harry," Hermione said suddenly, looking up at him with big brown eyes.

"I know," Harry said, his voice cracking. Hermione nodded and drew herself closer to him. Once the song was done, Hermione gave Harry a hug. While she was hugging him she whispered into his ear,

"I did love you, you know."

~

Can't stop falling

Heartaches calling

Finds you after the fall

Saints or sinners

Take no prisoners

What's left - after you fall?

No not much, no

Oh no not much

After the fall

After you fall

~

The reception was drawing to a close and everyone was standing by the street, watching as Hermione and Ron got into their limousine with white streamers and balloons tapped to it and a big sign that said Just Married.

Everyone stood and waved goodbye, everyone except Harry, who was standing in the shadow of a nearby tree. As he watched his two best friends speed out of sight, a tear rolled slowly down his cheek.

"I love you, Hermione," he whispered to the cold night air, but it was too late. Hermione was gone, too far out of his reach.

~

After you - fall

~

The End