If I Were a Piece of Cheese...

If I were a piece of cheese...part C.

Whoot! Giggle bubble and pop.

Sorry but I must keep up appearances. I Harry Potter defeated Lord Voldemort. Then I Harry Potter banged my head on a rock and got a mild concussion. However people (specifically Hermione and Molly Weasley) decided that I had gone insane.

So why do you keep this appearance of insanity up (?) you may ask. Basically it's the only way to get them to leave me alone.

All they wanted to do was ask me question, after question, after question about my defeat of the Dark Lord. The truth is it was really easy and ultimately an accident. I was losing dreadfully at a duel with him and, as you know, I really hate to lose! So being a rather pissed off huffy youth I reverted to hitting him with a rubber chicken (which had been conjured earlier in the duel). Fortunately for me it was his one weakness.

If I were a piece of cheese I would be the most famous piece of cheese this world has ever known. No seriously, every one worships the ground I walk on. Girls are practically throwing themselves at me (or at least were before Hermione told everyone that I am "mad")

Did I tell you the problem Hermione's been having with Ron? You know! Oh...well... that kind of spoils my story. How stupid is she. He is so obviously infatuated with her. Let's just say that he yells Hermione's name at night and wakes he up covered in sweat every morning. It's the funniest thing ever! And I thought the spiders were hilarious.

Draco has asked me to be his best man for his wedding to Ginny. Can you believe it? My worst enemy wants ME to be his best man. I agreed as I am such an "obliging boy" --or so Mrs Weasley believes-- and after all Draco did loose his family too.

I am in love. Not with Cho as Ron thinks I still am, but rather with Luna Lovegood. I know it sounds crazy but she was a fantastic help in my defeat of lord Voldemort and a great friend in her agreeing not to tell the others about the method of my victory. Luna and I are planning a holiday to New Zealand where she can look for a Wartichoke (????) and I can practise my Quidditch skills.

I have been asked to play Seeker for England. I think it's a fantastic opportunity and a great chance to try out my new move, the aptly named...Rubber Chicken. I love my new robes and Bill and Charlie have been helping me practise in my spare time. Practise has been difficult recently though as Mrs Weasley believes that I "ought not be outside" in my "condition". It's times like this that I thank Merlin for the Weasley twins. Fred and George's latest invention "Weasleys' undetectable walls" has been fantastic in keeping my quidditching exploits a closely guarded secret from Hermione and Molly.

Tomorrow I go to try on my best man robes. Whoopee (that's sarcasm for the dimmer witted people out there) so I'm going to bed now, no doubt another night of "oh Hermione...'mione...oh" I can't wait until the day when he finally tells her how he feels and stops contributing to my phenomenal lack of sleep.