Remember When...?

"Remember when

Thirty seemed so old?

Now looking back

It was just a stepping stone

To where we are

Where we've been

We said we'd do it all again

Remember when?"

Harry Potter drew his knees up to his chin. He stared across the surface of the lake. No more, he thought. No more. First Sirius, then Ron...my heart can't take it any more.

He'd lost his godfather the previous year--he'd been murdered. The situation was actually his fault, and he still blamed himself for Sirius's death.

Ron had just died three months before, in June, shortly after his seventeenth birthday. He'd had cancer.

Harry was tired of losing people. He was afraid that it was his fault all these people so close to him were dying. Therefore, he had resolved not to let anyone else into his heart. He was even beginning to shut out the people he had once been close to, for fear of hurting anyone else. He was especially afraid of hurting Hermione.

Harry and Hermione had started to go out the previous year. She meant the world to him, and he to her. That's what hurt him the most. To avoid hurting her, he had to suffer such intense pain himself. At least, that had been his intent at the beginning of the year. Now, in mid-September, he was beginning to forget that he and Hermione and the Weasleys had ever been friends. He could hardly remember the bond he'd had with Sirius. Lupin, the returning Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, seemed to him just another teacher, as though there had never been any special connection between them. Only Hermione realised this. The others thought he was simply grieving, and in a way he was, but in grieving he had created a new world for himself, a world where his friends had never existed, and the lines between reality and fantasy were becoming extremely blurred in his mind. The only thought he could coherently hold on to was that he would allow no one else to enter his heart.

He heard a noise behind him. Quickly, he stood up and turned around. It was Hermione.

"Oh...hello," Harry said, as though they were just casual acquaintances, turning back to look at the lake. Hermione's eyes filled with tears.

"Harry," she said quietly. "Harry, what's happened to you? It hurts me to see you like this, Harry...you mean too much to me for me to let you suffer like this."

Harry looked up at her. "What do you mean, I mean too much to you?" he said slowly. "Just because I'm Head Boy and you're Head Girl..."

Hermione gasped. She began to cry--she couldn't help it. "Oh, Harry...you really don't remember?"

"Remember what?" Harry asked quietly, turning back to the lake.

Hermione took a deep, calming breath. "Remember when we were first years? You and Ron thought I was an insufferable know-it-all...Ron did up until the day he died, actually. Remember Halloween? The troll in the bathroom? You and Ron saved my life...and I took the blame and got you two out of trouble." She gave him a small--very, very small--smile. "Ron told me later that it was all your idea. That was really brave of you, Harry."

Memories flashed across Harry's mind--Professor Quirrel running in and announcing that there was a troll in the dungeons, the huge mountain troll, the elation he felt when it fell, the relief when he saw that Ron and Hermione were all right...He raised his head a little. Hermione could tell he was listening, so she plunged on.

"Remember when we went into the third floor corridor together? You were so surprised when Ron and I said we were going with you...and every stage of the game your first concern was for us. Your second was for whether or not Quirrel already had the Stone...your third was for us too. I don't think you ever thought of yourself...Dumbledore said that as soon as you woke up you wanted to know what happened to the Stone, and if everyone was all right. Remember that? And then our second year...I will admit that flying that car to Hogwarts was a pretty stupid idea, but I'll forgive you because I'm willing to bet it was Ron's. And you went into the Chamber of Secrets and saved Ginny...remember how happy Ron was? You saved the whole school from the basilisk...oh, you must remember, Harry, you nearly died. I--when I heard that, all I could think was how lucky I was not to have lost you."

Harry looked down, trying not to show the well of feelings that sprung up in him...and remembering the quiet acceptance he'd felt when he realised he was going to die in that chamber...that Ginny would die...that he never got to say goodbye to Hermione.

Hermione could tell he was remembering. Swallowing, she continued. "And remember our third year? Lupin helping you with the Patronus charm...defending you, standing up for you, covering for you...and the way you felt--the way I knew you felt by the look in your eyes--when you understood that Sirius was willing to let you live with him...even if you never were able to."

"I wouldn't have been able to anyway," Harry said softly as memories came flowing back. "Dumbledore said that...that something about my aunt keeps me safe...that as long as I can still call my aunt's house my home I will be safe during the summer."

Hermione didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Harry remembered something...but what a memory. "Remember when your name came out of the Goblet of Fire our fourth year? You were so upset...and no one believed you really hadn't put your name in except Dumbledore..."

"And McGonagall," Harry supplied in almost a whisper. "And Hagrid...and you." He turned to face her. "You've always believed me...and I never appreciated it. I'm sorry."

"But you did, Harry," Hermione said quietly. "You did...and even if you didn't tell me verbally, you told me by the look in your eyes."

Harry didn't answer. He just lowered his eyes and turned back to the lake.

Hermione felt that she was losing him. Hesitantly, she continued. "I know you remember our fifth year. Remember how upset we were about Umbridge? The DA? That prophesy? Our huge battle in the Department of Mysteries? You probably remember that better than I do...I was unconscious...remember?"

Harry nodded slowly. "I was never more relieved as when Neville found your pulse...I was afraid that you were dead."

Hermione bit her lip. "And last year...remember when we found out that Ron had cancer? Remember last Christmas, when all the sixth years got together and read during Christmas vacation, and we let Draco come up with us because he was the only other student left at the castle? We made a pact...we're going to get together and do it again this Christmas. And on Christmas morning..."

"We started out with the passages from the King James Bible," Harry remembered slowly. "Then we all sat together at breakfast...I don't think I'd ever seen Snape or McGonagall more surprised."

Hermione nodded. "Right. Then we went back up to our dormitories and opened our presents together. I'm still wearing the necklace you gave me...remember how happy I was? And that night we took a walk around the lake and we..." She trailed off, remembering how much she had cried because she was scared of something--probably what her mother would think--and the way he'd held her, telling her it was all right and that everything would be fine. She still didn't know why she'd been so scared that her mother would overreact to a little kiss.

Harry felt oddly like crying himself. He didn't say anything again.

Hermione's lip trembled. She stretched her arm out like she wanted to put her hand on his shoulder. "Please come back to us, Harry," she whispered. "Please. When we lost Ron, I was afraid we'd lose you too. Please don't prove me right. This is one time I'd like to be able to say I was wrong."

Harry didn't move for a moment. Then, very slowly, he raised his head. Slowly he turned around until he faced an anxious-looking Hermione. Their eyes met for a moment, warm mahogany and piercing emerald. A slow smile crept across his face. He reached out and took her outstretched hand, then pulled her to him. She began to cry again, from exhaustion and relief, half-laughing at the same time. Harry cried too, realising how close he'd come to losing himself and everyone he cared about.

After they'd both calmed down a bit, they drew back slightly. Strains of music floated down from a window, and the two of them began to waltz as the music played. In that magical moment, Hermione knew that Harry was going to be all right.

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End theme "Remember When" by Alan Jackson

Quote from "Remember When" by Alan Jackson

Harry Potter, copyright WB, J.K. Rowling, and Bloomsbury and Scholastic Publishers, inc.

Story, copyright KelseyPotter