Petunia's Story

Petunia sat on the steps impatiently. "How much longer now?" she asked her mother.

Mrs. Evans sighed. "A minute less than the last time you asked me," she replied. "Honestly, Petunia, you're worse than you were ten years ago!"

"Sorry, Mum," apologised Petunia. "I'm excited, that's all."

Her mother gave her an apologetic smile. "Actually, I am too." She moved into the kitchen. "I was wondering if you two wanted to help make Christmas dinner this year, since Lily's friends are coming."

"Not unless you want spaghetti with chocolate frosting again," quipped Petunia, and her mother laughed. When the girls were seven, they had made spaghetti as a surprise for their mother and put chocolate frosting on it. Mrs. Evans had practically gone into cardiac arrest when she saw it, but the girls' father was too busy laughing to go into shock.

"I'm joking, sort of," said Mrs. Evans. "You learned how to bake cake, right?"

"Cake, cookies, pie, tarts, pudding, torte, you name it," said Petunia. "Why?"

"Well," said Mrs. Evans, "I was hoping you'd make dessert."

Petunia jumped up in excitement. "Sure!"

"Great," laughed her mom. "I'm looking forward to it. Maybe Lily will help you."

Petunia brightened up further at mention of her sister. "Oh, I hope so." She peered out of the window. "When will she be here?"

Mrs. Evans sighed and checked her watch, then grinned. "Any minute now."

As she spoke, the doorbell rang. "I'll get it!" shrieked Petunia.

"Go ahead," said Mrs. Evans.

Petunia jumped up and ran over to the door. She threw it open, revealing her sister and four boys. "Lily! You're home!" she cried.

"Rose!" cried Lily, embracing her sister.

"I thought you said her name was Petunia," said one boy, who had unruly black hair and grey eyes. He also wore narrow, gold, oval-shaped glasses and looked very confused.

"It is," said Petunia.

"Rose is her nickname," explained Lily. "When we were little, we had trouble with Petunia. At first I called her Tuni, but we decided that sounded too much like Tuna, so we changed it to Rose, which is her middle name."

"Oh," said the boy. He held out his hand. "Nice to meet you, Rose. I'm James Potter."

Petunia shook his hand warmly. "Lily's told me all about you," she said with a smile.

"I'm Sirius Black," declared the next boy. He had dark brown hair and a goofy smile. He reminded Petunia of a dog--a Newfoundland. He seemed kind of--well, goofy.

"I'm Peter Pettigrew," said the next boy, a short, fat boy who reminded Petunia of a bowling ball. He had grubby brown hair and a greasy windbreaker, and seemed more like a tagalong than a real friend.

The final boy hung back shyly until Sirius and James pushed him forward. "I--I--" he stuttered nervously.

"Oh, good grief," said Lily with her musical laugh. "Rose, this is Remus Lupin. He's a little shy."

"I noticed," said Petunia. "It's nice to meet you, Remus."

Remus blushed.

"You guys probably want to come in, don't you?" giggled Petunia. "Come on."

"Mom? I'm home!" shouted Lily as they walked in the door. "Daddy? Cori? Where are you?"
"Mom's in the kitchen," said Petunia. "Daddy's still at work, and Cori isn't home from Smeltings yet. Mom?" she shouted. "Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

Mrs. Evans came out of the kitchen smiling, though not as widely as her daughters did. (It wasn't possible. Her makeup weighed down her smile, plus it would pop all her muscles to smile that widely.) "Welcome home, Lily dear," she said.

Lily introduced her friends and added, "Mom, can we have something to eat? The witch that has the lunch cart was sick, and we haven't eaten since breakfast."

"Neither has Petunia," chuckled their mother. "She's been too excited. Come on into the kitchen. I made you six something special."

"Ooh--what?" asked Petunia excitedly.

Her mother put her arm around her. "Candied yams and hot chocolate."

"Goody!" said Lily happily.

"Candied yams?" asked James uncertainly.

"Heck, if it has 'candy' in the name, I'm all for it," laughed Peter.

"Gee, really?" said Petunia, glancing at him. "I couldn't tell."

Lily laughed. "Don't worry, James. It's only sweet potatoes with marshmallows. It's really good."

"If you say so," said James.

The six children walked into the kitchen and sat down. Mrs. Evans served each kid a steaming mug and a plate heaped high with something orange smothered in burned, melted marshmallows. James looked askance at his, then lifted a fork to his mouth. Almost immediately he dropped it in shock.

"What's wrong, James?" asked Lily with concern.

Petunia glanced over with a small smile. "By the way, they're hot."

"I kind of figured that out," gasped James. "Of course, ol' bowling ball boy over there must have a freezer in his mouth, the way he's stuffing the food down his gullet..."

Peter stopped in mid-swallow. "Wha?" he said indistinctly. Then he spit the mouthful of sweet potatoes across the room, hitting Petunia on the chest. "OUCH! That's hot!" he cried.

"No crap," said Petunia, wiping her shirt.

When everyone was finished, they moved into the living room. No one seemed to have much to say until Mrs. Evans called from the kitchen, "Do you want Clown Sundaes in there?"

"Sure!" called Petunia.

The word "clown" reminded Peter of a joke. "Two cannibals were eating a clown. One said to the other, 'This taste a little funny to you?'"

No one laughed. "Not even remotely funny, Peter," James informed him.

"You think you can tell a better one?" retorted Peter.

"I bet Rose could," volunteered Lily. "She's the source of all our jokes."

They all turned to Petunia. She thought for a minute, then said, "Why do ducks have flat feet?"

Everyone thought for a minute. Finally James said hesitantly, "For swimming?"

"From stomping out forest fires," said Petunia. "Why do elephants have flat feet?"

"From stomping out jungle fires?" suggested Peter.

"Close," said Petunia. "From stomping out flaming ducks."

That got a couple giggles. "How do you get an elephant in the refrigerator?" asked James.

Petunia rolled her eyes. She'd told that one before. "Open the door and put it in," she said.

"Okay, how do you get a giraffe in the refrigerator?" he challenged.

"Open the door, take out the elephant, and put in the giraffe," Petunia yawned.

James frowned. "All the animals are at a meeting. Who wasn't there?"

"Nobody," said Petunia.

Remus spoke up for the first time. "The giraffe. It's still in your refrigerator."

Lily clapped her hand over her mouth to stifle her giggle.

James continued. "Two people kayaking are stranded on an island surrounded by crocodile-infested waters. Their kayaks are broken. How do they get across?"

Petunia smiled. James thought she was going to admit that he'd won when she said, "Swim across. The crocodiles are all at the meeting with the other animals."
"Damn, I thought I got you that time," pouted James.

Petunia smiled wider. "How do you tell an elephant from a grape?"

"I don't think I want to know," said Sirius.

"Step on it. If it makes wine, it's a grape," said Petunia.

"Elephant jokes are her forte," said Lily proudly.

That night, as Petunia was drifting off to sleep, she was glad to hear her sister's even breathing in the bed next to hers. She was almost asleep when she heard Lily's voice. "Rose?"

Petunia rolled over. "What is it, Lils?"

"Rose, I wish you could come to Hogwarts," Lily whispered. "I've got these great friends, but I'm lonesome without you. I miss you when I'm away."

"I miss you too, Lils," replied Petunia. "Trust me, if there were a way, I'd do it. But I'm a--a--whad'ya call 'em--"

"A Muggle?" supplied Lily.

"Right," said Petunia. "Listen, if you ever hear of a way for me to come, let me know. For now, let's get some sleep."

"Right. Goodnight, Rose," said Lily.

"Goodnight, Lils," whispered Petunia, as she fell asleep.