Echo in My Mind

Chapter 8: To Remember the Worst

"I'm walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind

On the border line

Of the edge and where I walk alone-"

Green Day, Boulevard of Broken Dreams

~*~

Harry looked scared as Professor McGonagall stood in the doorway with Professor Dumbledore. She began to cross the room in quick, angry strides with Dumbledore in her wake. Her wand was out in front of her. Dumbledore's remained at his side.

Professor McGonagall stopped in front of the group. "Up, Potter," she commanded.

Harry rose slowly, keeping his eyes on the wand the entire time. He didn't think he could have made McGonagall mad enough to hex him but it was possible.

He could feel something inside of him that was brewing, waiting to be released. It was pure magic, but a different kind than the kind he normally felt. It's got to be that accidental magic acting up. Without knowing how he knew it, he knew the wand pointed at him was causing this. He wanted nothing more than for it to disappear and he knew he'd do it too if it wasn't moved away first.

"If you're not going to hex me, Professor, could you please move your wand away," Harry said.

There was a note of pleading in his voice that made McGonagall lower her wand. He sounded so scared of the wand that it made her wonder what exactly was going on. It only added to her suspicion that Harry really wasn't himself this year. This did not seem like the boy who had confronted Lord Voldemort five times and lived to tell the tale.

"Is something wrong with you, Potter?" McGonagall said in what surprisingly turned out as a caring tone.

"It's nothing," the boy mumbled in response, looking down.

This earned him a smack in the arm courtesy of Ginny.

"All right," he said, not looking up, "it's something."

Another smack.

"It's a lot of things, okay!" he yelled in a suddenly choked up voice. "Are you happy now?"

He looked back and forth between Ginny and Professor McGonagall as if expecting them to... well he didn't know what but just for them to do something. Suddenly he wanted his tennis ball back just to distract him from what was happening. A tennis ball appeared in his hand seconds later. He tossed it up and down a few times, oblivious to the group of people around him who were looking at him as if he was crazy. Then he spun around and whipped the ball as far away from him as he could. He watched with a grim satisfaction as it exploded in mid-flight.

"Bloody hell, Harry, that was cool!" Ron said. "Could you get it to go up in flames too?"

"Ron!" came Hermione's exasperated voice.

A sadistic smile formed on Harry's face as he turned around. Another tennis ball appeared in his hand.

"Oh, no, it's quite all right Hermione. I don't mind. After all, third time's a charm," he said in a sickly sweet tone.

"Harry..." Ginny said in a warning tone but Harry didn't listen.

He raised his hand and chucked the ball at Ron. It burst into flames as soon as it left his hand. Ron, too shocked to move, got hit with the burning ball in the chest. Neither one of the professors reacted, since they were both shocked at Harry's behavior as well. It was Ginny who had enough sense to banish the tennis ball and douse Ron's shirt with water to stop the flames. Through the hole in his shirt, she could see the burn on his chest.

"Miss Granger, please take Mr. Weasley down to the hospital wing. Minerva, would you accompany them please. I need to speak to Harry and Ginny alone," Professor Dumbledore said.

Hermione grabbed Ron's arm and helped pull him up. She shot an unreadable look at Harry. He was staring blankly at some spot above all their heads and he didn't catch the look. Without another thought Hermione led Ron away. Professor McGonagall turned to follow them but a hand shot out and grabbed her arm, forcing her to stop.

"Please," said a broken voice that belonged to Harry, "tell Ron that I didn't mean it. Tell him I honestly don't know what just happened or what came over me. Please just tell him I'm sorry."

McGonagall gave a short nod and Harry released his grip. Hermione and Ron had reached the door and were waiting for her. As she reached the door, the professor took one last look back at Harry. He had fallen to the grassy ground, oblivious to the world around him. He just stared, an unnerving, unwavering stare.

Not able to watch the scene any longer McGonagall left. She easily caught up to Ron and Hermione in the corridor. Before either could speak, the professor did.

"What is with Mr. Potter?" she asked, hoping that two of his closest friends would know.

Hermione gave a short laugh. "What's with Harry? Oh that's a real laugh. He's so-" she cut off suddenly, remembering that no one knew Harry was telling her so much of what was going on with him. "I'm sorry but I can't say I really know what's going on with him. I can tell he's stressed, everyone is, Ginny, Blaise, and Draco included. It's making them all act very different from normal and I'm afraid I can't tell you any more."

Hermione stopped speaking then and continued to lead Ron to the infirmary. Professor McGonagall's eyes bore into her, and the bushy-haired girl was well aware of it. She was positive the Professor knew that she was hiding a lot. Hermione also knew it wasn't like herself to be so secretive and hiding things, especially with a professor. However, Hermione seemed to know that telling McGonagall Harry's secrets would only make it worse for him, with one more person constantly keeping watch over him.

"We are all very worried about Mr. Potter," the professor said gently.

Hermione glanced at Ron. "So are we."

~*~

A sudden laugh, loud and piercing, rose from the Death Eaters. Harry stuck up a Shield Charm, sensing something horrible was about to come. He could see a hint of red and orange in his vision but discarded it as a reflection of the sun.

Hellish screams began to float his way and all time seemed to stop. The dueling came to an abrupt halt and Harry, not thinking, dropped his shield. No one attacked or defended.

A large fireball, roughly the size of something that could hold a standing person, was charging down the street. Flames licked the edges of stores, setting them ablaze. The bottoms touched the tops of the small children's heads, making their hair burn orange. Adults desperately tried to stop the flame but no one knew a spell. So they did the only thing they could think of, scream and try to run.

Harry stood, with the fireball coming closer by the second, nearly petrified. He felt frozen, as if he would never move again. The flames seemed to be reaching out to him, calling him, beckoning him into their warmth. If he strained hard enough he thought he could hear voices, like the ones that were heard near the Veil of Death in the Department of Mysteries.

And then, as sudden as it came, it disappeared with a loud bang that ricocheted around the alley. Harry swore that time stood still at the moment, as Dumbledore's giant ball of ice clashed with the Death Eaters' ball of fire. The ice wove itself into the fire, dousing it as it went. Then the ice just evaporated into the air.

Five seconds later the fighting had begun full force again. Harry dodged a jet of purple light as it whizzed by his left ear. Quickly Harry got back to the battle, defending himself as he went on the offensive. He didn't falter until he felt an extreme heat near him. Holding up a shield, he whipped his head around to investigate.

The next second he was shoved roughly aside by a bystander whom he didn't know. The man, obviously brought up as a Muggle, ran into the building, a cloth wrapped around his nose and mouth. Harry began to cough as smoke from the burning building reached him. Flames were billowing out of the third story window.

"My baby! My baby!" a woman, presumably the mother, cried, tears in her eyes.

An Auror came over to the distressed woman, who was holding a small child in her arms as another. A much older daughter, who looked about 25 stood holding up a shield to defend her family. The Auror ran into the building, his wand raised, and dousing the fire with the water issuing from it. What seemed like an agonizing amount of time later, but was really only a few minutes, the Auror reappeared with the man who was holding a three-year-old girl tightly against him. The man had a burn across his face but both the Auror and young girl were unscathed.

Harry looked away just in time to see his shield charm shatter when the force of a killing curse hit it...

Harry sank down to the ground, his eyes unfocused as the memory began to fade before them. He felt like crying but there were no tears left. All there was left was a huge, swirling, mass of emotions, yearning to get out but being held in by some invisible force. Harry let out a small sigh.

Pieces of the buildings were falling around him. The flames billowed out of windows. Explosions could be heard for what seemed like an eternity. It was what the Death Eaters wanted, or more of what Voldemort had wanted; mass destruction.

Dumbledore had begun to douse as many of the flames he could while protecting himself. Harry wanted desperately to do the same. He wanted to save people, not just injure them to save others. He wanted to know that he had played a role in saving someone from one of the burning buildings. An old feeling, not long forgotten, rose inside him. It was one of helplessness in a time where he needed to do something.

In a momentary pause Harry looked down the Alley. He saw an Auror lower two people out of a fifth floor window to the ground. He was on fire but he didn't seem to know or care. All he was focused on was helping those people. When the feet of the second person hit the ground, the Auror began to douse himself while preparing to Apparate out. He was gone not a moment too soon. A mere second after the man vanished a large supporting beam fell where he had just been. Had he still been there, it would have crushed him.

The Death Eaters were being pushed back now, and Harry was moving forward with each hex he sent down the Alley. He began summoning his strength to cast an ancient spell...

He, Harry, had sent the fire at Ron. He had caused the destruction, and now he was going to pay for it, just like the Death Eaters had.

His concentration was shattered as he saw side of a building explode outward, showering the Death Eaters in debris and flames. Ten were out of the picture because of that.

If Harry didn't know him better, he would have sworn that Ron would get him back by giving him a piece of his own medicine.

As his vision cleared of the memory once more, he noticed Ginny kneeling next to him. Feeling a strong need for contact, he fell against her. Ginny, who had been expecting this, wrapped her arms around his shoulders and allowed him to lean his head on her chest. Without realizing it she began to rock him back and forth.

It wasn't until they heard a soft cough from behind them that Ginny released Harry. They both blushed, as they had forgotten the aging Headmaster was still there.

"I believe there are some things you need to discuss with me," he said kindly.

It was as if the dam had been released and all the floodwaters flowed out. Harry and Ginny spent the better part of the next hour tripping over their stories in an attempt to get it all out.

"It was so weird-"

"I'd never felt a shock like that before! I didn't know what was happening-"

"It was really confusing-"

"-And it just kept happening and happening-"

Dumbledore sat still the entire time, soaking up the information like a sponge. He seemed to have sensed this sort of thing was coming and didn't mind it. A lot had happened since he had last sat down and had a real discussion with Harry and Ginny.

"None of this even begins to explain this power-"

"- I had no idea any of this was even inside him!"

"- And I hit Ron with a fireball!"

"- That scared me, Harry, you have no clue how-"

"- Tell me I'm not going insane-"

"- Of course you're not going insane, Harry. Even if you were completely around the twist I'd still love you."

Then Ginny paused. Harry paused as well, his mouth hanging open slightly. He stared at her as if he didn't know what to say, which in reality he didn't. Ginny clapped her hand to her mouth as she realized what she had just said. Dumbledore smiled reminiscently. James had let the same thing slip when he had Lily had been in this exact same position. Lily had just discovered a new, and to her it was scary, power, which she had kept hidden for weeks. When they told Dumbledore, it had been the same situation.

As if by instinct the two of them reached their hands towards each other. Dumbledore saw a golden spark when their hands touched and the two teens turned towards each other.

She saw a seven-year-old boy with black, messy hair, and round glasses sheltering wide emerald eyes. The scar was visible through his falling hair. Looking up she saw a belt come towards the boy and nearly cried out as it struck him.

"There is no love for you in this house, boy, and if you parents had loved you at all they wouldn't have gotten themselves killed in a car crash! You're insane, boy, if you think we have any love for you at all," a man said in a booming voice.

Ginny could see tears forming in the small boy's eyes as the belt came at him again, striking him across the back.

"Into the cupboard now!" the man shouted.

"Yes, Uncle Vernon," said the small Harry, his lips quivering.

"Go!"

At once Harry wrenched away from her touch. The memory vanished as he did. Ginny reached out to him again, thinking he needed comfort. Harry took another step back.

"Get the bloody hell out of my memories!" he yelled. "I don't need you or any bloody one else seeing private things! Get rid of this connection! All it does is bring me harm!"

Dumbledore, anticipating what Harry was going to do, stood up to block Harry's exit. Unfortunately Harry was far too fast for the Headmaster and he dashed out the door. Ginny made a move to go after him but Dumbledore stopped her.

"Let him go and sort out his problems. He'll be back sooner or later. Now I need you to tell me about this connection."

~*~

Professor McGonagall had left the hospital wing long ago after she realized there was nothing there for her. Hermione wasn't disclosing any information about Harry and neither was Ron. She had left then, hoping she could get back to Dumbledore and get some information.

Ron's burn hadn't been very severe. He had gotten lucky, Madam Pomfrey had said, because Ginny had the common sense to put out the fire before it could do serious damage. He would have to stay in the infirmary for a few more hours until Madam Pomfrey was sure the burn would heal. It was a possibility, knowing the thoroughness of the nurse, that he would have to stay overnight.

Professor McGonagall knew she wouldn't be seeing the two of them for quite a while if that happened. As a matter of fact she would be surprised if Hermione made it back to the common room before curfew. The Gryffindor House Head knew her students well, and this meant she knew that Hermione would stay by Ron's side no matter what, and would do the same in a heartbeat for Harry.

She began to near the Room of Requirement. A few students walked by her, carrying books from the library. Making sure no one was in the hallway as she reached the door, she opened it quietly and slipped inside.

The professor was just in time to hear the end of Harry and Ginny's long narration of their story. She wasn't surprised in the least as she heard Ginny's final words.

"Even if you were completely around the twist, I'd still love you."

It had become blatantly obvious to most students and staff that Harry and Ginny were in a relationship. One was never seen without the other unless it was class time. Ginny's devastation of Harry being in the hospital wing the previous week was only another sign of how deeply they loved each other. Professor McGonagall smiled as she reminisced about it. James and Lily Potter had the same sort of commitment when they were teenagers.

However, like any relationship, Professor McGonagall knew there had been glitches. One had been expressed to Dumbledore after the battle of Diagon Alley and the professor had been there at the time.

"Voldemort knows about Ginny, doesn't he?" Harry had asked the Headmaster.

Dumbledore nodded. "Indeed he does."

Harry looked guiltily over at Ginny, who was seated next to him. Ginny seemed to sense what he was going to say next because she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him.

"I do not need protection," she stated calmly.

Harry sighed. "I shouldn't be near you," he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Voldemort knows about you. He'll come for you and take you away and kill you just to get to me. I'm not going to go around losing more people I love to that bastard."

"Mr. Potter! Don't use such language!" McGonagall interrupted.

Harry rolled his eyes and McGonagall caught it. She didn't say anything more, however. She transferred her gaze to Ginny and found the expression on the girl's face to be very mixed. She seemed oddly touched about what Harry said as his last line but at the same time angry with him.

"If Voldemort already knows about me, and already knows about Hermione and Ron, why should I be protected? There's nothing to save me from him now. He's not stupid, Harry, though sometimes I get the impression you are. If you suddenly break this off he'll know something's up and will come after me anyway. There are Death Eater's kids all over the Slytherin house so once they hear about it it's too late. Also, I've been training with you, haven't I? I think I can pretty much hold my damn own against Death Eaters and I'm going to fight with you until the end. You've heard the same lines from Hermione and Ron countless times. Are you just going to push us all away and retreat so far into yourself that you'll die?" Ginny said sharply.

Harry was silent for a while after her speech. The office was so quiet that you could have heard a pin drop. He seemed unsure of how to react.

"Would you really want to let Voldemort achieve one of the things he wants most? Would you really let him take control of and destroy your life, a life you've worked so hard to get under your control? If this is what you really want Harry, if you really don't want to be seen with me because you think it will save me, then go ahead and leave," Ginny said in a much softer tone.

Harry looked to be on the verge of a breakdown. A silence filled the room once more as Harry sat still. Professor McGonagall looked at the Headmaster, who hadn't said more than a few words during the entire conversation. His blue eyes twinkled as he opened his mouth to speak.

"I think, Harry, that you should give careful thought to what Ginny has just said. Make a decision on what you truly want, my boy. I think that pretty much sums it up."

Ginny stood up, smiling slightly at the Headmaster. She turned towards the door.

"If you want me, Harry, follow me."

With that she walked out the door, closing it behind her with a click. A few seconds passed and Harry had yet to move. Professor McGonagall thought, for a split second, that Harry would actually let her go.

"I... I..." Harry started in a slightly wavering voice.

Dumbledore offered Harry a nod and a smile. "You have no need to voice you thoughts. I know. Go now, Harry."

Harry nodded in return and stood up from his chair. The door clicked shut behind him as he left. However his voice could still be heard.

"Ginny? I thought you had left."

Professor McGonagall could almost see Ginny smile as she said her next words.

"I knew you would come."

"I love you, Gin," Harry said after a moment's pause.

"I love you too, Harry. Now come on, I have a nasty essay to write for Snape and I'd like to get it done as fast as possible."

The professors heard footsteps echoing down the spiral staircase.

"Why is that?" they heard Harry's now distant voice.

"I want to spend as much time as possible with you."

Professor McGonagall was brought back to the present as she felt another's robes brushed against her. Looking across the room she saw Ginny and Professor Dumbledore. She concluded that it was Harry who had just run from the room. Instead of trying to track him down she let him go. He needed time to sort out whatever was bothering him and he wasn't going to get very far in this room.

~*~

Blaise sighed as she waved her hand over the seven candles in the room. Immediately a soft orange glow filled the area as the candles lit. With a small smile she walked over to the picture of Draco and herself, taken right after the Halloween feast. They had been standing by one of Hagrid's large pumpkins and Draco had picked her up into his arms and swung her around, ending the turn with a sweet kiss.

That had been one of the down times, as Blaise liked to call them. It was time when there was no real action, just training for what was to come. There hadn't been any action for two months, until she had received her letter and Harry had dueled Ginny.

Blaise's smile fell at this thought. It was because of this letter that she was down in the one time dank dungeon brewing a potion. With another sigh Blaise moved to her cabinet of supplies, getting out what she would need for today's part of the potion making process. After laying her materials and ingredients on the table she began to flip through her potions book idly, not truly paying attention to the part she was looking for.

She couldn't keep her thoughts from drifting around anymore. Too much had happened in such a little time. In the summer things hadn't been nearly as hectic. There had been fewer injuries and fewer threats. She and Draco had been able to spend numerous nights together, neither of them worried about the outside world.

Blaise couldn't help but remember how Harry had been over the summer. He seemed so much more carefree than he did now. Over the summer he had been enjoying himself and now it was as if he was in a never-ending depression. She wasn't sure if Harry himself had noticed this subtle change in him but to the rest of the school it was obvious. Everything about him seemed dark now, even his look. Any time Blaise saw him he was always in black, blue, or, surprisingly, green. This change in wardrobe only added to a suspicion that Blaise had.

More and more lately Harry was showing Slytherin traits. He was becoming darker and more withdrawn. As Blaise stopped turning pages to think a little deeper she realized that Harry had been withdrawn for a while. As a matter of fact she couldn't remember a time when he hadn't been withdrawn. She could still remember the look on his face during Christmas of their first year. He looked so forlorn and withdrawn that it had given her the chills.

"Of course no one knows how I've watched him," she whispered, unaware she was voicing her thoughts.

Forgetting about her search in the book she turned away from the table. While cleaning the room Harry had told her about a secret drawer in the wall that he had found. This is where she headed now. With a wave of her hand the drawer opened, revealing its single content.

It was a sketch done in charcoal with outstanding detail. The boy's hair fell gracefully around his face, hiding some of his eye. Even though the sketch was in charcoal it was amazing how Blaise had captured the faraway look in the boy's eyes. Going further into the description one would have thought the boy on the paper was Draco but it wasn't. It was Harry.

However, he didn't have a clue that she had drawn it. Before it had gotten too cold for them to go outside, she had seen Harry sitting on a large rock, staring into space. It was then that she had drawn the picture.

With a sigh she placed the sketch back into the drawer and shut it with another flick of her wrist. There was too much on her mind right now to do anything with the potion today. Forgetting to clean up, Blaise left the room, walking slowly up the stairs to the Entrance Hall, lost in thought. When she reached the hallway she heard loud thumping.

"Watch it, Blaise!" yelled a boy's voice.

Instinctively Blaise moved back against the wall, her hand becoming alive with the magic pulsing through it waiting to be released. The boy was running so fast down the stairs it looked like he was flying. It wasn't until the figure was nearly past her that she recognized him.

"Harry? What the hell is going on?"

She received no answer as Harry burst through the front doors of the castle.

~*~

Harry ran... and ran... and ran.

He had no clue where he was going he just knew he had to get far away from that room. He figured he must seem insane, especially after seeing the funny look Blaise had given him as he ran by. When he looked up for the first time in a few minutes, he saw his feet had taken him to the outskirts of Hogsmeade. He slowed down to a walk.

The snow crunched under his feet as he continued on into the village. His heavy winter robes weren't keeping him very warm so he unnoticeably cast a heating charm on himself using thought magic. Unsurprisingly he'd picked up on the concept fast and was ahead of the other three in his thought magic training. As he thought about it a little more he realized that he was ahead of them in every aspect of training. Dumbledore had said he was thinking of tutoring Harry alone soon because Harry was advancing much quicker than the other three in the group.

A sudden feeling of cold shot through his charm but Harry dismissed it, thinking he had done a faulty spell. This time using his hand he cast a stronger spell and left it at that. After a few moments, however, he felt a biting cold. It washed over him in waves, making him start to shake. A sudden screaming began to fill his head.

Dementors, Harry thought as he raised his hand.

"Expecto-"

His hand began to shake too much to do the spell. The screams in his head were growing louder by the second. His mother's screams at Voldemort mixed with his own yells as Sirius fell through the veil and the cries of the children at the Battle of Diagon Alley. Harry's head was pounding now as the three scenes combined into one massive thing playing over and over again.

"Expecto... expecto..." he said weakly.

A sudden thought of when he was with Ginny came into his mind. Quickly he tried to cast the spell, knowing it was a happy memory. All he produced was a silvery mist. He was too weak now to do the spell and he sank to his knees. He could hear people screaming all around him and he could no longer tell if it was in his head or not.

Another wave of biting cold washed over him and Harry could barely hold himself up. To no avail he focused on Ginny and tried the spell once more. Unable to fight the world around him slowly dissolved into nothing.

~~**~~