Echo in My Mind

Chapter 5: Conversations

"No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you-"

Sholom Aleichem

~*~

Ginny stroked Harry's hair the next morning as she waited for him to wake up. It had a silky but wet feel, as if he had taken a shower before he went to bed, which he had. It was nearly noon now and Ginny couldn't believe that Harry would still be asleep. She didn't know that Harry had stayed up until dawn trying to push the sounds of the Diagon Alley battle out of his head. His memory of when he met Orli had brought it up again, because he had met the girl right after the attack. It wasn't until Madam Pomfrey had come by in an early morning check of her patients and had seen Harry awake that she had given him a Dreamless Sleep potion to help him sleep.

Harry began to stir under Ginny's touch. He gave a feeble attempt to swat her hand away so he could sleep more, but he was already awake and he knew that he wouldn't be getting any more sleep anytime soon. Ginny dropped her hand from his hair as he rolled over to face her.

"Why did you wake me up?" Harry asked sleepily, his eyes still half closed.

Ginny rested her hand on his cheek, finding it warm from when he was sleeping on it. "I didn't wake you up."

She began to rub her thumb over his cheek. Harry sighed and closed his eyes.

"Is he up yet, Gin?" Ron said as he entered the room. "Blaise and Malfoy are going to be back any minute with Dumbledore."

Hermione stood beside him. When Ginny didn't answer she laid a hand on his arm, preventing him from speaking. Ron looked down at her questioningly.

"Let them be until the rest arrive. Harry was really tired last night but he was having - er - trouble sleeping," Hermione said, trying to cover up for his discomfort over the duel.

"Nightmares, you mean," Ron said, dropping his voice to a whisper to match Hermione's. "About the duel?"

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "How did you guess?"

Ron nearly laughed. "I'm not dense, Hermione. I share a dormitory with Harry and I know that when something bad happens, he has nightmares."

"Oh."

The door opened once more and Blaise, Draco, and Dumbledore entered. Ginny turned as she heard the footsteps. She blushed slightly at the scene she had created by stroking Harry's cheek. She offered a small smile then turned back to Harry.

"Harry, wake up," she said, shaking him.

Harry let out a low groan and rolled away from Ginny's hands. Draco sniggered. A sudden look of pain crossed Harry's face. Ginny continued to shake him until she jumped back, knocking over the chair she had been sitting in. Harry shot up, staring at Ginny. He held her gaze for a few moments, a confused look spreading on both of their faces. Professor Dumbledore began to walk towards them just as they broke eye contact.

"Is there something the two of you aren't telling me?" the Headmaster asked.

Harry glanced at Ginny and she spoke.

"No sir, nothing."

Harry nodded in agreement with what Ginny said. Dumbledore raised an eyebrow but didn't say press the subject any further.

"All right then, I'm sure you've all heard about the letter Blaise received-"

"What letter?" Harry asked.

Blaise seemed to shrink under the gaze of all the room's occupants. "I didn't have a chance to tell him yet," she said.

Blaise took the letter out of her pocket and walked over to Harry. She handed it to him and watched as his eyes flicked back and forth as he read. He took a deep shuddering breath and handed the letter back to her.

"All my fault," he whispered more to himself than anyone else.

"We need to devise a plan," said Dumbledore, not hearing Harry's whisper. "Blaise is not going to go through with what her parents ask of her and if she tells them that outright she may risk her own death. Does anyone have any ideas on what to do?"

Silence fell over the group as each person thought.

"Keep sending letters home," Harry said after a few minutes. "Say that the plan is going fine, that Draco doesn't suspect a thing. Disappear during Christmas when you are supposed to go get the Dark Mark. Hide out somewhere. I'm sure Professor Dumbledore knows plenty of places. Go openly against Voldemort, if that is what you want, after Christmas. Then you can fight in battles and stuff."

He fell silent at that point, gazing out the window across the room from him. The snow on the ground was being swirled around by the wind. Harry wished he could be out there, floating in the air, not a care in the world.

He continued to stare out the window, even as Dumbledore spoke. The snow that was being blown around seemed to have taken the shape of a woman. Instantly he remembered that woman from the Battle of Diagon Alley.

"It's a possibility," Dumbledore said. "Thank you, Harry. I'll discuss it with the Order."

"Get away from me!" a woman screamed.

Harry stared at her, aiming his next spell at the man who was trying to hold her captive. The woman didn't look any older than nineteen. Harry fired the spell but it was off target.

"Get away!" she shrieked.

Get away, get away, get away, get away... and it kept echoing in his mind.

Harry didn't say anything. Dumbledore cast him a worried look but the raven-haired boy didn't see it.

"I'd like to ask the rest of you to leave," said the old wizard. "Harry and I have a talk we have yet to finish."

Ginny went out with Ron and Hermione, they were headed to the Gryffindor common room to see if they could come up with anything else to help Blaise. Draco had scheduled Quidditch practice for his team, which Blaise was on, as a Chaser. They left the room hand in hand. Professor Dumbledore waved the door shut with a flick of his wrist and then moved to Harry's bedside.

"Legilimens," Dumbledore said, his hand raised.

Instead of hitting a block, as he had hoped, Harry let him right in. The Headmaster surfed through Harry's mind, stopping on some of the more recent memories. Two of these memories were the duel and the Battle of Diagon Alley.

"Get out of my head," Harry said in a deadly tone.

"You put up no block and I enter," Dumbledore said calmly.

Harry focused on putting up a block, clearing his mind of everything in it. He was close, and he could feel it. The last of his thoughts were slipping away until...

"Get away!"

And he couldn't clear it from his head. It bounced around, seeming to echo even longer because there was nothing else around. Harry put his hands over his ears without realizing it, as if trying to block out the sound.

Dumbledore was slightly shocked at what was happening. Professor Snape had grudgingly admitted that Harry had gotten good at Occlumency and was able to block him out the few times he tried in class. Now it seemed as though Harry could empty his mind except for one thing. Disappointed, Dumbledore pulled out of Harry's mind.

"We're going to need to resume your Occlumency lessons, Harry. You could not suc- Harry?"

The teen before him was yanking at his hair. It looked like he was trying to rip his skull apart. Suddenly he stopped and turned to Dumbledore.

"I can't get it out of my head," he said in a panicked voice.

"As I said before, we are going to resume your Occlumency lessons. Professor Snape said you had a good grip on the skill and could block him but you have just proved him wrong. I will be back later to arrange when we will meet. I will be teaching you this time." Dumbledore checked the clock. "I must be at lunch now. Goodbye, Harry."

Harry stared at his back as he left. "You don't understand," he started. "It's impossible to get this out of my head."

He was never heard.

~*~

"Out of my way!" was the sound that met the Slytherin boys that were on the stairs down the common room. "Prefect coming through; get out of my way!"

Blaise rolled her eyes as Draco spoke those words. Even now he abused his power as a Prefect. She had thought that hanging around Gryffindors would have changed that but she was wrong.

Draco pushed past the students who had moved to the wall and into his room, pulling Blaise behind him. He slammed the door and cast a silencing charm on it with a flick of his wrist.

"Is it too late to hold Beater tryouts?" Draco said angrily. "After today's practice I'd love to kick Crabbe and Goyle off the team."

"Sorry, Draco, but no. What did you bring me up here for?" Blaise said as she sat down on the bed.

Draco sighed and shoved a hand through his hair, messing it up further than it already was from flying. Blaise could remember just a few months back when Draco would have spent half an hour in front of the mirror styling his hair. Now he felt a strange sense of freedom when his hair wasn't perfect and slicked back. It made him feel less like his father, less connected to his past. He sat down next to Blaise on the bed.

"I just wanted to talk...about the letter and everything else that's going on. I don't know how Harry's managed to cope with all this without going crazy."

"He talks to people," Blaise said. "But Ginny said he does go slightly crazy sometimes, they both do. No one's perfect, Draco."

Draco fell back onto the bed. Blaise lay back next to him, her hair falling over his cheek. She giggled and pulled the strands away, laying her head on his chest.

"Are you going to be able to lie to your parents like that, if we go through with Harry's plan?" Draco asked, the mood darkening quickly.

There was a long pause before Blaise spoke. "I don't know. I love my parents, but I don't want to follow their ways. I don't want to live the life of a Death Eater. I want to be me and I want to be with you. It's all for the right cause, but is it wrong to feel guilty? They are my only parents after all but it's not like I'm going to kill you just to make them happy."

Draco's hand came up to stroke her upper arm gently. His touch seemed to soothe her, helping her deal with her situation. Though defying her parents seemed to be the only option in this case, Blaise wasn't sure if she could live with the consequences. She had never been very close to her parents but she still loved them deep in her heart. Even with the support from her friends and boyfriend she knew it would be quite the challenge to go against her flesh and blood.

"This is turning out to be quite the interesting year," Draco commented.

Blaise smiled. "It sure has." Her smile disappeared as she spoke her next words. "They know you're a traitor now, and Narcissa. You've got to get her into hiding. She's not safe even in the Muggle world. Hermione thinks that they're attacking people close to Harry's home at the Dursleys. The closer they get to his house, the closer they get to your mum. You should talk to someone about that. Professor Snape, or maybe Dumbledore, even Harry might know something."

"My little charade with Harry is up now," Draco said after the impact of Blaise's words had settled into his mind. "They know I'm a traitor. There's no point trying to deny it. I might as well move to the Gryffindor Tower now, because when the rest of the house finds out, they'll hate me and probably try to kill me for you."

Blaise stretched her arm across her boyfriend's stomach. "You'll always be a Slytherin, Draco. You're so much more cunning than those Gryffindors anyway."

Draco let out a short laugh. He loved how Blaise could find the worst part of a situation and turn it into something good. It always brightened his mood when he was having a rough day like he had been for the past week.

How could I have been stupid enough to think that this would all die down after September? This is war after all, Draco thought.

Suddenly Blaise sat up. Draco's hand fell limply back to the bed and he was snapped out of his thoughts. He stared up at his girlfriend, waiting for her to speak.

"I'm hungry," she said.

Draco craned his neck around to see his clock. "Dinner's in five minutes."

Blaise stepped away from the bed and made her way to his closet. She opened it, revealing the full-length mirror on the other side of the door. Carefully, she examined her hair.

"Not too messed up," she said more to herself than Draco.

Draco sat up. "You're turning into me."

"No I'm not."

Draco raised an eyebrow. Blaise frowned at him. She knew he was only teasing and played along with it. There was no way she could ever be as self-conscious as Draco had once been and they both knew it. Blaise wasn't one to care much about her looks, and it wasn't any harm that she was naturally pretty.

"I only want to look presentable."

"It's only dinner and you always look beautiful no matter how messed up your hair is," Draco said in what he hoped was a reassuring tone.

Blaise smiled and walked back over to the bed. She leaned down and placed a quick kiss on Draco's lips. Then she grabbed his hand and pulled him up.

"Let's go."

~*~

Ginny pounded on the closed door of the hospital wing after breakfast the next morning. She paused to see if any footsteps could be heard. When she didn't hear anything, she began to pound again. Just as she drew her fist back to hit the door again, it swung open.

"I've already told you, Mr. Potter specifically said no visitors unless it's Remus Lupin," Madam Pomfrey said angrily.

Ginny glared at her. "I'd like to ask Harry if that's true or if you're just keeping people away because you think it's best for him."

"I can have you put in detention for your rudeness to a staff member," the nurse snapped.

"Try me," Ginny spat. "I want to see Harry and you're not going to stop me."

"Is that Ginny?" said a voice.

Ginny peered around Madam Pomfrey to see Harry walking over to the door. He was rubbing the back of his head and Ginny noted that there was no longer a bandage wrapped around his head. Ginny smiled as she took in his appearance. He had refused to stay in the hospital clothes, preferring his Muggle jeans and black sweatshirt. The nurse spotted him too.

"I told you not to touch your head!" she yelled. "I took the bandages off thinking you would be responsible enough to not mess with that gash!"

Harry had reached the doorway at that point. Ginny saw him roll his eyes and drop his hand.

"It's not my fault you didn't give me a potion to stop the pain this morning," he said. "And I told you to let in only Remus and Ginny, just the two of them, not anyone else. So what's the problem here?"

"Nothing, nothing," Madam Pomfrey said and left to get Harry's potion.

Harry grabbed Ginny's hand and pulled her close to him. He planted a short kiss on her lips and then drew back, leading her to his bed.

"You look tired, Harry," Ginny said worriedly as they sat down. "How have you been sleeping?"

Harry looked down at his feet. "I didn't get any sleep last night," he mumbled.

"Then rest now," Ginny said, standing up. "I'll come back later."

Harry grabbed her wrist as she began to walk away. Ginny stopped and turned back to Harry. Just from the look of seriousness his emerald eyes held, she knew that something important was going on and that's why he had requested to only let two people in to see him today. She sat back down on the bed.

"What's wrong, Harry. Why couldn't you sleep last night?"

There was a long silence following those words. Ginny waited for Harry to speak, but it seemed he couldn't find the words to say what he wanted to say. He continued to stare at his feet. During the silence Madam Pomfrey came over and gave Harry his potion. Once she left, Harry opened his mouth to speak.

"I couldn't sleep because of you," he said finally.

"Me?" Ginny asked, confused.

"Well you, but not you directly. More of something you did, or a memory of it," Harry said, trying to explain but failing.

Ginny nearly laughed at his discomfort but sensed that the last thing Harry needed right now was to be laughed at. Instead she hugged him. Apparently that wasn't what he needed either because he pulled away.

"Get off the bed for a second," he ordered.

Ginny complied, wondering what he was doing. She watched as he pulled the covers down the bottom of the bed and lay down, his feet just getting under the covers. He patted the spot next to him. Ginny smiled as she realized what he wanted.

"This bed is hardly made for two people," she said as she kicked off her shoes and climbed in.

"We survived on my bed during the summer, didn't we?" Harry said. "Wasn't it smaller than this?"

"Everything's larger than that bed," Ginny laughed as she snuggled up next to Harry. "Isn't Pomfrey going to kill us?"

"No."

Harry draped his arm over Ginny, keeping her next to him. Anyone who walked in on the scene would have thought the two were attached to each other somehow after seeing how close together they were.

"I couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about the duel. I meant to talk to you about it yesterday but I never did. I watched the duel again in my Pensieve," he said, deliberately leaving out the mention of Hermione. "I saw myself, the expression on my face, and it scared me. I thought I looked like some power-hungry person and I don't want to be like that. Then being blasted into the wall, well, I couldn't get that out of my mind either."

"I'm scared too, Harry," she whispered. "I've never felt power before like I did during the duel. It seemed like the magic was controlling me, not me controlling my magic. I never meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry."

She shut her eyes tight against the tears that were forming in them. A few escaped and rolled down her cheeks, falling onto the bed. Ginny felt Harry shift his weight next to her and she let out a small sigh when she felt his lips kissing away her tears. She sighed again, only this time with disappointment, when he pulled back.

"I've already told you that it isn't your fault," Harry said.

"I know but-" she stopped when she shifted against him to get more comfortable but felt a spark.

I've got to get her to stop blaming herself, was what ran through her mind. Harry sat up suddenly and Ginny turned to look at him.

"Did you feel that?" he asked.

"Yeah. A thought ran through my head but it wasn't my thought. It was 'I've got to get her to stop blaming herself'. Was that your thought?"

Harry looked sheepish. "Yes, it was my thought. I hate it when people blame themselves for things that aren't their fault."

For a moment Ginny discarded the fact that she was hearing Harry's thoughts in her head. What Harry just said brought more pressing matters, or so she thought, to light.

"You still think Sirius's death is your fault then," Ginny stated. "Otherwise you'd be a hypocrite of yourself."

Harry looked away. He didn't respond to Ginny in any way. Immediately she knew she had touched a tender spot with Harry. Sometimes, with everything that was going on, it was easy to forget that Harry was still very touchy on the subject of Sirius. Ginny felt guilty again for bringing it up. Yet she had to stop and wonder why, since Harry could talk to Sirius in his head, the boy reacted like he did if someone mentioned Sirius. Ginny's best guess was that the lack of physical presence of Sirius was what was still affecting Harry. It was as if Sirius was there but at the same time he wasn't.

"Why is it that every time we feel one of those sparks you end up hearing what's going on inside my head? I can feel your presence in my head but I can't hear what's going on inside yours," Harry said, changing the subject back to the previous topic.

"You can't hear what's going on in my head?" Ginny asked.

Harry shook his head no. "Maybe we should talk to someone about it. This is really weird."

"Yeah, we should," Ginny agreed.

The pair fell silent. Neither could think of a way to strike up the conversation again. Harry lay back down after a while, his arm wrapping back over her stomach and pulling her close. Suddenly Ginny rolled over to face Harry.

"I know this is a really spur of the moment kind of thing, but I love you with all my heart and I... oh to hell with it all!"

Ginny captured Harry in a passionate kiss. He responded instantly. It seemed like ages ago that he'd last kissed her like this, even though it had only been about a week. One of her hands rested above his heart, the other was behind his neck, pulling him, if possible, closer. His hand came up to cup her cheek as they continued to kiss. His fingers pulled up the bottom of her shirt slightly, which he realized was the one she had taken from him, and his fingers began to drum her stomach. Ginny found that she liked the feel of it very much.

Several minutes later they broke the kiss, each of them breathless. At one point Ginny had removed Harry's sweatshirt, saying that it was getting in the way because it was too bulky. It was now draped across the two of them. Ginny's hand remained under Harry's T-shirt, above his heart, which was beginning to slow down. She giggled as Harry began to drum on her stomach again.

"I love you too, Gin," Harry said quietly.

Ginny rolled onto her back, giving Harry better access to her stomach. He was half-lying on top of her now. Once in a while he began to switch the beats he was drumming and it became a game. Harry would drum the beats on her stomach and then Ginny would try to repeat them on his arm. After a while she felt Goosebumps forming on his skin.

"Cold?" she asked.

Harry nodded and sat up. He took the sweatshirt off of his legs and pulled it back on, yanking irritably at the hood when it got caught on his head. Ginny just laughed.

"Roll onto your other side, would you?" Harry said before he lay back down.

"Why?"

Harry shrugged with one shoulder. "It's more comfortable."

Ginny rolled her eyes but went along with it anyway. She snuggled back against Harry, once more feeling his hand resting on her stomach.

"Why are you wearing my shirt?" he asked, curiosity getting the better of him finally.

Ginny titled her head up so she could see him. "They washed it!" she said in a scandalized tone, a small pout forming on her lips. "They washed it and it lost its Harry-ness. I figured I'd be around you today and I had to wear it so it would get its Harry-ness back."

"You could just take another shirt," Harry pointed out.

Ginny's pout disappeared. "So I can borrow your other black sweatshirt? You know, the one that you had Hermione transfigure the words 'Gryffindor Seeker' on the back of?"

"If you want to."

Ginny smiled. "At the rate you're letting me take things you'll have no clothes left by the end of the year."

"I don't care. Wouldn't it be funny if we got shirts that said 'Seeker and...' and the other said '...Snitch'," Harry suggested.

Ginny was gaping at Harry at this point. Harry was staring back at her, a look of confusion forming on his face.

"What?"

"Who are you and what have you done with my Harry? My Harry doesn't have any fashion sense the last time I checked. If my memory serves me correctly, I picked out your wardrobe, you only chose the sizes," Ginny said, earning her a playful slap on the stomach.

A sudden laugh filled the room that wasn't Harry's or Ginny's. Both their eyes flew to lock on the source of the noise. Remus Lupin stood a few feet away from the door to the hallway, clutching his side as he laughed.

"Oh, you two were just like Lily and James then. James never had a fashion sense, it was always Lily who was picking out his clothes," the werewolf said, coming over to the bed.

Harry's eyes suddenly adopted a faraway look.

"Sirius?" Harry said, reaching out with his mind.

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Guess who's with me right now, besides Ginny of course," Harry said and Sirius could hear the excitement.

Not able to resist the temptation, Sirius, who was sitting at the kitchen table again, looked out the window and saw Remus standing next to Harry and Ginny who were still curled up on the bed.

"Remus?" Sirius responded.

He watched Harry pout through the window. "How did you know?"

Sirius smirked even though he knew Harry couldn't see. "Lucky guess."

"Yeah, well he just said that my mum used to pick out my dad's clothes for him because he had no fashion sense. Is that true?"

Sirius laughed. "She still does to this very day."

Sirius heard Harry laughing in his head. There was a lapse in the conversation as Harry began to speak to Remus again.

"She still picks his clothes for him, you know?" Harry said, speaking more to Remus than Ginny. "Sirius just said that she does."

Remus frowned. "Harry, are you feeling all right? No fever or anything?"

Harry stared at him. "I'm fine."

The werewolf turned to Ginny. "Are you sure he's not delirious or something? He just said he talked to Sirius. Ginny, tell me he's lying."

"Harry's telling the truth, Remus," Ginny said. "Why would he lie about something like this?"

Remus sat down on the closest bed. The news that Harry could talk to Sirius was overwhelming. Blinking rapidly, Remus held back the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. For half a year he had thought that he had lost all connection with Sirius. Now, to find out that Harry could still talk to Sirius, brought on mixed emotions. He was incredibly happy that he still had a connection to his friend, but at the same time sad and angry that Harry hadn't told him. He couldn't understand why Harry didn't tell him, knowing that he had been so close to Sirius.

Remus looked up as he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. Harry stood before him and the werewolf could sense how guilty he felt. There was the look in his eyes that said that he was genuinely sorry.

"I just wanted to explain," Harry started quietly. "Sirius told me that Nicolas Flamel helped him do all this. There's a book called Alternate Realities and it explains how to trap people in another world. It's complicated to explain but they have the book in the library here, or at least that's what Sirius said. Anyway, he found me and used the spell on me and one of the outcomes of the spell is that whoever used it on you now has a mental connection with you-"

"Hold on," Remus cut in, "how could he find you if he's in a different world?"

Harry suddenly looked uncomfortable. "This summer, Voldemort wanted to make me weak enough that I'd have no choice but to join him. He was taking away my magic to make himself stronger. I was... dying... I suppose you could say. Sirius told me that there was a glimmering outline of me in his world. He found me by looking for my outline at Privet Drive."

"Are you still - erm - dying?"

"No. Sometime during the summer Voldemort decided he wanted to kill me rather than have me join him and I suppose he stopped draining my power then. It's either that or it was when my powers under the Mark of the Phoenix were unlocked. Sirius said my outline disappeared," Harry explained.

Remus waited a few moments before speaking again. This was a lot of information to be thrown at him at one time. It was taking him a while to digest it all.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Harry's gaze dropped to the floor. "I was so caught up in everything that was happening during the summer that after a while I just forgot that I could talk to him. It wasn't until Ginny brought it up a few nights ago that I remembered I could. You wouldn't believe how horrible I felt when I realized that I had forgotten my only connection to my godfather and my parents. Sirius stays with them now, you know. I've had conversations with my parents through Sirius. Do you know how great that is?" Harry trailed off as his voice cracked.

The raven-haired teen suddenly looked like he was going to cry. Remus noticed this and stood up. He pulled Harry into a hug that showed his love for the boy. He noticed with a pang that Harry was almost his height and could really no longer be called a boy. He felt Harry's arms slip around him a little awkwardly and realized that Harry had never experienced a lot of parental love before. This made Remus think of Sirius, and the reason he had come in the first place.

He stepped back, releasing Harry, who gave him a small smile. Remus smiled back. He heard a slight rustling of sheets, picking up the sound when Harry didn't because of his werewolf senses. Looking around Harry, he saw Ginny standing up. He figured she was about to leave since she had been forgotten.

"Ginny, stay. What I came here for involves you as well as Harry."

Harry spun around, remembering that Ginny was still there. Remus waved her over. She stepped up beside Harry and they both eyed Remus with identical questioning looks.

"You know how funny some people are, like Fred and George with all their pranks. You know how they can just joke about things like death. Sirius was one of those people. He always said that when he died, to wait six months before announcing he was dead just to make sure he didn't come back to haunt us," Remus said, a faint smile playing on his lips, even though they were quivering. "So we honored his wishes."

Ginny knew what was coming. She knew it had been about six months since Sirius had fallen through the veil. He hadn't returned and now it was time to announce his death officially. With a quick glance at Harry, she knew he knew what was about to be said, but needed to hear it for himself, as if he wasn't able to believe it was true. Ginny reached for his hand, squeezing it gently.

"What exactly are you getting at, Remus?" Harry said in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Sirius's will is going to be read over Christmas break and both of you are mentioned in it."

~~**~~