An American Professor

Erin stared at the two happy people in the mirror. “Well, great. Now I know my heart’s desire, but does that really make any of this any easier? Dammit! This isn’t the answer to anything!” Erin’s voice had turned into a wail and she stomped her foot in disgust. Picking up an old text book, she threw it against the wall in anger. It made her feel a little better and so she picked up another dusty book and hurled it against the wall. She continued this along with shouting expletives until the pile of books was completely against the wall and she was sitting on the floor panting in frustration.

“Didn’t see what you wanted to?”

Erin turned to find the source of the voice, though she already knew to whom it belonged. “How did you know I was here?”

“Dumbledore sent me to find you. He said that this was where you’d be.”

“Well, shit, this would have taken me a lot less time if he could have told me where to go,” she grumbled dusting herself off as she got to her feet.

“I could have told you where to go,” he said with a wry grin.

Erin looked at him carefully before sarcastically snapping, “I’m sure that you’d like to, in fact, haven't you done that already? Why are being civil to me, Snape, don’t you hate me?”

“Erin, why do you have to be such a pain in the ass?”

“Well, there you go, at least I know now how we stand,” she answered sarcastically. "I don't even know why I'm speaking to you. You said some awful things to me."

“Which I'd like to remind you, you returned to me and then some. So, what did you see if the mirror. Your perfect life with Weasley wasn’t so perfect. Did you have two children instead of three?” he sneered.

“Go to hell. Have you ever looked in the mirror?”

“Talking to you makes every minute feel like I'm in hell. Yes, I've looked in the mirror. It was a long time ago.”

“What did you see?” she pressed.

“Well, it was when I was young, and I saw, wait a minute, that’s personal. I’m not going to tell you that!”

Erin glared at him, “Exactly, now leave me the hell alone about what I saw.”

“Fine. I’ll just leave you to stew about the insignificant details of your perfect little life with Weasley.”

He turned to leave, but came to an abrupt halt when she answered, “I didn’t see Charlie. I saw us.”

His mouth was open as he turned and asked, “What?”

“You heard me. I saw the two of us together in the blasted mirror!” she was shouting again, but she wasn’t really sure why.

Severus lost his dumbfounded look and replaced it with a haughty one, “Just because it’s your heart’s desire doesn’t mean that you’ll end up with that person. It does not tell the future.”

“I know that! Why do you always act like I'm an idiot?” Erin tried to say something else, but couldn’t find the words. She just stared at Severus until he broke the silence.

“I guess I should be going.”

Tell him you’re not with Charlie, and never were, tell him now! “Uh, Sn-, I mean, Severus, I know it’s not any consequence to you, but I thought you should know anyway. The whole thing in the Daily Prophet wasn’t true. I was never Charlie’s girlfriend. I know you probably won’t believe me, and I tried to tell you before, but I just thought you should know.”

“I see. Well, you’re right, it’s of no consequence to me,” he said with hard eyes.

I’ve lost him forever. Erin turned to leave when she had an idea. “Severus, why don’t you step in front of the mirror and then tell me whether or not it’s of any consequence to you.”

He raised his eyebrows and glared at her. “I have nothing to prove.”

“Then you should have nothing to hide.”

He opened his mouth to protest, but saw that she was ready to retort no matter what he said. “It won’t prove a damn thing, bloody mirror.”

Erin watched as he stepped in front of the mirror to look in it properly. He looked at the mirror with disdain, then glared at her before looking back one final time, and then stepped away from the mirror. “So, what did you see?”

“None of your damn business.”

He turned to leave again, but this time Erin grabbed his arm and repeated softly, “What did you see?”

He looked down at her hand on his arm and his eyes seemed to be searching her face. Erin couldn’t help but notice the jolt that went through her when she grabbed his arm. She wondered if he had felt it too. He turned to face her and she dropped her hand from his arm, though immediately regretted doing so as the warmth left her body. She wondered if they could forgive each other the terrible things they'd said a few nights before.

“I don’t think it’s of any of your business who or what I saw in that mirror.”

“Did you see us?”

“No.”

“I think you’re lying.”

“You only hear what you want to hear.”

Erin looked at him with tears threatening to roll down her face. “No, I only want to hear the truth.”

The mask of disdain he had been wearing seemed to have dropped from his face as he stood looking down at her curiously. “What makes you so sure I haven’t already told you the truth?”

“You didn’t look me in the eyes. When you lie, you don’t look people in the eyes.”

Severus looked her square in the eyes and said, “I didn’t see you in the- oh, bloody hell, you’re right, I am lying. I saw us in the mirror.”

The heavy weight of doubt that had been pressing down on her shoulders lifted and she felt the corners of her mouth twisting into a smile in spite of herself, but her smile faded at the look on Severus’ face.

“Just because I saw us in the mirror, does not mean that we will ever actually be together. It does not tell the future.”

Exasperated she exclaimed, “Are you always this redundan?. I know that Severus, but don’t you want it to?!”

He didn’t answer right away, and Erin, beginning to fear his answer, turned and began walking to the door. Maybe he couldn't forget the things she'd said to him.

“Wait,” he said so quietly she almost didn’t hear him.

Turning she looked back at him. “What?”

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

Walking to where she stood he was so close that she had to crane her neck to see his face. “Yes, I do want the mirror to tell our future.” Before she could respond, he leaned down and took her lips in his in a brief gentle kiss. It wasn’t long enough for Erin because when he broke the kiss, and moved back she felt like something had gone missing in her soul.

Tears shining in her eyes she looked at him carefully. “Do you still think I was playing games with you?”

“Why were you searching for the mirror?”

“I wanted to figure out who it was that I lo- I mean, cared for. I didn’t like the idea that three of you were chasing me. I mean, I’ll admit that at first I thought it was pretty exciting, but after awhile, I just hated the fact that I was hurting people. So, when Dumbledore suggested that I try to figure out my problem by exploring this castle, I figured he just wanted to give me time to think, but obviously it was his intention that I find this mirror. You answered my question with a question,” she added softly.

“I know. I really wasn’t sure if I thought you were still playing games. I’m glad to know now that you weren’t. I believe you.”

Erin felt as if he’d given her the best gift she’d ever received. “You do?”

“Yes.”

"What about the other night?"

"What about it?" he asked quietly.

Erin sighed, and fought the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. "We both said some pretty hurtful things."

Sighing, he rubbed her arms, gently touching her upper arm that showed the remnants of a bruise. "I should never have put my hands on you, Erin. I was so stupid. Even as mad as I was with you, I think I was more hurt, that's why I wanted to hurt you with my words and do whatever it took to keep you from getting to Harry. As angry as I was I would never forgive myself if something happened to you."

"Rather to hurt me yourself than to have me hurt by someone else," she held up a hand to ward off his protest, and continued, " I understand. I should never have slapped you."

"Forgiven?" he asked moving closer.

"On one condition. Forgive me?" she murmured.

"Definitely," he whispered.

This time she initiated the kiss, closing the space between them, and putting her hand on the back of his neck, pulling his face down to hers. It felt so right, so easy, and yet so exciting kissing him. Her hands went behind his neck and his hand was under her chin, while the other was rubbing soft circles on the small of her back. His mouth moved against hers and she eagerly parted her lips under his. With a shiver of excitement his tongue delved into her mouth, and she met each thrust with her own. She reveled in his taste and warmth, and was thankful again his arm was around her as her knees felt that they might certainly give out. A soft moan escaped her lips when he pulled his head away from hers.

“Erin, why are you crying?”

She hadn’t realized she had been crying until he mentioned it. Wiping hastily at her eyes, she smiled up at him so as not to give him the wrong impression, “I’m just so happy and relieved.”

“Sounds like an answer in a Muggle movie.”

She laughed before poking him in the side. “What would you know about Muggle movies?”

Grabbing the offending hand he kissed her hand softly making her sigh again, “I know enough.” He gathered her into his arms for a fierce hug and Erin felt like she’d come home. “Come on,” he said moving away abruptly, and then noticing her scowl, “what’s that face for?”

She put his arms back around her and answered, “I wasn’t done hugging you, yet.”

He chuckled slightly and hugged her tightly again, “We’ll have plenty of time for that. We need to get you to bed, you’re about to fall asleep on your feet.”

Erin was about to protest that she felt more alive right now than she ever had in her life, but instead yawned. Looking guilty and scandalized, she covered her mouth quickly. Severus chuckled again.

“Ok, so maybe you’re right. How come you’re not tired?”

“I am, I’m just better at hiding it than you. Let’s get you back to your rooms.”

“But aren’t yours closer?”

He looked at her quizzically, “What are you trying to say?”

“That I want you to hold me while I sleep tonight.”

“I don’t know.”

“Please? Come on, Severus, I never ask you for anything.”

“You? You never ask for anything? You’re the most demanding woman I know!”

Switching tactics she asked, “Don’t you want to sleep next to me?”

“Drop the coy act, you know it doesn’t work on me.”

“Fine. I’m not going to beg.” She walked to the door to retrieve her key, but it was gone. “Did you take my key?”

“No.”

“That’s odd, I left it in the door and now it’s gone. Oh well. So, I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” She tried to keep the hurt out of her voice.

He moved to her and put his hands on her shoulders, “You’ll see me tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and so on and so forth, as long as you’ll have me. So, you just want to sleep next to me, nothing else?”

“Nope, just sleep. I think I’m too tired for anything else, anyway.”

“Ok, let’s not talk about it anymore, come on.” He moved out of the room and Erin followed closing the door behind her. On a whim, she tried to open it again, but it was locked.

“I wouldn’t have expected anything less,” she murmured, before joining Severus in the hallway. She cautiously put her hand in his and he looked down at her in surprise, but squeezed her hand softly before leading the way to his rooms.

This time when she entered his rooms they had a soft glow about them. She realized that the glow was coming from outside, and checking her watch saw that it was 6:30. We’re going to bed when everyone else is getting up, she thought with a smile.

“What are you smiling at?”

“It’s nothing,” she answered stifling another yawn.

He pulled her through the bathroom and into his bedroom. Looking down at her clothes she saw that she was wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts. Flogging her flip-flops off of her feet she sat down on the edge of the bed and waited for him to disrobe. “What are you looking at?”he asked.

“You.”

“Why?”

“I’m waiting for you to get naked,” she said trying to maintain her straight face.

His expression went from shock to amusement as he joined her on the bed and whispered in her ear, “You first then.”

Laughing out loud she answered, “I wasn't planning on stripping down, I just wanted to see you naked.”

“Aren’t you quite the comedienne,” he commented as he walked to his wardrobe and pulled out a pajama top. “Here, you can wear this, I have another pair.” He pulled out this aforementioned pair of pajamas and handing her the top walked into the bathroom to change.

Erin pulled off her tank top and pulled the pajama top on before discarding her shorts. Folding her clothes she put them in a pile near the window seat. Should I take off my underwear? It might give him the wrong idea, or then again, maybe that’s the right idea. She quickly pulled her bra off, but decided to leave her panties on. “Erin, are you done?”

“Yes.”

He came out of the bathroom and stopped in mid-stride. Erin hadn’t realized that she was standing in front of the window, and the light gray pajama top he’d given her was not hiding much with the rising sun at her back. With her hands on her hips she looked down at herself and not seeing any indecent, other than the pajama top stopped about mid-thigh, but big deal, she’d had shorts shorter than that. “What’s wrong?” she asked timidly.

Severus kept staring at her fixedly. She had no idea that her figure was outlined perfectly in the sunlight, and left nothing to his imagination, except what her bare skin looked like. Crossing her arms in front of her chest she was wishing she’d left her bra on when she asked, “Why are you staring at me like that?”

Finding his voice he reached out for her hand, “Because you are the most exquisite thing I have ever seen, and you’re standing in my bedroom.”

“Oh, stop it,” she answered modestly, but the rest of her protest was lost as he pulled her close to him for a long lingering kiss that left her feeling breathless and very excited.

“Let’s go to sleep before, well, before noon comes around,” he said briskly. She climbed into his bed and he walked around to the other side and lay down stiffly beside her.

“Severus?”

“Hmm,” he answered and she turned her head to see if he was already trying to sleep, but his eyes were staring back at her causing her again to catch her breath.

“I was wondering if you would hold me while we slept.”

He raised his arm up and she pressed herself against him, resting her head on his shoulder. Pulling her closer to him, his arm settled around her and she sighed one last time before drifting off to sleep feeling happier than she could ever remember being.

It was early afternoon when she awoke in Severus’ bed alone. She stretched slowly before hopping out of bed. Padding into his sitting room she found him staring out the window. “Hey, why didn’t you wake me when you got up.”

He turned slowly as if he’d known she was there all along. “I was going to in a minute. Dumbledore is looking for you. I guess Weasley’s here to see you. I didn’t tell Dumbledore that you were with me, but I think he already knows.”

“I think he knows just about everything that goes on here.” She put her hand on his arm and he stiffened under her touch. “What’s wrong,” she asked dropping her hand.

“I’m just wondering what happens now. Are you going to run to Weasley and tell him you want to be with him?”

“What are you talking about? I told you last night-”

“Yes, but that was before he showed up.”

“Oh honestly, you said that you believed me that we weren’t together, but-”

“Can you honestly say that if he doesn’t offer you more than friendship you won’t jump at the chance?”

“Yes, I can say that I-”

“How do you know?”

“If you’ll quit freaking interrupting me I might be able to explain. You know how I hate being interrupted. Ok, like I was saying, I know that I do not want to be in a relationship with Charlie because one I want to be in a relationship with you, and two,” she added before he could interrupt again, “he’s asked before and I turned him down.”

“Oh,” he said quietly and Erin couldn’t believe that she was seeing yet another side of him, his vulnerable, insecure side. He obviously did not like to show it.

“Geez, you big baby. Now will you at least kiss me good-bye before I go tell Weasley to bugger off?”

“You’re not going to tell him about us, are you?”

“Severus, I have to go, and no I will not say anything about us because so far there isn’t anything to tell, and even if we had something to tell, it’s nobody’s damn business.”

“Do you want there to be something to tell?”

Here was that needy insecure side again. “Yes, a thousand times yes, now please wipe off that pathetic face. I much prefer your sneer to this needy look you’re giving me right now.”

Staring down at her in disbelief he started to chuckle apparently realizing how ridiculous he was being. “Let him down gently, pumpkin. I’ll see you at dinner.”

He bent down for a kiss, but Erin pulled away repulsed, “Pumpkin? Pumpkin?”

“I was just trying it out.”

“Well, try it out on someone else. I in no way resemble a big orange vegetable, and to hear the name 'Pumpkin' pass your lips makes me think that someone is impersonating you again. Evil, nasty Professor Snape does not call people 'Pumpkin'!.”

He ended her rant with a kiss and whispered into her ear, “I believe it’s a fruit.”

“What? Oh, nevermind, I’ll see you at dinner.” Smiling up at him stupidly she saw that he was also grinning. Changing quickly into her clothes from the previous day, she deposited Severus' pajama top on the bed. Pausing on her way out to give him one last lingering kiss, she reluctantly left his rooms and headed to her own.

Once inside her rooms she threw some Floo powder into her fireplace saying, “Dumbledore.”

His face appeared almost immediately, “There you are, Professor Worhli, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. You have a visitor. He’s waiting for you in the library. It was where I sent him last, I thought you might be there,” his explained with a twinkle in his eye.

“Thank you, Professor, I’ll hurry to meet him now, sir.”

“Good luck, Erin,” he said as he disappeared with a ‘Pop!’

I swear that man knows a lot more than he lets on. Checking her hair in the mirror, Erin saw that it looked terrible and pulled it into a pony tail. She added a squirt of perfume just in case she smelled as she hadn’t taken a shower yet. I don’t want to make too much of an effort. It’s harder to be dumped by someone when they look great than when they look like hell.

Hurrying to the library she found Charlie sitting a table near the front. He smiled when he saw and Erin’s stomach dropped in anticipation of what she was going to have to tell him. Just be nice, but not too nice, and be firm, but not too firm. “Hi Charlie,” she whispered.

“Hey,” he whispered back as he hugged her briefly.

Erin pulled away quickly in case he thought about kissing her as well, but he didn’t even try. “What’s going on?” she whispered.

“Let’s take a walk so we don’t have to keep on whispering.”

She nodded and followed him out into the hallway. “Erin, we need to talk.”

Looking at him in surprise she attempted to find words. “About what, Charlie?”

“Well, we’ve been dating on and off for awhile now, and it’s been a lot of fun.”

“I agree, but Charlie-”

“No, wait a minute, Erin, let me finish.” Uh oh, now what. “I think you’re a terrific person, you’re beautiful and smart, and funny. You’re going to make some man very happy someday, but that man won’t be me.” Do you think he already knew what you were going to say? “It won’t be me because, well, I’ve found someone else.”

“What?” Erin was dumbfounded. She wanted to jump and down and congratulate him, and she almost would have, had she not caught herself in time and remembered that she was supposed to be upset by this. Ah, hell, can’t you just tell him you were going to call it off, too. No, don’t say that because then you’ll have to make up a reason aside from the fact that you’re in love with your Potions Master. Uh, oh, did you just say love? Ok, ok, focus, try to be a little upset, but not so much that you make him feel badly, and think about what you said about love later. “Charlie, I don’t know what to say,” she admitted honestly.

He took it to mean that she was upset about him finding someone else, “Erin, I’m sorry. I wasn’t looking to find someone else or anything, it’s just that she was one of my girlfriends when I was at Hogwarts, and I thought that I’d lost her forever, and she just sort of came back into my life, and I can’t let her slip away a second time.”

His eyes were pleading with her to understand. She wanted to console him, to let him know that she understood only too well, but instead said calmly, “I’m happy for you Charlie. You’ve nothing to be sorry about. I only hope that we can remain friends?” she asked hopefully. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to say, only it rarely ever happens.

Charlie pulled her into his arms for a tight, friendly embrace, “You bet we can. I guess I’d better be going.”

“Good luck, Charlie. I wish you two all the happiness in the world.”

He looked at her quizzically. Oops, maybe I went to far. “Thanks Erin. I’ll owl you soon. Bye.”

“Good-bye.” Phew, that worked out better than I thought it would. Turning around she walked back to her rooms with a slight skip in her step.

Reaching her rooms in record time she showered and changed and ran to dinner. Her face was flushed when she entered, and she could barely get a handle on her smile. Attempting not to grin stupidly, she put her head down and hurried to the head table.

“You’re certainly in a chipper mood tonight, Erin,” Professor Flitwick noticed with a smile.

“Filius, I am in an amazing mood tonight,” she said as she put her arm around him for a brief hug. “And how are you doing tonight, Severus,” she turned the man on her left with a smile playing on her lips.

His haughty demeanor had returned and he answered coolly, “I’m quite fine, thank you.”

Erin resisted the urge to jump into his arms and kiss away his smirk. Instead she reached for her goblet with her left hand, careful to brush her hand against his. He noticed her deliberate touch and the smirk left his face. Erin noticed that he didn’t smile, but now his expression was a blank one.

Speeding through the meal, Erin felt positively giddy. Getting up from the table, she shot Severus a meaningful look, and turned to exit the hall. It was only then that she saw a large black dog sitting by the door.

Oh, shit.