An American Professor

When Erin awoke the next morning, she strained to remember how she’d gotten where she was. Looking around she realized that she was sleeping in a hospital bed next to Ginny Weasley. Looking down at herself she saw she was wearing the running pants and t-shirt she’d had on last night. Erin couldn’t find any injuries, and after a few moments the realization of what had transpired came rushing back to her.

After she’d finished crying, Erin had run to the Hospital Wing to see Ginny. Ron and the twins had been leaving as she rushed in. They all looked concerned, but Ron looked particularly disturbed. She exchanged a tearful hug with Ron, and then shooed them all to bed.

Ginny was already asleep, so Erin curled up in a nearby bed in case Ginny needed her. She must have fallen asleep shortly thereafter. Now, having fully woken up, Erin looked around the room. It was empty aside from Ginny who was still asleep.

Erin stood up and stretched before walking to Ginny’s bed. As if sensing Erin’s presence, Ginny’s eyes fluttered open. “Morning.”

Erin smiled with false cheeriness. “Good morning.”

“Erin, please tell me it was all a nightmare.”

“I wish I could say that it was,” Erin whispered.

Ginny began to cry and Erin sat on her bed and held her, her own tears escaping. “I can’t believe it. Harry’s finally my boyfriend and he gets kidnapped while with me! It’s not fair!”

“I know, Ginny, I know. Hey, come on, crying isn’t gonna help. Harry’s not dead. Everything will be fine. He’s faced that Wack-o how many times? You’ll see, Ginny, it’s going to be fine.”

“I know you’re trying to make me feel better, Erin, but it’s not going to work. I know you don’t believe those things you’ve said.” Ginny’s eyes were red and she looked disbelievingly at Erin.

“Ginny, you listen to me. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be scared and upset. Hell, I’m scared and upset every time- well, a lot. The point is that you’ve got to have a little faith. If you give up hope, what else is there? I believe that Harry will come back. I also think that if you believe in something enough it will happen.”

“Like praying.”

“Exactly.”

They were silent for a few minutes each lost in their own thoughts, before Ginny turned to Erin. “Thanks for staying overnight.”

“You’re welcome. Do you feel like telling me what happened last night?”

“I really told Dumbledore everything I know. We were together. Everything was fine, great, actually,” she blushed and Erin laughed slightly. “And then Harry’s eyes got wide and he was reaching for his wand when everything went black.” Ginny broke off with a sob.

“Ginny, I’m so sorry.”

“I know.” They hugged again for several minutes before Erin headed to the Great Hall for breakfast.

In light of the recent events, she only found slight solace in the fact that it was Saturday. Upon arrival in the Great Hall, Erin was practically bowled over by a sobbing Hermione and a pale and drawn Ron. She told Ron that Ginny was awake. After explaining that she did not have any more news than that, and reassuring Hermione that it was not her fault for suggesting the stroll, Erin found her seat.

The news of Harry’s abduction had spread through the school and the mood was entirely subdued. Even the Slytherins were not drawing attention to themselves. Erin took her seat noticing that Snape was not present while Flitwick was. He patted her hand reassuringly as she sipped her coffee.

Erin nibbled on a piece of toast absentmindedly. She was hoping Snape would come to breakfast as she was anxious to speak with him. It became apparent a half hour later that he was not going to partake in the meal. Erin resigned herself to locate him. They needed to talk.

She realized that she was still wearing the clothing she’d put on after Sirius interrupted her bath, but decided that she couldn’t be bothered with that right then. Her hair was indeed in a sorry state as she paused in front of a mirror to straighten it.

“You’ll never land a man looking that way, dear.” It took Erin a moment to realize that the mirror was speaking to her. Her bathroom mirror had never spoken to her, and it came as quite a surprise that this mirror could speak.

Erin answered defensively, “First of all, ‘Landing a man’ is the last thing on my mind. Further, should I want to, he’d better love me regardless of appearance.”

“Hear, hear!” Erin spun around and realized McGonagall had witnessed her exchange with the mirror. “A word to the wise, Professor Worhli, the mirror makes the comment, but does not listen to the answer, so save you breath. However, you are in good company. That mirror said the same thing to me when I was about your age. Good day.”

The stern professor continued on her way, and Erin shuddered. Oh Lord, I’ve seen my future, and it does not look good. She reached up to defensively touch the knot of hair at the nape of her neck. Oh, Erin, be serious, you won’t turn into a school marm overnight, get over it. Finished admonishing herself, she continued on her way.

Snape’s office door was closed, but she knew he was in there. Knocking lightly on the door, she waited. When no response came, she knocked again more forcefully. He still did not respond and she was getting angry. She pummeled the door and yelled, “I know you’re in there! You let me in right now, or I’ll blow the door off its hinges!”

The door swung open and Snape stood in the doorway glaring at her. “I’m not in the mood for company, least of all, yours. Go away.”

He tried to shut the door, but Erin put her body into the doorframe. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Crossing his arms he sneered at her, “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Too bad because we need to talk.”

With that Erin pushed past him fully in his office. “I have nothing to say to you,” he reiterated.

“I think you do.” In response he closed the door and went to his desk. He refused to look at her and began shuffling papers. “Severus,” she began, but he interrupted.

“It’s Professor Snape, if you don’t mind.” He continued to look at his desk.

“I do mind!” she roared, “Since when is it Professor Snape?”

“Since it became apparent that I am nothing more than your professor.”

Erin slammed her fist onto his desk and asked through gritted teeth, “What are you talking about?”

Cold black eyes evenly met enraged blue ones, “You know what I’m talking about.”

Her voice was shrill, “Obviously, I haven’t a freaking clue!”

“You were practically in Black’s pants!” He was standing now and only his desk separated them, and it seemed like an insignificant item in between their massive rage.

“First of all, that’s none of your damn business. Secondly, what does that have to do with our friendship?” she yelled.

“You know damn well that it has everything to do with it!”

“Are you saying that you were only friends with me because you wanted it to lead to something more?” Erin was now yelling so loudly she hurt her own ears, but felt satisfied upon seeing Snape wince.

“No, that’s not, well, it was in the back of my mind. You had to have known.”

“Well, I didn’t know you felt as strongly as all of that. How am I supposed to know what you really feel? I’m not a freaking mind reader! I thought our friendship was enough for you, it was for me,” she said, a little more quietly.

“Well, bloody hell! Of course friendship was enough for you, you’re shagging Black and who knows about that Weasley sap.”

Erin’s voice was venomous, “I-am-not-shagging-anyone,” she said slowly and deliberately. “Say it again, and I’ll cut out your tongue, you asshole.”

Snape looked surprised by the threat, but pressed on, “So, why send lover-boy off alone? Why not get us both out of your hair, so you could focus on Weasley?”

Erin moved so quickly to the other side of his desk, he didn’t have a chance to step back, “What are you implying?” Snape didn’t answer, but also didn’t look away. “You’re such a dick sometimes. For your information I meant what I said about putting extra people in danger. Obviously, Sirius had to go to Harry, I just couldn’t see,” she trailed off and began to move to the door muttering.

“Couldn’t see what?”

“Does it matter? We’re not friends anymore. Why should I share my motives with you?” She glared at him.

“Because I… because we’re…we’re on the same side.”

“Are we? I wonder.. Fine! You want to know the other reason? I knew that Harry needed Sirius and vice versa, but I couldn’t let you go, too.”

“Why?” he looked at her in amazement.

Tears began to stream down Erin’s face, “Well, now I wonder,” she began, but her tone softened, “but at the time I just couldn’t imagine what I would do. I can’t bear the thought that I could lose you both,” she wailed, but continued, “As long as I can keep one of you here, I know you’re safe,” she sobbed.

“Oh Erin,” he sighed. It was such a childish idea, but as she buried her head in her hands and slumped to the floor she realized it felt good to say it out loud. Snape sat on the floor next to her without touching her. Just his proximity made her feel better, and her sobs soon subsided.

She mustered the courage to look at him and saw that he was staring at her fixedly. “You know, I think that I am the most upset about the fact that I had to see you kissing Black the way I wish you would kiss me.”

Erin grimaced and asked, “Are we friends again, yet, because I really need to talk to you about that. And it’s definitely not something I’d like to discuss with my Potions professor.”

Snape looked at her for a long moment before answering, “Erin, my pride was hurt when I said all that other stuff. I can’t imagine not talking to and spending time with you. However, I do not want to hear all the torrid details of your affair with Black.”

“Ok, I’ll take that as a ‘Yes, Erin, we’re friends.’ And trust me, what you saw is as torrid as it gets or will ever get for that matter. I don’t think you really want to know.”

“You’re right, I don’t want to know.” He looked at her again and found his comment hadn’t even produced a slight smile. In fact, if Erin looked half as miserable as she was feeling on the inside, then it was a pretty bad face she was wearing. “Alright, tell me.”

She shook her head reluctantly, “No.”

“You are obviously feeling miserable, and misery loves company. Just tell me,” he repeated when she shook her head.

“Fine, he left on bad terms. That should thrill you.”

“Well, actually,” he began, but thought better of it, “What happened?”

“It’s embarrassing,” she began, but knew he was going to bug her until she told him, “Ok, I’ll tell you. I stopped him from saying the L- word, and he got upset.”

“The L-word?”

Erin grimaced. It was as if when she actually said it out loud it would actually be true. Mustering up her courage she explained with one word, “Love.”

“Oh. Oh! Well, I can see how that would be a problem.”

She moaned and put her head in her hands, “I know.”

“So, why did you stop him?”

“Because I couldn’t say it back.”

“Why?”

Erin’s head snapped up, “I don’t know! Quit grilling me!”

“I’m not grilling you, I’m just trying to get the full story. A little touchy aren’t we? Could you not say it because you don’t love him, or is it because you’re afraid to say it?”

“I-DON’T-KNOW! Honestly, this is not making me feel better. Don’t you think I’ve been asking myself those very same questions? Only every second since he left, and still I don’t know! She was standing now and glowering at him.

He also stood to look at her carefully. “No more questions.”

“Good.”

“Ok, I lied, one more question. Before Christmas, under the mistletoe, was that kiss we shared that terrible?”

Erin sighed deeply. Of all times to ask such a question, “Severus, I don’t know. I wasn’t really concentrating on the kiss. I was concentrating on the massive audience.”

“I see.”

Great going, Erin. Smash one ego right after the other. “Severus, I’m sure if I hadn’t been so distracted it would have been an amazing kiss.” He nodded, but didn’t look as if he believed her. “Fine, fine, fine! Ugh! Men!”

“Are we really so terrible?”

“You said you weren’t going to ask me anymore questions.”

“Ah, so I did. Fine, then I won’t ask, but I’ll demand something.”

“Oh, yeah, since I respond so well to demands,” she answered sarcastically.

“Erin , this means a lot to me. I need you to promise me this. Promise me that when I am called again, you’ll kiss me good-bye properly.”

She turned to look at him searchingly. Erin tried to find the words to protest, but instead asked, “Severus, but why?”

“I can’t answer that, without possibly starting this fight all over again. Please promise me Erin.” He took her hands in his and looked deep into her eyes. “Please?” he asked again his eyes pleading with her desperately.

Erin couldn’t answer audibly for fear of crying, so she simply nodded and squeezed his hands. Wondering why she agreed and why it meant so much to him, she didn’t resist as he pulled her into his arms for a tight hug. Her tears began to spill down her cheeks, and for the millionth time, she ran through the past few days’ events in her mind.