An American Professor

Before Erin could get an answer out Hermione interrupted, "Harry, you don't get put where you want to go, you get sorted by what's in your head."

Harry looked down and muttered, "I chose, sort of." Then he rolled his eyes at Hermione, gave Erin a piercing stare and said, "Where do you think you'd be placed?" He looked to Hermione feigning the need for approval; she nodded distractedly at him, but seemed to be on pins and needles to hear Erin's answer.

"Uh, well, ok, let's see I guess in this compartment there's an overwhelming number of Gryffindors, so I'd be a fool to say I wouldn't want to be sorted there, but as Hermione said, it's not about what you want." Erin was quiet for a moment. "Well, I'll have to admit that I can be pretty sneaky and cunning. Coming up with crafty schemes is one of my favorite pastimes, so Slytherin might be the answer." She looked around finding what she had expected, extreme disappointment on their faces. She smiled to herself as she continued, "But…" there were glimmers of hope appearing on their expectant faces, she continued, "I've found that I have a hard time being anything but honest and blunt with people, so they might kick me out of Slytherin. I can work real hard to get what I want, so I guess that is a Hufflepuff characteristic, but being a bit lazy is a lot more fun." She paused, and noticed that they'd caught on to her games, so she decided to shake them up a bit. "However, I graduated from college Magna Cum Laude, which is really good," she told them seeing their confusion as to what this had to do with anything, "it's well in the top ten percent. So, I think that Ravenclaw just might be the place for me." She smiled at them, and they looked at her impatiently. She just sat there staring back at them.

Finally it was Neville who found his voice, "Don't you have any qualities to make you fit into Gryffindor?" The others looked at her eagerly.

Erin tried not to smile as she said, "No, not especially. At least not anything I can think of. I mean, I don't think I have a courageous bone in my body. I completely dissolve at the first sign of a snake or spider." She began laughing at their dumbstruck faces. "I'm only kidding! I mean, I guess I am pretty courageous in my own way. I left the only home that I had even known, accepted the fact that I am a witch and moved to a different country to teach a bunch of witches and wizards in training. I'm not sure if that's really brave or if it's just plain stupid," Erin laughed. The others laughed with her for a few moments. "Anyway," she said, "I guess I'll just leave it for the hat to decide, if that's what has to happen."

They all sat silently for a few moments enjoying the gentle roll of the train. Suddenly, Hermione stood up and exclaimed, "We're almost there and we haven't changed!"

Erin looked at her quizzically, "Changed from what?" Hermione started to look impatient and then realized that Erin wasn't making a joke, "I mean, change into our robes."

Erin felt a sinking sensation in her stomach, "Oh, those! I thought that those were for graduation ceremonies or something. Dammit, I had no idea you wore those to school!" She had always hated to be unprepared. Hated even more still drawing attention to herself for not doing something properly. "So," she said pulling her favorite black cardigan from her carry on, "does anyone know how to transfigure sweaters into robes?" she asked. All eye turned to Hermione.

Hermione looked unsure, "Well, I haven't actually read that chapter, but maybe one of the 7th years can do it!" She exclaimed, "I'll be right back!" Erin watched her go with mixed feelings. She was surprised that the girl was so eager to assist, but embarrassed that she had to ask for help, and worse, she was afraid for two reasons. One, that her favorite sweater was going to come back in pieces, but more importantly, she was afraid that Hermione would tell whomever she asked to transfigure the robes that they were for a teacher. A teacher who could not do a simple transfiguration would not command a lot of respect. Erin was starting to wish that she had never opened her big mouth just as Hermione strode importantly back through the door and handed Erin a set of robes and said, "Don't look so worried, I didn't tell anyone who they were for."

Erin breathed a heavy sigh of relief, "Thanks!" She pulled the robes over her clothes, but didn't fasten them. The robes were a perfect fit and just the right length. The others looked at her expectantly. "What?" she asked finally.

Ginny blushed and asked shyly, "Aren't you going to fasten them?"

"I hadn't planned on it, actually," she admitted and shrugged, "Is it a big deal?" The others looked at one another shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. They're probably afraid to tell a teacher what to do, Erin thought, so, I'll make it easy on them. "Is anyone going to keel over and die because I haven't fastened them?" she began, "At least I'm wearing the damn things, so don't hold your breath on them being fastened anytime soon," she smiled encouragingly at them.

"It's just that it's not exactly what a professor typically wears under her robes." Hermione began, but Erin cut her off, "I think it should be obvious by now that I'm not in any way a 'typical' professor, so I guess that's that." Erin saw Harry smiling at her encouragingly, how odd she thought, to get encouragement from a student, but at the same time it seemed OK, so she smiled back and sat down to wait for the train to stop.

The others sat down and fidgeted nervously. Erin assumed that they were excited about starting a new year and being back at their school. She felt butterflies of her own welling up in the pit of her stomach. They turned into something that felt like gigantic pterodactyls as she felt the train come to a rolling stop.

She reached for her carry on when Harry stopped her saying; "They'll bring that for you."

"Most of my life's essentials are in this bag, so, it isn't leaving my hot little hands." And saying that, she picked up her bag and began making her way, with the throng of students, off the train.

Erin followed the students from the train and made her way to the platform. She stopped dead as she stepped onto the platform, and stared open mouthed at what had to be the largest most ferocious looking man she'd ever seen. He had to be at least ten feet tall and very hairy. She couldn't believe that this school would allow such scary looking individuals. Erin was contemplating taking the first train back to London. If this was the sort of people that this school had, she didn't see how she'd ever get used to living here. She cringed as she saw him look her direction.

Just as she began to fear the sound about to exit his mouth, his face seemed to go through a metamorphosis, and he broke into a huge smile. All the features that had frightened her at first now seemed to have stemmed from deep concentration, as if he'd been searching for something. His smile immediately transformed this man and all of his ferocious features into a huge teddy bear. His voice was low and gruff; it broke a little as he called out "Al'right there, Harry?"

Harry smiled back reassuringly and said, "Of course, Hagrid." Erin stared at the two quizzically wondering about the connection between them, but she didn't have time to ask.

Hagrid turned to the remaining occupants of their compartment. "Al'right, you four?" Simultaneously, Ginny, Ron, Hermione, and Neville yelled back to Hagrid that they were fine. He nodded, his face became solemn again as he called out, "Firs years, this way! Keep up, please!"

Erin whispered to Harry, "Whom do the returning students follow?"

He smiled, "Nobody. We ride in the carriages. Just come with us." So, Erin followed Harry, Hermione, and Ron to a row of carriages with no horses. She stared at them for a time until Ron cleared his throat to remind her to get in. She stepped into the carriage.

"So, how long until the horses arrive?" she asked staring out the window. She missed the amused glances from her carriage mates. She felt the carriage begin to move forward. "That's funny, I didn't see any horses when we got in, how could they have gotten here so quickly?" She leaned out of the window and looked towards the front of the carriage. "Oh, my gosh! There aren't any horses pulling this thing!" She looked at them and saw their bemused expressions. "Oh, you already knew that, huh?"

She turned back to observe the horseless carriage and her eyes widened, and murmured, "Whoa!" She chuckled at herself realizing that she had said this out loud, and the others soon joined in.

She composed herself after a few moments and said, "I suppose when we get out I'll have to start behaving like a professor. Anyway, this won't be the most fun part of my journey. I guess I'll have to pretend to be more serious. So, I may seem a bit un-fun and boring and stuffy, and all the things I hate, so bear with me, until I test out the waters a bit and then, I promise, I'll be fun again." She smiled at the others who nodded in understanding.

They arrived at the castle within a few moments, much to Erin's chagrin. Despite her best effort to prepare them, the trio was nevertheless completely unprepared for how Erin acted when she stepped out of the carriage. She pulled herself up to her full five foot seven inch stature, squared her shoulders, stuck out her strong chin, and practically marched to the castle as if she owned the place. The trio's mouths hung open collectively as they watched.

Erin felt badly for a moment as she heard Ginny tell them to shut their mouths, as they were soon to catch flies with them hanging open as they were. She realized with a start that she was walking in front of all of the students now. She prayed silently that she was going the correct way. Despite her outward appearance, Erin was feeling as if her knees were about to give out. Her stomach was in gigantic knots. It seemed the pterodactyls that had inhabited her stomach earlier, had invited their friends over for a romp. Her feet felt as if two-ton cement blocks were attached to them. Erin contemplated briefly running back to the carriages and heading back to the train. She knew it wasn't really an option, but it distracted her for a moment. She continued to walk forward. It shouldn't feel like you are walking to your death or something, get a grip, Erin, she scolded herself.

She took long strides toward what appeared to be the entrance of the castle as torches to fend off the settling darkness lit it. The castle was enormous and more beautiful than she had imagined. It was difficult to see all of it, but she strained her eyes to look at as much of it as was possible. Erin was slightly startled at the appearance of a peculiar little man from the depths of the castle. He seemed to be about three and a half feet tall, and filled with a lot of spunk.

The little man appeared to have jumped when he saw her, and Erin silently hoped it was for joy. She walked swiftly to him and tried to act professionally as she stuck out her hand to introduce herself. She broke into a sincere grin, the size of which seemed to startle the little man, and for a moment she was afraid he would fall over.

"I'm Professor Worhli," she said as she toned down her smile.

"Professor Flitwick, at your service," he squeaked apparently not having recovered from the force of her smile.

"It's an absolute pleasure to meet you," she said looking him squarely in the eye, though she had to lower her eyes a bit and step back. He smiled at her and she wanted to hug him. His friendly welcome had in a subtle way made her feel very welcome. She resisted the urge, as she was afraid she'd frighten him terribly. Erin began to notice the students clustering around them looking at her with keen interest.

Flitwick cleared his throat and squeaked, "Well, you'd better come with me, I'll show you were to sit, and later where your rooms are."

From the middle of the crowd a snobbish, haughty voice sneered, "Since when do transfer students get their own rooms?"

Immediately, a voice Erin recognized sarcastically spat, "When they're not transfer students, but professors, Malfoy, you git!" Erin looked to Ron and gave him a small smile and a wink in appreciation and turned to follow Professor Flitwick. She heard quite a bit of intense whispering behind her as the returning students followed her into an enormous room.

Her eyes widened as she took in the hundreds of candles floating over four long tables and in front of what appeared to be the head table. She gasped as she saw that the ceiling looked just as it had outside. She hadn't realized that she stopped dead in the doorway in her amazement until she heard an irritated, "Ahem." She blushed and turned to Flitwick who looked back with a knowing look in his eyes.

She hurried to catch up and dropped her head as he asked, "First time?" She muttered indistinguishably under her breath and felt ready to turn and run away, but she scolded herself, Get a grip, you aren't fourteen, you don't have to act like you've done anything wrong or are inferior, it isn't your fault you didn't know your heritage. She stuck out her chin again and smiled at Flitwick, following him to the head table where a very distinguished looking wizard with long white hair and beard sat.

She realized that he'd been watching her progress since she'd entered the Great Hall, but she'd been unaware of his piercing stare until now. She returned his stare, and found she could not pull her eyes from his and knew at that instant who this man was. Finally reaching him she stuck out her hand importantly and said, "Professor Albus Dumbledore, it is an honor and privilege to be here. Thank-you so much for all that you've already done for me."

Dumbledore regarded her hand, then stood, and wrapped Erin in a hug taking her by complete surprise. It seemed to surprise everyone else in the room as well as they all stopped what they were doing to stare at the unfolding scene. As Dumbledore released her, he said, "It's an honor for me to have been the one to tell you that you are a witch. I am delighted that you accepted my job invitation. I'm sure that you will fit in very nicely here. If you need anything please do not hesitate to ask." He smiled warmly at her and all of Erin's nervousness drained from her. She realized with a start that she actually felt relieved to be there. She hadn't known relief in the eight months since she'd received Dumbledore's first letter.

Erin's relief vanished almost a quickly as it had come, when she glimpsed a dark man standing behind Dumbledore glowering at her. She felt herself shudder unintentionally before pulling her gaze away from him as she realized Dumbledore was introducing her to a stern looking woman standing to his left. Erin shook Professor McGonagall's hand limply and exchanged halfhearted pleasantries. She realized that McGonagall was regarding her attire with disdain, and Erin braced herself with the impending comment.
"Dear, perhaps you didn't know, but that is not how one should wear one's robes." McGonagall began stiffly.

Erin felt herself bristle, and fought to bite back a nasty comment, instead she said, "Professor McGonagall a few of your Gryffindors were kind enough to advise me of such. However, when I last checked there was nothing about a dress code for professors, and if you don't mind, I choose to wear my robes as they are. I do thank you for your concern though." Erin smiled at the stern woman who did not return the smile but instead raised her eyebrows at Erin. OK, I definitely do not want to be sorted, if I am, into her house, Erin decided.

Dumbledore continued the introductions of the other professors leaving nasty man, standing behind him for last. "Last, but absolutely not least, Erin, this is our Potions Master, Severus Snape. Severus, this is Erin, our much anticipated professor of Muggle studies." Dumbledore looked at the two of them expectantly.

Erin was slightly afraid to extend her hand out of fear of rejection by this man. She was already on the defensive because of his unwarranted glares. Erin could be a nasty as anyone and she decided that it might be fun to play with this sour-faced man a little. Screwing her face into a big phony smile she proceeded to gush, "Professor Snape, we meet at last. I've heard so much about you!" Snape looked a little surprised and then very pleased.

Dumbledore looked pleased as well by this exchange and interjected, "All good, I suppose?" he asked with a chuckle.

Erin smiled pleasantly at Dumbledore and turned to address Snape directly. "Actually…no, none of it was good. So, where do I sit?" she asked turning her now genuine smile to Flitwick once more. Erin caught Snape's changing expression out of the corner of her eye, it was shifting from pleased, to surprised, to even more hateful than before.

Flitwick was on the verge of levitating he was so happy to see Snape put in his place, as it didn't happen often. He could barely contain himself as he squeaked out, "Between myself and Severus, right here," he motioned to her chair before plopping into his own chair. At that point Erin decided to continue the revenge and moved to her own chair. She pulled it as far away from Snape's and as close to Flitwick's as she could without it appearing as though she were sitting on Flitwick's lap. She then gracefully slid into her seat. If it's a war he wants then he's met a formidable foe, Erin thought smugly. Snape's scowl had definitely gone from bad to worse at her little display.

Erin suddenly became aware of eyes on her and so she looked up trying to figure out where the feeling was coming from. She quickly made out the figure of Ron sitting at what had to be the Gryffindor table with his thumbs up grinning from ear to ear. Harry and Hermione also wore big smiles, and it occurred to Erin that they must have witnessed the entire exchange at the staff table. She gave them a wink and chuckled to herself.

Snape, still fuming apparently followed her gaze to the Gryffindor table. "Am I to assume," he sneered, "from that little exchange that you already have your own fan club?"

"Am I to assume from your surly disposition that you're impotent?" Erin spat back loud enough for the staff table and several of the students still making their way to their seats to hear. Flitwick began to choke on his pumpkin juice, startled by her brazenness. Erin turned to pat him on the back and to ask if he was all right.

Snape seemed to be attempting a retort when Dumbledore stood up to loudly announce, "Please take your seats quickly, the first years are coming in." Erin watched as a bunch of eleven year olds came through the Great Hall's entrance and walked nervously towards the staff table.

Dumbledore began his speech about welcoming the new students and forbidden items. Erin's thoughts began to drift to the rude man on her left. I wonder what his problem is? I bet he was Dumbledore's pet and now he thinks that I am going to uproot him. I've never been anyone's pet, that's just sickening, but still it doesn't give him the right to be so nasty to me. A sick sensation welled up in her stomach as she became quite aware that Dumbledore had stopped talking and was looking at her. Erin had no idea what he wanted, so she smiled at him. Flitwick whispered, "Stand up and say hello."

As if a puppet, Erin slowly rose from her seat, plastered a grin on her face and put her hand up and gave a little wave saying, "Hello." She checked to make sure that Snape hadn't pulled out her chair, and sank gracefully back down.

She was aware of a multitude of whispering voices and a sarcastic voice was in her ear, "Not much for articulation, huh? Well, you could have at least dressed for the occasion." Erin flashed on a nightmare of being naked in a room full of people and quickly looked down to make sure she was still clothed.

When she looked back to Snape her eyes shot daggers, "I should think that you are the last person to be giving out fashion tips, 'Mr. Fashion Victim of the Week'. The greasy haired, bedraggled style went out about five years ago. As it is I'll ask you to mind your own damn business!" She turned to face forward and realized that her little speech had been shouted not hissed. All eyes were on her in stunned silence. The students seemed unable to decide which was more startling, the new professor telling off Snape or the fact that he'd turned beet red.

Erin looked down at her plate and blushed her self. She felt like pond scum. "Sorry," she muttered.

Snape nodded curtly and Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Well, that being said… Let the sorting begin!" The sorting hat burst into song, which Erin ignored praying that this whole ordeal would be over swiftly.

Professor McGonagall stepped forward with a roll of parchment, and began reading off names. Erin halfheartedly clapped as each student stepped forward, sat on the stool that had been placed in front of the staff table and placed the hat on their head. The list seemed to go on forever until there were two students left. "Uberforth, Marcus!" went to Slytherin and "Vega, Alexandra!" went to Ravenclaw. Erin assumed they were done, as there were no other students standing in front of the head table and wondered if they were finally going to get to eat, she stared at her plate expectantly. Her head shot up quickly when she heard McGonagall clear her voice and say, "Worhli, Erin!"

Erin looked at her in stunned silence, McGonagall shrugged and Erin shifted her gaze to Dumbledore. His sky blue eyes seemed to be twinkling. Erin finally found her voice and managed to croak out, "Ha ha, funny joke to play on the new teacher. You had me for a second people. Can we please eat now?"

Dumbledore smiled reassuring, "I assure you, it's no joke. You are going to be taking classes as well as teaching them, so it is tradition that each student be sorted."

"But, I mean, I am hardly what you would call a 'traditional' student, surely this is not, ah, necessary?" Erin's eyes pleaded silently with Dumbledore.

"Tradition," he smiled, "is always necessary."

Erin opened her mouth to protest, and shut just a quickly realizing it was futile to argue with this man. Sighing deeply, she rose from her chair and stomped to the front of the staff table. She realized that she was behaving childishly, but she felt as if she'd taken her share of abuse for the day. She resigned herself to keep from making a fool out of herself by crying about all of this, and stared intently at the stool recently vacated by "Vega, Alexandra!"

Professor McGonagall handed her the sorting hat. She sat down on the stool and stared at the hat with such a fierce gaze she wondered if it could and would explode. With shaking hands Erin placed it upon her head.

The hat immediately began to talk. Harry had told her that the hat spoke to you as a voice inside your head. Erin closed her eyes to concentrate on what it said. "Hmm, interesting, yes, very interesting, you're quite a bit older than those I usually sort," it began.

"OK, tell me something I don't know." The Hall snickered and Erin realized that she had spoken out loud.

"Well, this is a tough one, indeed, but I like challenges. At birth, you'd have definitely gone into Slytherin. Quite a caustic tongue," Erin felt her face go red, "and very cunning and sneaky weren't you, but you aren't so much like that anymore for whatever reason, so let's try somewhere else. Quite a mind here! A real intellect. You actually like the library!"

"What's so terrible about liking the library?" she demanded indignantly.

More snickers erupted and Erin heard a familiar haughty female voice saying, "There's nothing wrong with liking the library!"

"Shut up!" an equally familiar voice exclaimed.

The hat continued, "But no, I'm not sure that Ravenclaw is the house for you."

"OK, hat, so not Ravenclaw and not Slytherin, would you like to wrap this up before I have my first grandkid?" Erin heard Flitwick's disappointed, "Oh," and another round of giggles, but she turned her attention back to the hat.

"Definitely have developed a lot of courage haven't you? Got quite a stubborn streak, too? Well, that's a possibility, but this is the most curious of all, very hardworking, you are, but no trust in anyone but yourself." Erin stiffened slightly and was starting to feel like she should throw the damn hat across the room.

"Well, it looks like you've had very good reasons to feel that way, so don't get all indignant," the hat sputtered, "and don't even think about throwing me across the room!"

Erin gasped, forgetting that the hat could hear her every thought. "Well, I wouldn't think about throwing you across the room if you weren't dwelling on all of my faults!"

"Well, it looks as if you'd be great in any of those three houses, doesn't it? Do we go with your birth rite, your intellect, or the courage? Hmm, well, let's see…why not go with…but then again maybe it should be….I'm just not sure…do you have a preference?" the hat asked.

"I thought it wasn't about what you wanted, but about what was inside your head?"

"It is. You just have too much inside your head. I believe that most of the students by the time they reach their seventh year could be placed in several different houses because they have grown as individuals. That is one of the things about Hogwarts, it challenges you to go beyond the surface, to reach beyond who you are to what you want to become."

"Blah, blah, blah! Dammit all to hell flip a coin or something, will you? I don't know what to tell you. Tell Dumbledore that you give up, just get on with it, will you?"

"Professor Dumbledore, this one has quite a mouth on her," the hat spoke so that the room could hear, "there are three houses that she could fit into well enough. Perhaps, you should decide another way."

Erin whipped off the hat. "Well, I guess that breaks with tradition. Now what do we do?" She stared at Dumbledore expectantly.

"Professor Worhli, were you giving the hat a hard time?" The twinkle had left his eye.

Erin didn't like feeling as if she were being scolded like a two-year-old. "Professor Dumbledore, I suggested that the hat give up as he could not decide where to put me, but surely you heard that."

"I did hear that, Professor Worhli, but I wonder perhaps what else you may have threatened the hat with that was not audible." His face was expressionless, but Erin shivered feeling that she would probably feel better if his face was contorted in anger. She looked at the other professors and realized that they all were wearing angry enough faces to make up for Dumbledore's blank one. All except Flitwick and Snape. The little man, looked horrified, while Snape's face was full of delight.

Erin was not about to be bullied. She looked each professor in the eye raising one eyebrow before turning to Dumbledore. "With all due respect, sir, I find it funny that you didn't mention conformity as a requirement when you sent me the job offer. It seems that from the moment I arrived in England that people have been regarding me as if I were a freak. I give you my word that I did not threaten the silly hat, and you'll have to take that or leave it." Gasps emanated from the students sitting behind her, and several of the professor's faces changed from anger to shock at her bold words spoken to Dumbledore.

"Ah, well, I guess that decides it," Dumbledore began. Erin cringed visibly waiting to hear that she was fired. Oh, geez, what have you done this time, smart ass? You pissed off the most powerful wizard in the world; do you think he's only going to fire you? You'll be damn lucky to get out of here alive. Erin shook off the thoughts and squared her shoulders ready to take whatever Dumbledore dished out.