The Extremely Private Communal Notebook

Dear Moony, Wormtail, and Padfoot:

You guys, I'm serious. I think you just don't understand how bad Evans wants me.

Wormtail, I, too, am up for a post-full moon booze-up, and am willing to assist you in the procurement of suitable beverages. Ignore Moony; the stick up his arse will come out after the full moon, and then he'll be more apt to join us in a celebratory whiskey-fest. I'm also flattered that you worship me, but you really need to get yourself a girl, mate. Like how I've got Evans, for example.

Moony, I never complain and you know bloody well that she fancies me. Why don't you talk to her tomorrow in Arithmancy for me? There absolutely will be a booze-up! Come on! It's not like we'll get caught! Padfoot's right. You are a sadistic git.

Padfoot, ignore Moony. See stick-in-arse reason above. Also, please note that nor am I an option for you, though Wormtail is right; you do stare at me in the showers. I can't believe you're flirting with McGonagall right now, either. That's quite possibly the most nauseating thing ever.

Finally, FOUR MORE DAYS 'TIL THE FULL MOON, FELLAS!!!!!!

Yours in excitement,

Prongs

Dear Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs:

Moony, Prongs is right. Pull the stick out of your arse ASAP! There will be some whiskey-theft, and certainly a booze-up. Come on! With the exception of Padfoot's slug hex, we haven't caused any mayhem for a whole week! PLEASE, oh great and powerful prefect? You'll give in eventually. You always do!

Prongs, EVANS DOES NOT WANT YOU! Take a mental picture, put it in your wank bank, do whatever you need to do. We'll even give you the privacy, man, just GET OVER HER! I do not worship the ground you walk on...okay, okay, so I admire you, but I in no way...I mean, my idolization of you is at a completely healthy level...oh, shut up, Padfoot!

Padfoot, first see above. Next, the idea of you putting the moves on McGonagall is disturbing. She's a CAT, man! Have some dignity! Besides...she could EAT ME!

Okay, well, I'm gonna go get the map. We'll steal the whiskey tonight, then hide it in our room until time for the booze-up.

Yours in theft,

Wormtail

Dear Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs:

Wormtail, put the map down, back away slowly, and keep you hands where I can see them! There will be NO booze-up! If you lot do this, I'll...I'll...I'll tell Dumbledore! He trusts us...well, he trusts me anyway. Also, Prongs is right. You need to find yourself a girl. I do not always give in eventually!

Prongs, YOU DO NOT "HAVE" LILY! Secondly, I DO NOT HAVE A STICK UP MY ARSE! Just for that, I won't talk to Lily for you.

Padfoot, no, I do not enjoy watching you torture Severus. Unlike the three of you, I think of girls when I wank, not hexing Snape. Perhaps there's something you lot need to tell me? Don't worry, it won't affect our friendship. And flirting with McGonagall? HOW DARE YOU! If any of us should be putting the moves on dear Minerva, 'tis me, so BACK OFF, PADFOOT!

All that being said, I...hey, you guys were just right...here? You went without me? Bloody gits.

Yours in lustful loneliness,

Moony

P.S. Oh well, at least now I can think about Minerva and have a decent wank in privacy for once.

Dear Moony, Wormtail, and Prongs:

McGonagall totally bought it, though I thought I was gonna have to make-out with her there for a second. Oh well. You can all be assured that my mouth is still cat-tongue free.

Prongs, couldn't agree with you more about the stick up Moony's arse. As if I'd want you as an option! Have you not seen Susie O'Flaherty, the super-hot Hufflepuff sixth year lately? Lemme tell ya, she can puff my huffle any time she wants! That's the only option I need.

Moony, for Merlin's sake, pull the stick out of your arse now! Peter's right, you do always give in! You will not tell Dumbledore. Besides, we hid the fire-whiskey in a secret place where you won't find it! I do not think about Snivellus when I wank. If you must know, I think about Prongs's mum. Please, me try to steal your precious Minerva? As if. Hey, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do! Also, please do not give us the details of your gory wank sessions, and for the love of God, do a full-room Scourgify when you're done!

Wormtail, do us all a favor and ask out a girl. Any girl will do, just go get some, you horny little git. Also, keep saying things about me and Prongs, and I may sic deal old McGonagall on you.

Now, pardon me, but I have some Defense Against the Dark Arts work to do.

Yours in vengeance,

Padfoot