The Ancient and Most Romantic House of Black

Pairing: Ron Weasley/Hermione Granger, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, and Draco Malfoy/Dudley Dursley (Half the people reading this just did a double take and said, "WTF?!").
Note: A friend of mine challenged me to write weird ships that hardly anyone writes because she's sure there are frustrated shippers out there who find that their ship is under-represented. So, all you Dudley/Draco shippers, I salute you. Also, if anyone has an odd ship that's rarely written that they'd like to see here, by all means, send it my way and I'll try to write you something.

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"The Ancient and Most Romantic BlackPart 3"

By Kaci JaBeth

We put Dudley down on his bed and left, magically locking the door behind us just as Ginny came up to us, looking frazzled. "There you are, Harry. Come on, let's go make some dinner while we wait for Hermione to get here."

Harry smiled and took her hand and the four of us went downstairs into the kitchen. Ginny started looking through the cabinets. "Hmm...what should we make?"

Harry looked into the pantry. "Well, there's some chicken in here. Does anyone know how to cook it?"

"I'll do it," Ron said, taking the chicken from Harry.

I cocked a brow. "You know how to cook?"

"Yeah, well...you know, Ginny and I were always mum's little helpers...while uh, Percy was studying or something and Fred and George were upstairs destroying half the house, she and I would help mum in the kitchen."

"Yeah. Hey, we should make cookies too! Just like we used to..." Ginny added.

"Yeah, shaped like..." Ron cut in.

"...garden gnomes!" they both finished together.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Uh...Weasley joke," Ginny laughed. "But seriously, let's make cookies."

"Okay."

Ron went to the stove and started doing things to the chicken. He added spices, tapped it with his wand a couple of times, and then stuck it into the oven. "It has to be basted in five minutes."

"Okay. While we're waiting for the chicken to get out of the oven, we could make the cookie dough. Come on, Harry. I'll let you help make Molly's Mushy Masterpieces!" Ginny smiled.

Harry laughed and allowed himself to be dragged to the other side of the room where Ginny started grabbing flour and other assorted ingredients.

"What should I do?" I asked.

"Well," Ron said looking around, "you could make some sort of side dish."

"What kind?"

"I dunno. Just look through the cabinets and find something."

"All right."

I started looking through the cabinets. I found a bag of potatoes, so I asked, "Is mashed potatoes all right?"

"Yeah, that sounds good," Ron said.

I took the bag of potatoes to the sink and started to peel them with a knife.

"You can do that magically," Ron said as he opened the oven door to check on the chicken.

"I know. But they taste better if you do it by hand."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Like we were telling Dudley, magic isn't the cure-all solution. It's mostly for..."

"Convenience. Right. So there's actually a difference in taste?"

"Of course!"

"I'll take your word for it then," he said, basting the chicken and adding more spice.

"How much longer will you be using the oven?" Ginny asked as she came over with a pan full of odd-shaped cookies.

"Just another minute or two. Shouldn't take long."

"Okay then. Could you pop these into the oven when you take the chicken out?"

"Sure."

She sat the tray down on the counter and returned to Harry. They stood talking for a few moments, then they left.

"They're going to snog," I said with a smirk when I noticed Ron was staring after them.

"I know. I wish they wouldn't be so damn...blatant about it, though."

"Look, things could be worse."

"How?"

"It could be someone like Goyle or Crabbe snogging your sister. At least you know you can trust Harry."

"That's true," he paused, a thoughtful look on his face. "You know, you've changed lately."

"Well, I had to, didn't I? I wouldn't have lasted five minutes in this place behaving the way I used to."

"That's true," Ron said as he checked his watch. "Well, it's six. They should be getting here soon." He pulled the chicken out of the oven. "Yeah, it's good and done."

"The wonders of wizarding technology never cease to amaze, do they?"

"Nope." He put Ginny's cookies into the oven. He stood there for a moment, biting his lip.

"Time for another firewhiskey?" I asked.

"Definitely."

I grabbed a bottle out of the cabinet and poured two glasses.

"She'll be all right, you know," I said and handed him a cup.

"I know," he said taking a swig.

I chugged down the rest of my glass and started to take out plates to set the table. "How many people will be here?"

"Well, there's the four of us, Hermione, my mum, my dad, Snape, Dumbledore, Tonks, Lupin...Moody might come, too, so set an extra place for him."

"Should I set a place for Dudley?"

"No, I don't think he'll have slept it off by dinner time."

"What about his parents?"

"Nah. Tonks told me that they haven't left their room since they got here except to go to the bathroom. She's been taking food up to them every day."

"They're odd, those Muggles, aren't they?"

"Extremely."

"Are all Muggles like that?"

"Not all of them. Hermione's parents are really nice."

"That's good."

"Yeah. They don't like me much, o' course, but she says they'll warm up to me eventually."

"I think all parents are over-protective of their daughters."

"Yeah. But they'll have to get used to me sooner or later. I mean, if we're going to be in the same family..."

"What?"

"Oh. Uh, I've been thinking about it, and I think that this Christmas, I'm going to ask Hermione to marry me after graduation."

"That's really nice, Ron."

"Yeah," he said as a blush crept to his cheeks.

"I bet those cookies are done now."

"Oh, right." He opened the oven door and pulled them out, setting them down on the table. "It'll take them awhile to cool."

"Let's go tell Ginny her cookies are done."

We walked over to the door and we could hear Ginny and Harry giggling on the other side. "Big brother coming in! Please stop whatever lewd acts you are committing, please!" Ron shouted.

The giggling stopped.

"Hang on a sec..." Ginny's voice called back.

There was a rustling noise.

"No, that's yours...here..." we heard Harry mutter. "Okay...you can come in now," Harry called.

We entered the room. Several portraits were hanging askew, there was a lamp knocked off the table, and an odd stain on the carpet. Harry and Ginny were sitting on the couch, trying their best to feign innocence.

"Hello, big brother," Ginny smirked.

"I don't even want to know." Ron closed his eyes and shook his head. "Your cookies are done. You know, the cookies we used to make with mum? Back when you were a kid and sweet and innocent?"

Ginny giggled and headed for the door. Harry smiled sheepishly at Ron and followed her. I patted Ron's shoulder reassuringly and then the two of us joined them at the table.

"Six thirty," Ron said looking at his watch again.

"She'll get here."

Ten minutes later the front door opened. Snape came in first again. Behind him was Mrs. Weasley, Tonks, and Lupin. Ron looked expectantly at his mother's face. He glanced at me, worried, then came Hermione's voice, "RON!"

She positively bounded into the room and ran over to him and pulled him into a fierce hug, nearly knocking him out of his chair. "God, Ron, I've missed you so much, I..."

She started rambling, but he cut her off by kissing her.

Mrs. Weasley stared at them, half-glaring, half-laughing.

Ginny said, "We made dinner. There should be enough."

"Oh, right," Ron said. Hermione got up off his lap and he grabbed an extra plate and some silverware. "Sit down, everyone."

Molly beamed at him as everyone took a seat. Ron set the chicken and the mashed potatoes down in the middle of the table. "And we made Molly's Mushy Masterpieces for desert," he added. Molly beamed even bigger.

Ron took his seat next to Hermione and everyone began to serve themselves. Ron cut himself and Hermione some of the chicken and spooned them both out some mashed potatoes. He picked up his spoon and tried the potatoes, then turned to smile at me. "You were right. They do taste better."

"Huh?" Harry asked.

"I took a page out of your family's book and prepared those the Muggle way. Like we were saying earlier, magic is more of a convenience than anything else."

"Yeah, I think I know what you mean," he said and took a bite of the potatoes himself. He smiled and gave me the thumbs up. Molly beamed again.

"Where's your cousin, Harry?" Mrs. Weasley asked.

"Oh, he's upstairs hiding from us magic folk," Harry lied.

Everyone but Snape laughed. He just shot us all a withering look and took another bite of his chicken.

After we'd all finished, Ginny started passing out the cookies. Now that I looked at them closely, they were shaped like garden gnomes. I tasted one, and was pleasantly surprised. From the outside it looked a bit disgusting and I had been reluctant to try it, but it actually tasted quite good.

After that, everyone started drifting off their separate ways. Snape left, Lupin headed off for the drawing room, Ron and Hermione went up to his room, Harry and Ginny went to hers...everyone was leaving. I stayed until everyone else had gone, then poured myself another glass of firewhiskey. When I went upstairs, I passed Ron's room and heard him gushing, "God, Hermione. I've missed you so much." I chuckled as I passed Ginny's room and heard her proudly giving Harry a rousing rendition of "Harry is my King."

I got to my room and unlocked the door. Dudley was sitting quite still on his bed, staring into the dark.

"How are you feeling?"

He stood, wobbling slightly. "Oh, I'm just lovely."

"I can see that. Are you hungry? I can go bring you up some food."

"No. I feel like I'm going to throw up already."

"Yeah, liquor will do that to you."

He crossed the room, stumbling several times. "Do you have any pajash...parlmas...PJs I can wear?"

I fought the urge to laugh at his drunken state (since it was partly my fault) and pulled out two pairs of pajamas. I waved my wand at one of them. "Here," I said, handing them to him. "I'm going to go take a shower and get changed into these. Will you be all right?"

"Not really, but go ahead."

I left the room and sealed the door again, heading to the bathroom to take a shower. The house seemed deadly quiet, which was odd, but I ignored it and walked through the portrait into the bathroom. I put a sealing spell on it so that no one could come in and took off my clothes, turned the water on and got in. When the water first hit me, it was really cold, and I shivered. It warmed up after a moment, though. I grabbed a bottle of shampoo and started to wash my hair. The lather ran down my face, so I closed my eyes. I rinsed the suds out and grabbed the soap. I let the water trickle down my back as I washed. After I was done, I stood there under the water for a moment longer. It felt really good. I realized that other people were probably waiting to use the bathroom, so I sighed and turned the faucet off, jumped out, and grabbed my towel. I dried off, pulled my pajamas on, and unsealed the door.

I walked down the hall and unlocked the door to my room. I walked in and saw Dudley lying on his back, staring at the ceiling, wearing the pajamas I'd given him. He didn't seem to be quite so drunk anymore, so I asked, "Would you like to talk about something?"

"Um, no, not really," he glanced at me. "I'm just bored."

"We could play a game. Do you like chess?"

"Chess is a girlie game."

"Not Wizard's Chess."

"What's the difference?"

"You'll see. I'm going to go find a set, you stay here."

"Okay."

I left the room, but this time I didn't lock the door, figuring he wouldn't do anything stupid. I went down the hall to Ron's room. It was deadly quiet. I knocked on the door and heard a frustrated groan. Ron came to the door and opened it only enough to stick his head out.

"Oh, it's you. Can I help you?"

"Yeah, do you have your chess set here? I thought I would play it with Dudley."

"Yeah, hang on," he said in an angry voice. The door shut again and I heard his trunk slam shut. He stuck his arm back though the door to hand me the set and said, "There. Bye," and slammed the door shut again. I had an odd feeling about why he was being so short with me, so I just chuckled and went back to my room. Dudley was sitting on his bed waiting for me when I came in.

"Here we are," I said and pulled one of the bedside tables between our beds and set the chess set down. I set the game up, then sat down and looked at him.

"What's so different about this?"

"Well, just watch." I studied the board for a moment. "Pawn to C-4."

"Well, move it, then," Dudley began, but then gasped as the piece moved itself.

"Your turn," I smirked.

"So I just tell it where to go, and it moves itself?"

"Well, it should...I don't know if it'll work for you. It might not, since you're a Muggle, so you might have to move them yourself. Give it a try."

"Uh, okay then...Pawn to uh...H uh, 5."

To both of our surprise, the piece moved.

"Huh, that's interesting. The magic must be in the pieces themselves. Well, anyway, see, that's how it works."

"I still don't see how this is supposed to be non-girlie."

"Well, watch. Pawn to G-4," I said and moved my piece forward diagonal from his pawn. "Now, you take it."

Dudley moved his hand to take the piece.

"No, say it."

"All right. Pawn to G-4."

His pawn tackled mine to the ground and punched it in the face a few times. My pawn disappeared off the board then reappeared next to Dudley a few moments later.

"Woah!" he said, surprised.

"Barbaric, isn't it?"

"Yes!"

"Still think chess is girlie?"

Dudley shook his head, "No."

We continued to play for awhile. I could tell I was going to win this easily, so I took pity on him and held back some of my better moves.

"Checkmate," I said and Dudley's king knelt before my castle.

"Congratulations," Dudley said and smiled.

"Thanks," I said and put the game back into its box. I stood and moved the table back where it belonged. I bent over to look out the window. The moon was waning now. I stood up and turned around. Dudley was staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"It's just..." he shook his head. "Nothing."

"No, what?"

"Nothing!"

I pulled out my wand. "WHAT WERE YOU STARING AT?"

"Okay, okay. I'll tell you just put that thing away!"

I backed away and put my wand back in my pocket. Dudley sat down on his bed and started to wring his hands. "It's just..."

"What?"

"You...you're...pretty uh..."

"Pretty what?"

"Pretty uh..."

"Pretty good at Chess?"

"No."

"Pretty scary?"

"No."

"What, then?"

"Pretty hot."

I stared at him blankly. "What?"

"Pretty hot."

"As in...attractive?"

"Yes." Dudley looked out the window.

"Uh..."

"I'm sorry."

"Well, uh...so you're...gay then?"

"Well, no...I mean, I don't know," he sighed.

"Either you are or you aren't; it's not that hard to figure out!"

"Well, it's just...I didn't think I was. I mean, I kissed my friend Piers once, but that was when we were fourteen, and I didn't like it. And I haven't really looked at any other guys before or anything, it's just...when you were standing there, you looked so..."

I looked at him. He looked ready to cry.

"Hey, don't cry, I mean..."

"I can't help it."

"No, you can't." He understood that I didn't just mean the crying.

"Maybe we should just go to bed."

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

I got in bed and snuggled down into the covers. Dudley kept sitting there on the edge of his bed. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

I was falling. I landed hard in a room. There was a bed. Dudley and I were on it. He was kissing me. I started to push him away, but even as I watched myself, I started kissing him back. He started to tug at my pajamas...

I gasped and sat up. I was sweating and breathing hard. I looked over at Dudley. He was snoring. I got up and crossed the room and sat down on the edge of his bed, shaking him gently.

"Dudley...Dudley...wake up."

"What?" he sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Um, I just...sorta had a dream about you."

"Oh?" he said, raising a brow.

"Yeah, and we were...doing stuff. And...I just have to know what it means. So just kiss me. That way I'll know."

"Are you sure?"

"Dudley, just do it."

Dudley leaned over and kissed me softly. I'd been kissed before, but it was nothing like this. He pulled away and looked at me.

"Well?" he asked.

"I think...I think it meant something."

"I know," he whispered.

He leaned in and kissed me again. I pulled down the covers and climbed into bed with him. He kept kissing me, and I kept letting him. I honestly don't quite know what it was that made me let him. I've usually been good at fighting weird urges for the good of my reputation, but this time I couldn't. So I let the lump of a boy keep kissing me.

That night, I drifted off into a happy sleep, still in Dudley's arms.