The Dating Disasters of Sirius Black

Part 8: Scarlett Artemis, and something bad

Late June, hospital wing.

Remus was surprised at how quickly his life got back to normal. Professor McGonagall kept casting concerned looks in his direction, but apart from that it was as if nothing had ever happened. He found it rather annoying.

The OWLs had helped a lot; Remus and Peter had needed to revise, and James and Sirius needed to loaf around scoffing at those who were bothering to revise.

The only real difference was Sirius, who had sulked for a week, then promptly began acting towards Remus and James in the same way he always had.

Almost the same way.

Of course he never snuck into Remus' bed anymore, and never shared his secrets, and never again would anything be hidden from James. And Sirius had stopped treating Remus as his equal, had returned to his arrogant selfish self, who had no time for the ideas and opinions of anyone but James.

Oh, fuck; Remus knew he was starting to go mad, but it wasn't fair, was it? Because yet again he'd done nothing wrong but he was the one being punished.

It was enough to make you start bashing your head against a wall, or it would have been if Remus' head didn't hurt far too much already.

Things had been easier in some ways; for instance Remus had found it very easy to forget the terrifying parts of what had happened on James' birthday. Looking back it just seemed so surreal, and now that it was never mentioned it was easy to pretend it had never happened. I mean, really, Remus told himself, fair enough that Sirius fancies blokes, but to fancy him; that was just silly. When Sirius could have almost any girl he wanted and quite likely a larger percentage of the boys than would normally swing that way, it would be ridiculous for him to fancy Remus. Remus thought that it was quite possible that Sirius had just decided it was a good idea whilst drunk that night.

And it was just typical that the whole thing was clearly causing Remus more problems than it had caused Sirius. Sirius had had four different girlfriends in the last three weeks! And possibly a boy or two as well, though it probably wasn't something he'd advertise, and there'd be no other way for Remus to find out because Sirius was avoiding him like the plague.

I feel like I have the plague, Remus thought.

And the problems it was causing him! For a start there was the feeling all weird and creeped-out; he'd never been able to believe that any girl would fancy him, so boys just seemed daft. Then there was the guilt, which was mainly James' fault; despite his actions that night, James had quickly sided with his best friend, the two of them carrying on as normal and leaving Remus out as much as was humanly possible. Then there was the worst part, which was losing his friend, not being allowed to be close to him at all.

Oh, shut up, you miserable whining little werewolf! yelled that part of his brain that didn't like him very much. Remus had a feeling it held the majority.

And the other worst part, which was the fact that yet again stuck in the hospital wing after a full moon -a particularly bad one during which he scratched himself to pieces and Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs did not put in an appearance--he was wide awake, still in agony and forcing himself to run the whole ludicrous situation over and over in his head.

Bollocks!

He frowned deeply. 'Oh, shut up!' he told his brain crossly.

'What?' hissed a pathetic little voice, making him jump a mile.

'James?'

'No...'

'What the hell are you doing here? And why the cloak? Doesn't usually bother you. And-' he stopped abruptly.

'And what?'

What Remus had been about to say was 'and why aren't you sitting on my knees, spouting complete nonsense non-stop, and adding to my agony in general?' but of course it was obvious why he wasn't doing that.

And sod being nice to the bastard because Remus was sure it was entirely Sirius' fault, and the very least he should be allowed was the luxury of making him pay. 'So where were you last night? Have a date did you?'

There was a long pause and still no sign of him removing the cloak. 'No, well yes, but not exactly. I did a bad thing.'

'You did a bad thing?'

'...yep.'

'Another one to add to the seemingly infinite list of bad things that the devil himself can only wonder at?'

'A really bad thing.'

'On a scale of one to ten? No, wait. Is it worse than the time you kissed that girl Peter liked?'

'Yes.'

'Worse than giving the whole of Slytherin House food poisoning?'

'Yes--'

'Worse than punching one of your best friends in the face and breaking his foot?' Remus thought that Sirius should have realised how bad a mood he was in by now and just buggered off.

'Yes. I think on a scale of one to ten, about a nine-and-a-half...'

'I-- Are you serious?'

'Yes.'

Remus frowned harder. 'Take the damn cloak off would you.'

He regretted suggesting that the minute Sirius obeyed him. Remus hadn't thought it would ever be possible for Sirius to look worse than Remus did, especially post-full-moon, but there he was, like death warmed up.

Remus knew he himself was in a pretty bad state, covered in partly-healed scratches and bite-marks, bruised all over and his bones only half fixed, but Sirius...

'I tried to kill Snape,' he whispered, eyes half closed.

'Tell me you're joking.' Suddenly his heart was pounding with nerves.

'...No.'

'How? How the hell did you do that? What possessed you to try? Did you do it on purpose? Is he okay?' Remus suddenly felt ashamed that his worry for Snape's health had been the fifth thing he'd thought to ask.

'He's fine, I suppose.'

'What were you doing? Practising some new hex? That was why you weren't there last night, wasn't it? You were planning something, or you'd already been caught...'

'I didn't plan it. Look he's a fucking wanker, he deserved--'

'No one deserves to die young, Sirius. There are some things no-one deserves. You didn't actually nearly kill him?'

'Yes, but... Oh, I hate him so much.'

'So Snape is alive--'

'Yes.'

'--and you haven't been expelled?'

'No.'

'But there are detentions and other punishments as far as the eye can see?'

'Yes. Remus this isn't funny.'

'I know it isn't!'

'What is--' Madame Pomfrey burst in, '--oh. I'll leave you two...' She trailed off and disappeared.

Remus turned back to Sirius, suddenly feeling twice as scared as he had before. 'What's going on?' Normally Sirius would have been thrown out of the hospital wing on his ear at that point.

'I didn't mean to--'

'No. Just tell me what happened, from the beginning.'

Sirius took a deep, desperately shaky breath. Remus couldn't help but be a little pleased; at least Sirius was looking him in the eye now, more than he or James had managed for weeks. 'Well, obviously we were going to be out with you last night, but I had someone to meet first.'

'Who?'

'Scarlett.'

'What?'

'Well we kind of have this thing...'

Remus couldn't believe this. He was hopelessly angry; just when his life could not have got any more surreal, here he was, listening to Sirius' stupid girlfriend problems again, as if 'I tried to kill Snape' was just by-the-by. 'Shut it,' he butted in, 'I don't want the irrelevant bits. Less shagging, more confessing.' He didn't even have time to ponder over the fact that Sirius was having a fling with the best-looking girl in school, who just happened to be two years older than him. Or at least not much time.

Sirius made a strange whining noise. 'Well I was taking her to that secret room, King Humbletrump's one.'

'Why?'

'Well, you know, we were going to--'

'Yes, not that, why take her there?'

'It's good, the king tells no tales.'

'Right.'

'So we got there and Snape was already there, with his girlfriend.'

Remus raised his eyebrows, causing unimaginable amounts of pain even from just that slight movement, surprised that Ellie would have taken Snape there.

'So really it was all your fault for showing it to her.'

Remus' temper flared even higher. 'I'm sorry, what is your problem? Are you all penitent and remorseful, or are you just pissed off that you didn't manage to finish the job?'

Sirius looked down at his hands and continued hurriedly. 'Well Snape was obviously jealous that I was with the luscious Scarlett, while his girlfriend looks like a disfigured Hippogriff, so he had to make some comment, and I couldn't let him show me up so I had to suggest that Elvira had only brought him there so she could pretend he was you.'

'I see.' Remus said calmly, but he could feel the slight hint of danger in his tone.

'And then he got raging mad because she obviously hadn't mentioned how she knew about the place, so he went and suggested that I was doing the same thing, like I'm some sort of shirtlifter--'

'You really should stop using words like that.'

'Anyway so neither of us wanted to continue the argument in front of the girls, so I dragged him out and along the corridor.'

'I see.' There was a pause. 'I'm sorry, did you just give him your evil death-stare and he nearly died on the spot?'

'No...'

'Then I assume there's more?'

'Stop interrupting!'

'I'm not! You keep pausing for inordinate lengths of time! Tell me what you did, and tell me now!'

'I told Snape where you were and how to get the Willow to stop thrashing and James had to go and stop him.'

The pause this time was long and deathly. Remus didn't know what to think or say, and fell back on what was usually Sirius' tried and tested method for what to do in such a situation. Shouting. 'Why the fuck would you do that?' he yelled.

'He was being all nosy again, like about you and the rest of us and--'

'So you thought being torn to pieces by a werewolf was a suitable punishment?'

'Nyuh--'

'That isn't a word.'

'I--'

'And what if I just bit him instead of killing him? What if we had to spend every full moon with him?'

'I didn't think of--'

'So he knows what I am?'

'Yes, but--'

'And why the hell did James have to stop him? What were you doing? Shagging Scarlett?'

'No. She's in a mood with me.'

'Oh well I suppose that serves you right!' Remus was thankful that, whatever the situation, it seemed his sarcasm never failed him. He sighed and folded his arms. Somehow he felt on safer ground now; this was just another stupid, thoughtless, selfish thing that Sirius had done, therefore it was something that was easy to deal with. 'Oh, get out. I'm sick of the sight of you.'

'I... I didn't mean to hurt you.'

'No, you meant to hurt him. Kill him, actually. How aren't you expelled?'

'I don't know.' Sirius looked truly puzzled. 'Dumbledore just looked at me and asked why I did it, and I just said that I didn't know. I don't know what James told him. But Dumbledore knows what Snape's like.'

'And he knows what you're like.'

'Yes.'

'Well I hope you feel better now.'

'Better?'

'Yes. You got your own back on Snape, and you got your own back on me--'

'No! Remus, no, I wasn't--'

'The subconscious is a strange thing, isn't it?'

'I swear--'

'Oh, shut up, and get out. Much as this takes my mind off the physical pain, it isn't any more enjoyable. And at least I know now why I'm particularly bad this month.' Remus didn't mean to sound bitter but now he couldn't help it.

'But--'

'Poppy!'

'Yes dear?' The woman had clearly been listening Remus thought with some embarrassment.

'Could I have a sleeping potion?'

'Yes dear.'

Remus knew things were really bad then; she normally didn't like to give them to him, and normally there was at least a small disagreement about it.

'Come on Mr Black, you can stop bothering my patient now.'

'But--'

Madame Pomfrey dragged him out, then bustled back in carrying a steaming goblet. Remus downed the potion that was handed to him and lay back.

#

'So how are we going to do this?'

It scared Remus sometimes how mature James could actually be. He'd got back to their dormitory the next day to find James sitting on his bed, cross-legged and arms folded, wanting to have a real conversation about all this. 'James, I'm tired, could I just--'

'Remus, we have to discuss this.' In the bright false-light of their room Remus could see that Sirius wasn't just tired-looking, he actually had two black eyes. Presumably James had resorted to his usual method of punishment again.

'Fine, so discuss it.'

'Well I thought you'd want to be involved. Padfoot is beginning to understand why he should not have done what he did, but is there anything you want to add?'

Remus glanced to where Sirius was slumped against his pillows, eyes meeting no-one's. 'I think I said all I needed to in the Hospital wing.'

'Oh?'

'Yes,' Remus told James, unwilling to share the thought.

'But--' began Sirius.

'But what?' Remus asked bluntly.

'It wasn't because of--'

'Look, lets just call it quits, yes? I'm stupid and too trusting, and you're selfish and an idiot. We're supposed to be friends, and friends are supposed to forgive each others faults, aren't they? Now I want a nice lie down, and I don't want any of you in the room while I do it.'

Peter and Sirius stood up without question.

'But don't you want me to--'

'Don't you dare hit him again James, if anyone else hits him it'll be me.'

'Okay.'

Remus closed his bed-curtains and muffled his face with his pillow. He quite wanted to scream. He didn't really care what had happened, any of it. Didn't care that Sirius had fancied him, or that he'd practically told Snape he was a werewolf, he just wanted it to be over. If things could have just gone back to normal he would be so relieved.

In a way he was actually pleased that Sirius had done this, because it was something that Remus couldn't be blamed for, was so obviously all Sirius' fault, whatever reason he'd had for doing it. In fact he was pleased; this was a good thing. Sirius could forget whatever imagined injuries that Remus had done to him, in return for Remus' forgiveness for this. It was almost perfect. In the time between James' birthday and this happening, Remus realised that he'd been waiting for something to happen, that something had had to break, and really it was such a relief that it finally had.

He didn't have time to think about what Snape must be making of it; Snape had still hated him, even after the business with Ellie, so it hardly mattered if Snape hated him for being a werewolf, or he just continued to hate him for the usual reasons. He did hope that Ellie wouldn't hate him though, but he doubted Snape would dare tell her.

Remus resolved to talk to Sirius about it all sometime soon, coax an agreement out of him that everything could be normal again, but in the meantime he was going to have that sleep.

#

It was nearly one when Sirius got back from his latest detention and Remus still hadn't got to sleep. He wanted to ask how his friend was, how the detention had gone, but he wasn't sure if he was allowed.

Remus had spent most of the evening alone and psyching himself up for a serious talk with him. With James and Peter passed out drunk, he'd never get a better chance. But Sirius had been missing all evening, in detention and avoiding James, and he'd decided to give up and finally try and get some sleep.

Sirius was undressing loudly; throwing his clothes about and making huffing noises. Remus could hear him clearly even through his bed-curtains. He obviously wanted to talk to someone...

'How'd the date go?' Okay that might not have been the best thing to say.

'Awful! Worst date I've ever been on, and that's saying something.'

'I know.' Remus leaned his head out through a gap in the curtains. 'So how many more detentions did you get?'

Sirius pouted down at him. 'I didn't necessarily-'

'How many?'

'Just the one. And possibly one more in a couple of weeks time, if that potion I poured in Snivellus' ear actually does make his skin slowly dry up and fall off in lumps. Though I don't know how they're going to tell, he has so much dandruff, so they'll probably just give me detention anyway, which is so unfair. Punished by Snivellus' dandruff!' Remus felt his whole body relax; this was the Sirius he knew and loved.

'I really thought Professor Forge knew better than to leave the two of you alone in the potions cupboard. Unless he wanted Snape to poison you.'

'Yeah! I lost count of the times Snape tried to poison me. I gave up touching anything after a while. Snape seemed to think I deserved to be poisoned...?'

The question hung in the air. Remus let it hang, wanting to reassure his friend, but not able to find the words.

'So you don't want me dead then?' Sirius ventured.

'Nah.'

Sirius actually looked relieved, then turned away to pull on his nightshirt. 'And did you mean it about things going back to normal?' he mumbled while the shirt still covered his face.

'Yeah.'

'Right. Okay.'

Remus fumbled through his mind for some sort of conversation topic that would be normal. 'So you didn't finish telling me about the detentions; you've already got enough to last for most of sixth year. So what is the other extra detention for?' That wasn't too clumsily done, he told himself.

'Leaving Professor Forge's potions supplies in a bigger mess than before we started tidying.'

'Oh dear. And did you steal anything good?'

'You know me far too well Moony.' Sirius smiled and sat on the edge of Remus' bed, a friendly gesture that Remus had sorely missed.

'True.' Remus dragged in a deep, shaky breath, knowing he'd have to make the first move because the balance of power still leaned towards him. 'Coming in?'

Sirius hesitated. A long nervous sort of hesitation that seemed to last eternities. 'Oh, go on then.'

He clambered under the covers, though kept his distance. They both lay there awkwardly.

'Oh, come here,' moaned Remus, and Sirius jumped him, clutching him close and nuzzling his neck.

Remus knew it was silly, but he felt so much better.

'This is my favourite smell in the world, the smell of you, mmm.' Sirius nuzzled him harder.

'Freak,' muttered Remus, secretly pleased. 'You smell like the potions classroom.'

'I'm sorry, I should--' he tried to pull away.

'Don't be stupid, I like it. I'm used to you and James smelling like evil experiments gone wrong; it's comforting. If you were clean it would just be weird.'

'Really?' Sirius asked eagerly.

'Yes.'

'I've missed this.'

'Honestly? You didn't just used to get in with me because... you know.'

'No... I don't know. What does it matter?'

'Yeah. I suppose it doesn't.'

'This is really girly, isn't it?' Sirius asked him, lying snuggled up in Remus' arms.

'That doesn't matter either.'

'No.'

Remus couldn't help but smile at his friend, all contented and cuddled into his bed. 'I was... I wanted to have a talk with you.'

'What? About the Snape thing, or... the other thing?'

'A bit of both.'

'Oh, no, Moony. Not now. Not while I'm all happy.'

'But... are things back to normal now? If I forgive you and you forgive me...'

'What do I have to forgive you for?'

'I'm not sure, just being stupid and stuff...'

'It doesn't matter anyway, you're still my second best-friend.'

'Really?' Remus whispered.

'Yeah.'

Remus gave in and stopped worrying, his fingers buried in thick dark hair and hot breath on his neck making nothing else seem to matter at all.

#

That Sunday Remus was pretending to be absorbed in his book; lying calmly on his front and flicking idly through the pages, but was actually waiting tensely for Sirius. He knew that it was quite possible that he wouldn't come, but they had agreed that everything would go back to normal, and normal to them was spending Sunday afternoons chatting about random things. And he knew that Sirius' detention should nearly be over.

'Afternoon, Moony.'

Remus tried to sound calm and nonchalant. 'Hey. Nice date was it?'

'Urgh! It was the pits. Me and McGonagall and ten first-years who couldn't transfigure an ice cube into water given twenty minutes and a warm classroom. Ridiculous!'

'She let you loose on first years?'

'I know, what was she thinking? I tried to point out to her how remiss she was being in not seeing how tragic it could be to let me corrupt their fragile young minds, but she just thought I was trying to get out of it.' To Remus' intense pleasure Sirius lay down next to him on his bed and rested his cheek into the small of his back.

'Will she never learn?'

'I know! But I did get to eavesdrop on her and Dumbledore talking about me.'

'Oh?' Remus found he was having difficulty in concentrating on his book. The fact that he'd been denied this closeness to his friend so long made it far too enjoyable to be distracted from it by a mere novel.

'Of course they thought I was busy with the brats, but I just told them to keep the noise down while I went to listen.'

'Padfoot!'

'Well did they really think I wouldn't? If they didn't want me to overhear then they should have gone further than the supplies cupboard. Practically in the same room! And of course I had to check they weren't snogging in there.'

'Yuck. Really.'

One of Sirius' hands had started stoking down his side to his hip. He sighed deeply but didn't say anything. He always does this, thought Remus, then was ludicrously pleased at yet another signal of normality.

'Sirius!'

'What?'

'So what were they saying?'

'Ha! Knew you were dying to know. Old Albus was asking her how I was taking my punishment and she said that I was acting just as flippantly as usual and that she had hoped I would show some remorse or humility or something. He said that he'd noticed she hadn't punished Potter for blacking my eyes and she had the nerve to say that sometimes she thought James had the right idea!'

Remus sniggered. 'Well someone had to do it, and he knew I wouldn't.'

'Thanks Moony. And Dumbledore didn't even tell her off for saying it! Wicked man, not fit to be Headmaster.'

'Yes he is.'

'Okay, maybe. Y'know, for someone so bony your spine is surprisingly comfortable.'

'Anyway.'

'Right. And then he asked what you were doing about it all and she got all huffy because you didn't seem to be annoyed enough. And I think she's right, Moony, I don't think you should be being this nice to me.'

'I'm just so pleased that everything's normal again. There was no damage done in the end so it doesn't matter.'

'But I'm such a bastard.'

Remus laughed at how serious he sounded. 'I know you are. But I forgive you.'

'Thanks.'

'What the hell are you doing?' yelled James, causing them both to turn round.

'I'm trying to read and Padfoot is telling me all about how boring his detention was.'

'Is he now?'

'Yes.' Remus frowned at the expression on James' face. 'Look James, I don't know what you want from me, but I'm not going to hit him.'

'You don't think I should have hit him either?'

'Don't worry Prongs, he agrees with that,' muttered Sirius.

'How about you and I go for a fly, Padfoot?' James hissed back.

'Okay,' replied Sirius sulkily.

Remus turned back to his book so neither of them saw how disappointed he was, not to able to spend more time with Sirius. It clearly wasn't fair; James had only just finished his Quidditch practice and already he was stealing Sirius away.

#

'Remus, a word, now.'

Remus was annoyed to find himself dragged up to the dormitory when he'd been quite happy lazing in the common room. He was enjoying the fact that with exams over they really did have nothing much to do with themselves. He and Sirius and Peter had found a couple of copies of Macbeth in the school library and had been acting it out with plenty of over dramatics, much to the amusement of the other occupants of the common room. And James had spoiled the best part; just as Sirius had finished stabbing Peter to death and was washing the blood from his hands. Sirius had absolutely insisted that he had to play all the female parts, well, all two of them, leaving Peter and Remus to do everything else.

'What?' Remus barked at James.

'What do you think, the way you're carrying on!'

'I am allowed to forgive him James, and I'm most certainly allowed to be friends with him.'

'Yes! Yes, you are. But you aren't allowed to lead him on!'

'I'm not allowed to what?'

'You know what I mean! I know he's been sleeping in your bed again and he was lying on you on Sunday, then here you are, brazenly letting him touch you!'

'So? You're allowed to wrestle with him!'

'He doesn't fancy me!'

'Oh James, this is bollocks, and what the hell were we doing wrong then?'

'You were groping each other!'

'The whole common room is watching! We're acting out a serious Shakespeare play in a melodramatic and amusing manner! How is that inappropriate?'

'You had your arms around him!'

'He was playing my wife!'

'Remus, you can't do this. He fancies you and you're making it worse.'

'So, what, I can't talk to him, or have fun with him?'

'You're making it worse, Moony, you're going to hurt him.'

'I won't. Come on, it's Sirius for Christ's sake!'

James grabbed him suddenly by the shoulders. 'So you think he doesn't have feelings?'

Remus was completely thrown by the serious look James was giving him. 'But--'

'You'll make him think he's got a chance.'

'He knows he doesn't, we said, we said that everything's going back to normal.'

'Remus, you can't go back to normal. Normal was wrong, you see, with the two of you. He wants different things to what you want, yes? You want to be close mates and wants to--' James' face contorted strangely; either he was trying to think of how to say it without details, or he was trying to banish the mental images.

Remus stepped away. 'I think you're taking this a bit too seriously. Sirius never takes relationships seriously. He changes partners every week, every day sometimes; I doubt very much he even gives me a second thought anymore.'

'Do you know that for sure, or is that just wishful thinking?'

'Do you know for sure?'

'No, but. Look. Sirius dates a lot of people, yes, but he's never fancied anyone he actually liked before, y'know?'

Remus stared back blankly.

'You're a really close mate, right? Therefore it's quite likely he's fancied you for longer than you knew about it and that it's different from the way he fancies other people.'

'And have you asked him about this?'

'No!'

'Well then.'

'But you can understand what I mean?'

'I suppose.'

'Because he likes spending time with you, he gets on with you, and stuff, as well as wanting to... kiss you or... whatnot.' James's features took on that strange haunted expression again.

'Right.'

'So are you going to try? Try and be a bit more sensitive?'

Oh god, thought Remus, it's come to this. James is telling me to be more sensitive, what is the world coming to? And what is the world coming to when you aren't allowed to touch your friend on the arm or hug them? When you aren't allowed to have them put their head in your lap, or lie on you, or sleep in the same bed as them? Actually thinking about it, that did sound weird... 'Okay, I'll try.'

'Thanks.' James gave him a hearty slap on the back and trotted off.

Remus sighed, sat down on his bed and put his head in his hands. He didn't want to do this, didn't want to have to.

So it's not fair, his brain spat at him, so what? What are you going to do about it?

Sit here and mope, he thought, that's exactly what I'm going to do.

#

Remus really tried for the next couple of days. He had tried, he swore to himself. But Sirius was sulking like a lost puppy, sometimes literally, and it made it so much more difficult. And it didn't seem half so bad if it was just Padfoot sleeping in his bed. So, really, he hadn't been trying as hard as he could have, simply because he hadn't wanted to.

And today, what with the stifling heat, it was perfectly natural for Remus to suggest they go inside and curl up in the dormitory with plenty of cooling charms and a bucket of crushed ice.

'Ohhh, thank fuck.' Sirius blasted cold air into his own face, unbuttoning the top of his shirt.

'What on earth are you wearing a long-sleeved shirt for?' Remus asked, angling his own wand down the back of his t-shirt.

'First thing I found that didn't smell too bad.'

'Disgusting, can't even keep clean when there's House Elves to do it for you!'

'You can talk, you scruffy bastard; your bloody bed is covered in dog hair!'

'Oh very droll.'

'Shut the curtains; keep the cold in.'

'Yeah.'

'It's silly, isn't it? When it's cold you want hot, and vice versa. What I wouldn't do for snow right now!'

'Yeah.'

'If only it were possible to be naked and not touching anything. I can't understand how Prongs can be bothered to chase Evans right now, what would he even do if she said yes? Urgh, her skin would be all hot.'

'Exactly. Silly boy.'

'It was her, wasn't it?'

'Eh?'

'You kissed Evans, didn't you? I've been trying to work it out for ages and it makes sense.'

Remus bit his lip and looked away. 'She kissed me. Are you going to tell him?' Like James doesn't hate me enough right now, he thought.

'No. Why would I?'

'I don't know, maybe because he's your best friend?'

'I won't tell him Moony.' And with that Sirius blasted cold air in his face.

'Argh!' Remus gasped in surprise before settling and enjoying the coolness. 'Oh that's good. So you won't tell him?'

Sirius was watching him carefully, presumably trying to discern his true feelings. 'You don't fancy her anymore, you said you didn't.'

'Of course I don't. I mean, I fancied her a bit in third year, and fourth maybe, but I still didn't do anything because James has always been after her.'

'Right. Good.'

'Give me that!' Remus grabbed Sirius' wand so he could have cold air running down the back and the front of his t-shirt.

'Hey!' yelped Sirius.

'Werewolves need to keep cool.'

'That is bollocks. Fuck, and Padfoot is just not anywhere to be found right now, he doesn't want to know when it's this hot, I think I literally can't transform because I can't bear the idea of having fur in this weather. Though earlier I had to suppress the urge to change, then plunge into the lake. Fuck, I really really wanted to.' Sirius fidgeted some more with his shirt collar, then gave in and undid some more buttons.

'Padfoot! If you get naked Prongs is going to remove my testicles. Or yours.'

'I'm bloody sick of James interfering. Can't I just take my shirt off?'

'If you go outside and do it.'

'Oh, I hate my life.'

'You pissed off about having to go home?'

'Yes, the fucking wankers! I'll have to escape to Prongs' as soon as possible. You know we could go for a swim. Ooh, we could go skinny dipping?'

Remus noticed the abrupt change of subject. 'With half the school out there under the trees, don't think so.'

'You think I'd get expelled for that?'

'Don't know, wouldn't mind seeing the look on McGonagall's face.'

Sirius grinned. 'Is that a dare?'

'No, I know perfectly well how capable you would be of doing just that.'

'We could go skinny dipping tonight?'

'Not if you still want to have testicles in the morning.'

'Yes,' he sighed, 'it's such a pity I'm so fond of them.' He cupped himself lovingly, before turning onto his stomach, the thought of losing such an integral part of his body obviously making him nervous. 'Could you shove some ice down my back?'

Remus grabbed a handful and shoved his arm up Sirius' shirt.

'Oh, heaven...' breathed Sirius. He closed his eyes like he was starting to drift off.

Remus took some ice for himself and experimented with the best places to put it to get a good cooling effect without actual pain. He discovered the best thing to do was rub the crushed ice around his neck, then let it slide meltingly down his spine or chest. He sighed with relief, closing his eyes and pressing his now-cold hands to his face. Remus hated weather like this, and normally it never got this bad in June.

When he opened his eyes Sirius was staring at him. Remus felt a startlingly intense shock of nerves pierce his stomach. 'Sorry Moony,' Sirius mumbled, closing his eyes.

What if James was right? What if Sirius did still want him?

Remus was dizzy and confused, trying to work out how and why, whilst watching his friend drift off to sleep. He couldn't really, could he?

So why would he be watching you rub yourself with ice then? asked that nasty voice at the back of Remus' mind. He gazed down at Sirius, who was breathing steadily now. But we're friends again now, he told himself, just like before, though he wondered if Sirius was ever this way with James.

Remus felt a wave of pity and affection come over him; Sirius looked so innocent while sleeping, eyelashes fluttering a little. He didn't really know what it felt like to fancy someone a lot and not have them return your feelings, but he did know what it felt like to want something really badly and not be able to have it, because all he wanted was to have his friendship with Sirius the way it used to be. The way it should be; laughing and joking, and able to act whatever way they wanted in front of each other and not feel nervous or worried or inappropriate.

If he was making Sirius feel like that, then it really wasn't fair, was it?

What if James was right?

In a feeble attempt to make things better, Remus took another handful of ice and rested it against Sirius' neck, hoping to be of some comfort. Sirius moaned a little and wriggled in his sleep.

Sirius was so beautiful, he thought absent-mindedly, it didn't seem fair at all. He let the ice slide, half-melted, down his friend's spine to pool in the hollow at the base. Sirius sighed and rolled over, unconsciously wanting the same relief on his front. Remus smoothed more ice to his collar-bone, where his shirt was open and hanging off his shoulder, bared skin glistening with sweat. He trickled some more rapidly melting ice onto his friend's exposed stomach, pretending even to himself that he hadn't noticed what was clearly going on beneath Sirius' low-slung trousers. Sirius moaned again contentedly and Remus gazed fondly down at him, reaching up to press a cold hand to his forehead.

And this wasn't fair, Remus wanted to be able to do this without feeling guilty and without feeling like it was weird, because it shouldn't be and now it was.

'Padfoot!' James yelled as the door opened.

The bed-curtains were swiped aside quickly and Remus could do nothing but look expressionlessly back at James, easily registering the fury on his friend's face. 'Ice?' he offered.

Remus looked James right in the eyes, not even bothering to look back at Sirius to check how bad this looked, because he already knew. Both lying on his bed, mainly dressed, skin shimmering with perspiration and melted ice. No doubt Sirius was slowly waking up, that look of confused innocence on his face.

Remus sighed and stood up, in front of James, arms at his sides, legs slightly apart.

'Do your worst.'

#

Peter wasn't terribly good at Healing Charms and Remus had been running a bit low on his covert stash of potions since the last full moon, so they were both trying to look inconspicuous as they shuffled in for dinner.

And Remus was pretty sure his nose wasn't broken.

'Lupin!' shrieked McGonagall.

'Damn,' said Peter.

'Don't worry, I already caught Potter and Black. Screaming at each other outside my classroom, would you believe, pity I couldn't work out what they were shouting about. My office, now, if you please.'

#

'So, Potter, do tell me what it is this time.'

'It's private.'

'Look.' She leaned forward, eyes boring into James'. 'You can't do this, you aren't even a prefect. If you remember rightly we made Mr Lupin a prefect, because he is sensible and you are not. And also because you quite clearly aren't up to the job. So the point I am making is that you cannot simply deal out your own brand of retribution every time you believe one of your friends has stepped out of line.'

She sighed. 'Mr Pettigrew, do you have anything to do with this at all?'

'Don't know what they're fighting about,' he muttered. Remus noticed that Peter sounded almost sulky, as if he was feeling left-out. God, I wish they'd leave me out of it, he thought.

'Right then. No punishment for you; get out.'

'Yes, professor.' He shuffled from the room, for all appearances actually wanting to stay.

'Remus John Lupin; tell me why Potter deemed it necessary to hit you, and tell me now.'

'He thought I was...' Remus searched frantically for the right words, words that would satisfy her, but not actually tell her anything. There weren't any. 'He thought I was... upsetting Sirius, on purpose.'

'Now we're getting somewhere. Potter; what did you think Lupin had done to upset Mr Black?'

'I'm not upset!' Sirius insisted.

Remus was sure he heard McGonagall mutter something that sounded awfully like 'oh you will be'.

'He was... being mean to him.'

Their teacher's face became even graver. 'A little clearer if you please.'

'No.'

'Excuse me?'

'I said no. Please, professor, this is private, between the four of us, well, three of us.'

'I don't care; if you want to keep it private, then don't punch anyone!' Another world-weary sigh. 'So you thought Lupin had upset Black so you punched him?'

'Yes.'

'I wasn't upset--'

'I might have upset him... a bit.'

'I see. And what makes you think that?'

Remus didn't reply because he couldn't.

'So did you think Mr Potter was right to hit you?'

Remus thought about it. 'Yes, I think he was.'

She looked about to explode. 'Well isn't this nice. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse between the four of you. What a way to end the year on a low note. Are you feeling satisfied with the way your prefectship went Mr Lupin?'

What could he say to that? 'No professor.' He sneezed, causing his nose-bleed to start up again.

'Indeed.' She glared at him in disdain, clearly no longer having sympathy for any of them. 'Twenty points from Gryffindor Mr Potter, and two weeks detention which I assure you will continue after the holiday.'

'Yes professor.'