The Dating Disasters of Sirius Black

Part 3: Bellatrix Black and something red and lacy

Stupid o'clock in the morning, Gryffindor common room, Halloween night

Remus didn't think he was being totally anti-social. He'd spent two whole hours at the Halloween Masquerade Ball and he thought that had been a nice enough amount of time. He'd stayed long enough for the food and a bit of chat and had left quickly when dancing was suddenly expected of him. Remus hated dancing. He also hated wearing a mask, because a mask meant people didn't know who you were, so they didn't leave you alone, and they actually tried to talk to you. Not that many of the people there would have known why the recent full moon had exhausted him so much.

So he'd escaped to the common room with a book and had been thoughtful enough to stay up and harass any student that looked like they might be up to no good, take a few house points and send them to bed. He thought it had been very selfless of him.

It was getting late now and, though he wasn't tired, he was aware that it would be worth his while to head off to bed and pretend to be asleep anyway. James had stomped up a couple of hours ago, Peter in tow, in a most foul mood. Presumably his attempts to make Lily Evans jealous had not worked at all and, horror of horrors, she may have actually been having a nice time with her own date instead of spending her time worrying about his. The poor girl had probably been quite pleased, thinking that maybe he would leave her alone for once.

He didn't really want to go upstairs. James had been muttering about firewhisky on his way up there, and the last thing Remus felt like putting up with was a maudlin James Potter after half a bottle of spirits, or Peter's excitable drunken babbling.

Almost the last thing he felt like putting up with.

Certain persons had decided to go to the ball dateless so they could sleaze on everyone in sight behind the safety of their mask, however it was well after 1am and Remus was pretty sure every other member of their house was in their dormitories, so...

It would definitely be best not to be here to have to listen to whatever could have kept Sirius out so late. He was just beginning to collect his books together when his friend flolloped through the portrait-hole.

Sirius staggered to his feet, standing ten feet from Remus, looking at him with big scared eyes, his hair wildly tousled, and his mouth a small 'oh' of pain and confusion.

Odder than that, of course, was the fact that he was completely naked save for a pair of lacy women's knickers.

'Sirius... what--' He really didn't want to know, but then he kind of did.

'Fuck off,' the thing told him and made for the stairs.

'Sirius!'

He grabbed his books and followed him up the stairs and into their dormitory. Sirius didn't seem to care for the beds, or even finding himself some decent clothes; he headed straight into the bathroom.

Remus hovered nervously in the middle of the room, unsure what to do, and only vaguely registering that James and Peter seemed to have passed out, sprawled on Peter's bed. Clothes, he thought.

He grabbed the nearest dressing gown and was about to throw it though the bathroom door when he was interrupted by a loud retching.

'Sirius? Sirius, have you been drinking?' A given, surely.

His only reply was more retching, a choking noise, even more retching, and finally the sound of vomiting. Oh good, thought Remus, here I am again, happily minding my own business, then finding myself faced with three pissed teenage boys. Brilliant.

He threw in the dressing gown and sat on his bed to wait it out. He didn't fancy going in there and holding Sirius' hair back for him; it served the bastard right.

#

By the time the noises stopped, Remus had got bored and picked up his book again. Sirius staggered out; white as possible and still dressed in nothing but ladies underwear, and collapsed backwards onto Remus' bed. Remus sighed and stood up. It wasn't worth the effort to move him, he'd just have to brave the sandwich, chocolate and pasty-encrusted mess that was Sirius' bed.

He pulled back the sheets that, despite having been washed that morning by the House Elves, had still acquired multiple stains, though they seemed mainly to be the result of the evening fancy-dress extravaganza. There was a strong smell of whisky around the pillow area. He groaned and threw the pillow away and was just unbuttoning his shirt when Sirius found his voice.

'Remus,' he said weakly.

'Yes,' Remus replied in a long-suffering voice.

'Remus, I'm not drunk.'

'Of course you aren't,' he told him patronisingly.

'I'm not, I just had to get rid of it all, everything I ever ate. I seem to have run out now, though it hasn't helped.'

It was the strange hollow quality to his friend's voice that made Remus look round. Sirius looked truly awful; lain on his side, staring hopelessly back at him, one hand clawed into the duvet. He looked very odd, lying there limply, almost naked, stretched out on the bed.

'Why are you being sick if you aren't drunk? You hate being sick.'

'I thought it would make me feel better.'

'Did you... eat too much?' he asked, though he knew that wouldn't be an adequate reason for Sirius' behaviour.

'No... I-- I can't tell you.'

'What did you do?' What are the chances, Remus thought, that now I'm begging him to tell me what he was up to tonight, when earlier I was dreading it.

'Never-- telling...'

'Sirius, please, you're scaring me now.'

'No...'

Remus sat down on the bed next to him, placing a hand comfortingly on Sirius' shoulder. 'Please, I'll worry about you otherwise.'

'You promise you won't tell? You won't tell anyone?' His voice was a terrified whisper.

'Of course, I promise.'

'What about them?' He gestured over to Peter's bed. Remus was shocked; Sirius was about to tell him a secret he didn't even want James to know.

'Dead drunk. Even if they did hear you they wouldn't remember it in the morning.'

'Right.' Sirius' hand crept along the duvet and his fingers entwined with Remus'.

'Right. So...?'

'It was the masks.'

There was a far-too-long pause. 'The masks made you sick?'

Sirius ignored him. 'I didn't know who anyone was, really, I didn't know who she was--'

'Oh for fuck's sake, I can't believe you!' Remus dropped the hand he was holding instantly. 'I was actually worried!' He jumped up off the bed so he could get a better vantage point to yell at his friend. 'I was actually worried that something horrible had happened to you! And you're just sticking your fingers down your throat because you shagged some girl you don't like because she had a mask on! You selfish, vile, selfish, little bastard! How could you--'

'Bella.'

'...W-what?'

'It was Bella.'

'You slept with Bellatrix?' Remus was horrified; there were few people on earth Sirius hated more than members of his family and his cousin was quite high on that list.

'I didn't... do that with her. But I kissed her. A lot.'

Remus sat down again. 'How?' He knew 'why?' wasn't the right question.

'She had that mask on, and we weren't talking, that was part of the fun. She came up and started dancing with me, which was fine, then she took my hand and led me out of the hall... Her mask covered everything but her mouth, there was gauze over her eyes. If I'd just been able to see her eyes, her cold, unfeeling, soulless eyes...'

'Oh god.' There was a random grunt from the direction of Peter's bed, though neither he nor James seemed to have been woken by the shouting.

'And she pulled my mask up so I couldn't see, and she took me somewhere, and then she was kissing me against a wall, and it felt good... oh god, and I heard someone say a password--'

'Wasn't that a clue?'

'No, it was 'Riddle-me-ree', I hardly thought it was a Slytherin password, and it can't have been her that said it, but it was another girl...'

'Then what, or do I not want to know?'

'God, I don't want to know. We were on a bed, and kissing, and... touching... I want to die... and then she made this noise and I had to see her, so I whipped off my mask while she was distracted... and there she was. Smirking. Like it was just another evil plot to her. Like she thought she could shag me and I'd be converted back to her evil pure-blood ways.' He moaned and curled in on himself. Remus distractedly stroked his hair.

'I'll never live this down, never, she'll tell everyone.'

'Not everyone. I suspect she can't risk this ever getting back to Lestrange.'

'Maybe, but she'll tell enough people and they'll all know, and it will haunt and torture me for the rest of my life...' Sirius had his face pressed against Remus' leg and was making dry sobbing noises. Or possibly gagging noises.

Remus was at a complete loss. Sirius was the most confident person he knew; a boy who didn't care what anyone thought, a boy who openly defied his powerful family and its traditions.

But Bellatrix had found the perfect way to break him.

Remus decided he had to stop his friend moping; they needed a plan of action. Or rather distraction.

'Right. First things first; you need to put some clothes on.' Despite the gravity of the situation it was still difficult to concentrate on the matter in hand whilst Sirius was wearing nothing but red lace panties. The corner of his mouth twitched a little.

'No... I'm going to have a long hot shower and try to scrub her filth off my skin.'

'No. Shower later. First we have to make a plan.'

'A plan?' Sirius lifted his head and stared hopefully into Remus' eyes.

'Yes. We need to pay back the bitch don't we?' A slow almost-smile spread over Sirius' face, Remus knew he loved to hear him swear.

'Payback, yes... So what have you got?'

'Nothing. Unless you want to try Memory Charms all round in Slytherin house, I think we'll have to ask James for some ideas. You can wake him; he's going to chuck the minute he wakes.'

'Who needs James? You already cracked it!' Sirius sat up and grabbed Remus by the shoulders.

'Sirius--'

'You said it yourself; she won't have been able to tell too many people. So we Memory Charm her, her roommates, her sisters, and Regulus, just in case. And hope to god she didn't owl anyone.'

'That is very extreme--'

'So? This is my pride, my confidence, my reputation, my everything!' His voice lowered to a confidential tone. 'We have to do this.' Their eyes were locked together, noses almost touching.

Any other time Remus would have said no, but somehow he understood how important this was. Sirius needed at least some small hold over his family, for his own sanity, or whatever semblance of sanity Sirius was master of. He may be an annoying bundle of selfish, careless arrogance, but he and James and Peter had stood by Remus when he thought no-one would. And they never held it against him, never made him feel guilty for it, never made him pay for it, unless you counted all the trouble he got into just by being their friend.

In a fit of affection and gratefulness, Remus grabbed Sirius in a brief hug. 'Okay, just this once,' he whispered hoarsely into his ear.

'Thank you,' Sirius whispered back, his voice choked with emotion, fingernails digging into Remus' back.

'Right!' Remus pulled away first. 'You, trousers.'

'Yeah!' The familiar fire was back in Sirius' eyes.

'And I need James' cloak. Bugger.'

He set about waking the dead-drunk boys spread on Peter's bed. Jets of water from his wand worked on James, but only made Peter open his mouth to drink.

'Wass goin? Yurrrgh,' said James, and Remus was glad he still had his shoes on. He used another jet of water to clean them.

'Sober up, we need you.' Another jet of water to the face.

'Noooooo. Nooooooooooooooo,' he spluttered. 'Sick. Bleaugh--' Remus dragged him up and threw him into the bathroom. Meanwhile Peter was sitting up, looking very awake and alert, but also very confused.

'My head hurts. Could I have another glass of water?'

'Peter are you drunk?'

'Not very. James seemed to think he deserved a larger share of the drink. Got any more water? Simply because he's fancied Lily longer than I've liked Angela doesn't--' Remus tuned him out. He took the whinging to mean that Peter was, in fact, quite drunk.

Turning round, he noticed that Sirius was not only dressed, but had dressed entirely in black and had blacked streaks over his cheeks too, with god knows what. Okay, that isn't the biggest problem, he told himself. James was now sitting on the floor, slumped against the frame of the bathroom door.

'Better, James?'

'Yeah. Someone had already been sick in the toilet, so I was sick in the bath.'

Remus groaned.

'For god's sake, James!' Sirius yelled, 'Pull it together! We have a secret undercover mission to carry out.'

'Ooh, do we?'

'Well James isn't coming, we just need to borrow his cloak. Peter can be our look-out.'

'Nooo, I wanna come.' Remus hated drunk people; it didn't matter when you were drunk too, but when you were sober they were god-awful.

'Yes, we should all do this together. United in defending my honour and all that.'

'Sirius! James can barely stand!'

'Course I can!' James insisted, affecting his familiar 'I'm pretending to be sober' face that had never convinced anyone.

'So, Remus, my saviour, the plan?'

'Hey wait; you haven't even told us why we need a plan at two in the morning, and also, do we all have to dress like Sirius?' Peter folded his arms crossly.

'The reason doesn't not concern you,' Sirius bit back, 'and my costume is entirely voluntary. Anyway, since when did we need a reason to cause trouble at two in the morning?'

'The Plan, then,' Remus interrupted. 'Due to circumstances that we are currently unable to disclose, we need to--'

'Remus, don't use long words when I'm... slightly tipsy.' James could be an awful whiner sometimes.

'What long words? And your state of inebriation is hardly my fault. Anyway, we will be breaking into Slytherin House's dormitories and removing the memories of several most hated persons.'

'Wow! But wait; I'm totally crap at Memory Charms!' James said.

'And totally wasted. Which is why Sirius and I will be casting the charms and you'll be... assisting Peter with his look-out duties, in, er, complete silence.'

'Sounds a bit boring.'

'Orders are orders, my good man,' Sirius said, patting him on the back, 'and Remus is leading us on this one.'

'I don't get it, what happened?' Peter frowned deeply.

'Shall we just say that some Slytherins played a cruel trick on Sirius and it needs to be undone.'

'Well, we'll need to play a buggeringly awful trick on them in return,' James piped up.

'I think robbing them of tonight's memories should be sufficient.'

'I think James has a point--' Sirius began.

'Who did you say was in charge?' Remus snapped back.

'You.'

'Well then. This will be humiliating enough.'

'But what if they don't realise it was us.'

'Trust me, they will. Probably after Dumbledore calls you into his office. Or just before.'

'Oh. I could really do without detention.'

'Peter!' whined James, 'the four of us stick together! Always! Remember our secret project!'

Out of the corner of his eye Remus could see Sirius wince. 'Which I'm not a part of,' he pointed out to the others.

'No time for that now,' Sirius reminded him briskly. 'On with the action.'

Remus glared at him, but he'd long ago forced himself to stop being jealous of the secret project; it had been a good three years now. 'So. Black and Potter under the cloak, in silence, and--'

'What about me?' Peter asked.

'You and I will just walk along the corridor. If we're seen we tell people I'm taking you to the hospital wing.'

'She'll shout at me for drinking.'

'Solidarity, Peter.'

'Huh.'

'Are we all clear? Then let's go.'

#

Creeping along a third-floor corridor was when James finally couldn't hold himself back any longer. Remus had noticed he'd been sniggering all the way already.

'You wear them just for me did you?' An elastic twanging sound was heard.

'Shut up, James!' Remus hissed.

'Yeah, shut it,' Sirius muttered in agreement.

There was a noise from around the corner, definitely human. Peter's fingernails dug deeper into the skin on Remus' arm. Remus hated having to be the brave leader, it was usually James or Sirius' job. He crept up to the wall and peered around it. A Ravenclaw couple were kissing against the wall, possibly slightly more than kissing. He sighed in relief. Any other time he would have taken House points off them, but he could hardly do that now.

He faced the others and pressed a finger to his lips, with an especially meaningful look in the direction of where he thought James was.

The couple didn't even look up as they crept past.

James sniggered some more once they were out of sight.

'James, I'm warning you,' Remus told him in his best teacher-y voice.

'Yes, but-- ow!' Sirius must have just done something painful to him. Good.

'Hold on.' Remus stopped short. 'Are you still wearing that underwear?'

'Ah!' yelped James. 'You two! You make him wear ladies underwear! I knew it!'

'You knew it? You could have told me. Oh for god's sake Sirius, here we are trying to rectify this situation--' James sniggered. 'What is funny about that?' Remus asked coldly.

'You said rectify.'

'Do tell me what is funny about-- okay don't, I get it. The point is; Sirius, why the fuck are you still wearing Slytherin girls' panties?'

'...'

'Slytherinses underwear?' asked James.

'Right, I don't care, let's just get this over with.'

'Oh god; is that what they did to him? Is that why we have to remove their memories?' Peter was full of awe that the Slytherins had actually stooped to forced-transvestism as a form of humiliation.

'Close enough. Actually... no it isn't. Sirius you never even attempted to explain why you were dressed like that when you turned up.'

'Didn't I? Er... well, I was naked and there was nothing else to hand.'

'I see. Surely it would have been less embarrassing to be-- doesn't matter. I suppose for this to be effective we need to find your clothes also? Though possibly no-one would know they were yours. This is never going to work - what if we can't get to the girls' dormitories?'

'It's your fucking plan,' Sirius told him sulkily.

'I notice that you two are allowed to have long conversations, but I can't even snigger,' pointed out the space next to the space where Sirius' voice was coming from.

'He's right. Onward!' Sirius commanded.

'But--'

'Let's just see what happens, yes? I don't know about anyone else, but I can't really be in any more trouble than I already am.'

'All for one, and one for all!' James said too loudly, punching the air and lifting the cloak so they were visible up to the knees.

Remus knew that he could easily be in a lot more trouble than he already was, but he'd given up the right to a quiet life by being friends with this lot in the first place. 'This has to be the biggest dating cock-up you've ever managed,' he muttered at Sirius.

'Oh, Remus, you know what it does to me when you talk like that!' Remus smiled because at least Sirius had his evil sense of humour back.

'Does it do the same thing that wearing women's knickers does for you?'

'Stop talking bollocks, James. Just cos you're jealous...'

'The plan!' hissed Remus, exasperated.

'Is he really wearing girls pants?' asked Peter.

'Yes,' Remus affirmed grimly.

#

'Are you sure this is it, it's just a wall.'

'Petey, we've been here before.'

'Don't remind me,' muttered Sirius. 'Riddle-me-ree,' he added, and the wall opened in front of them.

'Oh.'

'You two stay here, and signal us if a teacher comes.'

'What sort of signal?'

'You'll think of something.' Sirius threw the cloak over Remus, then joined him under it.

'Er... is that a good idea?' Remus didn't want to give James any difficult decisions to make in his state, but Sirius had already pulled him through the door.

They hadn't needed to go far until they heard voices coming from the dungeon common room. Sirius pushed him against the wall, holding him back. Sirius was trembling. Remus couldn't tell if it was with rage, fear, or a combination of the two.

'You are so daring,' a female voice practically simpered.

'I know--' Bellatrix Black replied smugly.

'I still can't fathom why you did it,' another girl sounded more sceptical.

'It was the perfect plan.'

'I didn't mean so much why as how. How could you bear to--'

'Don't be daft, you stupid girl, anyone would,' Bellatrix snapped back.

'I'd do him even without his mask on,' agreed the first voice.

Remus felt Sirius shuddering against his shoulder.

'I just don't see how you could risk ruining things with Rabastan--'

'Look; Sirius is family. Rabastan would understand that it was my duty to save him from himself by using any means within my power.' There was some sniggering. 'And besides, I know Rabastan far better than you ever will, and I'm willing to bet that he'd really quite enjoy the idea of my blindfolding Sirius, tying him to the bed and seducing him.'

'I did not need to know that!' the sensible-sounding girl said sharply.

Remus could tell that Sirius didn't need to know that either; he was slowly dying as he leaned helplessly against the cold stone wall and Remus realised that it would be himself that had to make the first move; Sirius was paralysed with fear and disgust.

Before Bellatrix could go into more repulsive detail about Rabastan Lestrange's perverse sexual fantasies, Remus took a deep breath, threw off the cloak, threw himself round the corner and into view of the girls.

'Expelliarmus!'

He'd used quite a bit of force. Three wands flew into his hand and Bellatrix, who had taken the brunt of his spell, was blasted backwards from where she'd been sitting on the floor and cracked her back off a table.

She didn't seem too upset about being disarmed, she simply smiled wickedly and drawled, 'Look who it is.'

'I said this wasn't a good idea,' the first girl --serious-looking with short brown hair-- insisted stubbornly, in her sulky voice.

'Sirius' little boyfriend, are you jealous?' Bella opened her eyes wide with false innocence.

'Obliviate!' Sirius screamed, appearing suddenly. Bella slumped back over the table, her eyes unfocused.

'Stupefy!' added Remus, and her body jerked and her eyes closed.

'Very clever,' the brown-haired girl told them almost approvingly.

'Er--' started the other girl --a pretty blond, Remus noticed-- who was chewing a fingernail nervously, and looking very embarrassed.

'Sorry about all this,' Remus said, starting to feel a bit mean. Bellatrix was obviously truly evil, but these two seemed fairly harmless. Of course they still couldn't be trusted and still needed their memories removed. 'Do you know if she told anyone else about this?' he asked kindly.

'You're going to take our memories too, aren't you?' the blond asked.

The other girl rolled her eyes. 'Of course they are. What do you care anyway? Might stop you drooling over idiots like Black here.'

'Hey!' Sirius exclaimed.

However Remus had to admit, if privately, that Sirius was an idiot; especially now, wearing knickers and all that stupid black face-paint. Or maybe it was make-up. He told himself to concentrate; now was not the time to be worrying about Sirius' possible secret cross-dressing problem.

'Please, was there anyone else?' he asked again.

'Not that I know of. Unless she discussed what she was planning to do with someone. I doubt it though. I think it was generally a spur of the moment idea.'

Sirius sighed deeply. 'Just in case; third-year boys' dormitory?'

'That way, second door on your right.'

'Ta. You can deal with two unarmed girls, can't you, Remus?'

'Yes, and don't remove too much.'

'Would I?' he asked, raising an eyebrow at Remus before hurrying off.

Remus bit his lip. 'I really am sorry about this,' he told the girls. 'Who wants to be first?' Neither seemed inclined to try and escape.

'Go for it,' sighed the blond eventually.

'Obliviate, Stupefy,' Remus said in a dull voice, feeling bad. She slumped to the floor.

'How much are you removing?' demanded the remaining girl.

'All of tonight... last night. Whatever.'

'Oh. Do you have to?'

'Just in case.'

'But I only found out what Bella did a couple of hours ago.'

'I'm sorry, but I can't really trust you,' he told her sadly.

'I know. Bella can be an awful cow sometimes.'

'True, but Sirius can be an awful idiot.'

'Good point. I'd have to know someone a hell of a lot better before I let them kiss me, never mind blindfold me and tie me up.'

'Thanks, but I don't want the mental images.'

'Sorry. He's really upset about this, isn't he?'

'Yeah. That's how he talked me into this.'

'You're a prefect, aren't you?'

'Yes...'

'Don't feel too bad, you're just doing a very kind favour for a friend.'

'Hmm,' he replied, he was finding this particular girl completely baffling.

'Sorry, I know I'm sucking up, but... I had a really good time at the ball. I met this boy, and he was really nice and I don't know who he was, in his mask and all, but I don't want to forget him...

'It wasn't Sirius, was it?'

'No, I think he's a complete wanker.'

'Me too,' he replied practically involuntarily. Remus found he'd sat down only a few feet in front of her. He also found he quite liked her. 'I didn't remove anything important from your friend?'

'Just another fight with her stupid boyfriend, he'll be very pleased she doesn't remember him calling her a dozy blond cow.'

'So when can I remove your memory from?'

'Do you have to? Maybe I don't want to forget you either.'

'Now I know you're trying to trick me. And also I'm starting to get worried about what Sirius is doing to his brother...'

'He's probably just obliviating the entire dormitory.'

'Oh god, he is, isn't he?'

'Yeah. The end of the ball then? Midnight?'

'I'll try.'

'Kiss me.'

'What?'

'Kiss me, before you take my memory. And don't knock me out.'

He looked at her. She was pretty in a quiet, delicate sort of way -exactly his type, really-- and obviously intelligent, but still... Remus Lupin just didn't do this sort of thing. Not often anyway. Though right now it was the middle of the night and he'd broken into the Slytherin common room to attack some people...

'I don't know you, I don't even know your name. You're a Slytherin...'

'So? I won't remember this in less then a minute anyway.'

Remus checked quickly in the direction Sirius had disappeared, though it hardly mattered; Sirius had already done worse that night.

Then he leaned forward, still clutching his wand and the girls' wands tight in case this was a trick, which seemed more likely than not. Her lips were soft and wet and tasted of rum. She opened her mouth a little and touched her tongue to his. His mind was confused by a mixture of 'mmm' and 'help, I'm kissing a Slytherin'. Her hands cupped his jaw; her way of proving she wasn't trying to go for his wand, and he kissed her a bit harder, trying to remember the last time he did this and what the hell he was supposed to do.

Caught up in the romance of the moment, and feeling like this was a good moment to start being dramatic, he lifted his wand to her temple, still kissing her, and felt her nod gently. 'Obliviate,' he murmured into her mouth.

He felt like the ceiling had opened up and bucketed water and god-knows-what on his head. Mainly because it had. He was definitely regretting feeling dramatic; possibly this was what happened when a Slytherin kissed a half-blood in their own common room.

There was a gasping shriek close to his ear, though he could hardly see for the water and foam that was in his eyes and still sheeting down from above.

'What's going on?' the girl he'd been kissing only a second earlier was now shouting, sounding greatly confused. 'And...where am I?' she continued in that cold, far-off voice of someone befuddled by the Obliviate spell. At least it had worked.

'Run!' He heard Sirius shout. 'Where are you?'

'Here! Keep talking!' Remus dropped the girls' wands and stood up quickly.

'Get your arse over here, you bastard!'

Rain and foam everywhere, he ran towards Sirius' voice.

'That you?' he asked, grabbing an arm.

'Yeah.'

'Cloak?'

'Yeah. All done?'

'Yeah. You?'

'Yup,' Sirius replied with worrying satisfaction.

They stumbled hurriedly towards the door, finding it hard to see, and trying to rush but not knowing in what direction.

'What is this?' Remus asked desperately, feeling along a wall. A cold, stone wall that felt exactly the same as all the walls in the dungeons.

'James.'

'No... James did this?'

'Yeah.'

The air was filled with confused screaming. People were leaving their dormitories and starting to fill the common room. They had to get out, and fast.

'How? What kind of spell does this?'

'Fire extinguishers. Covers the entire school.'

'Eh?'

'In case of extreme emergency the water and foam put out any kind of fire and stop almost any kind of magic.'

'We can't do any magic in this?'

'None at all. Stops it dead in its tracks. Hope your spell worked.'

'I think it did, she sounded confused.'

'Mm.'

He pulled Sirius close and lowered his voice. 'Wait, this is James' signal?'

'I assume.'

'So someone's here!'

'Yes. Let's hope it ain't Dumbledore.'

'We have to find them before a teacher does!'

'No fucking kidding!' Remus didn't know why Sirius was in a bad mood all of a sudden, though Remus himself was angry enough to kill James when he got a hold of him. 'Aha! A door!'

They fell through it.

'Sirius!' cheered a tall, skinny lump of foam, oblivious to their shushing. 'Thought you were never coming! I was sure you'd understand my signal, but don't worry; I only thought it was Dumbledore, but it was just Peeves!'

The only thing that stopped Remus from strangling James was that Sirius had got there first.

'Glark!'

'I'm sorry; I didn't know what he was doing,' the slightly podgier lump of foam told them.

'It's okay, Peter, it isn't your fault that James is an even bigger idiot when drunk,' spat Sirius.

'Let's get the hell out of here!' Remus yelled, interrupting the argument.

The corridors were filled with shouting, screaming and general bewildered uproar. People were stumbling down the stairs and fighting their way out of the Slytherin dungeons behind them. Time to get lost in the crowd, thought Remus.

They staggered off, hopefully in the right direction, Sirius' hand clamped over James' mouth. Remus was quite relieved that no magic could be performed.

'Surely it can't be that difficult to avoid any professors in all this?' Peter asked.

'I bloody hope so,' Sirius fumed. 'Nearly bloody ruined everything,' he muttered, presumably referring to James' 'signal'.

'How do you two even know how to set the magic-extinguishers off? I can't even remember them being mentioned in 'Hogwarts, A History',' Remus asked.

'Well they probably didn't want to mention it in case someone does something like this,' Peter said.

'Exactly,' grunted Sirius.

'Look, we got everything done; your bad mood isn't going to help us find the Gryffindor common room and pretend we've been there all night,' Remus reminded him.

'In fact, shutting up would be a good idea, so no-one identifies us by our voices.'

'Another extremely sensible point Peter, well done; drinking seems to increase your sense and clarity of mind--'

'A good point yet you're still talking,' Peter added.

There was an embarrassed pause.

'Okay, so I'm feeling a bit nervous and claustrophobic surrounded by all this foam,' Remus finally admitted.

'Not panicking at all?' smirked Peter.

'Fine,' snapped Sirius, 'if Remus wants to be a big girl about all this, we can shut the hell up and all hold hands like pansies.'

'You're the one in women's knickers,' said James happily.

#

It took them over half an hour to finally reach Gryffindor Tower and when they reached their dormitory there was already someone waiting for them, perched on the end of Remus' bed.

'Evening, Lily,' Remus sighed.

'I thought at least you would be in your bed, Remus.'

'Sorry.' He hated disappointing Lily, a good friend and fellow prefect.

'Why on earth would you want to find Remus' bed when you could be looking for mine?' whined James.

'Is he drunk?' asked Lily angrily, jabbing her finger in the direction of James and glaring wildly at Remus.

'Look, Lily, I'm sorry, but we're all very tired.'

'Hey, Lil, guess what Sirius is wearing?'

'How has he got more drunk than before we left?' Sirius asked sharply.

'You were the one that insisted on dragging him along! This is all your fault,' Remus pointed out, only slightly unfairly.

'Like you have to remind me!'

Remus sighed again. 'Sorry, no really, but look-- just go and get changed, yes? I don't care what you do on your own time, but right now it's a little disturbing.'

Sirius had gone a funny pinky-purple colour. 'Fine.' He started pulling his shirt off. Lily made a small yelping noise and covered her eyes.

'In the bathroom, Sirius,' Remus told him patiently.

He grabbed some clothes, flashed a dangerous look at all of them, and slammed the door.

'Remus, why? Just... why? Everyone had a lovely night, why did you four have to spoil it?'

'It wasn't like that... really, it wasn't... we had to-- I can't tell you, but-- but it wasn't just a prank this time.'

'Yeah, we were saving Sirius' sorry ass, in case the Slytherins find out he--'

'James Potter!' Sirius yelled, yanking open the bathroom door, now dressed in pyjamas. 'In the morning I'm going to kill you, you useless drunk bastard!'

'Oh, come on...'

'I'm going to reach down your throat and pull your testicles out through your mouth!' Sirius continued.

'For god's sake!' screeched Lily.

'I take it you'll be running straight to McGonagall?' Sirius spat at her.

'I hardly need to, she's going to guess.'

'Yeah.' Remus frowned and rubbed his forehead. 'Look, we'll worry about it in the morning, when we've all slept, and James is making some more sense. Lily, I'm really sorry if we spoiled your night.'

'Okay.' She turned towards the door.

'Wait - you wouldn't happen to know how long the anti-magical effect of the foam lasts, do you?'

'I think only an hour.'

'Oh, good. Goodnight?'

'Hm!' She flounced out.

'She luuuurrrves me,' insisted James.

'Sleep! Now! I can't take any more of any of you tonight. Okay?'

Remus grabbed his pyjamas, changed into them, climbed into bed and pulled the curtains tightly shut around him.

Great. He would have to get up again and face the music in less than five hours.

#

After a lot of worrying he was finally starting to drift off when the curtains rippled open and Sirius scrambled into bed with him.

'No... Siriusssss.'

'I can't sleep, Moon-boy.'

'I've done so much for you today already.'

'I'm going to have terrifying nightmares, I just know it.' Sirius threw an arm over him, snuggling close, and nuzzling his face into Remus' neck. In general, Sirius was far too touchy-feely for Remus' liking, but at the moment he was too tired to care.

'Can't you get in with James?' he mumbled.

'Are you kidding? Not only is he drunk and stinks of sick, but if I wake up next to him in the morning I might kill him.'

'Peter?'

'He kicks in his sleep.'

'So do you! You're the perfect match.'

'I need my calm, lovely Moonshine to calm my nightmares.'

'Don't call me that.'

'But there is a way to stop me having nightmares--'

'I am not going to steal you any dreamless sleep potion from anywhere.'

'Not that. Something that will solve this problem for me entirely.'

'What? Oh! Noooo...'

'Please, please Remus.'

Sirius was leaning over him now, giving him a big puppy-dog-eyes look, thick, dark hair tickling Remus' face.

'That only works on girls.'

'Please, I'll do anything, I'll be indebted to you forever.'

'You already are. And I can't, I already feel bad enough.'

'It's hardly difficult.'

'Yes it is! You'll get all confused, and keep asking me, and when I tell you what I did you'll be angry, and when I tell you why then you'll know again and it will have been pointless and you'll make me do it again and the cycle will continue.'

'Just refuse to tell me, please, I'll be miserable forever otherwise.'

'No--'

'Well it'll have to be the other option then.'

'Which is?'

'Do something else so shocking that I hardly remember Bella.'

'I do not want to be involved in any more shocking behaviour, and now is certainly not the time. And I do not want to know what you have in mind.'

'Don't you?' he asked, far too close to Remus' face now.

'Sirius...' Remus hissed, his voice catching slightly.

'They're your only two choices, Remus.'

'You are not serious.'

'I am. Either you Memory Charm me, or you shag me.'

Remus had felt bad enough memory charming two Slytherin girls, never mind one of his best friends. It was just so wrong. Sirius couldn't make him do it.

Somehow his friend's hand had slid its way up his pyjama top and was resting on his stomach. 'Maybe,' whispered Sirius, 'you just rather like the idea of this option.'

Remus tried to take a deep breath but his lungs seemed to be frozen.

'Sirius,' he said more urgently, through clenched teeth.

'And I have been told I'm a great shag...' His fingers were starting to stroke now, and one of them had found its way into his belly-button and was rubbing little circles.

Remus found he'd screwed his eyes tight shut, unable to bear the desperate and almost earnest look on Sirius' face.

'I can't Memory Charm you, it would be wrong, I don't want to do it.'

'Don't you?' Remus let out a small yelp of terror as a thumb stroked underneath the waist-band of his pyjama bottoms.

'Okay!' He'd jumped up and was kneeling on his bed.

'Okay,' said Sirius, looking rather annoyed that he'd had to go to such lengths.

'I'm still annoyed you're making me do this.'

'I know.'

'All of last night?'

'Yes.'

'Until now?'

'Yes, then knock me out. I don't want to remember any of this.'

'But--'

'Just do it, Remus,' he said bitterly. 'God, you're such a good friend.' Remus was angered by the bitterness and sarcasm in Sirius' voice. He was a bloody good friend.

'Okay, but you have to do it my way.'

'Do what your way?'

'Just listen to me. First get a quill and some parchment.' He was fully awake and would be for a while now.

'What do we need those for?'

'Just do it.'

#

Remus still didn't manage to sleep very well, and was very angry that Sirius was sleeping like a baby having loaded his problems onto him.

He'd got up fairly early for the night after a ball, not feeling up to Sirius' confused and baffled questions or James and Peter's hangovers, and wandered down to breakfast.

Lily had given him a meaningful look as he sat down.

He didn't feel like talking to anyone, so he played with his food and chewed his fingernails and was annoyed that, despite all his scrubbing, the slightly antiseptic smell of the foam still lingered on his skin. He supposed it not only put out fires and suppressed all magic, but it probably killed all known diseases as well.

'Morning, Potter!' Lily said, slightly too loudly.

'Uuuuuuh,' moaned James, the epitome of death warmed over. 'I want to die.'

'I want you to die too,' Remus told him.

'I third that,' added Lily, shifting into the seat next to Remus. 'So what did happen last night? McGonagall doesn't look too happy, does she?' she added gleefully.

Remus dared not look. James groaned and asked, 'Did you tell her?'

'Like I needed to.'

Peter shuddered into the seat next to James. 'We are so dead.'

'Indeed you are,' Lily said smugly.

'Oh, what is your problem; did we spoil your date with Simple Simon?' James snapped.

'Not at all; I had a splendid evening. Until I was woken around 2am by an impromptu shower of water and foam, that is.'

'Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead.'

'You aren't helping, Peter.'

'Oh, shut up, James, this is all your fault.' Peter was clearly not happy about the trouble they'd be in.

'Where's Sirius?' Remus asked, trying to deflect the argument for now.

'In the shower, I think; this stuff is hard to get off your skin.'

'I noticed. How did he seem?'

'Who?'

'Sirius.'

'I dunno, the usual, I guess.'

'Right.'

'Hey... last night he was wearing--'

'James! Shut up. We don't talk about that.'

'You'll be telling it all to Dumbledore and McGonagall soon,' Lily interrupted.

'What are we going to tell them?'

'Look, just leave it. We'll sort it out when we have to; I just cannot be arsed at the moment.'

'Morning?' Sirius' confused voice butted in.

'Ah, Black, eagerly anticipating your doom?' grinned Lily.

'Eh?'

'Your doom. What McGonagall is going to do with you when she finally gets her claws into the four of you.'

'Why, what happened?'

James snorted.

'No, seriously. James, I don't remember.' He turned his very worried eyes on his best friend.

'That is good. So you aren't going to kill me?'

'Why, what did you do? Oh god, I can't even remember drinking anything, well, not much.'

'Can you all just shut up? I'm tired and annoyed, and we're all in so much trouble, so would it kill you all to just shut your mouths for a bit?' Everyone looked surprised at Remus' outburst but he didn't care so long as they shut up.

Lily patted his arm and said in a comforting voice, 'calm down, it'll all be fine. All you need to do is get some new friends.'

'I don't even know what you're whining on about you bastard,' Sirius complained, 'at least you're not so hung-over you don't even remember drinking last night.'

'You didn't really seem drunk, Sirius,' commented Lily.

'Yeah, well he must have been; he was sick in the bath. I had to bloody clean it out before I could shower!'

'That was you, James,' Remus told him tiredly. 'Sirius was sick in the toilet and so you said you had to use the bath.'

'Oh. Well where the hell did you shower?'

'In the prefects' bathroom.'

'Oh.'

'I just don't remember any of it,' Sirius whimpered.

'Just don't worry about it--' Remus began.

'I'm not worrying, I'm annoyed more than anything. I got lucky last night.'

'No you did not!' Remus said, slightly too loudly and quickly, scared that Sirius' memory might somehow be returning and he might accidentally blurt out something he'd gone to great lengths to stop people ever knowing. He'd been sure that despite being tired that his Memory Charm had worked fine.

'I did too,' Sirius claimed smugly, 'there was a pair of red lace knickers by my bed.'

James snorted, then began to sob quietly, his forehead rested on the edge of the table. Peter pressed both hands over his mouth. Remus felt he'd completely lost his own sense of humour and felt over-burdened at being the only person in the school who truly knew all that had occurred last night. Though he guessed that Dumbledore would have a fair idea.

On cue, the man cleared his throat.

'Bugger.' James stopped laughing instantly.

'Just a quick word,' he said calmly. The whole school looked highly interested, desperate to know what had caused the previous evening's foam-shower. People were already starting to look at James and Sirius.

Remus tried to analyse the Headmaster's demeanour and tone of voice, but it was difficult. There was definitely some anger in there somewhere, but possibly also amusement, if only just a touch.

'I'm sure you all had an extremely enjoyable night last night, and it is a great pity that the reckless few felt the need to spoil it for the majority. I have nothing else to say on the subject of the emergency sprinklers being set off other than that the incantation has already been changed and that the smell on your skin should wear off within a week.

'My other point is important: anyone who feels at all confused about the events of last night should visit Madame Pomfrey. If you or someone you know is missing a large chunk of last night's occurrences, it is possible your memory has been tampered with. We would like to help you, and we may also need help reconstructing some of what happened. Anyone that feels they can help us with this should visit me, or their Head of House, anytime today. I will be free at eleven, by which time I hope to have finished interviewing Mr Potter and Mr Black. That is all.'

'Damn it!' James smashed his fist into the table, winced at the loud noise and the pain in his hand, then buried his face in his arms.

Remus looked up to see Dumbledore assault them with a piercing look and sweep out of the hall, closely followed by Professor McGonagall.

'Well he can't interview me yet, I'm going to see Madame Pomfrey about my missing memory. Unless you think that's Dumbledore's clever way of working out who was drinking last night?'

'I'm afraid not.' Remus sighed the sigh of the eternally weary.

'How come you're so calm about this?'

'How about I explain this in Dumbledore's office?'

'You know! You know what happened last night! Tell me!'

'When we get there,' he said. Remus had noticed that James was suspiciously quiet on this subject, unwilling to tell Sirius what he knew of last night's events, but then he probably didn't want beaten up while he still had a hangover.

'No! You have to tell us now otherwise how can we work out what we're going to tell him?'

'We are going to tell him the truth. Not everything, but almost everything.'

'But I don't know anything!'

'You'll find out soon enough. All too soon, in fact,' he added as he looked up to see that McGonagall was sweeping her way towards them.

James moaned again and stood. The rest followed suit.

'I'll get you for this, Remus John Lupin,' hissed Sirius.

And that's gratitude for you, he thought with a sigh as McGonagall stood before them, a look of pure loathing on her face.

#

McGonagall was so angry that Remus was worried she would spontaneously combust. She hardly even said a word as she led them through the corridors, opening her mouth only to say, 'do I really need all four of you?'

'Yes,' Remus answered firmly, and she nodded and swept on.

And before they knew it they were standing in front of Dumbledore.

'So, who would like to explain?' he asked them tiredly.

Remus was about to start, albeit reluctantly, but Sirius beat him to it.

'What makes you think it's us? Admittedly we aren't perfect, but what if this time we really didn't do anything?' The righteous indignation in Sirius' voice was painful to Remus.

Dumbledore took a deep breath. 'Obviously it would be unfair to blame you simply because setting off the sprinklers seems exactly like the sort of thing you'd do. The reason I believe you four had a hand in this, and you in particular Mr Black, is due entirely to the identity of the victims.'

'Victims?'

'Yes. Those suffering from memory loss, to my knowledge, are all in Slytherin house.'

'So? Everyone hates Slytherins.'

Dumbledore paid no attention to his comment. 'Namely; your brother, all the boys in your brother's year that are in Slytherin, your cousin Bellatrix and her two best friends. I would like to be assured that it is a coincidence...'

'But I've lost my memory too! What if they attacked me first?'

'Have you indeed? Maybe your charm backfired?' McGonagall asked acerbically.

'No way! I'm brilliant at Memory Charms! Did someone Memory Charm me?'

'I'm afraid I cannot answer that as I was looking to you three for some answers. Mr Lupin, being the most sane person in this room right now, would you care to help out?'

Remus didn't feel very sane. He reached into his pocket, pulled out the parchment within, unrolled it and presented it to the Headmaster.

Dumbledore read through it slowly, eyebrows raised. Remus fiddled nervously with his fingers, trying not to meet the gazes of his very confused and suspicious friends.

'I see.' He gave Remus a look that could have meant anything. 'May I read this aloud?'

'I suppose,' Remus agreed.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and began:

'I, Sirius Black, being of extremely sound body (if I do say so myself), if not of mind.'

'What the hell is this?' yelled Sirius.

'I do believe it is a parchment you wrote to yourself to explain your memory loss,' Dumbledore sounded like he was trying very hard not to laugh.

'Okay, of sufficiently sound mind to make such an important decision, despite extreme emotional distress at this evening's horrifyingly painful events. Anyway, I do give my permission to my most greatly worshipped and beloved friend, Remus John Lupin, to perform on me, on this day, the first of November 1975, a non-specific, block Memory Charm.'

'Bit effusive, wasn't I?' Sirius asked suspiciously.

'Trust me, you were feeling very grateful,' Remus told him with a sigh.

'How drunk was I?'

'This Memory Charm will relieve me of the torturous memories I have of the Halloween Masquerade Ball, held here at Hogwarts on the thirty-first of October 1975, beginning at 7pm, and, just to be safe, all other events up until the point in time that I finish writing this(stated below, beside signature).

'In requesting this charm be placed upon me, I hereby accept all terms of the verbal agreement I made myself with the aforementioned Mr Lupin. These being: One, I will never ask him to relate any of this evening's happenings to me, or berate him for removing these events from my memory. Two, I accept the greater majority of blame for the evening's events, as they were indeed mainly down to my own carelessness and stupidity. Three, after our actions are uncovered by the proper authorities, and we are duly punished, I will never again speak of this with Mr Lupin.

'I also accept that I had every good reason for requesting the removal of these memories. I will write nothing here to remind myself, only to say they were truly despicably horrible.'

Sirius was at this point simply listening in dumb horror.

'I attach no blame on any count whatsoever to my kind and noble friend, and do thank him from the bottom of my heart for all that he has done for me in this selfless act of friendship.'

'I confess;-'

'No!' he yelled.

Dumbledore ignored him and continued reading.

'I confess; that sometime between the hours of twelve midnight and two-thirty am on the first of November 1975, I committed the following acts, thereby breaking school rules. I accept any punishment the authorities wish to place on me.

'-I was absent from my dormitory and house common room after hours on two (2) separate occasions.

'-I did enter the common room of another house, using a password I discovered merely by accident. I must note that Mr Lupin agrees that my knowing the password for another school house was not my own fault and believes that I should not be punished for it.

'-I did use a non-specific, block Memory Charm on my cousin, Ms Bellatrix Black, removing all her memories of that night.

'-I did use a non-specific, block Memory Charm on my brother, Mr Regulus Black, and all five (5) of his dorm-mates.

'-I used Stupefy on all the aforementioned people, to keep them unconscious until I could escape.

'That is all.

'All there is left to do is reiterate my complete and total utter gratitude to my adored friend Remus Lupin, and apologise most profusely for any pain I have caused him, tonight and on any other occasion. I only wish I could keep these memories so I would know this gratitude constantly and act accordingly towards him.

'Signed: Sirius Black

'Witness: Remus J Lupin

'Witness: I, Sirius Black, accept that there were no other possible witnesses, due to them being fast asleep. I accept I did not sign this under duress. SB.

'3.23am, 1^st November, 1975'

'Dictated that to him, did you?' Professor McGonagall asked dryly.

'Not all of it,' Remus muttered, 'he was very grateful.'

'What did you do to me?' Sirius yelped.

'For what exactly?' inquired Professor McGonagall, ignoring Sirius' interruption.

'I assume we shouldn't mention that in front of Mr Black,' Dumbledore said with an amused smile.

'I did not write that! Even if I had done all those things I would never admit to it!'

'That is your handwriting, Mr Black?' The Headmaster offered the parchment for his perusal.

'Well, yes.'

'And your signature?'

'Yes, but--'

'And Mr Lupin's signature?'

'Well, obviously.'

'And your fingerprint made in what I must assume is your own blood?'

'That would be easy to fake while I was asleep...'

Dumbledore sighed and turned away. 'What did you do wrong, Mr Pettigrew?'

'I- I was out after hours, and I did have a couple of drinks I--'

'Excellent! Two weeks detention! Please excuse us.'

Peter's eyes went round and he hurried out, sending a couple of back glances to his friends. Remus tried to give him a reassuring smile but he wasn't sure it came out right, though he was certainly feeling more kindly towards Peter than he was towards his other two friends.

'Mr Potter, what were you up to last night?'

'Same as Peter.'

'And?'

'And I set off the emergency foam,' he droned.

'That's all?' He turned to Remus again.

Remus nodded.

'Right! Four weeks detention and twenty points from Gryffindor. Next!'

James gave Sirius a weird look and dived for the door.

'Mr Black; ten house points from Gryffindor for each student whose mind you tampered with, and two weeks detention for using the spell on unwitting and unwilling fellow students. Also you will be apologising sincerely to each of them in person.' Sirius' face fell. Remus knew the apologies would be the far worse punishment seeing as he would be apologising to two of his least favourite people.

'A weeks detention for each of the two times you were out after curfew, and a week for being in the common room of another house. If you ever perform a Memory Charm again I will expel you. Now get out.'

'But--'

'Keep this,' Dumbledore handed him the parchment, 'and accept it as truth. I have never had any reason to mistrust Mr Lupin, and, as one of his best friends, I don't see why you should either. Good day.'

And then it was just Remus, his Head of House and his Headmaster.

'What did he want removed from his memory?' asked Dumbledore quietly.

'I can't tell you,' he whispered.

'Something important?'

'He was really upset; really, really upset. It wasn't his fault, except in the way that he was a bit stupid, and I knew he wouldn't get over it so... so I had to.'

'You didn't think it would be better if he came to terms with whatever it was?'

'He wouldn't have.' Remus didn't know how to explain it. 'I just couldn't bear seeing him like that.'

'And you thought his distress was so great that it didn't matter how many school rules you broke?'

Remus didn't know what to say, because what Dumbledore was saying was the truth, and he realised that he hadn't cared what rules he broke, and he would do it again if he had to.

'You thought it didn't matter how many other students you hurt in the process?'

Remus tried to feel ashamed, but he couldn't. The pretty brown-haired girl had practically admitted it was her own fault for being friends with someone like Bellatrix Black.

'And you don't regret it.' Not even a question; a statement.

'I'm sorry sir.'

'The reason we are disappointed in you is because we hoped being a prefect might help you become more in control of your own life and less led along by your friends. They aren't bad people, but they are thoughtless, and much as they love you, they still think of themselves first. Something which you don't do, Mr Lupin.

'How many people did you Memory Charm?'

'Bellatrix Black's two friends.'

'For Sirius.'

'Yes.'

The Headmaster sighed. 'So; one week for being out after curfew, one week for being in another house's common room, same as Mr Black's punishment for each of the girls you attacked and two weeks detention, and thirty points to Gryffindor.'

'Don't you mean from?'

'For being a good friend.'

'...Thank you,' Remus whispered, completely floored. Even his Transfiguration teacher looked surprised. Though technically it was only ten points because he'd lost twenty for the two Memory Charms.

'Though next time I suggest you are a good person and a good prefect before you are a good friend, and let him sort out his own mistakes.'

'Yes. I think I actually will; last night was hell.'

'I doubt Potter will think so, no doubt it was the best night of his life,' McGonagall added grumpily.

'I'm sure he'll have plenty of time to revel in its glory during his detention,' Dumbledore said mildly. 'Mr Lupin, good day, I'm sure I'll be seeing you soon.'

'But I won't be--'

'Good day.'

As he left he paused outside the door, a small smile on his face. At least he had got some recognition for his sacrifices.

'That poor boy,' sighed McGonagall, her voice drifting to him through the door.

'That poor boy what, Minerva?' Remus didn't mean to eavesdrop, but he couldn't help but wonder what his professors had made of it all.

'If he had just made better friends...'

'They aren't so bad and I happen to know that you are secretly quite fond of them.'

'I... nonsense,' she replied indignantly.

'So how long will he last, do you reckon? A week?' Dumbledore sounded amused.

'A week?' McGonagall replied shrilly. 'This is Sirius Black we're talking about! I would be most surprised if he lasts more than forty-eight hours!'

Remus wondered what the hell they were talking about.

He didn't have to wonder long.

#

Monday morning found Remus Lupin knocking on the door of Dumbledore's office.

'Ah, back so soon Mr Lupin?'

'Yes.'

'I hear you have yet to apologise to one of your unfortunate victims.'

'I will be doing that... later. After this.'

He placed the two separate parchments on the desk and sat down, uninvited, with a long sigh.

'Please, please just sort it for me.'

'What on earth makes you think I would stoop to such a thing?' Dumbledore asked gently.

'I accidentally overheard you and Professor McGonagall talking about it on Saturday.'

'I see. Well normally I wouldn't, but this is a special case. Are you sure you have everything in order?'

'Yes. Please.'

'You wouldn't care to explain before--'

'I can't. It was silly really, but it upset Sirius. It isn't anything for you to worry about, and such circumstances should never arise again.'

Dumbledore nodded. He read over the first sheet in detail, nodding slightly as he finished, then added his signature to the bottom with a flourish. He smiled at the brief sentence on the second sheet, which was addressed to Sirius Black, then lifted his wand.