Topsy Turvy

Topsy Turvy

Chapter One: Steak! It's What's For Dinner

If there was anything Hermione knew nothing about, it was Quidditch. Ron and Harry were practically obsessed with it, but she couldn't tell the difference between a Quaffle and a Bludger. Ron had tried showing her how to play, but she was worse at Quidditch than Divination. His usual lessons only involved him saying, "C'mon, Hermione; I know you know how to fly! All you have to do is-HERMIONE! WATCH OUT FOR THAT GOAL POST! ...Uh oh..." Since Ron started tutoring her, she'd actually become considerably worse. She couldn't help sticking her tongue out at his back, even if he had become her boyfriend at the beginning of the summer after their sixth year.

Harry wasn't much better. Half the time he was trying to show her how to catch the Snitch, he was either moping around or sighing and bowing his head. It was always "I miss Dumbledore" this and "I miss Sirius" that. Even worse was the other half of the time when he was angry. In which case it was "I hate Voldemort" that and "I hate Snape/Malfoy/any-and-every-Death-Eater" this. How annoying.

Even snogging with Ron didn't make her feel better. One minute she'd be trying to tell him about something she just read and the next he was shoving his tongue down her throat.

That and the fact that he was a horrible Quidditch instructor was probably why she ended it with him.

Now, a few things happened when Hermione broke up with Ron:

1. Ron cried like a little girl.

2. Ginny and Mrs. Weasley gave her nasty looks for the rest of the summer.

3. She didn't get to be a bride's maid at Bill and Fleur's wedding. (Not that she wanted to be one, really)

4. Harry kept giving her a hard time. (Between moping and going on rampages, that is.)

5. She was now single and lovin' it.

Of course, dinner at the Weasleys' was always a tad awkward.

"Can we have steak for dinner?" the newlywed Bill would always ask.

"But we had steak for dinner every night this week so far!" Ginny would whine.

"I'm not making steak again, Bill! Everyone's sick of it!" Mrs. Weasley would say, though she'd be in the kitchen preparing it for dinner the next minute.

Hermione, who had just recently become a vegetarian after considering animal rights (if it wasn't house elves, it was always something else), would sigh, thinking about all the dinners she'd been made to skip that week. It wasn't easy spending the summer with a kind-of-sort-of werewolf. Not to mention that full moons were a handful.

Halfway through dinner, after several awkward moments of dodging dirty looks, Harry's constant moping and rampaging, and Bill's unbashful drooling all over the steak, Ron would give Hermione a "you ruined my life, but I love you, so why don't you love me?" look, start crying, and then run up to his room, a moping/rampaging Harry following and calling him "ninny" and "you little girl".

As you can see, Hermione was not having the most pleasant of summers.

But a few days before Harry's birthday, Hermione's saviors came. Well at least for a bit. These saviors went by the names of Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom. Neville and Luna had decided to stay for a little bit to be with Harry, who was moping and rampaging any-time-any-place, so he was kinda easy to find. Of course, Harry and Ron completely ignored them, but Hermione was desperate for some sort of non-moping/rampaging/nasty-look-giving/psycho-steak-loving-kind-of-sort-of-werewolf human contact. Besides, Neville and Luna really weren't all that bad.

At least not at first.

"I'm thinking about teaching, after I finish with Hogwarts," Neville announced.

"Herbology?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah," he replied, with a hint of pride. "But I need some sort of practice, I think."

"You could teach first years Quidditch," Luna suggested.

Hermione and Neville stared at the sixth year Ravenclaw blankly.

"Think about it," Luna said. "You know how to play, even if you aren't on the team. And you'd get a lot of turn ups, seeing as, a) Hooch's classes never do anything, and b) you know Harry Potter. Mostly because of b). Besides, it would help them out. Who knows, it might even help some of them get onto the Quidditch team for their second year. You know, if the Smugnuffins don't eat them first."

"Smugnuffins?" Hermione asked skeptically.

"Oh," Luna began, "they're these little flesh eating bugs that live inside Quaffles. The Quibbler wrote all about them last month. One of our best issues ever."

Hermione, who still couldn't remember what exactly a Quaffle was, wanted to say, "I seriously doubt these 'Smugnuffins' are real," but didn't. Because with her luck, Harry would pass by right as she said "seriously doubt" and it would remind him of dead Sirius and then he'd start crying like a baby, which would get Ron going, which Hermione really didn't need right then.

"Alright. I'll do it," Neville said. "But...only if you help me out."

"Me? Help out with Quidditch?" Hermione thought to herself.

But, it doesn't really matter what Hermione was thinking, because Neville was talking to Luna, who dreamily replied, "I'd love to, Nevvypoo. Ooh! That rhymes!"

It was then that Luna and Neville fell in love and ruined everything for Hermione. So now that Hermione's two "saviors" had hooked up, they ignored her completely. She then went back to being a lonely, hated, ignored Hermione who for once wished she had stayed home with her parents.

And that is exactly why Hermione went home.

Granted, being home with her Muggle parents wasn't as interesting as being around constant nasty looks, moping/rampaging, crying, stupid romance, and guys obsessed with uncooked steak. But so what? Sometimes, boring is better.

Boring is still boring though. So Hermione decided to go to the local Muggle theater to see a movie. Nothing good was playing, but she didn't care. Seeing "Attack of the Robotic Mermaids from Mars" and "As The World Turns: The Movie," was much better than being around whining Ron, glaring Ginny, and sighing-crying-rampaging Harry.

Hermione sat down in the dark theater. The film she was seeing was a loosely based drama/comedy of some comic book with corny superheroes that she'd never heard of. She supposed it could've been worse.

"Excuse me, but do you mind if I sit here?"

Hermione looked up. A shy looking brunette with large, brown eyes was gesturing towards the seat next to Hermione.

"Sure. Go ahead," Hermione said.

The girl took the seat. "I'm Lauren," she introduced herself.

"I'm Hermione," she replied.

"I read a book with a character named Hermione once," Lauren said.

Hermione nodded. "So, do you know what this film's about?"

The girl shook her head. "No. Actually, it sounded pretty stupid to me."

Hermione smiled. "Me, too."

The two teens whispered, laughed, and made fun of the film throughout the whole thing. Well, not quite the whole thing, because they were kicked out for disturbing other viewers before the film was actually over.

"You wanna go get some lunch?" Lauren asked.

"Sure," Hermione said, as the two girls headed to a nearby McDonald's.

"You know, I hate McDonald's," Lauren said with distaste.

"Me, too," Hermione laughed.

"Oh well. At least their food is better than their advertisements."

Hermione, who didn't watch much televsion, didn't have the slightest clue as to what Lauren was talking about, but giggled anyway.

After they both got their food, she decided to ask a question. "So, what book had a character with my name?"

Lauren replied, "Oh, it was this book by some woman named J. K. Rowling about a wizarding school. It's called 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.'"

Hermione spat out her soda. "What?!"

"'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone,'" Lauren repeated. "See, there's this dorky kid named Harry, duh, whose parents were killed or whatever by this evil guy named Voldemort and..."

Hermione spat out her drink again. "Oh my god..."

"What?" Lauren asked.

"I need to go to the library right now!" Hermione said, jumping up.

Lauren, confused, said, "Here, we can take my car and I'll help you find the book. Though I really can't imagine why it would make you spit your soda out at me. Ick."

"Sorry," Hermione mumbled, rushing out the door with Lauren following closely.