The Marauder Monologues

SIRIUS BLACK: "Best Friends"

Don't misunderstand me. I always cared for our other friends. The Marauders, of course, all meant so much to me. Remus and Peter were like my brothers. And Lily, I always looked out for - and because I cared for Lily, I cared for her friends as well, Carline and Tatiana and whomever. But James was different. He was my best friend.

From the day we met on the Hogwarts Express, when we were laughing about Sariah shutting the door in my face and inviting Remus into our compartment and rescuing Lily and Peter from the bullies, I knew there was something about James that would draw people to him. I couldn't have identified it when we were young, maybe not even while he was alive. But now I've had much time to think about these things, these people. James was a good man.

Professor McGonagall was always after us to behave, but when we were horsing around we never really caused any harm, and James and I were two of the top students of the year. I was always a few points behind him, but I was just as smart. All of us were quite talented, really, except for Peter, but we always helped him along. I wondered why he was in Gryffindor - maybe, I joked with myself, because he was brave enough to admit he knew absolutely nothing about magic. But I wouldn't have said that to him.

James and I were always into something. Sometimes it was like we'd have the same thought, and look at each other, and know just what we were going to do. Other times, one of us would have a brilliant idea and let the other one in on it. Then there were the times we'd fight because we told each other the ugly truth - I told him he was making a mistake by not being with Lily, he told me I was wrong in leading Severus Snape to the Whomping Willow - things like that. That's what best friends are for, of course.

I remember the first time we got in trouble together - not even halfway into our first year. Remus was gone again, disappearing like he always was each month, and we got the bright idea that he was really just sneaking off around the castle this time. We were just awake in our beds, trying to talk quietly so we didn't wake the other guys in the room, and we got around to the subject of where in the school Remus could be hiding. Peter was snoring away, and we didn't wake him. We just got up and went out through the Fat Lady's portrait.

We'd never snuck out before - it was really exhilarating. We kept laughing and punching each other, then saying, "Shh! Shh! They'll hear you!" We didn't really think we'd get caught. First we were just walking around the school, not even going into classrooms, just trying to figure out where we were by the light of the full moon shining into the corridors through the windows. Then James tried the door to the History of Magic classroom...and it was open.

His hand was still on the doorknob - he had only pushed it open a few inches. He looked at me, his eyes wide behind those round glasses, a disbelieving grin cocked across his face. "What do you think, Sirius?" he whispered, never taking his eyes off me.

I remember exactly how I was, in those days. "Are you kidding?" I asked, full of the bravado that went everywhere with me. "Open it up, let's write our own History."

We laughed and swung the door wide open, very quickly so it wouldn't creak. The moon was shining directly in through the window, illuminating most of the classroom very well. Across the blackboard, we could read the notes that Professor Binns the ghost had written for the next day's lesson. First thing in the morning on Wednesdays, the first years had History of Magic. I knew the Gryffindors would get a kick out of seeing something...shall we say, out of the ordinary.

I picked up the chalk and read over the notes quickly. "In 1742, Brecca of Wagga Wagga was born. Brecca would later grow up to become the inventor of blah blah blah," I finished, not bothering to read the rest. "Pretty boring, huh, Mr. Potter?"

"Definitely," he agreed. "Spice it up, Mr. Black."

I wiped out parts of the sentence and filled it in with my own words, which read, 'In 345 B.C., Professor Binns was born. Binns would later grow up to become the world's most boring History of Magic Professor ever.'

"Excellent!" James laughed, slapping me on the back. He picked up another piece of chalk and changed a statement about Theodora, an empress of Byzantium, and her use of magic in helping her husband write Justinian's Code, to a statement about Severus Snape, a drag queen of Slytherin House, and his use of magic in making his hair as greasy as humanly possible. I personally got a kick out of that one - Snape was getting on my nerves something awful in our Double Potions class. As if staying in the dungeons for three hours a week wasn't bad enough, we had to do it with the Slytherins. Nasty bunch of gits.

We changed a few more of the notes, hid all of the books in the trapdoor we'd discovered beside one of the cabinets along the back wall (James had dropped his quill and I'd reached down to grab it from him, only to find my hand went right through the floor), and wrote a few things on the board like 'James is the best wizard in the world' and 'Sirius is Hott' just for kicks. Then we left the classroom, full of a rush of adrenaline, and foolishly went looking for another room to decorate.

In the boys' bathroom, we wrote, 'Severus Snape is a big-nosed, greasy-haired git' in invisible ink on the sink, so when anyone ran water they'd be able to see it on the porcelain. Then we decided to check out the girls' bathroom, just to see what it looked like. Hey, we were curious. But when we opened the door and a great, shrill shrieking began, we realized we'd picked exactly the wrong bathroom to explore.

It was the first-floor girls' bathroom. Moaning Myrtle's territory. When her first wails began ("Get out! Boys in my bathroom, aaauuuggghhh! Get out! Can't you leave me to haunt my toilet in peace?"), James and I jumped a foot in the air each and raced out of the bathroom - directly into a very sleepy Professor McGonagall.

Of course, she was wide awake after we realized whom we'd run into, and just how much trouble we were going to be in after this. She was wearing a fluffy red bathrobe, matching slippers, and a hairnet, and her sharp face was even sterner than usual. "Potter! Black! What on earth are you doing up at this time of night?"

"Er - well, we, ah--" Usually I could come up with a good excuse, but I was drawing a blank on this one.

"Professor McGonagall, we're awfully sorry," cut in James, and he did sound sorry. He had his hands clasped behind his back as he continued, "But earlier today, Lily Evans was telling us how she'd been in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, and Myrtle scared her so badly that she ran out and dropped a book on the way in there, and she wasn't sure when she'd get it back or if someone else would pick it up and not return it. So I thought I'd get it for her."

McGonagall's lips were pursed together tightly, her bright eyes under their spectacles glaring at us. "Yes. Marvelous story, Mr. Potter, except for the fact that it is two o'clock in the morning!" She shouted this last part a bit, but James never backed down.

"Yes, well..." He blushed and hung his head. "I wanted to surprise her tomorrow morning."

"You what?" she asked. I was rather curious to hear this tale myself.

"I wanted to surprise her. Give it back to her at breakfast or something."

"And why, Mr. Potter?" she sighed. "Why couldn't you and Mr. Black just have waited till tomorrow to give Miss Evans her little surprise?"

"Because, I'm, well, I'm rather fond of her," James muttered, still hanging his head.

"Excuse me?" the teacher repeated.

"I'm fond of her," James replied, louder this time. "And this book's kind of important to her, and I wanted to impress her and give it back. Sirius just came with me for reinforcement, please don't punish him."

Amazingly, a softer look crossed Professor McGonagall's face. I didn't think she knew how to smile, honestly. But she did. "I see." She sniffed a bit. "May I see the book, Mr. Potter?"

This is it, I thought. Oh, buddy, we're in trouble, we'll be in detention till the day we graduate. Your story was a little too convincing, James. Too bad we don't really have a book.

And I watched in utter astonishment as James held his hands out in front of him and presented a small, emerald green notebook to Professor McGonagall. It must have come from Flourish & Blots. The word 'DIARY' was written in big, gold letters on the front. "Lily's diary," was all he said.

Professor McGonagall took it in her hands, then immediately returned it to James. "That is very chivalrous of you, Mr. Potter. Miss Evans is lucky to have such a thoughtful young man as a friend."

James blushed again, saying, "Ah, thanks, Professor." I was still staring in shock.

"However," she went on, the stern note back in her voice, "chivalry does not compensate for breaking the rules. I shall have to take five points from Gryffindor and give you each a night of detention. You will report to me tomorrow during the afternoon break to receive your assignment." She must have seen the expression on my face and misread it, because she added, "Don't give me that look, Mr. Black, or I'll make it two nights. You may have been only the reinforcements, but you were still out of bed past lights out."

"Yes, Professor. Sorry," I managed to stutter.

"Now, back to bed, or else," she said threateningly. James and I turned to go back to the Gryffindor rooms. "Oh, and Mr. Potter -" she called. James looked back. "I hope Miss Evans appreciates her surprise."

James smiled. "Thanks, Professor," he called quietly, and then he and I resumed the trek to our tower.

When we were up several flights of stairs and around several corners, and I was sure Professor McGonagall could not hear us. I finally whispered, "Okay, James, where did you get that book from? Did you pull it out of thin air or something? I didn't know you could do conjuring spells--"

"No, Sirius," he said to me, beaming. "It really is Lily's diary. She said something about it to me earlier today, at lunch. I noticed it and picked it up right before Moaning Myrtle started screaming."

I had to stop and make a show out of shaking his hand. "Well, it was a fantastic story. The fastest cover-up I've ever seen. Now that's what they call grace under fire. You had the book and you ran with it. And what a story, being fond of Lily!" I laughed. "James, you're the greatest."

"Well..." James looked away, fingering the diary. "That's...well, that's sort of true too."

I stopped laughing, stunned again. "What?"

"Yeah." He looked up at me and nodded. "I just... I don't know. It's like, when I talk to her..." He shrugged. "I don't know."

I shook my head. "James, you never cease to amaze me."

He bowed. "Thank you, thank you."

"Yeah, well, I've still got a bone to pick with you. You didn't get us out of detention!" I playfully punched his shoulder.

"I didn't see you offering any stories!"

"It wasn't a story, you told her the truth!"

"What did you plan on doing, huh?"

We were laughing and racing each other up the stairs, all the way to the Fat Lady's portrait.

The next morning, at breakfast, James sat next to Lily and silently placed the green diary on her empty plate. She looked down at it and gasped, then hugged James tightly. "Oh, James, thank you!" she gushed. "I didn't know if I was going to get it back or if someone was going to pick it up and read it and - but you didn't read it, did you? When did you get it? Oh, thank you!"

"Wasn't just me," he said, returning the embrace. "Sirius helped. We picked it up last night."

"Last night? And you didn't get caught?" she asked in amazement.

"Well...yeah, we did get caught," I said sheepishly. "But James is such a charmer that Professor McGonagall's only giving us a detention for tonight."

She laughed gleefully. "You boys are something else. Terrors of the school!"

"That's us," I agreed. James and I did a high-five over the table, and she laughed again. I looked over at Remus's empty place, where he usually sat next to one of us at the table in the Great Hall for all of our meals. James caught my eye, looking at the same thing, and we shrugged. None of the other Marauders knew where Remus was this time. It was November, so that made it his third disappearance that year. But we didn't say anything about it right then.

The detention was far from bad - actually, Hagrid was in charge of us that night, and we were set to ridding his hut of the Cexler's Creeping Vines that had begun to take over the outside walls. Professor McGonagall told us the spell we'd need to "convince" the plants that they didn't really want to grow that much anymore, and James and I spent a few hours blasting plants and chatting with Hagrid, who was quite funny. I've always been fond of him, no matter what those Slytherins said.

We were busy joking about how much the class had enjoyed that morning's History of Magic lesson when I asked him about Lily again, just out of curiosity. I'll never forget what he said - I repeated this to him several times, actually, when I was trying to make a point about something. James stopped blasting the creepers and looked at me, and said very simply, "There's just something about her. I don't know what it is, but I'd like to find out. I just - well, she's terrific. It's like I know she's not like anyone else I'll ever meet." Then he laughed. "Yeah, I'm a loser."

"No, man," I disagreed, laughing half-heartedly. "No - that's great."

"Well, she'd never go out with me, anyway. Not that I really want a girlfriend now," he amended.

"Me neither," I added. It had been sort of a statement of coolness to wait to date girls - none of the first year boys were really getting much 'action,' as we termed it, anyway.

James nodded, and I figured he was just thinking, so I went back to the vines. Then, after a few moments, I heard him snickering. Looking over, he had blasted 'Sirius is a loser' into a pattern on the vines in foot-high letters. I pretended to glare at him and blasted, on my side, 'James loves Snape'.

Reading this, James squawked. "I do NOT love Snape!" he protested, aiming his wand at my side of the wall to get rid of the offensive message. I tried to do the same on his side, and we ended up shooting sparks out of our wands over each other's heads. When we were done and the letters were no longer visible, James gave me a good-natured shove. "Lunatic," he muttered, glancing over at the sunset.

"Righ' then, we nearly done 'ere?" Hagrid asked, lumbering over to where we were dutifully removing the creeping vines. "Tha's good, boys. Go on back up ter the castle, an' stay out of trouble from now on!"

"Stay out of trouble?" James repeated incredulously.

"But that castle's full of trouble waiting for us to explore!" I continued.

"That's what we're here for, Hagrid, don't you know that?" James added.

Hagrid must have liked our teasing, because he grinned at us through his shaggy black beard. "Alrigh' then. Stay inter trouble, but don' get caught."

We laughed and bid him farewell, returning to the castle.

Remus would always come back after a day's absence and we'd give him the notes, help catch him up on what he'd missed while he was visiting his mother, or whatever it was he was really doing. He was always very vague about where he'd been and what he'd been up to the day he was gone. James and I never pressed for information - Peter followed suit. Sometimes the three of us would debate his absences and whereabouts for hours on end, never telling him we were trying to guess what he'd been up to; sometimes we were so busy with other conquests we were unable to think of anything else.

A good deal of that year was spent trying to keep the bullies from the train, the Slytherin fifth years Zebedius Oates and Kirkman Kantorovitz, from beating up Peter again or making Lily's life miserable. There were a few times they stole her books from her when we weren't there, but we managed to get them back, or a teacher was nearby. Finally Lily got so fed up with it she punched Kirkman in the face and broke his nose, and they left her alone after that. I liked to tease her about her right hook afterwards, but we were proud of her. We were also glad we didn't have to fight those bullies much anymore, because after Lily's incident they didn't pick on Peter much either.

I suspected part of the reason Peter liked James and Remus and me so much was because we were bigger than him and quicker to pick up spells - we could teach him what he didn't understand, protect him from the bullies, do whatever to keep him from being completely walked on. Remus knew too, I guess, because there were times over the years that we'd be doing something for Peter and I'd get frustrated and look away, and somehow Remus and I would catch each other's eyes and sort of have a secret understanding about how ridiculous the situation was. James never said a word about it, though.

Our first year was good - a solid basis for the best years of our lives, I suppose. Our second year was when we found out about Remus and really began to call ourselves the Marauders. Third year was a lot of saving Peter and the girls from the bullies, who decided that it was their seventh year and they deserved a few kicks. Fourth year, we finally got close to becoming Animagi; that was also the year our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Evan Rosier, was fired for being convicted of consorting with Death Eaters. There was no proof that he was one then, but he had definitely been with some people who were, and Dumbledore had to let him go. Fifth year was the year of the Animagi and also the year Lily and James finally 'got together' - only five years later than they should have, I joked. In our sixth year James's mother passed away from an illness and we all had to start thinking about what we were going to do with our lives after school. And seventh year - everything happened. We graduated, Dumbledore formed the Order of the Phoenix, and Lily and James were married despite the deaths of Mr. Potter and Mr. and Mrs. Evans a month beforehand.

I'm not sure why I remember all this. I think I keep looking for clues as to why certain thing have happened, why we didn't notice what was going on with Peter beforehand, why the Order of the Phoenix was not as successful as Dumbledore had hoped. I look back and tell myself I should have realized it, should have stopped it, before Lily and James died. But I didn't, I failed - I know I failed, even though part of me asks how I could possibly have known. Even though Remus didn't know either - none of us did.

So we all failed the Potters, I guess. It was a damned shame. Lily was such a wonderful person, a good mother and devoted wife and brilliant witch and loving friend. She was one of the Order, too - decided she'd work with us more when Harry got a bit older. She was so smart. But James's death is always the one I feel the worst about. I should have done something for him. He was my best friend.