Terry Boot and the Masochist's Boulder

Dumbledore hadn't convinced Terry not to go looking for the Pool of Turbulence and the Mirror of Erised again, but he had such a short memory that he had forgotten how to get back down the corridor. Dumbledore had been counting on that, just how he had been counting on Minerva following him around on those particularly heavy boozing nights with moist towelettes and doggy bags.

A few days after the pool/mirror incident Terry was walking to the library to meet up with Lisa and Mandy on "boulder" business, when he spotted Neville Longbottom writhing uncontrollably on the floor.

"Ahhhh! Help me!" he was screaming, looking a lot like a beached whale. Terry noticed that a familiar blond boy was standing over Neville, chuckling madly, and rubbing his hands together in a definite "I am evil" type of way.

"That's Draco Malfoy," Terry thought, beaming. "He's my friend... but what is he doing to that fat kid?" Terry knew how it felt to be picked on, and he suddenly felt bad for Neville. He watched as Neville dragged himself away from Malfoy, and slowly inched his way down the corridor.

Terry, acting very out of character, did the first noble deed of his life. He hobbled up to Malfoy, raised his wand and yelled, 'Wingardium Leviosa!' Malfoy, only realizing Terry was there a few moments prior to the spell being cast, started laughing even louder. Yet, when the levitating spell hit him he was laughing no more.

Malfoy disappeared in a blink of flashing green light.

"Hope you enjoy your time in Italy, Malfoy," Terry said with a chuckle. "I hear it's beautiful this time of year." Never had Terry been so clever in his life, and never would he be again. It was only fitting that no one had seen or heard what had went down, and no one would ever believe him.

Anyway, this filler is just an excuse to skimp on the Quidditch scenes, which no one really pays attention to anyway, because we all know that no matter what happens, Gryffindor will win the house cup.

Terry did play Quidditch, and it was very...boring and...

They lost.

After the game, as the Ravenclaw house finished pelting their Quidditch team with rotten vegetables and rabid chocolate frogs, Terry joined Lisa and Mandy in the common room to talk to them about his experiences with the pool and the mirror, and to also catch up on any "boulder" news.

"I don't think anything is really going on," Mandy said, sipping a butterbeer carefully. She didn't want to end up like Terry...or Dumbledore. "Wouldn't we have heard something?"

"I don't know," Lisa said. "I was talking to Hermione Granger the other day, that friend of Harry Potter's, and she talked about all this research and snooping they had been doing to find out about Nicholas Flamel and the Sorcerer's Stone."

"I didn't know you were friends with Hermione," Terry told her.

"Well, not really, but has she got one huge motor mouth on her. She told me that the Sorting Hat had wanted to put her in Ravenclaw, and boy, am I glad that the Sorting Hat didn't. Talk about a close one."

"Maybe we should do some snooping," Terry told his friends. But they shook their heads.

"Terry, the last thing we want to do is get involved in business that is strictly for adults who know what they're doing. I mean, what help could three students offer in the fight against You-Know-Who?" Lisa told him.

"Right. I mean, Dumbledore is the greatest wizard of our time. He didn't get that way by falling for ruses and ignoring obvious signs of danger, now did he?" Mandy added.

"You guys are right," Terry said, getting up from his seat. "I think I'm going to go see Professor Kettleburn for a little bit."

"Okay," Lisa said, looking into the fireplace. "Have fun."

Terry headed out of the castle doors, and walked down to the rickety, old cabin on the edge of the Forbidden Forest. He knocked on the door, and it was soon opened by Professor Kettleburn.

"Terry!" he said, pulling the one legged boy into his house. "What a surprise! And have I got news for you."

"Oh?" Terry asked, as a cup of hot chocolate was thrust into his hands. "What is it?"

"You-Know-Who on the back of Professor Quirrell's head, that's what," Professor Kettleburn practically quivered with excitement. "Snape's after him now, in the forest, and I saw that Potter boy flying low over the trees, snooping."

"Lisa thought something like this would be happening," Terry told him.

"What? Potter spying on Snape?"

"No, You-Know-Who possessing one of the professors."

"Well, she is in Ravenclaw. They're supposed to be the smartest kids in the school."

"It kind of makes me wonder how I got in," Terry mused, looking downward at his stump. "I mean, crippled kids aren't usually top of their class, are they?"

"I don't really think there's a norm, Terry, although I can chalk my experience with crippled kids up to one...you! You don't really seem dumb, Terry, just blissfully ignorant. 'Ignorance is Bliss' and all that."

"Now it makes sense," Terry said. "Whenever I do something really stupid, Lisa says, 'Well, Terry, at least you must be really happy.', and she'll look a little envious. I always wondered what that meant."

"I'm glad I could help you on your road to discovery, Terry," Professor Kettleburn told him, patting him on his shoulder. "By the way, sorry about your Quidditch game."

"Quidditch game?" Terry asked.

"Shhh...don't talk about it too much," Professor Kettleburn quickly hushed Terry up. We don't need any of that in this story.

"Oh...right," Terry murmured. "Professor Kettleburn, can I ask you a question?"

"You mean besides that one?" he asked with a smile.

"Yes," Terry said, ignoring how heartwarming this scene was trying to become. "Did you notice any funny footprints outside your cabin after we left the last time?"

"You mean like polar bear prints?" he asked, catching on a little too quickly.

"Exactly!" Terry exclaimed. "Do you think they have anything to do with the Polar-Bear-Who-Could-Be-Named-But-Isn't?"

"Who?" Professor Kettleburn asked. "Are you talking about," here he dropped his voice to a whisper, "Lord Pullapart?"

"Who?" Terry asked.

"Well, the bear that took your leg. Dumbledore always called him 'Lord Pullapart'."

"Dumbledore?" Terry asked.

"Yes, well, in his finer days, before Harry Potter and kind of after Hagrid, there was a time when he was sober. Sober and intelligent. Then he went looking for you in the frozen tundra. It changed him, Terry, it changed him. Actually, it probably had more to do with Harry Potter, and less to do with you, but isn't that the case in everything."

"More about Lord Pullapart, please," Terry said.

"Good, Terry, good," Professor Kettleburn went on. "I like how you aren't scared of the name. It gives Pullapart less power over you, or more, I forget how that works out. At any rate, yes, Pullapart, he's here."

"What?!" Terry shouted, dropping his mug on the floor. "But...but why?"

"Well, I suspect that he's after you, Terry. Once a polar bear has a taste of you, he can't stop thinking about it. He needs to eat the rest, Terry, or he'll never be satisfied."

"But, he can't eat me! I'm...Terry! I'm a boy who needs to live."

"And I plan on helping you live, Terry. I don't want some polar bear eating one of my favorite students."

"Where would he be hiding?" Terry asked. "Where does a two ton polar bear live?"

"Anywhere he wants, Terry, anywhere he wants."

Terry thought about this for a moment. If he were a polar bear, what would he do? Go to the circus! No, no, not the circus. This was a polar bear bent and determined on world domination. No circus for Lord Pullapart. Maybe...

"My dormitory!" Terry shouted. He then realized that it had taken him an hour to work out everything in his head, and that, in fact, Professor Kettleburn was fast asleep.

"Say what?" Professor Kettleburn asked, sitting up in his chair.

"I bet he's hiding in my dormitory," Terry told Professor Kettleburn excitedly.

"Or," Professor Kettleburn began, "he could be that new rug Hagrid bought at a thrift sale and put in the Great Hall. Yeah, that's just crazy enough to be the truth."

"He what?!" Terry asked, stunned.

"I wouldn't be too worried, Terry. Pullapart's tacked up there pretty good, and he's about to be shellacked by Professor Flitwick," Professor Kettleburn added, taking a sip from his mug.

"That'll just make him angry," Terry commented, thinking how lucky he was that Nonny never tried to shellack him.

"True, but...what can you do?" Professor Kettleburn shrugged.

"Stop them!" Terry told Professor Kettleburn and with feeling.

"No, no, Terry. Just let the two legged people get on with things. I'll watch yer back for ye," he finished, falling back asleep.

Terry, a little more uncomfortable after his encounter with Professor Kettleburn, headed back up to the castle. Just inside the doors to the Great Hall, there He was. Lord Pullapart was hanging on the wall, smiling down at the students who were doing their homework or just chatting. When he noticed Terry, he gave one, slow, deliberate wink.

Thanking his lucky stars that Lord Pullapart wasn't powerful enough to resist Dumbledore and Hagrid, Terry went back up to the Ravenclaw common room...to forget promptly about everything he had been told, and everything he had seen.