Snape's Secret

Snape's Secret

By: Jenny_Black and Casey

"These damn curlers don't work! Why did Gilderoy give me these cheap muggle curlers? They don't work worth a damn!" Severus Snape said as he violently threw the pink curlers on the ground. "And he gave me Pantene Pro-V! I need head and shoulders...look at the dandruff I'm getting!" he said as he shook his head in front of a mirror and slowly, it looked as if snow was falling from Snape's greasy black hair.

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Harry and Ron sat in the Gryffindor Common Room in front of the fire. "I want some treacle tart, there was none at dinner. Maybe the house elves have some," Ron said licking his lips.

"Yeah...that sounds good right about now," Harry smiled as he got up, "I'm going to go up and get the invisibility cloak."

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"Damn it! What am I going to do with my hair? It's not flipping out at the ends like the Minerva likes!" Snape said as he took the last curler out of his hair and threw it across the room. He walked over to his private refrigerator and opened it. "And to make matters even worse! I am OUT of diet pumpkin juice! I will just have to go down to the kitchens and get some!" he said as he stamped his foot in frustration. 'Should I change into my usual so-last-winter black robes? No...no one will be out, I will just stay in my pink nightgown...maybe I will see Minerva!' he thought as he rubbed mud mask on his face. 'This should help from getting these nasty breakouts," he thought as he finished putting on the mud mask and headed to the door and put on his pink, fuzzy slippers.

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"Ron! Slow down! You're going to fall! Don't let your appetite get you!" Harry whispered as they walked up to the fruit painting and tickled the pear.

"Alleluia! Food!" Ron said as about a dozen house elves came to help them.

"May we help you? What would you like to eat?" said all the house elves at once.

"Ummm...yes, about 15 no...make it 30 treacle tarts," Ron said smiling licking his lips. "What did you want Harry?"

"Who are those 30 treacle tarts for?" Harry asked confused.

"Me! Of course..." Ron said with a disgusted look on his face.

"Are you planning to share those with anyone...say...Hermione, Fred, George, Seamus, Dean, or...hmmm...who else is there? Oh that's right! ME!?"

"First of all, Hermione wouldn't eat these because she thinks that they are made my 'slave labor'," Ron said rolling his eyes. "Second, Fred and George slipped a canary cream into my lunch last week. Third I am not all that good friends with Seamus. And you didn't tell me you wanted any..."

"Oh just never mind, we will just take 20 treacle tarts," Harry said.

"20!? Only? But I said 30!" Ron bellowed.

"Ron! You're not going to eat all of that!" Harry sighed.

"What are you talking about? I only had 3 helpings of dinner instead of my usual 4!" Ron said.

"Fine! 30! I bet you can't finish them before tomorrow," Harry said.

"Ok! What do you want to bet?" Ron asked.

"4 chocolate frogs!" Harry replied.

"Okay," Ron said.

"Okay, he will have 30 treacle tarts!" Harry told the nearest house elf.

Just as Harry said that, 2 house elves came up to them with a very large bag full of treacle tarts. "Can we go now?" Harry asked Ron as he turned and started to leave.

"Wait for me!" Ron screamed as he tried to carry the bag of treacle tarts, "You have the cloak!"

They were half way down the corridor when Ron suddenly realized that his shoe was untied. "Harry! Harry! Wait! My bloody shoe is untied!"

"Ron! Come on! It's bloody late and I want to get back to the common Room so I can get my 4 chocolate frogs!" Harry said as he kept walking.

"Harry! You don't want me to fall and cause attention, do you? You don't want Mrs. Norris to find us, do you?" Ron said.

"Fine, fine!" Harry said as he stopped as Ron put the bag of 30 treacle tarts down and started tying his shoes.

As Ron was tying his shoes, Harry thought, for a few moments, that he heard footsteps, and the faint sound of singing. "Ron, did you hear that?" Harry asked cautiously.

"Hear what?" Ron said, looking frustrated at his shoes.

"Nothing, I just thought I heard someone singing. What's taking you so long?" Harry asked.

"Something is wrong with my shoe laces!" Ron said trying to figure out what was wrong.

"Ron, are you 2 years old again? Or did you just forget how to tie your shoes again?" Harry sighed half laughing.

"Shut-up Harry! IT was only one time!" Ron replied.

Then, Harry looked down at Ron's shoes and immediately saw what was wrong. He rolled his eyes and sighed. "Ron, you're wearing your Velcro shoes today."

"So! That was what the problem was! I thought I lost my shoelaces!" Ron laughed as he got up. "Wait, what's that noise?"

"I told you I heard something!" Harry said.

"Well, I thought it was another Parseltongue thing, like it was last year!" Ron said as he grabbed the bag.

Suddenly, they heard someone singing the words:

She's so lucky, she's a star

But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart thinking,

If there's something, missing in my life,

Then why do these tears come at night?

"Wait a minute, I heard that song before!" Harry exclaimed as they stopped walking and moved and backed up to the wall.

"Is it by the Weird Sisters?" Ron asked.

"No...it's a muggle tune. By the muggle singer, Brittney Spears...something like that, I know because I hear Dudley listening to her CD all the time!" Harry whispered.

"CD?" Ron asked.

"Never mind, it's a muggle thing," Harry sighed.

Then, the sound of steps started getting louder. "One time, during the summer holidays, I sneaked downstairs in my cloak for a midnight snack. I passed Dudley's room and I saw something very disturbing...he was...never mind! No need to go there...we have to get out of here before she finds us," Harry said.

Then, heard someone say in a deep voice, "And here comes Lucky!"

Then, a pink and very mysterious figure turned the corner and struck a pose. It said, "Thank-you! Thank-you so much! It is still my 5^th award, but the feeling doesn't change! I still love all of my fans!" the pink figure said as he/she started blowing kisses in the air.

"Dudley likes her?" Ron asked.

"That's not her..." Harry said astonished.

"Well, who is it?" Ron asked.

"Oh no...Ron! Don't look! Cover your eyes! You'll be scarred for life!" Harry whispered as he tried to cover Ron's eyes. "You're too young to see this!"

"I'm not too young!" Ron whispered as he tried to see around Harry's hands.

"I don't think you want to see this!" Harry said.

Meanwhile, the pink mysterious figure was coming closer and the sound of its voice thanking its 'adoring' fans grew louder.

Ron was still tugging at Harry's hands, then, Harry finally gave up and moved his hands. "Finally!" Ron said as he looked at the pink figure...he took one look at it and grabbed Harry's hands and put it in front of his eyes again. "Dude! It's Snape! IN pink! IN fuzzy slippers! With a mask like my mum wears!"

"NO...no one listens to Harry! No! No! I don't know anything! You were too busy getting scarred for life!" he said sarcastically.

"Dude! Why didn't you tell me it was Snape?" he said as he started turning white.

Then, they turned their attention back to Snape who it seemed to be acting like he was on a muggle talk show.

"So, Lucky? Can you tell me what it feels like having won your 5^th award?" Snape asked in a deep voice, pretending to hold a muggle microphone.

Then, he quickly scurried off to the other side of the corridor and said in a high, feminine voice. "Well, Tom, it feels absolutely wonderful!"

Then, Snape quickly scurried back to the other side of the corridor and said in the same deep voice, "So, Lucky, can you tell me then, what it feels like to be the luckiest person in the world?"

Then, Snape rushed off to the other side of the corridor and said in the same high, feminine voice, "Well, Tom, I don't really think it matters what I feel. I think it matters most what the fans feel. What do you guys think?" he said looking at an imaginary crowd.

He scampered to a new spot and pretended to cheer at 'Lucky'. Then, he pretended to do the wave with one person. He got out his wand and started shooting little stars and started prancing around shooting little pink fireworks, hearts and different colored stars into the air. Then, he wrote 'LUCKY' in the air.

"This is way too much for me! I didn't need to see this!" Harry whispered, his eyes wide and skin pale.

Ron snickered at Harry's expression. Then, Snape stopped and said smiling, looking around, "Minerva! Are you following me again?"

"Dude! McGonagall is out here too! That's all we need...to see McGonagall in Snape's robes!" Ron whispered.

"I don't think McGonagall is out here," Harry said, looking scared.

"What do you mean?" Ron asked.

"I think he thinks that we're McGonagall!" Harry whispered.

Ron looked at Harry sideways and smiled evilly. Then, Harry realized that Ron, Fred, and George must have all inherited the same evil grin. "I see a window of opportunity, Harry."

"Ron, don't!" Harry whispered.

"Can you imagine the look on Fred and George's face when we tell them?" Ron whispered back.

"Ron...let's just go, NOW!" Harry said trying to pull him along.

"Yes, it's me Snapie-pie," Ron said in a high voice.

Harry turned around, with a shocked look on his face.

"Minnie! Are you following me again? Oh wait! Before you answer that, do you have any Head and Shoulders shampoo? The dandruff-fighting kind? Maybe some curlers?" Snape asked still looking around.

"No Snapie, but I'll order some tonight and give them to you before morning classes, in my office!" Ron said in the same high-pitched voice.

"Ron shut-up!" Harry whispered.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Sevi!" Ron said. He could barely control his laughter.

"Okay, I'll, see you tomorrow! Must be off to get my diet pumpkin juice and beauty sleep!" Snape said walking off.

"You don't need any beauty sleep, Sevi!" Ron yelled after him. He had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.

"OH you flatter me, Minerva!" Snape yelled, striking one more pose.

"Shake those hips! You go girl!" Ron yelled.

"Ron! That's enough!" Harry said.

"Shut-up! You sound like Hermione!" Ron said to Harry.

They took one last look at Snape who was now strutting down the hall. "You go girl!" yelled Ron.

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The next day, in Potions, Snape came in late and looking quite disappointed. He said, "Talk amongst yourselves, foolishly wave your wands, do silly incantations, I DON'T CARE!" he whined as he put his head in his hands and began to sob.

At the end of class, Hermione walked by Snape's desk and started singing:

"she's so lucky,

She's a star

But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart..."

"Are you feeling 'Lucky' today Hermione?" Ron asked walking by Snape's desk.

"How did you know Ron?" she asked as she exited the classroom.

"You go girl!" Ron yelled.

Then, Harry quickly walked by Snape's desk with his hand over his face and followed Ron and Hermione who could still be heard down the corridor singing.

As the last person exited, Snape closed the door and said, "No...couldn't be!" He shook his head and snow fell.