A Muggle's Worst Nightmare

Harry fumed as he stomped outside of the Dursley home and slammed the back door. He continued stomping until he reached the bench and sat down. He put his head in his hands and stared angrily at the tree in front of him. "What are you looking at?" He snarled at a squirrel. "I can't believe him!" Harry exclaimed.

The him in question was, of course, his Uncle Vernon. His cousin had blamed him for the mess in the kitchen, and the man had believed his son over that, that freak. Harry had gotten a full blown lecture and Uncle Vernon spit to boot, about everything they did for him, and that he was making his aunt work even harder and how they deserved more from him. He had added plenty of insults about wizards in general.

"Wish he could see how I'm treated in the wizarding world," Harry mumbled. "And how I don't deserve to be treated like cow dung."

Before long, his aunt was screeching for him to come inside and clean up the mess. "Like I would even eat that much," Harry said under his breath. "Yes, I'm coming, Aunt Petunia," he said louder, but politely.

"Help me get through this summer."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Harry trudged back up to his room, he saw Hedwig sitting patiently on the bed, having dropped off a letter for him.

Harry pounced on the letter excitedly, knowing it was from Ron or Hermione. Sure enough, it was from Ron.

Hey mate! Guess what! Dumbledore is letting you come! My mum had to talk to him three times before he agreed it was okay for you to come out here. We're picking you up tomorrow at 3. Don't worry, we won't be coming by Floo powder. We'll come the Muggle way.

Ron

Harry wondered about two seconds what Ron meant by the "Muggle way". Oh well. He didn't care. Just as long as the Weasleys picked him up. He sighed with relief. "I better pack up my stuff in the morning. I guess I'll let Uncle Vernon know tomorrow. There's nothing he can do about it anyway."

Harry turned out the lights and climbed into bed, taking off his glasses, not knowing what was going to happen the next day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Harry woke up the next morning by an alarm. "What the..." he murmured. "I don't have an alarm clock."

He reached over to the bedside table to pick up his glasses, but he didn't feel them. He opened his eyes to look for them. Problem was, he.didn't need them.

He was definitely NOT in his room. "Where am I?" Harry wondered out loud. He looked to his left. And what he saw made him scream. ~*~*

Harry's heart stopped. Lying next to him was his Aunt Petunia. His scream had woken her up, and now she was glancing tiredly up at him. "Vernon?" she said softly. "What's wrong, baby?"

To Harry's disgust, she reached out for him. Jumping out of bed, he quickly made up an excuse. "Nothing's wrong," he assured her shakily. As calmly as he could, he walked into the bathroom. He turned toward the mirror slowly, knowing what he was going to see, but nothing could prepare him. Staring back at him was his Uncle Vernon, the large face, the small eyes, the bushy mustache. "Oh.my.God," Harry said quietly, reaching up and touching his face. "What am I going to do? Uncle Vernon's gonna kill me!" Harry slid to the floor. "Oh no. If I'm him, than he's."

Vernon was having a much less uneventful morning at the moment. Slowly he woke up, and his first coherent thought was, "Did I wake up before my alarm?" before he noticed there was definitely something different about him. The bed was smaller, and HE was smaller! Vernon opened his eyes, but couldn't see a thing; everything was too blurry. He raised his hand to his hair in confusion and realized that didn't feel like HIS hair. It felt like.No. No no no no no no no. No way! Vernon scrambled out of the tiny bed and reached for the glasses on the table. The room came into focus, and he turned desperately toward the mirror. Staring back at him was a small, skinny boy of fifteen with black hair and green eyes.his nephew. His horrible, troublemaking, freak of a nephew. Vernon could only think of one thing to say:

"BOY!"

When Harry heard this, he got up off the floor. He opened the door and carefully stepped back into his uncle's bedroom.

"Vernon? What's going on?" Petunia mumbled.

"Don't worry, I'll.go see why that boy is making such a racket," Harry replied, thinking that sounded Uncle Vernonish enough.

Quickly he set off towards his room. When he got to the door, he stopped. "Okay," he said to himself. "Don't panic." Then he opened the door.

Inside, in front of the mirror, stood him.no, it was his uncle. "Harry" turned toward him, a look of fury in his eyes. "What the hell have you done boy?" Vernon bellowed.

Harry quickly shut the door. "Shhh!" he hissed. "Do you want Aunt Petunia and Dudley to hear?"

"I don't care!" Vernon replied back angrily. "Look at me!"

"Look at you? Look at me!" Harry yelled back just as angrily. "I don't even want to talk about who got the wrong end of the deal here, but I'm thinking it's not you."

"How dare you!" Vernon screeched back, with a lack of a better thing to say. "Fix this, NOW!"

"Um." Harry said hesitantly. "There's the problem."

"What do you mean, PROBLEM?!"

"I don't know how."

Vernon dropped his hands with exasperation. "Oh great. If you're going to be a freak, you might as well do it properly!"

Harry had had enough. "Be quiet and let me think," he replied coldly. 'Okay, Now what to do?' he wondered. 'Duh! I'll just tell Professor Dumbledore, he'll know what to do.' "I'll write to my headmaster," Harry told Vernon. "He can switch us back. But -"

"But?" Vernon urged.

"It might be a couple days, I don't know how long it'll take for him to -"

This was the end of the rope for Vernon. "You better get this crackpot over here immediately and get him to fix us NOW! I've had enough! How am I supposed to get any work done in this body? You certainly will not be going to Grunnings as me!"

Harry was about to reply when the door burst open. Dudley peered around the door curiously. "What's going on?" he said excitedly.

"Dudley, get out right now!" Vernon yelled at his son. Problem was, Dudley didn't exactly think it was his father. He stared at what he thought was his cousin.

"Oh yeah?" He snarled back. "What are you going to do about it if I don't?" He looked at his 'father.' "Tell him, Dad."

Harry looked at his cousin, seeing an amusing scene, but one look at his uncle, who looked like he was going to burst with fury, changed his mind. "Dudley, get out."

Dudley stared at his father's body. "But Dad -"

"NOW!"

Dudley closed the door with a sour look on his piggish face.

"Now," Vernon said, turning back to Harry, "Write, or whatever it is you do, to that headmaster of yours and get him over here!"

With those words, Harry remembered something that he was so excited about the night before. "Um, Uncle Vernon?"

"What now, boy?"

Harry hesitated. Vernon looked at him, and crossed his arms expectantly. "Well, it's just that."

"Just what?" Vernon replied impatiently, getting a bad feeling in his stomach.

"The Weasleys are supposed to pick me up today at three."

Harry winced and turned away, waiting for Vernon's reaction. When one didn't come, he turned cautiously back to himself. Vernon's mouth was dropped open and he was clutching his chest. "The...the...WHO?!"

"You remember..." Harry began uncomfortably.

"Of course I remember! How could I forget? They bloody blew up our living room!" Vernon roared.

"What do we do?" Harry asked.

"What are you asking me for? You're the one with the...connections to fix this!" After Vernon said this, the doorbell rang. Both males froze and stared at each other. They heard the door being opened and Dudley yelling, "DAD! IT'S MRS FIGG!"

Vernon headed out the door. "Where are you going?" Harry asked, disbelief in his voice.

"Where do you think I'm going? Didn't you hear? Mrs. Figg wants...oh," Vernon ended.

"Yeah. Excuse me," Harry pushed himself out of the doorway and as slowly as he could, headed down the stairs. He was so busy thinking about what Mrs. Figg could possibly want that he didn't notice that he had knocked somebody down the stairs. "Mrs. Figg! Oh, I'm so sorry about that!" He quickly ran down the rest of the stairs, with sawdust falling into the cupboard. "I really didn't mean to, you know that..." But to his disbelief, Mrs. Figg was chuckling.

"It's alright, Harry," she replied. "I remember the day when your cousin did the exact same thing."

"Oh thank yo-" Wait. "What did you call me?"

Mrs. Figg accepted the large hand Harry offered her and stood up, wiping down her pants. She lowered her voice. "It's okay. I know about you and your uncle."

Harry stared at her. "How?"

Mrs.Figg smiled. "Albus let me know this morning."

"Albus...how do you kn-"

"Oh Harry, we could play this game forever. Let me just tell you. I think by now you can guess that I'm a witch -"

"That explains a lot," Harry muttered.

"And I live on Privet Drive to watch over you," Mrs. Figg continued, pretending not to hear Harry. "Unless you want to hear everything, I suggest we go upstairs and explain what's going to happen to your uncle."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"WHAT?!?"

"Vernon, calm down -"

"WHAT?!?!"

"It's not so bad -"

"You - you - and him! AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THIS CAN'T BE FIXED!?!'

Mrs. Figg had had enough. "IF YOU'D LET ME FINISH, THEN YOU WOULD FIND OUT!" She brought out her wand and pointed it at him. "There. Now will you let me explain?"

Vernon shut up, staring at the pointed stick. "Thank you," Mrs. Figg sighed. "Now. As I was about to say," she said, glaring at Vernon, "was that it can't be fixed until you both learn a lesson. Apparently something decided to switch you two. You're just going to have to wait until you're switched back. That's what Severus told Dumbledore, anyway."

"Wait, wait wait." Now it was Harry's turn. "Severus? You mean Snape? And how long will we be stuck in like this?"

Mrs. Figg winced. "We don't really know for sure."

"WHAT?!?"

"This is just fantastic," Vernon fumed. "Stuck in this puny little body with those freaks!"

"Vernon? You are supposed to be acting like Harry, and that doesn't cut it."

Harry glared at his uncle. "Well, I've got Uncle Vernon down: I'M FAT, BALD, AND HUNGRY! Petunia, get me a beer!"

Mrs. Figg had to cough down her sniggers as Vernon stood up and walked over to Harry. "You'd better -" he began, but then Harry stood up. "Yes, Uncle Vernon?" He replied sweetly. Vernon sat down again.

"Thought so," Harry mumbled under his breath.

"Harry?" Mrs. Figg asked, still trying not to laugh. "When are the Weasleys coming over?"

"Erm..." Harry glanced at his watch. "Any minute n -"

Harry was caught off as he heard a squeal and thundering. He smiled brightly. "They're here!"

Vernon closed his eyes. "Come on," Mrs. Figg prodded, grabbing him by the arm. "You have company." She winked at Harry as Vernon was whisked out of the room. Harry followed close behind.

There in the hallway stood four Weasleys: Arthur, Ron...and FRED AND GEORGE? What were they thinking?

"Hey mate!" Ron exclaimed to Vernon. He grinned.

"Hey," Vernon said weakly back to him, forcing a smile. Harry saw Arthur giving the twins an odd look.

"Hey Harry!" Fred said, throwing an arm around Vernon's shoulders. In a whisper, he said, "Thanks for what you gave us in the train. You wanna see what we've done with it?" Vernon had about two seconds to wonder what in God's green earth did his nephew do, when George came up on Vernon's other side. "Yeah, Harry, have we got something to show you!"