The Road Trip

Chapter Five - Night Two: Music, Letters, and Making It Better

"Hermione? Hermione, wake up."

I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. When did I get outside? I wondered. It was then I remembered that morning - almost kissing Harry, the talk with Lavender, walking out after Harry looked at me strangely, then falling asleep here under the tree in the yard. I looked up and squinted against the sun. There was a light breeze blowing and I heard the chimes hanging from the back window, a sound like little bells.

"Hermione?"

I shook my head. "Yes," I said groggily sitting up straight. "I'm awake," I looked up, "Neville." I tried not to sound disappointed, but I was hoping to see Harry...actually, no - come to think of it, I didn't want to see Harry. We would be sitting awkwardly not knowing what to say, not wanting to say anything about that morning, and...it just would have been bad.

Neville grinned and sat down next to me. "Don't sound so happy to see me," he said, but I could tell he was kidding. "Thought I was someone else?"

I shrugged. "Who else would I be looking for?" Stupid question, but I didn't feel like talking at the moment. I wanted to go back to sleep.

"Who else?" At my blank expression, he sighed exasperatedly. "Harry!"

"Oh right - him." I sighed. "Well, as nice as it would be to chat with him, I would much rather be sleeping at the moment."

I went to get up, but Neville pulled on my arm. "Wait a second," he said. "Stay just for just a minute."

I sat back down and looked at my watch. "You have sixty seconds Longbottom, so make them count. Then, I'm going to my room, shutting the door, and going to bed. I barely slept at all last night."

"I know - and I also know why." My face fell. I couldn't believe Lavender - she told him! She probably told Ron...and Harry - Merlin, I hoped she didn't tell Harry. That is if he didn't hear me screaming - I was yelling so loud, I'm surprised they didn't hear me in Bosnia. "Hermione," Neville continued, "You have to talk to him."

"I don't want to talk to him!" I said adamantly. Why didn't anyone understand - I did not want to talk to him, I did not want to tell him anything, and I sure as hell was not going to tell him that I loved him! "I - I would say or do something I'd regret, and then I'd just scare him off. Neville, I can't lose him. If I tell him, it'll just - "

"Ruin your friendship?" Neville said arching his eyebrow. "Funny - you were ranting this morning about Harry saying the same thing to you." I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I dimly registered that he said that he heard me yelling, thus inadvertently telling me that Harry had heard as well, but I wasn't thinking about that now. I was thinking about what he said next. Neville stood up and turned to me. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he said, "If you don't say anything because you're scared, then you're no better then him. I've never known you to be a hypocrite Hermione. Don't make me change my opinion of you now." With that, Neville turned and walked towards the house, leaving me to focus on what he just told me.

He was right - I was a hypocrite. I was doing the exact same thing I was complaining about Harry doing - I was holding everything back because I was scared. How could I almost say that I didn't want to ruin our friendship? I'm just as bad as him, I thought. I dozed off again, resolving to talk to him. But after a nap - I was too tired to think and I wanted to do this right. I didn't want to say anything that I would be sorry for later - but I had to tell him something. Anything that would make things at least somewhat right again.

When I woke up later, it was almost dark. The sky was a deep purple and the first stars were poking through. I stretched and looked down, confused. Sometime while I was sleeping, someone draped a blanket over me. I shrugged and looked toward the house, not looking forward to going back in there and talking to a certain person. A certain person who had messy black hair and the deepest emerald green eyes I'd ever seen...shaking myself, I folded the blanket and something fell out of it. It was a note. I picked it up and read it to myself.

Hermione,

I know you're probably just waking up and the last thing you want to see is a note from anyone, but I felt that I needed to say something to you - anything actually - before Lavender, Neville and I went out for the night.

'Mione - (I glared at the paper - how many times did I have to tell him not to call me that before he got it through his thick, red-headed skull?) Lavender spoke to me. (My heart plummeted to the floor. I was going to kill Lavender Amber Brown as soon as she showed her face tonight.) I'm sorry - well, about everything I guess. I never meant to hurt you, even though I'm sure what you feel for me pales in comparison to whatever it is you're feeling for Harry. She told me you said that you're in love with him - believe me when I say you HAVE to talk to him. You didn't hear what he had to say to me and Neville. I don't know what else to tell you besides TALK TO HIM. NOW. I know I'm not the most serious person in the world, but I am serious about this. I hate seeing you upset, and you and Harry upset together - I can't take the drama!

Do yourself a favor - hell, do all of us a favor and move your sorry self into the house right now and talk to the boy. It won't hurt and it certainly won't ruin your friendship. (Did you really almost say that? Merlin's beard Hermione, you two are more alike then you know.)

Love you - and good luck although I promise, you won't need it,

Ron

With a soft little half laugh-half sob, I folded the letter and shoved it in my pocket. With a wary glance at the balcony, I headed into the house. I was holding the blanket so tightly in my hands that my knuckles were white.

Harry wasn't in the livingroom. In fact, he wasn't in the house at all. There was a plate on the counter with two slices of pizza, a glass of soda, and a note.

Hermione,

Eat something - I'm sure you're hungry. Then come outside on the balcony. We need to talk.

~ Harry

I sat down on a stool and took a bite out of the pizza. The house was way too quiet for my taste. I reached over and turned on the stereo next to the wall and played the first c.d. It was one my cousin from the states sent to me, a Michelle something or other. It was pretty good. I kept it on shuffle - it was fun not knowing what was coming next. There was always a surprise.

The first song I recognized almost immediately as my cousin's favorite. I tapped my fingers in time with the slow ballad, eating the pizza as slow as humanly possible, delaying the inevitable.

Every time I feel alone
I can blame it on you
And I do
You got me like a loaded gun
Golden sun, and sky so blue

We both know
And we won't let it
And we both want
You left me no choice

You just bring me down
So I'm counting the tears
Till I get over you...

When I listened to the words, really listened to the words, I reached over to pause the song. I did not need to hear that right now - I knew what my situation was. I didn't need some singer to tell me, thanks so much. Usually, music was my sanctuary. It helped me think, it calmed me down. The music always fit my mood - slow and angsty if I was sad, fast and bass-heavy if I was especially mad or frustrated - "angry chick music" my cousin called it once. But not tonight - tonight was different. I needed something the exact opposite of my mood.

Hoping that the next song would be a little less upsetting, I pressed the fast-forward button and received exactly what I was looking for - something not incredibly happy, but much more up-beat and calming.

Well you sold my heart
And I'll get it back
But look me in the eye, baby
Tell me why do you love me like that
Why do you love me like that?

Well I've walked this world
Thought time's no more
And after all this walking
They've still got me crawling on the floor
Crawling on the floor

And out of this world
Keep on turning
Keeps me yearning...

If I were really paying attention to the lyrics, I would have turned the music off altogether. But I wasn't listening. I'd finished the pizza, gulped down the last of the soda and stood up. Taking a deep breath, I headed for the livingroom.

I opened the door quietly and stepped out onto the balcony. Harry was standing with his back to me. He was leaning on the railing, his hair blown by the light breeze. He looked...well, amazing to say the least. Harry looked up suddenly as if he were expecting me at that very moment and I shivered. The look he was giving me pierced my heart and I wanted nothing more then to run back to my room, crawl under the covers and never come out.

Harry must have assumed I was shivering because I was cold. He pulled off his sweater - an old Quidditch one that Ron bought him in Hogsmeade when he made captain our Seventh Year - and draped it over my shoulders. I pulled it over my head and crossed my arms. The thing was about two sizes too big for me, but it smelled like Harry and it was comforting for reasons I have yet to figure out.

"So," he said.

"Yeah," I answered, shifting my feet uncomfortably. There was an awkward period of silence broken only by the sound of the breeze and the occasional owl.

"If we're going to talk," Harry said suddenly, "Then someone should - I don't know - talk."

I nodded. I wanted to get this conversation started, so I tried to begin with something easy. "Did Lavender - did she talk to you? At all?"

"I'd be lying if I said that she didn't," Harry said looking out over the railing.

His lack of a full answer worried me. I thought it was an easy question - he seemed to think differently. "What -," I swallowed, "What did she say?"

"Nothing I didn't hear you yelling about," he said, turning to face me.

My heart was beating wildly in my chest. I felt caught like a fly in a web I'd created myself. "You heard?" I asked weakly, dreading his answer, though I already knew what he was going to say.

"Every word," Harry said stepping toward me. I squashed the urge to take a step back or better yet, speed back into the house and hide where he wouldn't find me. "But what I don't understand is - why didn't you tell me?"

"How could I?" I asked finally meeting his gaze. The look in his eyes had softened and I wanted to cling to him and cry. "I didn't want to ruin - "

"Our friendship?" Harry said with a small, sad - why is he sad - smile. "Bit hypocritical, don't you think?"

"No no -it's not like that," I said quickly. At his look of disbelief I sighed loudly. "Okay, so maybe it is like that, but that's not what I was going to say."

"What were you going to say then?" He asked taking a step back.

"If you would stop asking questions, I could tell you," I said, teeth clenched. Why did he insist on being so annoying all of a sudden? "I was going to say that I didn't want to ruin your relationship with Annie."

Harry was looking at me like I was crazy and I didn't appreciate the shock in his gaze. I glared. "It's the truth, so if you don't believe me - "

"You don't get it do you?" Harry said quietly, his voice sounding less calm and almost a little desperate. What is he so desperate about? Get what? At my apparent look of confusion, Harry turned around and took a few steps away from me. "I don't love her," he whispered, so quietly I barely heard him, "Not even the slightest bit. I'm not - falling in love with her either, as you were so fast to point out this morning." I had the good grace to blush - I had said that, hadn't I? How could I have been so loud and assume he hadn't been able to hear? "I'm - I'm just a bit in love with someone else," he said turning toward me.

I swallowed. If he was saying what I thought he was saying...no, he couldn't be...could he? "You- you are?" I said softly. He was moving toward me and I kept talking. "But you didn't - I mean, you should have - what I mean to say is - " Harry put a finger to my lips and my rambling ceased. He removed his finger and was so silent for so long, it was unnerving

"Harry," I said desperately, "Please, say something. Please Harry, you can't - " And he kissed me. He kissed me, I realized suddenly. It was a soft, sweet kiss, the kind you give when you love someone so much you don't know how to show it, so you kiss them hoping it expresses everything you want to say. He was telling me he loved me in the only way he knew how - nonverbally, in a way I could understand.

Harry pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine, eyes still closed. "I'm just a bit in love with you, Hermione," he said. He opened his eyes and smiled that smile that made my knees go weak. "And you have Ron to thank for making me see it, after all this time."

"Ron?" I asked, confused. That's when I realized it - the talk this morning in Ron's room. I looked at Harry and smiled. "What went on down there anyway?"

"You mean no one's told you? That's odd - Lavender told us everything."

I snorted. I knew Lavender had a big mouth. "And this shocks you...why?" Harry grinned and I added teasingly, "Well, you know everything I said."

"Yes, I could hear every word from down the stairs."

"So it's only fair," I said a bit louder pulling away from him and leaning back against the railing, "That you tell me what went on with you, Ron and Neville." Harry was about to protest, but I beat him to the punch. Giving him a taste of his own medicine, I gave him a kiss, soft and teasing on the mouth. "Fair is fair Potter," I said with a smug look on my face putting my arms around his neck.

Harry grinned. "Indeed it is Granger," he said, giving me another quick kiss. "Indeed it is." He sat down on the lounge chair and pulled me onto his lap. I laid my head back on his chest and intertwined my hand with his. "So, what do you want to know?"

"Well, you know everything - it would only be fair if I knew everything as well," I said looking up at him.

"Very well then," he said, a bit hesitant. I squeezed his hand urging him on. "Well - here it goes.

So, Neville steered me and Ron out of the room and refused to explain himself until we were safely in Ron's room with the door closed..."

~* Flashback *~

Neville shut the door and walked over to Ron who was still complaining. "Neville, what in Merlin's name - "

"You," Neville said pointing to Harry, who for all the world had no idea what was going on and was still too busy thinking about his almost kiss with his best friend to care. "You, my good friend, have a world of explaining to do."

"What are you talking about Neville?" Ron asked, suddenly forgetting about his hunger.

"I'm talking about our friend here almost kissing our other friend this morning while he thought everyone else was asleep."

Ron looked at Harry, disbelieving. "You - you almost did what? Harry, tell me you did not almost kiss Hermione?"

Harry didn't say anything. He wouldn't deny it - couldn't deny it. He had almost kissed Hermione. And if Ron hadn't made so much noise, I would have succeeded... "Okay. I won't." He turned to Neville. "Wait a second - how do you know-"

"Lavender and I weren't as asleep as you think. We saw the whole thing from the loft. You'd better get to explaining Potter, because-"

"- falling in love with her - "

Neville stopped short as Hermione's voice started rising. They could hear almost ever word until she shouted, "Damnit! "Why couldn't he just act on his feelings? Why did he have to be so fucking worried about what would happen if we broke up?" As they listened to the rest of her rant, Ron looked at Harry. His gaze was cast down at his hands, a guilty and pained look in his eyes.

"- and - god damnit I HATE him sometimes!" There was a period of silence that followed, broken only by the sound of Hermione crying from upstairs.

Neville turned to Harry, shock evident on his face. "Harry - are you alright?"

Harry swallowed. "I really hurt her didn't I?" he said putting his face in his hands.

"I think you did," Ron said quietly. "But Harry - you told me that you had feelings for her, strong feelings to say the very least - "

"I love her," Harry said quietly, and Ron stopped talking.

"You - you what?" Ron asked, squinting his eyes at Harry. "I'm not quite sure I heard right. I could have sworn you just said that - "

"I love her. You heard me right. I'm in love with Hermione. I don't have any feelings beyond a crush for Annie, but Hermione - I love her so much, and I fucked up any chance I had with her."

Ron sat down next to Harry and Neville sat down on his other side. "Harry - Hermione loves you. You love Hermione. Do yourself a favor and tell her how you feel. You won't ruin your friendship with her. If anything, it'll make your relationship stronger."

Harry turned to Ron with a small smile. "I never thought I'd see the day that you were the voice of reason."

Ron laughed. "Well, there's a first time for everything I suppose."

Harry laughed and Neville got up and went to the door. "You ready?" He asked Harry as he opened the door.

"I think I am," Harry said firmly and followed Neville out the door. Ron clapped him on the shoulder and gave him an encouraging look as they made their way up the stairs.

~* End Flashback *~

"...and the rest you know. I saw you and - I don't know. Something inside me made me realize that me and Annie, our relationship - it was all wrong." Harry shifted so that I was facing him and he put a finger under my chin. "I should be with you. I love you Hermione."

My eyes filled with tears. I couldn't believe it - he loved me. He really loved me. At that moment, it was only me and him under the stars and I couldn't help but throw my arms around him as he leaned down to kiss me. Everything was just as it should be.

Harry pulled away. We just looked at each other, the only people in the world. He kissed me again - and wow, what a kiss it was - and now, I was in his arms, happier then I'd been for months. "What are we going to tell everyone else?" I asked, running a finger down his cheek.

Harry smiled. "Nothing.I want you to be my little secret for a while. We can tell them later."

I nodded with a smile. "Okay," I said. I was too blissfully peaceful to argue. He loves me back, I thought with a sigh of contentment. It all felt like a dream, like I was still asleep under the Cottonwoodtree and was bound to wake up at any moment. But I knew this wasn't a fantasy - it was real. This was all real.

"I love you," he said for the second time that night. I would never get tired of hearing him say that.

"I love you too," I said and he as he leaned down to kiss me, I knew that this was right - it was perfection. I felt complete.

Who knew that Ron could have been so right for once?