The Road Trip

Chapter Four - Day Two: Emotions in Motion

Harry was wide awake by the time I came upstairs the next morning. It was only eight and I had barely slept an hour. Lack of sleep was beginning to give me a terrible headache and I plopped down on one of the stools at the kitchen counter and buried my head in my hands.

"Rough night?" Harry asked. I could see him smirking from the corner of my eye.

Too tired to retort, I merely mumbled, "Coffee, sugar," I groaned as the light hit my eyes, "and maybe some aspirin."

Harry poured a cup of coffee and set it down in front of me. I sat up and took a long sip, closing my eyes. "So tired," I mumbled.

"Maybe you shouldn't be out on the balcony in the middle of the night then," Harry said putting butter on his toast.

I nearly dropped my mug. How did he know that I was out on the balcony that night? He was supposed to be asleep! My heart thumped in my chest and I swallowed another sip of coffee before turning to Harry. "I thought you were sleeping," I said. It was the only response I could think of without asking whether or not he had seen me out there, watched me cry...I didn't want to know, nor did I want him to worry because there was nothing he could do about it anyway.

"I was," he said quickly. I quirked my eyebrow and he added, "I just...happened to see you go back to your room this morning. I was up at the crack of dawn myself."

I just nodded and took yet another gulp of the coffee, the liquid burning it's way down my throat. "So," I cleared my throat - it was dry and I was finding it hard to speak without giving myself away. "So - did you sleep well?"

Harry shrugged taking a bite out of his breakfast. "As well as one could on a couch I suppose. The bed didn't want to fold out - "

"Oh! Right - I forgot to tell you about the latch!" I said, mentally kicking myself - the poor guy had slept on a hard, uncomfortable couch all night while I was in a room with a comfortable bed I hadn't even used - the irony of it all. I beckoned Harry to follow and watch as I showed him how to pull the mattress out. "You know," I said moving the cushions, "why don't you take the bed downstairs? I don't seem to be getting much use out of it - ow!" I groaned as I rose up from the squatting position I was in and sank down on the couch.

"What's the matter?" Harry asked sitting down next to me.

"I got up too fast - now I'm dizzy." I pointed to the kitchen and turned to Harry. "There's a bunch of potions in that cupboard over there. Could you pull out the one -"

"For headaches?" Harry asked finishing my sentence. He was always able to do that. It was almost as if he could read my mind. Ron could never do that, but Harry was constantly finishing my sentences, voicing my thoughts before I even got a chance to speak for myself.

I nodded. "Sure," he said, rising. My gaze followed him into the kitchen and I mentally kicked myself. I was getting myself worked up over nothing. It wasn't my fault though. You can't tell your heart what to feel, although sometimes, I wish that I could as it would make my life so much easier.

Harry came back into the room and handed me the little vial of purplish liquid. I swallowed it with a grimace and felt the tingling in my head instantly, a sign that it was working. I laid my head back - I hated this part. My stomach always hurt after the potion worked and then I had a ravenous appetite.

Harry sat down next to me and put his hand on my arm. I opened my eyes and looked at him and saw a familiar gleam in them. But that meant that...no, it was impossible. Harry James Potter was hopelessly devoted to Annie Caraway. It was fruitless to even think that there was a chance that he had feelings for...no, the idea was ludicrous. Quit it while you're ahead Hermione. "What?" I asked.

"Sit up," he said pulling lightly on my arm.

"Why?"

"Just sit up," Harry said, laughter in his voice. I looked at him suspiciously but followed his command nonetheless. He turned me around so that my back was to him and he started playing with my hair and rubbing my temples, something he always did when he knew that I was upset. I sighed and leaned back into him closing my eyes, trying not to enjoy things too much.

When his hands started massaging my neck and shoulders, I tensed slightly. Harry noticed and whispered, "Relax," right next to my ear.

"I can't," I said, and it was the truth. If I relaxed, I would do something I would regret, and I didn't want to do anything at the moment but enjoy being in Harry's arms.

Harry continued gently pressing down on my shoulders. As his hands moved to my lower back, I only got tenser. What was supposed to be making me feel better was just making me feel dazed and confused. He was making me want to do things one should not want to do with their best friend - their taken best friend at that.

"Hermione, look at me." I turned around and cast my eyes down at his hands. He tilted my chin up and when I looked into his eyes, I felt my resolve shatter like glass. "What's wrong?"

"I - " I swallowed, "I just -" I became intensely aware of how close my face was to his. If I moved just an inch closer...

I could see his throat working as he moved closer to - wait a minute - why was he moving closer to me? "You just what?" he asked, his lips a hairsbreadth away from mine.

"I just want to - "

I was cut off by a loud banging on the stairs. The two of us sprang apart as if electrocuted in our seats. I looked towards the source of the noise and saw Ron clambering up the stairs rubbing the back of his head. "Stupid wall," he grumbled.

"Morning Ron!" Lavender called from over the rail in the loft. I looked up and she and Neville waved cheerfully at me. I smiled but inside I was worried - how long had she been awake? Had she seen what just transpired downstairs between Harry and me? Would she say anything even if she had? I prayed to any deity that would listen that she hadn't seen anything.

Neville walked down the stairs and poured himself a cup of coffee. He clapped Harry on the back and said, "Harry, you got a minute? I need to ask you and Ron a question." He glanced at me, still sitting on the couch, and Lavender who had just poured herself a bowl of cereal. "Privately," he added steering both Harry and Ron toward the stairs and down to Ron's room. Ron protested the whole way, "But I'm hungry!" Neville threw a significant glance at Lavender who seemed to nod minutely while taking a sip of her coffee.

I heard the door shut downstairs and that's when Lavender picked up her bowl and walked over to me, sitting down on the couch. "So," Lavender said.

I played with my hands in my lap. "So what?" The only thought running through my head was please say she didn't see...

Lavender put her bowl down on the table next to her and leaned back crossing her arms over her chest. "You know perfectly well what Hermione Elizabeth Granger," she said sternly.

"No-no I don't," I said, cursing my nervous stutter.

Lavender smirked. "Fine - let me clue you in then. You. Harry. Here. This morning. What in Merlin's name was that all about?"

She saw us...oh shit...My mind was reeling and I shook my head finally giving in. "I wish I knew Lav. I really wish I knew. I mean, one minute he was just trying to make me feel better and the next minute we were..."

"Kissing?" Lavender offered.

"Almost kissing," I corrected her, mumbling "Unfortunately," under my breath.

To my chagrin, Lavender heard and smiled. "Unfortunately?"

There was a short period of silence while I debated how much to tell her. The only person that knew the full story was Ginny. Lavender was known to have a big mouth when her closest friends were concerned, but I needed to get this off my chest, and at the moment, if Neville, Ron, and Harry found out, then so be it.

I launched into a long, drawn out story and told her everything from my crush on Ron dating back to the middle of Sixth Year and my crush on Harry which had only truly developed after Justin broke up with me. I told her how my feelings for Ron were dwindling to a point where I barely felt anything for him anymore, but what I did feel was annoying the hell out of me. She already knew about what transpired in the Astronomy Tower, as well as our fight together, so I skipped those events and cut straight to the point. "I love him Lavender. I love him so much and it scares me and I don't know - "

"Wait a minute, wait a minute - back up." Lavender shifted and leaned toward me. "Did you just say that you love him?"

I sighed. "Yes Lav - I love him. I am in love with my best friend, Harry Potter, and he is falling in love with Annie Caraway and wants nothing to do with me, at least not in a relationship sense because... "

"He doesn't want to ruin your friendship," she said with me. "I know." Lavender shook her head. "Hermione, listen to me. Harry may be falling in love with Annie, but who's to say that he doesn't already love you? So he said he doesn't want to ruin your friendship. That doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't harbor any feelings for you beyond friendship."

"But that's what makes it hurt so much Lavender," I said and my voice was shaking as my eyes welled up with tears I didn't want to let fell. I hated crying in front of people, but at the moment, I wanted nothing more then to curl up in a ball and sob my pain away. "He may...love me, even just a little bit, and he won't act on it because I'm his best friend and he doesn't want to lose that. Damnit!" I was yelling now. "Why couldn't he just act on his feelings? Why did he have to be so fucking worried about what would happen if we broke up?"

I could see the shock on Lavender's face - I rarely yelled and never cursed. This was a first for her, but I didn't care. I let it all out. "He was just too scared, but too self-righteous to admit it! So instead he feeds me this bullshit story about our friendship and goes on with his life while I'm tearing apart inside. And then - and this is the top, let me tell you - I help him get a girlfriend. And what does he do in return? He flirts with me all the time and makes me think that he has feelings for me but then - THEN - when she's around, he acts like I'm nothing more then a friend and leaves me in the dust completely confused and - god damnit I HATE him sometimes!" There it was - everything I had been feeling for months laid bare in my parents' summer home in front of someone who I never thought I would tell any of it. Irony bites.

Now that I had stopped yelling, I was free to just cry, and I sunk back down onto the couch and buried my face in my hands. Lavender touched my shoulder. "Does he know any of this?"

I shook my head. "No - nothing. He knows I still like him, but that's the extent of it. I mean, I've been...at least semi-okay until this weekend. The flirting, the touching, and then this morning...I don't know what came over me. I almost kissed him Lav."

"From what I saw, he almost kissed you," Lavender said, rubbing my arm soothingly.

I groaned and sat up wiping my eyes. "Don't remind me. I'm just as confused as the next person about that." I glanced toward the stairs. I already knew the answer to the question, but I asked anyway. "Is Neville talking to Harry about all this?"

"Yes. We saw Ron coming up the stairs before you heard him and we both decided to talk to you two. We figured it was only fair if Ron was in the mix considering he would be the only one left out." I heard the door downstairs creak open and Lavender glanced at the stairs and then back at me. She squeezed my arm. "Are you going to be okay?"

I nodded and managed to smile. "Yes. I'll be fine - promise."

"Okay." Lavender smiled and went to meet Neville at the stairs. "Everything alright down there?"

"Yeah - everything's fine," Neville said coming up the stairs and starting to make him and Ron breakfast. Unless it was my imagination - and I'm sure it wasn't - Harry was looking at me very strangely. I squirmed in my seat under his gaze before standing up. "I'm going to go take a walk. I'll be back in a few minutes." Before anyone could protest or follow, I walked out the door and proceeded to the yard behind the house. In the center, there was an old Cottonwood tree my grandparents had planted years before. I sat down under it and closed my eyes, promptly falling asleep.

A/N: You WILL see the conversation between Harry, Neville and Ron, I promise. I'm writing it as a flashback in the next chapter that Harry is telling Hermione about - it's the only way I can write it from Hermione's POV.