The Road Trip

Chapter Three - Night One: Stumbling and Wondering

We arrived at the front of the house with a bang - literally. Ron stumbled and ended up pulling the rest of us down with him. I fell with a screech, Harry's arm still around my shoulders. I was laughing at Neville and Lavender's good natured yells at Ron before I realized that Harry had fallen on top of me. His face was less then an inch away from mine and my laughter ceased immediately. His arms were braced against my shoulders, my knee between his legs, and he was gazing down at me with a look I had never seen before, at least not directed at me. His eyes shone with confusion, surprise, and - and love. In those few moments, we saw into each other's souls.

I smiled and laughed breaking our spell on each other. "You going to stay there all day Potter or are you going to let me up?"

Harry smiled and if I were standing, I'm sure that my knees would have been trembling. "Well, you know, you're just so comfortable," he said perching his head on his elbow right next to my face. I wanted to kiss him right then and there, but I doubt that would have been such a good idea. Ron, Lavender, and Neville looked on with interest.

I rolled my eyes. "That's all well and good Harry, but I need to get up so that we can get inside." To further my point, I tried to push him off me, but he only held me down by my stomach, effectively tickling me and causing me to squeak.

Harry laughed and continued tickling me until I was able to get my hands free and shove him off. Still laughing, I sat up. Harry stood and grinned cheekily. "You know you love it."

I just glared at him. Okay, so he knows I still like him - no need to tease me about it constantly - he does this all the time! I mean - I know I like you, you know I like you, but there's nothing either of us can do about it, so just drop the subject! Sometimes, he can just be such a cocky little...thing...

Harry noticed my frustration and offered me a hand, which I ignored. I can stand very well on my own, thanks so much. I wordlessly walked over to the door, muttered a quick "Alohomora" and with a flick of my wand, I led everyone inside. Lavender was giving Harry a look of pure exasperation as she followed me in. I tossed my bag on the sofa. "Okay," I said, trying to ignore the presence of Harry behind me - a difficult task in itself when he wasn't leaning on my shoulder. Neville put his arm on my other shoulder and I looked over at him with a grin shaking my head. Okay, so I'm the shortest - do I have to be everyone's leaning post?

"The dining room is through that door," I said pointing to my right, "and you can see the kitchen behind us. There are two bedrooms downstairs along with the two bathrooms and there are two beds in the loft, which means that someone has to take the sofa bed. I'll sleep there if no one else wants to - "

"I'll take it," Harry said almost immediately.

I nodded and shrugged. "Okay then, everyone pick a room. I'll take whatever's left."

As it turned out, Neville and Lavender chose the loft, which left me and Ron downstairs. Sure, we had separate rooms, but they were connected by a door in between them that didn't lock. Not that I cared - nope, not one bit...

I unpacked my bag slowly listening to the laughter coming from upstairs. I heard Annie's name mentioned, followed by a significant amount of cat calls and whistling. I found myself smiling painfully. He was so happy with her. I was always the constant in his life - the bookworm, the one with all the advice about girls - his best friend. Never anything more.

I threw my empty bag on the floor and closed my eyes. I could feel the tears about to fall, and I balled my hands into fists, willing them to go away.

I turned around when I heard footsteps behind me and opened my eyes. Harry knocked quietly on the door and stepped inside. "Hi," I said quietly, hoping he wouldn't see the tears in my eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked. His hand was on my arm and I sat down on the bed hoping he wouldn't follow.

"Nothing," I lied. I was always a good liar when it came to teachers, even my parents. But my friends always saw right through me - especially Harry.

"Liar," he said sitting down next to me. I wouldn't look at him. He put his hand over mine and I sniffled. "I'm sorry about before," he said finally.

I turned to look at him. "I know. I just wish you wouldn't rub it in my face all the time, that's all. You know, I know, everyone knows - just leave it at that. Please?"

"I'm sorry, it's just - I don't understand it Hermione. It's been..." His voice trailed off at the look on my face, a look that clearly stated 'I don't want to talk about it.' How many times had he asked me why I liked him, why I wasn't over him? I always gave him the same answer - I don't know. Every time, I swore to myself that one day I would tell him the truth.

'I love you Harry' I wanted to say, but I knew that I couldn't. I couldn't - wouldn't do that to him, to Annie. They were too happy. I would be miserable, yes, but I could never ruin what they had - it would hurt him too much, and he had been through so much already...

"Harry? Hermione? We're going to order pizza - what do you want on it?"

"Pepperoni." "Mushrooms," we said at the same time. I laughed and shouted, "Pepperoni and mushrooms Lav."

"You two are so difficult," Lavender grumbled but made the call anyway.

Dinner went by without incident - jokes were told, comments were made, and teasing was at an all-time high. Talk about relationships was avoided like the plague, and I couldn't help but wonder if they'd all discussed the matter beforehand and decided not to mention any of their "better halves" around me. I was grateful, but I wished they wouldn't pity me like that. I wasn't a child - I wanted to hear about their personal lives, and I told Ron so that night as he turned down his bed.

"Look 'Mione," I glared - I really did hate that name, "It's not that we don't want you to know what goes on in our love lives, it's just that - "

"Just what? Ron, I don't have a boyfriend - that doesn't mean I don't want to talk about how well your relationships are going." This was true - as much as it hurt, I wanted to know how my friends' lives were going - was that so much to ask? Apparently so.

Ron sighed and walked over to me. "Look Hermione - we just - we - look, it's nothing, okay? If you want us to talk about it, we'll talk about it. But can we talk in the morning - it's already two and I'm about ready to collapse."

I nodded reluctantly and he gave me a kiss on the forehead. "Goodnight," I said with a smile.

"Goodnight," he paused, "'Mione." I picked up his pillow and threw it at him. He caught it and laughed as I went into my room and closed the door.

That night, I found I couldn't sleep. I wanted nothing more then to close my eyes and abandon my thoughts in exchange for dreams, but my mind was running on high, and I couldn't seem to drift off. After over an hour of tossing and turning, I put on my robe - a fluffy red and gold flannel one that my parents bought me - and went upstairs, tiptoeing through the livingroom where Harry was sleeping to the balcony outside of it.

The air was cool, a soft breeze blowing across the clear night sky. The moon was full. It made me wonder how Professor Lupin was doing. The bright stars reminded me of a certain Astronomy lesson when I finally told Harry the truth. He looked genuinely hurt when he told me that he didn't feel the same way, that I was an amazing friend - but nothing more. It didn't hurt as much as it should have at the time, but I felt the pain later. He kept apologizing for weeks, and I kept telling him I was fine until one night I just snapped. I was crying, he was seething, and neither of us wanted to confront the other. Ron finally intervened, Lavender and Neville got us both into a room together, and we talked for hours sorting everything out. Nothing had changed - if anything, we were closer then ever - but I still wanted him - want him, present tense. And he didn't - doesn't feel the same.

What could I do besides watch him fall for another girl, encourage him to ask her out, and watch as Annie Caraway became Harry Potter's new love interest and then his girlfriend. I watched as they cuddled and kissed and held hands and silently wished that it was me he was hugging, me he was kissing - me he was falling in love with.

I leaned on the railing and watched the stars, reminded of what I didn't have, not aware until days later that Harry was watching me the whole time from the window and knowing that he was the cause of my tears.