101 Ways to Charm Your Man

Chapter 2

First Attempt

Daylight crept slowly into the Gryffindor girls' dormitory. The only sound that could be heard in the sixth-year girls' room was the light breathing of the girls as they slept peacefully. However, not all of the room's residents enjoyed the serene dream of being swept away by a handsome Knight on a magnificent white horse. One rather bushy-haired witch was locked in a struggle as she tossed and turned in her bed, trying to grasp onto the slightest hint of sleep in vain. After a few long minutes, with a great huff of impatience, she sat up on her bed and reached under her pillow to extract her wand and a small book. Cautiously, she peeked through her bed drapes to check whether her fellow roommates were asleep. Feeling satisfied by what she had witnessed, she quickly muttered, 'Lumos'. Squinting against the sudden brightness, she flicked through the book until she located the required page.

"15. Men are always very attracted to a sexy laugh. Whenever your man says anything even remotely funny, laugh throatily and flip your hair over your shoulder in an enticing manner. Mark my words, it always works like a charm!"

Hermione stared at the words blankly for a while. Then, she rubbed her eyes, reread the instruction, and sighed in resignation. Sexy laugh? Merlin, how am I supposed to do that? Hermione wondered wearily, is it even possible to laugh sexily? She frowned at the text as she racked her brain, trying to remember the way Ginny laughed around Dean. However, she realised with shock that she had not noticed much about anyone for the past month, apart from Ron Weasley. This unnerving realisation convinced her to go ahead with Ginny's plan, as outrageous as it was. After all, it had worked brilliantly for Ginny.

Tucking the book under her pillow once again, she crept out of bed quietly. Careful not to wake her sleeping roommates, Hermione tiptoed out of the room and made her way to the girl's bathroom, which was fortunately silent and empty. She knew that none of the girls would get up for another half an hour, and so she had the bathroom for herself in the meantime. This was exactly what she needed. After taking a quick shower, she changed into her school robes and walked over to the full-length mirror at the far end of the bathroom.

'Back again, aren't we?' wheezed the mirror.

'Er - hello,' said Hermione, startled.

'Good morning, dear. Are you all right?' asked the mirror kindly.

Hermione stared at the mirror, taken aback. Never during her years in Hogwarts had the mirror talked to her politely. In fact, she felt comfortable enough to say that insulting her was one of the mirror's favourite pastimes. And so, usually she just ignored it.

'Y-yes, I'm fine. Thank you,' she replied uncertainly.

'Good. Now, go and take care of that nest on top of your head,' The mirror cackled cruelly as Hermione shook her head exasperatedly.

'Keep quiet, will you? I don't want to hex you into oblivion, but if you carry on like this I might just have to,' threatened Hermione in a controlled voice. She did not appreciate it when people insulted her hair, as she was rather sensitive about the subject. However, she knew that the mirror had a valid point. It did look as if a crazed animal sat on top of her head. Oh, if only I had smooth, straight hair, she wondered wistfully while taming her bushy hair into a single plait, I wonder if Ron prefers straight hair. Drat!

The thought of Ron brought her mind back to the situation at hand abruptly. Briefly, she considered waking Ginny for some "Sexy laugh" lessons, but dismissed the thought immediately at the thought of being at the receiving end of the famous Bat-Bogey charm. Finally, she decided that the best course of action was to practice her laugh in front of the mirror before anyone else woke up. With any luck, she would be able to convert her laugh into a "sexy" one before breakfast.

For the next fifteen minutes or so, Hermione laughed and giggled while ignoring the mirror's rather rude comments.

"...Whenever your man says anything even remotely funny, laugh throatily and flip your hair over your shoulder in an enticing manner..."

Hmm ... flip my hair? Hermione thought as she flicked her head. Her plait flew around the side of her head and smacked her on the face. All right! Maybe I should undo the plait, she considered nervously. Soon, the feeling of utter foolishness washed away to be replaced with a wobbly confidence, and her laughs grew louder.

Loud enough to filter out of the bathroom door and into the hallway where a baffled Parvati stood. Parvati shook her head to clear her dream-filled thoughts and stared at the bathroom door apprehensively. She usually considered herself as a chirpy, morning person. Still, not even she expressed her happiness at a new day by cackling manically in the bathroom. Eventually, her curiosity won over her hesitation and Parvati tried to enter the bathroom. However, the door was locked. Merlin! What on Earth is happening in there? Parvati thought with alarm.

'Hello? Hello?' she called, 'Is everything OK in there?'

The giggles stopped immediately.

'Are you all right?' asked Parvati anxiously.

She jumped back with a squeal of surprise when the door sprang open suddenly. Hermione Granger stood framed against the doorway. Parvati was gobsmacked.

'Good morning, Parvati,' said Hermione nonchalantly - though, her face looked a bit flushed.

Refusing to believe her eyes, Parvati looked over Hermione's shoulder and checked the bathroom. It appeared to be empty. But that could only mean ... She glanced at Hermione and tried to contain her amusement as the absurdity of the situation struck her.

'Hermione, are you OK?'

'Yes,' answered Hermione abruptly.

Faltering a bit, Parvati tried again. 'It's just that ... What were you laughing at?'

'Laughing?' Hermione gave Parvati a befuddled look. 'Who was laughing? Parvati, are you OK?'

Parvati frowned at her, but before she could utter one more word, Hermione said, 'I think you were dreaming, or maybe you are hearing things. Do take care of yourself. Hearing voices is the first sign of insanity,'

Then Hermione was gone, leaving a dumbstruck Parvati behind.

*

'Good morning, Hermione,' a cheery voice rang behind her as Hermione strode down the stairs towards the common room. She stopped her train of thoughts - which still lingered on the incident that had occurred at the bathroom - and turned around to greet the pretty redhead who was smiling down at her.

'Hello, Ginny,' said Hermione, forcing a smile onto her face. 'Did you have a good night?'

'Absolutely. I slept like a log and had this amazing dream about - er- stuff,' Ginny finished awkwardly. Hermione masked a smile and let the 'stuff' remark fly past. 'What about you?' Ginny winked at her cheekily.

Hermione shrugged in what she hoped was a casual manner and lied in a steady voice, 'Yes, I dozed off as soon as my head hit the pillow.'

'Really? That's brilliant, you are handling everything so well.' Ginny looked slightly amazed. 'If I were in your place, I would probably be getting a bit paranoid,'

Hermione's eyebrows shot up. If only Ginny knew what had just occurred in the girl's bathroom.

'I mean, after all, you are going to woo someone who's as thick as a troll. It would take a lot of effort on your part to get him to notice anything. Still, you seem very confident about it.' Ginny continued much to Hermione's discomfort, 'So, what are you planning to do today?'

'Oh, nothing much.' The younger girl looked expectantly at Hermione, who looked over her shoulder and spoke in a hushed voice. 'I was hoping to try instruction number fifteen,'

Ginny tilted her head in question. 'Instruction number fifteen? Hermione, I hardly memorised the whole book,'

'Neither did I,' Hermione cried out quickly, 'Anyway, I am going to try the "sexy laugh and hair-flip" one. But I'm not really sure how to go about it. What if I just end up sounding like a wounded Hippogriff?'

'Oh, don't talk rubbish, Hermione. A sexy laugh is going to be a piece of cake for you. Ron likes your laugh well enough. So all you need to do is just make it throaty and laugh a bit more around him, and just try flipping your hair like this,'

As a demonstration, Ginny laughed quietly and threw her head back carelessly. Shiny, red hair flew back from her shoulder and settled neatly against her back. However, seeing this robbed Hermione of her shaky self-assurance.

'Maybe I should avoid flipping my hair,' she murmured in defeat.

'What? Why?' Ginny cried.

'Why? Ginny, have you never seen my hair? It is so bushy and unruly; it's not like yours. If I throw it around like that all day, by the end of it, my hair would probably be double its size,'

Ginny rolled her eyes and said, 'Don't be ridiculous. It will be fine, seriously. And you don't have to do it every single time you ... Oh, here they come!'

Hermione nearly jumped out of her skin when Harry called out her name.

'Good morning, boys,' To her mortification, the supposedly casual greeting came out as a loud squawk when her gaze fell upon a sleepy Ron. However, as Ron returned the greeting with a huge grin, he did not seem to notice anything odd about her voice. She held in a wistful sigh at the wondrous sight of his dark blue eyes. Against her will, she felt her conscious mind slipping into a hazy daydream where Ron was on his knees proposing his undying love to her.

Next to her, Ginny watched the scene in fascination as a faraway look crossed the older girl's eyes while Ron carried on talking to her, oblivious to her besotted stare. For a second, Ginny seriously contemplated throwing Hermione headfirst against a wall to knock some sense into her. For Merlin's sake, please, do not ogle him, she mentally pleaded with her friend as she observed Ron slowly noticing Hermione's creepy stare, and snap out of the daydream. For the life of her, Ginny could not understand how Hermione Granger - a brilliant witch who knew absolutely everything about anything - could be so dim-witted when it came down to Ron Weasley.

As much as she enjoyed watching her older brother squirm, she also hated seeing Hermione or any girl making a fool of herself in front of a boy she fancied. But just as she opened her mouth to bring Hermione back to earth, she caught sight of a pair of brilliant green eyes that were trained on her. Distracted from her rescue mission, Ginny glanced at Harry and noted with dread that his eyes gleamed suspiciously. Right away, she decided that she did not like that look. A knowing smirk played across his lips and slowly he motioned towards his best friends with a slight tilt of his head.

Crap! He knows.

Feigning nonchalance, Ginny merely raised her eyebrows innocently at him while silently congratulation herself for her excellent acting skills. Then, while steadily ignoring Harry's growing smirk, Ginny grabbed hold of Hermione's arm and jerked her towards the portrait hole, taking everyone by surprise.

'I'm starving! Come on; let's go have some breakfast,'

As they walked to the Great Hall, Hermione flashed a grateful look at her. Ginny frowned at her and hissed, 'Just act normal around him! We don't want him to think that you are retarded. By the way, Harry might not be as dense as we think.'

At that, Hermione shot a panicked look over at her best friends. Ginny also looked over her shoulder to check on the boys and her eyes locked onto Harry's for a while. He stared back at her pointedly. Great, now she also had to deal with the stubborn boy who lived. Why did she ever volunteer to help Hermione?

*

'The instructions are on the board,' Professor Snape said quietly, sweeping his wand at the board gracefully, 'follow them precisely. I assure you, any blunder while brewing this potion will land you swiftly in the Hospital Wing. '

Hermione just rolled her eyes in exasperation as Snape sneered at the Gryffindors, as if he expected all of them to mess up. After five years of being at the receiving end of hostility from the Potions Master, his callous attitude had become very tiresome. Scanning the instructions for the Analgesic Potion carefully, she slowly began to crush the Jimsonweed with utmost concentration ... until someone hissed in her ear startling her.

'Psst ...Hermione, what are we supposed to do?' Ron whispered while leaning towards her as soon as Professor Snape turned his attention to his work.

Hermione shivered involuntarily as his warm breath tickled her face, and instead of turning to face him, she leaned in so that their shoulders brushed together. He even smells great, she thought, smiling stupidly. She snuck a look at his face and for a moment, everything else faded away except for Ron.

'Hermione?'

She snapped out of her trance and recoiled in embarrassment when she realised that she had been staring fixatedly at Ron's mouth for a while. Oh Merlin! I am really losing it. Now I want to kiss him! Come on, remember Ginny's advice!

Fortunately, Ron did not seem to comprehend the situation. Instead, he frowned deeply at her as he arrived at the wrong conclusion for her silence. 'Come on, Hermione. Stop being such a goody-goody. You know that I can't afford to get a low grade on this,'

'What? Honestly, Ron. It would be beneficial if you tried to attempt at least one potion without my guidance,' she said firmly, trying to convince an annoying voice in her head that not helping Ron was going to help him in the end. 'And, I'm not a goody-goody! Now, read the instructions and try following them for a change!'

Ron stared pleadingly at her a bit longer, but when she steadfastly ignored him, he huffed angrily and went back to reading the instructions. Meanwhile, the voice in her head was furiously berating her for being so rude to such a lovely and adorable person. As much as she tried to concentrate fully on her potion, the sighs and grunts coming from the boy next to her distracted her very effectively. Still, very soon, her potion was brewing faultlessly and she used her free time to keep an eye on Ron and his potion ... or so she told herself.

Her thoughts wandered back to the plan as she watched Harry and Ron shake with silent laughter as they joked around with a strand of pondweed. Sexy laugh indeed! Hermione thought with irritation as she remembered the piece of advice she had been following the whole day, a lot of good that did. To her disappointment, her laugh had not really received any special attention from her object of affection. In fact, at lunch when she had attempted a throaty laugh at one of Ron's jokes, he had looked at her anxiously and asked her whether she was coming down with a cold.

Hold on, you haven't exactly followed the instruction thoroughly, have you? The irritating voice in her head piped up. What about flicking you hair? That's a sure way of getting attention.

As much as she hated to admit it, she had to agree with the annoying little voice. After all, she had seen it work. Whenever Lavender or Parvati laughed, they always flipped their hair and most of the guys around them did pay attention to them. And she had observed over breakfast how Dean's eyes glossed over whenever Ginny tried the same technique.

Exactly! So, why not show some Gryffindor bravery and try it? Or are you just a scared little coward?

Hermione fumed at being called a coward and wondered why she had to be cursed with such an impolite inner voice.

Fine! I will do it. And I'll have you know that I'm not a coward. Not even close to being one. In fact, I have been on many dangerous adventures with Harry ...

Yeah, yeah, so you say, the voice snorted.

She narrowed her eyes furiously and was about to commence an angry disagreement with her inner voice when she noticed Harry and Ron looking at her in concern. A hot blush crept onto her face as she realised how idiotic she must have looked, glaring to herself.

'Hey, are you all right?' asked Harry quietly. He was looking at her very closely and Hermione suddenly remembered what Ginny had told her that morning. Not wanting Harry to get any more ideas, she shrugged casually.

'Yes, why?'

'Well, you just looked really angry,' Ron whispered and then shot a look at Snape, 'but I don't blame you, Hermione. The sight of that ugly git is enough to make anyone angry,' he said with a small smile.

When Harry chuckled slightly at that, Hermione saw her chance. Straightening up, she tried her hand at a throaty and sexy laugh once more ... and this time she flipped her hair back as gracefully as she could manage.

Yes! Hermione had to restrain a cry of success as she saw the glazed look cross Ron's face. It really works, she wondered in awe as Ron continued to gaze at her with an odd look in his eyes.

Of course it does, I told you so. The inner voice was back, but this time she was too delighted to acknowledge it.

'Mr Weasley, if you would like to tear you eyes away from Ms Granger,' a cold voice drawled next to them. Ron jumped slightly and swung around to look up at Snape's sneering face. His ears turned bright red as he realised that the entire class was looking at them. Hermione shrunk in her seat to avoid the stares even though she still felt like dancing around with Snape.

'I'm sure you have enough time for your passionate affairs after class,' Snape smirked as Ron face turned a brighter red. Hermione flushed slightly and looked at Ron guiltily as the other students, including Malfoy - who was making kissing noises - laughed at them. Harry's eyes were narrowed to slits. 'So, I would really appreciate it if you paid a bit more attention to you potion during my class. Ten points from Gryffindor, for being inattentive' Snape shot a disgusted look at the three of them before he swept away to the front of the class.

'Stupid git!' Ron muttered viciously while staring daggers at the professor's back. 'He really is a twisted person. I would just like to ...' Ron made a violent gesture and Hermione gasped.

'Ignore him, Ron. He just wants to deduct points from us,' Hermione whispered nervously, while glaring at Malfoy who was still making kissing noises.

'Still, he's a git!' Ron insisted.

'He sure is,' Harry agreed enthusiastically.

For the rest of the rest of the class Hermione sat back quietly, pondering over Snape's words. Passionate affair? Did it look like Ron and I are involved? Hmm...I wonder if Ron actually likes me even a little bit, she wondered hopefully looking at the redhead. One thing is for sure though, I really should try the "sexy laugh and hair-flip" technique more often.

'Ms Granger, if you would like to join us any time soon,' sneered a voice next to her ear and Hermione inhaled sharply. Not again! Then, she noticed Professor Snape standing at the other end of the class, conversing with Draco Malfoy and his group of Slytherins. What in the name of Merlin?

She looked around in bewilderment and nearly burst into hysterical giggles. Her best friends had pondweed draped on their heads in a manner that mimicked Snape's greasy hair. In addition to the pondweed, they also had identical sneers fixed on their faces. Hermione shot a panicked look at Snape to make sure he was preoccupied and then turned back to her friends.

'Honestly, you two, if you get caught ...'

'Ms Granger, how dare you speak out of turn! Hundred points from Gryffindor for ...' Ron trailed off.

'Having nicer hair than me,' Harry supplied solemnly.

At that, Hermione clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter ... and then changed her mind. All right, time for another "sexy laugh and hair-flip"! Hermione thought deviously and after quickly checking to make sure Snape was preoccupied, she laughed throatily and threw her head back confidently, making her bushy hair fly wildly over her shoulder ... and straight into Ron's face, as he leaned in to make another witty remark.

The next series of events that took place would forever remain burned in Hermione's mind.

As Ron took in a mouthful of her bushy hair, he started in surprise and pulled back abruptly. Unfortunately, he lost his footing in his hurry to get away and since his view was still obstructed by copious amounts of her hair, he grabbed onto thin air. Harry leapt out of his chair and tried to hold on to Ron's arm, instead he got whacked on the head by one of Ron's flailing arms. For Hermione, time slowed while she sat frozen in her seat. She watched in numb shock as Ron fell in slow motion, eyes wide in alarm, bumping painfully against his chair. By that time, the whole class had turned to see the commotion while Professor Snape stared, dumbfounded. Ron yelped in pain and one of his long legs shot up when he landed hard on the floor. To make everything even worse, his leg tipped his desk and his cauldron that contained the brewing Analgesic Potion flew through the air and landed rather accurately on Ron's head, stifling his panicked cry.

*