101 Ways to Charm Your Man

Chapter 1

Confessions of a Flustered Witch

Hermione Granger scowled angrily at the heavy, thick book that she was reading - or at least trying to read. Unfortunately, her attention kept wavering as her narrowed eyes skimmed over the same line for the twentieth time. Meaningless words stared back at her, making her feel unbelievably helpless and thick. This infuriated her even more; the offensive book had no right whatsoever to make her doubt her own intelligence. Feeling utterly frustrated, she tightened her grip on the book and brought it closer to her face, hoping against hope that if she looked at the words closely enough, they would start to make sense. Of course, she did realise shamefully that this was the most idiotic reasoning she had ever done in her life. Nonetheless, desperate times called for desperate measures.

Miraculously, it worked. For a while, she smiled to herself, satisfied that her actions had obscured the lovely sight of a certain redhead who seemed to be the main cause of her distraction. However, the moment of relief lasted only for a second before a deep chuckle dissolved the tiniest bit of focus she had conjured. Instead, she found herself indulging in the dulcet tones of the laugh as the image of a grinning, freckled face invaded her mind.

Darn! Concentrate on the Ancient Runes text, she order herself firmly, Runes, Runes, Runes, Runes, Rones, Rones, Ron, Ron, Ron ... Oh no! This is so hopeless, what am I going to do?

Ever since they started their sixth year, Hermione found herself daydreaming a lot. To her horror, most of these fantasies centred around a very delicious, bare-chested and cheeky Ron Weasley - who also happened to be one of her best friends along with Harry Potter. True, over the past few years, Ron had slowly developed into an attractive young man, and she always had been aware of her budding feelings for him. Though, they had not bothered her much and she had just brushed them away as a stupid schoolgirl crush. But that was all before Ron Weasley matured.

To Hermione's immense surprise, when Ron had met her on the Hogwarts Express he was no longer the unsure, awkward kid she had known previously. Not at all. He suddenly seemed to be more in control and sure of himself. He oozed self-confidence and charm, to the delight of the female population of Hogwarts. When he had undergone this huge personality change, she honestly did not know - though she did suspect that the unfortunate incident at the Ministry had made all of them mature beyond their age. All she knew was that her old schoolgirl crush had suddenly clawed its way out triumphantly and mutated itself into an obsession. For the first time in her life, she felt tongue-tied and shy around Ron. Fortunately, the boys were completely oblivious to her sudden shyness - bless them!

And so, this was why Hermione Granger - the cleverest witch at Hogwarts, could not focus on her Ancient Runes textbook on this lovely afternoon as she sat in the Gryffindor common room with her best friends. Still, she was not one to give up. She looked down at the book again and gave it one last shot.

'Hermione!' called out a deep voice that could only belong to Ron.

She shot up from her chair in surprise and dropped her heavy book with a resounding thud - right on her foot.

'OW! Ow! Merlin! Ouch!' she cried out while hopping around on the uninjured foot.

'Shit! Hermione, are you OK?' asked Ron anxiously as he bounded over, leaving his chess game with Harry. Harry followed him quickly as well, looking equally alarmed.

'Of course not!' snapped Hermione, trying to hide the embarrassed blush that was steadily staining her cheeks. 'How can I be OK? I just dropped that humungous book on my foot!' She could not believe her clumsiness, but apparently, it came along with the 'shy' package as well. Damn Ron Weasley!

'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled out your name just like that,' said Ron, biting his lips and making Hermione a bit weak in the knees. Seeing her stumble, he quickly moved to steady her. However, feeling apprehensive at how she was going to react if he touched her, she dodged his arm and tried to hop away.

CRASH!

'HERMIONE!' Harry and Ron chorused, running to either side of the fallen girl to help her up. By that time, most of the students present at the common room had gathered around to observe the antics of their self-possessed sixth-year prefect. Most of them were desperately trying to hide their grins, while others looked on in concern. Feeling entirely humiliated, Hermione stood up with the help of her best friends, brushed her robes casually and limped out of the portrait hole with her nose held high. The boys gaped after her as the portrait hole closed after her. For a second there was silence, and then some people burst into laughter.

'Oi! Shut it, you guys! That was not funny,' growled Ron, glaring at the people who were laughing. The laughter stopped immediately, and everyone went back to their business as Harry picked up the small table that Hermione had tripped over.

'D'you suppose she's all right?' asked Harry, concern clouding his features.

'I don't think so,' replied Ron, looking a bit crestfallen. 'I guess it would be better if we let her alone for a while, right? I mean, she looked pretty pissed off at me,' Harry nodded wisely.

'What just happened?'

Ron and Harry whirled around to face Ginny Weasley who had her arms crossed in front of her. She was frowning deeply at both of them, with an accusatory look in her eyes.

Harry shrugged and Ron said, 'It was not our fault. I just called her to show her that Harry had finally checkmated me, and then all of a sudden she dropped that bloody book on her feet! That must have hurt, I mean look at the size of that thing,'

'Yeah, and then she tripped over the table and fell,' supplied Harry, looking uncertain at Ginny's shrewd gaze.

Ginny looked disbelievingly at the pair, at the table and then at the huge book on the floor. She did witness what had happened, but her brain refused to accept it. After all, it was not everyday that Hermione Granger dropped heavy books onto her own foot. Ginny could not remember Hermione ever dropping a book or tripping over a table. In fact, no one had ever tripped over any table in the Gryffindor common room to this day. So, how was it possible for such a sensible witch to commit such an act?

'She's been acting quite strange ever since the beginning of school,' muttered Harry, looking as if he was pondering over the same things. 'Haven't you noticed, Ron? She always has that dazed look on her face these days,'

'Yeah, and she's been very clumsy as well. Remember that day in Transfiguration, her wand slipped right out of her hand while she was trying to perform a Switching spell and it whacked McGonagall right on the forehead,' said Ron, smiling fondly at the funny memory.

Harry chuckled a bit. 'What about the time when she tripped over her own feet and fell flat on her face, while we were walking down for Care of Magical Creatures?'

'And when she accidentally dipped her elbow into your bowl of porridge?'

'Oh, and that day she skid all the way into a plant bed at Herbology, she slipped in the water, didn't she?'

By that time, both boys were bent over laughing their heads off. Ron was making a sort of wheezing noise as he tried to gulp in air frantically. Harry was beating his thighs and heaving with silent laughter. Ginny glared at them, exasperated. Honestly, boys are so hopeless sometimes. Still, a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips as well as she imagined the calm and collected Hermione being so ungainly. Even so, Hermione still seemed to be her old composed self around Ginny. Moreover, she had not noticed Hermione making a fool out of herself in front of any others either. It was just only around her best friends that she turned into Hogwart's number one klutz.

'Having a good laugh at my expense, aren't we?' a cold voice snapped.

All three of them looked up guiltily, and Ginny opened her mouth to explain, but Hermione would have none of it. Her eyes looked a bit red, as if she had just been crying. However, it was the look on her face that silenced them. It looked like winter had come early.

'I am really lucky to have you lot as my friends,' said Hermione frostily as Harry and Ron looked stricken. They kept opening and closing their mouth like a pair of fishes. 'After all, everyone wants their friends to ridicule them when they have accidents, right?' she snapped.

'Hermione, it wasn't -' started Ron, looking quite terrified.

'No, that's quite all right, Ronald. I am glad that I'm a source of entertainment to you,' And with that, she picked up her heavy book from the floor and swept up the stairs to the girl's dormitory in a huff.

Ginny stared after her, feeling horrible as Harry and Ron ran over to the stairs and called out to her. Then something clunked into place in her brain as she remembered Ron's comment about Hermione dipping her elbow into a bowl of porridge. Of course, why hadn't she seen it before? Gathering her courage, she quickly strode over to the stairs and shoved Ron out of the way, as she started climbing.

'Where are you going, Gin?' asked Ron.

'Could you please bring her down?' Harry said anxiously.

Taking a deep breath, she turned to face the boys. 'I think you lot have done enough damage for one day. I will go and talk to her, you two can just stay here till she decides to forgive you,' Then she turned on her heels and made her way over to the sixth-year girl's dormitory with a determined glint in her brown eyes. She needed to straighten everything out.

*

Closing her bed drapes firmly around her, Hermione huddled on her bed as she felt another wave of tears threatening to fall. She drew up her knees tightly to her and rested her chin on them, miserably. Her mind kept wandering back to the scene that had greeted her when she had finally crawled back into the common room: Harry and Ron cracking themselves up over her foolish stunts. Oh Merlin! Ron thinks I'm a big joke, she thought dejectedly, oh, why do I like him? He's an insensitive git, who laughs at his friend's misfortune. What an adorable prat! Darn! The tears flowed down her face and she dug through her robes for her handkerchief. Feeling angry with the boys and at her clumsiness, she blew her nose hard with a satisfying honk.

'Hermione? Is that you?' a soft voice called out cautiously.

She stiffened up as she recognised the youngest Weasley's voice. 'Ginny, I'm not in the mood to talk right now. Could you please leave?' she sniffed, hoping dearly that Ginny would listen to her. She really did not feel like chatting with anyone - least of all, Ron's younger sister.

However, being a true Weasley, Ginny had also inherited the stubbornness of the family. Hence, instead of leaving Hermione to wallow in self-pity, Ginny walked over to her bed and yanked open the drapes of her bed to reveal a puffy-eyed Hermione with a frown on her face.

'Oh, don't give me that look, Miss Granger,' replied Ginny, rolling her eyes as she sat next to her dishevelled friend. 'You know that I don't get intimidated by your looks, I ain't a coward like those idiots that are your best friends,'

In spite of her mood, she felt a smile sneak onto her face as Ginny referred to her friends as idiots. How right she was. Seeing the faint smile, Ginny cheered up and patted Hermione on the shoulder in a comforting manner. 'Now, now, take it easy, girl. My stupid brother and Harry are not the brightest boys when it comes to understanding girls,'

Hermione giggled weakly and nodded in agreement. 'Yes, that's true. They are as thick as trolls when it comes to understanding feelings and all. I understand that, I'm just a bit upset because they were laughing at me,'

'Well, if it makes you feel any better, they were actually trying to figure out what was bothering you before they decided to act like complete morons,' said Ginny, solemnly. She was watching Hermione a bit too closely for comfort.

'Oh, well, I just tripped. It can happen to anyone,' she muttered consciously, knowing that she sounded very unconvincing.

'I guess so,' said Ginny sceptically, 'only that you are not anyone. I have known you for a long time, Hermione. And I have to admit that I've never seen you being so awkward,'

Sighing, Hermione opened her mouth to protest but Ginny beat her to it. 'If it had been just this once I would have believed you. But, according to Ron and Harry, you've been acting strange since September,'

Hermione watched the younger girl apprehensively. From the pointed looks Ginny was giving to her, she realised that Ginny was probably very close to figuring out her problem. After all, she knew about the brief period when Hermione had fancied her brother. Oh well, I guess it's for the best, she thought morosely, I need someone to talk to about these unsettling feelings, and Ginny is a great listener.

'Hermione, what's bothering you?' Ginny asked carefully.

Hermione did not know what hit her, but as soon as Ginny asked that question, she heard herself spilling everything. She told Ginny about how her crush had resurfaced again on the train, how she has been trying to impress Ron, how she always felt too shy around him. She told her about the times when she always managed to make a fool out of herself whenever he merely smiled at her, how she burned with jealousy every single time he stopped to chat with one of the giggling girls. And she finally concluded her outburst by telling Ginny how much she would like to feed Luna Lovegood to a Hippogriff for actually kissing Ron on the cheek.

She finally took deep breath to calm her nerves and waited for Ginny to express her opinion on this rather disconcerting issue. For a while, Ginny just stared at Hermione, as if seeing her for the first time. She did open her mouth a couple of times, but then shook her head and did not say anything. Hermione noted with dread that Ginny looked a bit dumbfounded and disgusted. Oh no, what if she thinks I'm being a silly twit? Hermione wondered nervously, regretting her decision to share her troubles with Ginny.

Finally, after what seemed like a century to her, Ginny said, 'Are you serious? I mean, I suspected as much, but still, you like Ron? You actually like that git? What do you see in him? Let me tell you, Hermione. You can do so much better than that dunderhead,'

'Oh, Ginny, he's not that bad. He's grown up, you know. That's why I started fancying him again; he actually acts mature these days,'

Ginny gaped at her. 'Are you sure that you didn't hit your head when you fell? Ron? Mature?' Then Ginny started to laugh hysterically. 'Darling, you need to get your head checked by Madam Pomfrey,'

Hermione clenched her jaw and sniffed in irritation. 'I would appreciate it if you didn't make fun of my choice of boys. I understand that he's your brother and you do know him better than I do. But I also know that he has grown up. I have spent a lot of time with him since I was eleven, Ginny. I know what kind of person he is. He is sweet, loyal, funny and cute,'

Ginny made a face and then smiled affectionately at her. 'I guess you are right about that. All the Weasleys are cute.' When Hermione snorted, Ginny continued. 'Well, I can see that you are hopelessly smitten with my brother. He sure is lucky to have your affections;' (Hermione blushed) 'I'll tell you a little secret. He fancies you as well,' Hermione raised her eyebrows in surprise. 'I can tell by the way that he fusses over you, Hermione. He definitely likes you. He is just too stupid to realise it. Stupidity runs in the men of our family - I mean look at Percy and his little act last year. Yet, he did finally come to his senses, didn't he? OK, I think I'm wandering off topic here. Anyway, don't you worry about it. He will come around sooner or later,'

'Yeah, I know,' she sighed in defeat. She was afraid that Ron might never make his move. Oh god! What if Voldemort killed her before that? What a pity.

Ginny suddenly smirked and raised an eyebrow suggestively, shocking Hermione rather badly. 'All we have to do is make sure it's sooner rather than later,' She thrust a book in Hermione's face.

'What's this?' asked Hermione, warily eyeing the book that had a beautiful witch on the cover. A man sat crouching at her feet, looking up at her with a look of absolute adoration. The witch occasionally patted him on the head, as if he was her pet. On the top it read, 101 Ways to Charm Your Man by Dolly Wallflower.

'This is my most trusted friend! It has helped me through thick and thin,' said Ginny dramatically.

A bit confused, Hermione just waited for Ginny to continue her rambling. 'This book is the secret behind my success It has never failed me yet!'

'What success?'

For a second, she looked a bit startled at the interruption. 'My success with men, of course!' she cried indignantly. 'This book helped me ensnare Michael; it helped me score with Dean! And look where I am now, I am actually having a steady relationship with him,'

'That's only two boys,' Hermione pointed out. Ginny glared at her. 'So? I've still had success.'

'What about Harry?' However, as soon as she said it aloud, Hermione wished she could take it back. Ginny narrowed her eyes down at the older girl dangerously and muttered, 'I didn't bother wasting my time,'

Silence.

'Er - what were you saying, Ginny?' asked Hermione quietly, feeling horrified at having brought up such a sensitive topic with the one person who willing to help her. 'Look, I'm really sorry, Ginny. It was stupid of me to bring that up,'

She adopted her most angelic look and finally Ginny cracked a smile. 'No problem. Anyway, as I was saying, this book is going to solve all of your problems. Just follow its advice and soon you'll have Ron lusting after you,'

'Are you sure?' she asked, still feeling very sceptical about the whole thing. 'You are not making a fool out of me are you?'

Ginny gave an exasperated sigh and shook her head. 'No, dearie. I am trying to help you. Still, if you feel like waiting till my brother gets his head out of his arse to notice you, you are welcome,' With that, Ginny started to walk out of the room with the book in her hand.

Damn you, Hermione! There goes your only chance at getting Ron, a voice in her head yelled at her, take the book, you idiot!

After a short debate with the voice in her head, the voice won over. In her desperation to get to the book, she leapt off her bed in the perfect imitation of a frog and landed hard on a very surprised Ginny. 'Ow! Hermione, what do you think you are doing?'

'I'm sorry,' she panted, snatching the book away from Ginny. 'I just wanted to borrow this book from you,'

'Why didn't you just ask me, instead of jumping on me like that?' Ginny winced a bit as she stood up, rubbing her elbows.

'Er - I don't know, it didn't cross my mind,'

Ginny gave her a very odd look and said, 'Merlin, I hope this works. I seriously want the old Hermione back,'

'Me, too,' she whispered softly, smiling as she examined the witch as she winked up at Hermione. 'I'll start work on it from tomorrow,'

'Great! Wait, let me just point out the ones you might want to try out,' cried Ginny.

For the rest of the evening, the girls decided on which of the instructions to follow from 101 Ways to Charm Your Man.