A Plague of Legends

Prologue: Of Glass Mountains and Ruby Hearts

Or, The World

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess, so lovely that even the stars themselves sighed whenever she passed under them. From one look into her eyes, hardened murderers would begin their lives anew, artists would go insane, and inspired ballads would spring fully conceived from the mouths of bards and minstrels. She was simply that exquisite. This princess was betrothed to an equally handsome prince, and everything was going rather well in their lives until she was captured by an evil wizard who was smitten by her beauty. Enamored of her star-like eyes, her ivory throat, her midnight hair, he demanded her love and her hand. However, the princess was heartbroken, and she would have none but her prince. She spurned the advances of her captor, and soon was thrown into a cell until such time as she became amenable to the wizard's suit. Denied proper food, clothing, and care, despairing of ever gaining her freedom, she languished in the wizard's dungeon, praying for her prince to come save her. Then, one day after months of what must have seemed like futile waiting, her prince finally did appear. He burst through the dungeon doors and swept her off her feet, forestalling her queries with fervent kisses. It was not until they came to the sorcerer's throne room and the princess saw the sorcerer's broken body that the prince began to explain. The wizard in an attempt to transcend death had captured his life force in a precious ruby. He then hid the jewel in the lair of a dragon on the top of a mountain of glass which was surrounded by a lake of liquid fire. With the power of love, the prince was able to surmount all of the wizard's obstacles and destroy the jewel, freeing his love from her captor forever. The prince had been aided in his adventures by a small elf, former retainer of the abusive wizard. Upon hearing of her prince's trials and adventures, the princess wept with joy, and together they triumphantly returned home.

That is the story as Muggles tell it. Here is the truth.

One day several hundred years ago a dark wizard was contemplating his most recent failed attempt to summon a demon lord. It had come to him one morning while he was utilizing his chamber pot, that the final test of a true dark wizard was that of a demon summoning. Having reached this conclusion, there was nothing for him to do but summon a demon. It was a matter of honor and pride in one's chosen profession. Hence his current predicament: despite the sacrifices of what he considered to have been ten thoroughly satisfactory maidens, he had still made no progress in the summoning. After much careful thought, he decided that the maidens he'd offered earlier had not been pure enough, or of high enough status. Of course, the fact that they had been Muggles was also a small problem, but it wasn't as though he could sacrifice a real human girl, now could he? After much searching, using his monogrammed looking glass, he found the perfect answer to his problems. Without further ado, he abducted the aforementioned princess, locked her in one of the guest suites, and began the lengthy preparations for the ritual. It was thus to his almost complete surprise when one evening a few days later he found a man of the Muggle persuasion rudely banging on the gates to his estate. And if that didn't snap the boundaries of acceptable public behavior, the man had the unbelievable gall to demand the return of his betrothed (one very content, if oblivious, princess who was at that moment dining on raw oysters and champagne with the wizard's wife). Why, if the wizard had not needed the chit for his darling ritual he would have slaughtered her publicly as a lesson in common courtesy. After all, one does not bang. One knocks. Of course, one might argue (or, more specifically, the lady of the manor might mildly observe) that it had been ages since the wizard had renewed his Muggle-repellant spells, thus removing some of the blame from that utterly rude Muggle. But one would also think that the wards' potency would not have completely faded after thirty years. Shaking his head at the sad state of affairs, the wizard hexed the Muggle and went back to his altar.

However, not even the loss of several key body parts stopped the stupid git. He not only scaled the gates (which happened to be about ten feet high topped by some lovely sharp spikes), but even went so far as to continue his banging on the house's front doors. Using one of the stone dragon statues that he'd nabbed from the flower gardens.

Now, at this point the dark wizard considered just killing the nuisance, but after some careful thought and deep breathing exercises he remembered that all of his magic had to be conserved for the upcoming rite. Even if that statue had been bloody expensive and in the family for generations. After a bit more pondering, he instructed one of the house elves to go out and slip the man some rubbish about only being able to defeat the wizard if he found and destroyed the gem which housed the sorcerer's "life force." Now the part about the stone wasn't entirely false, but the directions that the house elf gave were to the paddocks of his master's illegal dragon ranch. Which was situated on the top of a mountain enchanted to look like glass. This 'glass mountain' was itself stuck right in the dead center of a lake that took on the appearance of lava whenever unregistered visitors happened upon the premises (anyone from Muggles to nuisances like representatives from organizations such as the Society Against Magical Animal Cruelty).

In truth, the prince made it remarkably far before turning tail and running- the combination of state of the art Muggle repellants (installed the morning after the Front Gate Incident) and seething flames at his feet were more than enough to convince him that he had urgent business elsewhere. And what of the princess? Well, the moment she was spread onto the altar (dark wizard gleefully rubbing his hands) a demon lord appeared and immediately began his business of raping and then killing the girl. As thanks for the most luscious piece, er... present gifted him, the demon signed a blood pact with the dark wizard that would protect the wizard and his family for as long as they were in existence. And in the end, the wizard did get a good chuckle out of the whole episode- after all, what idiot would house his power in something as breakable as a stone? Let alone a stone in the middle of a dragon ranch.