Alice

Chapter Four

Alice eventually stumbled from the Potions classroom. She could feel herself shaking in revulsion. She was so consumed with her own thoughts that she didn't realize where she was until she was knocking on Remus' door.

Remus opened the door, took one look at Alice's face, and stood aside to let her in.

"What's wrong?"

Alice shook her head. "I...here's your potion."

"Alice," Remus said sternly.

Alice looked at Remus. "I can't tell you... not yet anyway. I need to owl my Father. Can you look after Madox for a bit?"

Remus crossed his arms over his chest.

"Not until you tell me what has got you so upset."

Alice looked at Remus; she didn't want to tell him for fear of how he would react.

"I found something...don't ask me what," Alice said holding up her hands as if to push Remus away. "I need to tell Father so he can confirm some things for me."

"Were you snooping in Severus' office?"

"Yeah," said Alice guiltily.

Remus let out a sigh, shook his head, and looked at the ceiling.

"I promise I'll tell you when I get an owl from my Father."

"Okay, okay -- but there isn't going to be a repeat of last weekends behavior is there?"

"No."

"Fine. Make yourself at home Madox."

The little fox had already done so; he looked up sleepily from Remus' couch, a faint smile playing about his mouth.

"Can I borrow some parchment and a quill please?"

"Well, why don't you make yourself at home too?" Remus sounded angry but he was smiling. Alice decided that there was something attractive about Remus when he smiled.

Remus walked over to the sideboard, opened a drawer and brought out parchment and a quill for Alice.

Alice wrote a brief note to her father outlining the book she had found and some of what it contained. She concluded by asking for any intelligence of Snape's recent activities.

She stuffed the note into a pocket in her robes, shouted, "back soon," and practically ran up to the owlery to send her owl, leaving Remus to wonder yet again about how much trouble he had gotten himself into hiring Alice.

The next day at lunch, Alice received her reply. She looked at the letter and wondered whether she should open it now or wait until later.

"You have your reply I see," Remus whispered. "Well, are you going to open it?" Remus was plainly curious about what Alice had found.

Alice grabbed some sandwiches and stood up, "Well come on then. Your room, less chance of being disturbed."

The two of them made their way silently down to Remus' room. Once inside Alice tore open the envelope and read the enclosed letter.

Alice,

We need to discuss what you have found. It is not what it seems. I'll see you in the Three Broomsticks at 4pm Monday.

Love Dad.

Alice was puzzled.

"What did you find?"

Alice had forgotten Remus was in the room and she jumped a little.

"A book."

"Is that all? I'm sure Severus has lots of bo..."

"It had potions in it, potions I've never heard of Remus -- the effects and consequences..." Alice shuddered, "Potions to induce comas, to torture you and even freeze the blood."

Remus blanched.

"I see."

"They were written in Snape's hand. I think he may have developed them."

"Alice, you need to sit down."

Alice sat down and fixed Remus with a cautious look.

"There are some things you need to know, that we should have told you earlier. Alice, Severus Snape is a spy. Dumbledore is using him to spy on Voldemort."

"But that still doesn't..."

Remus held up his hand to silence her. "Alice, he was Voldemort's right hand. He refined his potion making skills under Voldemort."

"I know. He wrote and told me. On Friday."

"Severus wrote to you?"

Alice nodded.

"About what?"

"His past; how he is an orphan; how he feels guilty for what he did in the service of Voldemort; how Voldemort took him in and exploited him. I think Voldemort was the first person to take him seriously, to listen to him. Almost a friend. I don't think he had many at school."

Remus hung his head and sighed.

"That's true, he didn't. I behaved very badly toward him, and so did Sirius and James. I...we almost killed him one night," Remus said quietly.

A silence hung in the air. Alice stared at Remus, her mind racing. She wasn't sure who was the animal any more. Her opinions were forming and changing so quickly that she was in utter turmoil.

"Alice, you know for him to go back empty handed, well, alarm bells would ring."

"Yes." Alice felt winded.

"Alice, how do I tell you this." Remus was pacing the room. "Severus has been put under a lot of pressure by Voldemort to prove his loyalty once more. He has developed certain potions; well you've seen some of them. Although I had no idea how bad."

Alice shook her head in disbelief.

"No, how could he do this? It's betrayal. To maim, kill our own people."

Remus came and sat down next to Alice.

"I know it is hard to accept but it has to be done. Severus believes that none of the potions he has handed over yet have been used. That they are being stockpiled. But Alice, there may come a time when you have to replace Severus as Potions Master. Pressure is being brought to bear on him, his loyalty is being questioned."

Alice stared at Remus. "So that's why we have to get along."

Remus nodded. "Alice, no one must know that we have spoken of this. If Dumbledore knew I'd spoken to you he would be furious."

Alice nodded, too shocked to speak.

"He hasn't given over the worst potions. I don't think he will, out of respect for Dumbledore."

Remus picked up Alice's hand and held it tightly between his. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah," Alice said hoarsely, almost on the verge of tears.

"No one said fighting Voldemort was going to be easy. We all need to make sacrifices for the greater good."

"I know, I know." Alice rested her head on Remus' shoulder and he put an arm around her.

"My father knows all this, doesn't he?"

"And more. Don't forget he is Lucius Malfoy's confidante as well."

A thought pushed its way into Alice's mind that made her feel sick again. What if her Father...no, she pushed the thought away.

They sat like that on the couch for a while. Alice's mind drifting over what she had discovered during the course of the week. She found herself re-evaluating her opinion of Snape. In light of what Remus had told her, perhaps he wasn't the most frightful man in Britain after all.

Alice eventually sat up and neatened the folds of her skirt.

"We need to get up to the classroom. We're showing 'Empire Strikes Back' in half an hour."

Remus looked at Alice. "Are you going to be okay?"

Alice smiled. "I'll be fine. Anyway, it's not me we should be worried about."

Remus looked at Alice and felt a slight tightening of his heart.

*** *** *** ***

When they arrived at the Dark Arts classroom, Ron and Harry were waiting with two very excited boys who appeared to be Muggle dueling with their wands.

"Luke, I am your Father."

"No, it's not true."

Alice laughed for what felt like the first time in months.

"I see some students have already seen the movie, more than once I would suggest?"

The two boys stopped dueling and grinned as Remus introduced them.

"Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnigan, another two of my Gryffindor sixth years."

"Hello. Star Wars fans by any chance?"

The two boys nodded.

Slowly the classroom filled up with students and teachers alike, some curious about Muggle movies and others, like Ron, came because Muggle students couldn't stop going on about the film.

The film had just gotten to Luke's meeting with Yoda, when Snape burst into the room, earning him a glare from most of the students and Professor McGonagall who was thoroughly enjoying herself.

"Professor Kyteler, do you have a minute?"

Alice stood up from her seat at the back of the class and wove her way out of the packed classroom, trying not to step on students as she went. She closed the door quietly behind her and turned to face Snape when she felt one of his hands close around her throat and his wand pressing against her chest. Alice took a deep breath in and her eyes widened slightly in fear and surprise. Snape leaned in and spoke in a barely audible whisper.

"Professor Kyteler, I have just spent an illuminating weekend with your father at Malfoy Manor."

"Yes," Alice said hesitatingly, feeling herself blush slightly.

"I was with your father when he received your owl."

"Oh."

"Yes, 'oh.'" Snape glared at Alice and then he let go of her. He sighed and looked down at his feet. Alice rubbed her throat and eyed him cautiously, wondering why he had suddenly let her go.

"I will not pretend that I am not furious at your invasion of my privacy. However, your father persuaded me that you might be of some help to me."

"How?"

Snape looked at the door to the DADA classroom. "Perhaps here isn't the best place to talk; if you would follow me, Professor."

It wasn't a question, it was an order, and Alice had no choice but to follow. Strangely, instead of going to the Potions classroom, Snape took Alice to his private quarters in the dungeons. On entering his quarters Alice was amazed. Two sumptuous dark gray couches dominated the room. On the flagstone floors were oriental rugs and once again there were overflowing bookshelves. Closed double doors led to what Alice presumed was a bedroom. A small kitchen led off to the left. There was even a fireplace with a fire blazing. The whole effect was welcoming and cozy, an effect enhanced by the smell of lemon and sandalwood.

Snape walked over to a bookshelf and pushed at a book that triggered a mechanism forcing the bookshelf to slide back and to the left. It revealed a courtyard. Alice was impressed and more than a bit jealous.

"Impressive."

Snape raised his eyebrows and smirked at Alice.

"Consider yourself lucky Professor, only one other person at Hogwarts knows of my sanctuary and I would like it to remain that way. Come through."

Alice followed Snape into his courtyard and looked around. There were a few plants, mainly ferns and a smattering of pots with liverworts and lichen, but not many as Alice guessed the courtyard didn't get much direct sunlight. She looked up, the four walls seemed to stretch into the sky. She heard the sound of trickling water and noticed the green smears of slime on the walls and the damp flagstones at the base of the walls. A metal bench, so old there was only a glimpse of paint on it, sat at an angle in one of the corners.

Snape walked over and sat down. Alice followed suit, gazing around her. It should have been an intimidating place, but Alice found it strangely calming.

"I apologize for my greeting earlier, Professor. My demons rise to the surface very easily, especially if provoked, and a weekend with Lucius Malfoy will do that to me. Subconsciously I think I wanted you to find that book, otherwise I would have locked my office."

Alice looked at the ground; she didn't know what to say.

Snape hesitated before carrying on.

"That book...it contains, as you have seen, potions that I devised not only with Voldemort, but more recently on my own. As a show of my 'loyalty' I have been making batches of them for the other side to store for use in various operations. I spent the weekend at Malfoy Manor brewing some 'Comatus'. Unfortunately, such is my position with that lot I am no longer in the inner circle. I am no longer privy to the plans and schemes. At the moment, Voldemort is treating me as a foot soldier, waiting to see if my loyalty is a sham. Being invited to Malfoy Manor is a step forward, a step toward being readmitted to the inner circle."

Snape sighed and let go of the folds of his robes that he had been balling up. Alice looked at him and noticed that his eyes were blacker than normal. She waited for him to go on.

"I am working on making antidotes for these horrors. Your father thinks you may be able to help and is bringing something with him tomorrow that he thinks could be useful." Snape turned and looked at Alice. "Will you help me? I may be called away at anytime and I need to know that my work will be finished."

"Of course I'll help. Anything to weaken Voldemort's power." Alice smiled.

"Thank you Alice; you have shown me more tolerance and understanding than I deserve, or am capable of. Can we start tomorrow after dinner?"

Alice nodded.

They sat together in silence listening to the sound of falling water until Alice remembered that she had to feed and walk Madox.

*** *** *** ***

The next day at 3:30, Alice left the castle and walked to Hogsmeade. She hadn't slept much last night and had found herself snapping at her second years who she was teaching blocking spells to. Everytime she had thought she was about to fall asleep she found herself thinking about potions, and much to Alice's consternation, the Potions Master. She had also spent half the night going over her conversation with Remus. She was beginning to piece together Dumbledore's plan. As she did so, Alice realized that a lot of responsibility would be coming her way over the next couple of months and she wasn't entirely sure that she was ready for it. But then again, would she ever be ready for something like this? As she lay in the dark, Alice wished more than once that she had a sanctuary like Snape's to escape to.

She reached Hogsmeade just before four and made her way to the Three Broomsticks. Once inside it took Alice a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the dim light. When they did, she saw her father leaning against the bar. Declan Kyteler was a tall, good looking, imposing man. To the casual observer he appeared to be quite daunting and formidable, but to Alice he was as malleable as a kitten. He smiled when he saw Alice and his whole face lit up. He walked over to her and enveloped her in a bear hug.

"Good to see you, Princess, but you're looking tired." Concern creased Declan's brow.

"Didn't get much sleep last night."

"Those students of yours causing you grief?"

"No, the Professors are."

Declan laughed; "Ah yes, I heard about your first weekend from Severus. Why don't we sit and you can tell me all about it."

They ordered whiskey from Madam Rosemerta and found a booth at the back in the dimness. Declan cast a sound proofing spell so they couldn't be overheard.

"Now before you tell me about your misadventures, your Grandfather left you this. Your Mother and I decided that now was a very good time for you to get it."

He pushed a large, oblong box over to Alice. She took the lid off and gasped. It was her Grandfather's apothecary book. All his notes and potions were in it. The book was priceless; she could see why it might help with antidotes. Alice put the lid back on, got up and hugged her father.

"Thanks, this will be a big help."

Her father looked at her speculatively.

"I hope so. So how are you really getting on?"

"Okay." Alice sighed and then recounted her tale of the previous weekend's debacle, explaining about Remus and what she and Snape had fought over.

"Alice, I can fight my own battles."

"I know Dad, but you weren't there. Snape was frightful."

"But the two of you have got over that now?"

"Well, we can work together without wands being drawn and unforgivable curses cast."

Declan smiled at his daughter.

"Oh, I think you underestimate Professor Snape. He is quite capable of putting personal differences aside for the betterment of his work and good causes. We had quite a long talk on the weekend." Declan smiled. "After I'd calmed him down when he found out you'd been snooping in his office."

"And how did Snape find out about that?"

"Well I might have confronted him at wand point about it."

Alice looked at her father and shook her head.

"Now I know where I get my temper from."

Alice turned serious all of a sudden.

"Dad, I'm just going to ask this. How can you be so close to Lucius Malfoy and not be a Death Eater? I mean you aren't a Death Eater are you?"

Declan looked at Alice and thought about what he could say to his daughter. He couldn't lie to her, so he just came out with the truth.

"Lucius is arranging for me to be initiated."

Alice sat back and looked at her father.

"How? When?"

"I don't know when, but with Voldemort's influence spreading, Lucius has been pressuring me to get the Dark Mark, to show my true loyalty. I don't think that I can not do it. The Ministry agrees with me."

"The Ministry?...Dad do you know what this will mean, if you do this...this thing?"

"Yes," Declan said quietly.

Alice opened her mouth to speak, but found that she couldn't talk, she was so angry. Declan reached across the table for Alice's hand, but she snatched it away.

"I can't believe you would betray generations of Kyteler's like this."

"Alice..."

"No, you don't deserve to be listened to." Alice got up, but Declan was to quick for her and blocked her from leaving the booth.

"Sit down, Alice, and listen," he said firmly. "I have no choice, I made my decision on the weekend. I talked to Severus about it and then owled Dumbledore. They both agree with me. I don't have a choice."

"Yes you do. Run."

"I can't, Alice. I'm going to be initiated, but at least I'll be an operative with Severus. I will make sure some good comes of this."

"Will you have to kill people?"

"Probably."

Alice looked at her father. "But innocent people." She shook her head in disbelief. "Oh, Dad. There are other ways to help."

"It's for the greater good Alice."

"I'm having trouble believing that, father." Alice sat staring at her father for a couple of minutes and then got up to leave.

"I don't know what is up and what is down anymore, but I know this. If you become a Death Eater, then I don't want to know you. You won't have a daughter anymore."

Alice picked up her grandfather's book and hugged it to her chest. It felt like the only stable thing in her life. She walked quickly away from the table without saying goodbye to her father or even looking back.

Once outside, she started to run as the tears poured down her face. She didn't know who she was anymore, let alone anyone else.