Harry Potter and the Rise of the Phoenix

* * * * *
No one cries like a mother cries
For peace on earth.
She never got to say goodbye,
To see the color in his eyes.
Now he's in the dirt.
That's peace on earth.

U2 ~ Peace on Earth
* * * * *

Ron normally didn't mind playing wizards' chess with Harry, even if Harry was an abysmal player. It was one of the few things that he, Ron, had always been better at, even better than Hermione. Only Ginny had a chance at winning against him (He would not think about his dad!) and that was because he had taught her all she knew. Even though Harry was so far below him, he tried and that's why Ron enjoyed playing against him. Harry knew he would lose; they could probably count Harry's wins for all of the last seven years on one hand. But, even with that knowledge, Harry played, and played to win. And, as Harry did with everything else, he attacked it with such ferocity, with such attention, with such intensity, that Ron didn't mind dumbing it down a bit to stretch the game out.

Which was why the game this morning was bothering Ron so much. Harry wasn't playing with that normal zeal, not even a pale ghost of it. He was distracted, lost in thought and it wasn't about his next move. They hadn't spoken about the events of earlier, and they wouldn't until Ron understood why it had happened. If Ron had a say about it, they wouldn't talk about it at all in front of Ginny or Hermione. Neither of them needed to know; heck, Ron wished he didn't. Sometimes, as he knew well, ignorance was bliss. Just look at Hermione and S.P.E.W. She had been just fine eating those feasts until Nearly Headless Nick told her about the house elves.

But, back to Harry. Ron took his best mate's queen, wondering why Harry hadn't carried her just a few more squares diagonal to check his king. Ron wasn't sure what he was waiting for, what the signal was that would let Harry tell them what he had seen. Hadn't Harry said something about Thia? Harry moved one of his bishops and Ron sighed.

Honestly, Harry, couldn't you see that I'm just going to take that in two moves? And two moves later, the bishop was gone, left to be captured, not rescued. Another two moves later, Ron had Harry check mated.

"Budge over, luv, I want to play," Ginny said, pushing Harry playfully out of his armchair. Harry stood, Ginny sat, and Harry rested against the side of the chair, Ginny's right arm wrapped loosely around his legs. Harry's left hand absently played with Ginny's wild hair, while he stared at the flames burning in the fireplace.

Ginny, as Ron had expected, was more of a challenge. He couldn't tell if the two girls had picked up on the undercurrent between Harry and him, but he suspected it. Ginny chattered away, talking about nothing at all: something about Charlie and his girlfriend that Fred had written her about, something about Bill and Melissa's wedding, something funny that had happened in Potions the other day, something about getting their robes fitted, and other such things.

Hermione, on the other hand was reading a Muggle paperback, lying stretched out on the couch. At least, she was pretending to read. Ron knew her better than that; she was watching Harry and Ron over the very top of the book, her free hand absently scratching Crookshanks' head. A slight frown had developed as she watched Harry. Ron looked up (after capturing Ginny's king-side rook) at his best mate and realized he was staring not at the flames anymore, but at his healed wrist, his hand no longer playing with Ginny's hair.

Ron felt a frown develop as well, but he covered it up with a grimace as Ginny managed to trap him. He either had to sacrifice his queen to protect his king, or she would have the game in four, if not five moves. How had he let that happen? Giving up the queen and frustrating Ginny at the same time, Ron turned his thoughts back to Harry.

None of the other boys in the dorm knew what to think about Harry's episode this morning. Seamus had gone into the bathroom about five minutes after the shower started to clean his teeth, Dean right after, and Neville after that. By that time, Harry was out of the shower and Ron didn't think Harry would appreciate it if he figured out they weren't going to leave him alone. Instead, Ron had hovered near the door, listening intently and carefully. As soon as he heard Harry turn off the sink faucet, Ron retreated to his area of the room and busied himself in getting dressed. Soon after, the two friends headed downstairs and started a game of wizards' chess.

None of them had expected it, to be truthful. Sure, Ron had suspected that Voldie might have been holding Revelries so frequently to try to drive Harry to suicide, but he had never really fully believed it. That just seemed... too underhanded... even for Woldie-mort. Ron wasn't sure if he believed Harry's "I didn't realize I was cutting my wrist" bit, but he felt like he had too. It's what best mates did after all, but... The implications of that were almost as bad as the "I did it on purpose" bit. But, Harry had really seemed... stunned, looking down at his wrist.

"Ron, Ginny, I need you to come with me," Bill's voice said from behind him. Harry had already stood up straight and moved to follow. "Yes, you too, Harry, and you, Hermione," Bill added. Ginny and Ron exchanged the smallest of looks. There was something in Bill's voice, something... hollow... that reminded Ron of a time he didn't want to think of. Ron watched Harry raise his eyebrow slightly and Bill nodded his head imperceptibly. What was that about?

The four of them followed Bill to Professor McGonagall's office. He hadn't been in the office since the Gryffindor/Slytherin brawl, and did not like the implications of needing to go there for whatever it was Bill needed to tell them and for whatever it was that Harry had seen.

It's almost like... Something couldn't have happened... No...

They waited quietly as the staircase ascended, Harry fidgeting with the cuff of his robe and Hermione grabbing a hold of Ron's hand tightly. Ginny tapped her foot in a brief staccato beat, and Bill ended up adding a beat to compliment it. An old game the seven of them used to play. Ron tapped his fingers on the handrail absentmindedly. The twins would always throw in such strange and complicated beats, but it always would, without a doubt, fit in with what their less adventurous siblings would pick. Ron hadn't realized how much he'd missed this game, how much he'd missed each of his brothers as they'd moved out over the years.

They were at the top of the stairs, before Ron was ready for it. Bill knocked briefly and entered. Then Ron was inside the office and froze. Ginny pushed past him and gathered Mum into her arms, not knowing what was wrong, but knowing that Mum needed her. Ron hadn't seen her cry like that since Dad died. George and Fred leaned against the wall behind the door, arms crossed, grim looks on their faces. Charlie and Percy weren't there.

No... It... It... It couldn't be them... They had to be on their way. Yes, they were on their way. London was a long way off, after all.

"What's the matter, Mum?" Ginny was asking. Ron was staring at the Auror Commander standing calmly by McGonagall's desk. Thia... she had made Harry not tell anyone. Was... was she trying to protect them? Mum looked, through her tears, at Thia questioningly.

"I told Harry not to tell them," Thia explained. Molly nodded in understanding.

No... please, Merlin, not this again... London was a long way off... They'd be here any sec--

"It wouldn't be fair to Harry," Thia continued. She took a deep breath and went on. "Last night, Voldemort attacked the flat where Percy and Charlie lived." Ron felt his breath catch in his throat.

"Lived?" Ginny asked, pulling away from Mum to look at Thia fully. It was such a small voice, a voice Ron recognized from last summer. Mum burst into more tears and Bill enfolded her in a strong embrace.

No, no, no, no... In the name of all that is good and right in this world, anything but this...

"Their roommates are dead," Thia said, her voice emotionless and neutral. "Charlie and Percy were both admitted to St. Mungo's."

"They'll be alright, then?" Ginny asked hopefully, Ron unable to find words of relief at that news, taking a deep breath of life giving oxygen. Thia looked at the wall with all the portraits of the former Headmasters and Mistresses.

Good Gryffindor, not them... Please, don't let them be dead too!

"They've been admitted with heavy Cruciatus damage," Thia went on, her voice still perfectly controlled. Ron suspected that she had had too much practice giving messages like this to other families and the act didn't fool him. "Percy isn't expected to recover. They aren't sure about Charlie yet. He... well, they're just not sure."

Bloody hell... no... Ron opened his mouth to talk, but found he had no air in his lungs to say anything. He took a deep breath.

"When are we leaving?" he asked, as he realized that he was sitting. He stood to use his height to his advantage, trying to remember when he had sat down in the first place.

"You aren't," McGonagall said firmly. Ron opened his mouth to protest, but the Headmistress cut him off. "No, Mr. Weasley, you aren't leaving. Your family is being targeted, has been this whole war. It is not safe for you to leave Hogwarts' wards. Your mother will be permitted to visit them under guard, but she will be moving into a guest suite here. I don't feel safe letting her stay at Grimmauld Place even." Ron stared at McGonagall for several long, tense moments.

He wasn't allowed to see his brothers. They were all being kept at Hogwarts where it was nice and safe. Where they couldn't try and help them. Where they were kept in the dark. Where--

"You knew!" Ron whirled around to face Harry. He stepped into Harry's personal space and pushed the other boy's shoulder, hard. "You knew and you didn't tell us! You were going to kill yourself so that you didn't have to face us! Coward!" He shoved Harry's shoulders hard enough to force Harry to step back to recover his balance. "Bastard!"

"What?" Ginny asked, standing up to face Harry as well.

"I did not almost kill myself," Harry responded defensively, stepping back one more step to get away from Ginny's anger as well as Ron's. "A cut across the wrist like that has to be a hell of a lot deeper to kill a person, Ron." Ginny stopped advancing on Harry, her body language betraying her anger and surprise at that statement.

"What?" Thia asked.

"Neville woke us up, said he heard noises in the bathroom, something shattering and that Harry wasn't in his bed," Ron explained bitterly, answering before Harry could try to smooth it over, never taking his eyes off of the other boy. He always got away with things! How could he keep this from them? Well, Ron would make sure he didn't get away with it this time. "Then we heard a distorted shout, something about wanting to die. We all rushed to the bathroom door, and there was Harry, blood dripping from his wrist."

"That's not what happened at all!" Harry shouted back, eyes sweeping everyone in the room, even Fred and George behind him. Similar looks filled with betrayal and hurt were on each face and Ron was sure his was no different. "Well, I mean, I did cut my wrist," Ron heard Mum give another sob at this and he had a hard time not punching Harry for hurting her more, "and I did shatter Dean's razor, but I didn't shout anything about wanting to die. Maybe something about not wanting to die, I know I was thinking that pretty loud. I'd been thinking... about... just..."

He trailed off, staring at his left wrist, the thumb from his right hand tracing it softly. Harry sank into the chair he had backed into. Harry stopped talking, and Ron watched the frown that twisted his best friend's face. Harry ran a hand through his hair and continued, though Ron realized he was changing the subject on them.

"But... Charlie... he wasn't cursed with the Cruciatus much... He was under the Imperius more... was forced to..." Harry shook his head, as if to get the thoughts and memories out. Ron wondered what the Death Eaters had made his brother do. "And... well... Terry O'Murray... she's a bi--" he paused and looked up suddenly.

"What?" Thia asked worriedly. That was a look she'd seen on Lily's face whenever she realized she'd forgotten something important.

"Thursday night, there was a small Revelry in the cathedral," Harry said faintly. Ron noticed the sense of panic and horror start to over come Harry as the other was obviously realizing something awful. "Reaper... Terry... she... she came and... Charlie must have told her."

"What's this about Terry?" Mum asked perplexed. She and Ginny, heck even the twins, but particularly Mum and Ginny really liked Charlie's new girlfriend. She was so much better than the last one.

"She's a Death Eater, she and her friend both," Harry stated as calmly as he could. "Charlie had given her a key to the flat, and... she...they... those two are worst than Bellatrix on their own. They feed off one another and are just horrible together."

"Terry O'Murray, a Death Eater?" Bill asked slowly. "No, I think you must be wrong." Ron had to agree. The few times he had met the witch, she had been anything but evil and dark. Nothing as bad as Bellatrix Lestrange, that's for sure.

"No, really, she is," Harry said earnestly. "Short, red, curly hair, Irish accent, very athletic. She had a key to the apartment, and came from a date with Charlie straight to the Revelry. Voldemort kept her from saying anything specific in front of me, and when it was apparent that she had to give more details, he kicked me out."

"Terry O'Murray happens to be one of the most admired Quidditch players from the Isles," Thia said thoughtfully. Ron couldn't tell if she believed Harry or not. He couldn't tell if he did or not. Charlie couldn't have had this bad of luck picking girls, could he? Thia continued, "No one will believe it. I'll need more proof than this. Though, there was no forced entry, maybe I can get a small task force following her on that. We'll bring her in for questioning, but, we have to do it carefully. As if we were just asking Charlie's girlfriend, not a suspected Death Eater. Of course, I could just put Moody on the case, and it wouldn't seem like he was treating her different one way or the other."

"Are you alright, Harry?" Mum asked, worriedly. Ron could tell she was switching into take care mode to forget about why she needed to be taken care of. Ron felt resentful about that. For one, she shouldn't have to be worried about Charlie and Percy. For another, Harry's stupid choice this morning shouldn't be given sympathy. Though, Ron had to grudgingly admit that the distraction would help her; it had last summer after Dad had died.

"I'm--I'm as good as could be expected," Harry said in a monotone that frightened Ron. He looked up at Harry, and could see Harry putting himself through his normal guilt trip.

"Stop it," Thia said, a stern commander's voice snapping Harry to the present. "I'm sorry that I couldn't talk with you more after you came to me this morning."

"I know you couldn't," Harry muttered, looking down at his hands. "You had to help Charlie and Percy." Ron felt torn between worrying about his friend and worrying about his brothers. He couldn't do both. He... he'd explode if he tried, but how could he choose? Either way he let someone down. Hermione moved to his side, entwining her fingers with his, squeezing them reassuringly in support.

"I should have floo'ed for Remus, though," she said angrily. Ron looked at her, surprised by the vehemence she felt for herself. "I'm such a horrible almost Godmother."

"No, you're not," Harry assured her, his eyes wide in surprise. "Honest, I needed to think. I would have just brushed Remus off. I got a lot of thinking done."

"Obviously, not good thinking," Ginny said ruefully.

"No, it was a good thing," Harry assured her. "Just a moment or two of self-pity and fear about how you would respond, that's all, honest. But... something... I just got a few things sorted out and... No... It was a good thinking session."

"If you say so," Hermione said softly, not looking at Harry. Ron could feel the slight tremor shaking her body as she held back tears. Hermione was not taking this well, but... neither had he...

"Look, do you guys want me to cancel the D.A.?" Harry asked. Both Ron and Ginny shook their heads emphatically. No way was Harry getting out of that party, Parvati and Lavender had spent hours cooking it up.

"Merlin, if we're stuck here, I need something to do," Ginny said forcefully. Ron watched her return to Mum to hug her. "You sure we--"

"No," Mum said tearfully. "You're staying at Hogwarts." Ron and Ginny both knew better than to argue when Mum was in that mood. They nodded dutifully. "Now, Kingsley is giving up his free time to take me to see them now, so, I need to go. I'll make sure to see you when I'm back, alright? Ginny?" Ginny nodded. "Ron?" She looked at him reaching a hand out to each of them, her eyes filled with sorrow and concern and love and not just for her two sons in St. Mungo's.

"Yeah, Mum."

"Good. Behave, please, and don't do something foolish to try and come," she scolded needlessly. Her arms wrapped around Ginny and she said something to her. Ron was next and Mum said something about him being strong for Ginny, Hermione, and Harry. She knew he would and she had faith in him. Harry whispered something in Mum's ear, but he couldn't catch the words. Mum shook her head, hugged Harry once more for good measure, and then the four students left the office, silent.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Harry said after they had walked down a few corridors. "I wanted to, I did... well... I didn't really, but... you guys deserved to know. And, I didn't want to keep it from you, wasn't really. Thia just wanted to find out more and then tell you."

"She probably didn't think it fair for you always being the bearer of bad news," Hermione said softly. "Was it horrible?"

"Worse than anything I've seen," Harry said just as quietly. Ron scowled at the laughing, cheerful students they passed in the halls. No one deserved to laugh! "I mean, they're Percy and Charlie, aren't they? They're family. I... It was a long night."

"What did they make Charlie do under the Imperius?" Ginny asked in a small scared voice, and Ron knew she really didn't want to know. And yet, they both waited, breaths held, for the answer, needing to know.

"They... they made... him..." Harry stopped talking, stopped walking, and waited for Ron and Ginny to face him. "They made him torture Percy." Ginny gasped and Ron felt what little color the walk had restored seep from his face.

"Charlie was the most protective of Percy," Ron informed Harry and Hermione. "Bill and Percy didn't get along well, and Charlie always felt he had to protect the first of his little brothers because of that. And then the twins came along and they never gave Percy any rest and Charlie was always beating up on the twins because of it."

"Do you remember the letter Charlie wrote when he heard about Percy?" Ginny mumbled. Ron nodded, continuing on down the corridor, not wanting to think of that. Harry, Ginny, and Hermione followed him, hurrying to catch up with Ron's long strides. "He didn't believe it. Of course, he didn't send Mum that letter, he sent it to Bill and then he sent one to the twins, threatening them for whatever they had done. He wouldn't believe it."

"How'd they convince him of it then?" Hermione asked. Ron slowed as she dragged on his arm. Harry took the lead, Ginny's hand gripping his tightly.

"He visited," Ginny replied tersely, pulling Harry along faster. She was angry, Ron could tell. It hadn't been a good visit. "Well, he stopped by long enough to say hi to Mum and then he went to see Percy." She grunted in anger, and Harry stopped to pull her to him, holding her as she started to sob. Ron stopped, several steps behind them, and watched. Hermione nestled underneath his arm, and he wrapped her in his arms. She pulled him even closer and Ron rested his head on top of hers.

It was hard to believe.

Charlie.

It couldn't be Charlie.

Ron started to shake, remembering the chance meeting with Neville on the closed ward. That was their fate. Charlie and Percy stuck in that ward. Charlie, the brother who was always doing something, always active, always bringing home strays, always tramping around. It was Charlie who had found all the good hiding places in the woods, who found the clearing that became the Quidditch pitch.

"Come on," Harry said, pulling Ginny down the corridor, looking back to make sure Ron and Hermione would follow. Ron didn't really want to move, but Harry pleaded with his eyes, begging Hermione to drag him along. Hermione nodded and started to walk away, leaving Ron alone. Not wanting to be alone or left behind, Ron followed, his thoughts continuing.

And then, there was Percy. The white sheep of a family filled with black sheep. None of Mum's sons had ever lived as she had hoped and dreamed. Bill grew his hair out long; sure, he had been Head Boy, but... a cool Head Boy. Charlie went chasing after dragons, a job any mother would hate for her little boy. The twins ran a joke shop. He, himself, was already engaged. Percy had been her hope; he had had a good job, he didn't grow his hair out, nor did he jump head first into a serious relationship.

And then... then he turned his back on them. Ron scowled. Why had he been so stubborn? They would have taken him back the summer after the Ministry fiasco. Granted, they'd still taken him back this past November... for the most part. Ron felt uncomfortable around him... his anger was long spent though. Bill was torn between anger and complete forgiveness. But, for the most part they had forgiven him, though the cost was so much higher. Dad dead with no apology, Percy in Azkaban for ten months, his and Ginny's own poisoning the only reason Percy asked for forgiveness in the first place.

And now, he was insane, locked on the Closed Ward of St. Mungo's. Percy... insane... It was hard to see his straight-backed, rule abiding brother as a crazed man. The image of Mrs. Longbottom waddling out to give Neville a gum wrapper hit him hard.

He closed his eyes, depending on Hermione to guide him and Harry and Ginny to keep anyone from running into him.

Ron couldn't imagine a Weasley with anything other than their trademark red-hair. Even Dad had had only a few strands of gray on his balding top. He couldn't imagine Percy in a hospital gown, wispy white hair, waddling over to him to give him a gum wrapper. It... it wasn't possible. Percy was the smart one, the one who would go places. Future Minster of Magic, that one was--had been.

Harry stopped in front of a door Ron had never seen in a corridor he had never been in. Looking out the window at the far end of the dead-end corridor, Ron couldn't recognize the view, so he wasn't even sure what part of the castle they were in. Harry knocked and waited. And waited. And waited. And...

"Harry," Remus' tired looking face said from the other side of the cracked open door. "Ginny, Ron, Hermione. Is something the matter?" He opened the door wider, and Ron was surprised to see him in his dressing gown. Remus looked unbelievably exhausted and so odd in anything besides his normal vests and trousers.

"Oh, Remus, I'm sorry," Harry said, his eyes wide, starting to leave. "I'd forgotten about the full moon last night."

"No, what's the matter?" he asked, motioning them into the room. Before any of them could answer, he held up a hand. "Wait, let me change. I have a feeling this is too important to be spoken of while in a dressing gown and pajamas." He disappeared into a room to the left, and Harry took a seat on the couch. All four of them squished onto it, Ron sitting between his sister and Hermione. Ginny clutched at Ron's free hand, looking into his eyes wildly. 'Why?' they asked him, begging for an answer.

A baby started to cry in a playpen Ron hadn't noticed, and Harry hurried over to it. "I got her, Remus!" Harry called, leaning down and picking up the crying toddler. "Hush, Caitlan, it's over. Your dad is just changing and then he can hold you close. Now, now, Caitlan, none of that. Where's your binky?" Ron was surprised at Harry's deftness with the child. Harry bent down and reached into the playpen for a small something and tried to stick it into her mouth.

"Caitlan, I'm coming!" came Remus' shout from his bedroom. Harry succeeded into getting the--was it a binky?--into Caitlan's mouth and she started to suck on it. "Be good for your Godfather!"

"Godfather?" Ron asked, surprised.

"Oh, I never told you," Harry said, his own eyes betraying his surprise at that. Caitlan had appeared to have calmed down now that she was happily sucking on the binky. "I ended up wandering here the other night, and they asked me to be her Godfather. Not official yet, but--"

"Close enough," Remus said, re-entering the room, looking at Harry and Caitlan fondly. Ron was dismayed to see Remus almost hunched over; he hadn't completely recovered from the night before. "I think we'll leave her there for now. She's asleep, correct?"

"Yeah," Harry responded, craning his neck to check. He walked back to the couch and took his empty spot, Ginny cuddling up to Harry to look at her.

"So?" Remus asked, gingerly taking a seat in the rocking chair across from them. Harry exchanged looks with all three of them and then sighed.

"Terry O'Murray is a Death Eater and betrayed Charlie and Percy last night," Harry explained quickly. "Their flat mates are all dead, and Charlie and Percy are on the Closed Ward with Cruciatus damage." Remus looked at them, shocked and distressed. "I thought that Caitlan would be nice company. I wouldn't have come if I'd remembered about the full moon. I'm guessing that's why you weren't told."

"I'd barely regained full consciousness five minutes before you knocked," Remus replied. "Caitlan was a bit behind me, but, that's to be expected."

"How is she taking that?" Ginny asked, playing with one of Caitlan's little hands. Ron felt Hermione itch to move closer. Harry was at the other side of the couch, as far from Hermione as possible.

"Better than we could have hoped," Remus replied honestly, looking at his little daughter with sad eyes. "Severus is constantly working on the Wolfsbane Potion, trying to get a dose right for her. We're not sure if we should try it though."

"Why not?" Ron asked, surprised that they wouldn't want to save her from that little amount of pain.

"Who knows how her tiny body would react," Ginny answered for Remus. "The Wolfsbane Potion is basically a poison with positive results. Who knows what that would do to an infant who has so many years of growing up in front of her?"

"Is he taking off from his other project?" Harry asked, shifting Caitlan so that Ginny could see her better.

"How do you know about that?" Remus asked in return, staring at Harry with surprise. "Severus doesn't like it known that he's working on a cure."

"He is?" Harry asked, even more surprised. "I didn't know that." Ron stared up at Remus, startled that Snape was working on a cure for lycanthropy. Must be a new project, started since Snape had changed sometime last year. Ron couldn't picture Snape working on it back when Remus had been a teacher here.

"You didn't? He's going to kill me," Remus muttered. "Why'd you ask about his project then?"

"I know he has one, something that Dumbledore would have liked to see finished," Harry replied. "Finding a cure for lycanthropy would fit that ticket though. He said he was close." If he was close to a cure then it would have to be an old project. Even more surprising. Maybe Snape hadn't been such a bastard back then.

"He thought he was," Remus replied with a heavy sigh. "Turned out to be a dead end, and now with Caitlan, we're putting that on hold, at least for a while."

"Can I hold her?" Ginny asked, looking up at Remus eagerly.

"Go ahead, if you can get Harry to give her to you," the older man replied with a large smile. "He's been rather selfish with her."

"Here you go, Gin," Harry said, carefully handing Caitlan to her. Caitlan sent up a small cry, but Harry reassured her and she fell silent, snuggling into Ginny's chest and arms.

"Who's her Godmother?" Hermione asked, leaning across Ron to play with one of Caitlan's exposed feet. Ron rolled his eyes, pushed Hermione's arm away, and stood up. Hermione's face turned from surprised hurt to gleeful understanding and she scooted over to his old seat. He and Harry exchanged a look over the girls' heads and smiled at them just as fondly as Remus did at his daughter.

"Thia," Remus answered, laughing as Caitlan sneezed suddenly, several in a row. "I bet the left over werewolf senses are bothering her. She's very fidgety when I hold her--"

"I thought she liked you better than Tonks," Harry said.

"Oh, normally yes, but, I think it has to do with the wolf in each of us," Remus explained. "She can still sense it in me, nice and strong, as is her own wolf and it scares her. Once the moon wanes a bit, I'm sure she'll be fine. It's not like she was throwing a tantrum."

Ron listened as the girls asked Remus all sorts of questions about Caitlan. Could she crawl? Walk? Talk? Sit? Eat solid foods? Did she do anything cute? What made her smile? How old was she? When would Harry become her Godfather officially? Did she sleep well? Was she a good child? Did she cry a lot? Ron listened, content at that, an arm around Hermione's shoulder, leaning into her to see the infant better. It was hard to think about anything other than this little life.

And that had been Harry's plan all along.

Harry looked up when Ron's finger brushed his shoulder to get his attention. His best mate mouthed "Thank you," and Harry just smiled his reply. Ginny had completely relaxed, all the tension had left her body holding Caitlan, just as it had for him when he'd stayed over the other night and the nights since when he'd visited. Hermione was cooing softly, playing with Caitlan's fingers now. Though Harry suspected that she wanted to ask to hold Caitlan, Hermione knew that Ginny needed the comfort more right now.

"So, party still on?" Remus asked after the questions had come to an end.

"Yes," Ron said strongly. "I'm going to need a distraction if they keep us locked up here."

"McGonagall won't let them go to visit," Harry answered Remus' unasked question. "Too risky."

"Definitely," Remus said with a nod. "Though, I'm surprised the Death Eaters drove those two insane in one night. It's not very much like them."

"Voldie-idiot wanted to drive Harry into doing something stupid," Ron muttered, twirling a lock of Hermione's hair in his fingers. "And he did, didn't he?"

"I said I'm sorry," Harry mumbled, looking away from everyone.

"What's this?"

"I might have...without thinking about it...cut one of my wrists...shallowly," Harry explained tentatively. "It wasn't Voldemort himself, if that's what you're thinking," he went on to reassure Remus' concerned look. "Just some bad thoughts with Dean's razor near enough to pick up."

"Are you alright?" Remus asked, his fingers tracing the shallow carvings on the arm of his rocking chair.

"I'm as fine as can be expected after watching two members of my family being tortured into insanity for helping me," Harry answered, the monotone coming back from earlier. He should have known, should have figured out that Terry would betray Charlie.

"No guilt trip, Harry," Remus scolded. "Stop it."

"Fine," Harry agreed, though he wasn't sure if it was possible not to feel this guilt. He should have tried harder to stop it. "You should probably visit your sister though. She took my 'mini-attempt' personally."

"Why's that?"

"I went to talk to her after I woke up and she kind of brushed me off so that she could take care of Charlie and Percy," Harry answered, his eyes focusing on Caitlan's. "She said she should have stayed with me or gotten you to talk with me. But, come to think of it, last night was the full moon. You wouldn't have been in any shape to talk."

"No, I wasn't," Remus replied, and Harry was surprised by that tone. What was it like, knowing that once a month he couldn't be there for those he loved, that he turned into a Dark creature? What kind of toll did that take on a person over the years? "I'm sorry."

"Like I told Thia, no need," Harry assured him, looking up from Caitlan to focus on Remus. "I needed to think, needed to get that out of my system. I've finally realized I want to live just for me now--" He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing.

"Look, I know I don't deserve your trust on the whole knocking myself off issue, because I've done quite a lot to dissuade you all from that..." He trailed off, lost in thought. After a few moments, he continued again. "But... I realized something this morning. This is the first time I knew without a doubt that even after the war, no matter what happens, I want to go on. Even if... even if Ron, Hermione, and Ginny don't make it. This is the first time since... well... a long time I've known that. And I know I scared you this morning, Ron, but... I don't want to wake up to find myself dead in the middle of a puddle of blood any more than you do. Please, try to trust me on this."

Ron looked at him, hesitating for a few seconds, but nodded. Ron had trusted him about other things, and... that admission... Ron seemed to be glad to hear it. Harry couldn't depend on them for his purpose to live. Hermione and Ginny were quick in copying him. Remus nodded solemnly as well, though his eyes were filled with regret. Harry couldn't figure out what for.

"Remus, love, I need--" Tonks came barreling into the room, talking before the door was even a bit open. She stopped dead at the company. "So, you know then." It wasn't a question, just a statement.

"Yes," Remus said soberly. "What do you need?"

"I need to know if you can translate old Welsh," she finished, coming to stand behind the couch, a hand on one of Ginny's shoulders and the other on one of Ron's.

"With quite a bit of difficulty," Remus answered. "It's been so long since I last looked at any of that seriously. Voldemort didn't find the book at their flat?"

"No, Percy had given Flint the first draft of the translation just an hour before, and left the original with Flint as well," Tonks answered, and Harry felt a rush of relief. "Flint was going to compare them and then give them back if need be."

"Why do they need someone else who knows Old Welsh then?" Hermione asked, interested and eager.

"Flint will barely have time to revise it, let alone fix it completely," Tonks answered. "They're looking for someone to do both, actually. But, that rules you out. Severus is too busy. McGonagall's too busy even if she could. Aberforth can't read it either. The list goes on and on."

"I have enough free time," Remus said thoughtfully. "And that type of project could be done here. It'll take me a few weeks or a month, but I will be able to do it. I'd still like it if Flint went over it first, though."

"Will Hermione get a copy?" Harry asked, turning to look up at Tonks.

"I'm hoping so," Tonks replied.

"If you guys are still having that D.A. meeting, you'd better be off," Remus said, checking the clock behind them. "It's about a thirty minute walk from here to the Room of Requirement."

"Right," Harry said standing. He took Caitlan from Ginny and kissed the little babe on her forehead. "I love you, Caitlan." To think, he was really, honestly, truly this little one's Godfather. The prospect both terrified and excited him. All the things he would do to spoil the child! And he would be allowed to! "Want me to lay her down in the pen or what?"

"Give her here," Tonks said, holding her arms out for the little girl. Harry handed Caitlan over, saying goodbye. He waited for the others to do the same, and then they left. Harry felt much better than he had all day. Not that the day had really had a chance to get started yet.

Harry got up Sunday morning very wary. He knew that the Daily Prophet hadn't been informed about the attack until after the Saturday morning printing. But, thankfully, seeing that it was a Saturday, there was no evening issue. But, their time had run out. Today's paper would not spare them and Harry was not looking forward to it.

He knew what the Quibbler was planning; they had decided that last night at the Order meeting. Due to the sensitive nature of the topic they asked Mr. Lovegood, the editor in chief, to attend the meeting. Mrs. Weasley had ended up leaving, Bill holding her up. No one liked seeing the Weasley matriarch that upset. It had not been a good meeting.

Dean, Seamus, and Neville all knew something was up, well, everyone in the D.A. knew that. Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione had tried to get up the spirit to celebrate with the others, but it had been hard pretending. By the end, Harry was more than ready to work out his frustrations, his guilt, and his anger with Shacklebolt. It had been a quiet evening after that, everyone busy with their homework. The four of them had ended up turning in early rather than force themselves to stay conscious another minute.

But, now, it was morning and time for breakfast and breakfast meant the morning post and the morning post meant the morning edition of the Daily Prophet and the morning edition meant pictures. It turned out to be just as bad as Harry had feared.

The Dark Mark hovering over the all magical apartment building in London where Charlie and Percy had lived.

Pictures of the crime scene, before and after the bodies had been removed.

Somehow, they had even gotten a hold of a picture of the two Weasley brothers in St. Mungo's, though a healer would appear every so often to block the view.

The article that accompanied it was not pleasant, wasn't even very close to the facts. They got two things almost right: Voldemort killed two men and Voldemort tortured two men into insanity. Of course, it wasn't Voldemort himself. He couldn't be bothered with such trivial details, beyond giving the order. But, they didn't know that and Harry thought it was a small detail that really didn't matter.

Surprisingly, the Daily Prophet had a small quote from Terry O'Murray saying how grief stricken she was about the fate of her boyfriend and a plea of understanding from her fans as she took a few weeks off from playing. Ginny stared at the quote for a long time, her knuckles turning white around the goblet she had been drinking out of. Harry gently pried the goblet out of her hands, kissing her cheek, and then bringing her fingers to his lips. Hermione decided to turn to a further page and brought it close to her face to read it, making it impossible for Ginny to see it as well.

"Why didn't you say?" Dean asked, staring horrified at Lavender's copy.

"Didn't want to ruin the party the girls put on," Harry answered, hugging Ginny loosely. She rested her head on his shoulder, staring off into space. He was really starting to worry about her. Ron and Bill were Ginny's favorites, but Charlie and Percy were still her brothers, and she loved each one of them so deeply. He needed to figure out how to get her to talk about it. He wouldn't fail her now like he had over the summer.

"I don't know how you can just party when things like this happen to you," Parvati said, and Harry couldn't tell if it was a compliment or criticism. "I mean... there was the party after Harry--"

"Living life is important," Ginny replied, talking over Parvati. "Charlie wouldn't have wanted us to cancel the party. Percy... well, he wouldn't have approved of the party at all on the outside, but he would have enjoyed it. Neither of them can party any longer. I need to live for them, as much as for me. It's just the way I am." Ginny voice faded, as she was lost to her thoughts once more.

"You don't know they'll stay like that," Lavender argued logically. "The Healers will figure something out in no time."

"No," Neville said softly. "My parents have been that way," Neville pointed to the picture of Charlie and Percy in the Closed Ward, "since I was three. Unless they have some miracle breakthrough--" Neville let his voice die off, not really wanting to say what the reality truly was.

"I didn't know," Lavender said softly.

"Of course not," Parvati said calmingly, patting Lavender reassuringly. "You're muggle-born; you haven't grown up hearing all the stories from the First War. We were raised on tales about the heroes of the War. Harry isn't the only one we all know and none of the wizarding families, pure-blood or not, made it through that War without some casualties. Every family has their story."

"It's just like we don't know anything about Muggle wars, but you do," Seamus added. "Heck, my da's a muggle but I still don't know anything about them, really. After I turned out to be a wizard, my da handed me over to my mum for education and that was when I was three."

"And it took my mum actually pointing it out to me to realize Neville was the little boy who survived," Parvati added thoughtfully. "Sorry that we were always so mean to you, Neville."

"Don't worry about it," Neville said off-handedly, though Harry could see the appreciation in the young man's eyes. What would it be like if any of the Dursleys apologized to him? How would he react? Harry gave a mental little laugh, ringing false to him. The Dursleys weren't ever going to apologize to him.

A voice near the doorway ten feet from them drifted over to Harry's ears. "The Weasleys are getting a bit desperate for attention, don't you think?" He turned and saw Pansy's group of Slytherins talking softly, though it was a Ravenclaw boy speaking at the moment. "Sacrificing their children now to keep the attention on them. Pathetic."

"Did you hear about that party their little club threw?" a sixth year Slytherin girl asked. "Heard the two youngest Weasels were partying it up while their brothers were in hospital driven insane." Several of Harry's friends turned to see what Harry was staring at so intensely.

"Wouldn't surprise me if one of them turned traitor," a Hufflepuff fifth year muttered. "Feeding information to the Lord about their family. No family can be that perfect, not even the Weasleys."

"My father says the Lord wouldn't accept one of those blood-traitors even if they offered complete obedience," Pansy said contemptuously, her nose in the air. Harry pulled on Ginny's arm keeping her in her seat. She glared up at him, but he shook his head and turned to look at the Slytherin table. Blaise caught his eye and looked at the door when Harry motioned toward it. The Slytherin nodded and stood, excusing himself from those he had been sitting with. After giving Ron a warning look, Harry rose and Blaise and he both reached Pansy's group at the same time.

"--follow them we don't have to accept one of them," the Ravenclaw was saying when Harry reached the group.

"Excuse me," he said, clearing his throat importantly. Out of the corner of his eye, Harry noticed Bill and Severus on their way over, but Harry wanted this taken care of before Bill reached them. He didn't want any of the Weasleys to get involved if he could help it.

"We're not doing anything wrong by standing here, Potter," Pansy said imperiously. "Last time I checked, students were allowed to congregate in the Great Hall and Entrance Hall."

"Yes, but planning on spying on other students may not be the wisest of conversation choices," Blaise replied, his voice a study in boredom. "Especially when their families are on the other side of the war."

"Are you implying that my parents are Death Eaters?" the Ravenclaw exclaimed haughtily.

"I know it," Harry said softly, remembering suddenly where he had heard that voice and seen that nose before. "Your father was one of the hosts while I was kidnapped." Harry recognized that nose from the Death Eater he had nicknamed "Nose Picker," one of the harshest torturers Voldemort had in his employ--at least at the time. Terry and Angel might have taken that position now. "I don't really care if you're actively following Voldemort or not, but you will not spy on any of the Weasleys. And if I hear another 'our Lord' or something like that, I will ask my Auror friends to look into it."

"That'll be a detention, Frothly," Blaise added, as if it was an after thought. "Spying, for whatever reason, big or small, is against school rules. Hopefully, Professor Flitwick will be able to convince you of that." The Ravenclaw boy blanched suddenly and looked at someone behind the two boys. Harry turned around and saw that Severus and Bill had finally reached them.

"What's going on here?" Severus demanded, reminding Harry of the old professor.

"Nothing, sir," he answered, his face blank. "We've sorted everything out. Flitwick will contact you with more information about your detention, Frothly. The rest of you would be wise to disperse." They shot angry glances at Harry and Blaise, but couldn't do anything with the two Heads of House standing right behind them. The group, Harry realizing for the first time, wasn't all Slytherins and hadn't ever been. They slinked out of the castle, shooting back looks of contempt at Harry and Blaise.

"What was that?" Bill asked, pinning Harry with a look reminiscent of his mum's.

"Nothing," Blaise replied, mimicking Harry's answer. Severus looked at them, one at a time, and Blaise changed his answer slightly. "Well, nothing you need to worry about, Professor Weasley. You shouldn't get too involved with any... er... attacks on your family's honor."

"Is that what that was about?" Bill asked, his brow knitted in thought as he gazed at the small bit of green lawn he could see out the slightly ajar door.

"In a way," Harry said with a slight twitch of his shoulders. "Don't worry about it. We'll keep an eye on that group, but that's nothing new."

"That was inspired giving the punishment to a non-Slytherin," Severus told Blaise honestly.

"I'm sick of the other Houses not realizing that the enemy isn't only in Slytherin," the prefect informed them. "It's a foolish thought. Though, Harry, you know Frothly's uncle personally?" he asked, turning to Harry with an indefinable look in his eyes.

"I think so," Harry answered, uncomfortable by the looks Blaise and Severus were giving him. The looks seemed to be laced with understanding and pity. "I recognize the nose and the voice, but I wasn't given any names. They weren't the most generous of hosts, you see."

"It was his uncle," Severus said, his voice a level calm. "Nelius Frothly specialized in interrogation. He was most likely in charge of your stay and keeping you 'comfortable' though that is, of course, a relative statement. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a potion I need to check on. Good day, gentlemen." Harry said goodbye to Severus, Bill, and Blaise and went back to his spot at the Gryffindor table. Both Ginny and Ron were glaring at him.

"Don't," he told them. "You guys really need to stay out of personal battles over this with that group. Don't turn it into something they can use."

"Oh, but you and Blaise can?" Ginny asked, her arms crossed in front of her. Harry was almost relieved to see her temper; it was much better than the numbness of earlier.

"If I wasn't Head Boy, I wouldn't get involved," he answered. "And Blaise is one of the strongest Slytherins and a prefect."

"Why can't I get involved then, I'm a prefect?" Ron asked, his arms crossed as well.

"Because, it's your family," Harry replied, rubbing his forehead to try to iron out the creases. "It's personal for you in a way it isn't for Blaise and I. If I weren't Head Boy, I'd say I was too close, but that responsibility over rides our connection. Just watch your backs though. They might start to follow you around 'spying' on you."

"Oh joy," Ginny said softly, rolling her eyes, her voice betraying her continued temper.

"You have to watch yourselves," Harry told them both. "You can't give them ammunition against the big, bad Gryffindors and their friends. Just... I don't know... ignore them."

"Harry, mate, you have no idea how odd that is," Ron said earnestly. "Hermione's been saying it for years, and to hear you say it..." He trailed off shaking his head. "I guess if both of you are saying it, then it must be true." Hermione harrumphed at that and hit Ron's shoulder with the back of her hand.

"Look, you guys want to go out to the Lake and hang out?" Ginny asked, trying to change the subject. Ron laughed bitterly at that.

"I would, but Hermione would just remind us we have homework," Ron replied. "I have an essay due in Transfiguration tomorrow that needs proofreading, a project due in Potions on Tuesday. Herbology project due tomorrow as well, but, bar my plant dying over night, I'm alright with that one. We need to work with our foal today though, Hermione. Then there's that essay in Defense later this week that I need one more source for."

"Enough," Ginny said, interrupting her brother. "Go to the library then."

"I'll go outside with you, Gin," Harry mumbled. He was horrified to feel his cheeks start to blush as if he was asking her out on a first date or something.

"You have work," Hermione said, scandalized.

"I can take my work for Druce out there and edit it by the Lake," he responded, standing up. Ginny grinned at him and he felt an unknown weight lift from his shoulders. This smile was the first true smile Ginny had given him since she had found out about Charlie and Percy. "Better to spend time now outside while I can. It's going to get crazy by the time N.E.W.T.'s come around." Hermione conceded the point and the four left the Great Hall heading for the common room. Once Harry and Ginny collected their books, they left the castle heading for the beech tree near the Lake.

They ended up spending all of Sunday outside together except for the trips inside to exchange books and parchment rolls. Harry finished the essay for Druce, his Transfiguration essay, and his Potions project. He was pleased with his healing essay, and now he was working on his final thesis and paper for Transfiguration. Ginny finished her own homework, a much smaller and easier pile. He helped her with her Defense homework in return for her help on his healing essay. Harry felt almost sad that he'd given up the class; listening to the others talk about it (mostly complaining still) and all the topics they'd discussed had left him feeling out of the loop and envious in some strange way.

"Want to go visit Dumbledore's spire?" Ginny asked after a few minutes of silence. She had been sitting behind him, watching him work over his shoulder with her head resting softly against his. He nodded and packed up all his work into his bag.

"Sun's close to setting," he commented, finally standing. He pulled Ginny up and wrapped his left arm around her shoulders, his bag slung over his right. They walked around the Lake to the spot were it intersected the Wall and stopped at a reverent distance from Dumbledore's spire.

"I can't wait for longer days," she said, wrapping her arm around his waist and tucking her head against his shoulder. They stood like that for a while, but finally Ginny stood up straight and looked at the Wall. "I want to climb the Wall to watch the sunset."

Harry shrugged and they walked along the Wall until they came up to a spot with stairs. He climbed in between the crenels of a parapet. Keeping one leg hanging down on the walkway side, he bent his knee as a railing for Ginny and rested his back against one of the crenels. She climbed up and nestled against his chest, looking west.

"Comfortable?"

"Very," she whispered in reply. The sun started to dip closer to the row of razor sharp mountain peaks that surrounded Hogwarts. Hogwarts' sunsets had to be one of the most violently beautiful things Harry had ever seen. The mountains were so close, the fangs so near, and the sun so stark behind them. Quickly, the mountains were nothing more than black silhouettes, the sun far below them, the sky a cheery yellow.

"I can't believe it," she muttered, a sob escaping.

Harry was silent. He was pretty sure she was talking about Percy and Charlie, but he wasn't positive. She needed to talk and he wasn't going to get in the way. He tightened his grip around her to show that he was listening and was there for her. She leaned back into him further almost begging him silently not to ever leave her. He rested his head on top of hers, smelling her vanilla shampoo, trying to let her know he wouldn't be leaving willingly.

"Is it bad that I don't want to go to St. Mungo's any longer?" she asked softly, her eyes trained on the sky that was slowly changing colors as the light bent around the earth. The clouds started to turn neon orange and pink, the sky to their right a deepening purple dotted with white stars. "I don't know why, but I just don't want to see them like that. That photograph on the front page has been haunting me all day. I don't want that image of them. I want to remember how they were. Charlie talking about his dragons--forget about his horrible choice in women. Percy going on about cauldron bottoms like the world depended on it. I don't want to remember them any other way."

"Makes sense to me," Harry murmured into her hair. He placed a soft kiss before continuing. "I know I wish I hadn't been forced to watch them break. They didn't deserve that fate."

They continued talking about Charlie and Percy as the sky turned an amazing array of colors. It finally settled on a velvety purple, the stars twinkling merrily, the moon rising in its almost full state. Ginny's voice became more distant as the night came into full life. She was asleep in his arms before he knew it. He smiled down at her, loving this witch completely. He knew she still hadn't come to terms with the turn of events, but she had talked a lot of her largest fears out. Tomorrow, he'd suggest that she should talk to Neville about it. If anyone would know what she was going through right now, it would be Neville.

He felt his eyes droop and he scooted a bit to let his left leg hang over the edge of the wall to stretch it out. His right one came up onto the parapet and Harry helped the slightly awoken Ginny get comfortable again. He couldn't fall asleep with his leg on the other side, but the leg needed to stretch before it cramped up too much more. He wouldn't let himself sleep. It wasn't that late. Not past nine. But, he hadn't slept well the night before. Nightmares had haunted his dreams, some memories of the past, others collage's of several horrors, still others completely made up by his own imagination.

He started suddenly, having realized in his sleep-hazed mind that he'd been asleep for a few minutes. An owl hooted on top of the crenel in front of him and Harry recognized Isis, Ginny's Ashy-faced Owl glaring at him.

"Sorry," he whispered, not sure why he felt compelled to apologize to the bird. Isis flew off after one last hoot and she wheeled off back to the castle, diving for a meal on her way. Harry shook himself and sat up straighter, trying to stay awake.

Ginny hadn't slept this well in awhile; it was so good that even asleep she appreciated it. She was warm and safe, and her dreams reflected that. Her normal dream about Tom Riddle's diary, a dream that normally held her fast, couldn't keep going. It ended abruptly with Harry's twelve-year-old face looking down at her, bringing her back to life, telling her Riddle was gone, explaining to others that it was the diary, not her, that had been setting the basilisk on the students.

At the moment, her dreams consisted of flying with Harry in the clearing at the Burrow. Flirting on a broomstick, Thia had once said after watching Ginny and Harry flying, and Ginny knew it was true. Playing tag with Harry was different from tag with her brothers. It was flirting, the give and take that Ginny loved.

Suddenly she was falling, but the pain was too real for it to be a part of the dream. A scream rent the air and Ginny's eyes flew open. She looked around wildly, trying to remember where she had fallen asleep. Her eyes found a wall and she looked up. With eyes wide, she flipped over and stared at the road.

They were on the outside of Hogwarts' Wall!

Harry was the one screaming, his hands clamped to his forehead, his body curled up. Ginny tried to move to his side, but several sharp pains stopped her. Starting at the head, there was blood in her eyes and she felt her scalp and found the gash. Her hair was already starting to snarl around the area. Her right shoulder was sore, but she was pretty sure she had only landed on it too hard. She hissed when she tried to move her legs, but it hurt too much to accomplish anything.

She sat up, careful not to move her legs, and realized that her right leg was shattered pretty badly and her left ankle was already swelling. There was no way she'd be able to get up and there was no way she could get to Harry. Casting a silencing charm around the area--thankful that she had asked Flitwick to show her how--so that no one unpleasant would hear Harry's continued screams, Ginny thought furiously. When would Harry be free from Voldemort? How hurt was he? Who would find them and when? Would they want to be found?

She cast a few minor healing spells on her left ankle and head gash, and then she put her right leg in a suspended state, knowing full well that she couldn't pass out with that spell in effect. For one, it would end and she'd bleed to death. For two, she needed to monitor it to make sure the tissue didn't start dying anyway.

The pain started to become too much and Ginny ended the spell, and cast several spells to slow the bleeding and lessen the pain. Her eyes started to droop; Harry's screams were the only thing keeping her awake. Right arm extended towards Harry, she lay back down and looked at him, willing her eyes to stay open.

Just as she was passing out, a heavy sound of footsteps sounded in the still night air.

Merlin, let that be help.