Harry Potter and the Rise of the Phoenix

Chapter Thirteen ~ Revelations

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I know something is broken
And I'm trying to fix it,
Trying to repair it
Any way I can.

Coldplay ~ X&Y
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"I don't remember much of my very early childhood," Harry continued. "The memories I have of my parents' murder where only remembered because of the Dementors. I did have dreams of green light and motorcycles, the light being the spell, and Hagrid flew me to Privet Drive on Sirius' bike. Some of my first memories are connected with the rule 'Do not ask questions', which was strictly enforced in the Dursley household. I was told my parents died in a car crash and that was that.

"My earliest concrete memory happened right before I attended my first year of school. I was about five at the time, and thrilled to be going on this adventure. I remember sitting in my cupboard and thinking about the new people I'd meet and the friends I'd finally make. Dudley had friends already, but the other children avoided me. Once we started school, Dudley was a force to be reckoned with; his bullying was the reason I never made any friends. Everyone was too scared of him.

"When I realized that I would be a loner until Dudley and I went our separate ways, I cried myself to sleep for a week." Harry stopped, that first confession had been hard to admit, but now that it was out, a sense of relief flooded in. The others looked stunned, but Harry wasn't sure why. "It was towards the end of that first year of school, and it was a terrifying thought at five. Hell, it's a terrifying thought now.

"Those were hard years. If I tried to befriend anyone they would try to distance themselves." Harry closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. "New kids talked to me for the first week of the new year, until someone set them straight. When it was Dudley, the kids went home the worse for wear and I... I would go home and hide in my cupboard, the guilt eating me up.

"See, Hermione, my saving people thing started really early in life," Harry said, turning to his friend. "By my third year at school, I learnt to accept this alone-ness, because then my cousin wouldn't beat classmates up on my account. He and his gang could do quite a bit of damage when they wanted to. I've got my quick reflexes thanks to them.

"My aunt would favor Dudley in everything," Harry continued after a pause for thought. "No matter what it was, he was right and I was wrong. If I came home hurt because of him and his gang, I would be lying according to Petunia; her precious Diddy-kins would never beat someone up." Harry rolled his eyes. "If he stole my lunch money, I had just lost it. If I scored a lot better on a test, Petunia would call the school and say I must have cheated. I think that's why I didn't study very hard before last year. I didn't want to score better than Dudley so I never studied and that habit just carried on when I came here.

"Life at Privet Drive was... stressful to say the least," Harry said with a rueful laugh. "Anything odd that happened was blamed on me. If anything remotely strange happened I'd find myself locked in the cupboard. They were trying to stamp out the magic in me. The more frustrated I got, the more magic came out. I turned my teacher's hair blue one time, and another time I caused an ear to grow out of the back of Piers Polkiss' arm." Ron started to laugh and Harry just shrugged his shoulders. "I set a boa constrictor loose in a zoo the spring before I came here and missed the rest of the school year because of it."

"What did your teachers think of that?" Remus asked. Harry shrugged his shoulders again.

"I was always skinny and pale, so they believed my aunt and uncle when they said I was sick," he answered. "Some of the teachers knew I was miserable, and probably thought I skipped just so I wouldn't have to deal with it."

"How in the world did you grow up to be so happy?" Ron asked.

Harry shrugged once more, a faint smile on his lips. "I found ways to deal with it. I loved to prowl around the neighborhood, pretending to be on all sorts of adventures. It kept me away from my aunt who gave me chores, my uncle who yelled at me, and my cousin who tried to beat me up. I learnt to appreciate small kindnesses, a student giving me some of her lunch when I didn't have money, a teacher's word of praise, an invitation to play at recess, even if I said no every time.

"And this was my life 'til a couple of weeks before my eleventh birthday." He told them about receiving the letters, and how they'd been addressed to the cupboard where he slept and how his aunt and uncle reacted. He told of Vernon dragging them across the countryside until they came to the cabin out at sea. "So you see, when Hagrid came, it was like... freedom. A chance to get away, a chance to find out about me. But I didn't want to believe him, because one thing had been ingrained so deeply into my psyche that I didn't know how to react now that it had been proven wrong."

"What was it?" Thia asked after Harry had fallen silent. He took a drink of water (graciously provided by the Room) and cleared his throat.

"I didn't matter and I wasn't special," he replied, holding a hand up to cut off their protests. "I don't believe it anymore. But, what else was I to believe growing up? They didn't let me ask questions about my parents, Aunt Marge made sure I knew exactly how pathetic I was, and all they gave me was a cupboard to sleep in. See, you have to remember, everything that had happened up until then had proven that they were right.

"But Hagrid came, and whisked me off to Diagon Alley, and I found out one thing as soon as I entered the Leaky Cauldron: not only did I matter, but I was famous. Famous for something I wouldn't remember until my third year, but nonetheless famous. Famous for this," Harry spat, pointing to his scar. "It used to be my favorite part of me. I was skinny and pale and my hair always stuck up straight But this scar, it set me apart, it made me special. Most of the questions the new kids asked me were about it. Of course, the story of the car crash wasn't as exciting as the truth. Now, though, I hate it. I used to like it 'cause it set me apart, and now I hate it 'cause it sets me apart, just one more thing that makes me famous. Not to mention all the wonderful side affects," he finished bitterly and sarcastically. He took a deep breath before continuing with his story.

"Diagon Alley was so colorful, so wonderful, so amazing that I thought it was a dream and I would wake up and everything would be back to the way it had been. August was a long month that year, I couldn't wait until September 1^st when I would take the train and go to this fairy tale school far away from the Dursleys.

"I should have been suspicious when my uncle had so willingly agreed to take me to the--" Harry had to stop and clear his voice. He wouldn't be able to go on for much longer without a break. "Take me to King's Cross, but I was too excited about going. When he got a trolley and put my trunk and Hedwig's cage on it, red flags should have gone up, but I was too distracted by this real adventure to think about it.

"It became painfully--" Again, he had to stop and clear his throat, taking a gulp of water. "Painfully obvious when he pushed it to the barrier--" He coughed, his throat starting to hurt. "Barrier between nine and ten. He made some rude comment about 9¾ and they just left. I could hear them chuckling as they turned and walked towards the car, leaving me there, alone and stranded." He stopped to take another drink of water. "That's as good a place to stop as any. I can't talk much more."

"We can continue later," Thia assured him, a worried look on her face. "No need to talk your voice hoarse."

"Too late, I already have," Harry replied with a shrug. "And, by the way, I don't want you guys going and doing something more to the Dursleys. That part of my life is over. I just want to forget them and I want them to forget me. Simple as that. Forgive and forget, and we all live happily ever after. Alright?"

They all nodded, which Harry was thankful for. "Let's go eat," he finally said, walking toward the door. The others nodded again and followed him out into the hallway.

The six he had chosen to talk with didn't know what to say or do. Each one of them had grown up in a family filled with love. It was second nature to them, and they couldn't comprehend their own relatives doing anything like that to them. Remus and Thia's parents had kept a werewolf as a son, when most of their friends had told them to cast him out! Harry's life was a foreign idea to them. But it did help them to understand his tendencies to withdraw into himself. It cleared up a lot.

Harry walked behind the adults silently considering what he had said to them. It had been hard to start, but once he had gotten going it was easy. He actually found that he wanted to tell them about this stuff. He had been holding it in for so long that it was a relief to let it out. How had Thia put it? He was drawing out the poison so that he could heal.

Ginny held onto his hand, chewing on her lip. Everyone was silent, thinking his or her own thoughts. Harry knew that this would help him, and had thought it would cause the others to worry. Yet, they didn't seem to mind. It was what being there for him meant, and if they wanted help sometime he'd be there for them. It was like having a family. A smile spread on his face. This was his family. He had a sister, a brother, a girlfriend (Future wife? He sure hoped so.), an aunt, an uncle, and a mother figure. This patchwork of a family might not be perfect, but he was glad they were his.

Ron and Hermione followed behind him, thinking carefully about what they now knew. Harry looked back and smiled thankfully at them. He might have been alone at the spot where he had ended the story but in less then ten minutes, Ron would appear in his life, Ginny as well (cute little ten-year-old!) and about an hour after that, Hermione. Life had never been better, and since then, never simpler.

A sense of calm and peace settled over Harry that lasted for the rest of the day. That night's nightmares weren't that bad, to Harry at least. There wasn't another chance to talk until Wednesday. Lessons were starting to become more challenging as his body regained more and more of its strength. He actually dueled once on Tuesday while Bryant had him go through one of the simplest sword dances with the others Wednesday morning. The weather had cleared up as well, as if it reflected the calmness that had settled over the young man.

Wednesday afternoon took them up to the third task. The purpose of this part of the tale, where they knew the basics, was to let them know how it affected him. It took time telling them that part of his thoughts and experiences. He stopped at times and Ron or Hermione or even Remus added their thoughts to the story. Every so often Ginny added a comment or two, and those were interesting insights into the girl.

It was strange, the things he thought to tell them. When he really got into it, it was as if someone else was telling the story and he was only listening.

"I'm not sure how I'm going to explain the graveyard," Harry told them as they were leaving. "It's... So much happened there."

"Have you tried your Pensieve out?" Thia asked him.

"No," Harry replied, his voice cold.

"You really should forgive him," Remus counseled him, guessing the cause of the sudden coldness. "Right now isn't the time to hold a grudge against someone on our side. Rifts only make it easier for Voldemort to win."

"I remember a certain teenager telling us that last winter," Tonks said wryly, looking over her shoulder at Harry.

"Do you guys want to watch it then?" Harry asked slowly, stopping in the middle of the corridor. "It might be easier that way. I've told you the story, but it doesn't do it justice. That way I can just comment on it, and not have to tell the story again." There was an uncomfortable silence. "What?"

"It's just," Hermione started, and then stopped at a loss for words.

"Just?" Harry pushed her.

"We're not used to you being so... so forthcoming," Ron finished. "You've never talked about this kind of stuff to us before in such detail. We're starting to wonder if someone's put the Imperius on you or if you're some Death Eater taking Polyjuice."

Harry shook his head, but he understood what Ron meant. They were already out in the corridor heading toward the common room, when Harry turned around. The others turned to watch him pace in front of the blank wall and then enter the Room of Requirement. They stared at the door not sure what was going on.

"Did I offend him?" Ron asked the others.

Harry stuck his head out the door and looked at them questioningly. "You guys coming or not?" The others exchanged another look and then went back into the Room.

"Some Death Eater, huh?" Harry asked, as the others sat in their normal spots. Harry continued to pace, not able to sit still.

"It's just easier," he finally told them. "As much as I hate to admit it, Snape was right, talking does help. My nightmares have been better; I only woke Ron up once last night. I'm just--eager to move onto the stuff that really hurt me. The stuff that drives the nightmares." He stopped at a spot where he could look at everyone and ran his hand through his hair.

"Not talking to you guys is what got me in trouble in the first place," Harry finally muttered. "And I'd rather not make that mistake again."

"So no thinking 'bout trying again?" Ginny asked hesitantly from her perch in the tree. Harry turned and stalked to the edge of the cliff, trying to pull some hair out as he looked out at the ocean.

"It's not that... I don't... Meh... Gin..." He stopped stuttering, trying to figure out how to explain it. "See, you think that when I say I think about it I'm actually considering doing it, oh I don't know, tomorrow or something like that. But it's not like that. It's... It's hard to explain." He turned to face them, looking right at Ginny.

"I don't want to kill myself," he told her softly. "I still think about it, you know? Just something to pass the time, or... I don't know! It's so hard to explain. It's just--Merlin this is hard! I just think, what if? Or just think of it, but not about doing it. Do you see the difference?" She shook her head. "Okay, let me think about how to explain it." Harry closed his eyes, and thought about the best way to explain this. Opening them again, he looked up at Ginny, who looked down at him curiously. "Right, here goes... You can just think of Quidditch, the rules, past players, your favorite teams, or you can think about playing Quidditch, rules you can break, games you played in, or your old teams. There's Quidditch in general and then Quidditch that's personal. I'm just thinking the generic "what if" type."

"Is that it?" Ginny asked, hoping to hear the answer that would lay her fears to rest. Harry ran a hand through his hair, trying to decide if honesty was the best policy in this case. He saw the look of fear and worry on her face; it was echoed on the faces of the others and he knew he needed to answer it truthfully and carefully. They had to understand this. They had to!

"Sometimes in the middle of the night after a really bad nightmare I do think about going into the bathroom and slitting my wrists," he answered, turning away so he didn't have to see their winces. "But then I hear Ron snoring and I remember that I'm not alone, that I'm loved, and that I don't want to die yet." Turning to look them in the eyes he asked again," Do you understand?"

Harry looked at each of them. "I don't want to die," he repeated, more to himself. "Not after everything, all that suffering. It'd make all the defiance and survival worthless. I want Him to pay for everything he's done to me. Everything. And I can't do that dead."

"What about after that?" Remus asked after a short pause.

"What about it?"

"What do you want after that?"

Harry slowly met each of their gazes. "I don't know," he finally answered. "One step at a time and He's a bigger problem than everything else. I just want to survive that, and it seems too much to imagine past such a big task, you know?" No one would look him in the eyes as he looked at them.

"Yes," Ginny said, after several long minutes of silence. "I remember, back in my first year, just wishing to get rid of Tom's diary, and that's it. I had no idea what I'd do after that. As long as it was gone, I would be happy. I could figure out everything after that."

Ron's stomach growled, reminding them that it was supper time. "Let's go eat before Ron's stomach declares war against him." Everyone laughed, but Ginny was giving Harry a penetrating look. It reminded him of Dumbledore somehow.

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There wasn't another chance to talk for the rest of the week. Snape looked pleased that Harry had done his assignment, though surprised that he had started so far back. It was an interesting Occlumency lesson. When Harry left the dungeon after an hour of intense practice, his head was buzzing. He knew that Snape wouldn't be so--disagreeable--this time around but now Harry was almost looking forward to next Thursday when they would meet again.

The weekend went by fast, and Monday morning brought them up to Harry's loss of Sirius. They had tried to use the Pensieve, but it was not as easy to use as Harry had thought. After trying several times, he finally decided to just tell them what had happened in the graveyard and the following year. The others remained quiet, while Harry talked slowly. His fifth year had been a hard one. So many things made it difficult, there were very few bright memories of that year. The longer he talked the more he realized that there were very, very few good spots. No wonder he barely thought of that year. All there was to remember was the D.A. lessons and a bit of Christmas break, but even those memories were clouded over.

Remus took him out running again Monday afternoon; they were up to five laps around the Quidditch pitch. Tomorrow was September first and Harry was both looking forward to, and dreading, the coming school year. He knew there would be questions about his new scar and apparent lack of physical strength. He had seen the unasked questions in his friends' eyes during his birthday party. And yet, there was something eerie about the empty castle that made him want to hear and see it full to bursting.

"When are we leaving for Kings' Cross Station?" Harry asked, as he and Remus sat down for a rest.

"You don't know?" Remus looked over at him stunned.

"Know what?" Harry said slowly, not sure if he did want to know.

"You guys aren't riding the train this year," Remus admitted reluctantly.

"What?" Harry jumped up and started running back up to the castle. His anger and adrenaline gave him the strength to pelt up the front steps and into the castle with little strain. Remus was left behind, stunned by Harry's reaction.

He bumped into someone carrying several boxes and hurried out an apology before continuing on. He heard voices call his name from the Great Hall, but Harry ignored them. Before he knew it, he was standing before the gargoyles and a heated "Celery!" got him in. Bursting through the door, he came to a stop in front of Dumbledore's desk breathing heavily from the long run.

"Speak of the devil," Snape said civilly, then sneered as Hermione, Ron, Ginny, and Remus entered. "The devil and his henchmen it seems."

"Oh bugger off, Severus," Thia remarked tiredly. "What's the matter, Harry?"

"What's this about us not going on the Hogwarts Express?" Harry asked, ignoring everyone in the room and concentrating on Dumbledore. If he had looked around the room he would have been surprise by all the people: Thia, Tonks, Snape, McGonagall, Mrs. Weasley, Druce, Bryant, Althea, Quirke, and Nettle.

"There is no need for you to go to London just to take a train up here to Hogwarts," Dumbledore replied, as if explaining that two plus two equaled four. Harry did not appreciate that tone of voice, but before he could have another go at the Headmaster, Thia stopped him.

"Don't yell at him, Harry," she admonished. "It was not his decision for you all to remain at Hogwarts. He was completely in favor of you four traveling down to London, but Remus, Molly, and I decided that is was neither safe for you nor your classmates." Harry stared at her stunned.

"It's not right, not riding the train here," he muttered. "Some of my best memories are on that train, and this will be the last chance Ron, Hermione, and I get to ride it. Not to mention, Ron and Hermione need to be at the prefect meeting."

"I'm sorry, Harry," Remus said behind him. "I should have broken the news to you better, but Thia was supposed to tell you a few days ago."

Thia crossed her arms and shook her head. "No. You were," she remarked. "I thought we agreed you would tell him."

"It doesn't matter now," Mrs. Weasley said, stopping the siblings before they could debate it more. "For all involved it would be best you all remain here."

"Alright," he agreed, the fight going out of him. The others looked at him in surprise. "What?"

"That's it?" Quirke asked, surprise evident in her voice. "No more yelling?"

"Yeah, that's it. It's not going to change, those are good reasons, and I'm exhausted from running up here from the Quidditch pitch," Harry responded. "I just wish....What happened to me being included in these decisions?"

"Or the rest of us?" Hermione asked, surprising them. She sounded just as angry as Harry had felt only a few moments before.

"I guess we're just not used to you being adults; we want to protect that little bit of child we still see in each of you," Thia finally answered. "Forgive us?" The four students exchanged looks and Harry finally nodded, looking not at Thia, Remus, or Mrs. Weasley, but at Dumbledore. Something of the old twinkle came back to life in the headmaster's eyes. Harry realized he missed seeing that spark of life.

"We would like your opinion, Mr. Potter, so if you would all sit?" Dumbledore said, nodding his head at the five chairs that appeared among the circle of adults. Harry and the others sat in the offered chairs. "As you know, Ron and Hermione both have their apparation licenses. We had planned for you to use the month of August to get yours, but, due to the circumstances, that did not happen. Do you wish to add it to the lessons you have already?"

"Yes, but, it seems like I don't have enough free time for it," Harry answered slowly. Ron and Hermione had used the month he had been captured to learn how to apparate. The lessons had helped keep their minds off of him.

"Yes, that is a problem," Dumbledore acknowledged. "Thia recommended it be added to your practices with her, whereas Druce thinks he could fit it in. What would you like?"

"Both?" Harry answered, looking at the two teachers in question. Would they be willing to both work with him? "Get it out of the way and be done with it." Dumbledore looked at Thia and Druce and they nodded. "Anything else to be decided concerning me?"

"You need to come up with a permanent schedule for your, er, extracurricular activities," Dumbledore commented. "You have too many extras, and Thia needs permanent times for her lessons. Play around with it the next two weeks, but don't leave anything out. You'll need to meet with Professor Snape and myself at least once a week, preferable twice. Thia thinks once during the week and once on the weekend should be fine for her. The D.A. is once a week. Your practices with Bryant should be in the morning everyday. And, please do not forget your Quidditch team. You need a bit of fun."

"Wow," Harry let out, as if it was a sigh. "I didn't realize just how busy I'm actually going to be. This should be interesting."

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"Ginny, wait up!" Harry called before she could leave the common room. She had been avoiding him all week. She seemed to be doing everything in her power to make sure they weren't alone, and it was starting to get on his nerves. "Can we walk down to the Great Hall together?"

She paused, just outside the portrait entrance and nodded. "Alright." Ron and Hermione had gone down to the Entrance Hall fifteen minutes earlier to usher arriving students into the Great Hall and to keep the peace. He fell in beside her and they walked down in silence. There was something there between them, but Harry wasn't sure what it was. He was telling her things; sure not alone like before, but at least he was talking. She should be happy about that, shouldn't she? That couldn't possibly be what was bothering her, could it? He pulled her into a hug before the last turn into the Entrance Hall and kissed her neck. Ginny turned her head to look at him in the eyes, making it impossible for him to kiss her neck.

"Not now, Harry," she chided.

"It was only a kiss," he replied defensively, confused by her reaction. She took his hand, pulled him around the corner, and down the stairs into the busy Entrance Hall. When they entered the noisy Great Hall, Harry stopped short looking at the familiar sight. Students filled the four house tables, while candles floated above them giving off a soft glow. The gold tableware reflected the candle light, while the ceiling sparkled with the light of the stars. House banners hung along the walls: Gryffindor red, Hufflepuff yellow, Ravenclaw blue, and Slytherin green. It was hard to believe that this was his last year here, and that this was his last Welcoming Feast. It just didn't seem right somehow. Hogwarts was his home.

There was something very different from the past six Welcoming Feasts, however. A fifth table had been added next to the house tables. Sitting around it where Aurors, all clad in their brilliant white robes. "I didn't know they were going to be here," Harry commented, pointing to the Aurors.

"Thia told us that at the last lesson," Ginny chided him, sitting at the end of the table nearest the teachers and far away from the door. Harry took the seat next to her, which was even closer to the teachers. "Weren't you listening?"

"I was busy watching an angel," Harry replied, kissing her hand. Ginny snorted at that, turning away to save the two seats next to her for Ron and Hermione. The table was nearly full, and Harry watched his two best friends walking toward them. Dean, Seamus, and Neville took the seats across from them, the first two smirking at Harry. "What?" he asked them, but Ginny hushed him. Professor McGonagall was already leading the first years into the Hall, just as Ron and Hermione sat.

"Miserable gits," Ron grumbled, scowling at the Slytherin table. Hermione silenced Ron with a glare, looking past him at McGonagall, who was now carrying the Sorting Hat and stool.

Every eye in the Great Hall was on the Hat, waiting for it to sing its song. Harry wondered what it would say this year. The past two years the Hat had been begging for school unity. What would it be this year? The rip along the brim opened and the Sorting Hat started its new song.

Dark times surround us
Forcing the light away
Leeching the will to live
The will to fight

Continue to be courageous,
Brave Gryffindors,
Lead the battle
Win the fight.

Counsel others in forgiveness,
Sweet Hufflepuffs,
Aid the healing
Bring the peace.

Use your great knowledge,
Beloved Ravenclaws,
Show the way,
Light the path.

Exploit the others talents,
Sly Slytherins,
Use us all
Unite us all

Lean upon each other
One alone will fall to harm
But four together
Can last forever

That is all I have to say
Short and sweet and to the point
Stick together
Last forever

They waited, and once everyone was sure the Hat was done, they started to clap in earnest. The Hat remained still and McGonagall walked forward explaining to the first years what was going to happen. Harry saw Dumbledore staring at the Hat, a pensive look on his face

"Harry, where were you?" Dean whispered across the table to him.

"You weren't busy with Ginny where you?" Seamus asked, raising his eyebrow at Harry. He opened his mouth to reply, but Ginny beat him to it.

"What do you mean?" Ginny snarled at him, keeping her voice down as McGonagall called out "Bereck, Bender!"

"Gees, Gin, he wasn't being serious," Harry told her. "No need to be snappy."

"I'm not being snappy!" Ginny replied, turning on him.

"Yeah, you are," Harry replied. "He was just teasing, no harm done."

"He was implying we were snogging!" Ginny snapped. Harry rolled his eyes.

"And what's wrong with that?" Harry asked. "If Ron and Hermione showed up late for a meal, you'd make the same joke!"

"I would not!"

"Come off it, Ginny," Ron said from the other side of her, "you did it just yesterday."

"You came into the Great Hall looking like you'd been going at it in the nearest broom closet!"

"Gin!" Harry scolded her, looking at McGonagall. The stern witch had paused mid-name (Groe...Groenestege, Laura!) to glare over at the Gryffindor table. "That's worse then what Seamus just said."

"It's true!"

"So what?" Harry asked rhetorically. "For all Seamus knows, we've been going at it in some broom closet all summer."

"Sure seems like it," Ginny muttered under her breath, strangling her napkin in both of her hands.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Harry asked her, his voice slightly louder.

"All we seem to do now is snog," Ginny complained, her voice also rising in volume.

"I'm sorry if I can't talk to you anymore," Harry apologized honestly. "I just can't get past the Manor."

"You can talk just fine with Remus, Thia, Tonks, Ron, and Hermione around," Ginny argued right back.

"Maybe you're the reason I can't talk to you?" Harry countered quickly, almost shouting his whisper. "Maybe I don't like you anymore!"

"Then you shouldn't use me to forget that you tried to off yourself!" Ginny shouted standing up and throwing her napkin at him. The Hall became deafeningly silent as Ginny ran from the Hall. All eyes followed her until she was out the door and then snapped to Harry who was staring at Ginny's empty spot.

"She didn't just say--?" Harry asked softly, yet in the silence everyone heard him. Ron's mouth hung open in surprise and Hermione looked up at the teachers' table worriedly. Finally Dean got over his shock and asked Harry the one question he didn't want to answer.

"You didn't really try to kill yourself, did you?" he asked, his voice echoing throughout the Great Hall.

Harry whipped his head around to look at Dumbledore. The Headmaster stood up and addressed the students. "We must finish the Sorting, the food grows cold in the kitchens."

Harry glared at his plate. What had Ginny been thinking, saying that out loud? She was the one that had made sure only a few people had known to begin with, and now--now the whole school knew. And if the school knew then the world would know in a matter of days.

Finally, 'Zadnick, Abigail!' was sorted into Gryffindor and the Sorting was over. For Harry it had taken an eternity as the quiet hum of the students' whispering and the feel of their gazes unnerved him. So much for not being the center of attention, he grumbled to himself. The questions would start now, and from people that didn't have any right to ask them.

"I have a few start of term announcements before we begin the feast," Dumbledore told the students, standing once more. "The Forbidden Forest is far more dangerous than it has been at anytime in the past. Please do not venture into its depths. Mr. Filch would like me to remind you that the entire Weasley Wizarding Wheezes product line is off limits within the castle's corridors. There is another list outside his office of all off limit items which are not made by the Weasley twins." He paused glancing around the Hall, before sweeping an arm toward the table of Aurors.

"As you can see, Hogwarts is playing host to a squad of Aurors. They are here to protect the school and Hogsmeade from Death Eater activities. I caution any student that has allied him or herself with Voldemort," the customary shiver went through the Hall and Harry had a hard time not joining them, "should be wary of speaking of your side too loudly. They have the Minister's approval to arrest any student if there is evidence of an allegiance to Voldemort. Please, do not be foolish enough to think you are safe from Azkaban just because you are underage.

"Next, as you may or may not have noticed," Dumbledore continued, looking over at the Auror table, "Thia Black is sitting among the Aurors. She is not only in charge of the squad here, but the entire Auror division as well. As such, she can no longer teach here." There was a collective groan; Thia had been a very popular teacher. "Instead I would like to introduce Anwellus Burke." Dumbledore swept an arm to the far end of the table where Burke sat. The man was small, dwarfed by Hagrid who sat next to him. His hair was white, it reminded Harry of thatch, his eyes never resting in one place for long. It was a characteristic that told Harry the man saw everything that was going on around him. "Let's give him a warm Hogwarts welcome." Dumbledore brought his hands together and the students started clapping as well.

"All I have left is to ask Miss Bones, Miss Granger, Mr. Potter, and Mr. Zabini to come up here once the meal is finished to speak with me. It is an issue of great importance, so please do not leave early." Dumbledore said this looking directly at him. Harry sighed; he had been hoping to skive off and pretend to be asleep when his dorm mates arrived.

The meal was long and slow, every second lasting an eternity. Nobody asked him anymore questions directly but Harry knew he was the center of every conversation in the Hall. "Did Weasley say Potter tried to off himself?" "He looks a bit peakish if you ask me!" "We must of heard wrong, Potter wouldn't try to commit suicide." "Is that a new scar on his temple or did he just not wash all the dirt off?"

By the time deserts were served Harry felt a headache starting behind his right eye, and all he wanted to do was climb into his bed and sleep. The thought of classes the next morning did nothing to smooth over his worries. He carefully tilted his chair back, staring up at the enchanted ceiling. The velvet sky was filled to bursting with stars, the moon half full. The color of the night sky reminded Harry of Ginny's dress robes and how stunning she had looked in them. What was going on this time? What had set her off and why in the world had he said he didn't like her any more?

Dumbledore stood once more as the plates and platters cleared themselves of food. "I would just like to comment on the Sorting Hat's song before you head off to your beds. This is the third year running that the Hat has deemed it important to stress school unity. Though I have never seen the school as united as it is, the Sorting Hat must feel that it is not enough. Every house has an important purpose, an important strength that the others lack in such quantities. Alone, each house would fail, but together and united, you will be strong.

"One such way to show school unity is by joining the D.A. which has eleven open spots. If you wish to join, and are in the fifth year or above, please speak with Mr. Potter who runs this Defense club. I believe the first meeting is this Friday, correct?" Dumbledore asked, looking over at Harry who shook his head no.

"Saturday," he corrected. "I need to know by Friday night."

"Oh, that is correct. He needs to know if you would like to join by Friday. All are welcomed, but it is a first come first served establishment. Do not wait until the last second, lest you find the spots taken. Would those four students come forward, the rest of you may wander off to your dormitories where I am sure your beds will welcome you." Dumbledore sat and the Hall erupted into noise as Prefects took charge of the chaos. Harry and Hermione said bye to Ron and headed against the flow towards Dumbledore. They met with Susan and Blaise and stood waiting for the old man to begin. The four heads of house came to stand around the headmaster, looking at the four students stoically. Once the hall emptied, Dumbledore started to speak.

"I must say, never before have I had such a hard time deciding the Head Boy and Girl," he started looking at them intently. "And I am not sure if all five of us agree completely with my choice, but I do believe it to be for the best. Mr. Potter and Miss Granger, these are for you." He handed them both pins and as Harry looked at it closely, he realized that it said Head Boy on it.

"But, even after..." he let his voice trail away as he realized what he had been about to say.

Dumbledore continued, turning to Blaise. "Mr. Zabini, you are still the Slytherin seventh year prefect, if Harry should need any help because of his full schedule, I would like him to turn to you," The Slytherin nodded in understanding.

"Harry is the better choice," he agreed. "A natural leader. Not to mention the fact that a Gryffindor will be turning to a Slytherin for help. It will heal some wounds."

"That is what I'm hoping," Dumbledore agreed. "As much, Miss Granger, I would like you to turn to Miss Bones if you find yourself in need of help." Hermione nodded. "Mr. Potter, Professor McGonagall would like Mr. Weasley to help you with the Quidditch team as your co-captain. Do you find that acceptable?"

"Are you kidding, I've already asked him to come up with our play book," Harry said with a laugh. "It's almost complete and I only asked him this morning!"

Dumbledore smiled, handing over a pin for Ron to wear. "Any questions? No, then good night and sleep well."

Harry walked out of the Great Hall, his mind still baffled by the shiny Head Boy's badge now pinned above the Quidditch captain pin. After everything he had said and done this summer, he had still gotten the honor. Somehow that didn't seem right, and yet, Blaise was right, the school looked up to him. They won't once they know for a fact that you tried to kill yourself, a sly voice informed him. Harry didn't care what that voice said. It was the same one that had tricked him in the past.

"Harry, what Ginny shouted, was it true?" Blaise asked, before they parted ways. Susan had already headed off towards the Hufflepuff common room near the kitchens. Harry stopped and looked at the Slytherin. Finding something in the other man's eyes, Harry nodded. "'Night," was all Blaise said as he turned in the direction of his common room.

"'Night." Harry and Hermione replied, before continuing on in silence, Hermione glancing over at him every so often. "Look, Hermione, there's no point in hiding it now that Ginny shouted about it. If she's not in the common room will you drag her down to talk to me? She needs to apologize for that and I need to say sorry for what I said."

"No promises," she finally conceded, stopping in front of the Fat Lady. "Just, Harry, that really hurt her."

"I know, and what she said hurt me," he replied, turning to the impatient portrait. "School unity," he said, giving her the password. The portrait swung open, and Harry was a bit surprised to see the common room crammed full. Sitting on the couch curled under one of the afghans was a sobbing Ginny. Ron was trying to calm her down, but nothing he was saying helped. Hermione pushed through the crowd, gathering her best friend up in her arms. Harry walked over, feeling everyone's eyes on him.

"Go away," Ginny spat at him as soon as he was nearby.

"Nope, you want me to talk to you, well, here I am," Harry said, trying to keep his temper in check. "Don't you think you owe me an apology as much as I owe you one?"

"You don't like me so what does it matter?" Ginny replied, pulling away from Hermione and glaring at him. Harry cast a look around at the common room, and sighed. There was no way they'd clear out of here and no way Ginny would have a quiet conversation.

"I didn't mean that," Harry replied. "I said that without thinking, if I would have taken a second before opening my mouth it wouldn't have come out."

"Sure," Ginny grumbled, "and Ron loves the Harpies."

"I do not!" Ron replied outraged, but quickly deflated when he realized what she meant.

"You had just finished insulting my best friends, your best friends, and then reminded me that I haven't been talking with you like normal," Harry replied, his temper fraying just a bit. "I'm sorry, alright. I didn't mean that I don't like you, it was--"

"It was what, Harry?" Ginny asked, angrily.

"It was stupid, alright!" Harry answered. "Will you just forgive me or condemn me forever for the mistake? What's the point of me talking if you're just going to take everything the wrong way?"

"How should I know how to take it if you hardly talk to me anymore?"

"You're the one that's been avoiding me the past week!"

"You've been avoiding me all summer since--" Ginny stopped suddenly, a hand coming up to her mouth.

"Go ahead and say it, Gin," Harry said softly and dryly. "Everyone heard you shout it the first time." Ginny shook her head, tears running down her face. "Say it, what's different this time? Not enough people around to hear?" She gasped, her eyes wide open in shock. "You're right, I've been avoiding you since I woke up from the first coma this summer. I'm not avoiding you because of the attempt to, what did you say, try and off myself. I've been avoiding you because of what happened at Malfoy's Manor! So, you know, Gin, if you want to do a bit more harm why don't you shout out about the Prophecy!"

"Tell everyone what they already know?" she shouted, standing up. "They've all guessed it already, Harry! You haven't been reading the Daily Prophet because my mum is hiding them from you, but it's all over the paper. They all know that you'll fight Voldemort! Sure, they don't know it's been prophesied, but who else fits the bill? Only you! Because, it sure as bloody hell isn't going to be Dumbledore!"

"Of course it's going to be me!" Harry raged. "The Bloody Boy Who Lived! I hate how everyone just assumes that famous Harry Potter is going to take care of the big bad Dark Lord! Did anyone out there bother to ask me? Maybe I just want to..." Harry trailed off, his mind not giving him another possibility for his fate. One of his hands curled into a fist with his frustration.

"Die?" Ginny filled in for him.

"We've been over this, Gin, I DO NOT WANT TO DIE ANY MORE!" he hit his fist into the palm of the other hand for emphasis. "And they're right, it's my responsibility, and I accepted it so long ago I can't think of anything else to put in its place! N.E.W.T.'s pale in comparison, any other job would be a waste of my time. Now if you're bloody well done with me, I'm going to bed. I think the house has learnt more about me than I wanted them to know to begin with, thanks." He turned from her without waiting for an answer and headed towards the boys' dormitory. The other Gryffindors parted before him silently, looks of confusion and awe on their faces.

"Harry, I can't be your girlfriend any more," Ginny's soft voice drifted over to him. "I'm sorry, it really has nothing to do with this. It's just--I've known this since that Friday night in the Room of Requirement. We're just not working and I need a break." He stopped and turned to look at her. Tears were coursing down her face, her slim shoulders shaking with the emotion she was keeping in.

"What?" he asked, his mind not understanding what she had just said.

"I'll still be here," she assured him quickly, "you know, as a friend, but, Harry, I just can't stand being your girlfriend and being treated like you've been treating me. I'm sorry, please understand."

"I don't... can we talk about this later, Gin?" Harry finally asked, looking around at everyone. "I'm not sure I understand and I really don't think this is any of their business."

"There's nothing to discuss," Ginny replied, after staring at him for a few minutes. "I can't take the added stress you've put on my shoulders since you came back from the Manor. I'm not strong enough for all of it." She walked slowly through the crowd, past Harry, and up the stairs to the girls' dorm. Harry stared at the empty stairway, not sure what had just happened.

"Come on, Harry," Ron said, tugging on his arm. Harry nodded and followed him upstairs.

"Ron," Harry said, his voice sounding stunned. Ron looked at him, continuing to lead Harry towards the dorm. "Did Ginny just break up with me?"

Ron nodded, pushing him through the door to their room.

"Oh."