Harry Potter and the Rise of the Phoenix

Chapter Three ~ A Name Is Only a Name

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I tried to kill the pain,
But only brought more.
I lay dying.
And I'm pouring crimson
regret and betrayal.
I'm dying, praying,
bleeding, and screaming.
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?
~Evanescence: Tourniquit

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Ginny woke up with a start, tossing off her covers fitfully. Something wasn't right. Taking a glance at the clock, her heart gave a huge leap for joy. It was 2:37 on July 10th. Dumbledore had finally agreed to let Ron, Hermione, and her visit Harry today. She'd see him in less then eight hours, and 10:30 couldn't come soon enough.

And yet, something dampened her spirits; something wasn't right. The last time she had felt this way was when her father had been killed. But that was because her brothers and mother had acted strangely afterwards. The question was what was making her feel like something was wrong this time.

Before she could figure it out, the dorm door opened suddenly, and Hermione and Ron burst in. Ginny frowned at them; what were they doing together so late at night?

"It's our necklaces," Ron gasped, tired by the run up the stairs.

"They've never burned like this," Hermione told Ginny, holding hers out as if it burned to touch.

"Not even when Harry was captured," Ron finished, falling to the bed gratefully. As Ron fell, Ginny's sleep befuddled mind picked up speed. Those necklaces connected Ron and Hermione with Harry. If they were burning...

Ginny never had a chance to finish that thought. Harry's normal pain and despair that she blocked came crashing down on her, overwhelming her. She vomited instantly. Ron was letting out a constant stream of swear words, trying to get the necklace off. Hermione sank to the ground, whimpering. Something really, really bad had just happened. No, not bad, horrid. Something really, really horrid had just happened to her Harry!

Oh, Harry! she cried out silently, wishing she could be at his side.

After a moment, Ginny gained control over the pain, and pushed it to the side. As much as she wanted to know how Harry was, there were times when she couldn't function because of his moods or pain. So she had learnt to push it to the side until it became an unpleasant buzz in the back of her mind.

She dragged herself out of bed, grabbing her dressing gown on her way out the door. If the Death Eaters had gotten into the Dursley's, Dumbledore would be hearing from her! She raced through the deserted halls of Hogwarts, dimly aware that Ron and Hermione were trying to keep up. Giving the password to Dumbledore's office, Ginny hurtled up the stairs, not waiting for them to take her up. In her anger and fear, Ginny burst into the office without knocking. She stopped suddenly, surprised to find the room filled with Order members, but continued forward, ignoring them.

"Ginevra Molly Weasley!" her mother shouted at her, angered by her daughter's outrageous behavior. "What is the meaning of this?" Ron and Hermione crept through the still opened door, surprising the adults further. "And Ronald Bilius Weasley, Hermione Granger! You should all know better! Out! NOW!"

Ginny was proud to be her mother's daughter, and had learnt many tricks from the grand woman. Yet, instead of shouting, Ginny spoke softly, her anger was too hot for her to shout. "No, Mother," she said firmly. "I require a meeting with Dumbledore, and I am not waiting!" Everyone heard the whispered command, and no one thought that she wouldn't get it.

"What may I do for you, Miss Weasley?" Dumbledore asked, his cool not shattered by the furious girl.

"What you can do for me," Ginny replied coolly and sarcastically, "is get Harry out of that hell hole you sent him to!"

"We've been through this before," Moody started testily, but stopped when Dumbledore raised a hand to silence him.

"What is the matter with him?" Dumbledore asked seriously. This caught everyone, but Ginny, by surprise.

"You aren't going to take this girl seriously?" Moody asked incredulously.

"This young lady," Dumbledore said, stressing the word lady just slightly, "has been in and out of this office, asking me to bring Harry here early. When I wouldn't, she instead asked me to allow her and her friends the chance to visit and I consented. Not once these past few days has she let that wonderful temper of hers off its leash. The fact that she has now, proves to me that something truly is the matter."

"He was fine when I left him at about 10," Moody countered, not put off by Dumbledore's arguments.

"And it's been nearly five hours," Ginny snapped. "I know full well what Harry can do in that amount of time, and getting hurt is his specialty." This silenced Moody, and Ginny turned back to the headmaster. "It's the charm in our rings; I've never felt it like this. Not even when Nott hit him with the curse that nearly killed him," she finished, her voice finally betraying her fear. Ron nodded over Hermione's bushy head; she had broken down into sobs. Ginny took a deep breath, wanting nothing more than to cry into her brother's shoulder as well.

Ginny watched Thia glance over the stunned room and then turned her angry gaze to the headmaster. "I warned you," she told him, barely keeping her anger in check. "He's still at the Dursley's, isn't he?" she asked Ginny.

Ginny sat in a chair before concentrating on the link. Pain swarmed her mind and she vomited again. Pushing some of the pain aside, Ginny felt for the direction of the charm link. "Yes," she finally said, pushing the pain completely to the back of her mind. "He hasn't moved."

Dumbledore stood, taking action quickly. "The Weasley twins plus Shacklebolt, and Podmore are guarding Harry at the moment. Minerva, Molly, Thia, Emmeline, Hagrid, Bill, and Charlie head over there at once. I--" Dumbledore turned toward the window as an owl tapped its beak against the glass.

"Hedwig!" Hermione cried in surprise and rushed past the stunned headmaster to let the owl in. Ginny stood, knowing instinctively that the owl wanted her. Hedwig glided into the room, one of her wings hitting Dumbledore's head in annoyance. Once she had landed on Ginny's outstretched arm, Ginny removed the letter and package. The letter was hers, but surprisingly, the package was addressed to Dumbledore. She walked the short distance and handed it to him. Hedwig hopped to her shoulder, making it easier to open the letter.

As she read the note, her face lost all color. Surely Harry hadn't... He wouldn't... But why not? A lesser man would have cracked years ago. The Order members turned their eyes from Ginny who had just sunk back into her chair to Dumbledore who had just opened his parcel.

"Voldemort," the old man hissed. Untold anger and disgust was written on his face and filled his voice. His hands clenched into tight fists and he carefully closed the box's lid.

"What is it?" Ron finally asked, dreading the answer. Ginny knew that he had misinterpreted that comment. He must have thought that Voldemort had sent that package, but it had been Harry's handwriting on the note attached to it. She looked at Dumbledore, waiting to follow his lead, but the man was finally reading the note Harry had attached. He let out a muffled oath, something no one in the room had ever heard from him before. Ginny willed Dumbledore to look up and tell her what needed to be done.

Finally, after many long minutes, the old man looked up and right into Ginny's eyes. The guilt was obvious in those normally sparkling eyes. What had Harry written to this man? Then with a slight shake of his head, he sat down in his chair, defeated. Ginny stared at the headmaster in disbelief, along with the Order members. If he was not going to do anything about this, then she was! Harry was her life!

She looked over the room, evaluating those here. She had been wrong to think this was an Order meeting. Though all the adults were Order members, not all the Order members were here as would have been normal for a meeting. She trusted everyone here to know about what Harry had just done; these people would understand.

Giving Dumbledore one last glance (his head now rested in his hands) Ginny cleared her throat. Everyone, besides Dumbledore, looked up. "Thia, why are you bleeding?" she asked, surprising everyone.

"There was a Revelry," Thia started, but Ginny cut her off before she could finish the tale.

"Ah, that makes sense," she said more to herself then the others.

"What makes sense?" Hermione asked, hoping to get more information.

"Harry wrote me a suicide note," Ginny told them, stunning them further. "My guess is after he sent Hedwig off, he tried to kill himself." There was silence as Ginny waited for one of the adults to take control of the situation.

When no one did, she rolled her eyes and took matters into her own hands. "I want a portkey to Privet Drive, now! Only Ron, Hermione, and Thia can come into the house with me. I don't want to overwhelm him if he's coherent."

"You think he's alive then?" Moody asked gruffly.

"Do the dead feel pain?" Ginny countered; he nodded in concession. "If others want to go, they have to stay outside until we tell you to come in. Now, that portkey should have left ten minutes ago! Come on!"

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Pain! There had been a time when Harry Potter would not have believed it if someone told him there was a spell out there that hurt worse then the Cruciatus. Now was not that time. Back in the graveyard, Voldemort had told Harry that a botched Killing Curse hurt like nothing else did. At the time, Harry hadn't understood quite what the monster had meant, but now he did.

The pain was immense. There are no words to describe the feeling accurately. Take the worst pain you've felt and multiply it by a billion. Then, and only then, will you start to get a small glimpse at the pain, that's how immense this was.

Harry didn't feel himself hit the floor. He didn't hear his uncle's shouts of fury when Dudley wouldn't wake up. He didn't smell the metallic smell as his lifeblood slowly leaked from his body. He didn't taste the blood in his mouth. He didn't see as Ginny crossed his room to shut his always opened window. The pain overwhelmed every last one of his senses.

And yet, he did hear the love filled voice of his Ginny call out, "Oh, luv!" He felt safe, and thankfully, passed out.

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Ginny burst through the door of number four Privet Drive without knocking, surprising Harry's aunt and uncle. They had been bent over the unconscious form of Dudley, but stood to look at her.

"AND WHO ARE YOU?" Vernon bellowed at her. Ginny ignored him, and instead turned to face Petunia.

"Where is Harry?" she asked, glad that Ron, Hermione, and Thia were with her, these two looked murderous. Petunia just glared at her, so Ginny headed past the living room and up the stairs to his bedroom. Slowly she eased the door open, not wanting to catch Harry off-guard. The only light in the room came from his illuminated clock which read 2:59.

Ginny stepped into the room, turning on the light. She glanced around the room, but couldn't find him. The window was opened, letting in the rain and the wind from the raging storm. She went to close it, glancing briefly at the wilted weeds spread across his desk. Shutting it hard, Ginny then locked it. Now, where was Harry? As she turned around, her eyes fell upon him and she gasped. Harry lay next to his bed, hidden from the door.

"Oh, luv!" she cried out.

She rushed to his bleeding body, trying to find the wound he had afflicted upon himself. She couldn't find a single cut, but instead it seemed as if his very skin was bleeding. She watched as it slowly oozed out. Ron and Hermione were at his side only moments after she had got there.

"Is he alive?" Ron asked, doubting that anyone, even Harry, could loose that much blood and still live. Thia pushed through Ron and Hermione and did a quick spell.

"He's alive," she whispered, barely believing it herself. "I'm going to go get Althea in here. We need to get him to Hogwarts."

"He needs to get to St. Mungo's, doesn't he?" Hermione asked logically.

"If he goes to St. Mungo's, the whole world will know that the Boy Who Lived tried to do himself in," Thia informed her. "Poppy and Althea are talented Healers in their own right, and I'll pull favors to get some friends from St. Mungo's to go on a 'holiday.' We don't need people staring at him for this." Ginny nodded, agreeing completely. Harry didn't need, nor deserve that kind of attention. The fewer people who knew the better.

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When Harry regained consciousness, he was at the top of a cliff. Off to his right, the land dropped away, revealing a huge ocean at its bottom. The land was barren, filled with rocks and twisted, thorny weeds. If someone was crazy enough to jump from the cliff, they would have a hard time getting there. Off to his left was a lush, welcoming, wild flower filled plain. Spaced among this paradise were several clumps of trees, offering shade from the scorching heat. Harry walked upon a trail, well worn and well used that had many smaller trails leading away from it and to one of the many copses.

"Where the hell am I?" Harry shouted at the empty landscape.

"Ah, that question has a very sorrow filled answer," an old man replied at Harry's elbow. Harry jumped; he hadn't heard him approach. He glanced at the old man; it seemed that sadness radiated from him. Harry was uneasy around the man and so he sped up, trying to put some distance between them. Wiping sweat from his brow, Harry glanced longingly at the shade. It was so tempting.

No matter how fast Harry walked, he couldn't lose the old man. "Who are you?" Harry finally snapped at the man.

"The question should be, 'Who are you?' and I'm afraid I don't know the answer to that any longer, Harry," he said, sounding depressed.

"Well," Harry said in triumphant, "you answered your own question."

"A name is only a name," the man replied. "Who you are is something completely different. Can you tell me anything about yourself, Harry?"

Harry opened his mouth to answer, but closed it quickly. He couldn't tell the man anything about himself. He didn't know who he was, and he couldn't remember anything. Except for the memories of this place, Harry had none. His mind was a blank canvas. Who am I? he wondered to himself.

"I see that you haven't remembered yet," the man said after a few minutes of silence. "I was hoping to talk to you before your godfather and parents showed up, but I see that it is too late." Harry followed his gaze and saw three people running towards them.

Their laughter preceded them. Harry saw that one of the two men had a woman slung over his shoulder and was running away from the other. The woman's shouts of, "Put me down right now, Sirius!" came next. The man carrying her, Sirius, just laughed and he didn't even slow down when she started to hit his back. Harry would have been worried had the woman's cries not been accompanied by her musical laughter. The man chasing them was shouting as well, and finally he was close enough to understand them. "Padfoot, I swear, I won't tell another serious joke!" The man chased after the first two, but Harry heard his shouts turn angrier and angrier. "Put Lily down, Sirius! I'm serious! Put... Meh! I swear, I didn't mean that!"

Lily and Sirius slowed down as they neared Harry and the old man. Finally they stopped, their laughter dying away. Sirius set Lily down, and she ran the last twenty feet on her own, tears trickling down her cheeks. The second man caught up with Sirius, who looked too stunned to continue forward.

Lily reached them and fell in besides them. It looked as if she wanted to throw her arms around Harry, but thankfully this stranger kept herself in check. Sirius seemed to gain control over his legs and rushed toward them.

"Gryffindor!" he bellowed. "If I had known this was the reason for your romp along the cliff...!"

"You'd have done what differently?" the old man, whom Harry assumed was Gryffindor, responded.

"I'd--" Sirius started, but trailed off, thinking. "I'd have been on time," he finally replied lamely.

"Hmph," Gryffindor grunted in disbelief. "He still hasn't remembered anything, so watch what you say," he said as the third person finally reached them. Lily collapsed into his arms.

"This is why you wouldn't let us watch him?" the third man asked, angry and yet, Harry thought, miserable as well.

"Excuse me, but who are you?" Harry asked rudely, letting his temper get the best of him. He always hated it when people talked about him as if he wasn't there.

"My name is Godric Gryffindor," the old man replied. "This is Lily and James Potter," he said pointing to the couple to Harry's right. "And this is Sirius Black." These names all sounded familiar, but Harry couldn't place where he had heard them before.

"Like you said earlier, sir, there isn't much in a name." Harry replied, trying, but failing to sound polite. This caused the adults to exchange dark looks.

"Touché," Gryffindor responded with a small bow. "But until you remember who you are, we can't tell you who we are." The man continued to float ahead of Harry, causing the boy to get annoyed. Yet the heat was getting to him and he felt sapped of all energy to respond. Slowly, his thoughts slowed down and became incoherent. The immense heat finally got to him and he fell asleep on his feet, still walking.

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Thia sat nervously next to the fire in her old office. Harry now lay in a bed several floors above her, the topic of a very heated discussion. No one knew what Harry had done to put himself in such a state. No spell, curse, hex, or jinx that Thia knew of did that to a body. Now, several used in combination... but Harry wouldn't have been conscious to perform the majority of those needed.

Putting that puzzle aside, Thia turned her thoughts to Dumbledore. She had read the letter Harry had sent him and looked into the package Voldemort had sent Harry who had passed it onto Dumbledore. The young man had done more damage to the headmaster then Thia thought Harry had wanted. She had never in her life seen Dumbledore like he was. The old man was rethinking his whole plan for this war, for his life, for everything. He had barricaded himself in the living area above his office and wouldn't let anyone in to see him, not even the pictures of the old headmasters and mistresses. Thia wished the best for Dumbledore; though they had had their disagreements throughout the years, she had always known that his decisions most often turned out to be the best.

A smile crossed Thia's face as she thought about Ginny Weasley. If that girl had been at Hogwarts during Thia's time, there was no doubt in her mind that she would have been a WG. Maybe the Goddess of the Flame... but no, that wouldn't work, there'd have been two GF's then. She shook her head at the pointlessness of that thought. Thia was proud of the way the young woman had acted six hours ago. Taking command of the situation as she had was impressive to say the least. The fact that everyone had listened, even Minister Vance, was very impressive indeed.

Thia couldn't believe that Lily would give Harry those notebooks without any explanations. If a person read them at their face value, that person would get the wrong ideas about everything. When they had written in them, most often, spoken conversations were going on as well, where things were made clearer. Often the written conversations ended when the spoken ones became more important. They would exaggerate on the paper so often, making some innocent prank seem like the greatest of wrongs. Lily hadn't stared at a picture of James as often as Thia had written, but Lily sure had looked at the real thing often enough. Harry reminded her of Lily a lot in this manner.

Lily had had a crush on James almost as long as James had a crush on her. Yet Lily didn't understand the bullying or the ego, so she feigned hatred instead. Harry, on the other hand, had had a crush on Ginny since Remus taught here, if not longer. Not understanding his feelings, if he had even recognized them, Harry ignored them and the girl. That is, until he couldn't any longer. Thia had advised Ginny to kiss him; it would make life easier on everyone if she did.

And what a life-line Ginny had turned out to be. She helped Harry through the past year so much. Ginny had let Thia read the letter he had sent her, and Thia couldn't stop hitting her head against the wall. How blind could she be? Harry had asked twice in the few hours they had seen each other about Ginny's mood. Their plan to surprise him had backfired completely. It had been Ginny's idea to surprise him. All of them now wondered if Harry would have tried to kill himself had he known they were all coming to visit.

Thia shook herself out of her thoughts; there was nothing she could do about this now. Glancing at the clock, she swore. They were late. But had she honestly expected them to be early or even on time when they didn't know Harry now lay in the hospital wing? Still bleeding... Poppy had never seen bleeding like this before; it was as if his cells could no longer keep the blood in. Every twenty minutes they forced his unconscious body to swallow blood replenishing potion. Thia had talked two friends into taking a surprise holiday, one to Australia and the other to Chile. At least that's what they told their friends and family. And with her brother's help, she was going to ask a third, but the Healer would listen more to good old Moony.

Speaking of the devil, the door opened and a laughing Tonks and a whispering Remus entered the office. He finished whatever he had been saying and Tonks started to laugh uncontrollably. She threw her arms around her husband and kissed him thoroughly. Now what exactly were they thinking? If Thia hadn't been allowed to kiss Sirius like that in front of Remus, then Remus wasn't going to be allowed to kiss Tonks like that in front of her!

"Excuse me!" she said loudly, trying to interrupt them. It did no good, so she turned her back and looked out a window.

"Sorry," Remus finally said, but Thia knew better then believe him. She had never felt sorry doing that to him. "So when are we leaving to see H--?" He stopped mid-question, halted by the look on her face. She had turned from the window to look at the happy couple. Of all the things to come back to after one's honeymoon in the Caribbean, this had to be one of the worst.

"Right now, if you'd like," Thia got out. Why did she have to break this news? "He's in the hospital wing as we speak."

"What happened?" Remus asked, slowly walking to a chair and lowering himself into it. Thia knew that Remus couldn't not worry about Harry while he was on his trip. Her brother had started to see Harry as some odd combination of a son and a best friend.

"He tried to do himself in," Thia finally answered after a long pause. Tonks sat on Remus' lap, stunned beyond belief. Remus wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. Thia wished Sirius could be there to hold her tight.

"And... And he's alright?" Remus asked, desperately wanting to hear 'yes'.

"Well," Thia answered, unable to lie to him, "he's still alive... barely."

"What happened?" Tonks asked whispering.

"We've been trying to piece together what's happened in the past twenty-four hours," Thia answered. "The night before, the twins and I had supper with him at about midnight. He was alright, but he asked why Ginny was happy."

"And why was Ginny happy?" Remus asked.

"The trip we had planned for today," Thia answered with a sigh. "But Ginny wanted it to be a surprise, so we didn't tell him." Remus grunted; he knew that was probably not the best idea. "I know, Remy, I know. Snape sent him a Dreamless Sleep Potion while we were there; I guess he had asked for some. My guess is that he had the same experience with it, same as last winter, you know?" Remus and Tonks nodded.

"When I arrived for his Occlumency lesson the next morning," Thia continued, "he was reading a WG notebook."

"No way!" Remus said in surprise.

"WG?" Tonks asked, confused.

"Lily, Sam, and I called our group the WG's," Thia explained absently. "They were part of Lily's gift. He seemed alright, but he was avoiding his relatives at meal times. I made him go eat, and while he was eating, Petunia told him company was coming over and either he was to stay in his room or outside. When I left, a few hours later, he still seemed fine, but he did ask about Ginny again."

"Why didn't you tell him and then he could have acted surprised?" Remus asked, annoyed at her short-sightedness.

"I know, but I really wanted to see his face when we all arrived," Thia confessed. "Moody says Harry walked to the play park at about five and would have stayed there all night, had he not forced him to get out of the rain at about ten. Moody left Harry with the Dursleys. And, by the way, you will not believe who Vernon works for!" Thia exclaimed, excited despite Harry's condition.

"Who?" Remus asked, not the least bit interested or willing to play guessing games.

"Mary-Ann McKensi Grunning," Thia informed her brother.

"May-Ann McKensi, as in Professor McKensi?" Remus asked stunned.

"Yes," Thia said with a smile.

"As in our Defense teacher who married a Squib's son?"

"Yes," Thia said with a small laugh. "Actually, Vernon works for the Squib's son, but meeting her might of upset the balance at the Dursleys," she finished, sobering quickly. "We had gotten information about a Revelry last night, so I led a troop of Aurors down to Voldie's old orphanage. We were expecting a) to be early and b) to out number them. However, by the time we got there, just about everyone was dead and more Death Eaters were storming the building. We were out number at least 2 to 1, but I wouldn't have been surprised if it was 3 to 1.

"Tonks," Thia said softly, turning to her sister-in-law. "This probably isn't the best time to tell you, but Trish died last night in the battle." Tonks blanched, hugging Remus tight. A soft 'oh' was all she managed to get out.

"I reported first to the Ministry and then to Dumbledore," Thia continued with her grim tale. "We had barely started when Ginny burst into the office with Ron and Hermione following in her wake."

"The ring and the necklaces," Remus muttered. Thia nodded.

"A fight ensued over whether or not to believe them," Thia went on, "and amazingly, it was Dumbledore fighting for them. He was just about to send us off when Hedwig arrived with a letter for Ginny and a package for Dumbledore."

"Harry sent his suicide notes?" Remus asked faintly, not believing his ears.

"You know how he feels about that bird," Thia answered softly. "He probably didn't want her around to watch. Anyway, the package was originally from Voldemort."

"He didn't!" Remus bellowed; starting to rise before he remembered Tonks was on his lap.

"He did," Thia informed them. "A finger from every child, adult, and Auror who died." There was a long pause until Thia finally broke it with a whispered, "I told Dumbledore that Harry's mind wasn't ready for the Dursleys or separation from those who love him."

"I'm more than willing to die fighting for him," Remus muttered darkly, "but there are times when I just don't like him!"

"I agree," Thia said. "But don't be too hard on him. He's sequestered himself in his office, not letting anyone in. And he didn't look so good either, after he read Harry's note. Was that boy harsh on the old man!"

"How did he... he try to kill himself?" Remus asked, both wanting and dreading the answer.

"No idea," Thia replied with a shrug. "None of us: Snape, Poppy, McGonagall, Flitwick, Sprout, Zane, Quirke, Vector, Sinistra, Binns, Pince, or Moody has a clue what he did. You'll see when you see him, but it's as if every cell in his body is bleeding. Every cell but the cells that make up that damn scar of his," she finished angrily.

"Zane and Quirke? Did you pull in some outstanding favors or did you promise some new ones?" Remus asked, wondering how she got two of the top Healers at St. Mungo's to agree to come to Hogwarts.

"Yeah, kinda," Thia answered. "But they would have agreed to come either way. They both have guessed Harry's importance to the war; they're actually not far off from the truth." She stopped and looked at her brother warily. "I was hoping, actually, that you'd... would you help ask Nettle to--"

"No!" Remus bellowed, standing up and spilling Tonks to the floor. He stalked over to the window farthest from Thia and stared out of it moodily.

"Remus," Thia begged quietly, "Harry needs her help."

"I can't," Remus begged back, pleading for her to understand.

Tonks got up off the floor and walked over to her husband. She wrapped her arms around him and whispered into his ear, loud enough that Thia could hear. "It wasn't her fault."

Remus shook her off and rounded on his sister. "You told her!" he yelled, enraged.

"Yes, and she should know," Thia said calmly, standing her ground. "She's a Lupin now, and it shouldn't have been her at-the-time-future-sister-in-law that told her. It should have been her at-the-time-future-husband. That was a major change in our lives Remus, and it changed us both! You should have told her!" Remus' shoulders sagged and he turned to apologize silently to Tonks. She smiled and opened her arms wide for a hug. Remus walked over to her and enveloped her in a tight hug. "It wasn't Healer Nettle's fault that they died. You know that. Come talk to her with me, please?" Thia said softly, knowing she had her brother.

"After I see Harry."

"Alright, but we leave as soon as possible. She's Harry's only hope."

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"Is it normal for him to sleep like that?" Lily asked, watching her son continue walking. It had taken some time for her to gain control over her voice.

"Yes," Gryffindor answered simply.

"You knew he'd be coming back the moment he jumped, didn't you?" James accused him.

"Yes," Gryffindor admitted.

"Do we want to know how he ended up here again?" Sirius asked; his voice reduced to a whisper thinking about the hundreds of things that could bring his Godson here.

"You don't really want to know," Gryffindor answered. "But you will ask anyhow."

"How?"

"A simple Avada Kedavra to his head," Gryffindor replied. "But he didn't have enough hate for himself or his life to back the spell up."

"Wait," Lily snapped, stopping. Harry kept walking, but the other three men stopped as well. "Are you telling me that my son tried to kill himself?"

"Yes," Gryffindor replied, his earlier depression returning.

"Why?" James managed to choke out.

"Do you really need to ask?" Gryffindor asked in response. James, Lily, and Sirius shook their heads. No, they understood perfectly.

"What pushed him over the edge?" Sirius asked after several minutes of silence. They had started to float over to catch up with Harry.

"A little of this and a little of that," Gryffindor replied. "A happy Ginny, no one looking him in the eyes when he asked after her, little sleep, a tortured mind, a Revelry, Dursleys attacking him, him attacking the Dursleys, fingers from Tom's victims, and... well... that's it for this night."

"My poor baby," Lily cried out, brushing the hair out of his eyes. This action exposed the small scar that had so changed his life for the worse. "Such a hard life for such a good man."

"He wouldn't have made it this far without any of those hardships," Gryffindor told them honestly. "He thrives on challenges."

"And you call killing himself a challenge?" James asked, losing his temper because of Gryffindor's calm demeanor.

"I told him not to jump last time," Gryffindor countered. "I told him not to jump, but did he listen? No!"

"Can you blame the kid?" Sirius asked. "He wanted to get back to his friends."

"Why does that matter so much?" Lily asked, fixing Gryffindor with a glare the other two men recognized. If he didn't answer soon, Gryffindor would find himself getting hit by a very good hex.

"When you're in between life and death and make it here," Gryffindor explained, "it's because your mind is begging for rest and fixing. Harry has been mentally damaged over and over this year and he won't let it heal. So when his body is forced to shut down, then part of the mind takes the time to shut down as well. As he remembers things of his past, it slowly starts working, but the mind is still given a choice for life or death. The mind may or may not be healed perfectly, but it always heals best here. Had Harry stayed last time, his mind would have healed itself to a point that could have withstood his relatives. I doubt he'd be here right now."

"You know," Sirius said slowly. "You made the same mistake Dumbledore made Harry's fifth year. Harry works best when he understands why he's doing something. Had Dumbledore told him about the Prophecy and why he needed to learn Occlumency from Snivellus and not from Dumbledore himself, I might still be alive."

"And maybe you needed to die?" Gryffindor asked cryptically.

"How can you be so detached?" Lily asked, horrified by his comments. "Harry's a living, breathing, feeling person! He's not some tool to be used by you!"

"Some people are born to be used by others," Gryffindor replied bitterly. "It's the luck of the draw. Either be powerful and use others, evil in other words. Or be powerful and be used by those above you."

"Harry's not powerful!" James shouted, just as angry as his wife.

"He isn't?" Gryffindor asked with a cheerless smile. "I wouldn't be too sure of that. He has the makings of a great wizard. One of the greatest."

"He's just a boy," Sirius pleaded.

"So was I and the other three founders at one time," Gryffindor replied angrily. "So was Merlin. So was Dumbledore. Do you think we chose to be great? Do you think we've had perfect lives? Harry has been carefully prepared so that he doesn't go evil! If he would... It would wreak havoc to a fathomless extent!" This statement was met with brooding silence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ron glanced at his best friend. What had Dumbledore been thinking, sending Harry back to that place? Harry hadn't been ready for that and he had needed his friends. And not letting them send owls was just going to the extreme!

Ron had sent him several letters a day, sneaking his way through the castle. Pig most often had troubles flying straight, the letters were so heavy. But every morning, McGonagall would walk over to where he sat with Hermione and Ginny for breakfast and hand them their letters back. The owls hadn't even made it out past the school's wards. McGonagall always seemed saddened to hand them back to the three, but she did.

Every morning, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny stared at their letters, knowing that Harry must be dying without any news from them. Ron wasn't sure that the girls had understood quite how important it was to reach Harry. Ron always had the most letters returned. And when Hedwig arrived... Ron had been extremely worried for his best friend. The fact that Harry had actually tried to kill himself shocked the girls, but for Ron, it was more the fulfillment of his worst nightmare.

Yes, Ron had been expecting this, not that he had wanted to admit these fears at the time. Harry and Ron had been friends for almost six years, and during those six years, Ron had watch Harry go through hell over and over and over again. This year had been particularly awful for him. Harry's nightmares had never been so bad. Seamus, Dean, and Neville had been just as worried as Ron. He had even talked about it with them: what would they do if one day one of them woke up to find Harry dead and lying in his own blood? None of them took it farther then that. They didn't want to. Harry had survived so long and they had wanted to believe that no matter what Voldemort threw at Harry when he was missing, Harry would still survive.

As much as this was expected, Ron didn't know what to do. Across from him, lay Harry, wrapped in so many bandages that he looked like a mummy. Madame Pomfrey, McGonagall, and his mum were changing the bandages at the moment. It was slow going; the three women didn't want to pull any stuck bandages too hard. No matter how careful they were, some of the bandages pulled small pieces of skin off, like right now, causing Harry to groan softly in pain.

Ginny shifted next to Ron; he knew she could feel Harry's pain through that ring of hers. It seemed that it hurt her far more then she was admitting. Ron wasn't sure if he liked the fact that his best friend was so connected with his little sister.

No, not so little anymore, he thought ruefully, thinking back to last night when she had taken over. Ron couldn't believe that everyone had just let her do that. He guessed the shock was so drastic that they were willing to obey anyone, as long as it gave them a purpose. Hermione let out a sob, so Ron pulled her closer to him. It was hard keeping his own tears in, but he knew Hermione would only cry harder if he let even one fall. He didn't want that at all. He had to remain strong, for 'Mione.

"Why?" she asked in a hushed voice, yet again.

"You know why, 'Mione," Ron whispered into her hair. This was a conversation they had had several times already, repeating itself several times in the past seven hours. There were too many reasons for Ron to list them all. Yet, he couldn't stop his mind from trying: his parents, Sirius, the nightmares, the visions, the graveyard, Cedric, the Dursleys, his capture, Dumbledore, the Jones family, the fingers... The list went on and on. "There's just too many reasons."

She let out another sob; sometimes the truth hurt... deeply. "He promised me twice that he wouldn't!" she whispered back.

"Fate dealt him a hand he couldn't win with," Ron said, repeating himself. "Just think of what he's gone through since those times."

"I know..." she answered with yet another sob. This time she remained silent, but Ron knew that sooner or later she would ask "Why?" once again. It was the question that occupied all their minds. And, unfortunately, they all knew the answers to it. That was what hurt the most: the knowledge that had they been Harry, they would have tried to kill themselves long ago.

Ginny looked over at them; Ron could tell that she wanted to be held by her guy. By Harry. Unable to watch her suffer alone any longer, Ron gently tugged at her arm. "Come here, fire head," he whispered. Ginny smiled at her old nickname, which had been Ron's aim. She scooted over and Ron hugged his sister to his side, willing her some of his strength. Hermione moved over a bit on his lap, making room for the other girl. These were the two most important ladies in his life, and the third was busy keeping his best friend alive.

That's how they were when the door opened and Remus, Tonks, and Thia rushed into the room. Thia had a hurried conversation with Pomfrey, while the Healers Quirke and Zane (who had been talking near the door) held Remus and Tonks from going to Harry's side.

"We're just checking up on him," Thia pleaded. "Then we'll be gone." Pomfrey nodded and Remus rushed to Harry's side, Tonks right behind him. Ron was embarrassed for the man who had tears silently streaming down his face. Girls he could handle crying, but not guys.

"Hopefully, we'll have Nettle when we come back," Thia continued with her conversation with Pomfrey. She was looking at Harry, gloom and fear on her face.

"Nancy Nettle?" Quirke asked surprised.

"Yeah," Thia responded. "You could call her a friend of the family."

"The press will notice her absence," McGonagall murmured, worried for her young Gryffindor.

"We'll have to take that chance," Thia whispered back, desperation tinting her tone. "She's his only hope." Quirke and Zane nodded in agreement.

Ron exchanged dark looks with his sister and girlfriend. "His only hope?" Ginny mouthed to them. Ron looked up at the ceiling, away from everything and everyone. If she was his only hope, Ron wanted her here seven hours ago. Every second mattered.