Harry Potter and the Loss of Innocence

Chapter Thirty-Three: Plain and Simple

I am no superman,
I have no answers for you
I am no hero,
Oh, that's for sure
~Dave Matthews Band:
Where Are You Going?

Harry spent the morning and afternoon with Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. They stayed in the Room of Requirement because they knew that they wouldn't be interrupted or overheard there. Harry had a great time with them catching up on all their news. Hermione felt guilty about his grades, but she quieted once Harry asked for her help.

Harry was glad to have Ron back. He hadn't smiled so guiltlessly for weeks. He laughed so hard when Ron told him about Neville's accidental charm. Neville's charm had caused Malfoy's textbook to fly around hitting "bad" Slytherins on the head repetitively. It was almost easy to forget about the war going on beyond the walls.

But the war had moved into the castle. How could he face Dean, Cho, Justin, and Blaise with the knowledge he had? Could he really face them at the D.A. meeting he had scheduled for the next day? He wasn't looking forward to it, but was there time to reschedule it later in the week? No, if he remembered correctly it was his only free moment in the coming week.

"What's the matter, luv?" Ginny asked softly.

"Nothing," he lied automatically.

"Don't lie to us," she responded lovingly.

"I'm thinking about canceling the D.A. meeting tomorrow," he answered truthfully.

"Why?" Hermione asked curiously.

"He's feeling guilty about last night," Ginny answered for him.

"Oh, Harry," Hermione sighed softly. "Sometimes you're way too sympathetic."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, bristling. "I watched as their families were killed by Death Eaters. I watched as the Death Eaters enjoyed every moment of pain and misery," he yelled standing up. "It wasn't just a simple Avada Kedavra, Hermione! The Death Eaters tortured them to death! And I had to watch every moment of it! Every single, heart wrenching moment of it!" He walked over to the cliff edge and stared out over the ocean. He rubbed at his scar angrily. "And they put this God-forsaken mark on their foreheads! Just to prove a point! Just to let me know that they're out there!" He turned back to face his three stunned friends. "Tell me how I'm supposed to face Dean, Justin, Blaise, and Cho knowing that?"

Harry turned his back to them, fuming. They thought he was a weak sentimental fool! He didn't arbitrarily choose to feel sorry for them. He had his reasons and in his mind they were good ones. How could anyone face those four knowing what he knew about their families' deaths? Anyone who wasn't a Death Eater or one of their kind shouldn't be able to.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Hermione apologized softly. "I didn't mean to offend you." Harry shrugged and ignored them.

The weather had changed for the worse. A huge storm hit the plateau and Harry stood against the elements. The wind tore at his clothes, trying to push him over the edge. The rain pelted his body, soaking him through and through. The waves crashed hard into the bottom of the cliff, trying to destroy the base.

The weather reflected Harry's mood exactly. He had no answers and it was driving him insane. He was so confused and all he wanted were answers to his questions. Not knowing what to do was pushing at the edges of his sanity. Maybe he should go talk to Thia; she'd have something to say that would help.

He turned and left the Room of Requirement, not telling his three friends where he was going. As he walked down the hallway he took out the fake galleon and stared at it. He shook his head and put it away. He couldn't cancel the meeting without talking to someone else first.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hello, Harry," Thia said, sticking her head through the door. "What can I do for you?" Harry could tell that Thia was angry. Though she was good at covering it, he had been training with her too long not to know when she was furious inside.

"I need to talk to you," Harry answered, against his better judgment. He should have just left, but when Thia stepped away from the door he walked into the room. He knew exactly why she was angry; Remus and Tonks were both there.

"If you two could leave, I need to talk to Harry," Thia told them shortly.

"No, actually, I'd like to talk to all three of you," Harry said, motioning them to sit back down.

"Why'd you come here, Harry?" Thia asked. He told them about what he had seen and his problem with having the meeting tomorrow. The four sat in silence as they thought about Harry's words.

"You can't just desert them, Harry," Thia told him. "They chose to follow you, and you need to pay that back. But you'll also be asked questions, because they'll guess that you know."

"Just think about it from their point of view," Tonks told him. "If you were them, would you want to know how your family died?"

Harry thought about it for a bit before he answered. "I did want to know how my mum and dad died, but now that I do know, I wish I didn't."

"Harry," Remus said slowly. "They chose to fight at your side, and support you one hundred percent. If they want to know then that's also their choice. You can't make that choice for them."

"And it's not like you can hide from them at Hogwarts," Thia informed him. "You'll see three of them in class every day and you'll see Cho in the hallways. But as for the meeting, well, neither Minerva nor I can be there, so that solves that problem. I was going to tell you in the morning." There was a silence after that, and Harry contemplated whether or not to say what he was thinking.

"Well, goodbye," he said standing, making his decision. "Look, I know how hard it is to forgive a friend, but you guys need to pull it together. I miss our weekend training sessions; now is not the time to lose two good teachers for some trivial thing. I need to be trained, and I need training now." He walked over to the door and stopped to look at them. "Anyways, if we're fighting amongst ourselves it'll make it easier for Voldemort to win."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry climbed into his bed later that night thinking about his day. He had switched the date for Saturday night, even though it was Valentine's Day. He had already received a few complaints, but it was truly the only other day for the meeting.

He hoped that he'd be able to sleep, but didn't really expect it. He slipped into slumber and was greeted with a nightmare he had started to hate beyond all others. He watched as all those he loved were paraded in front of him, dead, killed by Voldemort or his Death Eaters. He listened as they condemned him. And they were right. They were so right.

Harry awoke, covered in cold sweat and twisted up in his sheets. He walked over to the window and looked out over the school grounds. It was peaceful out there, but only on these grounds. Outside the wards that protected the school, they were fighting a war. And the outcome of that war rested on his shoulders. The irony of fate sickened Harry. Wouldn't it be ironic if he survived destroying Voldemort, but none of his friends and family did? It would be his luck. Everything he was fighting for, everything that made life worth living, would be gone, and he'd be alone.

Harry looked at the closed curtains around Ron's bed. He was glad he had Ron back and Hermione back, but he didn't know how he'd survive if they actually died. It had been horrible without them, though deep down he always hoped for the reunion. But if they died...

Harry shook his head, ending that train of thought. He wasn't going to allow Voldemort the opportunity to kill them. It was that simple. There was nothing more to it. He would rather die than lose them. He would die for them.

He slipped back under the covers and laid his head down. He spent the rest of that night in and out of dreams and reality, never quite sure which was which.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next week passed only slightly better than the previous weeks. The golden trio was reunited and Harry was thankful for that. Meals were punctuated with Cho's sobs and each one would drive a blade through Harry's heart. Dean hardly smiled, which was something odd for the fun-loving boy. Blaise was bitter and had little patience for Malfoy and his group. And Justin was angry, even snapping at teachers.

Harry didn't sleep once that week without nightmares. Not that this was particularly odd, but the death parade dream showed up every night. And then the nightmares stemming from the weekend's horror were even harder to bear in the morning when he faced his classmates.

Students and teachers alike commented on Harry's sleep deprived state, though his grades did improve, thanks to Hermione's careful care. He became disoriented easily and had a hard time concentrating. He was falling to pieces. Althea and Druce both tried to talk to Harry; Althea as a healer, sensing Harry's need for healing and Druce as an older friend who had seen much from life. Harry tried to talk back, but he found it hard. Though he was comfortable with these two people, he couldn't talk to them about his problems. He couldn't even tell Ginny about them, so what hope did he have to talk to his two teachers.

"Sit," Druce informed Harry during their last class of the week. The spell Harry had just cast had just gone awry for the fourth time in a row. It was a spell that Druce had taught him during their first week together, and there was no excuse for the problems. Harry sat at the chair Druce had pointed at. "I think we need to talk. You have great potential, Harry. I mean that, better potential than I will ever have. Yet, if you don't use it, if you don't apply yourself, it's a wasted gift. I hate when people waste their gifts. You've had a hard week, let alone month, but I don't have time to teach you if you don't put more into this class. I have other things that I could be doing, but I'm here. I'm here to help you, Harry, not as a favor to Thia, not as a favor to the Headmaster, not as a favor to Professor Flitwick. I'm here for you.

"Don't waste my time," Druce repeated. "You don't waste mine, and I won't waste yours. I can teach you things that will help you. Things that will make you stronger, spells that will help you defeat your enemies."

"Do you know who my enemies are?" Harry asked, finally getting the chance to find out if he knew about the Prophecy.

"I know that the Dark Lord has an odd interest in you," Druce replied. "I don't know why. Dumbledore wants me to teach you everything I know and he says it's the utmost importance. Yet, I cannot teach someone not willing to work. I have my own work, which I put aside to teach you. I'll give you until the end of next week to improve. If you do not, I'm going home."

Harry nodded. It was fair enough. "I want you to know why I need to be trained, though," Harry finally said. He told Druce the Prophecy and everything that Dumbledore had told him about it. Druce listened without interruptions, taking everything in.

Druce studied Harry for a long time after that. Harry started to feel uncomfortable as Druce continued his silent contemplation. "This changes nothing about what I just said. You must learn discipline, and the only way I can teach that is by giving you consequences. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Harry replied. "I do understand. I'm sorry about my failure."

"Don't mention it, just improve your dedication."

The next morning, Harry told Bryant about the Prophecy. Bryant's reaction was typical Bryant. He thought about it for a few moments, told Harry to pick up his sword, and then Bryant proceeded to beat the crap out of Harry. Harry smiled at his weapons master. Some things never changed.

Harry told Althea right before lunch. She had just delivered her warning, and she thought about the new information carefully. After a few minutes, she gave him a month to improve, instead of two weeks. Harry was grateful to her and told her that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Luv, I want you to take a Dreamless Sleep Potion tonight," Ginny told him that Friday night. "It wouldn't be good if you slept through our date and the D.A. meeting afterwards." Harry smiled at her and nodded. He had already thought of that.

"I think I'll go get it now then," Harry said, swaying unsteadily as he stood up.

"I'm coming with you, luv," Ginny said, catching him before he completely lost his balance. They walked slowly up to the infirmary and Ginny did all the talking. Madame Pomfrey was more than willing to give Harry the potion, but she wasn't willing to let him leave.

"I'll sleep better in my own bed," Harry told her angrily. After a bit more arguing, Madam Pomfrey finally relented and the two left for the Gryffindor common room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry swallowed the potion thankfully and laid his head against the pillow. He let out a sigh and gratefully let the potion work its magic. He fell into a deep sleep but it wasn't dreamless. The death parade nightmare had an all night showing, repeating itself over and over again.

Harry couldn't break out of the grip of the potion. It wouldn't let him wake until the morning. So he watched in horror as his friends circled around him, dead. They blasted accusations at him and then they wouldn't accept his apologizes. That was almost the worst part of this nightmare.

Finally, the potion wore off and Harry woke up. He rolled out of bed and took a freezing cold shower, trying to shake the despair from his body. He dressed wearily and then headed down the stairs to sit before the fire. Ginny found him there an hour later, staring vacantly into the flames.

"Morning, luv," she said, gently kissing his cheek. Harry smiled up at her and stood to leave with her.

"Let's go get breakfast," he said, grabbing her hand and leading her out of the common room. Once they were done eating, they went to get their cloaks and walked out of the castle. It was unbelievably wintry. The wind was icy cold and the sky was filled with dark clouds that threatened to storm at any moment.

They quickly walked to Hogsmeade and made their way to Weasley Wizarding Wheezes. They spent some time talking with the twins and made a few purchases. They then headed down the street, going into several stores to warm up. At noon they went to the Three Broomsticks and ate lunch. They meet Ron and Hermione there and spent the afternoon talking with them.

Harry had a hard time keeping his eyes open; even though he hadn't woken up once during the night, the sleep hadn't been anywhere near restful. All three of his friends noticed the dark rimmed eyes and the drooping eyelids and exchanged worried looks. No one said anything, and Harry didn't notice their concern.

They headed back to Hogwarts as six o'clock neared. Harry was dreading the meeting more than anything. He didn't want to face the questions, he didn't want to think, and he didn't want to lead. He just wanted to sleep, but he'd never gotten exactly what he wanted before. Why should this time be different?

They stopped first at the common room and they changed into completely dry clothes. Harry felt some comfort as his body warmed back up, but it was also making him drowsy. He wanted to make it through this meeting and then to go to sleep and not wake up for a long, long time.

Harry walked down the stairs with Ron and they walked over to the waiting girls. Ginny automatically snaked her arm around his waist, and Harry wrapped an arm around her shoulder. The four walked to the Room of Requirement and got it ready for the meeting. Slowly people started to arrive, in groups of two's and three's. They took seats around the fireplace, sitting on pillows and rugs. Harry was leaning against the fireplace, his back to the gathering group.

Thia entered followed by the last two people. Because Harry had his back to the group, he didn't even notice the fact. The D.A. sat in silence waiting for their leader to speak. The clock was slowly ticking the seconds away and still Harry said nothing. Ginny exchanged a quick glance with Hermione and then spoke up.

"Luv, everyone's here." She waited for a response, but none came. "Harry?" She stood and walked over to him. He had fallen asleep and hadn't heard her. She shook him gently and he woke with a start.

"Sorry," he mumbled to the waiting students.

"What's the matter, Harry?" Susan Bones asked with a voice filled with worry. A cloud covered Harry's face, but he didn't say anything. "Why are you so tired?" she asked, trying a different question.

"I haven't slept well in a while," he answered truthfully. Susan was shocked by the admission; Harry never admitted to anything without a fight. Others stared, just as surprised. Ginny wasn't sure, but she was almost positive that he had finished with a muttered, "Not in a long while."

There was an unpleasant pause as Harry tried to pull himself together enough to teach a lesson. He had had come up with a lesson plan for last Sunday, but he had not been able to remember it. So instead he had spent time creating a new plan. But now that the time to put it into action had come, he couldn't remember it either.

He stared at each face slowly, taking in the small details. Susan, who had recovered from her shock, was thinking about something with a lot of care. Cho's red-rimmed eyes were trying to hide the suffering on the inside. Ginny flashed him a small smile, encouraging him to be strong. Dean, who hadn't laughed once this week, was silently begging Harry for some enlightenment. Blaise sat nearest the door, his arm wrapped around Sephra for support and strength. Hannah Abbot was talking quietly with Lavender, and her face shone with the passion she felt for whatever the topic was. Justin, a Muggle-born, had just lost his family because of his choice to side with Harry. Zachariah Smith, who could be a right arse when he wanted to, was talking quietly with a Fifth year Slytherin girl, holding her hand and smiling softly. Who'd have thought?

Harry's eyes wandered over each of his students. At the start of the year, few had truly known what being at war meant. Now they all knew; whether with first-hand experience or through the pain of others, they knew. He couldn't believe that less than six months could change this small group of students so completely.

"Harry," Justin said, breaking the silence. "What's the matter? Is there anything I can do to help?" Harry looked at him with surprise. It should be him comforting Justin, not the other way around. But what was the matter; truly what was the matter? He shook his head, saying "no" quite effectively.

"Harry, how do I deal with this... this...?" Cho asked waving her hands vaguely, trying to find a word to describe it. He didn't know how to answer that. How do you deal with it? He had no idea, none whatsoever.

"I-I don't know," Harry said honestly. "I just don't know, Cho." She, and everyone else, looked at him with a mixture of shock and fear. If Harry didn't know, then how would she get through it?

Harry turned to look at Thia, begging her silently for help. She wasn't looking at him, but at the flames. He couldn't get her attention, and so he turned back to the waiting students. He thought hard, desperately hoping to remember any of his plans for the meeting. Nothing came to him and he started to panic.

What was going on? Why couldn't he teach a simple class? What should he do? What could he do?

"What happened Friday night?" Blaise asked forcefully. "We've all heard about the nightmare you had, and I want to know what it was."

Harry felt himself slowly fall into the panic. He couldn't talk about that. He didn't want to talk about it. Not to these four people, not to all these people sitting here. Ginny noticed the panic and stood quickly. She grabbed his hand and whispered into his ear.

"Luv, you need to tell them the truth," she told him with all the comfort and stability he needed. "They deserve the truth." He looked at her and started to calm down. His eyes glanced over the group and he noticed the embarrassed looks and awkward movements.

"Great," he whispered back, "I've made a fool of myself in front of everyone."

"They'll forgive you, luv," she whispered with a smile. A chair, much like his favorite in the Gryffindor common room, appeared and he sat in it. Ginny took her normal spot on the armrest and absently ran her fingers through his hair.

"I..." he started but stopped, trying to figure out the best way to tell them. "There's no easy way to say this. So I'm going to apologize from the start." He told them in a slow measured voice what he had seen. He told them most of the details and embellished if they asked to know more. He nearly choked on his tongue when Cho started to cry in earnest. The boys sat in silence listening with wide-eyed looks. He stumbled over Voldemort's comment to Blaise's parents, but he got it out eventually.

He continued slowly with the rest of the agonizing events that had occurred next. He told them of Justin's family's plea for understanding. And then the orders Bella had acted on. He couldn't get past the horror of realizing what she had done. He couldn't tell them of the slow minutes that came next as the process was repeated to all of the victims.

There was a long pause once Harry stopped talking. The four were crying; Cho violently, Dean and Justin silently, but Blaise only shed a few tears and had already stopped. The D.A. members sat once again in stunned silence, not quite sure on how to react. The girls had it easy and started to cry and hug Cho. But the guys battled with horror and grief with no way to respond.

"I'm sorry," Harry said quietly.

"For what?" Blaise asked. Harry looked at him and shook his head to clear it.

"For making Voldemort target your families," Harry answered, "for antagonizing him to the point of this attack."

"It's not your fault," Cho said, surprisingly strong and assured. "It's Vol-Voldemort's, not yours." It was probably her use of Voldemort's name that shocked Harry into believing her, but believe he did. There was a long pause.

"Are our parents going to be protected?" a fifth year Hufflepuff named Alissa asked. Harry looked at his hands not wanting to answer.

"I don't know," he said truthfully. "But I'd doubt it."

"What do you mean, 'You doubt it'?" a seventh year Ravenclaw named Mark asked angrily. Harry winced.

"Because I do," Harry answered him. "Why waste time and energy protecting a group of families that Voldemort might attack again. I don't think he would attack if they were protected."

"Isn't that the point of having a guard?" Michael Corner asked.

"Yes, but it's a waste of manpower," Harry answered. "I don't think Voldemort will attack your families again, at least not under the same pretense. By now he's moved on to planning his next Revelry. He's not concerned with sending the same message twice."

"Why can't they be protected?" someone asked, but Harry couldn't place the voice with a name.

"Because they can't," Harry said, standing up wearily.

"Some advice, Harry," Blaise told him quietly. Harry looked at the boy and nodded for him to continue. "You can't be a wreck. You aren't allowed that luxury." Blaise glared at Ginny and Hermione as they started to argue with him. "I'm not saying this to be mean, but this school looks at two people for strength and assurances: Professor Dumbledore and Harry Potter. If you two can continue fighting then so can they. But as soon as it becomes too much for one or both of you, they'll lose heart.

"I didn't choose this side because it was going to lose. I chose this side because they offered the best chance at a future I want to live. But if people start giving up, then we'll lose, hands down." He looked at Harry intensely. "I don't want to lose."

Harry stared right back at him, trying, but failing to keep his temper. When another fifth year asked another why their parents weren't being protected Harry snapped. He knew, deep down, that he would regret this when he was done, but at the moment only letting his temper loose mattered.

"You want to know how you can protect them?" he asked rhetorically. "You can quit. You can turn your back on this club and never attend another meeting. There is nothing I can do!

"You see me as some hero," he told them forlornly. "I'm a sixteen-year-old boy, still at Hogwarts. There is nothing I can do! If you want the school to do something, go talk with Dumbledore. But I wouldn't if I were you. It would probably only cause the closing of the D.A. It would be too dangerous to keep it open. You want to fight?" There were several automatic nods.

"Well, guess what, you're going to hurt," he told them starkly, without hiding the truth. "I tried to tell you that at the start of the year. I told you all that I thought you were lucky. You had your families. My only family hates me and what I am. Voldemort ripped the rest from me: my parents, my godfather, my parents' best friends. That's war, plain and simple.

"I'll be strong," Harry said bitterly, "if that's what it takes to keep your resolve strong. But I can't fix the world. I'm sixteen! I'm not a super hero! I'm just me and only me." He looked at them once more and then stormed out of the room. No one tried to follow. He walked up to the dorms, took out the Journal, and started writing Ginny a letter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ginny exchanged a worried look with Hermione, Ron, and Thia, before taking over the meeting. Everyone was stunned, but none were nearly as surprised as these four. They thought Harry had accepted his fate. Well, I guess not, Ginny told herself.

"What was that?" someone asked. Ginny looked at them, shaking her head in annoyance.

"That was a sixteen-year-old being pushed to his limits," Ginny answered angrily. "Didn't you stop to think about it from Harry's point of view?" They shook their heads no. "He has no family of his own. He has been 'adopted' into one, but it's not truly his. You want him to protect your families. You insisted on it, even. But he couldn't even protect his own; he couldn't keep his Godfather from dieing or his parents. How can you possibly expect him to protect yours? He's only sixteen. What can you expect?"

There was an embarrassed silence. "He's running on empty. A month and a half of fighting with one's best friend and years of habitual nightmares and weekly visions from Voldemort wears a person down. He watches as innocent people are murdered. He's sick from it, from the pressure. He loves teaching you guys, but you demand things he can't give." She looked at them and noticed the looks of guilt on their faces.

"Look, if he could, he would protect your families," she said trying to fix any rifts. "But he's only human. He can't even protect those closest to him, and it destroys him. You complained when he moved the meeting date, even though it wasn't his fault. Even though he was in trauma. He might not have known who died, but he knew why. And now he watches as four of his friends are wracked with grief that even he doesn't understand. And he's been through it a lot this year."

"We didn't know," Susan said once she was sure Ginny was done.

"Of course you didn't," Ginny said with a faint smile. "Would Harry be Harry if he told us exactly what he's thinking, except when he loses his temper?" Others smiled weakly and nodded in agreement. "Just give him a little space, and he'll get around to apologizing soon enough. Goodnight." Everyone left, talking quietly. "Wait," Ginny called to the departing students. "Let's keep this to ourselves. As Blaise so correctly stated, the student body draws strength from Harry, so let's keep this quiet. They have enough of their own problems as it is." The group nodded and filtered out of the room. Soon it was only Ginny, Ron, Hermione, and Thia in the room.

"He told you all of that?" Ron asked amazed.

"Yes and no," she answered slowly, sitting gratefully in Harry's empty chair. "I've learnt to 'read' him. He says a lot without saying anything. Glances and nervous habits say so much once you start to listen."

"I think you three should give him some space tonight," Thia told them. "Bombard him tomorrow, but give him the night to sort everything out." They nodded in understanding. "Would you tell him that Remus, Tonks, and I expect him at noon tomorrow for a training session?"

"You guys worked it all out then?" Hermione asked curiously.

"Yeah," Thia answered with a thankful sigh. "Something Harry said hit home last week and we've worked it all out. So, Operation Wedding is back in full swing. And I found a great place for the actual ceremony."

"Where?" Ginny asked.

"Not telling," she said with a smile. "It's a secret." This seemed to end the conversation, so the three Gryffindors said goodnight to Thia and walked slowly to the Gryffindor tower.

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Dear Gin,

I'm not sure what just happened. I was so angry and all I could do was vent out my thoughts. I didn't really have a choice, because my temper has been building for weeks now. I'm not sure if anyone will want to come back.

Do you think I was right in yelling at them?

Oh well, it's too late now.

I'm glad I have Ron and Hermione back. I shudder to think about how horrible this week would have been without them. It was hard enough as it was.

I'm sorry that Valentine's Day was such a let down. I just couldn't come up with anything to make it special. Forgive me? I'll try to make it up, 'cause you deserve better then that.

The Dreamless Sleep Potion didn't work last night. It did keep me asleep, but it didn't keep the nightmares away. I wonder if that's common or not. I think I'm going to ask for one tomorrow night and then Friday night again. Hopefully it'll work because I really need sleep. I'm so tired.

Thanks for pulling me back from the panic tonight. I appreciate it. Do you think I was too brutal with the telling of that vision? I'm still not sure if it was appropriate or not. Once again, too late now.

I wonder if I'm meeting with Thia tomorrow. She never said anything this week. I'll have to talk with her in the morning. I hope so, because it's so important for me to learn everyt (His writing trailed off before starting up again.)

Gin, I'm scared. I'm terrified. Every night this week I watched that nightmare from Christmas repeat itself. And then last night, that was all I saw. I'm petrified by the thought of losing you and Ron and Hermione and everyone else. The next time we're able to talk alone, I want to tell you about it. It helps when I talk to you, so hopefully I'll be able to tell you. Though no promises, and please don't push too hard.

Gin, please, don't ever leave me. Don't you dare! I won't be able to live without you or Ron or Hermione. I just don't know how to tell them that. At least I can write it down and tell you, but I can't tell them (or you) out loud. It's too difficult and I don't know how.

Thanks for listening... or reading this. I'm sorry to burden you with this all.

Yours forever,

Harry

Harry didn't re-read what he wrote. He cleared the pages and walked out of the dorm under his invisibility cloak. He wandered through the halls until he arrived in the Owlery. He quickly found Hedwig's white silhouette and called her to him. He told her to deliver the package to Ginny, but not to wake her. If she could manage it, he would like her to set it down on Ginny's pillow.

Hedwig nipped his ear in affection and then took the strings of the package into her beak. Harry watched as Hedwig flew out the window and up to the Gryffindor girls' dorm. He stayed there, staring out at the Forbidden Forest. He let his mind drift, thinking of nothing, yet thinking of everything. The events of the past week played before his mind's eye. It had been a long week. It would have been even longer without Ron and Hermione. At least he had them back. He wouldn't have made it through the week without them.

He turned around slowly and placed the cloak around his shoulders. He walked through the empty halls once more. They were deserted. Not another soul was walking them. That made sense, as it was long past midnight. He reached the portrait of the Fat Lady, giving her the password without taking the cloak off. She didn't even open her eyes, but just swung open. Harry walked into the empty common room.

He threw off the cloak and then climbed the last set of stairs to his room. He entered and then hurriedly changed into pajamas. He climbed into bed and then laid his head down, hoping just once, that he'd not dream of anything. Though he had his normal nightmares, they weren't as vicious or as hard to bear. Except for the last one. The death parade returned in all of its glory.