Harry Potter and the Loss of Innocence

Chapter Thirty-Two: Can Death Heal

Hush my love,
Now don't you cry
Everything will be alright.
Close your eyes and drift in dream.
Rest in peaceful sleep
~Creed: Lullaby

Harry's screams woke Ron, who climbed out of his bed angrily. He'd show that over-stuffed egotistical boy exactly what he thought of Harry waking everyone up.

Ron walked over to Harry's bed and pulled back the curtains furiously, drawing in a deep breath. Instead of screaming at the frustrating boy, Ron let out a loud oath. Harry was pale white and his scar shone a deep red color. It took Ron a few moments to realize that it was bleeding. Dean, Seamus, and Neville walked over and all three cursed as well. Dean left to get Professor McGonagall and the other two tried to wake Harry up. Ron just stood in confusion and fear.

The last time he had seen Harry this pale was the start of Christmas break when he had been lying in the hospital bed, fighting for life. Ron had felt his heart twist in agony at the thought of losing Harry and he had been relieved to learn about his complete recovery.

The other time he had seen Harry pale (though not quite as pale) was when all the brothers had shown up that fateful Saturday morning. It hadn't lasted long, because Harry wasn't one to back down. Instead a faint blush of anger and embarrassment had covered the pale face, but Ron wouldn't forget that quick moment.

Neville turned and looked at the frozen boy. "Ron, help us wake him!" he shouted and Ron moved to help. Dean had left the doors open and boys were starting to crowd around, Harry's screams waking them as well. A grapevine of sorts was created and those who could see were telling those that couldn't what was happening.

Professor McGonagall shouted for everyone to get out of her way and then she entered the room. She took one quick glance at the room's pale occupants and then went to the even paler boy. Only five short minutes had passed. They were the longest in Ron's entire life. Even longer than the minutes he had watched his sister disrobe his best friend... no his ex-best friend and then his ex-best friend start to disrobe his little sister.

She tried to wake him, but he wouldn't, or couldn't. It was hard to tell which. Professor McGonagall sent Seamus off to Madam Pomfrey and Neville off to Professor Dumbledore's. Both were to return with their adult as soon as possible.

Ron heard the loud voices of girls at the bottom of the stairs, trying to find out what was happening. They quieted as Neville reported to them in his deep, loud voice, and then Ron heard two screams he recognized: Hermione's and Ginny's. There was a loud commotion at the bottom of the stairs, but that was it. Soon the sobs of the two girls reached Ron's ears and he cursed Harry for doing this to them.

Almost ten minutes later, Neville returned with Dumbledore in his wake. A minute or two after that, Seamus entered with Madame Pomfrey. All three adults had a quick and quiet conversation and then the newcomers went to look at the boy on the bed.

Ron felt his stomach heave as he saw the state his best friend... no ex-best friend was in. His scar was bleeding freely now and his screams had become hoarse and scratchy. He only stopped screaming to take in raspy breaths of air with which to scream with some more. His body was shaking with the effort and lack of oxygen. Harry was a right mess and he hadn't even left his bed.

"Get Ginny," Dumbledore said after five minutes of futile shaking and investigation. "And Hermione." His voice sounded worried and tired. Ron started to fear once more for his ex-friend's life. He pushed his way through the crowded stairs and finally made it into the common room. He saw his sister and ex-girlfriend holding on to each other, desperately hoping for the best.

"Professor Dumbledore wants the two of you to come upstairs," he told them tiredly once he reached them. Hermione launched herself at him and he held her close. He was glad to have her in his arms once again. Ginny, on the other hand, propelled herself up the stairs, pushing people aside. Ron, with Hermione in the crook of his arm, followed in her wake.

"Call him back, Ginny," Dumbledore was saying as the two entered. Ginny walked over to the bed and then glanced at everyone shyly. Her eyes caught Ron's and he was frightened by what he saw. She looked back at Harry and Ron felt his heart break. He had lost his little sister forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Call him back, Ginny," Dumbledore finished simply. Ginny walked over to Harry, feeling her heart tear apart; he looked so horrible. She wanted to crawl in with him, but with everyone there she was too shy to do so. She glanced at everyone, catching Ron's watching eyes. She looked back and decided to do what she felt was right, her eyes filled with resolve.

She walked the remaining few feet and brushed his bangs out of his eyes. "Hush, luv." The door snapped closed and she looked up startled. Ron had shut the door and nodded for her to continue. She sat on his bed, next to Harry and cooed gently, "Hush, luv, don't scream." Harry stopped screaming, but it was only to take in more air. He started again and Ginny felt so lost.

He convulsed in pain, and Ginny threw herself on him so that he wouldn't hurt himself. He soon stopped, but his screams continued. Ginny snuggled into his chest and started to hum absently, running her fingers through his hair. She started singing the next stanza in her quiet soprano voice.

"You're safe while you're asleep in my arms,
Two arms holding you tight,
Makes everything right.
I'll hold you again but until then,
Just sleep my luv...I am here beside you.
I am here beside you."

There was a slight change in Harry's mood, yet he continued screaming, though they weren't as desperate. Ginny stopped singing at the end of that verse and looked at Harry sadly. "Come on, luv," she said encouragingly. "It's time to stop screaming." She started the next verse and Ron hummed quietly along with her.

"Just sleep my luv, I'm here beside you,
You're safe while you're asleep in my arms.
And if someday it seems,
You'll run out of dreams,
We'll hide one away just for the day.
So sleep my luv... I am here beside you.
I am here beside you."

The screams quieted and Ginny smiled at the sleeping boy. "That's it, luv," she whispered. "Come back to us." She started over, singing the verse that she had only hummed before.

"Sleep my luv, I'm here beside you,
You're safe while you're asleep in my arms.
The world is somewhere behind,
Don't worry your mind,
Wondering who cares about you.
So sleep my luv... I am here beside you.
I am here beside you."

Harry's screams started to become fitful, lasting only short periods of time, with deep breaths in between. He was calming down and Ginny repeated the lullaby over and over, until he stopped screaming altogether. She whispered in Harry's ear, "I love you, Harry James Potter." She was positive that he heard her and that he was the only one that did.

Ginny continued to stroke his hair, remembering what he had told her about that once. He enjoyed it when she did that and it was very calming. His breathing became even and he slipped into true sleep. Ginny didn't move and didn't stop combing his hair.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ron watched silently as Ginny coaxed Harry into a deep slumber. He expected Ginny to crawl out of Harry's bed, but she stayed where she was, calmly stroking his hair. Ron moved forward, but Hermione held him back. He looked at her, confused, but she shook her head no.

The two Professors were having a hurried conversation with Madam Pomfrey. Ron heard her whisper, "He can't stay here."

"And yet, he can't be moved either, Poppy," Dumbledore replied. Hermione dragged Ron out of the room. She started to disperse the crowd, telling them that everything was all right. They left for their beds, many quietly complaining about the disturbance.

They headed back to the room and found it just as it was when they had left. Ron led Hermione to his bed and they sat on it side by side. Ron tried not looking at Ginny curled up next to Harry, but he found that almost impossible.

Just as everyone started to relax, Harry sat straight up in his bed, accidentally knocking Ginny off the bed. He stared around the room wildly and then he laid back down, already asleep. Ginny curled up next to him, murmuring something in his ear.

The talking adults were visibly divided on whatever topic they were discussing. Ron had never seen a teacher or staff member stand up to Dumbledore's wishes like this before. McGonagall was split between Madam Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore.

Neville, Seamus, and Dean were sitting on their respective beds and Ron saw them fight to keep their eyes open. Even if they wanted to they wouldn't have been able to sleep with the arguing adults. They kept glancing from Ron to Harry and Ginny, obviously worried about his reaction.

He wasn't sure how he'd take this in the morning. He was glad he had Hermione back. Nonetheless, he knew that if he said one cross word about this, she'd leave him again. He could also see the amount of love Ginny had for Harry; he'd never be able to separate her from him. But did he want to anymore?

Ginny sat up, looking at Harry worriedly. "He's ice cold," she whispered to the room in horror. Madame Pomfrey hurried over, giving Professor Dumbledore one last angry glance. She felt Harry's temperature and then conjured a stretcher. Just as she was getting ready to move him, Harry woke up, staring at her blearily.

"Wha're you doing in 'ere?" he asked stupidly. Ron watched his gaze traveled from Ginny sitting next to him to the other two Professors to his worried dorm mates and then finally to himself sitting with Hermione tucked into his arms. "What'd I do now?" he asked exasperated with himself. This question took everyone off guard; Harry just rolled his eyes at them all. "They were just the normal run of the mill nightmares, so you can all go back to bed."

Ron saw the worried look exchanged between Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall. Madame Pomfrey was watching Harry, deep in thought, until she asked suddenly, "Do you always get so cold when you dream?"

"Sometimes," he answered with a shrug. "What does it matter?"

"It's not good for your body to drop in temperature so quickly," she answered clinically. Harry shifted uncomfortably and Ginny looked at him, only able to feel concerned for him.

"That was no normal nightmare, luv," she chided him, giving his arm an encouraging squeeze. Ron expected Harry to explode, but, of course, he didn't.

"It was too, Gin," he told her softly. "It was just the normal dream about Cedric." Ron watched a cloud pass over Ginny's face, but it passed within the same second.

"What about the one before that?" she asked. Ron realized what Ginny had already figured out: Harry had blocked the memory of the first dream out. She was questioning him about the others to trigger the memory.

Harry thought for a second and then shook his head as if to shake cobwebs off it. "It was the dream I'm not talking about," Harry answered. "You know, the one bothering me at the end of break." Ron wondered what the dream was. By the look of Harry it was horrible, even by his standards and by the look on Ginny's face it was a normal one.

"And before that, luv?" Ginny prodded once more, smiling at him warmly. Harry screwed his face into a look of complete concentration. Ron waited with everyone else, hoping that he would remember.

"I don't--" Harry started, but stopped thinking once more. He shook his head in defeat. "I don't remember, Gin. Why?" he asked curiously.

"Because you wouldn't wake up when shaken, you were screaming like a banshee, and your scar burst again," she answered him honestly. Harry unconsciously lifted his hand to touch the scabbed over scar, running his fingers along the length. Realization bloomed on his face and he turned ghostly white. Ginny moved out of the way just in time, for Harry leaned over and puked several times. Madame Pomfrey hurriedly cleaned up the mess and Ginny got him a glass of water.

He smiled his thanks, but said forlornly, "I don't want to talk about it tonight," Harry answered. "Maybe in the morning."

Ginny wrapped her arms around him, sensing his need to be held. "And why not, luv?" she asked cautiously.

"Because I don't feel like it tonight," he answered wearily and crossly. "Anyways, it'll make the papers tomorrow for sure." Ginny traded ominous glances with Hermione. "I'd like to get a few more hours of sleep, so if you'll excuse me?" he added in a clear dismissal.

"Harry," Professor Dumbledore said stepping forward, "will you be so kind as to tell me?" Harry wearily glanced at the Headmaster, but shook his head no.

"How about first thing in the morning?" he asked instead. "I can't give you any locations or identities, so it's nothing you can't find out about." Dumbledore nodded and left, sweeping McGonagall and Pomfrey out before him.

Ron watched sullenly as Ginny gave Harry a goodnight kiss. Hermione gave him a thankful peck on the cheek and the two girls left, whispering quietly together. He watched as Harry took off his glasses and laid down to sleep. Ron had a lot to think about, but not until he got a chance to question Harry.

"Hey, Harry, what was that?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two hours later and still an hour before dawn, Harry made his way down to the common room fire. He took his favorite seat in front of the fire and sighed. It had been a long two hours. For a little while, his dorm mates (including Ron, who hadn't spoken to Harry for ages) tried to get more information from him. After he blew up at them, they left him alone, drifting off to sleep.

What was Voldemort up to? Who were those people that he killed and then mutilated? He sure didn't know them. And what was the point of adding the lightning bolt to their foreheads?

It was obviously some kind of message, but what did it mean? Was it some kind of challenge from Voldemort? Or was Voldemort trying to make it look like Harry had switched sides? But what would that accomplish?

Harry sat, staring at the glowing embers, thinking of nothing. An hour or so later the portrait swung open and Harry turned to see who had entered. It was Professor Dumbledore and Harry automatically got up. He followed the old man out and down to his office.

Once they arrived, Dumbledore handed Harry a cup of tea, which he accepted gratefully. They sat in silence and Fawkes glided smoothly to sit on Harry's lap. The bird started singing his beautiful song and Harry stocked him gratefully. Harry loved the sound of the phoenix song; it was so peaceful and calming, heartening and courageous. It helped heal the wounds the past night had caused.

"I have a rough idea of what happened last night," Dumbledore started once the last note faded into nothing. "But could you tell me the little you do know?"

Harry told him about the black family that had been killed. (The man was dead by the time Voldemort had the Death Eaters mark him.) He then talked about the Asian woman and then the faithful Death Eaters who were also killed. He ended with the Muggle family who had all died. He tried to explain about the scar, but he couldn't get the words to form in his throat.

"Could you please tell me about the lightning bolts?" Dumbledore asked calmly. Harry explained about them, telling Dumbledore everything Voldemort had said. Finally, he was done and he slumped tiredly into his chair.

"May I go, sir?" Harry asked after a short pause.

Dumbledore opened his mouth to say something, but closed it with a shake of his head. He thought for a long moment and then nodded. "Yes, you may go." Harry got up from the chair and headed down the many stairs to breakfast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hermione and Ginny moved over so that Harry could sit in between them. He grabbed a piece of toast and forced himself to eat it. That was all he would eat that morning, for at that moment the post arrived.

Hermione was only one of a handful of D.A. members who still bought the Daily Prophet. She said that it was important to know what the enemy was saying so that you could fight back when needed. She handed the owl a few Knuts and then unfolded the paper. She looked at the front page and gasped in horror. Harry caught sight of the largest picture and blanched.

On the front page was a picture of the dead couple who had said that they were faithful to the Dark Lord. Their sightless eyes were full of confusion and accusation, asking for answers. And on their foreheads were the lightning bolt cuts, prominently displayed.

Four Families Destroyed:
Is Potter behind this?
By Rita Skeeter

Last night a horror of a magnitude that hasn't
been seen since the downfall of the Dark Lord
occurred. Last night, according to the earliest
reports, the Dark Lord's Death Eaters attacked
and killed four families simultaneously. Two of
the families were muggles, the other two were
purebloods, and one of those families were
even Death Eaters themselves. (see picture)

The thing most disturbingly chilling is the only
similarity between these mass killings. All of
the victims, young and old, dead and alive, were
marked with a lightning bolt on their forehead.
As you should know Harry Potter, currently a
student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and
Wizardry, is marked in the same way and in the
exact spot.

Some may call this coincidence, but I beg to differ.
The Dark Lord had a purpose for adding those
marks and this reporter wants to know why! Is
Potter in league with the Dark Lord? Is Potter
the Dark Lord's second in command? Or is Potter
working on his own, with his own followers, trying
to overthrow, not only the Dark Lord, but also
the whole English Ministry?

The Minister was not able to comment, but Senior Auror
Kinglsey Shacklebolt gave this quote, "All of the signs point
to V------; there is no evidence against it, but all for it." He
was one of the first Aurors on the site of....

Harry stopped reading, because several things distracted him. First, was a loud wail from the Ravenclaw table and Harry realized that it was Cho Chang. Dean Thomas was staring at a black owl and the letter it bore as if it was about to erupt in flames. At the Hufflepuff table, a few seats away from Harry, sat a wide-eyed Justin Flinch-Fletchley.

But the thing that distracted Harry the most came from the Slytherin table. "That bastard," Blaise Zabini screamed at an unfolded copy of the Daily Prophet. "They were idiots, but at least they served him faithfully!" he yelled at the girl at his side. He picked up the paper and balled it up. He threw it at Malfoy. "You see what Voldemort does to his followers! He uses them and then disposes of them. My parents served him faithfully and have since they were at Hogwarts... You know what he does?" Malfoy looked at the enraged boy in fear. "He kills them, treating them like traitors! And you want to know why?" Draco shook his head no, but Blaise continued anyway. "Because I didn't!"

Harry watched the boy storm out of the Great Hall and he remembered what Voldemort had said to that couple. It was because Blaise had chosen to fight along side him that Voldemort had killed Blaise's parents. It wasn't fair.

Other things started to click in Harry's mind. All four students affected had a black owl. Harry knew, as did the whole school, that a black owl meant a death had occurred in the family at the hands of Voldemort and his Death Eaters. The black family must have been Dean's family. The Asian woman had to be Cho's aunt, who had raised her. The Death Eaters were obviously Blaise's parents. And the Muggle family was Justin's. All were members of the D.A., and that was the only connection they all shared concerning the fight against Voldemort.

Harry looked up at Dumbledore and saw the dulled eyes staring at the hurting students. There was no twinkle; there couldn't be. A horror had occurred last night and Harry had witnessed the deaths of four families of his good friends. Each student was a strong supporter of him. Cho, Blaise, and Justin were leaders in their houses and in the D.A. Dean was his roommate and an even better friend then the other three.

All this death and its only purpose was to send a message to Harry. Well, Harry now understood and he wouldn't let Voldemort get away with this. Someday he would make Voldemort pay for hurting his friends. Harry got up angrily and stormed out of the Great Hall. He needed to go think about this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Harry?" he heard Ginny's cautious voice call to him. He didn't acknowledge her, but instead he continued looking out at the stormy sea. He heard her soft steps approach him and then felt her sit next to him. He turned away, not wishing her to see his face. "What's the matter, luv?" she asked, hugging him.

Harry leaned into the embrace, thankful for the support, but he didn't cry. He was too angry to cry, too tired to cry, and too fed up with crying to cry. Ginny held him tight and whispered comforting words into his ear. Harry couldn't understand most of what she said, but he got the meaning. His body relaxed and he was able to let go of the anger.

"What's the matter, luv?" she asked once more, whispering into his ear. Harry pulled away and then jumped casually over the edge. He landed softly and looked back at Ginny, who jumped also. He walked with her, down to the waterline and there they sat, with the ebbing tide at their feet.

"You want to know why he did that?" Harry asked rhetorically. "Because their children support me and are in the D.A." Harry gripped a handful of sand tightly, imagining that Voldemort was each and every bit of sand.

"You don't know that, luv," she stated.

"That's what he told Blaise's parents when they asked," he told her dully. "They were killed because he betrayed Voldemort and 'works' for me."

"Oh, luv," she answered, pulling him in for another embrace. "It's not your fault."

"And why not?" Harry asked, pulling away. "If Blaise hadn't promised his loyalty to me, his parents would be alive! If Dean weren't a roommate and friend," Harry yelled at her and the world, standing up and pacing frantically, "his family would be alive. If Cho weren't my friend and my strongest supporter in Ravenclaw, she wouldn't be hurting right now. If Justin weren't a good friend and a leader in his House, his sisters, brother, and mum would still be alive! It's because they are all close to me that this happened. If they hadn't chosen to be my friend, Voldemort wouldn't have killed their families!"

Ginny sat and looked at him, waiting patiently for him to calm down. He appreciated it and finally sat back down. "You know, that isn't a very fair thing to say," she told him seriously. "What else do you expect them to do, support you half-heartedly? Not to be your friend? Harry, there's no way for them not to fight. This generation wants to fight, needs to fight and we're responding. All Voldemort accomplished last night was angering those who already strive against him. Don't ever insult them like that again. As if they couldn't be your friend!"

Harry looked at her with surprise. He hadn't thought about that. Even without him, these four would still fight against Voldemort. They would have been targets, but still he felt horrible.

"I guess so, but--" Harry shook his head and turned back to the ocean. Ginny waited as patiently as she could, but that didn't last long.

"What is it? she asked him softly.

"I watched their families die," he said in desperation. "I watched them die, Gin, and I can't face them. Not now, not ever. Not knowing that their families' deaths were just to send a point to me. How am I going to face them?"

Ginny pulled Harry close and hummed a lullaby under her breath. Harry felt his body relax again, and he thanked the heavens above for this wonderful girl. "You'll face them just like you face Sephra," she told him confidently.

"Do you know how hard that is?" he asked forlornly. "I have to remind myself that they died fighting for something they believed in, but this time.... None of these people chose to fight against Voldemort. In fact, two were fighting for Voldemort." He stopped and turned away from her. He looked back at her, and his eyes were filled with such desperation that it broke her heart. When he started back up, Ginny felt her heart break once again. "Gin, I don't want to know this stuff. I don't want to know how the Death Eaters operate or how the command system works under Voldemort, but I do. I just want to have normal dreams about my girlfriend and school and Quidditch and I don't know... the future. Not nightmares from the past and present. I just want to be free of that." Harry heard Ginny strangle a cry and he instantly felt sorry for telling her all of this.

"I'm sorry, Gin," he apologized into her hair. "I didn't mean to burden this all on you."

"Harry Potter," she said angrily through her tears. "That's what I'm here for. Don't you ever forget that!" Harry smiled at her and wiped the tears from her face.

"I'll try not to," he answered honestly.

"You'd better not!" she threatened again.

"Let's go back up," Harry finally said. They walked up the steep pathway and after five or so minutes they came to the top. Harry was surprised to see Ron sitting under the tree with Hermione in his arms. Ginny steered him over to them and they sat across from Ron and Hermione.

"Hey, Ron," Harry said awkwardly.

"Hello, Harry," Ron said just as stiffly.

"Don't make me hex you both!" Hermione threatened. Ginny laughed at the identical looks of horror on both boys' faces. "That's much better."

"I'm sorry, Ron," Harry offered once more, hoping that Ron would accept it this time.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, luv," Ginny chided gently.

"Yeah I do, Gin," he told her honestly. "I let your brothers down. I told them that there would be nothing inappropriate and that definitely wasn't appropriate. Anyways, I owe him one for all the fights we've had since and things I've said to him."

Ron looked at Harry, obviously deep in thought. He switched his gaze to Ginny and then to Hermione. Finally his gaze landed on Harry and Ginny's entwined hands. "Apology accepted." Ron glanced around at the scenery and seemed to be struggling with something. "I'm sorry for blowing this way out of proportion."

Harry sat, a comically stunned expression on his face, matching the ones Hermione and Ginny were wearing. Ginny was actually staring at Ron with her mouth open, which amused Harry greatly. He gently closed it and then smiled at Ron. "It'd be my pleasure to forgive you." Ron smiled back; both men were thankful that this was over with. "Can I take your sister out for Valentine's Day?" Ron nodded and Hermione laughed happily. "That's good, 'cause I was going to take her out anyway." Ron smiled at Harry's comment and they started to joke around.

The tension between the four dissipated and Harry thought that the world was finally right. His girlfriend was at his side. His tutor was back now. An insane murderer was out for his blood. And best of all, his best friend wasn't competing for his blood as well.