Harry Potter and the Loss of Innocence

Chapter Thirty: The Gift

Baby, there's something about you
That I can hold onto
I'm going to hold onto that.
~Five for Fighting: Something About You

Harry watched eagerly for the owl from Remus the next morning, but it didn't come. He was sore from his morning lesson with Bryant and knew he'd just get more bruises that evening during Quidditch practice. He was, however, looking forward to his second lesson with Keene and his first lesson with Althea Cayrs right before lunch.

Hagrid was beaming when Harry arrived, without Hermione or Ron, for his Care of Magical Creatures class right after breakfast.

"I got a treat for yeh," Hagrid announced to the class. "I was 'oping ter get 'im fer the start o' term, but didn't. But 'e's 'ere now." Hagrid lead them around the grounds and away from the buildings. Harry took this direction as an ill omen and started to worry about what Hagrid had up his sleeves.

"What is that?" Malfoy asked when they first saw it.

"'E's an Occamy," Hagrid said proudly. Harry stared at the animal in question. It was about three feet long, had feathers, and a serpent-like body. He rather liked this creature and couldn't figure out what had Hagrid so excited. "'E'll grow ter be 'bout fifteen feet an' 'e'll be a good fighter."

"Aren't they dangerous?" Blaise asked carefully.

"Only if you provoke 'em," Hagrid answered. "Jus' stay back an' 'e'll do yeh no 'arm. For the class, draw 'im an' label 'is body parts." Harry sat away from everyone and started his diagram. Neville walked over and sat next to him.

"Er, Harry, I was wondering if I could ask you something?" he said after about five minutes. Harry looked up, feeling confused, and nodded. "I was wondering if you'd explain yourself?" Harry stared at him, surprised, and a faint blush spread across Neville's face. "You don't have to, but Ron's been bad mouthing you and I don't believe most of it. That, and Ginny's a special girl; if you hurt her, I'll..."

"No, I didn't," Harry said interrupting him. "Look, Ginny and I just kind of lost control," Harry explained, but Neville interrupted him.

"I know that," he said exasperatedly. "And I know most of what Ron has been saying is false. I'm just trying to figure out why you're getting so angry with Ron." Harry thought about it and went back to his drawing. Neville continued to stare at Harry, making him feel uncomfortable.

"Look," Harry finally said, turning to Neville, "I've never thought about that, so just give me awhile to think it through." Neville nodded and let Harry think.

Why did he get mad? A lot of it was because Ron was implying things about Ginny that Harry didn't like, or because Ron was threatening her. But other than that? Did his subconscious find some grain of truth in the accusations? He hoped he'd respect Ginny's wishes, but would he? Could he?

He didn't know why he felt the need to protect her. It wasn't like he had been her best friend or her brother before they started dating. He didn't have a right to feel protective of her. He didn't have a right to feel possessive of her; she wasn't his. Or was she? Not in the sense that he owned her, but she meant everything to him. She had saved him...

The bell rang, distantly echoing back from the castle walls, and everyone started to gather up their stuff. Neville stood, brushing off grass and dirt. Harry stood and faced his friend. "I'll give you an answer later, I promise." Neville nodded and they headed back to the castle together. Harry said goodbye in the Entrance Hall and walked into the Great Hall for his lesson with Althea Cayrs.

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"Hello, Harry," Althea said as Harry stepped into the vast room. She was leaning up against the end of the Hufflepuff table, but stood straight as he approached. She was several inches shorter than Harry and was a rather plain looking person.

"Hello, Ms Cayrs," Harry responded in like. She smiled and her face lit-up with the warmth radiating from it.

"Call me Althea, I don't care," she said in a gentle tone. Harry nodded and stood in front of her. She was the type of person who made you feel comfortable, even though you've never met before. "So, you've never had healing lessons before, is that correct?"

"I've learnt really basic spells," Harry responded, looking down at the short witch.

"Like what?" she asked, looking for information.

"I can heal cuts and bruises, simple fractures in the larger bones, and sprains," Harry answered.

"Write down the healing spells you use for those and any you've heard of before that you want to learn." Harry took the proffered parchment and wrote them down. She looked at the page and a smile crept over her face. "I can tell an auror-trained healer taught you these. They're the basic healing spells."

"Yeah, Thia taught me them," he told her, and Althea nodded.

"Well, they work, but they waste a lot of energy," Althea said as she took out a book. She handed it to him and he paged through it. It was handwritten and described many different types of healing. "This will be your main textbook, but there will be one or two others that I'll get for you later, when we need them. This is my notebook, or rather a copy of it. You'll learn every spell in there, because they're the ones I deem most important. You said you have very little free time after school, correct?"

"Yeah, I've got a lot of things to do," Harry replied.

"Well, then, in a few weeks we'll spend class time in the hospital wing so that you can learn how to heal on real people. But first," she said taking out her wand, "we need to learn the spells."

Harry spent the next two hours learning two healing spells. She went through the theory of the spell first and then showed him the wand movement. Next, she taught him how to pronounce it and then he was allowed to put everything together. He didn't do as well as he had hoped, but healing was never his thing.

By the time the bell rang for lunch, Harry was exhausted. He had spent so much energy with that class that he was beyond surprised. He slumped into his chair and waited for Ginny to arrive so that they could eat together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day passed in a blur after that and it was to Harry's surprise that he found himself in the Dark Arts room, training with Thia. They reviewed some of the things Harry had learnt right before break and then they sparred. Harry was taken aback by how long he could hold his own against her.

When they were done, Harry sat in his normal desk, sipping his cup of tea. Thia sat in the desk next to him, staring at him over her own cup. "Was Remus able to help?"

"Yeah, but he said he needed to find the notebook they made," Harry answered. "Thanks for thinking of him. I can't believe I didn't."

"It wasn't a problem," she said. "How do you like your classes?"

"They're hard," Harry answered honestly. "But I like them. They're the challenges that I really need. Thanks for convincing them to help me."

"That wasn't a problem either," Thia said smiling. "So what did you do with them?"

"Bryant beat the crap out of me both mornings so far. I think he enjoyed it," Harry said absently, rubbing a bruised bruise. "I didn't manage to cast two healing spells successfully for Althea and Keene has been testing me on all the spells I know."

"That sounds about right," Thia said with a nod. "Don't let Bryant fool you, he's a teddy bear underneath all that gruffness."

"If you say so," Harry said, doubting her word.

"And healing is a lot harder than it looks, especially to do it the way she's teaching you. Just don't give up," Thia warned him. "Althea hates quitters."

"Okay," Harry said, "but there's no way I would quit. I do like Keene."

"Yeah, Keene's a good guy," Thia nodded in acknowledgement. "He'll make sure you know every spell you need to know." She paused. "Including Dark spells that you'd rather not know."

"Aren't you teaching me that?" Harry asked.

"I was," she clarified. "But he will now. It'll give us more time to work on Occlumency and dueling. He'll be teaching you spells, I'll show you how to apply them." Harry nodded in understanding.

"Well, I need to go finish my Potions homework," Harry said as he finished the last of his tea. "Don't need to give him a reason to give me another detention."

"Have you served them yet?" Thia asked.

"No, he hasn't told me when," Harry answered. "See you at supper." Thia nodded and Harry left to finish his homework.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So do you have an answer yet?" Neville asked, once Harry had limped into the common room after that evening's Quidditch practice. Harry sat next to him and thought about what to say.

"For one, I don't like what Ron's implying about either of us, but particularly about Ginny," Harry answered. "She's his sister, but he spreads rumors about her that aren't true."

"He doesn't mean to," Neville answered honestly.

"I know, but he still does it. I also," Harry shook his head, not sure how to say it. "She's my girlfriend and I feel like I need to fight for her, to protect her."

"Ron wasn't threatening her," Neville argued logically.

"He did Saturday morning," Harry responded. "And then there's the fact that Ginny has helped keep me together since Sirius's death," Harry whispered quietly. "She's important to me and I'm not going to lose her without a fight."

"That's interesting," Neville said in a slow thoughtful voice.

"Why?" Harry asked warily.

"I thought that's what you said Sunday night, but I wasn't sure if you really meant it," Neville explained. "I think Ron needs to know just how much she means to you."

"I've told him that before," Harry said shortly. "And I thought he believed me."

"Well, tell him again," Neville advised. "We all know how thick Ron can be."

"Yeah," Harry mumbled. "What do Dean and Seamus think?"

"About the same as I do," Neville added with a shrug. "We know something happened, and that it wasn't great but it wasn't as bad as Ron makes it out to be. We aren't going to tell anyone, either."

"Thanks," Harry said with a smile.

"But if you continue to sleep down here, people will start to notice," he cautioned Harry. Harry nodded, but a thought came to him.

"Why do you care so much?" he asked Neville. "I'm mean about why I got mad at Ron and about Ginny?"

"You and Ron are good friends, for each other and to me," Neville answered with a shrug. "I don't want a girl to mess that up. And I don't want you to hurt Ginny in any way. She's always been nice to me and she's a great person."

Harry nodded in agreement and headed up the stairs to sleep. He needed a good night's sleep tonight, because he was starting to run on empty. Of course he didn't get the rest, but instead woke fitfully through out the night. Couldn't he just get one small break his way?

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"Hey, Gin," Harry said, greeting her the next morning. He kissed her quickly on the cheek. "How are you?"

"I should be asking you that," she said with a smile. "I'm fine, thanks for asking. How are your new classes?

"Good. I like them," Harry answered, piling food onto his plate. "Though Bryant's lessons just plain hurt."

"Oh, you poor baby," Ginny said, hugging him. They sat in silence, eating and thinking. "Have you talked to anyone?" Ginny finally asked.

"Yeah, Neville talked to me yesterday," Harry answered. "I think that's straightened out, except for Ron. Do you know why Hermione won't talk to me?"

"She isn't talking to you?" Ginny asked, looking surprised. "I didn't think she was mad enough to ignore you."

"Yeah, she's sitting with Parvati and Lavender in all the classes we have together," Harry informed her.

"I don't know." Ginny thought about it for a moment. "I'll ask her when I get the chance."

"Thanks," Harry said, looking up as the mail was delivered. Harry had always loved to watch the mad chaos as the owls descended to their targets, but today's glance was more than an idle one. He was thrilled when an owl landed in front of him with a medium sized package.

"What's that?" Ginny asked, looking at it with curiosity.

"Nothing for you," Harry teased her. "At least not yet." She stuck her tongue out at him, but he just smiled. Putting the package into his pocket, he stood, deciding to get his book bag from his room. "See you at lunch, Gin."

"See you, luv," Ginny said grumpily. "That gift better be worth the wait," she added with a smile and waved as he left. Harry rolled his eyes and hoped to himself that it was.

In his dorm room he unwrapped the notebook and read the small letter attached to it.

Dear Harry,

Sorry that it took an extra day, but it wasn't where I thought it was. I'm glad I found it though.

As a Marauder I must ask you not to show this to anyone. The only reason I'm showing you is because you're James' son and he would have wanted you to see this. But, please keep this away from everyone else, including Thia, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny. Thank you,
Remus

Harry grimaced. It would be hard keeping this a secret from everyone, but he'd try for Remus. He stuffed it into his book bag and climbed down the stairs for Transfiguration.

The day passed slowly for Harry, even his last class with Keene for the week, which he had after lunch. Hagrid showed them the Occamy and Hermione told everyone trivial facts about them. Finally, the bell rang and Harry all but sprinted to the Room of Requirement.

He sat on the edge of his cliff and opened the notebook. He read through the notes, writing down things that were important for his task. Harry was surprised to see how thorough the notes were and he knew he'd be able to follow the directions.

It was also fun to read. There weren't only notes about the making of the Map, but also notes about their lives. Sirius and James were continually teasing one another about everything and anything. Remus would step in every so often to correct grammar, straighten out the facts, or mercilessly tease them both. Even Wormtail snuck in a comment or two, but Harry thought he was just egging them on.

Harry stayed through supper, working on the Journal. He needed to come up with two passwords, one to open it and one to close it, but he couldn't think of anything that wasn't corny. 'Love forever.' Well that's a stupid password, Harry mocked himself. So is 'Unfinished Thoughts'. Finally, he gave up and picked two passwords from the horrible list he had gathered. He finished the spells and shut the book.

He picked it up and paged through the blank pages. He couldn't see either of the letters he and Ginny had written. He tapped his wand on the cover and muttered, "A few things easier to write." The first two pages were quickly covered in writing and their letters reappeared. "A few things easier to read," and the pages disappeared. Harry smiled; he had done it! Now he just had to explain it to Ginny.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was finally Friday night, but Harry's week wasn't over yet. He still hadn't told Ginny about the Journal. Someone was always around to listen in. He hoped to tell her later that night and he hoped that Ron wouldn't find out. Things were bad enough as they were. First, though, there was the D.A. meeting; the first meeting of the new year.

He waited patiently as the students filed in and was surprised to see Ron enter the room. However, Ron went to the back of the room and turned away from Harry. They couldn't start because Thia hadn't arrived yet. Harry looked over his students and noticed a few odd looks on their faces. Some of them were staring at the split up trio with concerned, worried, and/or interested looks. Others were giving Harry and Ginny odd looks filled with speculation. A few others dared to give him doubtful looks.

Thia finally arrived, fifteen minutes late, and Harry glared at her. She shrugged and took her seat next to the fire. Harry turned back to the crowd and changed his plans for the twentieth time that night.

"Is there anything anyones wants to discuss?" he asked the group. There were a few surprised looks and an embarrassed silence fell over the group. "No?" Harry said, surprised. "Then let me ask me a question." There were a few laughs, but Harry didn't wait for them to finish. "Harry, why the hell did you defend Snape Monday in Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

Harry noticed he got everyone's undivided attention. "The simple answer is that I owe my life to that man. He saved me on the nineteenth and without his intervention I'd have died or ended up in the closed ward, insane." He looked over the group and saw the stunned looks on their faces.

"Another reason is that I have known that Snape has been a spy for awhile now." He heard Thia's intake of breath and he shot a look at her. "What does it matter? It's not like I can rise any higher on Voldemort's 'to do' list." Thia frowned, but nodded. "I found out by accident a few years ago and then through my connection with Voldemort this year. We've all had our doubts about him and now you know they were based on some fact."

"Why do you trust him?" Cho asked, astonishment coloring her voice.

"Because he can't serve Voldemort anymore; he doesn't have a choice," Harry told them. "Voldemort wants his death and it won't be a pretty one. Sure, the saving my life thing could have been staged, but not the events that have happened since."

"Like what?" Hannah Abbott asked.

"Our new Potions textbook for one obvious answer," Harry told her.

"But he wrote it," Hermione argued logically. "You've got to admit, someone who wrote a book about Voldemort's special poisons is questionable, especially when he came up with them."

"I've read through it all," Harry told them. Hermione gave him a startled glance. Obviously she was surprised that he had read ahead in a class, particularly Snape's. "Less than half of those potions are just his work and those that are his are kind of pathetic compared to the others. Well, they are when you look at the amount of pain and suffering they cause, at least. He worked on the antidotes on just about every other potion in there and has notes on the few he hasn't figured out. Very little of that book is about the poisons; most of it is concerned with the antidotes."

"You said you were a special case," Blaise said insolently. "What did you mean?"

"That's between Professor Snape and me," Harry told them with authority.

"The group his dad was in didn't get along with Snape," Ron told the group. Harry glared at him, but Ron turned to look the other way.

"That's only the tip of the iceberg, Ron," Harry said waspishly. "And that's all that will be said on that matter."

"What about Rita's article?" a fifth year Hufflepuff named Carlos asked.

"What about it?" Harry asked right back. "Do you mean the barely hidden accusations or the blatant lies? I hope you all know me well enough to know where my loyalties lie. Don't insult me by believing her. If you want my advice, subscribe to the Quibbler."

"Why?" Carlos asked, surprised. "They only print rubbish."

"Luna's father," Harry stressed delicately, and Carlos blushed, "is the editor, and he is willing to print the truth. Don't let common misconceptions sway your beliefs."

"Why did you quit Charms and Herbology?" Susan Bones asked. There were several nods of agreement from his classmates, and students from other years looked on in interest.

"I'm taking other classes," Harry answered evasively, with a quick look at Thia. She shrugged slightly, barely moving her shoulders at all, and Harry took that as an approval.

"What classes?" Lavender asked, interested. "Can we join?"

"No, you can't," Harry answered quickly. "One is physical training, one is a class from a Spell Master, and the other is a healing course."

"Why can't we join?" Blaise asked suspiciously.

"Because, as far as I know, none of you are at the top of Voldemort's to kill list," Harry answered bitterly and harshly. He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, that was out of line." Blaise nodded his acceptance. The others looked put out and worried by Harry's answer. "Let's just start with tonight's lesson, all right?" Harry asked, effectively changing the subject. The meeting went smoothly after that, and Harry taught them a new shield he had read about in the book Remus had given him for Christmas.

He left after everyone had gone and went around the corner. He waited until he heard Ginny's footsteps and surprised her by walking towards her.

"Why are we meeting in secret?" Ginny asked, her surprise evident in her voice.

"I don't want a chaperone," Harry answered honestly, "and I don't want Ron angrier with me." He walked in front of the Room of Requirement three times. He entered their hide-away and Ginny followed. "I have your gift." Ginny sat eagerly under the tree and Harry took out the wrapped Journal.

She unwrapped it, and then immediately dropped it into her lap, slightly angry and very shocked. "Luv, this was for you," she informed him gently, but Harry knew she was angry with him.

"Read the letter, Gin," Harry instructed her. She picked up the letter and read it with growing interest. He had known that he would have botched up the explanation, so he had written it out.

She took out her wand and muttered quietly, "A few things easier to write." She read through her own note and then read his letter. Her face went through several emotions, but overall she was happy. When she was done, she set it down slowly and looked over at him.

"So was it worth the wait?" Harry asked nervously. She didn't say anything, but leapt at him. She threw her arms around him and started to cry. "Why do I always make girls cry?" he asked her, quite startled.

"Because you're so damn lovable and cute," Ginny laughed through her tears. "I'm not sad, not really. Harry, I love the gift!" she said, pulling away far enough to see his face. "Thank you."

Harry smiled down at her and hugged her tightly. "I'm glad you do." He led her to the cliff and they sat side-by-side, looking out at the ocean. They sat like that, holding hands, for a long while.

"Are you really that worried about going too far?" Ginny asked, breaking the silence.

"Yes and no," Harry answered. "I'm just not sure, that's all. I think more boundaries will help." She continued to look out at the horizon, but Harry turned toward her.

"Like what?" Ginny asked, a little confused and embarrassed.

"What about, shirts stay on," Harry offered.

"Oh, but I like that view of you," Ginny teased. He smiled, but a blush crept onto his cheeks. "I'm sorry, luv," Ginny said, kissing his cheek softly. "Okay, hands off my breasts then," she said very softly. Harry felt his cheeks blush a deep crimson red.

"All," he started, but he had to clear his throat. "All right, sounds fair. What happened? I'm mean, how'd we lose control?" Ginny shook her head, just as confused. They sat in a slightly embarrassed silence for several more minutes. "I guess that's good for now. What are you going to do about Ron?"

"I'm going to wait until I calm down and then I'm going to prank him," Ginny informed him. "Want to help?"

"Sounds like a plan," Harry replied. "Though you'll have to wait until Ron and I are friends again, 'cause I'm not playing a prank on him until then."

"Fair enough," Ginny answered. "I talked to Hermione yesterday..." She trailed off and Harry waited for her to continue.

"And?" Harry prompted her.

"And she's not exactly mad at you," Ginny replied. "She doesn't want to pick sides too much. She says you both made mistakes and you're too stubborn to admit it to each other. She says it's just like fourth year."

"I hated fourth year," Harry mumbled angrily. "I hope it doesn't take so long for Ron to talk with me normally. School sucks without them."

"Yeah," Ginny agreed. "Hermione isn't enjoying it at all. Ron hasn't talked with her once since she yelled at him on the train. And she's tried talking." A silence fell between them and they enjoyed the others company. After a few minutes of snogging, Harry pulled away to look at Ginny.

"We should head back before curfew, don't want to run into prefect Ron," Harry told her. Ginny nodded and they headed back to the common room together. They entered the room holding hands and Harry didn't realize that until it was too late.

Ron calmly walked over to them and barely managed to grind out, "Potter, come with me," before moving towards the dorms. Ginny frowned, but Harry gave her a reassuring smile.

He mouthed, "I'll be all right," and followed Ron up the stairs, pretending nothing was wrong. But everything was wrong, in Harry's opinion. He didn't like the way things were anymore.

They climbed the stairs slowly, side-by-side, as if they were the greatest of friends. Yet, Harry couldn't help but the look on Ron's face made him feel like he was walking to his execution.

Ron stepped forward and slowly opened the door for Harry. Harry cringed at the loudness of the squeak and entered. He turned to face Ron and blanched; he couldn't bear the look of anger, hate, and disappointment that covered Ron's face. The door gave one more squeak and slammed shut.

Harry completely forgot that he was destined to be killed by Voldemort and not the tall red head in front of him. Instead, he found himself hoping beyond hope that he'd live to see the door opened once again.