Harry Potter and the Loss of Innocence

Chapter Ten: Screams of the Dead

Yes, there's times when I've been afraid
And there's no harm in that, I pray,
'Cuz I'm more frightened every day
That someone will take the hope I have away.
~Matchbox Twenty: Stop

At supper just minutes later, all the sixth years could talk about was their Defense class. They were impressed with her teaching style and slightly startled by what she had said. Her speech had brought home to them the fact that they were at war and what being at war really meant.

"Did you hear her say that only a few of her classmates are alive?" Parvati said quietly to the others.

"Yeah. I wonder who they are," Lavender asked them.

"Well, Professor Snape, her, Professor Lupin, Wormtail, two Aurors on the Closed Ward, and I think it was two Death Eaters in Azkaban," Harry answered what Lavender had thought was a rhetorical question. Everyone looked at him.

"Where do you know Professor Black from Harry? And why did she recognize that photo you put up?" Dean asked the question they all wanted answered.

"I met her this summer at my birthday party," Harry answered once he swallowed his food. "She was a surprise for Remus and he was there, so Professor Dumbledore brought her to the Weasleys."

"Wait, who's Remus?" Seamus asked.

"Sorry, Professor Lupin," Harry said and then took a drink of pumpkin juice.

"You call him by his first name?" a Hufflepuff sixth year asked from across the space separating the tables. He saw some Ravenclaws listening in too. It seemed to be an inter-house conversation; Harry almost invited them to sit at the Gryffindor table to make it easier on everyone.

"Yeah, they were best friends with my parents at Hogwarts. That's why Remus was at my birthday party." He took a bite of the chicken leg and swallowed. "Everyone thought Professor Black died soon after Voldemort fell. That's when she went undercover."

"Do you know what that means?" a Ravenclaw asked, coming over to the Gryffindor table so as to talk with him more easily. Several others, following the Rawenclaw, also started to stand around the Gryffindor table.

"Are you kidding?" he asked surprised. "She wouldn't even tell Remus. She said something like...." Harry couldn't remember exactly, so looked at Ron, Hermione, and Ginny for help.

Ginny came to his rescue, "It was 'here and there and many places in between'. And then 'out and about'. It was really funny, 'cause you couldn't tell that they hadn't seen each other in 15 odd years. She teased him as intensely as if they saw each other everyday."

"Yeah, she called Snape a greasy Professor," Ron said smiling.

"That's only because she was following Harry's lead," Hermione chided.

"C'mon, Hermione, she married Padfoot. There's no way she could like Snape," Harry reasoned with her.

"Padfoot?" someone asked. Harry was surprised to see such a crowd. He needed to answer this question carefully.

"My Godfather's nickname from when he was at school. Remus was Moony, 'cause he was a werewolf. My dad was Prongs, 'cause he acted all noble. My Godfather was Padfoot, 'cause he was a mutt. And then Peter, well, he was Wormtail, and he turned out to be a rat." Harry stabbed his chicken with his fork and cut at it viciously.

"Are you ok, Harry?" Ginny asked calmly.

"Yeah." He shook his head to clear away the anger. "Anyway, that's the only time I met Professor Black. But she was my mom's best friend and she does have a great sense of humor. As for knowing who's left from that class. Well, I asked Remus about his school days. Listening to stories about my dad and his friends and about my mom and hers. Anyways, he brought up that his class was almost gone. I asked him what he meant and he listed everyone he could think of."

"Who were the pictures of?" Susan asked.

"Well, my mom and dad. That's the picture Professor Black commented on. The other one was a picture of my Godfather. He died last June." Harry looked down at his plate. He didn't want to talk about that right now. Not with everyone listening.

It seemed that Justin Finch-Fletchley understood and asked, "Who was Wormtail and why don't you like him?"

"He's the Gryffindor Professor Black brought up, the one who betrayed his friends. Well, those friends were my parents and the reason Voldemort knew where they were hiding was because Wormtail told him. That's why I don't like him." Harry stood up and looked at the group. "You know, they asked me to start up the D.A. again. I should go talk to Professor McGonagall about that."

"No need to go anywhere, Mr. Potter. I am right here." Harry turned and saw his Head of House standing right behind him. "I was just going to ask if you wanted to talk about the D.A., but you seem to be ahead of me. Come along. We'll talk in my office."

Harry followed her to her office. The last time he had been in there was to talk about his future plans and get career advice. It seemed like ages ago. Well, he sure proved Umbridge wrong. He had surpassed even Professor Dumbledore's Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L score.

"Have a biscuit, Potter?" she asked offering him a tin.

"No, thank you. I'm full from dinner." He waited for her to get settled then asked, "What do you need to tell me?"

"For one thing, thank you for teaching those students last year. There's no way they would have scored as high as they did without your teaching." Harry nodded modestly in appreciation, but if they hadn't wanted to do it then there was nothing he could have done. It was their determination that got them their scores.

"Second, Professor Black and I will be supervising the meetings only because that is the school's rules on the matter. You will still be in charge and teaching them." Harry nodded; that was what her note had said. "Next, you must decide what room you want."

"Can we still use the Room of Requirement?" Harry asked with bated breath, not sure if they would allow it.

"You may. That would also take care of equipment and safe measures." She looked down at a piece of paper. Harry was surprised to see the original D.A. roster in her hands, complete with the title "Dumbledore's Army" on top.

"Only original members below the fifth year will be allowed. This is for several reasons," she said, and Harry shut his mouth. He had just been about to ask her why. "For one, it will make your job easier. You will be able to focus on more difficult spells and not have to worry about the younger students struggling with them. Second, it is for safety reasons. They don't have the control needed to perform the more difficult magic. And lastly, it is, once again, part of school rules." Harry nodded his head in agreement.

"Why did you guys decide to keep its original name?" Harry asked after a slight pause. Harry saw her lips curl up in what was most definitely a smile.

"Professor Dumbledore was honored and highly amused by it. It will also serve as a reminder for why the club is held."

"How?" Harry asked confused.

"It will remind you all of that horrible woman," McGonagall replied, "and the idiocy of the Ministry. Sometimes we must fight our own side when it is wrong. That is why we kept it. That and it amused us all."

"Is that everything?" Harry asked. His day was catching up to him and he just wanted to go to bed.

"Just one more thing. It has been a puzzle to us all as to how you communicated with one another," she said shaking her head. "We didn't see any of you talking regularly as would be normal for a secret organization."

Harry smiled and dug around in his bag. He found the small galleon and showed it to her. "By using this." She took it and shook her head. "When can we have our first meeting?"

"How can this be used as a means of communication? It's just a galleon." She turned it over and over in her hands.

"When can we have our first meeting?" Harry asked with a smile. Sometimes Hermione was just amazing.

"This Friday, if you want." Harry grabbed the coin, thought of the date, and tapped the coin with his wand. It glowed for a moment and then went back to be a normal galleon. The only difference was the serial number had changed to 79596 or 7 PM, 9/5/96, the time and date of the meeting.

"Amazing! I suppose this is Granger's handy work." Harry nodded. "Well, I suppose I'll see you in the Room of Requirement at seven on Friday. Good evening, Mr. Potter."

"Good evening, Professor."

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Harry's Tuesday started out much better than his Monday had. His first class was Care of Magical Creatures with Hagrid outside his hut. Hagrid looked slightly disappointed when they arrived. As soon as everyone arrived he called for them to come and stand around him.

"I 'ave bad news for yeh," Hagrid started out sadly. "The beasts we were goin' ter look at, ain't arrived." Hagrid shook his head. He was clearly disappointed. "I 'ad a little trouble gettin' 'em. Sorry."

"Hagrid," Hermione asked, "what are they?"

"I'm not sayin'," he answered. "I don' want ter spoil the surprise." He pulled out a crate sitting next to him. "Instead, we're goin' ter look at these. An' there's more in me 'ut."

No one stepped forward to see what he would be teaching them about. They all remembered the blast-end skrewts from their fourth year. They were small at the beginning, but still hurt when they stung, bit, or burnt you.

"C'mon, there's nothin' ter fear." Harry looked at Hagrid's beaming face and took the first few steps toward it. Finally, he stood right next to in and looked in. He saw that the crate held a tank inside which held four animals.

"Hagrid, what are those?" Harry asked with disgust.

"They're lobalugs." Hagrid was beaming at Harry and then turned to get the other crates. They were about ten inches long with an ugly rubbery snout and a huge sac on its neck. "There should be enough for ev'ryone if yeh pair up."

Hagrid gave instructions for everyone to conjure a tank or to transfigure something into one and then scoop one up and draw it. Harry and Ron were the first one's to get theirs. (Hermione was up in the castle, learning about Ancient Runes.) In the end Ron had said, "Wingardium Leviosa!" and the lobalug floated out of the crate and into their tank. Several others copied his action and soon they were all busy with their drawings.

They were interesting creatures in a way. Merepeople used them as weapons, because their sacs were filled with venom. The creatures were easily frightened and used the venom as a way to escape from harm. Soon the period was over and Ron, Neville, and Harry headed for their double Herbology class, once again without Hermione. They saw her walking down to Hagrid's hut. Harry couldn't help but wonder what Hermione could tell them about lobalugs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After lunch they had their second Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Everyone was excited in a subdued kind of way. Many of the students had pictures of aunts, uncles, parents, cousins, or even a few older siblings to hang on the wall. Harry had found a picture of Cedric Diggory and he was planning to add it to the wall. He was looking for a picture of Bertha Jerkins, the witch Voldemort had killed after he had destroyed her mind before Harry's fourth year. He wished he could get a picture of the old man he had watched Voldemort kill over that summer also. Harry was planning on putting every picture he found of Voldemort's victims. He had sent a letter to Remus for pictures of old Order members and classmates. He wanted everyone to see the devastation caused by Voldemort.

It took about five minutes of class time for everyone to put their pictures up but Thia let them finish before calling them to order. "The first thing we will be doing or, rather, you will doing, is taking a pre-course test." Everyone groaned.

"The last pre-course test we had was all about the Professor," Dean complained.

"That would have been Lockhart?" Everyone nodded. "Well, no fear, it is about spells, both defensive and offensive in nature. I want to know which spells you know and which you don't. I will not be grading it; it is only to help me decide where to begin. Now, take one and hand them down." She gave about half of the stack to Harry, who was sitting with his back to the window and closest to her desk (and thus farthest from the door and Wall). She gave the rest to Sephra who was sitting opposite Harry across the middle of the room.

The class passed quietly and everyone filled out the test. Harry was surprised at how many spells he knew. He hadn't realized that in five short years he had memorized over five pages, front and back, of Defense Against the Dark Arts spells. There were a few that he didn't know, but he was doing better than Ron, who kept stopping to scratch his head. He thought he was doing better than even Hermione, who was sitting on the other side of Ron. He was the first to be done and looked around the room. His eyes rested on the Wall of Loss (as he had started to call it in his head) and sighed. So many hurt or killed. Some had sacrificed their safety for their side, others for Voldemort. One way or the other, had Voldemort not been around none of those pictures would be up.

About five minutes later, Thia realized that Harry was finished and smiled. "When you are done, please bring your test to my desk and place them in a pile right here," she said loudly, startling many. Harry got up and, thankful for being so close to her desk, put his test where she had indicated. "May I speak with you after class? It should not take long." Harry nodded and sat back down.

He still had thirty minutes of class, little under half of the period. He decided that a quick nap was in order and leaned his chair back against the windowsill. How he would regret that choice by the time he woke up.

It wasn't a vision; at least, Harry didn't think it was. He was in a dark room. The only source of light was a tiny window twenty feet above him near the ceiling. The room was a little larger than the Great Hall and so quite enormous. Harry looked around wondering what would happen next.

Then, the door, which Harry hadn't noticed until then, opened and a long line of people entered in. The first person was Sirius, followed by his parents. They didn't look as happy as they had in the photos. They seemed ragged and troubled. Possessed, even. But they were followed by Sephra's parents and younger brother. The boy and man were carrying the woman holding onto her stumps she had for arms. People, Harry recognized as dead members of the Order, were next. Witch after witch, wizard after wizard entered and started to pace around Harry in a circle. They all looked tormented, even if they didn't have any physical injuries. Sephra's mother was not the only person without limbs and her brother was not the youngest in the crowd.

After what Harry thought were ten minutes the silent crowd started to chant, "Avenge us, avenge us." Over and over their chant continued until it filled the room. But then a second line filed in, these dressed in the black robes of Death Eaters. There were several screams of fear from those who recognized the Death Eater that had sent them here.

They entered just as silently as the first ones, but they pushed their way though that ring and started to circle Harry, as if he were their prey. They were walking in the opposite direction as the others and never took their eyes off Harry. Those they touched screamed from pain, as if that very touch had driven a stake though their heart. Harry knew that not all of these Death Eaters were dead. He saw the stooped figure of Wormtail and the tall, proud frame of Lucius Malfoy. But here they were circling him nonetheless.

Unlike the others, who were still chanting, the Death Eaters stayed quiet. It seemed that they were waiting for someone or something. And then Harry saw what it was. As soon as that thin tall figure stepped in to the room everyone stopped and became quiet. The outside ghosts seemed to shy away from him. He didn't even look at them, even though he had killed or tortured them or given orders for others to carry it out. He looked at Harry and laughed his cruel high pitiless laugh.

"You see them?" he said waving at the host of the dead. Many screamed from fear at the attention he had given them. Voldemort listened with a sadistic smile on his face. He continued when they were quiet again. "They all fell to me. You see them?" he asked waving at the Death Eaters closing in on Harry. "They obey every command I give. How can you possibly think of defeating me?" He laughed again and Harry felt his blood run cold. The Death Eaters joined in and the host of dead shied away into the farthest corners of the hall. "Go back to your playing. Forget these dreams of revenge. You will only end up being one of them."

Harry stared at the hundreds of souls sent to the beyond by Voldemort. And, unlike normal, Harry felt despair. He was right. How could Harry ever beat Voldemort? How could he even dare plan revenge? Harry sank to his knees; the Death Eaters tightened their circle.

Then quietly, a voice spoke from the host. Harry wasn't even sure if he had actually heard it, but its words echoed in his brain. "Harry, we love you." Somehow Harry knew that it was his mother's voice and it gave him some strength. He stood up again, but despair still filled him. Voldemort had over come the protection her loving sacrifice had given him.

Then there was a long high-pitched wail from one of the dead victims and Harry fell back to the ground, defeated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Harry, wake up, mate. Class is over." Ron was startled by the look in Harry's eyes. They were dead. Completely dead. The only emotions were fear, despair, and a deep sadness.

"I'll never be able to do it," Harry said aloud. Somehow Ron knew that Harry wasn't talking to him.

"What's the matter, mate?" Ron asked confused and concerned. Sure Harry had those looks before, but nothing like this. It was a look filled with horror, with terror, and with loss. But Harry shook his head and looked back at Ron. Ron was glad to see that the look was gone, but he had a feeling that it was just hidden behind the wall Harry had built over the summer.

"Nothing. Go to class, Professor Black wanted to talk to me." Ron left and Harry walked over to Thia. She was standing in front of the Wall, staring at it sadly.

"I took that picture the Christmas your parents announced that Lily was pregnant with you. They were so happy. That village is Godric's Hollow, where they lived and where you were born. That's a picture of Sirius after graduation. None of us, he least of all, could believe that he had made it to the end and gotten a diploma." She was smiling sadly.

"What did you want to talk about?" Harry asked. He didn't want this to take to long or he'd be late for Charms, again.

"I just wanted to know if you wanted extra training. You seem to get into a lot of dangerous trouble and..." she stopped startled. Harry's eyes had clouded over with pain and suffering. There was also despair and horror there. The look Ron had seen just minutes before was back.

Harry didn't want to get into trouble; it usually found him. How could it not with a mad murder after him? With a prophecy that said kill or be killed? How could he ever hope to defeat him? How could a 16-year-old boy hope to destroy the darkest, evilest, most powerful Dark Lord in centuries? All he wanted to do was run away and hide from.... Him....

"No, I don't!" And he stalked out the classroom as fast as he could.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry decided to skip Charms class. He couldn't think clearly anyway and he didn't want to be surrounded by people right now. Was that a message from Voldemort or from his subconscious? He ran until he reached the stairs to the highest Astronomy tower and stopped. He always thought better in the air and this was close enough for the moment. He quickly climbed the stairs.

Why was it this dream that bothered Harry the most? He had been reliving the deaths of Sirius, Sephra's parents, Cedric and the horrifying events of the graveyard for months. Why was this threat from Voldemort different?

Maybe because it's true? Harry thought to himself. He'd never be able to win, not ever. Harry went over to the edge of the tower and looked at the ground far below. He loved the views from the high towers. They always took his breath away.

He didn't know why he had run from Thia. She was nice and would have been willing to talk, later after her last class. The only problem was that Harry didn't know her that well. He was too shy to talk to her about this. And there was the problem of the prophecy.

That's why he wouldn't tell Ron or Hermione about this dream. It would only lead to uncomfortable questions. Questions that Hermione was dying to ask. He jumped onto the low wall that surrounded the top of the tower and looked out over Hogwarts, the wind pulling at his robes. He loved the freedom being up here gave him. Nothing to think about. Nothing to do. No damn Prophecy to control his fate.

Should he tell them about it? They deserved to know. They had gone to the Ministry with him. They had stood by his side for years. But telling them would put them in danger. If Voldemort found out that they knew... Harry shivered from the fear of what he could do to them to get that knowledge. He watched owls leave the Owlery to start hunting early. Harry wished he could be a bird; to always have the freedom of flight. What a gift that would be.

And how would they react. Would it be the final straw that pushed them away forever? Would they believe that he was too dangerous to know? Harry laughed at that. Who was he kidding; he was too dangerous to know.

OR -- did he dare hope for this possibility?

Would they stay by his side till the end? Would they stay and fight with him until the final battle with Voldemort? But Harry didn't want that either. It would just get them killed and Harry didn't think he could stand to lose them as he had lost so many loved ones.

The bell rang for classes to be dismissed for supper and Harry was tempted to stay up there, where it was so peaceful and so calm. Where it was blissfully quiet. Where there were no screams.